XVI
I woke up to Billy pulling me out of bed by the ear, growling something unintelligible.
"OUCH! Jesus – Hey! What was that for?" I cried from the hallway floor, where I'd managed to slap away his pinching fingers.
Billy was furious. I'd never seen him look so affronted. "Bella knocked down our door five minutes ago, looking for you. How you didn't hear her, I have no idea." He ran a hand down his face in exhaustion. "You must be getting even less sleep than I do," he joked, laughing with grim humor.
"Is she here?" I asked, sitting up and peering down the hall at the front door. It was open, swinging in the wind.
"No, she said to tell you she's waiting for you at the beach." He eyed me warily. "She mentioned that Charlie was gathering a bunch of hunters to search for the wolves," he added suspiciously. "Please, Jacob, for my own sanity, say you didn't tell her about the wolves."
I smiled guiltily, raising my eyebrows and looking down at the floor.
"Jacob," Billy gasped, horror-struck. "You told her?"
"It was before I knew the stories were real," I defended. "On the beach, when we first met, I was just trying to tell her some scary stories."
Billy's face fell. "Is that all you thought they were?" He asked, voice cracking. "Our history, our legacy, just ghost stories?" He shook his head, then rolled to his room.
"Dad – "
"I hope she's worth it," Billy yelled, slamming his door shut.
I rolled my eyes. He was so dramatic when he needed a nap.
Finding Bella was effortless; my feet followed her path over the sand as if it was my own. She was sitting on our bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep in the rocks, with the roots facing up and twisting like a hundred brittle tentacles. Pieces of spindly vegetation hung on the tips, laid there by a recent storm. That tree had been there my whole life, and I'd always been fascinated with it, so it seemed a fitting spot to make our own.
She was staring towards the ocean, though the light filtering through the damp clouds wasn't enough for even me to see the water. For the first time, I couldn't read her face, though her emotions were plain. Some mixture of resignation and despair.
The emotions didn't seem applicable. She promised to call if she didn't want to see me, but here she sat, staring out at the sea as if it had condemned her to a horrific death.
"Hi, Bella," I said softly, feeling shy.
Bella jumped, then her eyes searched for me in the darkness. The sun was just starting to peek out at the base of the clouds, slicing a sliver of pink sky on the horizon.
"Jake?" She asked, breathless.
I kept my distance, trying to interpret her reaction. Was she afraid of me now? I was scared the tenuous thread of hope I held onto had grown tighter when I found out she came to see me; it wasn't a phone call, at least. I'd half expected her to forget about the promise and call anyway, since the landline was her usual weapon of choice.
"Billy told me you came by – didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out." I babbled on nervously.
"Yeah, I remember the right story now," she whispered.
Oh, so it was gonna be like that.
She must have felt the change in atmosphere after I scanned her face, recognizing the signs I'd been too naïve to catch; her guilty eyes, the way her frown turned down at the corners and pulled down the purple bags beneath her eyes; the hollow cheeks from her pinched lips.
It was my turn to be dumped.
"You could have just called," I spat.
She nodded, looking down in shame. "I know."
I started pacing to keep my body under control as anger, hot and red, boiled in my blood and sparked the fire that would rip my skin and warp my bones. I couldn't do that here, not now, when she was standing just a few feet away. Plus, I was mad enough to say a few choice words, and I wanted to get them out before becoming an animal.
"Why did you come?" I demanded, pacing faster than a normal human should be able to.
"I thought it would be better face-to-face."
I snorted. "Oh, much better," I said sarcastically, folding my arms against my chest.
"Jacob, I have to warn you – "
"About the rangers and the hunters?" I interrupted, teeth gnashing together. "Don't worry about it. We already know."
"Don't worry about it?" She demanded, looking offended. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and – "
"We can take care of ourselves," I growled, sounding too much like a wolf for my liking. I walked faster, calculating the distance between us. Could I shift right here and not hurt her? I'd been closer to Billy the first time, and he didn't have a scratch on him.
