It's days before Rey manages to drag herself out of bed. Ben has been there, he's come and left food at her beside which she picks at half-heartedly but he's never there when she wakes. Still that dark heavy feeling settles into her skin like an old friend who's come home to visit. She knows it well, her blanket of safety that she's used to winding around herself whenever she's afraid of getting hurt. Normally it was used as a defence mechanism when dealing with her uncle and his harsh words or the kids in school who would tease her about being poor or unloved. It's a blanket of night that blackens out the existence of things like hope and want and joy because sometimes there's no room for that when all you're trying to do is survive.
Ben doesn't scare her, not in the way she knows he should. He's soft and kind and warm and she's so broken it makes her heartache. He needs more than a woman who doesn't know how to love or be loved. It doesn't really matter though because she's pretty positive he doesn't feel the same way she does at this point.
Later in the afternoon she can hear him on the phone. It's hard not to listen in because he's right there but maybe he thinks she's asleep. She's been quiet after all, she knows how to be quite. He's talking to someone about work it sounds like. Or maybe it's his father she can't tell but he's not happy, he sounds nervous almost and that doesn't sit well. For the first time in days the flicker of something flutters through her lungs dousing her in warm water. She wants to reach out to him, to hold him but she'll never touch him again.
His words echo in her head, "I don't want…"
The bruising in her face has come down some and the swelling is almost gone. It only aches a little when she touches it now and she tries hard to keep her hands away. The hours tick by and her phone goes off. Once, twice, three times and she knows messages are waiting for her. Messages from the last few days she just doesn't have it in her to check them.
At one point Ben heads in town. There's a note on the counter explaining he's gone in to get a few groceries and he's taken BB with him. The house is eerily quiet but it's comforting in a way that might even be a little unhealthy. The sun is high in the sky, the air cool and still. It hasn't broken yet, a sign of a storm coming the way the quiet swallows the world around her. The mountain will get it first if the clouds rolling in is any indication. They're heavy and almost black and the air tastes like rain. Maybe snow but it's not quite cold enough yet, not even at this altitude but soon, the world will be covered in a blanket of white. Soon the snow will fly and the world will be still and sleep until spring. Winter has always been Rey's favorite. She loves the way the world looks covered in white. All fresh and ready for new beginnings. She takes a quick walk around the property stretching her legs some after days spent in bed. Down along the path that Ben runs on a nearly daily basis her feet take her through heavy pine trees towards the sound of rushing water. She didn't bother grabbing a jacket but the tree cover protects her against the bite of the wind. Still she pulls her knit cardigan closer to her body folding her arms against her chest.
The river is high and quick, the water lapping at the bank as it surges downhill through rocky peaks and valleys. The sun makes the water twinkle as it bursts through the cloud cover and then disappears swallowed up by the impending darkness. The air is heavy and thick by the time she makes her way back home. She hopes Ben hasn't come back yet, preys she won't get trapped in that awkward conversation. Thankfully the house is still empty when she returns. There's still cheesecake in the fridge, Ben hasn't touched it. Part of her wants to indulge but another part, the part she should have listened too those few nights ago tells her something light would be better. She makes herself a grilled cheese sandwich with the fancy cheeses Ben picked up from the market. She'd mocked him a first but now they've become a staple in their… her home.
After a quick moment as a poor woman's Martha Stewart, Rey tidies up and leaves the pans in the drying rack. The only sign she's ventured down from her blanketed kingdom. She grabs a book off one of the shelves in her sun porch before treading back upstairs and making herself comfortable in her quiet hideaway. The rain starts not long after. The skylight in her bedroom littered with raindrops as they cascade to the earth. It's slow and steady at first but then the wind picks up and Rey can't help but hope that Ben gets back soon. Wind and rain on the mountain road are never a good combination and she needs him to be safe.
She falls asleep in her reading chair tucked away at the back of her room but awoken by the sound of Ben's voice. He's on the phone again talking to Hux this time if the cadence of his voice is any indication. He mentions someone named Ren and talks about his meeting again, the one that's coming up soon. Next week maybe? And then he's asking about Plutt. There's silence for some time and Rey wonders if he's gotten off the phone but then there's the soft sound of 'uh-huh' and 'yeah' and she knows he's listening to whatever it is Armitage has to say.
