So, my college canceled all face-to-face classes and we're doing online for the rest of the semester. This means I'll have a lot more time to update! I can't believe all of this is happening. It's so crazy. I guess now that most people are quarantined, we all have plenty of time to read and write fanfic! I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!
If there are any errors, I'm sorry! I tried to look over this one but I know I miss stuff all the time.
P.S. Does anyone have any good fic suggestions? I'm on spring break now and this quarantine is going on and I want some stuff to read. If you have any suggestions at all feel free to leave it in the comments or private message me. Love you guys!
15
Everywhere
The chill in the air tickled my nose, reminding me that autumn was closing in on us. When the seasons shifted in Evergreen, the trees transformed into something out of a dream. There was nothing I loved more than sitting outside during this time with a well-loved novel in hand as I appreciated everything Colorado had to offer. As of right now, the trees had only just begun their transformation. Already, they gave me a glimpse of how magnificent they would become. With the beautiful scenery surrounding them, my two handsome guys looked almost otherworldly. If it weren't for the bite of the cold air, I would believe I was dreaming. Edward and Charlie … this place … it all seems so surreal. How have I become so lucky? Edward turned to smile at me just as I was about to snap a photo.
"Hey, none of that. I should be taking pictures of you," he said, coming toward me while he bounced a very engrossed Charlie in his arms.
"Why's that?"
"Because you're the pretty one. I'm not exactly easy on the eyes."
I smiled at this, biting down on my bottom lip as I stifled a laugh. If only this man knew how attractive I found him. Thank God, he doesn't, Isabella. He doesn't need to know about how often you masturbate. He may have been rough looking in the eyes of many—definitely not "traditionally" handsome—but to me, he was God's gift to women. "God's gift to women"? He's turning you into such a sap. My smile widened before I finally appeased him by bringing my phone down to my side.
"I think you're pretty fine to look at," I flirted, surprising myself.
Every time I had flirted with Edward, it had felt like another woman was doing the talking for me. The words had fallen from my lips before I had given them much thought. The amorous comments and coquettish smiles hadn't sounded like me.
"If anyone's the looker here, it's you." He smiled before his gaze dropped to his nephew. "Or Charlie, of course."
I giggled, looking down at Charlie as he peered around the pumpkin patch, his eyes wide with curiosity. To him, everything was new. Being here to watch him as he experienced this for the first time was humbling. Watching him take in the changes to the world around him caused me to feel as if I was experiencing everything for the first time, too. With little Charlie around, everything was fresh and new.
"This was a good idea, Daddy," I commented, feeling Edward stiffen, shocked as he walked slightly ahead.
My eyes were trained on Charlie as I followed his uncle to the caramel apple stand stationed a few yards away from the patch itself.
"I used to love coming here as a kid. So, it's only right that I brought Charlie here."
Edward glanced down at his nephew, eyes filled with warmth, before he stepped forward to order two of the best-looking caramel apples the stand had to offer. Despite my love for the tasty treat, my eyes were glued to the man before me. There was something so sexy about him ordering for the both of us. I supposed I just enjoyed seeing him take charge; it was almost as if he were claiming me. He could claim me right now. My face flushed as my eyes dropped to the baby in his arms. Thank God, he doesn't know the impure thoughts I constantly have about his uncle. My cheeks were still tinged pink by the time Edward turned around with two apples balanced between the fingers of his left hand.
"These look amazing," I quickly spat out, cringing at the awkward tone of my voice.
"I was obsessed with these as a kid."
He smiled, biting into one before giving his nephew a caramel-covered smile. He licked the mess away, earning a laugh from our little guy.
"The first thing my dad did when we got here was buy a caramel apple for each of us," he continued.
Despite the grin tugging at his lips, there was a distance in his eyes. Understanding, I didn't want to press him. I had never understood why some people were so insistent on bringing up undesirable or uncomfortable topics. I loathed when a person did that to me—always answering their unwanted inquires with a tight, fake smile combined with a crease of discomfort in my brow. Edward relaxed after a few moments passed without a word from me. Even though he wasn't sharing much, I was happy he was willing to share a small glimpse of his life with his family.
Charlie babbled something incoherent as he reached out for the caramel apple with his chubby, little hand—fingers outstretched as he attempted to grab a handful of caramel to shove into his mouth. Edward managed to shove his hand away last minute before he brought Charlie's fist up for a quick, apologetic kiss.
