Chapter 18: So Maybe I'm Not Ok
"And that's what happened."
A beat of silence.
"Wow"
"Yeah, I know. And that isn't counting what happened in New York with the Avengers. Which is also where the Tesseract showed up again and caused a bunch of problems."
"What happened in New York?"
"...Aliens"
Bucky raised an eyebrow.
"I'm serious! There were supposedly real, honest to god, aliens led by the Norse god Loki!", I laughed at his incredulous expression, "and here I thought I couldn't surprise you.", I couldn't help but tease.
Bucky huffed.
"I wouldn't say that", he rubbed his forehead, pinching his nose between his fingers tiredly.
"So…you are saying that I fought with that man, the one in spandex,-"
"Steve, Bucky, his name is Steve"
"-against Hydra and another super-soldier without a face called Red Skull, that was planning on conquering the world with an energy cube over seventy years ago?"
Coughing slightly, I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly.
"…yes?"
He sighed heavily.
"What else"
My lips flattened into a deadpan look.
"What do you mean? Aliens and Gods not enough for you?
"No, I mean what happened to me after I…", he visibly swallowed before clenching his teeth, " I fell from the train?" his whispered softly.
My eyes widened as my heart skipped a beat.
Cold. I suddenly felt far too cold.
"I-I…"
A glimpse of red-stained snow and the distant sound of boots crunching on ice-filled my mind for something less than half a second before it disappeared. The sound of muttering voices speaking in a different language drifted past my ears as faint as a breeze before that too vanished. A flash of pain dispelled the illusion as I bit my tongue in surprise from the mental onslaught.
I glanced quickly to Bucky in surprise. He was watching my face closely. He didn't see something too did he?
"I'm not sure. I'm sorry.", I asked hesitantly.
'What was that?', my eyes narrowed thoughtfully as I curled my fingers tightly into my shirt, just above my heart. My clammy hands left my jacket to wind into my hair, tugging the oily strands harshly as I chewed on my lip in contemplation.
'I think…I think something is seriously not right with my head. More so then usually I guess.'
I frowned, biting my lip harder in a bid to ignore the shuddering, cold, feeling clawing itself way up my throat.
'But why? Why is this happening now all of a sudden?'
Bucky was silent for a moment as he dissected the girl's features. He stayed as still as a statue as his unnerving gaze assessed her unschooled features, slowly picking apart the microexpressions that flittered across her face as her gaze became distant and lost, her thoughts turned inwards.
"What do you know about my time as the Asset?"
The question was sudden and as gentle as a gunshot that pierced through the blanket of awkward silence. The suddenness of it forced my inward crisis to a shuddering halt as my brain struggled to come up with an acceptable answer.
"Honestly? Not a whole lot. Just a few things.", I answered completely honest for once.
"Like?" he raised an eyebrow.
My eyes traveled along the wall counting the numerous cracks and breaks in the plaster as I debated what to say. Not that there was anything necessarily good to say in this situation.
"Um, well, that you were kept under for a very long time when you first become the Winter Solider because you kept resisting their brainwashing. That you had around a dozen high profile missions, maybe more, but Hydra seldom let you out for too long because you would act out. You also might have been responsible for training other assassins Hydra had…and um" A sudden flash of ruby red across my vision caught my attention.
Oh yeah! You also shot Natasha!", I scowled angrily as I turned to him suddenly, scowling as the unbidden memory of the redhead assassin getting shot through her shoulder played on a loop before my eyes.
"I have shot a lot of people. Be more specific" Bucky grimaced, not enjoying the reminder of his time being brainwashed.
"The redhead that you were fighting on the bridge. The one that fried your arm", I narrowed my gaze into a glare, "Actually, now that I think about it you shot here twice. Once in Odessa and again in DC."
He frowned blankly.
Crossing my arms I matched his frown with a huff of indignation.
"She was my friend", I elaborated hotly at his confused silence.
'I mean she did kick my face in and she was kind of scary and mean before…but I'm pretty sure I grew on her towards the end!' I nodded sagely to myself, 'We are going to be best friends next time I see her.' I paused.
'That, or she might try to kick me in the face again if she thinks I've gone rogue and helped Hydra in any way. Or hell, just that fact that I am tagging along with the same guy who tried to kill her and Steve repeatedly might do it too.'