"So, do we think it'll work?" Ben asks and Rey finds herself listening a little more intently. The silence that follows is painful but Ben is calm and that's a good sign. He doesn't say much from then on, he just listens to Hux on the other end of the line before that part of the conversation ends. After that, she hears Ben say, "I don't know man, I haven't seen her in close to three days… no I didn't do anything… no I'm quite sure."
There's that kick of pain again, the tremor of warmth as it flickers to life filling the void of darkness with deep-rooted suffering that makes her skin itch.
"I'm not calling Finn" Ben says before a sigh of frustration rolls through him, "Alright fuck it give me his number. No, no give me his number Huxley." There's a pause before Ben mumbles something that sounds an awful lot like, 'you're such a tawt' before since swallows the house.
To her surprise Ben calls Finn. There's no answer but the message he leaves on Finn's voice mail is awkward and sad. Still Rey doesn't have it in her to leave her room. The thought of looking him in the eye is viscerally painful. She can't handle the idea of rejection or the confusion she might see there.
After what feels like hours of listening to him mulling about and the rain hammering against the windows things finally go silent. When she makes her way over to her bed she can Ben sitting in the armchair by the hallway, his legs crossed and a book in his hand. It's the one spot in the house that affords any line of sight into her loft sanctuary but it's also one of the comfiest chairs in the house. Rey tries not to dwell on either fact too deeply as she lays down and just watches him. She's not sure if he's reading, he hasn't turned the page in what feels like forever. Instead he takes a steady deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair. She closes her eyes before he can notice her and when sleep swallows her consciousness it brings with it images of beautiful hazel eyes flecked with gold.
She can't escape him even in her sleep. He's there with that mouth, those lips and those comforting hazel eyes. He smiles at her, he takes her hand and just as he's about to kiss her his image morphs into something twisted and grotesque. Ben's hands are now Plutt's as he sneers at her as though she were the vilest thing he's ever experienced.
When he speaks it's Be's voice she hears, uttering things about being unloveable, about not being enough, never being enough. Worthless. Useless. Pathetic. Good for one thing and one thing only. A whore like her mother, the reason her grandfather disowned his only son. Useless. Useless. Useless. His hands clap in front of her face loud and booming causing her to shrink away. A car flipping on its side, a woman's scream. A man's feet as she stands on them laughing while he twirls her around. The smell of chocolate chips melted into pancakes and the sound of her mother's laugh. She can hear it as it echoes through her mind but then the sound of it is gone leaving the imprint of its echo. It's a thought, a feeling but even that's slipping away from her. It's one of the few memories she has left of her parents and it's slipping away.
She can't lose it, she won't. She's running down a dark corridor and lightning flashes all around her. Thunder rumbles turning into the vicious booming laugh of a man who's one joy in life has been her torture and humiliation. He holds her down, wrenches her arm behind her back and all she can hear is the disgusting grinding snap of bones breaking. He's dislocated her shoulder by doing this. Broken her wrist once too but this time it's everything in her body snapping and popping at once. He has her laid out as faceless men approach stroking themselves like animals. She can't see their erections, just the hazy outline, something rudimentary and crude as they approach her one by one with the intent to brand and claim. Her body is sticky and broken and that booming doesn't stop. A soft voice sings 'you are my sunshine' and for one pure moment she feels important before her body feels like it's being violated.
Only good for one thing. Wanted for nothing more than the parcel between her legs. No one will love you, broken little gingerbread girl. The buttons on her dress are torn and she's fourteen again. The boys in school tell her they've heard she'll blow them if they buy her something nice. Something pretty. Rey's never even seen a penis before let alone touched one. They grope and pull and tell her she's not worth more than a hole to stick their dicks. No one will want her. Unloved, unloved, unloved.
The booming continues as lightning streaks across the darkened sky void of clouds or stars. It's blackness like she feels sometimes when she's alone. Spiraling darkness that feeds on joy and happiness. Ben's eyes watch her, pity her. His voice tells her he wants to know her, to know all of her then it laughs and he's walking away. Girls with low self-esteem are so easy to manipulate. It's not said but it's felt. Girls who crave love are easy targets. Never trust a pair of pretty eyes. A hand on her mouth leading her around, suffocating her scream as fingertips dig into her cheeks
Boom, Boom, Boom. The world around her splits open and she's awake. Her throat is raw and her body is coated in sweat. Her bedroom bleeds into focus. Someone sitting across from her, her bed dipping beneath the weight of another body. Panic settles in and she lashes out, she trashes and scratches and punches until her fists collide with something warm and solid and unyielding. There's a voice whispering softly that it's going to be ok. She's ok and another clap of thunder rumbles through the sky. Her body trembles as arms wind around her pulling her against a body she knows. The scent of him is there, sandalwood and bergamot and something like cinnamon.