"Sorry, little guy. If I gave you a treat like this, you'd be awake for weeks." With a sheepish grin, he shifted his attention to me and said, "He barely sleeps as it is. Could you imagine feeding him sugar?"
"Definitely not."
While Charlie could be tiring at times, I had come to love his exuberance. And I knew Edward had, too.
"Sometimes, I'll doze off with him on my chest and wake up to find him wide awake, his face mere inches away from mine, staring at me like I'm the most interesting thing in the fucking world."
I snorted. It was so easy to imagine the scenario since Charlie constantly looked up to his uncle. While, I doubted Edward noticed sometimes, Charlie attempted to imitate him. He would mirror faces his uncle made before he sat back and awaited attention and approval. It had to be the most adorable thing I had ever seen. Even now, Charlie moved his mouth as if he were also eating before he peered up at his uncle to see if he was paying attention.
"I think he just wants to be like you," I commented before finally biting into my apple.
Edward scoffed, nearly choking on his last bite. He shook his head, swallowed his bite of apple, and said, "If he wants to be like me, I'm in for a lot of trouble. That's the last thing I want."
"Why? You're pretty great, Edward." After a few moments without a response, I continued. "You did plan this whole day, after all."
This, he grinned at. After taking another bite of his apple, he led me into the patch, bouncing a very excited Charlie in the crook of his right arm along the way. The patch had as many pumpkins as it did children, which quickly became overwhelming for our little guy. As we moved along, Charlie's body worked its way into a fetal position against the crook of Edward's arm. Throwing the remains of his apple away, Edward brought his nephew up to rest against his chest, allowing him to burrow his head into the curve of his neck.
"Do you think all the noise is too much for him?"
"Probably," Edward agreed, bending down to give the top of his nephew's head a quick, comforting kiss. "He's not too great with too many people at once. When there's more than a few people around, he recoils into himself. But I guess I was the same way. I was one shy fucking kid." Edward cringed, giving me a stiff smile before he added, "I need to stop cursing around him. I don't know what I'll do if his first word is 'fuck.' "
"Yeah, that wouldn't be too good, would it?"
He chuckled at this before he turned on his heel and led us to a less populated area of the pumpkin patch. Despite being September, I was chilled to the bone. I supposed I had grown far too used to the summer. While I was never the outdoorsy type, I would open all the windows in my apartment every day so I could breathe in the fresh air while I read. I always loved the way the summer heat felt against my skin; I even enjoyed when I would sweat slightly from the high temperature—it was purifying in a way. This end of summer weather caused me to already dream of next June.
While we traversed forward, Edward shot me glance after glance, appraising me until I felt weak in the knees. Just as I was about to question him, he moved to stand in front of me. A boyish smile lit up his features, toying with my mind for a moment, effectively disorientating me as he bent down and placed a quick kiss on the cold tip of my nose. I startled as I tried to find the words. After a moment, I gave him a shocked smile, unable to manage anything else. I staggered, but Edward continued forward. I quickly pulled myself together and fell in step beside him.
Will it always be like this when he kisses me? When he touches me? Lord, I need to sit down before I fall down.
"Maybe we can head over there and have our picnic?" I suggested, pointing to the first unoccupied spot I saw. Truly, I didn't know how much longer I would be able to walk by his side, playing it perfectly cool—pretending like I wasn't profoundly affected by him. Does he think I'm a jumbled mess? I feel like a jumbled mess.
"Yeah, Charlie definitely needs a break from all the excitement," he agreed, following behind me as I started to walk off toward a group of tables far removed from everything else.
Still reeling from the innocent kiss, my heart fluttered against my breastbone as I made my way across the grass to the table. I nearly fell onto the bench, feeling my cheeks heat up as I kicked myself for being so embarrassingly uncoordinated. Edward didn't seem to notice my mishap as he took a seat across from mine and placed Charlie safely in his lap. With a smile, he slid his worn backpack from his shoulders and unzipped it.
Straightening in his seat, he took out the backpack's contents while his grin widened. Edward pulled out two giant sub sandwiches and chips, along with a small portion of hard-boiled eggs and white bread, which, I assumed was for Charlie. Charlie peered at the sandwiches in wonder, smiling until he realized that meal was not for him. As soon as he saw the hard-boiled eggs and white bread, he grimaced, gazing up at his uncle with a look of disapproval. A look that was hilarious as it came from a baby. Edward groaned, obviously sensing his nephew's impending tantrum.