I wilted slightly under the realization.
'I don't even want to know what Steve and Sam might think about me now. It's too depressing...'
"Huh…", Bucky trailed off awkwardly, as he glanced away, suddenly make a very obvious attempt not to look at my downtrodden expression.
An abrupt recollection quickly had me biting my cheek as curiosity swelled in my chest.
'Weren't Bucky and Natasha a thing at one point? Like romantically? Shouldn't he have started remembering her by now too'
I chanced a glance at the stoic man watching the paint peel on the decaying wall across from me with wide eyes.
'That's personal. Not that this entire thing hasn't been personal but still, how do I even begin to ask something like that!'
My fingers drummed onto my kneecaps as I wondered if my curiosity was worth the potential second-hand embarrassment I was about to receive.
"Hey Bucky, um, so... ah, how do I put this?"
"What?", he questioned as he snapped out of his racing thoughts as he turned to the fidgeting girl. He briefly sparred a thought as too why her face was turning red but ignored it in favor of answering her fumbling question
"The lady I mentioned, her name is Natasha now but I think she used to go by Natalia. Natalia Romanoff. She worked for the KGB too. Does this ring any bells?" I hinged awkwardly as I scratched the back of my neck sheepishly, glancing up briefly.
The blank but curious glint in his eye was telling.
"Oh, ok. Never mind then", my cheeks flushed lightly as it was my turn to look away.
'But I could have sworn…'
I turned my thoughts back to the fight on the bridge and the rest of what I remembered of how the actual movie ended.
'She did kind of knew her way around fighting Bucky when they fought on the street. And from what I remember in the movie she didn't exactly act very surprised when Steve told them about Bucky too. Then again, she was losing a lot of blood and might have been concussed…'
I chanced a glance at Bucky as he continued writing in the small paper notebook I had given him halfway through my reencounter of his past in the Captain America movie.
Figuring it was a good idea to give it to him when I had been in the grocery check outline, I had explained the idea of writing down his thoughts and memories in a journal if he ever became overwhelmed with too much information suddenly and no way of keeping on hand. He didn't protest when I had presented the notebook to him and took it without a word.
My thoughts returned to the past as I thought about Natasha and Steve.
'Something to ask later I guess. You know if we ever meet again and they don't kick my butt out a window…'
I moped as I looked out at the darkened window. The night sky was covered with thick clouds, with a sliver moon peaking out teasingly from the thick storm clouds. A distant rumble of thunder echoed somewhere. The stars were missing.
'That's a shame. I always liked the stars'
Another kind of rumbling next to me caught my attention.
"I'm sorry, what was that?", I muttered sheepishly as I turned back to Bucky, flushing in embarrassment when I realized I had been so caught up in my head I had been ignoring him.
He was standing now as he leaned against the wall next to me. His blue eyes gleamed silently in the descending darkness as he watched me with a healthy mixture of curiosity and wariness.
"What happens next?"
All the color drained from my face as those dreaded words hit me with all the force of a speeding train.
"I can't talk about that", my mouth moved before my brain could think, immediately shooting down the question and not even sparing a thought in pretending to not understand the meaning behind those stupid words. Not that it would have done any good, to begin with.
Bucky raised his brows for a second before narrowing his gaze suspiciously.
"Why", he was quick to press as straightened off the wall and shifted closer. I jerked my chin away from him, biting my tongue in frustration as my temper quickly boiled.
'Here we go again with the mystic fortune teller crap'
"It isn't something you need to worry about right now", I countered stubbornly. He sent me an equally stubborn look as he stalked silently closer.
"Yes, it is. You told me back in the museum were to go. You told me to come to Brooklyn first and then Romania. Why? What happens there", he demanded.
Gone was the neutral yet semi-thoughtful expression he wore earlier when I recounted the Captain America movie to him, instead it was replaced by a familiar frosty glare and dangerous look in his cold eyes to match as he moved into interrogation mode.
My lips tugged downwards in annoyance at my own self stupidity and dramatics.
'Damn, I did, didn't I?'
"Nothing" I bit out. His blank mask broke as he scowled openly before coming to stand over me. His dark shadow swept over me for a moment before he crouched down closer to be eye level with me.