He cradles her softly against him holding her uninjured cheek to his chest as he whispers soft reassurances in her ear. She clings to him without thought, his forearms firm beneath her fingers as she gropes and claws to keep him closer.
When he starts to rock her gently her body looses a sigh. Her eyes are wide and vacant her mind tumbling from one incoherent thought to the next. For a moment she wants to push him away but its fleeting swallowed up by a need to hold him so close their skin might meld together.
I don't want, I don't want, I don't want, echoes within her mind but it's contradictory to the way he's holding her, the way he's cradling her close. Maybe he's just being kind, maybe he's just fucking with her. I want to know more of you then I have any right to.
She collects his words like pieces of beach glass trying to make something beautiful out of something so worn away by time and rough handling. When the tears come it's in violent sobs and gasps for air. A delayed response to stress that has her hyperventilating and shaking so hard her teeth chatter. Her hands tremble as they cling to him and still he whispers words so soft and tender and sweet that she buries them into her heart so she can treasure them always. Even if it's not real, even if he doesn't want, for now she allows herself to feel the warmth of being loved. Because that is what this feels like.
As he cradles her into his lap, his fingers lose themselves in her hair and he's massaging at her scalp. Soft rotating circles around the base of her neck. She can feel his cheek against the top of her head as he whispers sweet nothings and kisses her crown. She wants this, she wants it so badly that it hurts to breathe. And, while it's nice in the heat of panic endure mania when the fog of her anxiety starts to lift and reality settles in Rey fears the pattern is destined to repeat itself.
She bounces back and forth between rational thought and irrational fear. Still, that woman's voice in her ear sings 'you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey' and there's meaning there she just can't glean what it is. Plutt's meaty hands threaten to pull her back in and Rey's shaking her feet as though to scramble away.
"Don't leave," she mumbles almost incoherently, a pattern of words falling out of her mouth no more than a squeak, "Don't leave, don't leave."
"Shhhh," he soothes, his hands like dinner plates petting and stroking her hair, "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
But the promise of it does little stop the emotion overflow. If anything it makes it worse. Picking up on her building panic Ben shushes her again and then there's the odd sensation of a finger stroking down the bridge of her nose. Once, twice, three times. Soft and comforting as a voice Ben's voice sings softly, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," It's so simple. It's so pure lulling her mind softly out of its fear and anxiety wrecked state.
He sings softly, his voice smooth and relaxed and only for her as he continues to rock her gently. When the tremors stop and there are no more tears to cry, Ben still sings. He repeats the song over and over humming it between rounds as his finger continues to stroke down Rey's nose. It works almost like a sedative. spinning mind slowing, rocking gently against the tenor of his voice. When she finally has the strength to pull away her face feels sticky and hot. There's a wet spot on the front of Ben's sky blue t-shirt but he doesn't seem to care at all. The concern etched on his features is enough to warm her quaking heart through the darkness.
Still he holds her, his hands never leaving her body despite the space she's trying to put between them. He's uneasy, confused, almost fearful as she pulls away as though the distance troubles him in some way. He looks like he wants to speak but Rey looks away almost too quickly. Her bruised cheek stings as she raises her fingers to slowly stroke the outskirts of the discoloration and Ben's hands are there instantly. Soft and soothing, "No, no don't do that," falls from his lips and she's pulling away from him.
"Don't," She mutters, half a sob still rattling in her throat, "You don't have to pretend," She tells him almost venomously and Ben suddenly looks as if he's been slapped.
"What are you talking about?" he asks softly, his voice barely over a whisper as the windows rattle against the wind. Overhead lightning streaks across the sky lighting up her skylight and the floor beneath. The thunder that follows is deep and would be awe-inspiring if it didn't make her jump so much. His hands cup her cheeks oh so lightly, a crooked finger pulling her gaze away from the floor and up towards him. Ben almost looks younger like this, cast in shadow, worry pulling at his features. He offers her a sad sort of smile but his eyes, are filled with a question that seems irrelevant. "Rey," he urges but her name on his lips makes her stomach roil.
"I appreciate the kindness, I do but I'm not as fragile as all this implies," she mumbles as she slips back away from him ignoring his defeated look as she presses back against her headboard.