"Come on, buddy. You love this stuff. You eat it at home all the time. Do me a favor and suck it up for today," Edward pleaded, helping his nephew take a few tiny bites of his meal before he reached forward to grab his own sandwich.
Charlie's eyes were glued to his uncle's movements. As he watched, his eyes filled with frustrated tears while his uncle took a huge bite of his meal. I giggled, feeling almost guilty as I ate mine. As I watched the pair, I couldn't believe Edward had put so much thought into today. With a full-time job and an infant to care for, I couldn't believe he found the time for something like this.
My focus returned to the duo as Edward helped Charlie take another bite of his meal, grimacing as the baby grew increasingly fussy in his arms.
"Come on, buddy. I woke up early just to make all this food, and this is the thanks I get?"
Charlie peered up at him, giving him a long, thoughtful look before he calmed down ever so slightly.
"Thanks, buddy," Edward uttered, sounding tired.
"Thanks for doing this, Edward," I spoke up, wanting him to really feel my gratitude. I knew this couldn't have been easy for him. "I can't believe you woke up so early to make me lunch."
He smiled at this, looking content with himself. He should have been. He never gave himself enough credit and he had so much to be proud of.
"So," he began, peering down at the sub in his hand. "I thought tonight we could carve pumpkins and watch a scary movie?"
A smile tugged at my lips. Similar to me, Edward seemed to enjoy beginning the fall festivities early, which reminded me very much of my mother. Before summer had even finished, Mom had been keen on putting out all of our fall decorations, much to my father's dismay. She had loved that time of year—the warm colors, crisp air, festive activities, as well as buckets upon buckets of candy. Even now, years later, I could still see her smiling face in my mind's eye—easily envisioning the look on her face as she had held me in her arms, shielding me from the "monsters" that had scared me during our favorite Halloween hayride.
"Bella, Bella, it's okay. See, they're just here to celebrate with us. They won't harm you."
"Promise?" I asked as my face remained smashed against her jean jacket, shielding me from the night around us.
"I promise. I would never let anything happen to you."
I said nothing, still afraid.
"Do you know why?" she asked.
"Why?"
"Because you're my daughter, and it's my job to protect you."
I smiled, pulling away to look around the dark forest, apprehensively waiting for the next monster to appear.
Charlie's giggles brought me back to the matter at hand, and I refocused on Edward's ideas for the evening. The effort he had put into today astounded me. I had never met a man who came close to the one sitting across from me now.
With a giggle, I replied to his suggestion. "Where did you get all these cute ideas from? You don't strike me as the type of guy who carves pumpkins in his free time."
His eyes darted away as his body stiffened. Instantly, I regretted laughing.
With his shoulders stiff, he stuffily responded, "My brother and I used to do stuff like this when we were kids."
My eyes bulged, and I instantly felt obtuse for not being more considerate. He had mentioned Seth earlier—I should have known this was something he had done with him. The fact that he was here today spoke volumes on how far he had come. I knew how difficult it had been for me to go anywhere that reminded me of my mother after she had passed. Luckily, time moved forward, and I began to find going to places where I thought of her the most, comforting. When I was in a location that reminded me of her, I felt as if she were with me, standing by my side like she always did. While it was almost eerie, the comfort it provided me with had gotten me through many hard times.
"I'm sorry, Edward," I managed to mutter as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's a great idea; I was just teasing you about it."
He smiled at me, his eyes warm. My shoulders relaxed as relief overwhelmed me.
"It's fine," he said with a wave of his hand. "I just thought it'd be something you'd like to do. And, I thought Charlie would get a kick out of finger painting."
Although his smile was reassuring, something in his tone suggested there was more than he was telling me. He's thinking about his brother. Seeing a man like Edward—strong, muscular, and covered in ink—shattered, tore me to pieces.
"I'd love to do it, Edward. Thanks for thinking of me," I said quietly, wanting desperately to assuage his pain.
I wished I could help carry some of the weight. I wished my words provided him with some solace.
"I know things are hard without your brother. I was a mess during the holidays after my mother passed away. I was filled with so much hate and anger …" I paused as the memories washed over me, taking my breath away.
