Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those who take the time to review! I love reading your thoughts. You're all so kind, and your words truly motivate me! We're probably two thirds the way done with our story, and I think about what's next? Since the beginning, I've wanted to write the same story with Edward's POV, maybe some Jasper and Alice POVs too? If you'd be interested in reading that, let me know!
The end of school year brings easy summer days filled with blow-pop sticky smiles, starburst pink cheeks, and evening bonfires.
Edward goes away for a week to the Seattle Elite Basketball Camp again this year. He talks to scout after scout, making his name more known than it already is. A few plan on attending his games this year. As a junior, this is big, or so he tells me.
"He said I could make it. He said I could go to the big leagues, Bella," excitement whispers over the phone on the night before his tournament.
"I tell you that all the time," I say between yawns. It's nearing midnight and we have to leave in six hours to pick him up.
"I know, but this guys the shit. He's the guy." His smile through the phone warms my blood to soft honey.
"I love you and I can't wait to see you," I whisper.
"Tomorrow is for you. I'm playing for you, baby."
~!~
Jasper's in the backseat, slumped down, snoozing almost the entire ride to Seattle. His hand supports his head and blonde waves fall in his eyes. Peaceful slumber finds him and only him.
Alice shares her earbuds with me, and we listen to old rock and new pop. Alice feigns death when I don't skip Selena Gomez's new single.
"Jake likes this song, too," she says with an eyeroll.
"Not surprised," I laugh.
The rest of the trip drags, especially when Jas wakes up and Al no longer wants to talk about how much Jake loves Selena Gomez and Phoebe from Friends. I give her the other earbud claiming it was hurting my ear, and then lean against the door to play on my phone.
I send the seventh good luck text to my boy before putting my phone away and closing my eyes.
I let the thought of NBA Edward lull me to sleep. I wonder if he'll choose number 17 for his jersey in college, too. We're suddenly parking and my phone vibrates in the cupholder of the door.
I'm going to kiss your pouty, pink lips tonight, Pretty.
~!~
I'm between my best girl and Jas. The three of us stand and cheer and scream "CUL-LEN, CUL-LEN" every time he has the ball and even when he doesn't. His team made it to the end, so we've been here all day.
This is it. Everything he's been waiting for. It'll be too late to be noticed next year, so Edward has to play the best he's ever played now, and boy is he ever. I watch the way his white jersey bounces as he runs while dribbling, the effortless way his feet propel into the air to shoot, his unpretentiousness as he makes basket after basket, and the smile on his face when he finally sees me in the sea of people. He pushes back sweat and heat and excitement with the towel someone throws at him.
His biceps look like rollercoaster. I know he's been going to the gym at school for a while now, but the lights in the gym and the sweat dripping down really accentuates his new muscles. I first noticed on Saint Patrick's day at school when the green polo he donned stretched over his chest and arms. I also noticed that I wasn't the only one who noticed, either. I heard Jessica Stanley and her gaggle of bitches comment as they walked past my locker, "what I wouldn't give to have Edward hold me down and fuck the literal stupid out of me."
Alice also heard as she scoffs and yells, "that would take a whole lot of fucking, dumbass."
There's a fifteen-minute half time where Alice all but runs to the bathroom. I tell her she'll never make it back in time, but with the speed she's running, maybe she will.
Mrs. Cullen taps my shoulder and moves down to where Alice was just sitting.
"I know we haven't really talked about you and Edward, Bella, but I want you to know that I love you like my own daughter. You're so good for all of our children. I'd like to talk more about this maybe one day when Alice is out of the house." Mrs. Cullen is white-bleached teeth and perfect skin as she rubs her thumb over my knuckles in acceptance.
I nod simply and smile nervously. Sudden emotion hits me like the balls bouncing on the floor. My eyes swell with tears. It's been four months since Mr. Cullen saw us, and no one's brought it up since.
This is the last place I want to do this, but with trepidation I tell Mrs. Cullen, "she's going to hate me."
Mrs. Cullen offers a very small, very understanding smile. She cups my face in Japanese-Cherry-Blossom scented, dainty hands and shakes her head. "Alice is very bull headed, but she could never hate you, Bella."
I want to ask her how she knows, but the buzzer sounds, and Edward's back on the floor. Thirteen minutes later, Alice plops down next to me in the very spot her mom snuck down to.
"Jesus, women are so freaking slow in the bathroom," she announces with irritation.
I force a laugh, but my insides are churning, and my goosebumps are so hard they hurt.
"It's freezing in here," I say.
"You're wearing a tank top! Of course you're cold," Alice teases, wrapping her arms around me.
Mr. Cullen must notice as he hands me a hoodie out of the duffle next to him. "We brought this for Edward to change into after the game. I don't think he'd mind if you wore it now, honey."
Thankful for the warmth, I toss it over my slick straight hair and eyelet tank. I breathe in deeply. Soap and cinnamon and number 17. Warm nights under blankets and hidden notes in my locker. Kissing on the log in the woods and the way he says my name when he comes. Edward warms me inside and out.
His team wins by a landslide, but we still storm the court at the sound of the last buzzer. Edward shakes the hands of every teammate, his coach, and a dozen scouts. I stand back, still wrapped in his warmth, watching in awe as he, his dad, and the scout discuss the possibility of a full ride scholarship to University of Washington.
"I'll be in touch with your coach," Jason, the scout, says. He shakes the hand of every member of his family.
"When we talked a few days ago, you only mentioned one sister?" Jason says, shaking my hand.
"She's not my sister," Edward offers with a smile. "This is Bella."
This year, there is no "my sister's best friend".
I am simply Bella.
My smile is wide and genuine. Jason looks from my eyes to the soft expression of my lips to Edward's sweatshirt wrapped around me.
But before Jason can put the pieces together, Alice butts in with, "she's my friend," and then Jason nods in semi-comprehension.
After the scout takes off, Mr. Cullen pulls Edward into a tight hug. They stay like that for some time and I watch as Edward nods every now and then. His eyes are all blue and wonderous. Whatever his dad says turns beautiful, deep eyes into glassy marbles. I pull my phone out and take a picture, memorializing this moment in Edward's life. Mrs. Cullen next to me cries soft tears and profound love, excitement, and honor.
"I'm so proud of you, Edward," she beams. Edward picks her up and hugs her tight. His lips plant onto her cheek and he sets her down. They share soft words, and I look away briefly not wanting to intrude.
Jasper and Edward offer each other a bro hug. Jasper says, "you did it, dude."
Edward nods. "With your help," he adds.
His eyes are on me like he's saving the best for last.
Alice's tear stained cheek reflects off the harsh lights. "Punk," she jokes, punching him in the arm. Edward grabs her and hugs her. He kisses her cheek and whispers something only the two of them are meant to hear. Alice flicks her eyes to Jasper and nods.
Edward puts her down and catches my stare. He walks right over to me and hugs me. This is for Alice. Later, when she's not looking, we'll welcome each other better, different, deeper with soft hands and wet lips and welcoming sighs.
"Beautiful Bella, Pretty Girl," he whispers. "I like you in my sweatshirt," he teases softly before pulling the hood over my eyes, pulling the drawstrings, and putting distance between us. My giggle isn't forced, and Alice helps loosen the hood. She's rolling her eyes, but the smirk on her lips is playful.
On the way to the car, Al and Edward walk ahead of me and Jasper. They're talking about Jake's junky truck and old Metallica songs.
"You doin' okay?" I ask Jas.
He throws an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his chest. "Yeah, I think so," he admits. An honest smile decorates his face and that one dimple shows.
"I'm really proud of you," I tell him.