Ben cocks his head as he shifts around on the bed to face her. His hands seem to fidget as though he has no idea what to do with them, "I never… I didn't…" the answer is lost to him as he tries to find the strength of conviction to continue. "I was - am concerned about you," The air around them is thick with the words he isn't saying. There's something there at the edge of his presence that Rey can see but can't quite hear. It's mind-numbing and hard to wrap her head around and truthfully she doesn't have it in her to do this anymore.
"Thank you," she says softly, wrapping her arms around her tented knees, "I'll be -" she starts but Ben cuts her off.
Her name is sharp on his tongue almost scolding as though he's tired, or maybe frustrated. "Rey stop it," he demands and she flinches. The tone in his voice is harsher then she had been expecting but not dangerous. Her mind is still sensitive to the whirling emotions that surround them but it's too thick, too heavy for her to decipher, "You haven't spoken to me in three days."
The pain in his voice is unmistakable. He's rigid, holding himself back, as though he's afraid he's going to scare her. He's so careful in his movements, so easy with tone but there's an energy vibrating off of him as though he simply needs something more than the release he's allowing himself.
Rey scoffs at first but Ben pushes, he's closer but not touching her. He's giving her space because she needs space. Outside there' s a loud cracking noise and the sky lights up like stadium at a ball game. Something has been hit and relatively close by too. It's not uncommon this high up but it's never been a danger. Still Rey shrinks, pulling in around herself. "Can you blame me?" she moans, "I'm so embarrassed."
Ben scrunches his nose as he runs a hand through his thick hair a few times. It looks a little greasy in the dim light as though he hasn't been able to stop touching it. "Embarrassed?" he asks as though he hadn't been present for Rey's single most mortifying bad decision of the calendar year. Worse than when she thought maybe she'd try not wearing underwear because everyone else was doing it and managed to find the one pair of leggings in her closet with a hole starting in the ass.
"Obviously," she mutters, petulant and sullen like a child. When Ben has the audacity to look confused Rey groans again, "Please don't make me say it."
He's going to make her say it. He's absolutely going to torture her like this. Rey never thought Ben would be cruel but this seems an odd approach to making someone feel better. "Are you - Are you talking about the other night?"
Rey's eyes go wide as she nods softly, but Ben still doesn't seem to get it. "What else would I be talking about?" she asks softly but Ben is still oddly pensive. When he smiles, it's curiously shy as though he knows something she doesn't, "Ben I can't do this. I feel like I've been drug through a woodchipper. My head hurts, my anxiety is through the roof and I'm fucking embarrassed ok. I thought there was a chance you might - but I must have misread the signs or whatever because you don't…"
When she looks at him this time, she sees his Adam's apple bob as he takes a deliberate almost nervous-looking swallow. "I don't what Rey?" his voice is deeper this time, filed with a husky tone that despite her desperate state warms something deep in her belly.
"This is what I mean," she half sobs, "You say things like that and it makes me feel like you're flirting with me, or maybe you want something from me."
"I do want something from you," He says earnestly and she can feel the heat from her belly flush to her cheeks.
"Not the same thing I want from you," she says sadly and Ben's wetting his lips now as he edges closer. She's pinned against her headboard with nowhere to escape to as Ben pulls himself closer. His hip edging the side of her foot as he holds himself up against her mattress, leaning against his outstretched hand.
"What do you want from me Rey." He asks and her name on his lips like that is like cotton candy and fresh lemonade. It's so sweet and so bad for you that you can't help but want more. When she doesn't answer right away he sits up a little and his warm hand smoothes itself against her ankle beneath her sleep pants. It's not one of those things that oozes sexy but there's something about the way he swirls his fingertips that softens something within her. "Tell me what you want from me Rey," he nearly begs her even though she doesn't want to tell him, doesn't want to say it out loud, to admit it to a soul. She feels the threads of the truth as they start to unravel her.
It's like a bandaid, she needs to rip it off, get it over with. Once it's out in the open, once she lets go of that glimmer of hope she can settle back into normality. Like a bandaid. But still the words lie trapped within her throat.
Ben says her name again but this time there's something behind it. Something that wasn't there before, a need that comes from the deeper more carnal parts of one's self. The sound sends a shiver through her, her skin erupting in gooseflesh as she presses her nose against her knees and hides her face.
