Professor Squirrel faces the chalkboard, breathing heavily. Hermione's arm is waving uselessly in the air, as it has been for the past four lessons and ten minutes–ten minutes because class has only been going on that long.
Today is different, however. Today, Hermione is going to take the next step in actually trying to learn something in this class! Today, Hermione is going to speak up without being called on.
Yes, yes, that's not such a big deal, unless you're Hermione Granger, who always respects teachers. But she doesn't really respect Professor Squirrel. Mainly because he's completely and utterly failed to teach them anything in four classes and ten minutes.
Also he's constantly scratching his neck or chest or occasionally his cheek. Ew.
All she needs to do is take a deep breath, and...
And...
And...
And LET IT OUT SO SHE DOESN'T FAINT, yes. That's a good start.
And then...
"Professor Squirrel, sir?" she pipes up.
Professor Squirrel spins around from his place at the board and looks around the room, wild-eyed, before his eyes settle back into their familiar dull glaze and he just stares at the room absentmindedly.
"I have a question, sir," Hermione continues, trying not to be undeterred.
Professor Squirrel regains his lucidity. "You have a question?"
"Yes, sir," Hermione confirms.
"Alright!" Professor Squirrel says happily. "Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright–"
Professor Squirrel continues to recite the one line of Hey Ya he knows until he runs out of breath and passes out. He spends the rest of class on the floor. This means that the Defense Against the Dark Arts class is approximately as informative as it always is.
"God, that Hermione is such a swot!" Ron complains as the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs exit the class.
"Total swot," Draco agrees. "I bet nobody wants to spend time with her, not even in Dufferpuff."
Ron snickers. "Dufferpuff. That's a good one."
"And sadly, it's probably the most intelligent thing you'll ever say," Blaise drawls, coming up behind them. "At least, judging by how you so obviously want to end up uneducated."
Ron glares at him. "What'd you say?"
"He said you're stupid," Hannah pipes. Hermione looks at her housemates, shocked. "Is that dumb enough for you, or does it have to be made simpler?"
"Well–well at least I'm not a swot!" Ron shoots back.
"Yeah," Blaise agrees. "Just a cousinfucker."
"I'M NOT A COUSINFUCKER!" Ron and Draco both shout.
"Really? That's a pity," Blaise says. "It'd at least provide you an excuse when you end up as trailer trash."
Ron and Draco look confused. "What's trailer trash?"
"You two morons," Hannah says. "C'mon, Hermione, let's get to our next class."
Ron and Draco stare at each other, dumbfounded, as the Hufflepuff trio walk away. Theo snickers at them.
"What do you find so funny, Nott?" Draco says witheringly.
"You got told off by Hufflepuffs," Theo says, smirking. "Nicely done."
"Yeah!" Neville agrees. "Y'all's ain't nothing but a pair of ignorant bitch-ass losers!"
Ron and Draco stare at each other, flabbergasted, as Neville saunters past them, followed shortly thereafter by a confused-looking Theo.
Rumor spreads quickly throughout the school about how Ron and Draco got told off by the Hufflepuffs.
"Really, Ron?" one of the twins asks.
"You decided–"
"–to get in a fight–"
"–with the Hufflepuffs–"
"–even though–"
"–they're badgers."
"What does them being badgers have to do with anything?" Theo asks.
"Honey badger don't give a shit," the twins say simultaneously.
Draco blinks. "What the hell's a honey badger?"
The twins shrug.
"Whatever," Ron says derisively. "She's still a swot."
"That's why Neville sided with her, you know," Millicent says.
The rest of the table turns to stare at her.
"What?" Millicent asks defensively.
"Since when are you in Gryffindor?" Draco asks, sounding completely baffled.
Theo rolls his eyes. "It's not her fault you're too self-absorbed to notice the other people in the dorm."
"I'm not self-absorbed!" Draco defends himself.
"You spent an hour this morning working on your hair," Ron says.
Draco smirks. "Looks this amazing take work, you realize."
"You know, you two should apologize," Millicent continues.
"What?" Draco and Ron ask simultaneously. "Why?"
Millicent rolls her eyes. "Because she's obviously the smartest person in our year, which means you don't want to be on her bad side."
Draco and Ron stare at her. "Why does that matter?"
Millicent pinches the bridge of her nose. "No wonder you two didn't get sorted into Slytherin."
"Well neither did you!" Draco and Ron shoot back. "So ha!"
Millicent shuts her eyes tightly, hoping to shut out the stupidity. I speak from experience when I say that this doesn't work.