He doesn't ask why because he already knows. Jas nods and shrugs.
"I'm really proud of you, too," he tells me.
I bark a laugh. "Why are you proud of me?"
Jas drops his hand from my shoulder to touch the sensitive skin of my wrist. "Edward's my guy, B. No, it's deeper than that," he says, "Edward's the first family I ever knew. He showed me life without struggle before I found my own. He showed me chances and hope and honesty before I ruined that shit." Jas pauses now and I want to disagree but I can't.
He takes another breath before beginning slower this time. "You are for him what Alice couldn't be for me. Not back then, anyways. You're his light, Bella."
I scoff and roll my eyes. "Yeah, ok."
Jas's eyes are on mine and this time they're determined, hard, convincing. "Do you know how many times he was offered the same shit as me? Hundreds. Do you know how many times he said yes? Zero."
"He didn't say no because of me, Jas."
"It was, B," softness says simply. "Riley would say "wanna get in on this?" and Edward would say the same thing every single time: "nah man, my girl will kill me" and that's it B. That's all."
I take a moment to absorb what Jas tells. For years I wondered what it was like for them, for him, for Jas. I wondered not only why Jasper said yes, but also why Edward said no. Now that I know, I have a million questions, but I only ask one.
"Why didn't you say that about Alice?"
His response is quick like he's spent months, years thinking about it.
"Alice couldn't be my light because I wouldn't let her. Because our relationship was never yours and Edward's. She enabled me. We were toxic. I was toxic. Our relationship, what I put us through, was too mature for us then. We were fifteen going on twenty-five, Bella. I went from a house where I never heard the word love to a home that said the word seven thousand times a day. I wasn't worthy, I'm probably still not, but I believe now that I deserve at least a little bit of what the Cullen's so graciously give."
I think about it on the way back to the car. Alice enabled him and he didn't stop her. I never thought about it, but I guess I was preoccupied keeping my own secrets from her.
I run to catch up with him. "You are," I tell him, "You're deserving, Jasper. You deserve all the gentleness, all the softness, all the warmth and love that we give. You deserve an incredible life with kindness. You deserve hope, Jasper."
He stops me suddenly and stares so deeply into me that tears well. The only thing I can think of his how crushed I'm going to be when he denies my words.
Instead, Jas pulls me in. He envelopes my body with strong arms and a strong resolve and then his dimple winks at me as he laughs in my ear and kisses my cheek. My arm wraps around his waist and together we're enmeshed in honesty and wholehearted, platonic love and a moment we'll look back on forever and cherish. When Jasper's shaggy hair tickles my cheek I ask, "please let me cut your hair?"
And he says, "maybe."
~!~
It's the last day of June, and my skin is warmed-from-summer-sun red. Al, Rose, and I lay out in Alice's front yard as some of the boys from the team play ball in their driveway. Edward yells about a foul and Jas laughs at Jake when he teases Sam about his neon pink and yellow shoes. Irritated with the taunting, Sam bounces the ball and steps up to Jake.
"Watch it!" Rose yells as the ball bounces over, spilling her lemonade.
"Sorry, babe," Sam calls, grabbing the ball from Rose. "Tell them these shoes are stylish."
Rose glances at the shoes once before looking at Sam and saying, "no."
Jake, Jas, and Edward snicker like boys in middle school.
Sam and Rose have been fighting much, much more frequently. It's like her and Emmett all over again, but Sam isn't as charming or dopey as Em, so he's much less forgivable. To be honest, I kind of miss Emmett. He doesn't come around as much since he and Rose broke up last year.
"Let's walk up to the courts," Edward offers. "There's no room here and we're in the sun-bathers' way."
"Wait, I want to come," Al says.
"Me, too," I add.
"Well, I guess so do I," Rose says less enthusiastically.
I change into jeans shorts and a flowy, white floral tank and meet the girls in the kitchen. My hair is in braids, and I'm wearing a pair of sunnies Edward bought me a while ago. Alice grabs a few bottles of water and throws a hat over her head.
"Hey, Al, do you have another hat I can wear?" I ask. The sun is pretty hot today, and I don't really want to burn my scalp.
"This is my only one, B, sorry," she says apologetically.
The boys walk down the steps and Edward takes the hat from his head and places it on mine. It's soft and warm like fresh baked cookies.
"I have another in my car," Edward offers, and then he's gone.
It's basketball-sweaty and so him. I adjust it in the back and pull it down with a smile.
Al, Rose, and I are a few feet behind the boys when my dad drives by. He slows and stops, and so do I.
"Hey, kiddo," dad says. "Where are you girls off to?"
"We're going to the courts up the street," I offer.
Dad looks back at the boys who have stopped also. Dad nods. "Do you guys want a ride? It's pretty hot out."
The boys, even Edward, excitedly say yes, but I shake my head. "Thanks, but no thanks, dad. Your cruiser only sits four."
Dad nods again before glancing at the hat on my head. "Alright, see you at home."
We make it to the courts within 10 minutes. The boys finish their game as we lay out on the grass.
Alice and Rose talk about Sam and Jake and I feel only a little left out.
"He refuses to shave his junk," Rose tells us in disgust. "So I told him I'm not going down on him again until he does."
"Gross," Al offers. "Jake isn't totally bare, but I'm not getting his pubes stuck in my teeth."
I giggle loudly. How absurd. Edward is always shaved and smooth down there, and I wish I could chime in.
"And his dick is much smaller than I'm used to," Rose adds.
"You mean smaller than Em's?" Alice scoffs. "From what I hear, everyone's is!"
Rose nods with a smirk. "Yeah, true."
"Jake's smaller than…" Alice trails off softly unable to say Jasper's name. I've never heard her compare the two in a positive tone.
"Small or smaller?" Rose quips.
"Like, kind of both? Let's just say I can deep throat without choking."
I lean back on my elbows and giggle. "I'm picturing it," I tell her, laughing harder. "And I'm picturing your face all confused like 'how is this happening'?"
Rose laughs and Alice play smacks my belly. "I didn't say I didn't like it!"
And now we're all keeled over in laughter and softness and girl-talk-secrets.
After a while, and many strange looks from the boys, we change the subject to our plans for the Fourth and how Alice is going to beat the fuck out of Bree if she shows up to La Push.
"Why?" Rose asks what I can't.
"Because I hate that little slut."
"I do too, but you haven't been with Jasper in, like, forever, so what's the deal?" Rose challenges.
Alice takes a moment to think and then shrugs. "I mean, of all the bitches he could get with, he chooses her?"
"All the shit I did for him. All the shit my family does for him and he pulls that?" Hurt laces Alice's words. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her hat covered head. My girl tries so hard to be hard.
I watch Edward behind my sunnies as he makes a call and taps out a message on his phone before slipping it in his shorts.
Hi Pretty-Lips. You'll have to fill me in on the subject of your giggle session later.
I smile and croon and heat inside. My heart flutters and my eyes sing love. Then, I think about the size of his dick and the way he looks between my legs, making me come, and I have to squeeze my thighs together.
Alice suggests we head over to the shade of the maple tree. We're closer to the boys, so I don't argue. My back is against the tree, and I'm texting him back Hi good-lookin'. Giggling about the size of everyone's dick on the team when more guys from the team show up.
My dick is no laughing matter. Do I need to show you again? He flirts.
Yes, please I type back.
My eyes zero in on him as he walks away, his back to his team, as he adjusts himself in his shorts. I've come to know, after hanging around a bunch of guys, that this, grabbing themselves over their shorts, is an action that occurs very, very frequently. But when Edward does it? I almost come.
