31st October, 1971
Hallowe'en morning came with the grandeur that I would expect of a holiday. There were no classes as it was a Sunday, yet it seemed like everyone was up early and the common room was a ruckus of noise. We all were shouting and laughing, messing 'round with one another and talking with excitement about the feast. Bilius told us about the floating candles and jack 'o'lanterns that filled the air all 'round the long tables in the Great Hall. There were shouts and squeals of excitement as we talked, and I couldn't wait!
The Great Hall was tressed up quite marvelously, the air filled with grinning pumpkin lanterns and black, dripping candles that flickered their lights across the walls. The tables had been covered with orange and black cloths, and snaked along them were decorative cobwebs (spider-free, of course). Professor Slughorn had brewed a potion that bubbled in the front of the Hall, near the staff table where he could keep an eye on it, that spread about a pleasant scene that conjured the spirit of Halloween festivities deep within one's fibres. I couldn't help but feel an excited thrill as a waft of all the sweets made its way up my nose. I stared around a moment from the doors, admiring the way the ghosts seemed to be more transparent, nearly fully formed. Nearly Headless Nick, the Gryffindor ghost was floating overhead, talking with the Bloody Baron and the Fat Friar. I could easily see the fine details in the lace on the ruff that surrounded Nick's neck stump. It was quite impressive.
"Wotcher, Sabrina! Let's go in already!" Sirius called out as the four boys ran towards me. James grabbed the sleeve of my robes and we went into the Hall to join in on the festivities.
1st November, 1971
As though the weather was waiting for Hallowe'en to be over to begin its assault on the castle, I woke up this morning to find the grounds of Hogwarts had been coated overnight with a light dusting of snow. Not even enough to fully cover the grass. The boys and I agreed that, after a double Defense class, we'd go outside during our break for lunch and have a snowball fight. But by the time Defense was over, the snow had melted in the afternoon sun.
"Bloody classes," complained James, shoving his glasses up his nose with a frown of disappointment. "Always sapping off the fun of things, aren't they?" Even as we trooped across the grounds after lunch, headed for the Herbology greenhouses, we still didn't find enough snow for a fight, though Sirius did manage to scrape up just enough to throw a dirty ball the size of a bludger at Peter, who danced about as some of the snow broke apart and slipped down the back of his robes.
"We ought to sneak out of the common room tonight and see if we can add to our map," suggested Sirius quietly as we worked on extracting Bubotuber pod. He looked round at the four of us with an eager grin.
"Yeah," agreed James, "I'm telling you, there's got to be more to the Third Floor. We never did find a corridor that connected through the centre, like it seems Filch sometimes uses. There has to be some door or turn we've missed!"
Remus stared very hard at the Bubotubers. "Maybe we shouldn't be going out at night at all," he said.
"Afraid of Filch then, are you?" I prodded.
Remus shook his head, "No, I just don't think it's a very wise idea. Sirius and James have had enough detentions already, and Merlin knows what'll happen if McGonagall catches you out of the dormitory in the middle of the night."
I shrugged, "So I get detention for the first time and we get a couple points taken off Gryffindor. What we're working for is for the benefit of generations of future Gryffindors!" I said heartily, "It's worth a couple points!"
Remus shrugged, "I just don't think it's a very good idea, that's all."
"So stay in the dormitory then," Sirius said.
Remus didn't reply.
Peter spoke up instead, perhaps seeing his opportunity to be more favoured than Remus for once. "I don't think it's such a terrible idea," he said, glancing at Remus with a sort of apologetic look, before giving James, Sirius and I one of a rebellious nature.
"Well, good, then," said James, before whispering to Sirius and I, "He'd make for an excellent scapegoat, should we need to make a quick escape." I snickered.
"Peter," Sirius said, "You come along and Remus can stay in the Gryffindor common room like a prat."
"I'm not a prat," Remus said hotly, "I just don't fancy breaking the rules and ending up expelled!" he glowered down at the Bubotubers and when the bell rang signalling the end of class, he got up and huffed away, leaving us behind as he rushed out of the greenhouses.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "When did Remus get to be so uptight anyway?" he asked me as we brought the jar of pus we'd extracted up to Professor Viridi's desk amongst a throng of Hufflepuffs.