"Don't talk to me like that—like I don't know! Stop looking at me like a child!"
"You are a child, Isabella. You know nothing!"
As soon as the words left Dad's lips, his eyes widened, and he covered his mouth.
"I'm sorry," he said, bowing his head. "It's just—"
"Save it." Stepping forward, I accused, "How could you? She hasn't even been gone a year!"
"I'm allowed to be happy, Isabella. Your mother would want—"
"Well, I don't want it! Don't my feelings matter, too? Or is it all about you?"
"Isabella," he warned as his eyes sharpened.
"Whatever. I don't want to look at you."
"I'm your father. You will—" He stopped and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.
A few heartbeats passed without a word from him. He stood, calculating, as he stared at the floor.
"Isabella," he tried again, "why don't we start doing more things together? Like the old days. You used to love—"
"This isn't like the old days," I interrupted. "Those days are gone. You said so yourself. Besides, it's time to move on. Time to let go of the past."
"Isabella," he said, pleading as I turned away.
"Besides, I don't want to do anything with you."
Taking a deep breath, I centered my focus before I continued. "I know you don't always think you're strong, but you're handling this so much better than I did."
"Don't you see that I can't stand you? The more you try to get close to me, the further I want to be. Can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted, surprising myself and my father.
"Bella," my sister began, stepping forward.
"Alice, how can you stand him? Are you serious? He doesn't care about us."
"Stop it, Isabella," Dad snapped.
Although he hid his emotions well, I still saw the hurt in his eyes. To him, I would always be his little girl. The girl who wanted nothing more than her daddy's attention. He didn't realize that girl was gone now.
"No, you can't be serious? She wants to move in here? I hate her! You know I hate her!"
"That's enough. She's a good woman, Isabella. She likes you and Alice so much."
"I don't care. I don't give a shit."
"Don't speak that way to me," he snapped back, growing angry.
"I'll speak to you however I—"
"Stop it, Isabella!" Alice cried, tears filling her eyes. "Stop it! This isn't you."
"Fuck both of you," I muttered as I turned to leave.
"Stay in your room. Stay in your room and think about how you're treating the people who love you. I know things are hard. Baby, I know how devastating everything is."
My head whipped around. "Really? Have you cried at all since it happened? You just bounced back," I accused.
"Have I cried?" A mirthless laugh escaped him as he shook his head. His face tightened, and his brows knitted together in frustration as he stepped forward. "My wife died. The woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with is gone. The mother of my children is gone. I may not cry in front of you or your sister, but my nights are pretty lonely. I have plenty of time to be alone with my feelings then."
For the first time, I believed him. The pain in his eyes was impossible to misunderstand. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't find the words. It may have been my pride that prevented me from speaking, or it may have been the fear I would fall apart if I uttered a single phrase. Mutely, I nodded and turned for my room. Perhaps I could go easier on him. He lost her, too.
"You were a child though," Edward commented, attempting to take away my pain as he reached across the table to take my hand in his.
I gazed at our hands, our fingers intertwined upon the picnic table, and felt myself open up to him. He had put so much trust in me, and hopefully, one day, I would be able to tell him about every ugly, damaged piece of myself—revealing every inch of my darkness.
With my eyes on our clasped hands, I softly replied, "It's hard to deal with death—no matter what age you are."
I squeezed his hand, feeling my palm tingle against the warmth of his. For a moment, we sat in a comfortable silence until the spell that had been cast over us seemingly broke. Giving my hand a final squeeze, Edward rewarded me with a warm smile before he let go in order to feed his nephew.
Thankfully, our conversation shifted to something far lighter: what we were looking forward to the most once October hit. It would be Charlie's first Halloween, and then the seasons would shift again for Charlie's first Thanksgiving and first Christmas. All without his mom and dad. Thank God for Edward. I didn't want to begin to imagine where Charlie would have been without his uncle. I pushed the idea aside and continued to maintain our light conversation. Edward didn't contribute much, but I understood he had a lot on his mind—I had never met a man as introspective as he was.
"You should see Cyndy during the fall. My sister lets her have all this candy until she's running wild."
Edward laughed; his attention remained captured on his restless nephew. Charlie kicked in his lap, obviously bored with sitting at a table for so long. Acting like a seasoned daddy, Edward unzipped his backpack and pulled out a blanket, seamlessly moving the picnic to the ground before Charlie had the chance to throw a tantrum.