I don't know whose idea it is to do shirts vs. skins, but boy am I glad Edward decides to be a skin. His chest is summer-time golden and the muscles under his skin show more now that he's taken up running 4 times a week, a suggestion from his coach to keep in shape during the off-season.
I clear my throat every now and again to stop from whimpering or moaning or full out grunting when Edward twists and turns his torso, stretches his torso when he jumps to shoot, or bends over to catch his breath. God damn, my boyfriend is seriously one sexy piece of ass.
It's at this exact moment, during this exact thought, when Paul jumps to block Edward's shot, looses his footing on the way down, and takes Edward with him. They're a mess of bodies as they're being helped up. Paul apologizes and Edward brushes it off as he picks rock out of his triceps and elbow and checks out the road rash on his back.
Jas lends him a hand and when he pulls him up, Edward falls back down with a, "fuck!" and Alice and I are both running over.
"Move!" she yells. "Back the fuck up!" she tells the boys towering over her brother.
I fly under her wing and we're kneeling beside him. Edward's sitting on his bottom, left knee to his chest, and he's testing his ankle for soreness. When he bends or circles it, Edward lets out a hiss.
"What's wrong?" I ask, lifting my glasses to see better.
"Not sure," he says evenly, calmly.
Jas bends down and helps. He carefully removes Edward's shoe and sock and Alice gasps. Edward's foot is puffy and red and the side of his heel is turning angry shades of purple and blue.
"Is your dad at the hospital?" Jas asks.
"Yeah," Alice answers. "Why?"
"His ankle," Jas answers.
Edward brushes everyone off and uses Jasper's shoulder to leverage himself up. We all stand and when Edward goes to walk, he doubles over and stumbles to me. I reach out to catch him but Jasper's quicker.
"Fuck!" Edward yells. "Someone go get my fucking car!"
"I'll call an ambulance!" Alice says, pulling out her phone.
"No!" Edward says.
My phone's in my hand and I'm dialing the next best thing as Alice and her brother argue.
"I called my dad," I announce to two siblings escalating in tone. "He'll take us to the hospital. Alice, can you call your dad?" I say, but she's yelling over me. "Alice?" I say louder. Still no recognition. "Alice!" I yell this time.
"What?" she yells back.
"I got it, B," Jas says, dialing Mr. Cullen.
I fill them in while Jas does so, and Edward puts his arm around Jake and Jas for support as my dad pulls up to the curb. Al and Jas hop in the back with Edward and I take the front seat.
"Broken?" he asks grimly, glancing in the back.
My heart beat skips. Dad says what we're all thinking but too scared to ask. Fear seeps into my veins as I realize what this would mean for Edward and basketball.
"Not broken," Jas responds calmly. "Sprained maybe. The heel and ankle are swollen. The sides are bruising, but Edward's not screaming in pain when I move it around."
"Well it doesn't fucking feel good, dick," Edward says, irritated.
I hold my breath. My boyfriend just said "fucking" and "dick" in my dad's cruiser. I take a glance to my left, but dad does nothing.
"Does this hurt?" Jas asks, putting pressure on different parts of Edward's shin, ankle, and foot.
Edward hisses or shakes his head no in response. When I look back, Alice is crying and Edward's eyes are closed. Cool, calm, and collected, Jasper handles the situation. I turn around and find dad watching Jasper intently through the rear-view.
When we get to the emergency room, Mr. Cullen is waiting for us with a wheel chair.
Edward thanks my dad and I kiss his cheek. Dad expects me to stay in the car, but these are my best friends. Of course I'm going with them.
Having your dad work at the hospital certainly has advantages. Edward's in a room, x-rays taken within minutes of arriving, and juice and crackers offered to all of us. Mr. Cullen's gone for a while and when he comes back, there's a little more pep in his step.
"This is your ankle, son," he starts, "no visible broken bones."
Everyone lets go of their anxiety and worry in one big breath.
"We have three ligaments on the outside of our ankle. Two of yours are very stretched. Don't worry just yet," his dad explains, watching the nervousness etch over his face. "With physical therapy, it will heal in a few weeks. Crutches and bed rest until then, Edward. No running. No basketball. No funny business."
I exhale a bated breath. Alice excuses herself to go fill Jake in. The second the door shuts, Jas stands in front of it allowing us a small moment of privacy.
"Oh my god," I whisper into his hair. He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in. I run my sunblock-and-sweat sticky fingers through his hat hair and hug him to me tighter, harder.
"No ball all summer, B," he says woefully.
I kiss him on the head and then warmed cheeks and then swollen lips before placing one soft, gentle kiss right on the blackest part of his ankle.
He smiles tenderly. My heart flies into my belly and my fingertips swell with itchy tingles. The gentlest look and softest smirk of his lips set me ablaze in this chilled triage room.
I return to the chair in the corner of the room just as Alice opens the door.
"The fuck, Jasper? What are you, a bodyguard? Move out of the fucking way," Alice demands long after Jasper steps aside. "Jake's stopping at the diner. What's everyone want?" Al puts him on speaker so everyone can deliver their orders.
"Burger and fries. Mayo. No tomato. Extra ranch," I say quickly, realizing just how hungry I am.
"I'll have the same. Extra pickles," Edward says through a yawn.
Alice shakes her head and turns to Jasper who's typing away on his phone. Alice rolls her eyes. "What do you want?"
"I'm good," he says with a nod.
She rolls her eyes again and tells Jake, "he'll have a club sandwich with extra lettuce."
I smile softly at Alice's attempt to include him finally. Jasper is blank but I can almost feel the swell of his heart in this small room. The turning point has happened. It's not forgiveness, but it's letting go.
Twenty minutes later, Mr. Cullen gets Edward ready to go home with ice packs, instructions on how and when to ice and use heat, and a pair of crutches that takes him no time at all to master.
Mrs. Cullen arrives to take us all home. She has tears in her eyes and flowers in her hand.
"Mom," Edward shakes his head. "You didn't have to bring me flowers. It's just a sprain." His lips are curved and he's holding back laughter as Mrs. Cullen glues herself to his chest.
We're in the car, Edward in the front, chair moved all the way back. My legs are shortest, so I offer to sit behind him.
"You have enough room, B?" Edward asks.
"Yeah, I'm good," I whisper.
We arrive home and eat lunch quietly at the dining room table. Edward looks exhausted so I suggest a movie on the couch in the upstairs living room that no one uses. It's nearing two in the afternoon, and my lids grow heavy from too much sun and emotional turmoil.
Alice and Jake take the love seat. Cuddled under blankets and pillows, they disappear in their cocoon for the movie. Edward and Jasper recline on either side of me as we watch the remake of Jumanji. Edward's out in minutes, tiny snores reverberate next to me. Jas looks like he's struggling to stay awake, but his eyes are on the TV and not the love seat to his right. I'm sitting in the middle of my two boys, eyes rolling, and when I finally fall under, feet on Jasper's lap, head on Edward's shoulder, I've never felt more comfortable.
Time passes as I snooze on Edward's arm. I open my eyes slowly, sleepily, and find Alice looking directly at us.
"What time is it?" I ask, stretching my torso onto Edward who, in his slumber, turned his body to accept my back more openly, so I'm all but laying on his chest.
"Just after five," Alice answers. "Jake had to leave. You look… comfortable," worry and reservation lace her tone.
I'm mid-stretch when understanding hits me. I shoot off of Edward and retract my legs from Jasper. What this must look like to my boyfriend's sister doesn't bode well for me.
