Chapter Seventeen: My Story

Hank hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until his body suddenly jerked forward and his eyes snapped open. The ship rocked for a few seconds before it settled. He groaned and glared at the ceiling. The lightbulb was flickering. Lovely.

He looked to Connor. He seemed to have been a bit spooked, too, for he was looking around frantically. After a moment he calmed down and leaned back against the pole. He closed his eyes.

"It's okay, Connor. It was just a quick bump," Hank said, though he was sure Connor knew that. He just wanted the boy to respond to him and pay attention.

Then he noticed something strange. His throat wasn't dry anymore. He actually felt refreshed. He could only conclude that Luther came back and found a way to put water down his throat. If that was the case, Hank had to admit it was impressive he managed to do that without waking him up. He hoped Luther did that with Connor.

"How's your throat feel?"

Connor shrugged. Hank wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one. His expression was too neutral. Hank sighed. He thought of asking about the kid's hands but went against it. It would probably freak him out if he noticed his hands numb again.

Hank wondered how much time had passed after he passed out again. Maybe a day passed. Maybe it was only a couple more hours. He hated everything second of this. He just wanted to get out of this room already, wanted to go outside.

Hank was just waiting for Daniel to come in to beat him again. He was surprised that he hadn't and that Hank could ignore most of his sore body. It was mostly his arms that bothered him. At the moment, he couldn't find the energy to go through with his plan to snap them off. He needed some time to fully come from his daze first.

Connor shifted and looked around the room. Poor kid was probably bored. That and he needed fresh air just as much as Hank did, if not more considering he was a kid. The kid also needed food.

Hank watched him as Connor stopped shifting. He looked resigned now. Hank sighed and stared at the floor as well. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to but at the same time, he figured the kid needed to know the truth. He needed to know exactly what Hank's problem was, why he hurt him that morning.

"Connor, look at me," Hank said, strictly. When Connor didn't, Hank tried again. "Connor, this is really important. Look at me."

The kid hesitantly looked up. He seemed to have trouble keeping eye contact, but he still managed. Good.

Hank took a deep breath. His heart felt heavy thinking about what he was going to share. This made him want to drink already and he didn't even speak yet. He almost wanted to back out of it, be a coward and say that it was nothing. But that wasn't fair and it wasn't true. This was too important. If he had to be hurt, then he had to be hurt.

"I need to explain why I yelled at you that morning," Hank started. "Because it wasn't fair and you didn't deserve it. You need to know why I tried to force you away."

Connor went to look down but stopped when Hank gave him a strict look. Hank swallowed hard.

"I had a son, Cole. He was my world, my everything. I loved that little boy more than anything."

Cole's smile was something that he would never forget. He would always remember how much energy he had. He was such a happy boy. Hank was so proud of his accomplishments in his short little life.

And that was the problem. Cole Anderson's life was short. He deserved so much more. It wasn't normal for a child to die before their parents. Parents were supposed to be the first to go. That's just how it was.

"There was a car accident. He just turned six years old," Hank continued. He had to swallow hard again. His heart hurt. "We were driving home and, ah, a truck crashed into us and the car rolled over. It happened so fast."

Hank closed his eyes. He shook his head. It was hard to swallow the lump in his throat.

He did what he could before the truck hit them. He tried to reach over and cover his son. He didn't make it in time before the truck collided into them and they rolled over. The noise only lasted for a few seconds before Hank lost consciousness.

He woke up only for a few moments in the middle of the mess. He heard his boy crying and weeping for daddy. Glass stuck to both of them, making movement difficult. Hank couldn't reach him completely. All he could do was lay a hand on top of Cole's head. He ruffled his hair weakly to try and comfort his son.

"Daddy, Daddy, I'm scared- it hurts, Daddy…"

That was the last time he heard Cole's voice. It was full of fear and pain and Hank never wanted to hear such a tone from him again. And he never did. He passed out again before the ambulances arrived and got them to the hospital.

Hank continued, barely managing to come back to the present. "I can't remember how long I was out. I was on the receiving end of my job as a homicide detective," he said. "I'm sorry to inform you, Mister Anderson, but your son didn't make it."

Hank didn't believe the words the doctor told him that night. He refused to believe it. He knew, of course, there was a smaller chance of Cole making it than him. But he believed that his boy would survive. He had to because it was the parent's job to die first. So, Cole had to live. He needed to see it to believe it.