"Dunno," I answered with a shrug.
When we got up to the common room, Remus wasn't anywhere to be found. I figured he'd stormed off to brood someplace alone. I grabbed hold of the roll of parchments we'd been using for the map, one sheet for each floor, and held them up while Sirius started cutting a new sheet to the same measurements as the others for the next floor for our venture out into the halls tonight. Meanwhile, James and Peter got a bit of homework done before supper.
But Remus never showed up to supper.
"He's gone and disappeared again," James whispered to us.
I nodded, deep in thought. He's disappeared again, for the - what? The third time now since the start of term? What on earth could possibly be going on at home that would draw him away three times in as many months? I rubbed my chin, leaning my elbow on the edge of the table. Three times in three months… I wracked my memory trying to recall if the dates when Remus had been absent were the same each month. But no, they couldn't have been, as it was 1st November, and on 1st September we'd been on the Hogwarts Express together. It had been a few days into the term before Remus went missing. And again in October… slightly less than a full month ago… but there did seem to be some sort of pattern to it.
I returned to earth as I was kicked in the knee by James. "Oi, Sabrina, you still with us?"
"Huh?" I shook my head and looked over at James, Sirius and Peter. Peter laughed a bit. "Sorry, I was thinking."
"Is it that unusual that you're thinking that it's so noticeable, then?" Sirius teased.
"Imagine what it'd be like if you were thinking," I replied back with a smirk, "All of England would have a holiday in honour of the rare occasion."
"A proper bank holiday, even?" James questioned with a grin.
"Of course," I replied, "Even the goblins would take a day off. Or else they'd drop dead from the shock of it when they heard the news that your gears were grinding in there."
The three of us laughed while Peter ate a carrot, looking quite out of place of our jeering fun, before finally interrupting our giggles, "So when are we going to… you know…" he glanced about to be sure none of the other Gryffindors were listening, "Go and work on the map?" he asked.
"Tonight," Sirius replied, "Maybe 'round midnight or so?"
James nodded, "Brilliant."
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "So, are we really not gonna bring Remus along?" I felt terribly guilty of that whole thing from earlier.
"If Remus is round we'll ask him of course," James answered. At the same time Sirius cried, "Let the prat stay in the dorms!" James and I frowned at him.
"It's his map, too," I said.
"But if he's so afraid of a detention-"
"He's just worried about his marks," James said with a wave of his hand, "You know Lupin, he's worried about things like that. Deep down, he's our kind of guy, just a bit more cautious. Bet his folks make a big deal about his marks or something. His mum's a Muggle, isn't she? Muggles put a lot of stock in marks and the like, right?"
I nodded, "Pretty much, yeah. Sometimes it seems like that's the only way your worth is judged in the Muggle world."
"Well we've plenty of time to worry about marks when we're older," Sirius said with a shrug. "Not as if we're being made to choose careers and take OWLs this year. Might as well have a bit of fun before we get on taking things seriously." He grabbed a piece of treacle tart. "Besides, I dunno, there's something else funny about Remus."
"Something else funny?" James asked around a bite of pork.
"Yeah," Sirius replied.
"Like what?" Peter asked.
"Like this disappearing bit he does every month," Sirius replied. "Where's he go?"
James was cutting his chops up into little bites. "He said he went home."
"But why?"
"Family emergency," James answered. "Remember?"
"Once a month?" I challenged.
Peter was nibbling at an ear of corn. "Maybe he has a standing dentist appointment." The three of us looked at him with raised eyebrows. Peter swallowed hard and turned red, "It was just a suggestion," he said.
"Every month since the start of term," Sirius emphasised his last point, as though Peter's dentist suggestion hadn't even been brought up.
I added on, "For several days at a time, each time. And none of the teachers acknowledge it. None of them ask us where he's at. None of them scold him the next time they see him. By now, Dumbledore himself has got to be involved. Remus should've been expelled or something by now. Something's going on." It took a lot for me not to mention what I saw between Dumbledore and Remus last month at two in the morning. I'm not one to break promises.
