So, pardon me while I burst into flames
I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
So, pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same
Pardon Me – Incubus
Chapter Seventeen: Everything I Wanted
Scorpius knocked seven times before the music stopped…and his heart started racing.
If he had to guess, it had a lot to do with his moment of acknowledgement. He hadn't thought on it any further, as his day imploded rather spectacularly; but now that he was metres from her, it was all he could think about. And he found himself feeling feeling…uncharacteristically jittery and sick.
Was that normal?
That he didn't know because love was such a strange concept.
Thanks to some unknown algorithm that involved biological preferences, shared experiences, personality traits, and other little nuances; strangers would meet under a myriad of settings and build a relationship. Then one day, they would realise just how important that once-stranger had become to their life. How irreplaceable they were.
Absurd, but utterly human.
Love was a word that was so easy to use and abuse because it wasn't tangible. It had no specific definition. When someone spoke the word – even if they hadn't felt it for themselves – everyone understood the concept; if not always the depths of its meaning or the responsibilities that came along with it.
He couldn't say that he understood completely, but he was still learning.
Everything that had happened in the last month or so had made him recognise that love wasn't only a feeling. It was a conscious decision that a person made – and continued to make – each day in order to create the experience that was often described as love. That experience wasn't always a spectacular event; it wasn't always fireworks. It could be quiet and familiar. The feeling of home; of belonging. It could be the feeling of rightness that came while standing on a multi-coloured welcome mat that said Go Away in bold letters while listening to stomping feet on the other side of the door…
Which was thrown open abruptly, revealing a very irritated Rose…who was wielding a trainer like a weapon.
And just like that, all the jittery feelings subsided.
"Why the—" When she saw him, her anger evaporated as she lowered her hand, casually dropping the trainer and kicking it off to the side. She gave an awkward cough. "I thought you were—well, a stranger."
He quirked a brow at her. "That you were going to threaten with a trainer?" Scorpius folded his arms across his chest; a smallest smirk gracing his features.
Rose stuck out her foot to smoothly nudge the trainer even further out of his sight – as if he were ever going to let her live that one down. "Well, it was the first thing I put my hand on." She gave an unapologetic shrug. "Why didn't you use the Floo?"
"You blocked it."
She put a finger to her chin thoughtfully, "I did do that, didn't I?"
"You did," he intoned dryly with a roll of his eyes. "Any particular reason why?"
Rose gave an awkward half-shrug, glancing at her mismatched socks while repeatedly squeezing her right arm with her left hand. Scorpius couldn't stop himself from staring at her, but quickly noticed that he'd mistaken her behaviour for awkwardness.
"Plenty," she tried to project an air of sarcasm, but it fell flat. "It'll take forever to list them all."
She looked oddly dishevelled in her mustard yellow Cannons jumper and black leggings. Her hair was in a single braid that was messier than usual. She was on edge, and hadn't improved much after lunch with her parents.
"Go on," he invited.
She flashed a tiny smile that Scorpius could tell was partially forced. Rose seemed glad to see him – in that she wasn't actively slamming the door in his face – but she wasn't extending him an invitation into her flat either. And she certainly wasn't taking him up on his offer.
"Rose?"
He tried to read her body language for cues, but didn't get far. Absently, he reached to tuck a small flyaway behind her ear; noticing the way she tracked the movement with her eyes and managing to stop himself just short of touching her. The look on her face was indecipherable – nothing uncommon for Rose, but he found himself wanting to know more than ever what was on her mind. Scorpius pressed his lips together, keeping his eyes on her as he rested the hand on her shoulder.
"Sorry," she mumbled, shrugging his hand off. "I'm in a shit mood."
"Anything I can do?"
Stubborn to the bitter end, Rose replied, "No, it's nothing. Really." She fiddled with the end of her braid, then sighed. "My performance at lunch was not my best. My guess is that one – if not both of my parents are going to turn up unannounced. That's why I blocked my Floo. I'm taking precautions against human interaction."
"Working smarter, not harder," he joked lightly to see if he could make her smile.
It worked.
Somewhat.
Awkwardly, Scorpius rubbed the back of his neck. "I can go back to my flat, if you want to be alone." He actually couldn't, because Al was gathering everyone as they spoke, but figured he would give her the option anyway.
"No," Rose replied a little quickly, tucking her hair behind her ears in a move that raised her sleeve and exposed more of her discoloured skin that still made him uncomfortable. It looked a little better, from what he could see. "I'm, uh, I'm glad you're here." Then she tilted her head inquisitively. "Why are you here?"
He had a list of reasons and excuses that he could use to delay telling her about what had happened, but settled for honesty: "Because I want to be here."
"Oh." Judging from the way she looked up at him with such blankness, he could tell that she had no idea how to process his statement. "Okay."
"Are you going to let me in?"
"Only if you agree to my only condition: promise not to say anything about the state of my flat."
Before agreeing, he attempted to look past her. From his vantage point, he had a small space where he could see into the sitting room and tried to use it wisely. In an attempt to thwart him, Rose jumped and waved her arms wildly, which made him try harder, move faster, but Rose was too quick.
Those duelling lessons had quickened her reaction time.
Scorpius rolled his eyes, unable to keep the smile off his face. "I'm going to see it anyway."
"Not until you promise!"
After Rose successfully blocked his way again, Scorpius went low, using his advantages in height and strength to lift her off the ground in one quick motion. She shrieked when he tossed her over his shoulder as if she weighed no more than a sack of flour; his arm wrapped around the back of her thighs so he wouldn't drop her. It was a move James had used once – or ten times – to physically carry Rose away from a fight when they'd been at school. Like then, Rose swore, flailing her arms and legs while he laughed and grabbed her ankles with his free hand to stop her from kicking him.
"Not fair with the cheap move! I knew you should have been sorted Slytherin!"
"I almost was," he confessed for the first time since he'd initially told Al. "But the Sorting Hat gave me a choice between the two Houses." He used his foot first, then his elbow to shut the door shut behind him.
"I knew it!"
Scorpius continued laughing and she punched him in the back with more strength than he had expected, but it still didn't hurt. After struggling unsuccessfully, Rose sighed with resignation and hung there, arms dangling. "Ugh, go ahead before the blood rushes to my head."
Permission granted, he turned, walking past the entrance wall into the sitting room and—nearly dropped Rose in shock.
"Don't. Say. Anything—"
Scorpius couldn't keep the awe out of his voice, "It's clean."
Rose sighed with resignation. "I hate it here."
It was the cleanest he had ever seen her flat; everything rearranged in a way that opened up the room. Not to mention, it was decorated. Scorpius was used to her minimalistic furniture, but now there was a colourful vintage-looking kilim rug and throw pillows on the sofa; not to mention, the new lamps and the abstract paintings on the wall. Magical photos of her family and friends organised in frames.
None of that had been there last night.
After depositing a grouchy Rose on the sofa, Scorpius accepted her retaliatory shove with a laugh and as he nodded in the direction of the kentia palm. "Is that real?"
"Unfortunately." She was busy glaring at the budding but bare plant on the coffee table as if she were trying to set it on fire with her mind. "I'm still trying to figure out why she gave me this potted twig."
"It's an orchid."
"Oh, well now her note with watering directions makes perfect sense."
Rose turned her glare on him when he chuckled, but Scorpius only grinned in response. She rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile of her own.
Progress.
"This is all Jane's fault. I gave her access to my flat this morning because she wanted to adjust its energy or something. How did she do this so fast? She had to work!"
"Do you really not like it?"
"It irritates me that I do," she scrunched her face up, then gestured to the plants. "But how the hell am I supposed to keep these damn things alive?"
"Um…water?"
Rose punched him in the arm, which made him laugh again. It felt like they were getting back on track, and he relished in it. She reached for the book she'd been reading prior to his arrival. His eyebrow lifted at her reading choice: The Secret to Combating Anxiety Naturally. She caught him eyeing her book and shrugged, opening the book to where she'd left off. "Trying this new thing where I combat my issues and not ignore them. I have little else to do these days."
There was really no other way to say it. "You're set to return to work on Monday."
Rose froze, staring at him. "How did you find that out?"
"Barracus." She instantly went tense. "Al and I met him today." He amended his statement after glancing at his watch, "Not too long ago, actually." Her eyes went wide at that, and Scorpius wasn't sure how to respond.
He had previously been worried about her unconscious reaction to Barracus when she'd told him about her interrogation, but after having met the man, it made sense. Partially. True, he had been a threatening presence, but there was something about her body language that made him wonder what he was missing; what he was overlooking. Barracus had gotten too far under Rose's skin for their interaction to have gone exactly the way she'd described.
"What did he say?"
"He used his position to rush your return, and called it an apology."
"That bastard," she hissed.
He wouldn't argue that. "Aurors are slowly being replaced by Unspeakables, who will be tasked with security."
"That's not part of their duties." She would know. He had been with her Seventh Year when she'd quickly ruled out a career as an Unspeakable by quoting Spiderman.
With great power comes great responsibility.
"They have no choice. Your uncle has made his mind up."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, but I'm also not sure if I'm saying that because I'd rather chew on sawdust than see that wanker and his minions in the halls of St. Mungo's." Rubbing her arms almost out of reflex, she froze when she realised what she'd been doing and balled her hands into fists. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not afraid of him. I was afraid of the situation he put me in."
"Rose."
But she didn't hear him; looking far away, lost in her thoughts. Or perhaps memories.
"It was like he walked in that room knowing that being alone was a fear I'd never shared with anyone. How did he know that?"
"Most humans have an inherent fear of being alone," he replied. "Call it an evolutionary quirk."
Rose looked dubious.
"Hear me out," Scorpius nudged her. "You come from a large family and it's never quiet. As much as you complain, I don't think you can imagine them not being there. It makes sense that being alone is something you fear. It's something I fear, as well," he balanced his honesty with a shrug. Rose chewed on her fingernail as a distraction. He exhaled. "But neither of us are alone. You have family and—"
"You?"
He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "Yes, me."
"I'm—"
"Fine?" Scorpius finished, raising his eyebrow in an expression of his doubt. Rose avoided his gaze by looking away. "You can pretend with everyone else, but I won't let you pretend with me. You know I won't. I never have."
Rose remained quiet for almost too long until she softly said, "You know," she gave a deep sigh that made her shoulders sag. "I've always struggled with outright lying to you."
"Then be honest."
Another moment of silence passed before she reluctantly spoke her mind. "There's loads more than Barracus and other stressors floating around in my head." She looked at him finally, and there it was – that same naked honesty he'd seen last night. "There's you." She set her jaw before voicing her frustration. "How can you come here and be so normal after last night?"
"I told you I would wait until you're ready," he told her firmly. "And you're not."