Now that we were situated on the ground, I watched in fascination as Charlie crawled across the blanket toward his uncle. With determination coloring his little face, he grabbed onto the sleeve of his uncle's jacket and tried to pull himself off of the ground.
"Is he going to stand?"
Edward grinned as his eyes glowed with pride, gazing down at his nephew. "I hope so. He stands all the time, but I'm the only one around to see him do it."
Shy little guy. With an excited smile, I watched Charlie as he put all of his focus into lifting his tiny bottom off of the ground. His brows knitted together in concentration, and his little, pink tongue jutted out of his mouth as he began to yank himself up. His cheeks grew red from the labors of his work, but his hard work quickly paid off. For a few seconds, his bottom was off of the ground and his face relaxed into a smile before he dropped back to the blanket with a light thud. Unphased, he was quick to try again with his uncle's encouragement. With his eyes on Edward, he found the strength to pull himself to his feet.
"Oh my, gosh! Charlie!" I cried out, applauding the adorable, little guy as he stood before me. Not wanting to miss this special moment, I pulled out my cell and snapped a quick photo, earning a giggle from Charlie in the process. His giggles sent him back to the ground; he fell softly on his bottom.
He was dazed for a moment before his bottom lip began to quiver—his eyes searching for his uncle. His gaze fell on Edward, and his arms reached out, yearning for the comfort of his embrace. With a proud smile, Edward took ahold of him and placed him on his lap. Charlie giggled, staring up at his uncle as if he were his superhero.
"Aw, Edward. He loves you so much."
Crawling across the blanket, I closed the distance between us.
Looking down at his nephew in wonder, Edward shook his head and responded. "Charlie's so easy to love. Everyone who meets him can't help but love him."
His eyes grew almost cloudy as he stared off into space, deep in thought. Whatever he was contemplating caused his face to flush slightly. He seemed to shake the thought from his head before he smiled. I watched him, just as thoughtful. When he was like this, he was almost child-like. His grin was young—carefree. What I wouldn't give to know what's on your mind right now. Are you thinking of me? Is that flush on your stubbled cheeks for me? Or, is this just wishful thinking?
"You're right. It's easy. I'm sure you had something to do with that," I said, flirting slightly.
Edward's brows creased with confusion before recognition colored his features, and he smirked and shook his head. "Naw, no way. If anything, my brother and sister-in-law had something to do with it. I doubt I'm a good influence on him."
"You're more than good."
"I'm all he's got."
"Even if you weren't, you'd be everything."
Edward smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I doubted he believed my words, despite their truth.
While we continued our day, venturing through the pumpkin patch, Edward went somewhere in his mind. He was beside me, yet, he was miles away. His strong jawline was so tense the veins in his neck were prominent. His eyes, darker than usual, gazed off into the distance as if they were seeing something that wasn't there. I watched him—along with Charlie, who peered up at his uncle curiously while beginning to grow fussy in his arms. When Edward's eyes became misty, my silent question was answered.
He was thinking about his brother—I was sure of it. Why wouldn't he be? They had created so many memories here; his attitude now was only natural. I wish this logic made me feel better. Suddenly, something pulled him back to the present. His brows creased, and his eyes blinked rapidly as if he was attempting to expel a thought.
"Where'd you go?" I asked gently.
With a wistful smile, he answered, "I was just thinking about how I used to come here as a kid."
"That's the one you want, sweetie?"
"A course! This da one," I answered, pointing at my misshapen pumpkin proudly.
"Okay, whatever my little girl wants," Mommy replied as she pulled me onto her lap.
"No tickles, Mommy! No tickles!"
Her fingers attacked me, and I laughed. I shooed her hands away and laughed more. My tummy hurt, but I had fun.
"Mommy, no!" I laughed harder. "No tickles! No tickles!"
"Okay, I guess I can comply," she said and laughed, too. "How about picking this one to go home and paint, pretty girl?"
"Yep!"
"Should we go find your sister?"
"Yep!"
"Yep," she imitated, laughing. "Come on, sweet girl. Let's go find Daddy and Alice."
