A/N- Sorry for the delay, folks!

Real life kicked my ass and I really struggled for a while with where I wanted this story to go from here. I knew I wanted to change it from how it was originally but I lost my way a bit.

Anyway, here's a very deep chapter from Bella. Lots and lots of soul searching. Bear with her, she's struggling.

Enjoy! And i hope everyone is staying safe and well during this crazy time. I'm now officially self-isolating (essential worker), so with any luck the next few chapters will be published quickly.

Chapter 18

I must have walked for hours although it felt like days.

Steadily, the small trickle of people enjoying the city at this late hour started to subside, the traffic whizzing past lessened and the night sky lightened as I approached the outskirts of the city. I couldn't begin to decipher the distance I have covered and the time it had taken, my mind was thoroughly occupied elsewhere and I fought with nothing internally, instead I focused on keeping myself warm.

The ground beneath my bare feet felt like ice and my legs were numb with the cold chill of the air and the distance of my excursion. I was exhausted, so physically and mentally exhausted by the time I lifted my head and looked on to the house in front of me.

Tentatively, I walked towards the front door of the small home, struggling to pick my feet up enough to ascend the concrete stairs and took a deep breath before lightly knocking on the door.

Time seemed to freeze as I stood waiting, my hands rubbing over my arms, my teeth chattering together and my breath escaping my mouth in shallow bursts.

Winter was officially here.

"Bella?" My eyes snapped up at the sound of my name, my mind having been so thoroughly occupied with the cold that seeped in to my bones that I hadn't registered the door opening. "Oh my god, you're freezing! Come inside."

A familiar strong arm grabbed me gently and ushered me inside before I even managed to speak a word, not knowing if my voice would even work in that moment.

"What are you doing here? Why are you out this early in the morning half dressed? How did you get here?"

I couldn't focus on the questions directed at me, instead I let out a shaky breath as the heat from the narrow hallway coated my body. I wanted to curl up under a blanket and sleep for weeks.

"Bella?... Bella?"

A pair of soft hands grasping my shoulders and a worried face leaning down towards mine snapped me out of my daze.

"Hi, Mike," I smiled lightly, my voice hoarse and foreign to me.

"You're so cold," he stated worriedly. "I'll go run the shower, you need to heat up."

I didn't bother trying to stop him, a warm shower sounded like heaven in that moment.

I took a tentative step forward, further in to hallway as he disappeared in to the small bathroom. I hadn't been in this house since the day before Mike and I broke up. It felt like years ago. Looking around, I quickly noticed nothing had changed, the pictures that littered the walls were still of us both, together. Our happy smiles beamed from the frames, memories of our travels and time together -before he ruined it. Why would he keep them on display?

I heard the click of a door and looked up at him for the first time as he walked towards me. Mike had always been handsome to me, I had always been attracted to him with his slender physique, his kind boyish facial features, blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and modest height. But as he walked towards me in that moment, his torso bare, his baggy grey sweatpants sitting low on his hips and sleep evident on his features; I couldn't help but wish he was Edward. My heart yearned for someone completely different and I felt awful. I felt like a fraud, as he smiled politely at me, his brows furrowed in concern.

"There's a towel and some comfy clothes in the bathroom waiting on you. Go have a shower and warm yourself up, I'll make coffee."

I smiled back at him and thanked him quietly before brushing past him and in to the bathroom.

Leaning my back against the door as I locked myself in the cramped bathroom, I couldn't stop the onslaught of tears as they finally spilled over and I slid down on to the floor, silently sobbing in to my knees.

Realisation of what I had done burned through me. Not only had I left the club in a rage, but I had walked for hours on end, in the middle of the night in a city, a city filled with crime; wearing nothing but the clothes on my back. I had no money, no cell phone and nowhere to go. I had nothing but a target on my back and a price on my head yet I had disregarded it all to prove a point to Edward. What if I had been abducted? What if I had been attacked?

The fear gripped me and made the tears fall faster. What an idiot I was. In all my years, I had always been stubborn but I had never, ever disregarded myself in such a way as to welcome harm without so much as a minor hesitation.

This was a new low, even for me.

And on top of all the stupid events and choices I had made the previous night, the sheer repulsion that I had done it all in anger towards a man I held no claim over; only to run to my ex.