"They're not going to catch anything," I continued furiously. "They're only making it more difficult – they'll start disappearing soon enough, too."
"Jake!" She hissed, balling her fists up at her sides.
"What? It's just a fact."
Her face twisted in revulsion. "How can you… feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!" Then her face turned to horror.
I came to an abrupt stop, feeling like a moron. There she stood, the love of my life, not a few feet away physically, but on a completely different plane mentally. I'd never felt so disconnected from her before, like our minds weren't on the same frequency anymore. Had I changed that much while becoming a werewolf?
"What more can we do?" I asked, frustrated.
"Could you… well, try not to be a… werewolf?" She suggested, voice barely above a whisper.
I threw my hands up into the air, trying to figure out where this girl got the ballsto ask that with such sincerity.
"Like I have a choice about it!" I shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?"
"I don't understand you," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms.
I glared. I was shaking so hard my limbs no longer felt under my control. If I was going to get a jab in, I didn't have much time left before I tore into a wolf and couldn't say anything she would understand.
"You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?" She flinched away from my hostile tone.
I waited, taking three ragged breaths before she finally nodded, mouth hanging open in horror.
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella – there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?"
"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?" She shouted.
"Ugh!" I groaned, jamming my fists into my temples to keep my skull from exploding. "Would you listen to yourself?"
"What?" She insisted.
I took two steps forward to lean over her and glare fully into her eyes. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"
Bella, who usually flinched at any mention of the Cullens, jumped to her feet and glared right back, fighting my anger with her own.
"No, you're not!" She shouted. "It's not what you are, stupid, it's what you do!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I roared, my shoulders convulsing with the force of my rage.
She didn't answer right away. For a split second, she looked surprised, and then her eyes were carefully guarded.
"Jacob," she pleaded softly, voice even. "Is it really necessary to kill people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way? I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"
My spine straightened out with a strange click, like a missing wire had been connected. My eyebrows shot up as if that would allow me to see more. "Killing people?" I demanded.
"What did you think we were talking about?" Bella asked, exasperated, as she raised her arms to slap them on her sides.
I had been sure I was about to shift, but all of a sudden, there was a new thread of hope holding me human. I wasn't willing to believe it, since I'd let myself be fooled before.
"I thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves," I said in a blank tone.
"No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a… wolf. That's fine," she said quickly, as if it were an inconsequential detail that I ran around as a wolf most of the time. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people… that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you – "
"Is that all? Really?" I interrupted, a surprised smile breaking across my face. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?"
"Isn't that reason enough?" She asked, voice rising two octaves.
I couldn't help it; I laughed.
"Jacob Black, this is so not funny!" She screamed.
"Sure, sure," I agreed, leaning over and resting my hands on my knees, still shaking with laughter.
Then, I took one long stride to close the gap between us. It had been there for too long, in my opinion. I wrapped her into my arms, not planning on letting go.
"You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" I asked, practically jumping for joy.
"No," she gasped. "Can't – breathe – Jake!"
Unwillingly, I let go, but took both her hands. "I'm not a killer, Bella."
She studied my face for a second, then smiled in relief. "Really?" She asked, breathless again.
"Really," I promised solemnly.
Suddenly, she threw her arms around me, letting out a cry of relief. I wrapped myself around her, stroking her hair.
"Sorry I called you a hypocrite," I apologized in a murmur.
"Sorry I called you a murderer," she responded, words muffled by my chest.
I laughed, feeling light enough to float into the clouds.
She pulled away, eyebrows furrowed anxiously. "What about Sam? And the others?"
I shook my head, no longer feeling the weight of Sam's injunction. It was meaningless now that she already knew. I could tell her whatever I wanted. I'd found my loophole.
"Of course not. Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"
"Protectors?" She asked confidently.
"Exactly."