I nodded, wishing I had the right words to say. What could I say to alleviate the pain of losing persons he loved so deeply? Words couldn't bring his brother back. My eyes left Edward as they searched for some inspiration from the scenery surrounding us. I smiled, knowing exactly what I could do to take his mind off of the past, bringing it back to the present.
"Do you want me to take a few photos of you and Charlie? You know, so you can remember his first trip to the pumpkin patch?"
Edward gave me a sheepish grin. He always hated being photographed. How could a man like him hate being photographed? God, I would fill my phone with pictures of him if he let me. He made a face but relented as I pulled out my phone and ushered him to a mountain of pumpkins situated near the front of the patch, surrounded by piles of hay. Perfect place for the perfect photo.
Charlie fell into a fit of giggles as Edward took a knee in front of the pumpkins and looked at my camera. I giggled, too, as I began to snap a few photos, captivated by the love displayed before me. As I took photo after photo in rapid succession, I wondered if Edward had any idea how his nephew looked at him. Charlie's wide, curious eyes peered up at Edward as if he were his world. I suppose Edward is. He's his sun, moon, and stars—his everything.
As Edward began to waver, trying to control the rumbustious baby, I brought my phone down and tapped to view the pictures. They're perfect. Absolutely, positively perfect.
"These are adorable, Edward. You should see the way he looks at you," I mused, unable to help myself.
Quickly, I closed the distance between us and knelt to show him what I had captured. Edward's eyes widened, taking in the images silently as I swiped through the photos on my phone. Charlie squealed as he viewed the images of himself, nearly cackling at the sight of each one, quite the contrast to his cerebral uncle.
In each photo, they both resembled a picture-perfect family. Through their smiles, one could easily see the love between them—the love which surrounded them. Turning to peer at Edward, I found him regarding the pictures with misty eyes and a goofy smile. The expression was almost strange on such a darkly handsome man, which made it all the more appealing. It was as if he were a lion who was only tame around us—an animal who always bit, stopping to lick our hands. God, he's so beautiful. So beautiful … and so mine.
He turned to me, and without thinking, I pressed my lips against his. The feeling of his soft lips was intoxicating; the feel of them drew me in deeper until I wondered where my mind was. My tongue darted out, teasing him, thrilling him, until he allowed me entrance, opening his mouth slightly for my tongue to slip inside. A moan escaped my lips while my nipples puckered. I wanted his mouth to trail over every inch of my body. My skin flushed as I felt my body come to life. This is how it feels to be living. This is what I missed out on for so many years.
Looking back on the monsters of my past, I hated them even more. They had marred my college years and had tainted my future—tainted my spirit. Until I had found myself again; until I had found a way to crawl out of the grave they had dug for me.
Another moan escaped me before I pulled away—embarrassment washing over me as I realized I nearly mauled Edward in public.
"What was that for?" Edward asked as his eyes burned with excitement.
"I don't know," I answered, trying to catch my breath. "You're just so cute with him."
You're so loving—it makes me want you even more, I thought, far too nervous to mutter the words.
He smiled, seemingly satisfied with my answer. Handing Charlie to me, Edward reached for his phone and said, "I want a few photos of you two."
For some reason, hearing this made me blissful. As he began to take pictures of Charlie and me, I couldn't help but feel like a little family. I felt that Charlie and Edward were really mine. Something I want now, more than anything. A few short months ago, I had felt alone. Now, I had everything. Charlie smiled up at me, content in my arms. For a moment, I couldn't look away, captivated by the blissfulness in his wide, innocent eyes. I only peered away as Edward called out to us, continuing to snap a few shots.
As Edward snapped the last photo, I bent down and gave Charlie a quick kiss on the cheek, pausing for a moment to make sure Edward had a chance to snap the perfect photo. When Edward finished, I stood with Charlie in my arms and eagerly closed the distance between us.
"How do they look?" I asked. "I never look good in pictures."
He playfully rolled his eyes at my comment, pulling the pictures up on his phone as he replied. "What are you talking about, Bella? You look just as fantastic as you do in real life."
I felt my face flush. How could he possibly believe I was more beautiful than everyone else? Is that part of love? My cheeks colored further at the thought.
"Come on, you know you're gorgeous," he continued, giving me a dubious look.
Not knowing what to say—what could I say to something like that? I knew a man like Edward could do better than me if he wanted to—I playfully shoved his shoulder and deflected. "Well, I definitely don't look as cute as Charlie."