Rose shut her eyes; as if the action made it easier for her to speak. "I just—I feel. I—I don't know how to act or what's normal. I don't know what's right or wrong given…what happened with us. I hate it. I just—" Unable to finish, Rose opened her eyes, looking ready to pull at her own hair.
Despite her inability to express the thought, he comprehended enough to scoot over to the point where they were touching, pluck the book from her hand, and place it on the table out of reach. He ignored the strange looks Rose gave him and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close.
In that moment, he noted the tension between them.
Her reluctance and self-consciousness.
But also, the way she didn't fight it or him.
After a while, Rose exhaled, releasing some of the strain she'd been carrying since he'd arrived and angling herself so she could comfortably rest her head on his shoulder; all while tentatively wrapping an arm around him, gripping his robes. And Scorpius held on, giving the physical reassurance she couldn't express that she wanted.
The same thing he hadn't known he needed as well.
Scorpius absently ran his hand up and down her arm, if only to stop himself from doing more. Or something stupid like snog her blind. It seemed that now that he was in her presence, he found himself having to repeatedly shut the idea down in the interest of not being reckless.
Rose was so quiet that he thought she had dropped off to sleep, but then she mumbled, "What did Barracus want?"
"Something he didn't get."
"Good."
Slowly, he started from the beginning, telling her everything about their encounter with him – well, except the shoes. She didn't need to know that. Especially since, during his retelling, he'd picked up on how Rose seemed to cycle between troubled and angry and every conceivable emotion between.
When he finished, Scorpius cupped her cheek with his free hand, angling her head up so he could look into her eyes; a move that seemed to pull her from whatever was agitating her. Rose took her time searching his face; her eyes narrowing as if she were trying to solve a puzzle.
It was that familiar feeling again; one where the world bled away, fading until there was nothing left except them. Rose tensed as his other hand moved from her shoulder, down her back, then a bit lower, running into strip of skin where her jumper stopped and her leggings began. But then her facial features softened into a familiar look that was only notable in his inability to read it.
Then she retreated to the other end of the sofa. "Sorry."
He rubbed the back of his head as he sat up straighter, trying to maintain his air of complete composure. "Don't," At the confused look she gave him, Scorpius clarified his statement. "If anyone should apologise, it should be me." When her face changed to interrogative, he filled her in: "Al went to get your parents to bring them here so we can all talk. With you cleared to return, I thought—"
"We need to talk about the fact that Barracus is going to be a fixture in my life," she sighed and it sounded tired. "After my Inquiry, my mum started asking for the memory." Rose made a face and looked down at her hands. "I fared far better than expected: four times in two days, I told her no, but I caved today at lunch in a moment of weakness."
She sounded worried, which prompted him to ask, "What is she going to see?"
Instead of answering, Rose said. "I'll go open my Floo," she looked at him. "You should probably change. I think I have some of Al's clothes here. They're on the chair in my room."
Not wanting to press his luck, he nodded and left. However, before he turned the corner towards her room, Scorpius glanced back at Rose, taking notice of the stress that seemed to radiate from her in near-visible waves. It filled the space and suffocated whatever energy Jane had tried to achieve.
They would have to fix that before she turned up with the Tibetan Bowls again.
The magical photographs in her room caught his attention. Not the old, but the new.
There was one of Al, Jane and Quincy taken the day before Scorpius' birthday – Al had on his flower crown. Then, there were a recent series of four photos taken of Jane and Rose. They were dressed in matching onesies and the former was grinning so brightly in each picture that he could hardly see her eyes. Rose went from annoyed in the first photo, fake smiling in the second, laughing at what Jane had said by the third, and letting Jane hug her in the last while looking from Jane to the camera as she flashed a genuine smile.
And there was one of him that she hadn't put up before.
It was taken after he'd changed his hair Sixth Year. He'd been engrossed in a book when Al had come into the frame and ruffled his hair in a move that knocked his glasses askance. For some reason, rather than expressing any sort of irritation, Scorpius had looked right at the camera, right at Rose, and smiled.
No, grinned.
When Rose had been on her six-month quest to be a world-famous photographer that year, she'd told him that photographs were always taken with a purpose: to remember things, for the benefit of someone else, and to record something notable. And Scorpius found himself wondering what had made that photograph notable enough for her put it on her bedside table.
Or what had made her take it in the first place.
Scorpius filed the thought away for later contemplation and found the clothes, quickly changing into Al's dark green shirt and denims, forgoing his shoes in favour of socks. After folding his work robes and placing them on her bed to retrieve later, he ventured out the bedroom, but stopped when he heard voices coming from the main area.
One of them sounded like Lily and she was already in a snit.
"It's not like you're doing anything, Rose."
To his surprise, Rose sounded oddly patient. "My parents are coming through." Or maybe tired. He couldn't distinguish the difference between just by voice alone. "I'm not sure what you want to talk about, but—"
"I want to talk about Scorpius."
That got his attention, but he wasn't surprised. No matter how direct he'd been, Lily would not yield. He'd given her lenience as Al's sister, but had been resolved in his position to be firm with each and every one of his denials until she finally decided to concede.
He had Al's support.
"What about him?" Rose sounded bewildered. "If you're looking for him, he's in—"
"I'm not," Lily cut her off brusquely. "I wanted to talk to you."
"Um…okay?"
"Have you actually talked to him about the benefits of dating me?" Rose said nothing, which prompted her cousin to prattle on, "We've got so much potential. We'd be an amazing couple. I just know it. I'm a Leo and he's a Pisces. We're both young, successful, and fit. We're both from prominent wizarding families, which means would generate a lot of press—far more than you two did when you broke his nose."
"I didn't break his nose to make the papers." There was a moment of awkward silence before Rose suddenly barked out a short, dry laugh that sounded more restrained than cheery. "You're having me on, right?" she asked incredulously. "You came through to ask me that?"
"Yes," she replied, sounding every bit as petulant as Lily could be.
Rose sighed like she was being forced to explain something obvious. "Scorpius hates the press, but he'll keep up that stupid media smile of his because he's painfully self-aware and knows that anything he does, good or bad, will reflect on his family. Attention of any kind is not something he'll see as a positive. Second, I'm—" she sounded almost flat. "I'd rather not today, Lily. I'm not having the best day, or month, really."
Her cousin only snorted sarcastically in response.
"I already know you don't give a shit about that." Rose paused. "However, just so we're clear. I never agreed to help you win Scorpius over. It's a pointless mission."
"Some cousin you are," Lily sounded bitter. And Scorpius wondered what had given her the right to sound that way. Because there was something. There was always a purpose behind each of Lily's actions. "You're supposed to help me."
Rose took a deep, cleansing breath, that she audibly exhaled. "I'm trying to do this thing where I don't use sarcasm as a defence mechanism. Jane suggested it," she chucked dryly, "I'll be sure to tell her that it's not working because I can't think of a single thing to say that isn't sarcastic. The only thing I can say is that you'd be better off going to Al for data on Scorpius. As well as I know him, Al knows him better. Bromance for the ages."
Lily made a small noise. "Before, he just alluded to it, but today Al outright said that Scorpius doesn't fancy me." It didn't seem to bother her one bit. Not surprising. "So, I'm asking you."
"I'm not in the mood for this," Usually, Rose was far more vocal in expressing her annoyance with Lily – with far more colourful language – but right then, she sounded…flat. "I'm trying to be patient. You're testing it."
"I don't understand why you're not in the mood," she dismissed her flippantly. "It's not like you've done anything all day except sit at home and stuff your face with carbs." He heard Rose's disbelieving mutterings behind Lily's comment, but the latter continued on, unbothered. "At this point, are you ever going to be cleared to go back to work?"
"I—"
"The entire situation is a right mess." For one second, Scorpius thought that she would empathise with Rose, but was quickly proven wrong. "In my opinion, had you cooperated, you wouldn't be bruised and my dad wouldn't have had to rescue you. It's really your own fault, Rose, and now my dad is under a lot of pressure at work because of what he did for you."
"What he did for me," Rose repeated in that hollow tone he was rapidly growing to hate.
"Yes. For you," she forged ahead without heeding all the non-verbal warning Rose had been giving. "You've really mucked this one up, as per usual, and here you are playing the victim."
There was a spark in her next words that hadn't been there previously. "I'm not a victim."
"No, you're not," Lily agreed frivolously. "You've caused your own issues."
From there, silence stretched on between them. Scorpius took to listening to the ticking clock on the wall, counting the seconds. And the higher his count went, the more uneasy he became; their silence reminding him more and more of an elastic band – too tense, too volatile, and too ready to snap back and hurt everyone. But then Rose broke it, and there was no mistaking her tone.
The spark had caught; the fire small, but already crackling.
"Are you trying to start a fight?"
Which was something Scorpius had been wondering himself. Lily had purposefully come to her flat unannounced andbacked her cousin into the first corner she could…knowing perfectly well that Rose had always been best known for fighting her way out of them.
"Yes."
"Just making sure," her voice went low and hard, "Get on with it then."
Surprisingly, Lily said nothing immediately and the previous silence returning with a vengeance; a new wave of uneasiness that he felt from his spot behind the wall. But just when he was about to check to see if Rose had hit her with a silencing charm – or worse, her fist – Scorpius heard Lily's low and derisive chuckle.
"You're my problem, Rose," she sounded like she was voicing something she'd been holding on to for years. "All I've ever wanted was for us to be close. For us to be like you and Al are, but all you do is push me away. I try so hard, but it's impossible. You've always been impossible. I do so much for you, but you fight me every chance you get."
"You do so much for me," Rose repeated coldly.
"I do," Lily sounded so self-righteous that had he not known her, he would have been convinced that Rose was not being reasonable. "I always help you stay in style. I give you clothes to wear when we go out. I made sure you looked nice at the gala—"
Leave it to Lily to go for the superficial.
"Those were my mum's robes," Rose retorted, "I'm not a child. I know how to dress myself."
"Do you now?" And it was said in such a condescending way that it made Scorpius cringe. "I have so much evidence that proves otherwise."
Scorpius was used to their snide remarks, verbal jabs and comebacks that were casually thrown about. But there was something particularly hostile in their exchange today. Something dark and ugly.
"Also," Lily pressed on, oblivious to the tension that even he could feel from the other side of the wall. "I helped you lose ten pounds since I started monitoring your carb intake. You should thank me."
"You were supposed to help with my ankle. That's it."
"Well, now that you weigh less, its less of a strain on your ankle. So, I helped anyway."
Rose let out a choked off snort of disbelief. "Wow, I sometimes forget how vapid you are."
"Is that so?" Lily rhetorical question sounded more like a challenge. "I have never forgotten how much I hated being in your shadow, Rose. I found myself wondering what it is about you that makes you so damn special to Scorpius, but I've realised the answer: nothing."