The doctor did everything he could to keep Hank lying down that night. He would make everything that much worse if he got up so suddenly. They had given him some drugs to calm him down and the next morning he would be allowed to see Cole.

Hank shook his head. "The next morning when I went to see him...He was just lying there, on the operating table."

Connor's eyes brimmed with tears.

"He was gone." Fuck, now his eyes were starting to sting with tears. "I never got to hold him again. I never got to tell him I loved him again."

Hank couldn't hold it in anymore. He did manage to keep the tears in but he couldn't stop the sobs. He did his best to keep them under control and not too loud. He didn't want anyone walking in and not just because he could get a beating.

Hank took a deep breath and tried to stop the sobbing. "I started to lose everything after that. My job, my health, my sanity, my...fuck. My everything. Everything just went downhill. My world shattered."

Nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be the same. He simply let himself go and couldn't find it in him to come back. Years could pass and he knew that nothing could fill the gap. There would always be that pain of losing his child. He could try and make it go away and ignore it. He attempted to do so by drinking and doing Russian Roulette. Nothing worked. The pain was always there.

People tried to help him but he pushed them all away. He pushed everything away. Maybe his dog was the only thing he didn't get rid of. But everything else? He just let everything else go. He was stuck in a never-ending void, even now.

The tears started to spill from his eyes now. He couldn't hold that back anymore. Fucking shit. This was turning out much worse than he thought. He thought he could hold back his emotions better than this. But of course not.

Hank remained silent for a few moments, trying to collect himself. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He shook his head.

"When I met you, I started to see my son again," Hank finally said after a while. "I was scared to lose another kid, so...I forced you away. I yelled at you to try and scare you, get you to just stay away."

He heard Connor whimper.

"I didn't want to be responsible for another child's death. I couldn't do it. If I could do anything in this world, it would try and make sure no child suffers an early death."

He never wanted to hurt Connor. He had no choice. It was the only way to save himself and Connor. Hank was a bad luck charm, as far as he was concerned. He didn't want the boy to die without having lived his life. Even with all this mayhem, Connor could still have a bright future.

Hank wanted the boy to have that. He wanted Connor to live the future his own son couldn't get. He wanted that for all kids. It was personal with Connor now. Things had always been different with Connor.

"Do you understand, Connor?"

Connor nodded and tears left his eyes. He sobbed lightly behind the gag. Hank knew this was a lot to dump on Connor, but the kid had the right to know why Hank had been cruel to him. He had the right to know. He would probably find out eventually. It was best that Hank told him personally, despite the current situation.

"Can you trust me now?"

There was a long moment of no movement but Connor kept his eyes on Hank's. Connor nodded. His tears came to a slow stop. Hank smiled weakly and he also nodded.

"Good boy."

It was time to get out of here. And so, Hank went back to his original plan of trying to force the zip ties off with enough friction. This time when he did it, Connor actually looked hopeful. It did seem to be a struggle for him but the fact that he was trying was good enough for Hank.

Honestly, Hank wasn't entirely sure on what to do after he got himself and Connor free. Of course they would get out of this god forsaken room, but he wasn't sure where to go from there. He would either rely on his (poor) sense of direction or ask Connor.

Something he did know for sure was that he needed to find his coat where his phone was at. He also needed to find his gun. Maybe he could do some interrogating if he ran into Daniel or Luther.

He worked harder on trying to get the zip ties off, trying to think of a good escape plan and a way to do it safely. It wouldn't be so bad once he found his phone so he could inform Jeffrey. He would also feel safer with his gun.

Then a new thought came to mind in the middle of his pulling.

"Hey…"

Connor tilted his head.

"What are the chances of them thinking I went crazy?"

Connor furrowed his brows.

"As in...Getting crazy enough to want to kill you."

Connor's eyes widened. He leaned back against the pole.

Hank nodded. "Good, so this idea can actually scare you."

Connor shrugged. Then he looked down but not in a dejected way like he did before. He looked back up and gave Hank a suspicious look.

"Well?"

Connor nodded.

"Great. I think I got an idea."

He didn't fail to notice that Connor really did look nervous. The kid nodded either way.


Author's Note: I'm one chapter away from being done writing, then it's just a matter of posting. I'm still sticking to my Monday and Friday schedule.

That's all for now. I'll see ya'll next chapter.

Thanks for reading!

~Kurosaki