James shrugged, "Whatever it is, he doesn't want us to know about it or he would've told us."
"Well Sabrina and I clearly wanna know," Sirius said. "Remus calls us his friends and yet he's got some great deal to get himself out of having to sit through History of Magic with Binns or that blasted Potions class. He needs to let us in on his secret to getting out of classes."
That night, the four of us went up to the boys' dormitory at an early time, in hopes that the other Gryffindors would follow suit so that we could get out of the common room with most of the night to map the corridors below. Bilius and Derek sat up in the common room for some time, though, going over new Quidditch strategies by the fireplace. It was nearly one o'clock before they carried their parchments up to the sixth years' dorms and cleared the way for Sirius, James, Peter and I to sneak out through the portrait hole.
"This way," Sirius said, and he led us down some of the moving staircases to the lower levels of the castle, headed for the fourth floor, where we could begin mapping out the new territory. There were no signs of Filch or Mrs. Norris and for that we were all quite thankful. After all, the less obstacles we faced, the better.
We reached the fourth floor without any trouble at all, and quickly located an empty classroom to lay out our parchments and draw in the way we'd just come, turning the page to line up with the one we'd drawn for the third floor so that the staircases were where they ought to be. We'd just finished getting the parchment prepared and was about to strike out into the halls again when I heard an echoing voice in the hallway.
My eyes went wide, "Dumbledore!" I hissed.
We quickly darted back into the classroom, where James and Peter ducked into a supply closet at the far side. Sirius dropped his wand and had to double back. I kept the door open for him so he wouldn't risk making noise trying to open it, and we'd only just gotten through the door and pressed our backs to the wall before Dumbledore's footsteps were too close to chance moving again. So we stayed very still, our hearts pounding.
There were two voices, I realised, as they came closer. The not-Dumbledore voice was speaking, and I looked to Sirius with surprise, as I knew that voice. "It's Remus!" I whispered to him and Sirius' eyes widened.
"It's very lonesome during the days, when I'm not - you know." He paused, and I heard them come to a stop. "There's no one to talk to. I miss my friends." Remus sighed.
"I'm very sorry to hear of that," Dumbledore said sadly. "It's quite a challenge, being alone, one which I myself suffer with quite frequently." He paused. "I wish that I could help, that there was a way to keep you from having to be so very alone, but for the safety of the others…"
"I understand," Remus said.
"Professor Slughorn is working very hard with many prominent potion masters all over the world, trying to find an antidote." Dumbledore added. "One day, we hope to end all of the suffering that those with your condition must endure."
Remus sighed, "Wish we had it now."
"As do I, my boy," Dumbledore agreed. He sighed, too. "I do wish there was more I could do to help you."
Remus said, "Well. It would help if you could tell me what to tell my friends. They keep asking after me whenever I go - and, well, I think they're getting suspicious."
"As good friends tend to do," Dumbledore replied.
"What should I tell them?" Remus asked.
Dumbledore was quiet for a long moment and I felt rather strangely, as though Dumbledore somehow was aware that Sirius and I were there, just behind the wall, but I don't know exactly why I thought so. We just held our breath.
"Tell them only what they need to know," Dumbledore answered. "Only what you trust them with."
"Yes, sir," Remus answered.
"Now come, we must get you downstairs," Dumbledore said, and the sounds of their footsteps echoed on down the hallway, fading the further away they got, until finally they were gone and Sirius and I finally let out gasps for air. I was thankful to fill my lungs fully.
"You can come out now," I called to James and Peter, who came spilling from the cupboard, the map parchment in hand.
"That was close," Peter said, wringing his hands, "Maybe Remus was right. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
James rolled his eyes, "First sign of trouble and this one wants to go back to the common room. Don't be such a sissy, Peter." He turned to Sirius and I, "What in bloody hell was Dumbledore doing roaming round the corridors at this hour?" he asked.
Sirius and I looked at each other, and it was as if a mutual agreement was made to not share what we heard. We both shrugged.
James was still dusting off, for the cupboard had been quite stuffed with old fur jackets that had been collecting dust for eons it seemed. "Well - blimey!" he complained, frowning.