That humourless chuckle of hers returned. "So, you're absolutely certain about this?"
"Yes, I am." There was such animosity in Lily's tone that it made him curious about the source. She sounded like she had every right to fight; like she had been wronged and was standing up for herself.
"I figured that we were going to repress this until we were old and grey," her words were light, but her tone was strained. "But perhaps this way is better. I've kept my mouth shut for years in some deluded attempt at keeping the peace. For the good of our family. But you want to fight? Fine, I—"
"I'm angry at you."
"Are you now?" Rose drawled. "I hadn't noticed…given the fact that you've dramatically barged in unannounced and uninvited."
"I'm not being dramatic!" she shouted – well, dramatically. It took Scorpius aback at how sharp and shrilled her voice had gone, causing him to wince for the second time. "You have the nerve to call me dramatic, especially since Scorpius—"
"That's the third time you've mentioned him." Rose pointed out. "Which makes me think that you're not here to fight about our relationship – or lack thereof. It's not like you to give a damn about me when it doesn't suit you."
"Excuse you—"
Scorpius could hear her move – likely towards Lily and the brewing fight, rather than away.
"Face it, Lily. You only come around when you want something, when I can do something that you want, or when you want to put me down to feel better about yourself. Also, you've made it abundantly clear that Scorpius is the reason you've come," she pressed on, ignoring the offended noises coming from her younger cousin. He couldn't tell if she sounded angry or hurt or somewhere in between when she said, "So get on with it, Lily. Don't waste my time with your character analysis of me."
"Fine," she ground out angrily. "You've known for months that I've got feelings for him—"
"They aren't mutual," Rose shot back, exasperated. "You've said it yourself. What does that have to do with anything?" Her voice sounded like she was struggling to control her temper. "Are you absolutely certain that you want to fight? I've giving you an out. Last chance." And, well, Lily must have given her a look because all he heard next was her very cold response: "Okay."
It was the second time that day he'd heard that tone from someone in their family. Shit.
Scorpius stepped out from behind the wall, prepared to break it up and send Lily on, but then he locked eyes with Rose, as Lily's back was to him. The look on her face was deadly calm, even if her body language told him otherwise – a trait she shared with Al. Her cheeks were flushed with barely restrained indignation.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she waved him off with a quick flick of her wrist. Rose could handle herself – that much he had always known – but Lily's verbal declaration of war was the last thing she needed.
However, because he knew how to pick his battles – and it seemed they had more to fight about than just him – Scorpius gave her the space she'd requested, stepping back behind the wall.
"Go on, Lily."
And she went. "You and Al have repeatedly told me that Scorpius only sees me as Al's sister." Lily said angrily. "But how can he see me as more when you're there?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Your relationship with him isn't normal," she retorted bluntly.
"I'm bloody—" Rose caught herself, then exhaled. "Scorpius is my best mate."
"Best mate?" Lily snorted inelegantly, not believing what her cousin was saying. "No, he isn't. You've always been closer than that. You both literally forget about everyone else when you're talking; you're too familiar with each other. You don't even know how to ballroom dance and you almost completed a Waltz by just following his lead. It's not normal. You don't even have to speak, and its different from his and Al's language."
Her level of observation wasn't a surprise. Her talent for focusing so intensely on a goal until she accomplished it would be impossible if she weren't the least bit perceptive. Scorpius had taken to being careful in her presence when she'd noticed that he had feelings for someone that wasn't her, but now he understood the error he'd made in assuming that she would forget.
Lily never forgot anything.
And while he'd been cautious, she had been trying to solve the mystery.
"Today, I asked Al about you and Scorpius, but he said it was none of my business."
"You should listen to him."
That was her response to everything Lily had said?
Scorpius would have laughed had he not been on edge.
Well, her lack of an answer only upset her cousin more. "Maybe you should stop lying to me."
Rose's irritation with the topic of conversation peaked. "I'm not lying, Lily."
"You aren't? Really?" she deadpanned. "How about this," she hissed, voice dropping as her self-righteous anger made its presence known. "I saw you and him last night."
All the air seemed to leave the entire flat.
To Rose's credit, she said nothing. Not a word. Not a gasp. No reaction…at all. Scorpius kept quiet – more out of not really giving a damn about Lily catching him, than anything like shame. He wasn't regretful or embarrassed. Mrs. Weasley had said that she'd sent her out there to look for them, but hadn't specified when. They probably should have anticipated that Lily had seen them, but had been more than a little preoccupied at the time.
Besides, they had no reason to hide.
He peeked out from behind the corner, catching Rose's attention, noting that her blush had spread to her neck and ears. She locked eyes with him and he gave her a look, offering his assistance, but she rubbed the back of her neck and responded to her cousin, looking just as embarrassed as she sounded: "Umm…what part did you see?"
"You were snogging him on Nan's blanket!" Lily yelled, waving her arms wildly. "What the hell does it matter what part I saw!"
Which was a fair point.
She angrily swept her straight red hair over her shoulder, then balled her fists at her sides as if she were trying to compose herself after such an outburst. "How long?"
Rose's face scrunched in confusion. "How long what?"
Then, she pointedly glared at him. The direction had been clear. Scorpius stepped out of sight.
Lily sounded ready to throttle her cousin; more than willing to take the punishment that would fit the crime. "How long have you and Scorpius been—"
"We're mates, Lily," she told her matter-of-factly, "I don't know how many times I have to—"
"Oh, that's bullshit!" she shouted, voice ripe with validation for her emotional outburst. "Mates don't snog, Rose. Snogging him literally means the end of any kind of platonic notions you may have." Her voice lowered. "Everyone said the rumours weren't true, but it's obvious—"
"You were there when I broke his nose. You know that wasn't a snog. It was an accident."
"Do you even care about him?" Lily asked abruptly, sounding indignant.
"Of course," she said automatically, scoffing as if her cousin were being ridiculous for even asking. "He's my favourite person. He's my best—"
"If you say that one more time, I'll scream," she snapped, then took several breaths to calm down before continuing as if she were talking to an errant child. "I'll ask this one more time: do you like him? Fancy him? Are you attracted to him? Any of the above? Because what I saw—"
"I don't want to talk about what you saw," Rose lowered her voice. "I'm sorry you had to see that, but the only person who deserves—"
"I deserve an explanation!"
"No, you don't!" she interjected quickly and the two fell into another silence. But that didn't last long before Rose said, "He's not yours. He doesn't belong to anyone. Bloody hell, I'm trying to figure out if you're just that daft or that stubborn? I—" her words died and she exhaled. "I didn't force him to snog me. I didn't ask for it to happen."
"But you didn't stop him either."
"No, I didn't," she replied carefully. "But if you're angry at me, then you need to be angry at him."
Also, a good point, but Scorpius knew Lily would never confront him directly.
"He's not my cousin!" Lily replied, sounding angrier, if that was at all possible. "You lied to me about your relationship with Scorpius and let me flirt with him, only for him to—"
"I never lied to you, Lily. We. Are. Friends. What you saw doesn't change anything."
It was oddly nice, in such an incredibly tense moment, to have that sort of affirmation.
"Also, I never let you do anything," Rose told her abruptly. "You do whatever you want, say whatever you want, and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. You always think that you can change someone's mind, Lily. You always think you can turn a no into a yes. People don't work like that. Scorpius most definitely doesn't work like that – not that you know how he works at all."
And then, she lowered her voice, talking to her through gritted teeth.
"Oh, and last. Don't act like we're loyal to each other. Don't act like we're so close. We're not."
"Whose fault is that?"
"Both of us are to blame. I can't force us to get on. To be fair, I've never tried." Rose sounded abrupt; not at all upset, but rather accepting of the truth. "It's the same idea that you can try all you want, but you won't be able to change how Scorpius sees you. That's not how that works."
"Oh, and you know how that works?" she asked, voice heavy with sarcasm. "Tell me, when have you ever had a meaningful relationship with anyone of the opposite sex?"
"W-well," Rose stumbled on the word. "Actually," she made a small hmph noise before she answered, sounding astonished by what she was about to blurt out, but unable to stop herself from actually saying it: "That's really a stupid question. I could say Quincy, but the best answer to your question is Scorpius."
He probably should have expected that, but hadn't. He likely looked as surprised as she sounded, but Scorpius managed to keep himself perfectly still and quiet even as his mind ran on full speed, full of questions and partial answers. It wasn't like Rose to say something so honest, especially around Lily because nothing was sacred or safe around her.
But she had.
And much to his continued shock, Rose wasn't finished. "I don't care what you think about us. He's close because I want him there," she took a shaky breath and the verbal retch continued unchecked, "And even though I'm far more trouble than I'm worth, he's there. Who are you to question our relationship? It is – and will always be – none of your damn business."
"None of my—" Lily almost growled in anger. "You can tell me what you want; tell me not to force you to define your relationship, but I saw you both out there. You can't tell me that after snogging him like you were, you honestly think that you're just mates! Admit it, Rose! Be honest with me, for once in your—"
"I am being honest!"
"No, you're not!" she shouted back. "And if you can lie to me like that, you—"
"Why does it matter?" Rose yelled at her cousin. "Why does it matter how I feel?"
"Because you obviously don't give a damn about him or his feelings!"
"What feelings?" Rose asked, angry and bewildered.
"What feelings?" Lily repeated incredulously. "Are you having a laugh right now? You can't possibly be this stupid! You can't be!" She made a noise that made her sound as if she were moments from throttling her cousin. "You're either a complete idiot or you don't give a damn about him. I assume—"
"Stop making assumptions!"
"It's a simple question, Rose! Do you feel anything for him?"
"I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel!"
The blurted declaration echoed in his head on repeat as the dreaded silence returned for another round. He could hear one of them pacing, but didn't dare move. Nor could he. The confirmation of his correct hypothesis had made his heart lurch in his chest and his throat thicken to the point where, even if given the opportunity, Scorpius didn't think he would be able to speak.
For the first time, he had no idea what to do with a correct answer.
"I…I care," Rose said at long last, sounding as overwhelmed as she'd been before she'd kissed him that last time. Dam broken and levees faulty, words seemed to pour from her unimpeded. "We've been friends since we were eleven. Of course, I care about him. He's practically a part of me. Outside of family, he's—Jane's new, Quincy too, but Scorpius—don't you dare accuse me of not giving a damn."
He could only imagine how furious Lily looked right then.
Rose struggled on, trying to repair her guards to raise them back up. "I don't know how—I don't. I just—fuck!" The frantic tone she'd taken was audible, and he was certain she was panicking at her inability to shut up. "I'm not talking about this with you."