"I think you do", he replied evenly, despite the stormy expression he wore. Clenching my teeth I met his knowing gaze with a determined glare going against every fiber of my being that warned me from making eye contact with a ferocious animal.
"So what? I can't talk about it anyway, so let it go" I snapped, curling further into my makeshift bed. He narrowed his eyes dangerously, patience beginning to wear thin.
"Why?", he repeated, his tone much more menacing than before as he leaned closer, nearly trapping the girl against the wall and himself. She needed to answer him this time and there was no getting away like before.
My non-existent hackles only raised further as I refused to cower and answer him, let him win as he wanted. I chewed my cheek, remembering a similar conversation with another super soldier not too long ago.
"Because the future isn't set in stone but if I cause even one ripple in that pond of possibilities that the future can hold then I run the risk of the world turning to dust", I shortened my general explanation exhaustedly.
The silence that filled the run-down apartment was deafening. I didn't want to look at his confused and disgusted expression, instead opting to stare despondently at a small crack in the corner of the ceiling where a spider was slowly spinning a web.
'I shouldn't care. I don't care. But why me?'
My chest felt tight and my heart felt as it was going to burst from my chest as I groaned miserably and I held my face in my hands, the crushing weight of everything I dreaded slowly crashing onto my shoulders once more.
The pain in my chest was real.
The ache of my still sore arm and ribs were real.
My mess of a mind was real.
The people here, all around me, are real. Their lives are real. Their hopes and thoughts and dreams are real.
And if I can't just shut up and keep my mouth shut then they might really die.
'WhymewhymeymewhymewhymewhymewhYmeWHymeWHYME-'
"Look, I'm sorry, I should have told you before but-", I laughed unsteadily as I turned from gripping the dark, frayed, locks of my hair to clawing at my eyes, "I told you before that I can't tell you everything and this is why. I don't want to risk setting even one thing out of place. I don't want my stupid decisions, and believe me I make a lot of them, to be the reason that people suffer. That people die! Not again!", I ranted frantically.
My hands began shaking as tears welled in my eyes for the millionth time since I fell down this damn rabbit hole.
'Oh my god, I can't do this! And I'm crying again? What am I twelve?'
A faint image of a red pickup truck skidding across an uneven icy road assaulted the darkness behind my eyes. I couldn't move as I watched it slip and slid closer and closer to me along the dark street. Blasts of frigid ice froze in my lungs as the wind whistled past my ears, nearly drowning out the screeching of tires skidding along the asphalt and muffled screaming too far away to be any use. I was in the middle of the road all alone until all a sudden...I wasn't.
A jolt went through me as strong hands grabbed my wrists firmly, shattering the illusion.
My teeth were clenched so hard together it was a miracle they didn't crack as the spell was broken and I preceded to shove those trampled thoughts, memories, so far down my mind until my head pounded like a war drum and the pain behind my eyes was almost too much to think through.
'Not here. Not now. You're fine.', I chanted inside my mind as I struggled to get my breathing to normal again.
I couldn't help but flinch as my hands were slowly pulled from away my face and Bucky stared right at me.
"Hey"
Heat rose to my face again as I averted my wet eyes anywhere but him, slowly letting my breath even out and the pressure behind my eyeballs lessen.
'Good job acting like a total basket case Andy. You go, you absolute nut job', I couldn't help but scowl inwardly to myself.
"Look at me.", he commanded patiently, "What did you mean by 'again'?"
I refused, shaking my head as embarrassment and shame burned there way through my shivering guts as I continued having a staring contest with the ceiling for a few moments.
The ceiling won as my sore eyes gave out and I closed them for a brief second of rest.
Bucky sighed heavily.
"Is this why you wanted to die?"
My neck cracked loudly as my eyes pooped open like some bizarre owl. I turned to stare at him in bafflement and horror.
"What?", I whispered in numb confusion as my thoughts began jumbling together into a canopy of noise.
'When did I…?'
"Back in the lab. Back with Hydra. Before I went on the mission with the Helicarrier. I heard you.", he mumbled faintly as he glanced away for a split second his eyes becoming unfocused before settling back onto me with an intensity that left me feeling even smaller than before.
