I'm back! I've finally settled at university. Tomorrow I start my first class and I am plenty nervous.

Also, this chapter has been split into three parts. Enjoy three chapters written in someone else's POV :)


"They've arrived!"

The call echoed through the restroom. There was a pause, a moment wherein every ninja there considered ignoring the unsaid order to return to their poker games.

But one by one each ninja remembered they were supposed to be loyal to the Tsuchikage and that meant completing the god damn mission.

At least, that's what Deidara reckoned in the privacy of his own mind. He, like every other sorry ass, trouped out of the restroom – little more than a room with a few tables and chairs and one awful couch – to gather outside of the entrance point.

He tested the air. There was a charge, a tell-all tale of chakra usage. But they were warned about that, and the chakra was rough and obvious, full of power but lacking any refinement. Deidara had to work to sense a ninja.

"Do not let anyone out of your sight. We're to protect them, but also keep an eye on them."

Deidara could barely not roll his eyes. That was the basic description of any guard job.

"Roll your eyes once more, and I'll leave you here at the entrance guard."

He grimaced, but prior experience kept his mouth shut, set in a tight line. The speaker was an older ninja, one that Deidara always clashed with. He didn't get along with many people, but this guy was the king among dumbasses in Iwa's military. Deidara didn't care about his name, so he was referred to as His Royal Dickhead in his own mind.

Dickhead sniffed, but stalked off – Deidara wanted to stick one of his bombs up his saggy ass and let it go off.

Their customers arrived within five minutes. The speed the clan moved at put carts as a liability, but it was still strange to see civilians carry sealing scrolls. It would be a nightmare for customs.

Deidara was not kidding when he said he'd rather die than be stuck with border duty ever again. Something his superiors – in particular, His Royal Dickhead – used against him often.

As he predicted, security moved at a snail's pace. The run down breakroom would've been better than out here. The civvies even got the choice to crouch or rest their feet!

An hour and a half of standing around looking threatening later, the boredom was interrupted by a slight commotion at the office. Dickhead was already at customs, so there was no harm slowly drifting closer to check it out. Hopefully, it was something good.

"We swear she's only just beginning to learn," said some chick. Her head was mostly tightly wrapped in a dark blue fabric, and she wore a light blue haori over the clan's yukata. Maybe the clan head? Or maybe just in charge of getting them through borders. The woman laid a hand on a child's shoulder. "She wants to join a Hidden Village and so our returned ninjas have been teaching her."

His Royal Dickhead suddenly turned from apprehensive and defensive to extremely interested and delighted. It was a look Deidara had rarely seen on him and he was thankful. It made him look like a drooling gambler.

Deidara turned his interest to the child. A quick taste of the chakra in the air by his left hand revealed that she did have some ninja training. The rest of the clan had used their chakra messily and stopped producing it the moment they physically stopped. The child still had chakra churning through them, and it seemed to be circling through her body with intent.

"If she is trained, then why isn't she with the others?" Dickhead gestured to a group of men and women who didn't join the other adults when they were being processed. But he could see from a glance they moved with grace and power.

The lady acknowledged him with the utmost seriousness. "Yes, I see my mistakes now. My deepest apologies."

Dickhead huffed, and to his surprise, gestured to the scroll that held all the clan member's names. Was he actually letting this mistake go? What the fuck?

His finger paused at one of the details. "She was born in Stone?"

"Yes, along the coastline," the child answered. So barely in what they counted as proper Stone Country – just a bunch of tourist destinations. Deidara wasn't sure if it was good for their business. Why would you go to a performance that will eventually come to your own town?

His Royal Dickhead considered the child. "I will station a guard on her at all times. Maybe she can learn something from them?"

Alarm bells sounded. It was suddenly a stupid idea to eavesdrop on this conversation. He had to evacuate he did not want to be –

"Ah, Deidara, how about you?"

– babysitting. Fuck.

"Hello," the child greeted "I love your hair. I'm Oniyuri."