"I know—"
"You don't know him, Lily." Rose told her not so gently. "You say you fancy him, but you only like the Scorpius that you see; the Scorpius that's clever and generous and quietly fierce. You only care about the superficial; that he'll look good with you in public. He's much more than a damn prop."
In ten years of friendship, Scorpius never once needed confirmation of what she thought about him, but affirmation was calming.
"Lily," Rose continued, sounding tired. "I didn't snog him to hurt you. It just happened. I didn't know you were there. I'm not even certain how it all escalated so quickly. We just…" she made a little noise that was close to a painful groan. "I'm not even sure what the hell is going on in my own head right now, let alone his, but we're not—"
"You're not secretly dating him?" Lily asked in a levelled tone.
"Gods, no! Is that what you think? Is that why you burst in here?"
"Yes!"
"Well, I'm not."
And just when he thought it was all over, Lily had the audacity to request one more thing from her cousin. "Promise me that you won't. We'll make Scorpius off-limits."
"Off limits?" Rose retorted in disbelief. "To me or you?"
"I think you know the answer to that," she replied petulantly.
"Are you serious?" Her cousin must have responded because Rose mumbled something under her breath that sounded like ridiculous. "You've gone mental. Scorpius doesn't have a sign on him that says Keep Off The Grass. He's a fucking adult, as am I. You don't have the right to make that sort of request."
But Lily wasn't backing down, not when she believed she had the upper hand. "It should be an easy promise since you're mates." Then she paused. "That's the only way I'll forgive you."
Rose said nothing and Scorpius held his breath. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for; what he had hoped to gain from just listening and not interrupting like he should – because Lily had no right treating him like something to be owned. But perhaps, deep down, he wanted to hear her response because she knew he was listening. He wanted to hear Rose make her own decision.
Wanted her to choose him.
"You're just not going to forgive me then."
Scorpius exhaled, thoughts running at full speed as he tried to process all of her verbal vomit.
Her answer incensed Lily. "Why not?"
"I don't need your conditional forgiveness as I've done nothing wrong." Rose sounded like she was about to have another episode of verbal vomit, but stopped herself. "When he compared you to his mother last night, that wasn't a fucking compliment. She tries to force her way into another part of his life where she doesn't belong. You're doing the same thing, and I don't understand why because you've got no right to him. He's not yours. He's not even your friend. And more than that, Scorpius is not a thing that can be possessed or controlled. He simply won't allow it."
"Well—"
"So help me, I'll fight you right now if you keep on trying."
There was no mistaking her tone. She meant it.
"You want him for yourself."
At the accusation, Rose laughed, and it had a sort of hysterical edge in it that didn't sound funny. "Is that what you think? You think I would purposefully complicate one of the most important relationships I have, for what? In spite of you?" Rose sounded furious. "I've always known your ego was out of control. I've always known you were immature. Thank you for the confirmation of both."
"I—"
"Oh, and just so you know, he snogged me. Twice. Last night and on his birthday. How do you explain that?"
"You're his rebellion. You always have been," Lily's voice was callous, like she'd known where to set aim and was ready to fire everything she had. "You're everything his family doesn't want for him. You're not up to anyone's expectations. You're smart, of course, and not unattractive. However, you have nothing to offer him or his family. Brains aren't always everything."
It was like all the fire in Rose just died. "Is that all?"
The answer was no.
"You don't have a real career that the Malfoy or Greengrass families would respect; you quit everything you start. Not to mention, you've never had a relationship that's lasted longer than your jobs. How can they possibly want someone like you? You'll be a burden to him and you'll never fit in the life he's set to inherit; you'll never be able to handle the pressure or the weight of their traditions. The moment it becomes too much, you'll just quit anyway. You're abrasive and selfish and improper and you have no idea what you want. You hide your fears and insecurities behind your stupid argument topics rather than talking about your problems like a normal human being, and it's because you know the truth: you're not good enough."
A deafening silence fell over everything.
"I hated saying that, but it's the truth."
"It didn't sound like you hated saying any of that," Rose sounded like all her emotions had been reduced to nothing but ash.
"Is that all you have to say after everything I've said?" Lily snapped.
"You haven't said anything I haven't heard already."
"It's because you're a fuck-up, Rose," she said bluntly. "You're a disappointment and an embarrassment, and everyone knows it. Everyone thinks it. That's why Aunt Hermione's so worried about you; why she got you the job at St. Mungo's. You're a waste of potential and that's why everyone indulges you; they're so used to you quitting everything and messing up that they have to praise you when you get one thing right. You may have fooled everyone into thinking you've gotten your shit together, but I know the truth. You've already gotten yourself in the middle of a murder investigation. It's only a matter of time before you muck everything up again, and this time, you'll take down more than just yourself."
Scorpius was far beyond hearing enough. He didn't care any more about Rose waving him off. He moved.
"You've got to know that his mother is set on finding him a suitable wife; no matter how much he obviously wants nothing to do with it. So, actually, it makes sense that he would rebel with you. It—"
"You're wrong on so many counts." Scorpius said from the doorway, causing both of their heads to jerk in his direction. Rose looked far paler than usual, but where he expected fury – and there was plenty of it – there was also a complicated swirl of other emotions he couldn't discern.
She was a bomb about to go off.
And that was the likely reason she was digging her fingernails into the back of her left hand; to physically force herself not to explode in front of her cousin, and give her the victory she thought she had all but secured with her verbal attack.
"Score," Lily said in surprise, plastering on a weak smile. "I didn't know you were here."
"Does it matter?" he folded his arms across his chest, frowning. "You're wrong."
She twitched at his tone, but his face never changed. "How much did you hear?"
"Enough to tell you exactly that you've wasted your time coming here. You're Al's sister, I'll never see you as anything else." Her face evened out, as her smile vanished. "As far as what you've said to Rose—"
"I only told her the truth," Lily said unapologetically. "Someone had to."
"And you think that's the truth?" he asked, voice low but fierce. "You think it's your job to speak it?"
"I do," she answered with a defiant lift of her chin.
Rose spoke up before he could tell Lily exactly what he thought of her, what she'd said to Rose, and what she'd said about him. "Because you've elevated from writing jingles on the wireless to writing awful songs for pop artists and telling people how to dress—that somehow makes you better than me?"
"You've—"
"It doesn't," she interrupted coldly. "You're no different from me, Lily. My mum may have gotten me my job – something I most definitely didn't want her to do as I hate nepotism – but you never stop telling anyone who'll listen that you're a Potter. Do you think that anyone would care about your songs or your fashion choices were the daughter of anyone else? No, they wouldn't. You're not even qualified and your songs are rubbish. Stop acting like you're better because you're a nineteen-year-old wizarding world influencer."
"I've worked hard to get where I am."
"That's true, but you think—no, for fuck's sake, Lily, when you left Hogwarts, you didn't have a plan either. You only got your big break because Uncle Harry asked them to use one of your jingles for a commercial on the Wireless, and it was so awful that people found it catchy."
That shut Lily right up, because it was the truth.
"You don't have any room to judge me for not knowing what I want out of life. You have no room to judge me, at all. You've got no right to come here and act like I've committed a sin against you when I haven't."
Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Rose was having none of it.
"Wow," she intoned dryly, chuckling, but there was something very brittle in it; like she was one misstep from falling apart. Rose looked seconds from puncturing her skin with her nails. "Do you want to know why we aren't close, Lily?"
"Rose," he said her name because she sounded too raw and too hurt.
"You treat me like shit," her voice was thick with the emotions she all but was choking on. "For years, I've ignored it. I pretended that how you treat me doesn't bother me; that it doesn't matter because you're only being yourself. I've acted like I don't care that you treat me like I'm nothing but a charity case; like I'll never amount to anything because I'm – I'm not good enough."
"Rose," Scorpius tried again her name again, but got no response.
"I may be all of what you've said since you came storming in here. I've heard it all before. I know who I am and I recognise my flaws for what they are, but I'm trying to better myself. Can you say the same?" She released her grip from her hand, fisting the sleeve of her shirt. "No, you can't."
He made a third attempt, but it was far too late.
Words spilled from her like water from a glass that had been teetering on the edge for quite some time. "How could I want to be close to someone like you? Someone who makes an effort to point out every single mistake I've ever made as further evidence of their own superiority. Someone who turns every good thing I do into rubbish. I'm your cousin, but be honest, you don't give a shit about me so stop pretending like you do. Stop pretending that the distance between us is hurting you! It only hurts you when you don't get your way!"
Lily just stared at her, face reddening.
"Why would I let you closer? So that you can stab me in the front, as opposed to the back?"
Rose stepped towards her cousin and Scorpius could almost feel the thrum of her heavy emotions in the air around them.
"How could I want to be around someone so toxic, self-centred, and spoiled that they don't even notice that they're the problem? You're the problem," Rose chuckled lowly. "And what's funny is that we're all to blame. All of us! We've always made excuses for your poor behaviour. We look away and remain silent when you're on the prowl. We enable you by letting you do and say whatever the hell you want at the expense of our own feelings. And why don't we speak up? Because it's easier. It's easier to be poisoned by you rather than take the antidote, which is putting you in your damn place." She took a sharp breath. "Well, here I am, taking the antidote!"
She took another step towards Lily.
"But, you see," Rose spat hotly. "The problem is that when we do fight back, all we hear are more excuses for you. Lily's the youngest of the first pack and sometimes you and Al being so close is hard on her."
It was a perfect impersonation of her uncle Harry.
"Lily's just trying to help."
And she sounded like her grandfather.
"Just let her, Rose. It's easier that way."
And she sounded like Uncle Percy.
"Lily got that Weasley fire in her, but Rose you've got to be nicer because you're older. You know better."
And she sounded like her grandmother.
"I know what she said, but she's your cousin. She loves you."
And she sounded like Teddy.
"Fuck," Rose clipped the coffee with her leg, but she didn't even notice. "I am sick to death of it!" She took another step towards her cousin, who had gone awfully silent, but her face was still red with anger. "I'm finished pretending like you're not a complete and utter shit! I'm finished pretending for the sake of keeping the peace. I'm finished letting you treat me however you want out of some misguided sense of family. I'm finished. I'm done! I don't care about your feelings. Right now, I don't even care about you." Rose pointed at the Floo that Lily had come from. "Get out."
An indignant, red-faced Lily looked at him as if he were going to overrule her.
He didn't.
"You should go."
And she did.
She grabbed a handful of Floo powder from the bowl in such a huff that she knocked the container over, breaking it and spilling powder everywhere. Her only reaction was that she looked down at the mess like it had personally offended her before stepping into the fireplace and leaving in a burst of green flames.