"I-I can't remember that part. All I remember is you leaving." I mumbled faintly as his words washed over me in a mighty wave of emotion.
"Well, I remember", he growled fiercely, "I remember hearing you screaming, begging, crying for help and apologizing to people. Then, you started begging for them to kill you because you..." here he paused, glancing up into my eyes with such an odd mixture of confusion, and was that concern what did I say to-, "you said you deserved it."
I jerked back as if I had been slapped. My breath froze in my chest.
'What…'
"You asked me why I saved you from that vault, why I went back to that place…", he spat, his entire face igniting with such a raw fury I had never seen before, that I immediately felt such an overwhelming amount of fear nearly freeze my heart solid.
"I went back", he continued roughly, "because I knew how that felt. How that fucking chair felt, even without remembering getting in or out of it. I knew before I knew anything else that you didn't deserve to be put in that thing. To have what happened to me happen to someone else. I couldn't walk away from that", he seethed, his voice thunderous and his eyes vicious.
This new expression was, without a doubt, one of the most fearsome expressions I had ever seen on him or anyone else.
Period.
But as sudden as it had come, his furious expression receded, like snow melting in the spring sun. Only to be replaced by shame.
"But I did and you didn't deserve it. None of it. And I…", he glanced at his metal hand holding my wrist with a sudden glare of disgust, "and I am the one that handed you to them in the first place. You were part of my mission", he admitted hatefully, refusing to meet my eyes as he looked at the empty space us.
"I am sorry doll"
I couldn't help the sharp gasp that tore out of my throat at his apology. My heart began hurting with how hard it hammered against my ribs.
' Oh, Bucky...'
My jaw worked furiously, my mouth moved soundlessly, as I struggled to get something to come out of my throat, anything, anything at all. Something, anything, to help the broken, weary, assassin-solider-no man, that sat in his own world of pain before me.
Nothing would come out.
'How was I supposed to help him when I couldn't ever in my stupid life help myself?'
I swallowed, once, twice, three times.
"James Barnes", I whispered shakily, clenching my jaw as I struggled to keep my voice steady.
'Damn it, Andy! Get over yourself! You can't fix what you did but there is someone right here, right now, you can help! So ignore your stupid, pity, drama and just breathe!'
My lungs filled with air as I settled finally my nerves.
I tried again, this time the banishing the tremor in my voice.
"James Buchanan Barnes"
Bucky glanced up in surprise at his full name. Dull, worn eyes looked on at the man.
"Whatever happens to me, will happen. And what happened in the godforsaken cell was no one's fault but mine and my stupid mouth. You didn't really happen to have anything to do with it."
Bucky frowned incredulously.
I sighed heavily at the look before gently grabbing his metal hand and gently pulling him to sit beside me. He complied, leaning against the wall as he bent his legs, resting an arm on one as he listened intently.
"Hydra knew about me because they saw me with Steve and Nat, way before I ever met you. My capture and what happened in that place was entirely my fault. I promise you. Besides, if I had just listened and kept to myself and had never agreed to help Steve and Nat out like I was supposed to I wouldn't be in this mess. Hell, even if I could have just kept my big mouth shut in front of that Zola creep for one stupid second then I would have been fine and none of this would have happened."
Bucky arched an eyebrow in faint surprise.
"What happened with Zola?"
A sudden shiver crept down my spine at my memory of the mad scientist.
"Nothing", I frowned harshly switching tactics as I eyed him curiously at his reaction to the name, "Why the interest? What do you know about Zola?"
He glared warningly at my attempt to deflect the question but miraculously decided to let it slid for now as he glanced thoughtfully to his knees.
"…The name feels familiar", he muttered absently after a tense moment.
"Yeah, I bet", I sneered as a bout of white-hot rage leaped like fire in my chest when I remembered the scientist, "I honestly would be surprised if it wasn't. He-", I glowered as I jerked my head towards his prosthetic arm, "-gave you that"
I would soon come to regret those words the instant they came out of my mouth.
…
Bucky's POV
"I'd honestly be surprised if it wasn't. He gave you that.", the girl sneered as she nodded towards his metal arm.
Bucky froze as a memory crept over him, his entire frame stiffening as he glanced away and his eyes became misty.