With delicate slowness she can feel Ben's questioning touch as he pulls her apart. Unwrapping her like a present that he's desperate to get to the center of. He's right there and his hand is cupping her cheek and his eyes are begging for her answer. It's all she can do to choke back the soft sob of "Everything," as he falls from her lips.
The answer is vague but filled with weight as Ben licks at his lips and shakes his head softly. She can see the way his hair shifts against the movement messing up the smooth arc he's pulled out of his vision. "You need to be more specific," he tells her and she's pretty sure he's fucking with her at this point. No person could be this clueless, "Rey I need you to tell me,"
She can't help the way her body leans into his touch and she hates herself for it as she mutters, "I've fucking ruined everything, I always ruining everything," and Ben's thumb swipes at a tear as it falls over her cheek.
"No, no, no, no," he whispers. He's so close all she can focus on is his mouth and those lips. Always those Lips. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise but Rey," he sounds desperate now, "Rey I need you to tell me what you want. If this is just some physical thing I need you to tell me."
"Is that what it is to you?" She counters and her words are a little harsher then she intended, almost challenging him for some pointless reason. She's defensive and lashing out, collecting up all of the pieces of herself he might hurt or throw away so that she can put them back together again when all is is done.
Ben's response however is quick, "No! Fuck - Jesus…" he huffs and his eyes search the darkness for an answer or assistance, "That's the thing. I need to know because… Because I don't want to just fuck you and then have that be all."
"You - You stopped me though."
Ben groans and it's a medley of his pent up frustration and irritation at his stupidity, "It was jarring. Waking up and you were there and that perfect little mouth." His thumb drags a line across the swell of her lower like and she watches as he shifts on the bed as though uncomfortable thinking of the memory, "Any man would be happy to wake up to that," He assures her, "I just didn't want that to be how that happened." He pauses, "Am I wrong? I felt like there was - there is something more… here," he gestures between them, "Something more than just a physical need. I mean I told you I liked you…" But the words sound juvenile even before they have a chance to fall from his lips
Suddenly Ben's on his feet and he's scrubbing at his face, "I mean," he huffs, "Fuck I mean I want you, fuck I want you so bad. You have no idea…" another pause and he looks utterly mortified, "You have no idea the things I've thought about doing to you."
The darkness in her shifts and she's standing on the edge of something bigger than herself listening to Ben says all the right words. And he's there, he's right there and she almost feels like if she were to let go he would catch her. "What…" She whispers almost breathlessly. After nights of second-guessing and self-doubt she needs to hear it. She needs the truth of it, her body - her soul craves it.
Ben looks like a man who's been starved the one thing he truly wants. He's pacing lightly his hands on his hips before he stops at the edge of her bed and looks down at her. "I want…" he sighs, "I want to take you out, to show you how you deserve to be treated. I want to make you see how beautiful and how incredible you are. I want an opportunity to flirt and touch and kiss like two people who just met and have none of this bullshit hanging over them." His posture shifts, his voice gravelly as he stoops down and moves towards her on the bed. "I want," he growls, and she's reaching out for him, her fingertips trailing over a stubbled cheek, "I've thought about spreading you out so I can taste every last inch of you.
Rey inhales sharply, a breathy gasp that eggs Ben on, "I've thought about the hours I would spend worshiping your cunt. I've wondered what your thighs would feel like squeezing against my head while I tasted you."
Rey can feel it, the ghost of his touch as the words fall from his lips, "Do you want to know what else I've thought about?" She nods and he grins, wide and wicked and filled with promises, "I thought about fucking until you called my name until your legs are week and your body can't take anymore. I've thought about all the ways I could fuck you, against the counter in the kitchen, in the shower. Fuck I've thought about taking you back to that park and wandering off the trail just so I could fuck you in the woods."
Her thumb trails over his lip and he smiles pressing a soft kiss atop its tip. "This is all so fucked because I want so much time with you it's too much and it's overwhelming because…" She can hear her heartbeat hammering in her chest as he scrambles for the words, the right words because there is no room now for miscommunication. "I don't want to go back. I think I'd be happy if I were done. If they told me that I was being discharged because honestly you make me feel like the Marines is just a means of running away."
"Ben," She almost warns him because his words are getting dangerously close to being far too real.