"Deidara," he answered through gritted teeth. Fuck, this was going to suck. Hopefully, he wouldn't be stuck with it for too long? Right?

"Wonderful," Dickhead smiled, evilly. It was the only way he could really describe it. Evilly. Evilly. "You can be her guard until they leave."

The child left the woman to stand in front of him. "Nice to meet you! Do you want to know a secret?"

Wincing as he sank to his knees to be on the same level as her, Deidara gave another teeth-baring smile. "Sure!"

The brat leaned forward and covered one side of her mouth with a hand. Her voice, however, was anything but quiet, even to normal civilians.

"He looks like a dick, doesn't he?"

Deidara couldn't help but snort, not when he expected something along the lines of 'I'm not potty trained' or 'I peed my pants.' Dickhead was frozen. The woman, hilariously, calmly worked on even though there was no way she didn't hear the child.

Oniyuri grinned, and it was full of mischief. She bounded away, calling for her mother. One icy glare from Dickhead made him reluctantly chase after her.

The mother was nondescript. After explaining the situation to her, Deidara expected to never speak to her again. But then that woman with most of her head wrapped returned and made some announcements. She introduced Dickhead and some other ninjas (Deidara instantly removed their names from his memory) and explained they would be their guards, and – the real killer – that all children were to stick with their parent at all times. Fuuuuuck.

They departed not long after. The Tsuchikage apparently did not allow them to use chakra for travelling in Stone Country, so they were going at a snail's pace.

The brat seemed to have been let loose by the mother. Which Deidara would've been dreading if the brat actually acted like a child. Instead of running everywhere or annoying him, she stuck by her mother's side and kept throwing concerned glances behind her.

There was nobody else but more clan people.

Deidara was bored enough to seriously considered what was up with her. He was stuck in the middle of the convoy, no other ninjas around him (not that his fellow Iwa ninjas would be any more fun), and they had barely moved.

Civilian speed suuuuucks.

The brat detached herself from her mother and slowed down her speed until she was in step with him.

"What?" he hoped she wouldn't make small talk with him.

"What to hear something funny?" she asked.

He did not give a flying fuck.

"That dickhead boss of yours? He just slipped and face planted on a rock." She tapped her nose through her face mask, the one that suddenly appeared during their travel time. "Broke his nose too."

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"I heard it. Even his swearing is awful." Yeah, he would say – "How tame is 'oh crumpets!'!? Your nose is bleeding!"

Deidara let out a huff of air. "Ok, say I believe that you can hear that. What else can you hear?"

"There's a squad of Iwa nin going around us, Saburo and Masuyo are really trying to fight 'quietly' over their relationship. Saburo thinks they're in love, Masuyo says they were only FBW, and you're ticking. A lot. What is it?"

Deidara vaguely recognised the names of some of the other ninjas also on the mission but was suddenly distracted by the fact she could hear his bombs.

The last time Deidara heard his own bombs was right before he entered the Bomb Squad. A Bomb Squad member had blown up the entrance to a cave, trapping Deidara inside. For hours, all he could hear was the tic-tic-tic of his own bombs.

He got out and got into the Squad. His first lesson was how to make his bombs absolutely silent because noise is Bomb Squad's worst enemy. Maybe being stuck in that cave really made the lesson drive home because he had the quietest bombs in the Squad.

Deidara palmed a small pebble-sized bomb from his ready-to-go collection and held it up to his ear. Nothing, not even when he channelled chakra into his ears and focused.

"Well," he offered the rock to her. It was only a very small explosion, just flashy enough for a quick distraction in a normal ninja fight and weak enough to only singe her fingers if she was dumb enough to put chakra into it. "I guess your hearing is super enough." She grinned at him, the only signs of it the sparkle in her eyes.

Later, when Deidara is pulled into night watch after the brat goes to bed, he meets His Royal Dickhead once more. He was wearing a mask, like Oniyuri's, and only because he was looking for it, he could see the slight lump over his nose, more than normal Bandages.

"Feeling bad?" he snarked.