Rose waited until the flames had settled before she unconsciously walked backwards until her knees hit the sofa, forcing her to drop down. She grabbed at her hair, digging her hands in her scalp and gripping it tight, just for a second before she let it go. Rose took a series of breaths in an attempt to calm herself down before covering her face with her hands and expressing her rage and pain in a series of swear words muffled behind her hands.
And then her shoulders started shaking and he already knew what was coming.
Tears.
Scorpius knew that he needed to say something – anything that would kill the awful silence that followed Lily's departure – but couldn't. Physically, his lungs couldn't create the air pressure, nor could his brain formulate the right words or phrasing needed to say the words that had to be said.
"I'm fine," Rose choked out the lie with wet eyes. "This isn't anything I didn't already know."
But she broke anyway, taking deep and sharp breaths as she sobbed into her hands.
Scorpius thought back to how many times Rose had said that phrase: she'd said it three times today, once when she had last argued with Henrietta, and he'd heard her say that to his mother a time too many in the past. She sounded wounded, but reconciled; like she believed everything they had said about her and had accepted their words as the truth.
And his truth was – well, he couldn't remain quiet.
"I'm being stupid," she whispered. Tears coursed down her cheeks that she aggressively rubbed away with the back of her hand. Her body language was still tense as she struggled to pull herself together. "It's just Lily being an utter shit. I shouldn't be upset. There's knowing the truth, and hearing it. I'll be fine," Rose told herself. "I'm always fine." Her voice broke. "I-I have to be."
"Rose."
She took a quick shuddering breath, bowing her head. "I know."
"No, you don't."
After steeling himself, Scorpius kneeled in front of Rose, carefully placing his hands on her knees. For what felt like too long, he didn't move. He only watched her cycle between sniffling and staring blankly into space as she visibly fought to keep herself from feeling the full extent of her painful emotions.
Or displaying them.
He noticed that she'd successfully torn a hole in the sleeve of her jumper, but it didn't matter. He would help her mend it, just like he would help her repair everything else. Scorpius couldn't fix everything. Couldn't fix how she saw herself. Couldn't fix her insecurities. That she had to do herself. But she had his support, even if all he could do was vocalise the truth.
His truth.
It had nothing to do with him or his stupidly named Post-Serial Killer plans. He wasn't expecting a response; he only hoped that his words would help ease her mind. Scorpius inhaled, ignoring the logistics, his own anxiety and fears. He exhaled and cleared his mind of everything. Then Scorpius allowed the words to come out unchecked:
"To me, you're not a fuck up," Scorpius said with such quiet intensity that Rose lifted her head to meet his gaze. His nerves tried to return, but he ignored them by focusing on her.
He covered her tight fist with his hand.
"To me, you're not a rebellion." Rose's expression shifted to something he found impossible to interpret. Tears continued to fall unchecked, but she stopped trying to hide them. Stopped trying to resist. He took his hand from her knee and cupped her cheek with the palm, wiping away the tears with his thumb as he held her gaze.
Her entire body relaxed and he knew right then that he had her undivided attention.
"To me, you're—"
And the Floo burst to life with the arrival of Albus.
Then her parents.
He thought it was a figment of his imagination, but no: everyone was staring at him.
They were crowded around Rose's tiny dining table – her parents in the two seats across from him and Al. Rose, who had all but Disapparated into the kitchen when everyone had arrived, was busy making tea that no one would drink and hunting down pastries that none of them would eat.
Except her dad.
Scorpius cleared his throat, trying his luck with Al. "Did you tell them what happened?"
Before his best friend could respond, Hermione spoke up, sounding very matter-of-fact. "He did, and Barracus aside, I'd much rather talk about my daughter and why she's hiding in the kitchen."
He glanced over at her dad, who was leaned back in his chair. He looked torn between going in there after Rose, and remaining in his chair because he knew it wouldn't make anything better. Scorpius looked at his best friend for assistance, but Albus was giving him the same pointed look as his aunt.
It was no use.
"Um…"
"Lily's bag is on the sofa." Al astutely pointed out. "Was she here?"
"She was," he answered in a tone that only made Al glare at him harder because he knew that Scorpius was holding back. "They got into an argument."
Which was putting it extremely lightly. They should have drawn their wands to maximize the destruction. Or at least for the room to reflect the damage they'd caused each other.
"I told her to leave it," Al said more to himself, face twisting into a deep scowl.
"Leave what?" Hermione asked her nephew, impatiently tapping her fingernail on the table.
Al looked at him and the look on his face told Scorpius everything that he needed to know. He'd changed shirts since lunch because he was planning to see Jane, which meant that Al had gone back to their flat; perhaps after he'd rounded up his aunt and uncle. Everything after – it all clicked.
Lily had been there and she told him what she'd seen, expecting him to take her side. And when he didn't, they argued and she'd come straight to Rose's flat to confront her directly.
"She told me that she was going to meet some mates at the spa to get her mind off things."
Hermione looked between them, very interested.
Scorpius blinked at him. "And you believed her?"
Al tried to respond, but Rose emerged from the kitchen with a tea kettle and five cups floating next to her, effectively ending the conversation. She held a plate of biscuits that looked edible – so that meant she hadn't made them herself. As everything was placed on the table, Rose used magic to pour hot water in each teacup and place the tea bags. She summoned sugar cubes and honey from the kitchen and sat in her seat at the end of the table between him and her mother.
Scorpius could see her parents' concern, but also knew Rose didn't want to talk about anything, so he attempted to start the conversation. "So, Barracus."
Her dad immediately ate two biscuits, back-to-back.
"What exactly happened with him?" Hermione asked them both, but knew very well that she wouldn't forget their previous topic of discussion.
Al jumped right in. "That creepy, Ministry-file reading—"
Which grabbed her attention. "Ministry file?"
"He literally summarised Rose's file to us, and threatened to do the same to me."
"I have a file?" she asked quietly.
Hermione tried to hand Rose a biscuit when her dad went for his third, but she only eyed it and declined, which seemed to worry her mother more.
She loved sweets more than she loved most people.
"Of course, you do, love. We all have a file," her frown seemed to gradually appear. "However, I went through a great deal of trouble to keep yours and Hugo's private since I'm to be Minister. I didn't want anyone nosing around because of that. Al," she addressed her nephew. "I know that Harry did the same for you, James, and Lily when you were younger." She looked over at her husband, who was thoughtfully frowning.
It was so similar to Rose that it was sort of comical.
"Well, he was most definitely informed," Al told her, shuddering at the memory. "He even knew about the A Rose got in Muggle Studies Third Year."
"Ah, when I made up that fake fact about Muggles and—"
"You did what?"
Ron started laughing and Rose's eye shifted from side-to-side in an attempt to avoid her mother's penetrating gaze. "It's sort of a funny story."
Which only made her dad laugh harder. Hermione hit her in the arm husband until he stopped, but he snuck a look of approval at his daughter when her mum wasn't looking that made Rose give him a tiny smirk in response.
Whatever worked.
"We'll revisit that story later," and he had no doubt that she would.
Scorpius glanced over at Al, who wasn't laughing, but wore a pensive look. He doubted that they were thinking about the same thing.
"He managed to get Rose and Al's Ministry files, despite the fact that they're private." Scorpius pointed out. "Shouldn't we find a way to obtain his file? For motivation purposes. Because he's too fixated on this dagger for him to simply want it back in The Department of Mysteries. He told is that he'd spent his entire career working with it. There has to be a reason why he's doing all this work himself in an effort to get it back. Something personal. Department Heads rarely get involved in this sort of investigation."
"I did," she pointed out. "I lead the investigation before Rose's attack."
"Obviously because Rose is a staff member, and naturally, you would want to protect her."
Hermione looked right at him. "And you." Which made him pause, mid thought. Scorpius had known that she cared for him – as much as anyone would care about the best friend of their daughter and nephew.
Knowing that she thought of him as someone worth protecting rendered him speechless.
"The assignment came the day after William Savage died," she confessed. "The results of his autopsy prompted us to launch a full investigation as his death was not related to his injuries. I talked it over first with Ron, then with the Minister and Harry, and they all agreed that I should personally lead the investigation as you two were on staff. Not that it mattered, none of them would be able to stop my involvement anyway."
Scorpius looked at Ron, who nodded in confirmation. He glanced at Rose, who was looking at her parents strangely.
"Harry created a team of Aurors to assist, and together, we tried to stress the importance of vigilance and figure out who was behind the deaths without starting an outright panic. People kept dying and we learned very little until Rose's attack. Then, we learned that the situation was far more complicated than any of us had anticipated, but it was too late. I had to step back and allow Cauldwell to continue on as lead, as he was the most senior investigator that wasn't already on assignment. Needless to say, that didn't go as anticipated because he tried to use Rose's involvement to negatively reflect on me." She rolled her eyes at that and her husband just smirked like they had done a very stupid thing by messing with his wife.
Which wasn't wrong.
"Cauldwell supported a far more conservative contender for the Minister of Magic position, who alerted him to the fact that I'd been appointed instead."
His abrupt relinquishment of the investigation to the Department of Mysteries, just in time for Rose's Inquiry, made so much more sense on a political scale.
"The only positive after Rose's attack was that the murders stopped, giving us time to research and try to find out more about the dagger. After talking to Quincy's mother and learning that the dagger belonged to them, I approached Barracus to ask for his assistance as they knew so much about the weapon already. He seemed intrigued when I mentioned the dagger and I thought he would be keen to help. I had no idea he would usurp the investigation and Rose's Inquiry until Albus burst in and told me what had happened."
Hermione then proceeded to dig in her beaded bag, producing a folder filled to the brim with parchment and sat them on the table in front of Rose.
"Everything you need to know about Barracus is right here." And that had him immediately interested, but next to him, Rose looked a little hesitant to even touch it. "The night of your Inquiry, when you left to go to bed, I went back to the Ministry because I thought we might need this. It's a copy, of course, but I managed to acquire—"
Ron smothered the word steal in his cough.
She glared at him. "I acquired Barracus's Ministry file from the Hall of Records." She then flashed a smile at her nephew. "Thank you for the cloak, Albus."
He grinned, but it fell flat as he was still upset about the role that he'd played in his sister barging in on Rose. "Anytime, Aunt Hermione." Both Scorpius and Rose levelled him with looks, which made Al look at them both sheepishly. "You were at your family dinner, and you were barely holding it together."
"Uh-huh," was their simultaneous reply. He and Rose then exchanged looks and the corner of her mouth twitched before she went to pick up the file her mother had placed on the table. She opened it and there was a picture of Barracus, in all his egotistical glory, receiving his Order of Merlin – Third Class.
"Oh, and I forgot." And she went back into her bag while Rose started paging through his file while Scorpius scooted his chair closer to look on.