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"
I felt my face harden into worried lines. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them, but we're always just a little too late."
"Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?"
"Bella, honey," I said patiently, reaching out and cupping my hand to her face. "We only protect people from one thing – our one enemy. It's the reason we exist – because they do."
She stared blankly for a second before recognition lit her eyes, then died out as her face drained of color. Her lips opened and a terrified moan broke through her teeth.
I nodded gravely. "I thought you, of all people, would realize what was really going on."
"Laurent," she whispered. "He's still here."
I blinked twice, then cocked my head to the side. "Who's Laurent?" I asked, not having registered that leeches had names.
Her eyes darted from side to side like she was sorting through a pile of pages printed heavy with ink. "You know – you saw him in the meadow. You were there… You were there, and you kept him from killing me…" She trailed off, eyes widening in fright.
"Oh, the black-haired leech?" I grinned, remembering the shrieking of his spine as I severed his neck. "Was that his name?"
Bella shuddered. "What were you thinking?" She whispered. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realize how dangerous – "
I interrupted her with an unconcerned laugh. "Bella, one lone vampire isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!"
"What was so easy?" She asked wildly.
"Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the whole murder thing," I added quickly. "Vampires don't count as people."
Her eyes were bugging out of her skull. I was surprised her nose didn't start bleeding from the forceful thrumming of the veins in her forehead.
"You… killed… Laurent?" She breathed.
I nodded. "Well, it was a group effort," I qualified.
"Laurent is dead?" She whispered.
My voice changed, shooting up an octave. "You're not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill you – he was going in for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?"
"I know that," she said in a rushed, gasping voice. "No, I'm not upset – I'm…" she stumbled back a step, then sank down onto the trunk of the driftwood tree. "Laurent is dead," she said as if to convince herself. "He's not coming back for me."
"You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends or anything, was he?" I asked anxiously.
"My friend?" She stared up at me, relief and confusion mixing up her mouth. "No, Jake. I'm so… so relieved. I thought he was going to find me – I've been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone. I've been so frightened, Jacob…" She trailed off, and I recognized the hollow look in her eyes. "But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…" She trailed off, eyes becoming distant.
For a moment, I saw the toll being a human wrapped up in the supernatural world had on her; the dark shadows under her eyes touched the edge of her cheekbones, holding up her down-trodden eyes.
I sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her comfortingly. "It's what we're made for, Bells. We're strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be."
"You weren't around," she mumbled distractedly.
"Oh, right," I replied, color tinting my cheeks.
"Wait, Jake – I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"
I stared at her for half a second, realizing she had no idea how much I loved her. Did she really think the threat of death would keep me away from her? I would have to change that, somehow. I made a mental note to come back to it.
I ducked my head when I realized what I would have to explain. "No, that's not what I meant."
"Then why didn't you think it was safe for you there?"
I looked up guiltily. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for me. I was thinking of you." Like always, I wanted to add, but she was already letting me drape my arm over her shoulder, so I wasn't going to push it.
"What do you mean?"
I looked down and kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm not supposed to be around you, Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for you. If I get too mad… too upset… you might get hurt."
She looked past me thoughtfully. "When you were mad before… when I was yelling at you… and you were shaking…?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, face dropping even lower. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But… I just got so upset that I was going to lose you… and that you couldn't deal with what I am…" I was starting to babble, so I kicked another rock.
"What would happen… if you got too mad?" She whispered.
"I'd turn into a wolf," I whispered back.
"You don't need a full moon?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right." Then I sighed, adding solemnly, "You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this. And we're keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others – we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that."
Bella's face became chalky pale. "Laurent is dead," she gasped.
"Bella?" I asked anxiously, pressing the back of my hand against her ashen cheek.
"If Laurent died… a week ago… then someone else is killing people now," she panted.
I nodded, clenching my teeth together. "There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us – in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate – but she just keeps running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in – but in where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…" My voice faded when Bella's body turned rigid.
