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~~~ Self Quarantine Day 20 ~~~

Homeschooling my kids sucks!

Sorry I've been slow with updates lately. It's tough being home with two autistic kids who are now being home schooled thanks to COVID-19. I've been busy the last week, sewing face masks for friends who are nurses, and I'm now getting requests for masks from complete strangers in other states. Things are getting bad, and it's starting to get really scary, and everyone suddenly wants a mask. Good times!

I hope this update finds everybody healthy and happy. We are currently safe from COVID-19. We are currently self quarantined in our home, except for my husband who is a manager at an "essential business", so he's gone a lot. Everything is pretty much shut down here other than grocery stores, and fast food.

I hope you are all doing well, and continue to remain healthy and happy.


"Alright Finn, spill it. What is going on with you and Rosemary?" Logan asked once they were alone.

"What do you mean what is going on? Nothing is going on mate."

"Finn, come on. I've known you for most of my life. You don't do commitment. So spill it."

"There's nothing to tell. Things just are the way they are. The lovely Rosemary and I are good friends."

"Yeah, I'll believe that when pigs fly. You're about as great at being friends as Rory and I are. I'm not trying to break you up or anything, I just want to know what's going on. I've been gone for the last 6 months. I'm trying to catch up on everything that I've missed. So enlighten me, or I'll go get my information elsewhere."

"I don't know what it is that you are looking for here."

"Finn . . . Come on. It's just us. You and I have always been close. Just because I don't live here anymore doesn't mean that we aren't friends anymore. I'm still your best friend."

"Then tell me, what is going on with you and Mother."

"Oh, it's going to be like that?" Logan asked with a chuckle. "Ok, that's cool. We can start with me. Rory and I are good. We're really good. We are working things out."

"Which means what?"

"We are committed to each other. We are going to figure out how to be together even though we can't physically be together. We are both leaving tomorrow, but she'll be going home in a couple weeks for Thanksgiving, and then again for Christmas. As long as I'm able to take the time off, and go back home too, I'll get to see her."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And you are just going to see each other on holidays?"

"For now. Rory will be in California for work during the state primaries, so I'll do everything that I can to see her as much as I can while she's there, and if I can work my schedule out, I'll go see her in other cities as much as I can. We are going to figure out how to make the long distance thing work."

"But you love her, and you want to be with her."

"Yeah, of course! I would do anything for her. I would marry her right now if she would let me."

"But that's not what she wants."

"Rory isn't ready to get married right now. She has a lot going on, and if I want to be with her, then I have to accept that. I love Rory more than anything, and if having her in my life means that I have to wait for her to be ready to be with me again, then that is what I have to do."

"So let me ask you something . . . If it's that easy of a decision, then why did you even break up?"

"Because I was stupid. Because I was hurt. Because I thought that we were on the same page, and I didn't stop to think about how she felt. Because we have issues communicating that we need to figure out."

"Explain?"

"Rory and I talked, and she made a really valid point. Back in April when things were really good between us, Rory was applying for jobs for after graduation, and I was staying with her and applying for jobs myself after bailing on my dad. Things were going really well for us, and one night Rory was trying to decide if she wanted to accept a job offer she had received in Rhode Island, but was trying to figure out how to accept that job and keep me in her life at the same time."

"She got a job offer in Rhode Island?"

"Yeah. She obviously didn't take it though. She wanted the job at the New York Times that she had applied for, and taking the job in Providence would have taken the times off the table. Rory was trying to figure out how to choose between the two, and figure out where I fit in, and I told her to not worry about me and where I fit in. I told her to figure out what was best for her, and that I would figure out how to fit us into my plans. But then I stupidly came up with the plan to marry her. Instead of me considering how to fit my plans in with hers, it all became about me and what I wanted. I got the job offer out in California, I found a house that would be perfect for us, and I found newspapers that she could apply to. I made everything about me, and I expected Rory to jump to follow me. I didn't even stop to think about what she wanted, or about how she felt. I just bought a ring, and I asked her to marry me at her graduation party, in a room full of her grandparents' friends. I didn't tell her about my job offer or anything. I wanted to wait until after I proposed and she said yes before dropping all of that on her, and it never even occurred to me how completely unfair I was being. And when Rory said no, I was upset. My world immediately shattered, and my way of fixing things was to give her an ultimatum, which of course she didn't like. I wasn't interested in talking about anything, or figuring out how to make our relationship work. I just wanted everything to go my way, and it completely backfired, so I took off."

"And it took you all this time to realize what a dope you are."