"It's a cold," Dickhead grunted, and maybe the nasally sound in his voice could be passed off as one. But Deidara was too much of a little shit to let it go.

"Sounds like a little worse than a cold." He commented, just as another called his name. Deidara slipped away, a big grin on his face.

"You're on watch with Masuyo," an older woman informed him, not glancing away from the rocky scenery. Deidara huffed, not bothering with a reply, and wandered around the outskirts of the group until he found a lone woman sitting on a rock, back straight.

When he joined her, her shoulders tensed. "I'm not Saburo," he tried.

Masuyo sharply turned her head around to him. "How do you know about us?"

"You just confirmed it for me." Literally.

The older woman scowled and returned to surveying the quiet rocks. Deidara hadn't met her prior to this current mission, and she'd been as quiet as any unmotivated career chuunin.

"If you want a shot you're a little too young," she remarked, one eyebrow quirked as if she dared him to argue. Deidara rolled his eyes. He was 11, his only concern was increasing his skills.

"Yuck," was all he said, and moved over to the rock next to Masuyo's. "Why does he think you're in love?"

"So you do know everything," Masuyo sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It was originally a friends with benefits relationship. I made that clear from the start. But he caught feelings and somewhere along the way projected them onto me."

Deidara gave her another look over. She wore a worn chuunin jacket over the standard uniform. There wasn't a single piece of personality – no specialised weaponry, no trinkets from previous missions, no scars, no tattoos. Her hair was a dusty brown, perhaps blonde some years ago. It was braided tight to her skull, allowing no chances of grabbing hands. The only thing interesting about her was this relationship and the single sentence that she spat at him. She was dull.

"Dull Rock," he decided.

"What?"

"Nothing," he watched her for a little bit, but like her nickname, she did nothing. They were in Iwa and nobody attached the Suisei Clan anyway. He could talk. "What you gonna do with him?"

"I can't do anything. And we're also patrolling together during the day." Dull Rock groaned, massaging her temples with her fingers. "And I think we're stuck that way for the while. I don't have any favours to call in."

Deidara, being 11, didn't either. Furthermore, Dickhead was the only ninja on the mission who he had interacted with beforehand.

With nothing to say or offer, they passed the night in silence.


The next night, Deidara was posted with Dull Rock once more. However, when he turned up, she was already looking for him.

"How did you do that?" she demanded.

"What?"

"One of the Suisei members was talking to Saburo the entire day. I didn't have to deal with him at all!"

"What?"

Dull Rock rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb, I know it was you. The Suisei was definitely making moves on Saburo."

Yeah, he was still confused. But he could roll with it. "Whatever," he waved his hand, trying to act uninterested instead of confused.

He could not get it off his mind. It wasn't until he saw the brat next morning the chain of events unfolded in his mind.

"It was you, wasn't it?" he grumbled, narrowing his eyes as he watched the brat calmly take a sip of her morning glass of milk.

"I asked a friend of mine to help a guy with a broken heart and a serious case of delusions." Deidara stared at the little kid, trying to place her age. But nothing he came up with matched her vocab and intelligence.

"What can you offer?" he scoffed "You're a baby."

"I'm four, thank you very much, and Rose did it because he's my friend. He's also perpetually horny, but he's my friend."

"So why did you do that for Masuyo? You've never met her!"

"No, she owes you, and you owe me." The brat smiled brightly.

The mother chose that moment to return, but Deidara didn't put it past the brat hearing her approach and planned her words accordingly.

It was time for the clan to pack up their tents and move on. The ninjas were ready to go in five minutes. It took an hour for the civilians. God, why are they doing this? Every other country lets them run free.

He couldn't join the meet up that morning because His Royal Dickhead ordered him to find the brat already. Just as he was wondering what they had talked about, Oniyuri filled him in.

"I didn't ask!" he bit out. He didn't want to owe her another favour.

"I'm doing this for free," she defended, "It's not your fault you were stuck with me."

Deidara narrowed his eyes. Fine, he'll take the unwanted gift.