Who did I think I was, running to Mike like that? He didn't deserve my fucked up face on his doorstep first thing in the morning. What he did deserve was an explanation, but where would I even start? No, an explanation was the last thing he needed, he was a cop. I'd need to think of plan B.

Dragging myself to my feet, I pulled off my clothes and stepped in to the shower welcoming the hot water as it stung and bit at my frozen skin. I closed my eyes, the spray hitting me and I didn't dare move as I thawed, slowly coming back to life from my clouded head to my throbbing, aching feet.

I stood in the shower, not moving and letting the warm jets burn my body until the water started to run cold. Quickly, I reached for the fluffy white towel that awaited me and looked towards the clothes Mike had laid out for me. My hand reached out to touch them tentatively as my other hand held the towel around my body, they were the clothes I used to wear when I stayed here, his old police college hooded sweatshirt, an older pair of his grey sweatpants and a dark pair of his thick socks. I smiled at the thought he had kept them, I had no idea why but I was glad, whatever the reasoning. Maybe it was the memories of a simpler time, the straightforward easy life we had led and the lack of drama of our days past.

Scrubbing my face until my makeup had disappeared, I slipped in to the sentimental clothes and dried my hair as best I could before taking quiet steps out of the bathroom, the smell of coffee took over my senses and I had to stop myself from moaning in to the hallway.

I eventually found Mike in the cosy living room, smiling shyly as I entered and taking the large cup of coffee he handed me.

"I'm so sorry to turn up on your doorstep like this," I sighed, taking a seat across from him and bringing my knees to my chest on the comfortable, bland sofa.

"Don't apologise," he replied, smiling softly at me, no doubt trying to ease my mind. "What on earth happened to you last night?"

I sighed, looking down towards my coffee, not sure what to say.

"I just had a really really rough night," I shrugged, not lying but remaining purposely elusive.

He nodded, clearly deciding that prying wasn't going to work, not right now. He had never been perceptive and was always quick to give up rather than pry. For once, I was grateful.

"You haven't been home," Mike whispered eventually, not meeting my eyes.

I looked up at the same time he did, our eyes meeting from opposite ends of the sofa.

"We broke up, Mike."

"I know," he sighed, "but you haven't been back to your own apartment either."

Oh.

Mike's house was what I always considered 'home' whilst we were together. I hadn't realised he meant that I hadn't been back to my own place.

"How do you know that?" I asked, confused.

"I... uh,"he took a long swig of the coffee he was holding, his focus shifting around the room. "I drove by before and after work each day to make sure you were okay..."

"Why?" I questioned, my eyebrows knitting together.

"What do you mean?" He whispered, "Bella..." I didn't fail to notice how he inched a little closer when as said my name and instinctively, I sat up straighter, pushing my back in to the sofa further. "You need to know, I never meant to hurt you... I regret what I did and I still lo-"

A sharp loud knock on the door interrupted what he was about to say and I let out a sigh of relief, thanking the gods above as he stood up, excusing himself and leaving the room.

A brief wave of panic hit me as he left the room. Who was at the door? Was I followed here? Would they hurt Mike to get to me inside?

I looked towards the window quickly, out on to the street and the mid morning sunshine. I could jump out of the window if I needed to, it was only a five foot drop on to the grass below and I could run across the street to the alleyway that let to the woodland which bordered the houses.

Lost in my escape plan, I jumped from the sofa as the living room door slammed open, forcefully hitting the wall behind it and came face-to-face with a disheveled, tired-looking Edward.

My heart thudded in my chest as his eyes bore in to mine and he visibly exhaled in relief. He was dressed in the same clothes he wore the night before, it didn't look like he had gone home.

"What the fuck?" He snarled, looking distastefully at my attire and I realised quickly what this situation must look like to him; my wet hair, Mike's oversized clothing covering my body and fresh coffee in my hands,

Before I could answer or even attempt to explain myself, Mike burst in to the room behind Edward, looking terrified.

"What are you doing here?" Mike questioned him from where he placed himself between Edward and I, his voice considerably higher than usual and his eyes wide as he looked at Edward.

Edward's eyes never left my face, but his eyes narrowed as he regarded me coolly from the doorway. Time seemed to stand still as he ignored Mike and in that moment, I had no idea what to do.

I could run, I suppose. But I had quickly realised last night's antics were stupid and dangerous, there was no way I could run like that again. I had pushed my luck enough.

I could leave both men in this room and lock myself in the bathroom... forever.