"There wasn't a lot of room," I start but trail off. Should I just tell her? Is this it? I'm so tired of the game. I'm exhausted hiding this secret. I want to take a nap on my boyfriend if I want. I want to hold his hand in the hallways. I want to kiss him at the lunch table. I want to go for rides afterschool on Wednesdays to the diner if I want!
I take a deep breath to calm nerves that stand up electrified under my skin. "Alice, I've been—"
And then three loud knocks on the door interrupt.
"I'll get it," Al says, throwing off the blankets and dashing for the door.
"You were going to tell her," Jas says softly, hand on my thigh.
"I'm just so tired," I tell Jas. Tears sting my eyes and I'm about to just break down, but then I hear a very gruff, very familiar voice, and I'm off the couch that sits my boyfriend and his best friend.
"His ankle is sprained pretty bad. My dad says with physical therapy, it'll be ok," Alice says.
"Good, I'm glad his basketball career won't be ruined then," the voice says. It's getting closer as they walk the hall from the front door to the living room.
"I hope it's okay we stop by, Alice. I tried calling Bella, but she didn't answer."
"Totally fine," my best friend answers, rounding the corner with my parents in tow. "Bella and I put on a movie after Edward dozed off and then we fell asleep." Alice looks right at me with a smile and I know she knows. She might not know everything, how could she? But she knows something. An inkling. A drop of what we are. The tip of the iceberg that grew out of the deepest part of the ocean.
My heart beats like that one time I was forced to run the mile at school. Faster and faster it beats, but my breaths are even. I'm ready to tell, but then I see my mom's smiling face, and I'm back to square one.
I apologize to my parents who return soft smiles.
"It was a hectic day," dad excuses.
"We understand," mom assures.
Mrs. Cullen walks down the steps and greets my parents. By this time, Edward's eyes open slowly and he yawns and stretches and sits up slowly. Alice and Jasper help him up and I hand him his crutches. He hunches over to maneuver around and his face is almost even with mine.
"Thanks, B," sleepiness says with a lick of his lips. His blue-greens swim in exhaustion but his smile is noon-time summer-sun warm. Disheveled hair sticks in every direction, and I have to squeeze my fingers closed to stop from running through it.
"Esme, I wasn't sure if you had made dinner with all that happened today, so I made a lasagna."
"Smells awesome," Edward says, looking from me to my mom. "Can we eat it?"
Mrs. Cullen smiles, takes the dish, and says, "of course. Renee, Charlie, please stay. Carlisle will be home any minute."
And, so, here we are. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen at the head of the table. Dad, mom, and I on one side, and my best friend, her brother, and her ex on the other.
"Not broken, though?" Dad asks again, taking a huge bite of dinner like he wants this to be over with. He's taken quite the interest in Edward's basketball career since he saw what Edward's capable of last season.
"No," Mr. Cullen says between bites.
"Good, he can still play then. Is that your plan, son, to get a scholarship?"
"I hope so, sir," Edward says through a mouthful.
"Bella tells us you had some scouts interested in you at your camp?"
"Yes, sir," he says again, smiling down at his dinner plate.
My dad nods, eating up this "yes, sir" crap. I smile inwardly and hide behind my hair.
"What about you?" my dad asks nodding toward Jasper. "What's your plan?" His tone is less approving and more accusing.
My head snaps up, and so does Alice's.
"I'm not as sure as Edward is, sir." He's honest, and my dad respects it.
"You ever think about EMT?"
"No, sir," Jas answers honestly, looking right at my dad.
Dad nods slowly. "You should. You stayed very calm today. In control of the situation. You knew exactly what to do."
Jasper shrugs, raking his fork through pasta, sauce, and cheese. "I took care of a lot of injuries when I lived with my parents."
We all nod.
"If you'd like, I can set you up with someone at the hospital. You can shadow for a few hours and see if you're interested?" Mr. Cullen offers.
Jasper nods slowly.
"Thanks for the idea, Charlie," Mr. Cullen says, smiling.
"The station sponsors one applicant a year. We pay for the course and all testing. If you keep yourself clean like you have been, I could pull some strings." Dad doesn't need to say the rest. He's giving Jasper a huge opportunity.
Alice scoffs.
"Alice," Mr. Cullen's stern voice cuts through the tension. "Your disrespect won't be tolerated tonight."
"It's fine. Jake will be here soon." She stands, clears her place, and the nervous, adrenaline-soaked shake of her hand isn't hard to miss. As she walks by, she points directly at Jasper and says, "I asked you for years to stop. Years! Wasn't I enough?" and then the tears come and my heart splinters.
Alice runs out the front door and no one moves.
Mr. Cullen shakes his head and apologizes to my parents who brush it off. Mom tells him I can be moody and Edward laughs like he knows. Dad talks more about basketball with Edward and Mrs. Cullen and my mom talk about the recipe for mom's lasagna. Jasper plays with his food as Mr. Cullen talks about EMT courses.
But nobody moves to check on Alice. No one cares about my girl's feelings. No one but Jasper who's white-knuckling the side of his jeans to stop himself from running after the girl who enabled him, who couldn't be his light when he was in that very dark, very deep tunnel, who chose his friend as a rebound.
I put my fork down, clear my plate, and give Jas my best "I got this" smile as I walk outside to our girl. All of the feelings she's been hiding from him for months and months have overflowed, and she needs me more than he does. His wounds are old, superficial as they heal. Hers are opened and reopened every time she looks at him.
On the porch swing, Alice leans back and watches the ceiling. She doesn't need to look to know it's me. Patting the seat next to her, she invites me over.
I sit with her. Our feet dangle off the edge, and our toes dig into the wood to propel us back and forth. Her hand finds mine in evening-darkness.
"Remember that one time I was bored and asked you to dye my hair blue?" she asks, voice thick with tears.
"Yes. Your dad was so mad." I'm honest and calm in the darkness, not wanting to disturb serene silence.
"Why did you do it?"
"Because it made you happy. Because you asked me to. Because I love you."
"Why didn't he love me enough?" Alice cries softly. "Why didn't he love me as much as you?"
"No one will love you as much as I love you, Alice," I say honestly, evenly, truthfully. Please, please always remember that I want to add but squeeze her hand instead.
Her head falls on my shoulder. "Why did he hurt me over and over? Why couldn't he just let me go?"
I wrap my arm around her. I pull her head down into my lap. She curls on the old wooden swing. Alice's legs are bent as she lays on me. My fingers find her two-day-dirty hair and comb free summer-sun-tangles. She weeps gently and slowly in my lap. Hot tears sting my bare thighs as she feels what's been pressurized down into the core of her heart for way too long.
"Why did you let him hurt you, Alice?"
"I thought he would change. I asked him to change. I asked him so many fucking times! Why wasn't I worth it?"
"You were. You are. It took him awhile to realize it, Al, but you are."
"He didn't change for me, Bella."
"You're right. He didn't change for you, Al, but he's clean because of you. If he changed for you, because you wanted him to, he'd have gone right back to it. He changed for himself, but he's clean because of you. He's clean because you don't enable him anymore. He's clean because it was his choice. He's clean because he loves you."
Alice says nothing, but I can feel her chew on the words I spit out.
"You're my best girl, B," Al says as she sits up slowly. Her tears are gone, but she sniffles every now and again.
I smile at her. "And you're mine."
We spend time swinging, holding hands, and asking each other old questions like "would you rather have no eyelashes or no eyebrows" when my parents walk out onto the front porch.
"See you at home, sweetheart," mom says, kissing both of our cheeks. I wave to my parents as they walk across the yards. I blow dad a kiss before he shuts our front door.
Just then, two headlights turn into Alice's driveway.
"That's Jake. I'll call you tomorrow?" Alice kisses my cheek and waves me off as I nod.