"But I want you to cash in your favour with Masuyo."

He gritted his teeth. He did rather desperately need the brat's sense of hearing. He could live without knowing that Dickhead face planted and broke his nose and illicit, troublesome relationships, but he did need her for the important meetings. They had discussed plans and fighting formations that could have some serious consequences if Deidara wasn't informed of. Results from getting in trouble back in Iwa… or death.

He could use his favour with Dull Rock so she could inform him but that would be a whole day of delay and anything could happen during the day. And it still wouldn't release him of the favour with the brat.

"Fine. What?"

"I want you to help her train her skills."

Deidara stopped walking, and so did the brat when she realised he did so. Other Suisei members flowed around them, their mundane conversations blurring into the background as he openly stared at the brat. She met his eyes without fear.

"Why."

"Call me a romantic. She's got a crush on someone else. However, this person only sees her as another chuunin, so if she gets better, they'll notice her. And if it's futile, then you've got a new jounin at hand."

"You're fucking weird." He grumbled but continued walking once more.

"You call her Dull Rock, right?" She continued, "Well, you can help her become a diamond. And maybe she can teach you a little bit in return."

He thought about it.

The truth is, teachers are hard to come by in Iwa. If you weren't in a clan and weren't talented enough (or lucky enough) then you were right screwed. Iwa didn't have the resources to create 3 genin and 1 jounin teams like Konoha and Suna, and knowledge was restricted, unlike Kumo. Mizu just didn't have enough genin to be worried about recalling too many jounin from the front lines. And while Deidara was also chuunin, he'd only advanced a few months ago. Dull Rock would have a few more years of experience under her belt.

"She needs a specialised weapon," he said, "I've already got one, which is why I'm chuunin." If you were in the Bomb Squad, then you already considered chuunin. They had standards – and bombs counted as 'special weapons.' "Going to be hard out here to learn though."

"Let's ask Tsutsuji! He'll have an idea."

The brat bolted ahead before he could say "Who?"

Tsutsuji was the head guard, but Deidara was surprised to see that he was not the strongest – he wasn't even a ninja. But those with training clearly referred to him. Isn't that dumb? He must be the oldest and operating under the delusion that age triumphs skill.

Tsutsuji listened to the brat's request and laughed. "And here I thought you'd have a few months break, but you've already found a way to practice." He shook his head. "I've got a weapon in mind for you, but I'll have to see the fighting style of the young lady you're talking about."

Having one of the Iwa ninja train allowed her to train, even though the Tsuchikage was extremely against the Suisei clan practising while in the borders. Damn, that was some clever thinking.

"She's got patrol now, but she has watch with Deidara later tonight."

"I'll talk with you at dinner then," he promised, and then waved them off to return to his conversation with his underlings. They returned to where the brat's mother was in the convoy.

"I didn't expect that he was going to teach me!"

Deidara gave her a side look. "You mean that wasn't your intention?"

"Nope!" she beamed at him. "But I'm happy I asked!"


Deidara had barely explained that people would be joining them to Dull Rock when the crunch of gravel told her anyway. The brat was carrying a scroll so large it was taller than her and she had to carry it over her head with great difficulty. It did not hinder the large grin stretching so wide he could see it behind her mask. Tsutsuji was accompanied by another man, larger, younger and definitely trained.

"Hi!" Oniyuri greeted. "His Royal Dickhead agreed!"

Her companions made no move to correct her.

"All Tsutsuji needed to do was drop your name," the burly man rumbled, nudging the kid's shoulder.

"Too bad for him." She dropped the scroll and grinned up to her friend.

"Hello," Dull Rock cautiously greeted, choosing to keep Deidara between her and the Suisei members. "How can I help you?"

"We're here to help you chose a weapon."

"But I don't need one."

"You do if you want to be jounin." Deidara snapped back. Even if she did want to stay as chuunin, she was obliged to try. Warily, she drew closer.

"Bara here will have a friendly match with you so we can figure out your fighting style. We'll choose a weapon that's good for you and go from there."