She was looking positively green in the light reflecting off the mossy ground. She rolled forward, gagging, and then leaned over the tree to dry-heave onto the sand. She groaned, flailing uselessly against an empty stomach, head tilting back and forth like she was trying to shake it out.
"Bella!" I caught her shoulders as her body went limp against the log and lurched forward to collide with the rocks. "Bella! What's wrong?"
"Victoria," she gasped after another heave.
I pulled her onto my lap with ease. It was too easy; she was weightless, not made of substantive materials. I laid her head against my shoulder, swinging her legs over my lap carefully. She seemed so fragile then; like a glass bird.
"Who?" I asked urgently. "Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?"
"She wasn't Laurent's mate," she moaned into my shoulder. "They were just old friends…"
My voice was frantic. "Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," I demanded.
"I'm not sick – I'm scared," she explained in a whisper.
I patted her back comfortingly. "Scared of this Victoria?"
She shivered. "Yes," she whimpered.
"How do you know she wasn't his mate?"
"Laurent told me James was her mate," she explained, flexing her hand.
I pulled her face around to look at me, holding it steady with my free hand. Her eyes were panicked, distant, like she was no longer seeing the same beach I was.
"Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?" I asked.
"Of course," she whispered vacantly. "She wants me."
My eyes widened, then narrowed into slits. "Why?" I demanded.
"Edward killed James," she whispered. For the first time, she said his name without flinching. "She did get… pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know – still doesn't know, I guess – that… that…" she swallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."
I was torn in several directions, but too curious to examine the feelings. "Is that what happened? Why the Cullens left?"
"I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special," she explained in a weak, tired voice.
My chest rumbled with a growl. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough – "
"Please," she moaned. "Please. Don't."
I hesitated, then nodded when I saw how hurt her expression was.
"This is important," I repeated, switching to my business voice. "This is exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away."
I stood, pulling her up with me. I kept two hands on her waist until I was sure she wouldn't fall.
"I'm okay," she lied, face still green and sweaty.
I traded my hold on her waist for one of her hands.
"Let's go," I insisted, pulling her back towards the truck.
"Where are we going?" She asked.
"I'm not sure yet," I admitted sheepishly. "I'll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?" I leaned her against the side of the truck like a kickstand and released her hand.
"Where are you going?" She asked anxiously, eyes widening.
"I'll be right back," I promised, turning and sprinting through the parking lot. I ran across the road and into the bordering forest, where I disappeared into the trees.
"Jacob!" She yelled after me, voice hoarse.
I rolled up my cut-off sweatpants and left them in a pile under a bush. I wasn't going far.
Jacob? Embry asked.
You've got some balls, kid, Jared interjected.
Where have you been? Sam demanded.
Probably breaking more tribal laws, Paul growled.
Doesn't matter, I repeated the words over and over quickly, trying to stop myself from thinking about the conversation on the beach. Meet me here, I ordered, thinking of the first place that came to mind. We need to talk, it's important.
What –
Sam didn't finish his question. I phased and pulled my shorts back on, loping over to the car.
Bella was sitting in the cab of the truck, hyperventilating. When I rapped on the window, she jumped with a yelp of terror, then undid the lock with shaking fingers.
"You're really scared, aren't you?" I asked as I climbed in.
Bella nodded mutely.
"Don't be. We'll take care of you – and Charlie, too. I promise."
"The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," she whispered.
I laughed. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us that that. It's insulting," I said, only half-joking.
Bella shook her head, closing her eyes. "Where did you go just now?" She asked.
I pursed my lips, saying nothing. The injunction no longer held any weight, but there were probably some things I should keep to myself. I wasn't sure if this was one of them.
"What? Is it a secret?" She challenged.
I frowned. "Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out."
"I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know," she said weakly. The corners of her lips twitched with the ghost of a smirk.
I grinned back with a genuine smile. Of course, she had already proven herself to be more than understanding when it came to crazy, supernatural things.