She's one foot off the porch as she turns to me with a trepid foot. "Do you really think he still loves me?"
"I'd bet my life on it," I assure her.
Alice pauses before looking from my house to me. "Your dad looks good with short hair," she teases.
I throw a cushion at her and tell her to get lost as she runs to Jake's truck.
Headlights disappear down the road and I jump off the swing and walk inside to collect my things. I slip my shoes on and grab my phone. Edward's leaning against the island, laughing with Jasper and his dad about something as Mrs. Cullen loads the dishwasher.
Edward's head is thrown back and his infectious laughter spreads to Jasper. I'm smiling before I even know what's funny, and I'm ogling my boyfriend who looks so good in low slung joggers and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. As if he can sense it, Edward turns his head toward me.
"Mom, dad," he starts, holding his hand out, gesturing for me to settle under the heavy weight of his arm. As I do, he says, "I'd like you to meet someone special."
And I'm dying. Fire licks my cheeks and embarrassed tears prick my eyes. "Oh my god," I whisper.
Mr. and Mrs. Cullen nod. "Hi, honey," his mom says with a smile while his dad just looks at us.
Edward's lips kiss my cheek and then my temple and then my hair. "This is my girlfriend, Bella."
Mr. Cullen nods, asking, "this is pretty serious, then?"
Edward nods, never taking his eyes from me. "Yes."
Mrs. Cullen finishes the dishes while asking questions she's been dying to know the answer to. "When? How? Why?"
I sit next to Edward. We're having this conversation after all these years, and I'm not prepared.
"For me, it started on Alice's thirteenth birthday," Edward starts. "Bella wore this super glossy shit on her lips. I couldn't stop thinking about it."
"I wore it for you," I tell him.
"Oh, boy," Mrs. Cullen whisper jokes.
"That same night I told her about everything. I told her about the drugs and what I was like before we moved. She didn't run screaming. She didn't tell her dad. She accepted me. After that, I tried to stay away for months. I didn't want to ruin the friendship she has with Alice. I didn't want to ruin anything else for my sister." Edward rests his lips on my forehead and I can feel parental eyes on us. "And then the night before the fourth of July that year, I just couldn't do it anymore. Ever since then, we just were what we are now."
"I'm glad that you two have found something special in each other," Mr. Cullen starts with a small smile. "Are you being safe?"
My eyes all but pop right out of my head.
"Dad," Edward tries explaining.
"I'll bring home some condoms from the clinic. I know sometimes it can be embarrassing buying them at the pharmacy."
"Dad, we—"
"It's okay, son. I was a teenager once. I get it. With your past, I want you and Bella to be as safe as you can be."
"No, dad, we don't—"
"No need to explain," Mr. Cullen says, shaking his head.
"We're not having sex!" I yell.
Everyone's quiet, taken aback from not just my tone of voice but what I said.
"You're not…" Mr. Cullen looks confused as he looks between me and Edward.
"I mean, not yet anyways," I finish. "I'm also on… you know…"
"Birth control?" my boyfriend's dad finishes for me.
"Yes."
"You are?" Edward asks.
I nod. Warmth spreads all over. I've been on the pill since Alice's birthday.
"I'm dying," I told Alice one weekend in March. "My ovaries are trying to kill me."
I'm crying as she hands me Midol. "You need to tell your mom to put you on the pill."
And that's exactly what I did. At first, mom said no, but then she noticed I've missed six days of school this year just because of horrible cramps and she agreed to talk to the doctor who suggested the pill.
"Because of the cramps?" Edward asks, nodding his head. He knows just as well as Alice about my painful periods. One time they were so bad when I was laying in his bed that he told me I needed to orgasm.
"What?" I ask, irritated. "That's the last thing I'm thinking about, Edward." Aggravated that he'd actually think I wanted to do that right now knowing how much pain I'm in, I roll my eyes and shoot daggers at him.
"It will help," he tells me. My eyes narrow when he throws his hands up in surrender. "If you don't want me to do it, you can. Just try it, Bella. I hate seeing you like this."
So, I let him. At first it was weird. I insisted on changing my tampon first, but then he got to work and when I finished, my ovaries throbbed less and less until I fell asleep blissful and sated and much less crampy.
Mr. Cullen then goes into discussion about the percentage of effectiveness of the pill and the condom separately and then used together. I can't believe my boyfriend's dad is lecturing me about safe sex practices.
"Okay, honey, I think they get it," Mrs. Cullen says, hand on his shoulder, after reading the expression of the three teens in front of her.
Mr. Cullen lets us go, and I dash down to the basement, forgetting my crippled boyfriend. Jasper helps him down the short flight of stairs, and we relax on the couch in the basement. Jas flicks the lights off, and I curl into Edward's side. He takes my chin, lifts it up, and kisses my lips so delicately.
Jas excuses himself to the bathroom.
"You're really on the pill?" he asks, mischief in his voice.
I nod. Edward groans and takes the hand I have resting on his chest and slides it to his crotch. He's half hard under my hand and when I grip, he throws a blanket over us.
"I want you," he tells me desperately, kissing my lips then my chin and down onto my neck. "I want to be inside you," he tells me over and over. "I want to feel your pussy from the inside. I want to watch my cock stretch your pink pussy open." Edward rarely says these words so graphically to me, and I'm half hoping Jasper will give us some alone time so I can see how far we can get tonight.
I rub over his pants, hot and hard, and slip my hand inside his joggers. He bites my neck and I maneuver, offering him more of the delicate skin under my ear.
"Edward." My whisper is desperate. We haven't had alone time since before he left on his trip, and I'm definitely feeling the effects right now. He grunts a response on my neck and his hand unbuttons my shorts. "Edward," I moan anxiously when his fingers find me over my undies.
"Spread your legs. We have to be quick," he tells me, and I oblige. He rubs tight circles over already soaked cotton.
"Under," I urge. "Inside."
When he does, I open my eyes and watch him watch my mouth. Two fingers sink fast and hard at a difficult angle, but I'm still wet and horny.
"Shit," I whimper, lulling my head to the side, closing my eyes, allowing the feeling of his fingers on my neediest area work to get me off while his parents are just up the stairs and his friend is in the bathroom. I hope he has one ear tuned to the happenings of the others in the house because right now I can only hear my breathing and his fingers on my very swollen, very wet center. He pushes in and out of me in short, shallow motions, rocking his fingers up and pressing against something strange. I feel the tingle in my belly and when I throw my head back and grab his wrist with my free hand to signal my imminent orgasm, he removes his fingers from me all together.
With a frustrated groan, I open my eyes to find the boy who left me hanging is wiping his fingers on his joggers, eyes glued to the TV.
"Your parents are coming," Jas says, flipping over the back of the couch.
I sit back and heave like I just did 100 sit ups.
"Your tits out, Bella," Jas says, flipping through the channels.
Edward glances down with a smirk as I rearrange my top half, put some distance between me and Edward, and resist the urge to cry. My vagina throbs from the pain of no release.
"Goodnight, kiddos," Mrs. Cullen calls down.
"Night," we say back in unison.
The lights flick on and we all turn to look.
"Lights on when your girlfriend's here, Edward," Mr. Cullen half-jokes, half-tells.
Edward scoffs and Jasper full out laughs.
I wait a few minutes after his parents leave before I ask, "is that what blue balls feels like?"
My boyfriend and his best friend howl.
~!~
"I'm going to grab some food and head off to bed," Jas announces an hour later, handing me the remote, moving past the couch to the stairs. "You okay getting up the steps?" he asks Edward.