Hermione's head and entire arm were in her beaded bag before she found whatever it was that she had been looking for. Ron was rolling his eyes fondly from and then affectionately patted her hair down when she came back out with two more files. Scorpius picked up the top file, quirking a brow at the name. "Who is…Alder Henry?"
Rose looked up sharply, but it was Hermione that answered. "He's one of the Unspeakables from the Inquiry. I saw him in Rose's memory when she wisely asked for their names. They are the only Unspeakables with those last names, so they weren't hard to find. Alder Henry was the nervous one who tried to intervene, and Walden Brown was the researcher who seemed too giddy about the very idea of suppressing magic. I haven't had a chance to read either of their records, but they were accessible and I made copies."
Rose gawked at her mum. "I gave you the memory three hours ago."
And her response was a mere shrug. "I was properly motivated."
"Why do you need their files, Aunt Hermione?" Al asked, genuinely curious.
"A mother likes to know these things."
There was something in her tone that made Rose visibly tense. "Mum…"
"'Mione, you said you'd wait."
Whatever she had promised her husband earlier was off the table. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Scorpius was curious, immediately latching on to the idea that her mum had figured out the missing piece of her interrogation that Rose hadn't been able to tell him. Al looked genuinely confused, which was to be expected because – as Barracus pointed out – Rose hadn't told him much…if anything at all. Ron just sighed the sigh of someone who knew how to pick his battles. Rose's reaction to her mother's question was so visceral. She'd gone so rigid that her shoulders were bunched to her ears. Defensive. Rather than make eye contact, she had opted to stare down at Barracus' file until Scorpius reached over and folded it shut.
His face was the last thing she needed to focus on.
Hermione sighed, reaching to cover her daughter's hand. She was trying. "I know this has all been hard on you. I know, but I had no idea—I wasn't prepared to see what I saw. No parent wants to see someone threaten their child. Not like that."
Threaten.
Rose said nothing, only stared at their joined hands; her face terribly pale. More than anything, she still looked worn and fragile from before. Still brittle. Still ready to crumble.
"I'm not upset at you, Rose. I'm not. I just—an Unforgivable? He threatened you, and all I could do was watch it happen." Shakily, Hermione reached over and tucked Rose's hair behind her ear, and cupping her cheek with the same hand. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Her behaviour, the way she tensed when she heard Barracus' name…it all made sense.
He should have let Al hex him. And when he looked over at his best friend, Scorpius knew he was thinking the same thing.
"I—" Rose took her hand back from her mum, holding it to her chest, head still down. Ron stood then and came around his wife, kneeling at his daughter's side; not touching her but the back of her chair. He and Al exchanged a second look, wondering if they needed to leave, but her dad gestured for them to stay.
No sudden moves or she might shut down completely.
"Rosie?" he tried gently.
She looked at her dad. "I was trying to handle it all on my own."
"You don't have to," her dad said quietly. "You've got us. All of us."
"I know mum can't be too involved. It's not a good look for her now."
He felt her hand brush against his, and it was not accident. Rose was actively searching for contact until she found it. And Scorpius angled himself enough to comfortably take the hand she'd given him, holding on.
"You may be twenty-one, but you're still our Rosie. We want to be here for you. And," her dad dropped a light kiss on her forehead, chuckling to himself when he said, "It's been a long time since your mum cared about following rules."
Hermione glared, but there was no heat behind it. "What your dad means is—"
Rose worked her jaw, as if she were trying to hold back, but the words came anyway. "I was trying not to be a fuck up…again."
It was said in that same hollow voice from earlier. And for a moment, Scorpius shut his eyes, reliving the argument he'd witnessed; listening to Lily's words that seemed to have stayed with Rose. Words that had been with her for longer than he'd ever realised. Al went very still, balling his hands into tight fists. Her dad looked both sad and troubled, but her mum looked almost sick.
Her parents exchanged rather heartbroken looks, and while Ron pulled his daughter into an assuring hug – as best as he could in his position – Hermione put one hand on Rose's knee and the other on her husband's back. Then she spoke with more emotion than he'd ever heard from her: "I have never once thought of you as a fuck-up."
She picked up her hand only to wipe her own tears that had fallen during her statement.
Rose looked up from her hands, focused on her mother in such a way that he hadn't seen before.
"Who said that to you?"
She didn't answer.
"Is that what you think of yourself?"
Rose's continued unresponsiveness seemed to hurt her parents more.
And he found that it hurt him, too.
"This isn't about my feelings," Hermione said gently. "I can't help but feel like this is my fault."
Her dad opened his mouth to argue, but she shook her head.
"I've pushed you for years, Rose. I've talked to you, lectured you, implored you, tried to reason with you, fought with you, yelled at you, and even tried to guilty trip you. I've showed the extent of my frustration, and I've…done it around certain people who may have misconstrued my feelings as disappointment."
Scorpius knew that she'd picked up on the cues from his and Al's conversation to determine what had happened.
"I'm not disappointed in you." Hermione rubbed away Rose's tear with her thumb. "I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you weren't good enough." She took her hand again and squeezed it gently. "You are."
Her dad adjusted his hold on her and she slowly relented, relaxing in his embrace, breaking. Rose lifted her head again and there were fresh tears in her eyes. Her mother looked almost physically wounded by the display of raw emotion coming from her daughter because it was something she saw so rarely. Rose only cried when she got too emotional. As a last resort.
And that probably spurred her on.
"I push you, not only because I worry about you, but because I believe in you." Rose looked confused and her mum looked down briefly before meeting her eyes again. "I thought I was helping you. I thought—you have so much potential. You're brilliant, and because of that, you can do anything you want, be anyone you want, and I've—" she seemed to stumble on her words. "When you were a little girl, Rose, you wanted to be everything and I nurtured that. I let you try as many things as you wanted. I'm not sure when or why I stopped letting you search for what makes you happy."
Rose tried to speak as she gripped his hand, but the words were caught in her throat. Which was fine because her mother wasn't done and her father kept thumbing her tears away before the fell too far.
"Your dad quit two careers before he found his passion, and after going through Auror training, I shifted my attention to reforming the treatment of magical creatures. I was applying to become the head of the Being Division before I made an abrupt turn to the DMLE and realised my own passion. I can't expect for you to find your passion the same way because life doesn't work like that."
Hermione following the stretch of Rose's other arm to him. She gave him a look he didn't understand, then focused back on her daughter.
Her words came easier.
"No one has all the answers, not even me. I learned growing up with your dad and Harry that there are so many unknowns in the universe; so much change, so many situations and events. I learned that it's those moments that'll send us in so many different directions that it's nearly impossible to know where we're headed or where we'll end up."
Hermione slipped out of her chair, onto her knees in front of Rose, who watched her every move as her cheeks grew redder and redder. Ron rested his head on top of his daughter's; his eyes focused on his wife while he patted her arm in his continued effort to comfort her.
After gently tucking another piece of Rose's stubborn hair behind her ear, her mum said, "We're all still searching, all still learning, all still discovering who we are, where we're meant to wind up, and what we're meant to be. And that's more than okay. It's normal."
Rose was listening to her right then; truly taking in her words.
"Your dad has always said that I'm linear in my thinking, and he's right. I have a constant need to set goals, evaluate results, and report on outcomes. I always see logical shortcuts and solutions to problems before they're realised." She rubbed away her own tears as she struggled yet again to convey her thoughts. "I've always been one step ahead with everything, even with Hugo. But with you, Rose, I've constantly struggled to keep up. I've stumbled. I've made mistakes. I've had moments when I had no clue what I was doing. And I know that I've not always done the right thing that works for you. This bet we made when you started at St. Mungo's? Serial killer and altered memories aside, it wasn't the best idea I've ever had."
And it was such a human confession that it made him respect her even more.
"For years, we've fought about you." Rose blinked in confusion. She hadn't known that. She turned to her dad, who nodded; then looked at her mother. "Your dad has repeatedly told me to stop pushing you, stop worrying about you, and let you be who you are. He told me that you'll be fine; you'll figure it out and find your own way if we leave it up to you. He told me that we'd lose you if I didn't stop. Of course, I never listened." She looked so remorseful. Hermione let her own tears fall as she brushed her thumb over the back of Rose's hand repeatedly. "I've treated you like a problem to be solved, Rose, but you aren't. You're some of me, a lot of your dad, but overall, you're someone entirely different. I shouldn't have projected my wants and desires on you. This is your life."
The tension in Rose's body slowly vanished, but her tears remained open for everyone to see.
"This entire experience has made me realise just how right your dad was." Hermione gave her a watery smile. "That the only way you'll grow is if I stop fighting you into the shape that I want you to be."
There was a dazed look on Rose's face; like she couldn't believe what her mother had said.
Or was continuing to say.
"No matter how difficult you are. No matter how absolutely batty you drive me – because by the gods, you do," she chuckled wetly when Rose sniffed and rolled her eyes. "I love you so much. I want what's best for you, even when I don't agree with the choices you've made. I don't like that you didn't tell us about—"
"I was thinking about you," Rose spoke up quietly. "You're about to be Minister. All of our lives are about to change. It's your dream and I won't mess this up for you. I can't. I took all this on – the research and everything – so you wouldn't have to. I didn't want anyone to see your actions during the investigation as showing favouritism towards me. I was trying to handle the stress of it all myself."
"If you think I care more about being Minister of Magic than I care about you, I've made an egregious error," her mum said with such conviction that Scorpius found himself listening far too intently on words that weren't intended for him – words that Rose needed more than anything. "I don't give a damn about being Minister. I care about you, your dad, and Hugo. I care about our family and friends. Outside of that, everything else is inconsequential. I'd quit if it would guarantee your safety and happiness."
And she meant that.
Rose said nothing for several moments, seeming to struggle with words until she choked out, "I love you, mum." And Hermione looked surprised – not by her words, but the fact that she'd said them aloud. Knowing Rose, she hadn't said those words in a long time. "I don't want you to give up your dream, so don't. Please."
Her next words were unexpectedly honest.
"I've been struggling since I got attacked. Not every day, but sometimes. I think more about it since the Inquiry, but I've been trying to push through," she choked up for a second, squeezing his hand until she caught her breath. "I've never been anxious like this. I want to be alone, but I can't even sleep by myself. I have terrible dreams of the fake memories; of that night and that curse. Jane has been trying to help, but I'm stressed out, mum," Rose confessed, and she looked past her mother for a moment. "I wonder why I'm like this. I've got these bruises that I should have let you heal, but I can't. Why was I so upset after my Inquiry when they didn't even use the Unforgivable? Why am I still upset?"
"Because something happened to you," Hermione told her emphatically. "I'd be more worried if you were fine with everything."
Rose shrugged awkwardly, "Worse things have happened to you and dad and—"
"There's no scale for trauma. No one's trauma weighs more than another's."