Suddenly, a leering, unwanted, face and small beady eyes glaring with undisguised malice and delight.
'Sargent Barnes... can you hear me?'
He felt his breath cut short as he felt the metal straps dig into his arms and legs, pinning him helplessly to the operating table.
'It can not be stopped now…the operation has already begun'
Waves upon waves of agony ripped across his body as layers of flesh and muscle were torn, ripped, and cut away from his left arm. He cried out in agony.
'…put him on ice'
A high voice swiftly cut threw the whirling sound of the saws.
"Bucky!"
He jerked. His senses flooded him again as his mind snapped back to the present. Without hesitation he lunged out at the presence next to him, backhanding them with such a force that they flew into the other side of the room. A loud thud echoed as the cheap wooden floor vibrated from the impact of the unknown assailant crashing in a crumpled heap on the ground.
Bucky panted heavily on his hands and knees as his mind swarm with disjointed sensations and memories. Clenching his metal hand he swiftly fought to reclaim his bearings before standing.
He frowned in confusion as a low moan of pain reached his ears through the fog still lingering from the corners of his mind. A quick glance towards the sound put everything into perspective, of what had happened in that swift moment he had lost himself to his disjointed mind, and filled him with horror.
"Shit!" he cursed loudly as he sprinted to the immobile form laying in the corner. Bucky swore some more, in a blurred mixture of Russian and English, as he scooped up the battered girl.
Andy coughed wetly as she cupped her bloodied face in her hands. She hacked uncomfortably as she struggled to move in such a way that wouldn't send blood pouring down her throat.
She wheezed painfully as she squinted through tears at him.
"Nice shot Buckshot…"
He almost choked in relief.
She was alive. She was alive and that was all that mattered to him at the moment.
Bucky held Andy tightly as he stormed to the bathroom before gently settling her by the still filth-ridden shower that Andy had tried her damn best to clean a few days prior.
Unfortunately, those efforts had been for naught as thick, red, blood splattered the yellowing porcelain and dribbled down the drain as Andy spat any remaining blood out of her mouth while pressing her hand tightly to her nose, steaming the bleeding.
Bucky watched, feeling a little more than helpless, as he held her over the drain and pulled her long brown locks back.
His mind whirled as Andy finally managed to stem the bleeding and grab a spare towel hanging loosely off the shower rim. She pressed the white fabric to her face as she eyed the dirty shower again.
"Damn it. I worked hard for that", she grumbled lightly as she leaned back in his hold. She glazed sleepily up at him.
"Can you help me up, please? I'm feeling kind of woozy"
Without a second of hesitation, Andy felt Bucky grab her legs and stand, carrying her over to the mess of blankets by the window.
She whined when he placed her on the scratchy blankets and cupped her face, waiting until she opened her pain-filled eyes and looked at him.
"Wait here", he replied lowly as he let go of her and disappeared into the kitchen. After a brief moment, he returned with a small first aid kit. Without any warning, he bent down on one knee and pressed the stinging alcohol to a deep gash across her nose.
Andy hissed in discomfort, squinting through her tears to look at him again. The intense, closed-off, look on his face bothered greatly. She cleared her throat.
"Bucky"
He ignored her as his fingers worked quickly, fishing out some more disinfect and dabbing it across another, thankfully, shallower cut on her temple. Probably from hitting a loose splinter in the wall.
"Bucky"
His eyes remained fixed on her face yet still somehow not meet her gaze as he focused on one more scratch by her cheek.
"Bucky, damn it, my eyes are up here!"
Finally, and with great reluctance, Bucky looked up. He held her gaze for a moment before dropping it again as he continued.
"I hurt you", his replied stonily with troubled eyes.
He heard Andy sigh tiredly next to him.
"You didn't hit me that hard Bucky. Really, I mean I still have all my teeth don't I?" she winced at the frosty look he shot her, "Ok, bad joke aside, I know you didn't mean it. It was an accident. So come on, please, don't beat yourself up for it."
He didn't say anything as he continued to stew in his self-hatred. Andy tried to reach for his hand but he pulled away. Abruptly he stood, snapping the medical kit as he stalked off. Andy struggled to leap to her feet as he headed for the door.