"Not exactly. I know what an idiot I am. But it took me a while to get up the courage to admit it to Rory and to apologize. There were so many times that I wanted to call her, tell her that I'm sorry, and beg her to take me back. But every time I started to do it, I chickened out because it was easier for me to sulk in my own misery, than to admit to Rory that I screwed up again, and to figure out how to convince her to give me another chance."

"But you got her back again."

"I did." Logan smiled. "She loves me. God knows I don't deserve it, but she still loves me."

"You don't deserve it at all. Mother is much too good for you."

"I know that. Just like Rosemary is too good for you. But you're still together."

"I guess."

"What do you mean you guess? You are together, aren't you?"

"Maybe?"

"What does that mean?" Logan asked.

"I don't know what we are."

"Have you talked about it?"

"I don't talk. You know that."

"Well you need to start then."

"Yeah right. The only female I've ever had any type of actual conversation with, is yours."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not the bloke you talk to. I'm not the guy that fixes things. No one cares what I think. The only person who has ever cared what I had to say, was Mother. I used to talk to her all the time before your stupid ass broke up with her."

"I didn't realize how close you guys were."

"That's because no one talks to the bumbling clown. I'm the third stooge. You heard what Mother said at lunch yesterday. I'm the one who finds trouble and makes it look like it was all Collin's fault, and then somehow turns it around, making you the ring leader."

"But that's not really how things are at all." Logan told him.

"No, it's not." Finn agreed.

"But we've done such a great job, always letting you take the blame."

"You have."

"You should have said something Finn."

"Why? No one cares what the clown has to say. I'm just the dope that bumbles around you blokes."

"Finn . . . You're one of my best friends, and I owe you an apology. I'm sorry. It never occurred to me how you felt about everything."

"It's fine."

"No Finn, it's not. You are one of my closest friends, and you've always been there for me regardless of whether or not I deserved your loyalty, and most of the time, I didn't. I'm sorry that I've treated you like crap at times. I'm an idiot and I'm just starting to realize just how badly I've been screwing everything up. You aren't the clown that finds trouble. That clown is actually me. I'm the moron that goes looking for trouble, and I always drag you and Collin into it, and let you take the blame for everything because You never get in trouble the way Collin and I do."

"My parents were the ones smart enough to know that it wasn't my fault when you did stupid shit."

"Pretty much!" Logan laughed. "And by us letting you take the fall for stuff, it kept us from getting into more trouble than we already were."

"You speak the truth."

"Maybe it's time we change things."

"Maybe it's time YOU change things."

"I'm working on it."

"You need to make things right with Mother. And you need to stop finding trouble to blame me for."

"I'm sorry Finn. I do need to grow up. I'm learning that."

"I quit drinking."

"You did?!" Logan asked in a shocked voice.

"It's been a few months."

"Finn, that's HUGE!"

"I woke up next to Rosemary one day, and I didn't remember how I got there. But she doesn't deserve that. Rosemary doesn't deserve me showing up at her house drunk in the middle of the night, and climbing into her bed because I'm lonely and want someone to sit with me. She deserves someone who is there because they want to be. Someone who wants to make her happy."

"Finn, you've always gone out of your way to make Rosemary happy."

"But I never did it for her. I did it because it was what I thought I was supposed to do. I treated her the same way I treated Mother and Stephanie. But that day, I woke up curled up with her . . ."

"And it was the best feeling in the world." Logan said softly.

"Yeah . . ."

"You're in love with her . . . Waking up with that woman in your arms, feeling so safe and content, it's addicting. You can't remember a time in your life when you wanted anything else, or when anything else mattered."

"You've been there."

"Why do you think I keep going back?"

"So what do you suggest I do then?"

"So you guys aren't actually committed or anything then?"

"No."

"Well, in that case, you need to talk. You need to tell Rosemary how you feel, and tell her that you want to make a commitment to her. Ask her to actually date you, and to be with you."

"I have a key to her house."

"They gave you a key? Does Collin have one?"

"No. I showed up drunk at 3am too many times, and Stephanie got sick of me waking up the neighborhood, so they gave me a key."

"So you're basically in a relationship without actually being in one."

"Is that what you call it?"

"You need to talk to Rosemary, and tell her how you feel. How often have you been sleeping there?"

"Almost every night for the past few months. Since I quit drinking."

"So talk to her then. Tell Rosemary exactly how you feel. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way."

"How do you know?"

"Because if she didn't, you wouldn't have a key, and she would have kicked your ass to the curb a long time ago."

"I guess."

"I can't believe you quit drinking."

"It's just not my thing anymore. I'm sick of hiding behind it."

"I don't know why you used it to hide in the first place."

"Because no one likes the weird goofy guy."

"That's not true."

"Really? Because I got picked on a lot in school."