The brat was happy to sit aside for a while, watching Dull Rock and her opponent slowly fight. Deidara was surprised to see that the head guard could keep up with the fight – it wasn't as fast as they could push themselves, but it was only a diagnostic fight. They barely used any jutsu.

Deidara sat beside the brat. "Why does Dickhead make so many exceptions for you?" he grumbled. Never had he heard of Iwa ninjas learning from the Suisei clan.

"Suisei members have the chance to join hidden villages if they're interested in becoming ninjas. My guess is that his superiors have told him to try and make me join Iwa, which is why you're stuck with me and he's fine with Iwa nins teaching us. Sucks to be him though, I've already chosen Konoha."

Deidara's instinctive sneer at Konoha's name was overrun by his cackle. Of course, Dickhead would unknowingly waste energy trying to make Oniyuri come to Iwa, and he felt like he deserved it.

"Alright," the head guard declared. Dull Rock and opponent stopped at once, the large man moving over to his head at the wave of his hand. "Now, my first thought was…"

As they discussed, Oniyuri leaned over and tapped Deidara's knee lightly. "Suggest a naginata."

"What?" he glanced down at her, back up to where the two men were beginning to discuss ideas over the open scroll.

"Just do it!"

"How about a naginata?" he called, trying to sound confident and not making it too much of a question. The two men paused, looked up at him, and returned to their discussion, nodding furiously.

"Yes, yes, a naginata should do. I think we have some in storage…" the head guard furiously looked through the scroll. When he pointed to a seal, the burly man moved over and released the item. It was a wooden naginata – basically a spear, but without a sharp blade. One end curved slightly.

The head guard caught it mid-air without a fuss. He whipped it around, testing the weapon. The other man didn't flinch at the blunt weapon whipping around his face. The wooden stick didn't even come close to the man anyway.

Maybe the head guard did have some skills.

"Alright, try this out," he announced.

"Wouldn't a weapon with a blade work better? I am a ninja." Dull Rock muttered as she drew even closer, now interested in the weapon.

"Ah, don't worry, this is the practice weapon. The real one has a blade." He said cheerfully, just as he brings it to a strong stop. Deidara could imagine the massive pain of being hit in the leg or stomach with that, just by how strong he could swing it. A sharp blade would only make it worse.

Dull Rock took the weapon gingerly. It was only slightly taller than her and did look extremely light. When she began to experiment with it, copying the wide sweeps the head guard demonstrated, it didn't look as refined but there was a surprising amount of control for someone who'd never picked up a spear before.

"Alright," she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. Her hands ran down the length, gently touching the curved tip. "I'll bite. Where do I start?"

"Perfect!" the head guard clapped once. "Now, the first stance is like this…"

The larger man strode over, taking the scroll with him. "Oniyuri! What do you feel about hitting people over the head with a stick?"

"No blades, right?" there was a tone of concern in her voice. She glanced once over to Dull Rock, imagining a proper naginata.

The man shook his head and beamed. "Just a stick! Boujutsu fits your dancing background."

"I'll give it a shot!" she said confidently, hopping up. Deidara watched her and the young man go through some stances with a plain stick from the scroll. From his place, he could see that the beginner stances for the naginata and bo were extremely similar, but that was expected for the stick shape.

Soon Deidara grew bored. He tried to entertain himself by observing the surroundings but there was a reason why Dull Rock was so quick to invite the Suisei members over. Watch was incredibly tedious.

"Alright, for you…"

Deidara turned to see the young man consider him with an assessing gaze.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait," Deidara hopped up, waving his hands. "I've already got a specialised weapon; I don't need your help."

"Ah, you're a part of the Bomb Squad, I see," the man nodded in thought. "Well, then we don't have to worry about that then! I can still teach you something though – I wasn't ANBU for nothing!"

Deidara groaned, dragging a hand down his face. There wasn't any way he was going to get out of this.

At least this man would have some skills, not just experience, unlike Dull Rock.