"Hey, Bucky!", she yelled as she dashed after him. She quickly grabbed his shirt before he could beat a hasty retreat. He spun on her so fast Andy briefly wondered if he had teleported before he grasped her shoulders and dragged her backward until she hit the wall. Andy sucked in a quick gasp but refused to flinch as he leaned dangerously close to her.
"Did you not learn your lesson the first time? I am dangerous for you to be around right now and I just proved it", he barked, his voice dark and shimmering with rage.
"So you are going to just leave?! Just like that? Bucky, come on!"
He squeezed her shoulders.
"I. Hurt. You.", he repeated, "The next time I get out of control it might not be a broken nose it might be a broken neck", he hissed lowly.
"Get out of control? Jesus Bucky you are not an animal", Andy snapped, her patience wearing thin with every throb of her nose. She groaned.
"Bucky…just, please, don't run. Just sit down and talk to me. Please." She pleaded, gazing at him tiredly. It was a long tense moment as he watched her silently, expression unchanging. His grip slowly loosened until his hands slid off her shoulders completely and fell at his sides.
He took a step back. Andy watched as he hung his head his eyes darkening with emotion.
She licked her lips, wincing at the salt, coopery, taste of tears and blood.
"Come on…", she urged, softer this time, as she came closer to him extending a hand, waiting patiently.
Bucky eyed the tiny blood flecks on her palm stonily.
His jaw clenched.
"I'm sorry", he repeated.
Andy rolled her eyes. Was that the only thing he could say at this point?
"And I told you, I am fine. It's just a cut and a bruise. Nothing I can't handle", she lied calmly, "and it isn't like I haven't been punched in the face by an assassin before…" she grumbled scolding under her breath.
Unfortunately, Bucky's enhanced senses hadn't missed that bit of crucial tidbit information. Though his mind was too scrambled to contemplate it for too long when the girl grew even closer, drawing his attention.
"Jeez, come on, I thought we were past exchanging one-word sentences and had skipped to endlessly apologizing to each other" The disappointed frown being aimed at her way only cowed her slightly.
"Ok. Ok. Geez, tough crowd. I'm sorry", she grunted as she walked back inside and sat down at the kitchen table, towel in hand as she gingerly presses it against her face, wincing at the scratchy sensation prickling her sore and sensitive nose.
Bucky remained stony and silent as he slowly sat in the chair across from her, observing his latest handwork through narrowed eyes.
His mind churned.
This girl was proving to be more of an enigma than he originally anticipated. She refused to use her abilities but was too stubborn to hold her tongue. And while she was helping him recover more and more memories with each passing day she was, at the same time, proving to become a growing danger as well, both to him and herself. The danger in the sense, that the more the remembered, the more he lashed out.
It was something he discovered the first few days he spent holed up in this crumbling safe house with the girl.
He had let himself believe he was managing his nightmares enough until on the fifth night after he had found them the safehouse when his body finally lost the battle against the need for sleep. Bucky couldn't remember what the dream was about, only that it was vivid beyond description and that when he came to from the waking nightmare he had found himself standing over the girl as she slept with a knife in hand, poised and ready to reenact whatever grisly assassination he had committed in his dreams.
After that, he had begun stalking the streets at night, refusing to rest anywhere near the apartment. Though it seemed his efforts were wasted in the end.
If he could have the same feverish nightmares, no that's not right, memories, during the day when he was fully conscious and awake then how was he supposed to prevent himself from lashing out around the girl?
Bucky watched Andy press a cold compactor to her face, struggling to suppress her whines of pain all the while, so as not to upset him anymore. He clenched his hands tightly by his sides.
He may be able to protect her from Hydra but who can protect her from him?
His mouth tightened into a deep scowl.
'What the hell am I going to do?'
A small hand slid over his own breaking him from his morbid thoughts. He kept his gaze firmly glued to the tabletop refusing to look any longer his mistake.
Andy huffed stubbornly, sensing the thoughts swirling behind the man's apathetic mask, before swallowing her nerves and sliding her fingers further up until she reached his face. He allowed the soft fingers on his chin to move his face until his dark eyes met hers.
"Hey", Andy frowned, gaze softening as she caught his empty gaze, "Don't do that Bucky. Don't shut me out. Not after what we just talked about. I know I've been saying it a lot lately but I am sorry. I should have never mentioned any of that, it pushed you way too hard way too fast.", she apologized.