"Those guys were jerks!"

"You and Collin were my only friends, and you got sent to boarding school."

"It's too bad you got sent to St. Andrews instead of Chilton. You and Rory probably would have been good friends."

"I would have told her to stay away from you."

"Probably would have been the smart thing to do." Logan laughed as they approached the door to the 7/11 down the street from the hotel. "Are you and Rosemary hungry?"

"I could use a snack. Rosemary may be hungry. She hasn't said anything."

"We'll get a bunch of snacks. Whatever we don't eat, Rory and I will either eat later, or I'll send it on the bus with her tomorrow."

"Do you think you'll work things out this time?"

"I hope so. I bought her a ring today."

"You didn't?!"

"It's just a promise ring. Rory isn't ready to get married, and says that a long engagement isn't a good idea for us because of our families."

"Aren't promise rings more of a promise to God thing?"

"I don't know, maybe?"

"I thought they were a celibacy promise thing with God."

"Well that was broken a long time ago!" Logan laughed. "This is more of a self-serving type of thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Rory and I can't be together for the next year, and she's not ready to get married, but I love her, and I don't want anyone else even looking at her . . ."

"'If you like it, put a ring on it'."

"Pretty much."

"You didn't say that though."

"No, never! I told her that I love her, and that I wanted her to have something that tells her that I love her, and that I'm committed to her even when I can't physically be there myself. And that when she's ready, I want her to tell me, and I will make her my wife."

"And she was ok with all of that?"

"She had tears in her eyes." Logan said as he grabbed a bunch of Rory's favorite snacks, then headed for the cash register.

"See, I've never been into the whole feelings thing."

"Well, if you want to be in a relationship with Rosemary, you're going to have to start."

"I'm not good at all that stuff. I'm just the goofy sidekick."

"Just be yourself. Rosemary already loves you for who you are. You shouldn't have to change yourself to be with someone."

"You did."

"Yes and no. I'm still the same asshole Logan that I've always been." Logan said as they left 7/11, and headed back to the hotel. "Rory just brings out the mushy side of me. I've never been like that around anyone else. I'm still asshole Logan when you Collin and Robert are around. I'm just a little less of an asshole when it comes to Rory. Or I'm at least not an asshole to her."

"I've never been an asshole to Rosemary."

"Unfortunately, I have been an asshole to Rory in the past, and she definitely didn't deserve it."

"You've been an asshole to a lot of people."

"I'm realizing that. I'm sorry Finn, I'll try to be a better friend to you."

"Why didn't you tell me you were staying at the Marriott? Or that you needed a hotel? I could have taken care of it for you."

"I actually didn't book it. My secretary did."

"Next time, have her call me. Or just shoot me a text and I'll take care of all your travel."

"Next time I travel, will probably be to see Rory."

"Do you need a room for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Comping my friends' rooms is the one big perk that comes with my family owning Marriott International."

"I can stay with my parents."

"Do you really want to?"

"Not a chance!"

"I'll get you a room in Hartford."

"Depending how things are going with Rory, I might be able to stay with her."

"My parents will be in Australia. You can stay at their place. I don't know where I'll be. Maybe with Rosemary. Maybe I'll stay at the parents place, or maybe I'll just stay here in the city."

"Finn, you aren't going to spend the holidays alone. If you aren't going to be with Rosemary, then you will be going wherever I go."

"You'll be with Rory. I'll be fine. I'll figure something out."

"We'll figure it out together Finn. You should talk to Rosemary this week. I'm sure everything will work out. It's obvious that she cares about you, just by the way she looks at you."

"She looked to be pretty impressed with you earlier." Finn joked as they walked back into Logan's hotel, and headed for the elevators.

"Yeah, well, when you're bored with no girlfriend, and all of your friends live on the opposite side of the country, the gym becomes your favorite place. I've pushed myself pretty hard some days."

"It pays off Bro."

"The look on Rory's face last night said it all." Logan laughed

"I bet she was impressed."

"The words 'Holy Shit!' came out of her mouth."

"Mother doesn't talk like that." Finn chuckled.

"I know. That's part of what made it so funny. Apparently I've bulked up a lot in the last 6 months."

"As long as she's happy, right?"

"Exactly! You've heard the phrase 'happy wife, happy life'. If my girl is happy, then everything is right with the world.

"I don't think I'll ever look like you, no matter how much I hit the gym."

"You never know. Maybe try getting a personal trainer. They can help."

"Is that what you did?"

"I have one, yes. I don't work with him all the time, but I do see him once a week."

"I'll look into that." Finn said as the boys stepped off of the elevator, and walked down the hall to Logan's room.