Or I could stare in to my coffee and hope for some more inspiration to miraculously appear from within my cloudy exhausted mind.

"Bella?...Bella? You need to get out of here." Mike spoke hurriedly, breaking me from my reverie and I snapped my head towards him, my eyebrows knitting together in question.

"What? Why?" I stuttered, thoroughly confused, looking between both men.

"Just trust me, okay? I'll explain later," Mike answered, his voice rushed and panicked. "Go back to your place and I'll come round later."

That would be a lot easier if I had a key. And a car. And a pair of shoes that weren't four inches high... Mike had his own key though, so as I slowly placed my coffee cup in the table, I started to make a plan; I'd grab the spare key, grab my clothes and take his car to my old apartment and then I'd return his car later.

It wasn't the best plan but I figured it's all I had, my exhausted brain struggling to comprehend what I could do in this situation and where I was going to go from here.

"Don't you fucking move," Edward seethed and I was surprised to look up and find his anger directed towards me.

Raising my eyebrows at him in challenge, I was about to speak when Mike beat me to it.

"Please, Masen, let her go. She's done nothing wrong..." The panic in his voice was evident as he raised his hands forward, palms outstretched in Edward's direction as though trying to appease him. "Leave her out of it."

Leave me out of it? What the hell was going on? What had happened between Mike and Edward for Mike to feel that Edward was here for him?

My neck felt like it was going to snap as my head spun between both of the men in the room and my eyes narrowed involuntary as I tried to figure it out. Mike was a cop, could he have had a run in with Edward previously, on a work level? Did Mike know who Edward was? How did Edward know to find me here and did he know this was Mike's house?

Suddenly, my mind reeled back to that afternoon weeks ago, in Edward's office when I had told him Mike's name and the fact he was my ex boyfriend. Had I put Mike on Edward's radar? I didn't think so, Edward had seemed to already know him judging by his reaction at time. Emmett had known him too. That was something I needed to find out.

"What the hell is going on?" I finally managed to ask, still looking between both men. Mike's face was pale, his eyes were still wide and panicked as he looked between Edward and I. Edward's demeanour was collected yet his anger radiated from him in waves as he kept his eyes on me and me alone. He was angry at me, no doubt, for the stunt I had pulled last night.

Well good. I was angry with him too. The feeling was perfectly mutual even if I was currently too exhausted to outwardly show it like Edward was.

"Bella, I'll explain everything later." Mike pleaded. "Please get out of here."

"How do you two know each other?" I finally managed to ask, ignoring Mike's desperation to get me out of the house. I watched on as Mike's mouth opened at my question and he snapped his head back and forth between Edward and I, as though he was trying to figure out what the hell I was implying with my question.

"Hang on," he stuttered. "You two," he pointed between Edward and I, "know each other?" Disbelief took over his features as he kept his eyes on Edward, finally registering that Edward's eyes has never left my face since the minute he entered the house.

I could see Edward's strong jaw clenching under the light stubble that graced his features, his eyes continued to blaze in my direction and his breathing was deep and steady in what was obviously a conscious effort to keep his calm.

"You two know each other?" I counter-questioned, pointing between Edward and Mike in a childish change of subject.

"Well," Edward finally spoke, his tone cold. "This is clearly going nowhere."

I narrowed my eyes in his direction, crossing my arms over my chest in a stubborn display, hoping someone would explain.

"Oh, my bad," Edward snorted. "You two know each other?" He mocked, flicking his finger between Mike and I, his voice disturbingly a little higher whilst maintaining its dangerous edge and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his poor attempt to mimic our words.

"Right," I decided to make the call and move the conversation onwards. "Thank you, Mike, for looking after me and giving me some spare clothes." I didn't fail to notice how Edward's eyes narrowed further as I thanked Mike. "But, I need to go," I looked towards Edward, raising my eyebrows and nodding my head towards the door.

During the mostly silent and highly awkward display, I had realised a couple of things. One, I couldn't go home, I didn't think, and two, the only person on this planet I trusted in this moment to keep me safe, was Edward. So my decision was surprisingly easy to make once I swallowed my pride, I had to leave with Edward.

But something else nagged in the back of my mind the whole time too...