His eyes regarded me for a moment before a smile tugged on his lips. Apparently, I amused him. Taking a step closer, he bent down, giving me a quick peck on the cheek before he stood to his full height, which towered over my five-foot, three-inch frame.
"Come on," he said, taking my free hand and leading me toward another small apple stand located toward the back of the patch.
Charlie babbled in my arms as we traversed across the field, obviously growing used to the noise coming from the plethora of children surrounding us. It was nice to see him come out of his shell a bit; he had spent the majority of our little trip with his face buried against Edward's neck. Now, his eyes wildly scanned the sight before him, taking everything in with a gummy grin. His incoherent babbles grew louder as we reached the stand, causing Edward to release my hand so I could grip his nephew with both hands, keeping the wild baby in check.
I listened to Charlie's babbles, fascinated by his attempts at speech. I wondered if I had the opportunity to hear his little speech phonetically, if I would laugh at what he was attempting to communicate. Judging by the look on his face, he found himself very funny. He babbled as he watched his uncle pay for some treats and threw his head back to laugh at whatever he had said. I laughed, too, as I reached to adjust his hat before it consequently flew off. Edward continued to shoot his nephew amused looks as he slid his wallet back into his back pocket and grabbed our treats and warm ciders.
"So, you grew up coming here?" I inquired as I followed him to a nearby hay bale.
He took a seat, waiting for me to do the same. I situated Charlie comfortably on my lap before Edward handed me my portion of the treat. His eyes peered off into space, gazing at nothing in particular as he took a long sip of cider, cringing as the hot drink slid down his throat.
With his eyes trained ahead and a memory seemingly taking over his mind, Edward replied, "Yeah, I used to love coming here. Closer to Halloween, they'd have these awesome hayrides, and I'd sit in my dad's lap while Seth would sit in my mother's. We'd get so scared at the littlest things. I would bury my face in my dad's shirt and just stay like that until the ride was over. Seth loved it though. He'd always get a kick out of anything scary when he was a kid. The only thing he hated was how my mother would make him pose for all these pictures. He hated getting in front of the camera. Even when he was really popular in high school, he never liked getting his picture taken."
Immediately, he stopped talking; his eyes were puzzled as they dropped to the ground. I gazed at him, wishing I could read his mind. With his shoulders hunched forward and his body tensed, it seemed like he was erecting a wall around himself. Or maybe he's trying to tear the walls down? As his silence sunk in, the noises surrounding us became even more apparent.
While I sat in silence, I realized this was the first time he had talked about Seth so freely. Until now, Seth had been an abstract in my mind. All I knew about him was his current status: deceased. I knew nothing about what he had been like alive.
For a moment, Edward had blossomed before me—seeming not as broken. The light in his eyes while he had spoken of his brother had been enthralling; in these moments, he emitted a warmth that touched everyone around him. I felt it; Charlie felt it. Hell, I was certain the entire world would feel it, too, if he opened himself up to everyone. But with Edward—and with many like him—it was one step forward, two steps back.
When Edward would reveal a part of himself, it felt like there was a length of time following when he would recoil further. He's rather like me in that way, I suppose. I longed to pry him open. I wanted to see the darkness he held so well. I wanted him to tear into me, too. One day, perhaps we can bleed together; bleed until the only thing between us is the truth. If he thinks his darkness is bad, what will he think of mine?
Wanting him to relax again—wanting to see that carefree smile—I nudged my shoulder against his, effectively taking him out of his daze before I asked, "So, your mom never made you take any pictures?"
"No, not really."
The grateful look on his face made me smirk.
"I was usually off doing something with my dad," he expanded.
"Well, hopefully there's some photos of you. I'd love to see what little Edward looked like," I teased.
He smiled slightly at my tone and adjusted his posture before he answered me.
"I looked like my brother, Seth. Just a little rougher around the edges, I suppose. He was clean cut and straight edge, and I was the complete opposite. But, everyone said we had the same eyes and smile. Seth looked a lot like my mom though, whereas I look nothing like her at all. My aunt used to tease me about being adopted." He laughed, shaking his head at the obvious absurdity of the thought.
"I'm sure you were very handsome."
He rolled his eyes—forever awkward when I complimented him—but the smile tugging on his lips indicated that he enjoyed my assessment.