"It all hurts," her dad added. "It's all painful."
Nodding in agreement, Hermione told her, "The brain doesn't differentiate between a large or small traumatic event. It just registers the event as a threat you can't control. You being attacked was out of your control, as was your interrogation. Your feelings are valid because they're your feelings."
She nodded slowly, as if she were committing the words to memory. "Jane told me that."
"It's true," her mum gave her a soft look.
Rose inhaled then exhaled, closing her eyes as she sank into her father's embrace enough to find the words. "I'm fighting, trying to work on myself to get back to normal. Or a new normal. I'm not sure." She sniffed and let out a dry, but tense laugh. "I probably need a therapist."
Which was a massive thing for Rose to admit aloud, but she felt safe with them there.
Protected.
It was the only time she ever truly opened up.
"I'll find you the best—" at the glare Ron gave her, Hermione looked sheepish. "I'll let you find your own therapist. Whatever you need, we're here for you. All of us. We'll sort through this together, as a family." And though she wasn't looking at him, Scorpius could tell she had included him in the statement.
"Thank you," Rose said quietly before taking a deep breath. She glanced over at him and Al, who looked far more contemplative than he'd been earlier with Barracus. "Thank you for always being here."
"Love, I don't—" Hermione quickly glanced over at Scorpius and Al before focusing back on Rose. "I don't exactly know what happened before we arrived, but you obviously aren't okay. Take some time to sort through everything and decompress." And she looked hopeful when she suggested, "Breakfast tomorrow? I'll make your favourites."
She sniffed. "With all the sugar?"
Her dad wore a matching hopeful look.
After rolling her eyes, Hermione grinned and nodded, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. "With as much sugar as the recipe recommends."
Rose genuinely smiled for the first time – wet eyes, splotchy cheeks, and all. "It's a deal."
Hermione let go of her hand and got to her feet at the same time as her dad, though the latter grouched about his knees and being too old. Her mother came around and kissed the pensive Al on the forehead and said something to him that made him hug her tight, nodding with his eyes shut. After, she ruffled Scorpius' hair; allowing a look that clearly said take care of my daughter to linger.
He nodded in response.
Abruptly, Rose let go of his hand and stood.
First, she hugged her dad, burying her face in his chest and holding on to him; looking very small in his embrace. She lifted her head to say something to him that was only meant for his ears and Ron nodded, smiling as he bent to touch his forehead against hers as if it were a secret gesture that only the two of them knew the meaning. He glanced over at his wife, who was waiting, and he released Rose, nudging her over towards her mother.
Rose didn't need much prompting, as it turned out.
She wrapped her mum up in a hug that Hermione eagerly and firmly returned. Al had said that they had been getting along better, but hadn't witnessed to the easing of their friction until right then. It was nice. Rose obviously needed her mum.
People never stopped needing their parents, after all.
Al stood up, still looking tense, but seemed a bit better after whatever his aunt had said to him. He quietly picked up all the cups and walked them into the kitchen himself. While he was gone and Rose was wrapped up in her hug with her mother, Ron came around and clapped Scorpius on the shoulder a little too hard for his liking, but he didn't wince.
He did, however, nearly drop dead on the spot when – for his ears only – her dad said: "Rosie said that she can't sleep alone, and that makes me wonder who's bed she's been sleeping in. She won't share a bed unless she's comfortable, which excludes almost everyone, including Al. He snores."
Scorpius swallowed reflexively.
"That's what I thought," Ron concluded with a very fatherly look. Al came out the kitchen right then, saw the look on his uncle's face and crept backwards until he was out of sight again; effectively leaving him to fend for himself. The bastard. "I should say something clichéd right now, but the chances of my daughter hurting you is significantly higher than the reverse. So, with that being said, I'm going to have several drinks tonight and try to forget about all this."
"Umm…"
"Several drinks," her dad repeated before joining the hug with his wife and daughter until Rose grouched about being smothered. "But it's by our love!" Ron countered, which made her laugher ring out in the small space.
Soon after, Hermione repaired Rose's Floo powder container without comment and they left.
Al, who had timed his re-entrance perfectly, picked up Lily's bag off the sofa and Scorpius knew where he was going. Judging from the heated look on his face, he wasn't going to hold back. He quickly hugged Rose, who looked surprised by the initial contact, but didn't complain; holding on to her cousin far longer than usual.
"I'll be back," he told Rose firmly. "Might be a while, but I'm coming back."
"Okay…" she looked mystified.
And then it was just the two of them, standing on either side of her small table. To his surprise, Rose actually approached him, standing close enough in front of him that her socked feet were touching his. She peered up at him, almost wincing, "We probably should talk about what you heard. I—"
"Later." Or at some point when she no longer looked so wrung out. "Go have a shower. I'll sort it all out."
Rose gave him a complex look that melted into something hesitant. But she didn't argue, only nodding and walking towards her bedroom. When he heard running water, Scorpius examined the state of her refrigerator to determine if she had the right ingredients for him to make a dish.
Naturally, she didn't.
By the time he'd narrowed down the viable options from the takeaway menus tacked to the refrigerator, Scorpius heard the Floo and went to identify the visitor. It was Jane, who was bizarrely dressed in a walrus onesie with a hood – that was a walrus head, tusks and all – that almost covered her entire face. She was balancing at least seven takeaway bags from different restaurants on her arms…as her hands were paws.
Her only excuse for her attire was: "I am the walrus."
Scorpius just blinked. "What?"
Jane sighed. "I thought Rose introduced you to The Beatles."
"Is that a film?"
She looked offended, but put one arm of takeaway bags on the coffee table instead of saying anything. "We'll revisit that hole in your pop culture lessons later because I need more time and vinyl records, and plus, Al told me what happened. Well, bits." There was a flash of confusion that crossed her face, but it vanished just as quick. "He wasn't very clear because he was on his way to see Lily." She held up her other arm that was still loaded with bags, flashing a bright smile that made her eyes crinkle at the sides. "I brought food. All of Rose's favourite takeaway places. I even got kebabs!"
"Thanks," Scorpius smiled, still a bit bewildered about her attire. "I was just thinking about takeaway."
"And now you don't have to," she looked around, eyes narrowing as if she'd only just recognised something was amiss. She pushed her hood back, letting it fall off her head completely. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her bangs were kept back with a bright orange headband. "Where's Rose and why is the energy strange?" Then, she looked at him closely. "You look knackered."
He replied to all three of her statements at once. "Rose is having a shower, it's a long story that involves a fight with Lily and conversation with her parents, and…" he exhaled, showing his weariness for the first time. "I am."
"Lily was here?" her smile slipped as she lowered her voice as if trying to speak on a topic that was delicate. "I find it surprising how no one says anything when she's being tactless, like at dinner last night, but it's not my place." Jane didn't let him respond, which was for the best as he found he was a bit speechless. Scorpius had known Jane was perceptive, but hadn't known the depths of her observation. "Lily and Rose don't mix well. She knows exactly what to say – true or not – to hit Rose where it hurts, and she's reckless with her words. She distresses her energy. Rattles her Chi."
"I have no idea what that is."
Jane put down the bags on the kitchen table. "Because you allow logic to guide your emotions," she shrugged, but peered up at him with a sagacious smile. "Although, I can't say that's entirely true lately…"
He had no reaction because her comment was just an observation.
"You both have a rather odd love language – yours more than hers," she sounded humoured, but he only found it ironic that Jane – of all people – had called someone else odd. "Making sure that you're a consistent and steady presence in her life is how you've shown your affection; at least, since I've known you. We value the things we've missed out on in some capacity."
She wasn't wrong.
"It's nice that you've started to vocalise more. Words are powerful and so are actions…" Jane whistled a tune while bobbing her head to it as she checked each bag to be sure the orders were correct. "Rose shows how much she values someone by paying close attention to them, by doing small things for them and negating the meaning behind her actions. She's funny like that."
Scorpius chuckled.
"She lets me drag her along to the places I've always wanted to go, but never would – because I never wanted to go alone. She begged her Nan to let me start a small garden at the Burrow; even though she complained about helping me weed it. I think that's Rose's love language. Grouching along, but doing whatever it takes to make the people she cares about happy." She thought about it for a moment, then smiled fondly. "That, and sharing food."
Jane started un-bagging everything and he helped.
"People think our friendship is very one-sided, but it's not. She's prickly and a bit ridiculous, but I find her hilarious. She knows she's not easy, but I've never met someone as easy to fall into sync with. I've never had so many friends before, so what would I know? People have always found me strange," Jane stated the obvious with a nonchalant shrug. "I've spent a lot of time alone, but I never minded it. Everything is different now, and I'll be the first to confess that I'm glad for the change," she smiled serenely. "I've never once felt left out…and I think you understand that feeling."
Scorpius nodded. Her story sounded similar to his before he met Al and Rose on the Hogwarts Express.
"I know how you feel about her," Jane said in an abrupt topic change. "It's clear to everyone, except Rose, but her emotional range is changing. Opening up bit by bit. It's going to hurt. It's going to be uncomfortable, because character growth isn't an easy process. So, just keep speaking to her in that love language of yours, and she'll decipher the translation. I think she knows, very deep down, but can't sort it out as she's had you in the wrong category for years." Jane said, giving him a bemused look. "You know, the category where she calls you a friend, and you are that, but also so much more."
He wasn't sure how to respond, so he said nothing.
"It doesn't help that Rose is deeply insecure about her role she plays in her own life." Jane's smile faded, and she seemed hurt by her friend's struggles. "She wants to move forward, wants to find her passion, but doesn't know how or which step to take or even the direction she wants to go in. But you already know that. I know her insecurities may seem strange to you because you love her," and she said it so casually that he almost dropped the food he was holding. Jane looked at him – a smirk playing on her lips. "You do, don't you?"
And he voiced it for the first time. "I-I do."
It sounded rather clumsy to his own ears, but Jane looked downright cheery. "It's good that you don't take it so lightly. Good that you sound a bit sick."
Scorpius was highly sceptical. "Is it?"
Jane just nodded while grinning brightly. "Love is a task. It's not meant to be easy, but I think you understand that. You've always been accepting and appreciative of Rose as she is and I'm certain you'll support her going forward as she becomes who she's intended to be."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you've loved her for a long time. You've put a label on it now, but the actions and feelings associated with the word have been there for a long time. Long enough that you know how important it is that you give her the freedom to be on her own journey – whether she's succeeding or struggling to address the challenges in front of her. Like now."
After searching the bags for cutlery, she smiling victoriously when she found what she needed, despite the seriousness of her words. For a second, she looked around wildly before spotting her paw mittens on the sofa and exhaling with relief.
"There they are."