"Guess you'd have to be," I agreed. "Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can… hear each other."
Her eyebrows pulled down in confusion.
"Not hear sounds," I went on, "but we can hear… thoughts – each other's anyway – no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing – having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?" I asked, peeking at her face out of the corner of my eye.
"Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though you didn't want to?"
"You're quick," I observed.
"Thanks."
"You're also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you."
"It's not…" she trailed off, turning to look out the window. "Well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird to me."
"Really?" I asked, voice rising three octaves. "Wait – are you talking about your bloodsuckers?"
"I wish you wouldn't call them that."
I laughed. "Whatever. The Cullens, then?"
"Just… just Edward," she said, inconspicuously pulling one arm over her torso.
She was slumped against the seat of the cab with her knees angled towards me and feet on the dashboard. My arm had swung itself around the back of her seat reflexively as I got in, but now she leaned against me instead of shying away. My arm tightened involuntarily.
"I thought those were just stories. I've heard legends about vampires who could do… extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth," I said, recovering from the shock of hearing her say his name twice in one day.
"Is anything just a myth anymore?" She asked dryly.
I scowled. "Guess not. Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."
I started the truck and headed down the familiar road. The engine chugged along the narrow, slick streets, sputtering when I accelerated. We didn't make it half a mile before she started in on the twenty questions again.
"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" She asked curiously.
I nodded, praying she wouldn't ask where my clothes went when I shifted. "I kept it real short – I tried not to think about you so they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."
"That wouldn't have stopped me," she said through clenched teeth.
"Well, it would have stopped me," I said morosely. "Remember how I couldn't finish my sentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story?"
"Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something."
I chuckled with dark humor. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's…" I trailed off, looking for the right words that wouldn't make her jump out of the car screaming. "The head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something – when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him."
"Weird," she muttered, looking back out the window.
"Very," I agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing."
"Huh," she huffed.
"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that – wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support."
"Sam was alone?" She asked softly.
"Yeah," I said, lowering my voice. "When I… changed, it was the most… horrible, the most terrifying thing I've ever been through – worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone – there were voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam…" I shook my head. "Sam had no help."
"Will they be angry that I'm with you?" She asked.
My face scrunched up. "Probably."
"Maybe I shouldn't – "
"No, it's okay," I assured her. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just some ignorant human. You're like a… I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines."
I meant it as a compliment, but she frowned, scowling out the windshield for a moment. I continued as if I didn't notice.
"Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker. That's the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that those stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?"
"I don't think so," she said quickly. After a moment, she sighed. "He would have mentioned it."
"He?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. "Oh, you mean Edward – oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it."
She squeezed her midsection. "Not really, no."
"Sorry," I said again.
"How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read my mind."
"Naw," I said modestly. "I just pay attention." To you, I almost added.
I pulled over on the little dirt road and cut the engine.
"You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" I murmured in the deafening silence after the engine's roar died off.
She just nodded, staring unseeingly into the misty forest.
"Did you ever think… that maybe… you're better off?"
She inhaled slowly, then let it out in a rush. "No," she breathed.
"'Cause he wasn't the best – " I started.
"Please, Jacob," she interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't stand it."
"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said anything."
"Don't feel bad," she consoled me. "If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it."
I nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk to anyone."
"Hell," she agreed in a dark voice.
The pack crashed through the forest ahead of us, stopping when they noticed the truck. I watched the shimmer ripple through the trees as they shifted, and sucked in a sharp breath.
"They're here. Let's go."
"Are you sure?" She asked nervously while I popped my door open. "Maybe I shouldn't be here."
"They'll deal with it," I replied, then grinned. "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?"
"Ha, ha," she said sarcastically.
But she hurried around to meet me at the front of the truck, standing close enough to feel her sweatshirt brushing against my elbow. Her hands were shaking as badly as mine, so I took one and squeezed.
"Here we go."