"I want to know what a normal life looks like Rey, with someone who cares about me and makes me feel like life is a gift," The vulnerability in his voice is raw and it makes Rey's head spin because he's here and he's perfect and she wants all of this to be true. " I want a life and a possibility of more. I'm not saying kids and marriage and all of that but I'm not not saying it either. Fuck I would be happy with you and BB and a bunch of other dogs running around because you… you are like this bright light after a very long time spent in the darkness."
"Ben…" Rey says again, a little louder, a little firmer this time and it shakes him out of his reverie."
"What?"
"Kiss me?" she asks, and her voice is a little smaller then she intended, a little softer. His touch is hesitant but warm as he cups her cheek with his hand and lowers himself against her. His lips are tentative at first, questioning and light before Rey throws herself into it nearly knocking Ben off the bed.
He rights himself easily enough and he's back to kissing her. The darkness within her growls with irritation and a need to suppress but Ben's touch is like a fire lit beneath the surface of her skin. Her mind is still an addled mess and the anxiety is still there waiting but Ben makes everything a little more ok. In the distance there's a loud bang and a crash and a pop and the light from the lightning is vibrant as it arcs across the sky. Rey shifts a little closer and Ben winds his arms around her. When he breaks the kiss he shifts against his sheets so that he's laying on his back and she's laying alongside him. He has his arm wrapped around her as he draws her head against his chest and busies himself with stroking her hair. His breathing steadies as she nuzzles against him and they fall into a steady rhythm of touching and petting. It's innocent and sweet with none of the fire in Ben's precious words because with this comes the promise of so many more opportunities.
"You'll stay?" she asks softly.
"Of course, Ben replies easily, humming softly to himself as he twirls stray pieces of her hair around his fingers.
"I mean right here…" She means her bed, with her. She means not in that small spare bedroom with a bed that barely contains his oversized body. "I understand if you'd prefer to stay in the spare room," she begins to ramble but Ben presses his lips to the top of her head as he shushed her softly.
"There's nowhere else I would rather be," he tells her earnestly.
Rey giggles to herself as she nuzzles her nose against the side of Ben's pectoral muscle, "Sooo." she says childishly with a sweetness that's almost kittenish, "Are you… like gonna be my boyfriend?"
The rumble of Ben's laugh feels wonderful beneath her cheek as he says, "I haven't been someone's boyfriend since I was eighteen." It's a thought he'd rather not dwell on right now so he continues lightly, "You asking me to go steady?" he teases.
"Guess I am, are you going to give me your varsity jacket to wear or like make me a mix cd or something?"
"Because I was a varsity kid," Ben chuckles, "Would you settle for me just being here?"
Rey nods against him and he's humming again that same song and she can hear it in her head, that woman's voice as it sings to her from a different time. "Hey Ben?"
"Mmm?" He responds, this time with a little less enthusiasm because his breathing slows and sleep settles around him like a dusting of freshly fallen snow.
"Why You are my sunshine?" She tries to sound a little stronger but that woman's voice, her mother's voice it calls to something deep inside her, something she'd forgotten even existed.
His answer comes easy and slow, lips moving against her forehead as he peppers it with kisses, "My mom use to sing it to me when I was a kid," he tells her softly, "And… at the risk of sounding unbelievably cheesy... like I said, you're like this bright ray of light, like the sun after too much rain."
"Rains pretty too."
"It is," Ben agrees, "But it makes the sunlight that much brighter… I guess it just makes me think of you."
"My mom use to sing it to me," she tells him and she's not sure why. It's like a confession when there's nothing to confess. Maybe she's just sharing something for the sake of sharing it but as Ben dozes off he continues to hum and the sound wraps itself around Rey and pulls her into her own fit of exhausted slumber. This time, when she dreams of those whiskey-colored eyes they're Ben's and only Ben's as he holds her close and tells her he loves her. It's too soon for revelations of that nature but still, when that hope begins to flare up again she's not afraid of it this time. She lets it wind around her like a cat, comforting and warm. It's not easy but its a start and she can't wait for all the other opportunities they will have because she is not letting him go.
THERE FINALLY hahaha happy times ahead! That does NOT mean the end of the drama buuuuuut it DOES mean the beginning of adorably cute togethery-ness and deliciously good times ahead! My original timeline had this happening over a longer period but I feeeeeelt like the whole connection thing needed to be played upon. We have Finn's birthday annnnnnd Christmas coming up which I'm super pumped to write, I won't tell you why though, its a surprise hehehe.
Anyway folks, thanks for all the love and support and sweet words of encouragement. It's like cotton candy and lemonade xo