Scorpius found himself strangely lost. It wasn't an uncommon feeling around her.
"I've noticed Rose isn't very kind to herself," Jane said abruptly, no longer smiling. "She takes everything so personally, and buries her feelings so deep that she forgets they're there until someone starts digging and hits her where it hurts." And that was the best way to describe what had happened with Lily. "She knows her own flaws too well, and accepts people's interpretation of her at face value, even when they're wrong about her. We often are our own worst enemy."
And then she focused on him intensely; so much that Scorpius took a step back.
"I can only align her chakras, keep her focused and calm. I can monitor her energy and those around her, but I can't get through to her like you can. Show her as many times as you need to, speak to her in your language, and maybe she'll figure out what she wants. Maybe then she'll understand that you're something that she can want; someone that she's allowed to have because she deserves nice things. Maybe then she'll realise that you're something she can't bugger up."
He thought that she was going to keep talking, as he was absorbing everything she was saying, but Jane only continued whistling her tune.
"Eating at the table is quite dull, unless there's more people."
Which was how they ended up moving her coffee table across the room, lying down blankets in front of the telly, and moving the spread of food from the table to the blankets. Quincy arrived soon after looking as if he'd just returned from a photo shoot with two films in one hand and two bottles of Elf-Wine in the other.
He was nearly out of breath.
"I got your message, Jane. Here are the films and the wine that I stole off the set." He blinked when he actually noticed what Jane was wearing. "Anyone want to tell me what's going on?"
"There's food?" Jane presented the spread on the blankets with a grandiose wave of her hand and a grin. "Delicious food!"
For a moment, he didn't look amused. Then he really looked at the food. "There's pasta and kebabs, stir fry and fried chicken, pork belly and…are those Souvlaki wraps?" Jane nodded with excitement. "And fish and chips? Pot stickers and dumplings? What's the theme of the meal?"
Jane just shrugged. "Rose."
Quincy smirked. "And now this makes sense."
"There are some vegetarian options for Scorpius. The stir fry doesn't have any meat in it. I know Rose wouldn't like it if we forgot about you, so…" she trailed off with a cheery shrug, then she perked up when Rose came around the corner towel-drying her hair in black and blue plaid pyjama pants and a worn grey shirt. "Rose!"
She looked torn between hesitant and hungry enough to eat without question. "What's all this?"
Rose looked at Jane's attire and moved on like it made perfect sense.
"Your support dinner!" Jane announced. "We're going to eat and watch films and sing songs."
"Yeah," Quincy cleared his throat. "I'm not doing that last one."
"Neither am I." Scorpius added.
Jane sighed sadly, but Rose just smiled and it wasn't so tense. "I'll sing one song. Only one."
Which made her brighten instantly.
Pretty soon they were arranged on the blanket – Quincy and Jane on one side, Scorpius and Rose on the other. There was an empty spot next to Jane for Al. But in the meantime, they were eating while Jane played music from the Wireless. After fulfilling her promise, Rose's spirits improved to the point where she was clapping along to Jane's off-key singing and laughing at Quincy's playful complaining.
But she kept glancing at the fireplace. Looking for her cousin.
"He'll be back," Jane said to Rose while changing the station on the Wireless. "He said he would."
True to her word, Al stepped out the fireplace not ten minutes later. He wasn't alone.
Rose made room for James by scooting closer to Scorpius.
Before Al could take his seat, Jane approached him, looking at him with a concerned tilt of her head. He looked very much like himself; even laughing when Quincy made a joke about his day. However, even Rose could see the tension that seemed to reverberate from him, the tired lines around his eyes, and the odd flush of his skin.
Come to think of it, James looked a little odd as well, but he was much better at masking his feelings through humour. And yet, Rose reached over and got her older cousin's attention. "All right?"
James made a face that spoke of his and Al's shared mood. "Don't worry, it'll be fine."
That didn't sound particularly comforting. Or very much like an answer.
Rose cut her eyes from James to Al, preparing say something to him. However, Scorpius stopped her, gesturing to the way Jane had so freely extended her hands to Albus; quietly asking him to take them with that silly walrus hood pushed back enough for him to see her entire face. And he noted the way she was meeting his eyes, open and warm.
Of course, Al took them without much hesitation, allowing her to pull him across the room to dance to the upbeat music coming from the Wireless. His movements were stiff at first, but Jane kept dancing around him, spinning and doing ballet moves while wildly waving her hands. In a walrus onesie. The sight alone made him crack a wide smile.
In no time, Al's body relaxed; his body language changed. His edgy smile turned genuine; then morphed into a grin as his movements got a little smoother. Pretty soon, they were doing a clumsy waltz while laughing at nothing.
Jane's hood had fallen off the first time Al twirled her around.
James and Quincy started passing one of the bottles between the two of them, while making plans to go to another rave in Knockturn Alley later with Matilda and some of his modelling friends to kickstart the weekend. When he asked Rose if it was okay for them to go ahead, she waved them off with a smile and told them to have fun.
James invited her to tag along, but she declined. As did he.
"Are you okay?" Scorpius asked several songs after Quincy and James left for their night out; it was a slower one that had Jane and Al swaying from side to side, holding on to each other as they talked quietly. Al had Jane's walrus paws on and they both looked ridiculously happy.
Rose never answered his question, but he could tell that she was full and content, even though she was still eyeing the last kebab to determine if it could fit. She had been comfortably leaned against him since realising that Al was just fine. Mostly, she was quiet; content with just being present with him. Sometimes she would hum along to the songs that had played, and sometimes she would chuckle at the sight of Jane dancing around dressed like a walrus, but that was it.
All of a sudden, Rose offered her hand. "Come on."
She led him back to her room where they put on their shoes. Rose put on a jacket and Scorpius found one of Al's jumpers he'd left there previously. They left Jane and Al, but told them that they'd be back soon. Hand-in-hand, they walked out of her building; taking their time as they passed people on the darkening street. It was chilly and a bit windy, but not cold enough for a jacket, but only thanks to warming charms they'd cast before leaving her flat.
They ended up at the corner store not too far where Rose bought Maltesers for them to share while they sat on the steps in front of her building, politely greeting her neighbours who entered and exited, but not saying much else. Scorpius had never been one for sweets, but found it was a good choice after such a long day.
One after the other, they ate in silence while people-watching. They were more dependent on the streetlamps when Rose absently offered the last piece of chocolate. After he accepted, she left briefly to throw the empty package in the rubbish bin next to the steps.
When she settled next to him again, the silence stretched on. It was comfortable, easy, and Scorpius found himself relaxing for the first time in hours with no intention to break the peace that they'd found on the steps overlooking a busy street. But like all things, it came to an end – not with a shout, but a small sigh.
From Rose.
"This week has been like falling from the top of the staircase and hitting every step on the way down."
She wasn't looking at him, but at a woman walking a dog almost as large as her.
"I knew I was hurt – that I'd been hurt," and what caught his attention weren't her words or the honesty in them, but the fact that she'd spoken them voluntary. "But I didn't realise the wound had festered until the bandage was ripped off today. I won't say that I enjoyed what happened today, but it probably needed to happen. All of it." Rose paused to sort her thoughts, letting the breeze pass through them. "But as I'm thinking back on everything, something stands out more than anything else…"
The lampposts were on, illuminating the darkening streets and Rose. He looked over at her, noting how tired but beautiful she looked. How impossibly red her hair looked in the artificial light and how the breeze had left it untamed. Her cheeks were flushed, and her brown eyes were strangely direct, focused on him. Probing.
Curious.
"Earlier," she looked down at their hands that were close, but not touching. "After Lily…" she trailed off, face briefly twisting to show how raw she still felt about the entire situation. "Before everyone came through, you were about to say something to me. Do you remember?"
Scorpius hadn't expected the question, but answered nonetheless, "I remember."
"What were you going to say?"
A car stopping at the building across the street caught his attention and he watched as a group of chatty women dressed up for a night out filed out the building and into the car. When the car pulled off, he could almost feel Rose's eyes on him.
She was waiting with a sort of patience she had never been known for having.
And Scorpius felt like he had earlier when he'd knelt in front of her and tried to speak his truth: nervous as hell, but knowing he had to answer her question. In that moment, he thought about Jane's words; about how if he kept speaking, maybe she would interpret his language.
Perhaps the fact that she was asking questions meant that she was already trying to.
So, he took the advice of the strangest witch he'd met since Luna Scamander. It wasn't the most sensible things he'd ever done, but they were far beyond that. The only direction he could move in was forward. He couldn't look back and agonise; couldn't wait and hypothesise about the future implications of his current actions. All he could do was concentrate on the present; on looking her in the eyes and speaking his truth.
"I was going to say that," he reverently touched the tips of her fingers with his own. "To me, you're everything I've ever wanted."
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of JK Rowling. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: How's quarantine treating everyone? Hope everyone is staying safe. Sorry for the delay, but this chapter was a beast and a half to write. It's far longer than usual because there was no way I would be able to split it up. I'd suggest reading it more than once because there's so much going on. But that's life, ya know. I think I've read through it about fifty times to make sure it was all right.
So uh, so much. Scorpius' evolving thoughts on love and the changes in Rose and Scorpius' dynamic; how it's still charged, but the charge is different. Deeper, but also more physical. Rose really doesn't know how to handle the changes and we see her struggle throghout the entire chapter. Which leads to the next thing: confrontation with Lily, which was a long time coming. Unavoidable. Let's remember that Lily is 19 in this fic, and she's a bit immature and aggressive in a way because she's spoiled and used to getting her way. Not to mention, she's been wanting Scorpius for a long time and witnesses her cousin snogging him so she feel justified to come at her the way she did. And Rose really showed a level of patience she hadn't shown thus far; shown some of the changes she's made thus far. Family fight are far dirtier than fighting anyone else because they know exactly how to hurt you. And Lily came there to hurt her.
I almost ended the chapter there with everyone coming through the Floo, but my content beta literally called me and yelled at me, so...that's why this chapter is super long.
I'd always planned the much-needed conversation with Hermione, the true beginning of the repair to their relationship and Rose's journey to heal herself. (Oh, and showing Ron's opinion in all this because through it all, he knows his daughter because she's like him). However, I didn't plan for it to happen after the bomb had been dropped on everything the way it had, but sometimes stories write themselves. Sometimes you have to break someone down all the way in order to piece them back together correctly, and that's what's happening with Rose, who carries her pain so deep she forgets its there until someone digs at her the way Lily knew she could. Also on a lighter note, the exchange with Scorpius and Ron? I was crying laughing. Oh, and as always, I love writing the support she has from her friends. I love Jane. She's such a boss, and so good for Al after his off-screen fight with his sister (that I'll touch on).
Anyway, stay safe everyone.
inadaze22