It might be painful, but he could learn something from this man.

"You have nicknames for everyone, right? Call me Rose." He beamed.

"Whatever, Ro-zu." He muttered, but carefully listened to whatever he had to say.


Deidara was trying to entertain himself while the Suisei clan slowly greeted the new day. He felt awful and sore, the stupid training by Rozu running him haggard not only physically but mentally as well.

He slumped over a medium-sized rock set in the earth, allowing himself to let go for a few seconds.

"Good morning,"

Deidara sat up straight, eyes wide as he observed the brat's mother calmly set up a small kitchen around the small campfire she'd let die overnight.

"Fuck," he breathed, but quickly composed himself and resumed his usual scowl. "What do you want?"

"Have you eaten?" she inquired instead.

"Duh."

She busied herself with light it on fire for a few moments. However, the past few days had been getting chiller, and in the crisp morning, her flint just wasn't working. Rolling his eyes, Deidara snapped his fingers and called upon a spark of fire nature chakra - the kindling lit up, the thicker logs quickly catching on.

"Thank you, Deidara-san." the mother nodded and placed a small metal rack over the heart of the flames. A pot of water soon followed. "I'd like to thank you also for taking care of Oniyuri while we're in Stone."

"It's not like I have-"

"I know you don't have a choice, but she was so devastated when I told her that no ninja lessons could be held." she smiled at Deidara. It was… sincere. "Ergo, thank you."

Deidara found that his eyes were securely on the fire. "Whatever."

She cooked in silence for a while, although Deidara was wary that the conversation wasn't over yet. True to his suspicions, once there was a break in preparation, the brat's mother spoke again.

"Tell me about Iwa."

Deidara eyed her.

"I'm curious about other countries, and I've never spoken to an Iwa ninja before." Did she ever stop smiling? Damn, her cheeks must hurt.

"Rocky." he began. She didn't urge him to continue but she didn't pick up the pot from the fire. What could he talk about? "Well… Iwa's separated into two districts. The lower area is for everyone - further up the mountain can only be accessed by Iwa ninjas. It's got all our important buildings and training grounds there." That was common knowledge among all ninjas, he could share it with a civvie from a wandering clan.

"Which one do you like better?"

"The Upper Sect, of course," he scoffed, "It has an amazing view, being on top of the mountain. And civilians are so boring. I'm glad I'm no longer one."

"I see," the mother shifted her legs to lean forward to lay a hand on the pot. "How about life?"

"Life?"

"Your culture? Are the buildings shaped a certain way? Do you have a certain custom you always follow? What does a foreigner do that makes you think 'that's not how we do it in Iwa'?"

Deidara thought about the early sunrises, watching the bright rays lighting up the Upper Sect with golden paint. He thought about the smooth rock face that separates the Lower Valley from the Upper Sect, the tall narrow buildings climbing higher than the mountain's peak. His orphanage, built onto the side of the valley and almost never lit by sunlight because of the other buildings clinging to precious surface area, covering every window.

"In the Lower Valley, all the buildings are either carved from caves or built attached to the side of the cliff. There are rope bridges for the civilians but it takes forever to go anywhere so most ninjas just jump."

He was trying to think of something else to say when an old memory crept upon him out of nowhere.

"I guess… one piece of culture is our nicknames?" he could barely recall his academy professor deeming another kid in the class Nezumi-chan because of how quiet she was. As far as Deidara knew, she was still called that. "Everyone has their own nickname for everyone else."

"That's interesting! What are yours?"

Her question drew him out of his memories. He snorted. "The only thing I've been called is wuss and girly." She sat up straight at his words, frowning.

The brat stumbled out of the tent, almost running into the crackling fire. Her mother's hand darted out to catch her, but only barely.

"Oof," the brat coughed, then brightened when she saw the food before her mother. "Brekkie!"

Deidara sighed but let them eat breakfast. There was literally no way Oniyuri had exited the tent right as he dropped that bombshell, but he was getting a little cranky and could turn a blind eye this time.

Just once.