Dropping my eyes to the babbling bundle in my arms, I added, "Just like Charlie."
Now, Edward really smiled—contentment illuminating his face.
After a day beneath the Colorado sun with an exhausting, but extremely cute, little boy, we forwent Edward's previous plan of carving pumpkins to celebrate the upcoming holiday early and, instead, decided on a relaxing night in at my place.
"My place" sounded strange to me. Since meeting Edward, I felt as if our two apartments were combined. We were constantly together; I was at his place some nights, and he was at mine others. Truly, it was as if we lived together, the only separation being where we slept at night. While we had slept in the same bed before, it hadn't become a regular occurrence. Yet.
When I was with Edward, my body and mind seemed to forget about its previous spatial issues and everything else that had triggered certain anxieties. In fact, being close to him—feeling his strong, inked arms wrapped around my body—made me feel safe. In his embrace, I felt like nothing could ever harm me. I wondered if Charlie felt similarly.As I considered the look on Charlie's face as he laid snuggly in his uncle's arms, I knew he did.
Resting my head on Edward's shoulder, I stared down at our little guy. He was completely uninterested in the movie playing. Apparently, Aladdin wasn't too exciting for this baby. Despite his obvious weariness, he tried to stay awake to spend time with us. Charlie's eyelids began to flutter as he began to doze off. Just as sleep was prepared to engulf him, he forced his eyes open to peer up at me.
I heard Edward chuckle beside me before I felt his lips pressed firmly against my hair for a quick peck.
"It's okay if you have to go to sleep, little guy. We'll all be here when you wake up."
Charlie's eyes darted to his uncle, staring up at his lips as if he were trying to decipher what was being said.
"Come on, buddy. You know you want to," he continued.
Charlie babbled something, his voice laced with exhaustion. His eyes darted to meet mine before they moved back to his uncle. Apparently, our silence wasn't a sufficient answer, so, he babbled again. His words were incoherent, reminding me of Alice whenever she was intoxicated: babbling and incoherent, but cute. The memory of her made me grin, and as I compared her and Charlie's speech patterns side-by-side in my mind, a laugh escaped me.
"What's so funny?"
I flushed, feeling almost embarrassed for comparing his baby nephew to my drunken sister. Not that he ever has to know, thank God.
"Nothing," I quickly replied. "I was just thinking about my sister, Alice."
"What about her?"
I giggled again before wariness caused my body to stiffen. "It's really dumb, Edward. Not worth sharing."
What a hypocrite I was—constantly worried about honesty between us while not wanting to share the smallest thing. Edward gave me a strange look. Although, I didn't want to see it, he appeared disappointed. Should I tell him? Would it really matter? Perhaps he'll find it funny.
"Okay, well, I guess you don't have to tell me then."
With a tight expression, he slid his arm down, removing it from around my shoulder before he reached for Charlie, adjusting him to rest comfortably against his chest. He didn't say anything. Instead, he stared at the television as he rocked Charlie gently against him.
"Edward," I stared, feeling worried all of a sudden. "It was really nothing. Just something stupid I thought of."
"If it was nothing, why can't you share it? I might find it funny, too."
Looking at his crestfallen face, I slumped against him, wishing I knew how to appropriately act around him. Just say it, Isabella. If anything, this can be a learning experience. Test the boundaries and find where you stand.
I took a deep breath, and while keeping a thoughtful eye on his expression, I told him. "I was just thinking that Charlie reminds of my sister when she's drunk. You know because of the way he babbles."
I nearly cringed at the awkward tone in my voice.
Edward's brows knitted together for a moment, which caused me to hold my breath, before a small smile tugged at his lips.
"You're right. I think that all the time. He's just like a little drunk: eating garbage, staggering around, babbling incoherently, and shitting himself."
Edward chuckled at this and dipped his head down to press a kiss against his nephew's forehead, earning himself a giant, sleepy grin from Charlie.
"Why didn't you … " he trailed off before shaking his head. "Thanks, Bella, but I'm not that fragile. You can mention that stuff around me. I'm not going to fall to pieces."
"I'm sorry. I just—"
"Don't apologize." Reaching down with his free hand, he took my right hand in his grasp. "Thanks for caring so much. Other people in my life don't. Being with you … it's like a breath of fresh air. You're good for me, Bella. Don't ever think differently."