"I'll be good," Edward answers as he turns his neck to watch Jasper. The hand he's placed on my knee under the blanket climbs higher and higher before Jasper even makes it to the first step. "Movies tomorrow?" Edward asks, delaying the process. I want to scream, but he's inching his fingers where I need him most. I want him on me, but not when Jasper's here. It's totally gross to have your boyfriend get you off in front of his friend, right?
"Sounds good," Jas says, turning to leave.
Edward's fingers dip into my shorts and then my undies, and he finds wetness and my clit with the pads of his fingers.
I hiss softly and Edward laughs.
"I guess we'll call Sam and Paul," Edward says, rubbing two fingers up and down my slit slowly, teasingly.
"What about Em and Jake?" Jas asks, none the wiser as to what's going on under the blankets.
Slow fingers glide and slide and spread me open. One finger teases my entrance. Then two. Then they slowly glide up my slit to my very swollen, very sensitive clit. Anticipation almost kills me, and by the time he arrives at my clit, I'm literally panting. Jasper is a fool if he doesn't know what's going on right now, and I'm so thankful he can only see the back of my head.
Edward circles my clit and I spread my legs, throwing one over Edward's knee. I breathe evenly through heavy pants, but my eyes are closed. Edward's teasing on purpose. He knows I've been on the cusp since earlier. I'm so close I might just come before Jasper leaves.
Edward speeds up until my legs shake then he slows to almost nothing. This continues on and on as I huff in frustration. I think he finally gets the idea as he circles my clit harder and faster and my hips match his movements as they talk so casually about what movies are out.
"Oh my god," I whisper, grabbing Edward's wrist to signal.
"Jake will probably bring Alice, you okay with that?" Edward asks. His torso is turned so that he can look at Jasper who's behind us on the stairs.
"It's all good," Jas replies.
"Edward," I whisper softly. "I'm going to…" I try and move my hips, but Edward's fingers follow. I'm right on the edge and the more he circles, the more pressure builds in my belly.
"Do you want to come, Isabella?" Edward asks, looking right at me. His eyes are dark and telling. His question holds two meanings.
"Yes," I tell him. "I want to come." My voice is shaky and soft. The bastard smirks and presses harder, tighter, slower circles on my clit.
I reach over and into Edward's joggers. He's hard and ready and I stroke him, teasing him back. Edward clears his throat.
"Should we invite Rose?" I ask. My voice wavers.
"Sure," Jas says. "We'll just invite the whole gang."
"Okay," Edward grunts as I grip tighter.
"Shit," I breathe as Edward goes faster. "I'm coming," I whisper gently.
"Hit the lights, Jas," Edward says, leaning over and kissing my lips, absorbing my whimpers and groans and I come undone under his lips before the lights are even off.
I grunt and shake and press myself on his fingers as I spasm. He drinks me in and drinks me down and I hear Jas say "gross pervs" at the top of the steps.
I sigh after my come down, and break apart from his lips.
"oh my god," I whisper, leaning back against the cushions.
"Feels good, right?"
"Yes," I whimper.
"It's called edging," Edward whispers. Jasper's in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards. He's still gently rubbing my clit, up and down with the softest of touches. My legs twitch and he stops before starting again. "It's when you're about to come and then you stop and you try and do it as many times as you can before you feel like you might explode."
"What's the point?" I ask.
"Makes your orgasm ten times more intense," Edward whispers against my throat.
I maneuver us up and back and kneel between my boyfriend's legs, being careful of his ankle. I pull Edward's erection from his pants and taste him. I've done this a few times since he first let me, and putting more and more of him in my mouth gets a little easier each time. Tonight, with Jasper in the kitchen, I take the majority of him in my mouth before gagging.
"Jesus," Edward tells me, his fist in my hair. I watch him watch me kiss the head and lick his shaft. I'm much more confident now, and I think Edward likes it. I've also noticed Edward loves to talk dirty. Tonight he repeatedly whispers, "suck my cock, baby," and that's exactly what I do.
He grunts a strangled, "I'm gonna…" before I pull off.
He wants to tease me? He's going to get a taste of his own medicine.
Once he knows what I'm doing, Edward leans back, puts one hand on the back of the couch, and the other on my head.
"Fuck yeah, baby," he moans into the dark. "I've fantasized about this for so long."
"What?" I ask, kissing the base of his cock while working my hand over the rest.
"You sucking my dick for hours."
I don't do it for hours, but I bring him to the edge a few times before I finally let him come in my mouth. His hips jut his dick so far down my throat his come makes me choke. I pull back immediately causing most of his load to land on my neck and face.
Edward coughs and relaxes and the look on his face is nothing but horny.
"Holy fucking hell," he grunts, milking his cock. I watch him jerk himself and lean down to lick the head.
I giggle at his grunt and walk the few feet to the bathroom to clean up.
We lay together for a few minutes more. My head lulls on his shoulder, his arm around mine, and his fingers dance across my chest, grazing my nipple every so often.
He asks me about this summer and what cute bathing suits I bought. He tells me to wear the pink one with the low back next time we all go swimming at Rose's. He leans down and kisses just under my ear and tells me he likes the way my pussy looks in it. I giggle and tell him I'll keep it in mind.
~!~
The next day at the movies I sit between Rose and Jas. She and Sam had a fight the night before and tells me, "I think it's time," as we wait for the rest of the gang to show up.
"Time for what?" I ask, stuffing handfuls of popcorn in my mouth.
"To break up."
"I miss Em," I tell her honestly because I do. I miss his quirky, raunchiness and the way his eyes light up for Rose.
"Me too," she says gently.
We sit quietly, watching and waiting for the rest of our group to show. Edward leans over Jasper to tease, "you're not going to have any left for the movie, snack baby."
With a mouthful of stale, buttery popcorn, I pick up the Reese's Pieces box from the cup holder, shake it loudly, and stammer, "that's what these are for!"
He sits back with a gentle smile and I hear Jas say, "where's your girl put it all?"
Emmett and Paul arrive next and sit in the row behind us.
"Lookin' good ladies," Em says suggestively, but we both blush anyways.
Jas leans over and whispers, "you really let him finger fuck you when I was still in the room, B?"
"He told you?" I choke, leaning over to glance at my guilty boyfriend.
"All morning, but he didn't have to! I have eyes and ears… and a nose…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, taking a sip of my diet root beer.
"Please," he starts, popping a piece of my popcorn between his lips and smiling. "That basement smells like wet pussy and jizz."
Before I can respond, Alice is bouncing up the stairs with a huge popcorn and two boxes of candy.
"Move it," she says to an underclassman from school who takes too long to climb the steps.
"You're so rude," I tease, leaning over to steal her box of sour patch watermelons.
"That kid is so annoying. He was in my gym class last year. Talk about teacher's fucking pet." Alice grabs a huge handful of popcorn and yells over the loud munching, "you break up with Sam yet?"
"Shh!" Rose spits. "No one's supposed to know."
"Oh come on," Al rolls her eyes, putting her feet on the chair in front of her, "everyone knows you and Emmett are, like, destined for each other. I mean, have you seen the way that idiot looks at you?"
Rose sinks lower and I throw a sour candy at her.
"What?" she asks, popping it in her mouth. I gesture with my eyes behind me and she mutters an uncaring, "oh, hey Emmett," before turning back and shrugging.
"Yeah, you're one to talk, Alice," Rose quips.
Al narrows her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Before Rose can answer, Jake walks quickly up the steps.
"Why'd you run off?" he asks her.
"Needed to talk to my girls," she says, looking forward and barely acknowledging him.