Bucky blinked before shaking his head.
"No…it was a part of my memories. My life. I needed to remember it", he denied, even though his haunted expression painted a different picture.
Andy bit her lip guilty.
"But you practically had a panic attack on the floor. That can't be good for you."
"It can't be good to be backhanded across the room for you either" Andy struggled to contain her snort, feeling the sting in her swelling nose.
"Oh? You have jokes now?", she grinned crookedly at his deadpan expression. Bucky didn't reply, though the tenseness in his shoulders lifted slightly.
He looked at this strange girl, really looked at her.
Shallow cheekbones and deep bags had already made the small girl look sickly and frail, but now coupled with the ugly splotches of darkening bruises and drying droplets of blood smeared under a red-dyed towel, she looked like the living dead brought back to life.
But he knew better now, she was anything but weak
For fuck's sake, he broke her face and she smiled at him for it.
'Either she is completely insane or the most foolhardy person I have ever met.'
Under the weak exterior, there was someone that believed in what they were doing with every inch of their being. An unstoppable sort of blind faith that forced this girl to continue getting back up and fighting against the odds, even after being battered and attacked by countless forces, him included.
Firey blue eyes and a heart of a lion.
Something stirred in the foggy corner of his mind again.
And that is what made him uneasy.
The Asset, now turned Bucky, couldn't help but visualize another person sitting at that table with him in another place out of time.
His head began to throb.
Andy must have noticed something was wrong because the strained smile fell off her face as she frowned in concern.
"Bucky? Hey, are you ok?"
He swallowed as the scene before him shifted.
'Bucky? Hey, jerk are you ok?', a long-forgotten but startlingly familiar voice rang out from deep within the blurred recesses of his mind.
He groaned, slamming his eyes shut, trying in vain to dispel his double vision of the two people sitting across the table from him.
After a long moment of silence and a few deep breathes later, he hesitantly opened his eyes.
Now, only one pair of warm, blue, eyes watched him worriedly.
"Bucky?" Andy trailed off hesitantly, watching his blank stare grow more unfocused.
Bucky slowly felt his face twitch, and to his surprise, felt the corners of his mouth tugging up.
"Yeah…punk. I'm fine", he whispered faintly, the words falling easily from his lips like he has spoken them a dozen times before. He started quietly at the girl across from him as the haze around him grew unclear, with different shadows and voices overlapping each other as he moved from one piece of unfinished memory to the next.
Andy sucked in a sharp breath, quickly realizing what was happening.
"Bucky…", she trailed off once more, slowly reaching across the table to take his hand. The fingers of his metal appendage felt cold against her flustered skin. His fingers tightened around her grasp as he continued staring unseeingly at her.
Andy waited patiently in the silence as he lost himself in the haze of his mind. The minutes ticked by as his gaze grew less and less cloudy, until, finally, he ripped his hand away with a short grunt.
Bucky blinked rapidly in confusion, briefly wondering what had jerked him awake so suddenly from the loud cacophony of endless voices in his head until he heard it.
There was no mistaking that soft clicking sound. Not to him of all people.
His eyes widened.
"Move!", he bellowed before snatching the unsuspecting girl and throwing violently them both to the ground.
Just in time for a hail of gunfire to rip through walls and shower them in a sea of bullets.
Whoops. My hand slipped.
Hi guys and gals. Sorry for the late update but here is the next chapter! I tried to focus a little on developing the relationship between Andy and Bucky while getting Bucky to kind of open up a bit...kind of. But yeah, bit dramatic this chapter.
Anyhoo, I really wanted to thank all of you for such strong feedback for this story. It's amazing how awesome all of you are with your kind words. I also greatly appreciated the constructive criticism I've been getting. If you have anything you would like to say or even just to let me know about what you thought I would love to see your thoughts in the review box! If not, you can always respond to my PM box as I love responding to you guys one on one! It really makes my day!
On another note, both for the old and new readers I hope you guys continue holding out with me during this tough time we've been having with this COVID-19 virus. I hope all of you remain happy and healthy and I wish you the best of luck.
Until next time!
-Mara Gin