Sirius glanced at the hall. "You know, I think we really ought to go back up to the common room," he said.
James looked surprised, "What? Why? We were going to map."
I nodded, but thought of how sad Remus had sounded, saying he missed his friends. "But maybe we ought to wait until Remus is back. I feel bad leaving him out of it. It's his map, too. It's not right working on it without him. Besides, look at that shoddy staircase we drew. Remus is much better at the drawing parts than we are. That looks awful, that staircase does."
James squinted at Sirius and I almost suspiciously. I looked to Peter, then to James, trying to send him the message that we'd tell him more about what was going on once Peter was asleep back in the dormitory.
James eventually sighed. "Alright, fine, let's go back to the common room, then."
"How come they're not sissies for wanting to go back to the common room?" Demanded Peter as Sirius ducked his head out of the classroom to look both ways and listen for Filch or his cat.
"You wanted to go back cos you were too scared in the face of a little danger. We want to go back because we care about Remus." I replied as we followed Sirius along the corridor, back to the staircases.
Peter sighed as we climbed the stairs, "Sometimes I don't feel like you three like me as much as you like each other or Remus," he complained.
James and Sirius looked to me for help in bridging the awkward moment, as I'd always been the more empathetic of the group. Peter was technically right, but I'm fairly certain honesty was not the best policy at the moment. "We like you plenty," I said carefully, "Don't worry about it so much. You just overthink it, that's your problem. Just believe us we like you and leave it at that."
Peter nodded slowly.
Back in the common room, I waited for Sirius and James to come down. They were planning on laying in their beds until Peter had fallen asleep, before coming back down. About twenty minutes had passed, and I was getting drowsy huddled up by the fire, when I heard two pairs of near-silent footsteps coming down the steps. I gave a small smile to the two boys as they curled up and joined me.
"So what really went on?" James asked, voice in a hushed whisper, "What made you decide to turn back?"
"Remus was with Dumbledore," I whispered, "Dumbledore and him were talking. Wherever Remus is going, he's going alone and he says he misses us while he's gone, but Dumbledore said that it couldn't be helped for our safety."
James looked confused, "For our safety? What's that mean, ey?"
"I dunno," answered Sirius. "But whatever it is, it's got to do with why Remus has been disappearing. And Dumbledore's the reason why Remus hasn't been telling us. He asked Dumbledore what he ought to be saying to us to make us stop asking him where he's gone and Dumbledore told him to tell us what we need to know."
The confusion on James' face only deepened. "That's weird," he said. "Why would Dumbledore want Remus to keep it a secret where he's going every month?"
"I don't know," Sirius replied.
"And for our safety, too," I mused.
"Strange, the lot of it," James agreed. "None of it makes sense."
"None of it," I confirmed.
Sirius said, "Anyway, we felt like buggers going on and mapping without him, when he's missing us and all."
"Don't blame you," James said.
"Well I dunno about you two but I'm bloody well going to keep asking him about where he goes," I added, "I don't care if he has Dumbledore telling him not to. If we keep asking him, eventually he's bound to crack and tell us, right? If he's really our friend he'll trust us not to tell anyone about it."
James glanced back toward the staircase to the boys' dormitories. "Maybe he's not told us because of Peter," he whispered even quieter than before.
I cocked my head in confusion. "Because of Peter?" asked Sirius.
"Yeah. You know, because Peter's always there. Maybe Remus only wants to tell us, you two and me. I mean… maybe he doesn't trust Peter."
"Maybe he doesn't trust us," Sirius countered.
"Maybe we ought to show him he can," James suggested.
"How?" I asked.
James shrugged.
There was an awkward moment in which none of us really knew what to say next. We shifted uncomfortably.
"Anyway," muttered James, "We better be going back to bed. There's Charms first thing."
"Right," Sirius agreed, "But we can have a nap in History of Magic after at least."
I laughed, "Of course. What else is there to do while Binns is going on about Goblin Wars?"
I said goodnight to the boys and went up to my dormitory and climbed into bed. I felt a pang of sorrow for whatever Remus must be going through at the moment.