Alice sits in the aisle seat, so Jake is forced to sit behind us. Sam joins us just after the previews and Al bumps Rose's arm but I'm not ready to let go of the fact that Alice just totally dismissed Jake.
When I lean forward, Alice whisper-yells, "later!" before I can even form a word.
I turn to Jasper who's sneakily eaten half my popcorn and he offers me his dimple.
The movie is action packed and actually pretty good and when it's over, we clean our mess. I have so many snacks that I can't carry all of them and my drink, so Edward helps.
When he throws away my half-eaten box of Reese's Pieces, I'm genuinely upset.
"Edward, there were still some in there!"
"Like twelve," he justifies.
"Way more than that. I was going to save them for the ride home!" I cross my arms as he bites back a laugh.
"You dick," Al says.
"Come on," he throws a friendly arm over my shoulder. "I'll buy you a milkshake at the diner."
"Fine," I go reluctantly. "An extra large one!"
"Okay."
"Extra thick."
"You got it."
"And fries."
~!~
Sam and Rose decide not to join us and Em and Jake have to take off for work, so it's just the four of us.
I get my milk shake, extra thick, and a side of fries.
"If I ate that, my thighs would blow up," Al says, stealing the pickles from Edward's burger.
"Would not," Jas says over a mouthful of sandwich.
"Would too," she challenges.
Jas roles his eyes. "Okay."
"Do you think my thighs are too fat?" I ask, finishing the last of my milk shake.
"No," my best girl and best guy say at the same time.
"What do you think Jas?" I ask, glancing down at the soft skin of my thighs. They have gotten jigglier, and when it's really hot, they rub and give me a rash. Rose says it happens to her too though, so I didn't think too much of it.
"I think you have a very beautiful, curvy figure."
"Curvy?" I spit.
"Tits and ass!" Al laughs.
"So I'm fat?" I ask.
"No," Jas says genuinely. "You're beautiful."
I push the half eaten plate of fries away from me.
"You're not fat, Bella," Edward tells me sternly. When I look at him, his eyes are fierce and final. "Your ass is incredible, and your waist is tiny."
"He's not wrong," Al agrees. "And he would know," she begins, "he's only slept with half the entire female population."
I giggle at her exaggeration and the fact that my boyfriend loves my ass. He pushes the plate of fries back to me with a wink. Jas kisses my cheek. Al blows me a kiss.
This moment makes my heart double beat and joy exude from every pore in my body. This moment, in this spot, with these people makes me want to stop time and bask in the happiness. Edward is free with his words. Jasper is clean. Alice is letting go.
~!~
Back home, Alice and I sit on the porch swing lazily as Jasper helps Edward inside.
"Jake's really been bugging the shit out of me," she says as soon as the front door shuts behind Jasper.
"What? Why?" I'm taken aback.
"He's just, I don't know, clingier? Always wants to hold my hand. He won't even fool around with his dad in the house anymore. He told me he doesn't want to disrespect me like that anymore." She grows more and more frustrated by the second.
"What did you say to that?"
"I said I don't want to be respected!"
We both laugh and joke around and when she pulls me off the swing and into the downstairs bathroom, she asks me to cut her hair.
"Like the old days!"
"I don't know what I'm doing," I tell her honestly.
"It's just bangs, B, it'll be fine."
"I can't."
"You can. You cut Edward's hair that time."
"Your mom had to take over!"
"You're practically a barber," she jokes, handing me kitchen scissors.
"What if I mess up?"
She crosses her arms, taps her foot, and yells, "JASPER!" loudly.
Jasper walks over to the bathroom, leans against the door jam, and casually asks, "what's up?"
"Let Bella cut your hair."
"Why?"
"So she can practice on you before she does me."
"Alright," he agrees with a shrug.
Alice excitedly grabs a towel, the clippers from upstairs, and the broom. Edward and his crutches loudly make their way over to us. He rests on the edge of the bathtub to watch the show. His eyes linger on my bare legs and Lilac In Love painted toes. He ghosts one finger down the back of my thigh before Alice runs back in.
"Are you cold?" she asks me.
"No, why?"
"Your nips could cut glass."
Edward throws his head back and laughs at his sister's crassness where Jasper shakes his head slowly. He pulls his shirt off leaving both me and Alice literally stunned.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Edward jokes.
"When did this happen?" Alice asks, gesturing to Jasper's toned mid-section and arms.
Long fingers skim over very defined, very hard muscles in a self-conscious way. "I've been hitting the gym with Edward for awhile now."
"When?" Alice pushes.
"Before school. Sometimes after. Keeps my head… clear," he finishes gently.
I smile at his vulnerability. Jasper's eyes are clear and bright as they watch Alice regard him skeptically.
"How short?" I ask, grabbing a brush.
He pulls a thin black hair tie that I recognize as Alice's from his hair. It his pink stripes that are so faded I had to squint to make them out, but they're definitely there and it's definitely Alice's. She must have given it to him forever ago when they were a they. She sees it too and I watch her nostrils flare in revelation.
"Buzz me, Bella," he tells me with a smile.
"Really?" Disbelief laces all six letters.
"Yep." He's sitting back on the closed lid of the toilet.
"You are your hair though. You've never not had long hair."
"It's just hair, B. It'll grow back."
I look to Alice whose eyes are still on that little, black hair tie. I look behind me at Edward whose eyes fixate on my butt. I clear my throat and hazy, troubled blue-greens wink back at me.
"Alright," I tell him, "but please don't be mad if it turns out bad."
Alice steps forward, takes a handful of hair, and snips it off without a second thought. My eyes widen, hers do too, but Jasper breathes evenly, tightening the towel around his shoulders, crossing his arms, laughing with Edward.
"You have this weird bald spot behind your ear," Alice tells him, maneuvering the scissors, snipping hair, and placing it in the garbage.
"A while ago, I fingered this girl in the back of the library—"
"Ew," I scoff.
"—I put my fingers in her for the first time that day. It must have been really good because she came so suddenly. I wasn't prepared. She started making all these noises, her legs started shaking. Her hand was in my hair and I thought she was seizing, so I turned quickly to look at her. She pulled a big chunk of my hair and I guess it just never grew back."
Edward laughs like he gets it. I cringe like a sister. Alice freezes.
We change the subject to something lighter, like Mr. and Mrs. Cullen going away for the weekend in August. We plan this huge party that will probably never happen.
"I bet Em could get us beer," Al says, sitting next to Edward, her head on his shoulder, as I slide the clippers through Jasper's hair. The right side of his head is bald and I'm working on the left.
"Maybe those Smirnoff's B likes so much," she teases.
"I'm in," I giggle and look behind me at Alice's small frame next to her brother's. They both have that same knowing smile but for totally different reasons. Alice knows I'm fun and free and flirty the last time I drank those. Edward knows I tried to strip for him in a bathroom, slipped, and banged my elbow on the counter the last time I drank those.
"We can celebrate little Bella's sweet sixteen," Jasper agrees.
"Two months early?" I remind him.
"Baby's all grown up," he announces, fake crying, wrapping his arms around one of my legs as I move the clippers over an already smooth head.
"Sweet sixteen," Alice hums.
"How fucking sweet it'll be," Edward agrees.
I turn to look at my friends. Al stares at Jasper's arms around my leg. So does Edward. Jasper looks at all his hair in the garbage.
"Holy shit, B," he announces, pushing me back so he can jump up and rub his head in the mirror.
"Oh my god you hate it." Panic escapes my lips as I think about ways to fix this.
"No, I actually really like it."
I back up next to Alice in this small bathroom when she stands up.
"Do you like it?" he asks softly, looking at Al through the mirror.