This supposed danger I was in, was it a true threat to my life? I hadn't ever contemplated it to the extent I should have. All of my previous brushes with danger and threats had been from Edward's men. Sure, there had been some questionable instances, like the number of phone calls I had received as I recovered in the hospital. And the other time, when Edward had allowed me to leave the house and Alec had chickened out of handing me to Laurent, I had never truly witnessed the danger except hiding from the man at my apartment. What was the chances that had all blown over by now? What were the chances that I could leave the State of Illinois and be fine? I had so many questions I needed answers to and the only one who could give me said answers, was Edward.

I needed to leave with Edward.

Swallowing my pride, I headed to the bathroom and gathered my discarded clothes from the night before.

Edward seemed to have understood my internal choice and I came face to face with him in the hallway, meeting his steely gaze for a split second before I headed towards the front door.

"Bella, please," Mike begged. "What's going on?"

I turned, my eyes softening as I took in his worried face and his pleading words. But what could I say?

"Do you..." he continued, his voice wavering in fear. "Bella, do you know who this man is?"

Edward scoffed behind me but I kept my eyes on Mike, my eyebrows knitting together as I tried to think of what to say.

Finally, I sighed in defeat. "Yes, Mike. I know." He opened his mouth to argue but I cut him off before he could get himself in to trouble. "Look, I can't explain right now, but I will, I promise. I owe you that much." The last of my words were barely a whisper. But I did owe him that much.

Thanking him silently, I turned towards the door, brushing passed Edward and headed towards his obnoxious large SUV parked further down the street.

"Put your shoes on, Isabella." Edward's commanding tone broke through the crisp morning air as he quickly caught up with me. But for the most part, I ignored him, my throbbing feet felt like they were on fire and the last thing I wanted to do was put them in four inch heels for the short walk to the car.

"My feet are too sore," I mumbled as I climbed in to the passenger seat but I barely got the full sentence out before he slammed the door in my face, growling under his breath.

I watched him through narrow eyes as he rounded the front of the car, his tall menacing frame looked predatory, his jaw clenched so tight it was a wonder his teeth weren't cracking under the tension and his eyes blazed so deeply I could almost feel the heat penetrate from outside.

He was angry. No, he was livid. And as terrifying a sight as he was, my lack of fear took me by surprise because I knew he wouldn't ever hurt me, not physically and not purposely. Despite the cold man I knew he could be, I also knew how tentative and protective he could be. He had threatened me in the past before we got close, he had tried to intimidate me but he had never followed through on any threats and hadn't ever given me any reason to truly fear him. He had saved me more times than I cared to admit.

It was a strange revelation and I had no doubt both of us felt way out of our depths. He was complicated, deep, dark and dangerous. I was flighty, stubborn, impulsive and sometimes very, very stupid. But there was something between us that we couldn't quite understand and we were both struggling to find a balance, a middle-ground. We clashed in every way, we were two completely different people, absolute opposites but we were drawn to each other and I had no idea how or why but we couldn't seem to stop, to let go and underneath it all, all the fire and flames and fighting, I didn't want to let him go.

I was a masochist.

Maybe I was an adrenaline junkie.

The thrill, the danger... the running and being chased. The anger and flare for dramatics, it was exhilarating but under it all, I finally understood that it was Edward. All those things were Edward and that was why I was seeking it, chasing it. It was him. The adrenaline was there because Edward was, my heart thumped and my fiery emotions surfaced, for him.

I chanced a glance at him as he drove silently through the city, taking in his angular profile. His jaw was hard as stone and I could see it flexing as he bit down on his own teeth. His eyes bore holes in to the windscreen and his thick, soft hair blew in the soft breeze of the heat that pulsed through the car.

He was a perfect contradiction -composed yet chaotic. And so, so beautiful. For a second, I felt bad for putting that tension on his face.

"You're angry," I sighed, glancing straight ahead on to the road ahead of us.

He scoffed in reply but didn't speak. His posture didn't relax as I broke the silence and I decided not to push it and left him alone to his thoughts.

The drive seemed to take an age but eventually we pulled up outside his town house and I let myself out of the car, deciding to forgo the inner dilemma of whether or not he'd open the door for me and what it meant if he didn't.

He walked straight passed me, not even looking in my direction as he breezed through the front door of the house and disappeared towards his office before I could even enter the house.

I sighed, looking towards the staircase and up towards the floor that held my room.

We both needed time to cool off and I needed to figure out where I went from here, with or without Edward.

The thought of not having Edward in my life caused immeasurable pain to shoot through my heart and my eyes stung at the possibility but I needed to work myself and my feelings out. As did he.

Taking the stairs one at a time, I headed towards my room without any conscious effort.

I was exhausted and as I glanced at the clock on the table by my bed, I realised I had been awake for a full 24 hours. Smiling bitterly at myself in the empty, pristine room I placed my dirty clothes from the night before in to the laundry basket in the bathroom and made my way back towards the bed, looking at it sadly as fond memories of the previous morning flooded my mind. The almost playful, easy-going Edward that sat in my bed with me; the feel of his hands on my body, his smooth voice as he smiled and the feel of his hair and his body under my own palms.

That was the Edward I wanted, the Edward I cherished and longed for. But that could be too much to ask for.

Tucking myself under the blankets, not bothering to change out of Mike's clothes, I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep and a clear head.

There was so much I had to learn about the enigma that was Edward Mason, so much I had to try to understand and come to terms with. He was everything normal people would tell me to stay away from, Hollywood romanticised it, books made it exciting and history painted a bloody picture. He was everything I wasn't. I was weak, small, fragile to his strong, tall and dangerous. He was powerful, wealthy, predatory and I was timid, the most average of middle class and the very definition of prey in his world. His allure, heart-achingly handsome features and speech rendering aura eclipsed me in every way. Plain, boring Bella.

Insecurity. I was insecure!

Why on earth would a man like Edward Mason even think of tying himself to someone like me when he could have any woman and most men with any room at any time? I was pushing and pushing his boundaries and patience because I knew I wasn't worthy and I wanted him to chase me, wanted him so desperately to want me, for however long I could hold him. Maybe, in my subconscious I was hoping to keep him on his toes enough to keep him drawn in, in a desperate attempt to keep him close. If I kept him angry, I kept his focus on me and the sheer desperation I felt made me feel sick. Sick at myself for feeling so helpless, sick at my self-worth as it evaporated in to the empty room around me and disgusted with myself for my constant emotional whiplash.

The turmoil of my current situation had taken that educated young woman, that free spirit and crushed her. Instead, she had been replaced with a woman who felt nothing but fear -fear for her life and fear of losing a man she never truly had.

A bitter laugh escaped my lips and echoed around the room and sleep evaded me as my mind buzzed.

There wasn't much I could do to keep him, no matter how much I wanted to. If he was too annoyed, too tired or too bored with me, there wasn't much at that point I could do. If another woman turned his head in the club or on the street, I'd just need to deal with it. It would hurt beyond measure because I felt so strongly about him, but my inner need to self destruct needed to end. I could not loose myself because a man held some form of power over me, whatever that power may be.

I was falling in love with Edward and it hurt to know my feelings were not reciprocated but I needed some form of inner peace. I needed to know what was going on and where I could go from here.

Flashes of his smile, his sexy dirty words as they were whispered in to my ear, his strong dominating hands as they worked my body and his his eyes as they bore in to my soul flashed in my mind and my heart ached. I wanted that again, I wanted all of it. I wanted to keep him, to run my hands through his hair and feel the shudder that claimed his body as I tugged at his scalp, his lips as they commanded my own and the feel of his strong tall body against my own. I wanted to make him smile, that heartbreaking cocky grin that graced his flawless face, the sharp wit that could both tease a scold, and those small peeks at the boyish charm that hid under his tough exterior.

I didn't see him as a criminal, as naive as that may be. I saw him as a dark, complicated man. A man that drew me in like no other man had ever done and I wanted him, all of him.

It was time to stop pushing and pulling.

There was no doubt in my mind that we would annoy and anger each other, it's what we were good it. But we needed to compromise and understand, there needed to be a form of communication over rage-induced actions. Would I get jealous? Absolutely. But I needed to find a way to deal with my emotions that didn't include dangerous outcomes and stupidity.

I needed to talk to him. I needed to apologise and figure everything out. I needed some control over my own life, control or understanding. I needed answers and I needed them soon, before I fell any further for the devastatingly dangerous man downstairs.

Taking a deep breath and feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I fell in to a deep slumber, exhaustion winning over all else after my mental therapy session.

Tomorrow was a new day.

Tomorrow, I would straighten my shoulders, swallow my pride and grow up. I'd own my feelings, my insecurities and I'd start to work on owning them.

Let me know what you thought.

Brooding, angry Edward is my favourite, not gonna lie! But Bella does need to take some responsibility too -she knows that now.

Thank you for reading.