Something is happening, and I'm not really sure what, and I'm not really sure I'm meant to know, so I let them have their moment or their closure or their new beginning to this weirdly laced friendship.
"Yeah," she replies softer, shakier.
"B?" he turns to me, asking for approval.
"You look very handsome. Older. Wiser."
Edward scoffs, breaking the moment at the perfect place. "I'm not so sure about the last part," he teases, and then we all fall back into a jovial, lighthearted atmosphere where Jasper didn't break Alice's heart and Alice wasn't the only victim.
Later that night, after I reluctantly followed a YouTube tutorial and cut Alice's bangs into a cute little coif, I lay on my belly, on my bed, a book in front of me but my mind elsewhere.
I'm thinking about Edward's seventeenth birthday in a few days and our new plans for the fourth. We decided it wasn't fair to have Edward traipse through sand on crutches, so we're foregoing our usual La Push beach plans and setting off our own fireworks at home. Mom and dad agree to grill, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen agree to bring wine and beer, and Edward gets his dad to buy a whole bunch of fireworks.
The vibrating of my phone interrupts me. I sit up and see Alice sent me a text.
I'm breaking up with Jake.
I call her immediately.
"That's not something you text your best friend about."
"I didn't know if you were with your parents."
"It's eleven. They went to bed."
"Meet me on your porch?"
I sneak downstairs to meet my best girl with wet eyes and we sit quietly in summer heat, listening to chirping insects and owls in the dark. Edward's car is gone from it's usual spot in the driveway.
Alice sits quietly, nervously as she cracks her knuckles, messes with her bangs, does anything but answer. I give her time. I let her think of ways to let me into all the secrets she keeps from me. I don't push or pry when she's not ready. I just hope she remembers this when it's my turn.
It feels like forever before she opens up. The owl quiets down. The wind blows humid, sticky air onto my thinly covered chest.
"Jake's great," she starts quietly. "Jake loves me, I think. I mean, I know. He kisses me like he means it. He goes down on me forever. He holds my hand when he's driving. I can trust him when it's this late at night. I don't have to worry about him getting high off of who knows what. He's safe."
I nod in the dark, but I know she can feel it.
"Jake's great, but he's just not it for me," she says finally.
I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. Summer-deep sky lights up with the moon and twinkling stars and I kiss the top of my girl's head who finally told me what I knew from the start.
Her body shakes with quiet tears. Tears for leading Jake on when she knew months ago this wasn't what she needed. Tears of disappointment that a normal, good relationship wasn't doing it for her. Tears of embarrassment because she knows they only boy for her is recovering, tainted by Bree, and hurt from all the months of unkind, hurtful words.
After a while, I turn to her and ask, "he really goes down on you forever?"
She giggles and slaps my naked thigh as Edward's car lights drive down the road, pulling into the driveway.
"Only because he could never get me off." And just like that, Alice is back with sarcasm and wit and emotions she hides from everyone else.
Edward hobbles out of the passenger seat and leans against the door.
"What's up?" he asks.
"What's up with you, freaks?" Al chimes back. She stands and moves closer so she isn't yelling at midnight.
"Want to go for a ride?" Edward asks us both but he's looking right at me.
"Sure. Let me go grab my phone from my room," Alice says, running back into the house. I realize I don't have mine either, but the only people I'd talk to at this time of night are going to be packed into this old Honda.
"Where were you?" I ask.
"Driving around," he tells me softly as I make my way over. "Jasper needed to clear his head. Your nipples are hard, baby. Can I taste them?"
"Okay," I whisper as he quickly palms my breast through my very thin sleep tank.
"Are you wearing undies under there?" he asks, pulling back the waist band of my shorts.
"Nope," I tease, diving into the backseat behind Jasper.
"Keep it in your pants, Bella," Jas teases lightly. "I know you two get off on getting off around me."
My cheeks blaze and Edward chuckles darkly. It smells like pot in here and I know my boys were smoking. They don't do it too much anymore, but Edward told me once when Jasper has a particularly rough day, he smokes a little to stop himself from using anything harder.
Alice runs to the car, dives in next to me, and yells, "let's go!"
"Where to?" I ask, buckling up.
"Anywhere," Edward responds.
We make it to La Push quickly with limited traffic. Jas parks us as close to the beach as he can without actually driving onto the sand. Edward lights a joint and pulls deep, passing it to me.
"Small hits, ok, B? This shit's strong."
It's been so long that when I finally take the smallest pull, hot, dry smoke fills me up and I'm coughing so loud. Jasper laughs and hands me his can of diet Pepsi.
Alice takes the joint from me, pulls a long drag, keeps it in her lungs before grabbing the back of my head and shotgunning me like Edward's done so many times before.
"It's not as harsh if it's secondhand," she explains. "Open your mouth, breathe in when I exhale," she tells me like it's the first time I've done it.
I do as she says. I close my eyes as she nears because it's weird looking her in the eye during such an intimate moment I usually reserve for her brother.
Our lips touch but barely. They're dry so they stick against mine slightly. She pulls back slowly as I exhale what she gave me.
"Am I just high as fuck or is that not the sexiest thing you ever saw?" Jas asks, looking at Alice.
I turn to see that the boys in the front are watching us and, embarrassedly, I glance down at my bare legs but not before I see Edward lick his lips and Jasper rub his bald head.
Edward never answers, but Alice takes another hit, keeps it to herself, and passes the joint back to me. I pull once more, daringly deep, and when I reach forward to give it to Edward whose midnight-sky blues are glued to mine I exhale so slowly that he breathes me in.
We sit in silence for a long while. Jasper turns up the radio. Alice relaxes back into the seat. Edward texts someone and I wonder who.
"That girl Jasper was talking about earlier?" Alice says gently, breaking the silence. "The one who ripped out his hair?"
"Yeah?" I answer when no one else does.
"That was me."
~!~
It's almost three before we make it back home.
"Wait," Edward says, hopping out of the car, crutching his way to the trunk. He pulls out a tee shirt and hands it to me. "Take your clothes off."
"Edward!" Alice says, slapping his arm with a laugh.
"You smell like weed, B. Your dad will spot it. You cant wear that shit back in your house. I won't look," he says for Alice.
It's really dark, but I'm boldened by the weed and the four of us alone together again, so I rip off my shirt, breasts bouncing on the way, and pull his oversized band tee on.
"The shorts?" I ask.
"Off," he whispers as Alice complains about losing her phone in the back seat.
"They're wet," I tell him softly.
"I know." Edward grips the waistband of my sleep shorts and shimmies them down my legs. The trunk is open and no one can see, so Edward quickly places my foot on the bumper of his car, covers his mouth with mine, and rubs up and down my slit once, twice, three times before Alice announces, "found it!" and Jasper and my girl both slam their car doors.
"See you later, baby B," he tells me, palming my shorts, bringing them inside with him.
I make it carefully, quietly into the house and up the stairs. I grab my phone to plug it in to find many missed texts all from Edward.
We're coming to pick you guys up.
I can't stop thinking about your eyelashes.
Jas knew the whole time I had my fingers in you.
Remember when I kissed you on that log in the woods?
I love you sweet, innocent, lovely Bella.
You're in my backseat, Pretty.
I can smell your pussy.
Where's your fucking phone? I want to sext.
I giggle and send back, sext, Edward? Really?
He doesn't respond right away and I'm almost asleep before my phone vibrates signaling a call.
"Yes?" I whisper.
"I love you, Pretty," Edward whispers back. His voice is sleep-thick and high. "I love you so fucking much."
"Tell me a secret," I mutter.
"Our best friends are hooking up."
