Rating – M, to be safe. Some descriptions of violent nature, nothing too graphic.

Please review. You will make my day :-) .

If you recognize it, it is not mine.

The following chapter contains quotes from and references to the episodes The Interview and The Bug Out.

Hawkeye jolted awake due to a loud noise that came from outside and found Claudia's hair tickling him on his cheek. During their sleep session she snuggled into his warm embrace even more and he draped his left leg over hers at that time. He shifted a little and moved the offending leg, simultaneously brushing away the locks of her hair out of his face. They were tangled up so tightly together, they probably should have used protection…

The tent was now silent, the only sound he heard being her heartbeat. He was also able to feel her chest rising and falling against him. She looked so fragile, clinging to him tenaciously and occasionally sighing loudly in her sleep. They were both still covered in dust and probably some dried blood as well. Oh, the joys of wartime.

It broke his heart seeing her cry and not being able to do anything to soothe her. He felt completely helpless when she was watering his shirt in unbelievable anguish and all he could do was hold her, whispering words of comfort.

All of a sudden she fussed a little, mumbling something. Studying her face he wondered if she was waking up. No. She merely grabbed a handful of his shirt and pressed herself against him again. Realizing he was holding his breath, he slowly exhaled. He should definitely try to fall asleep again, who knows when they might have to rodeo again. The PA system could sound anytime.

Once more being incredibly close to her body, he reflected upon all the things she confessed about her past. It's possible she doesn't have anyone left in this world. His chest constricted with the thought. He wouldn't be able to live without knowing his dad was safely in Crabapple Cove. Having something to come back to when this nightmare was over kept him grounded. He was full of admiration for her strength. He never met anyone like her. She responded to his wisecracks with sarcastic remarks of her own, never letting him off the hook when he'd gone too far. She was caring, but extremely tough when she had to be. She gave him a hug or stern talking to depending on what was needed.

"Hi, Hawk!" Her tired voice startled him. He looked at her, waking up slowly against his chest, noticing her smile and sleepy eyes. She moved back a little, observing him closely once her blurry vision cleared.

"Good morning, my princess. How did you sleep?" He asked quietly.

"Great. You make a really good pillow, you know." She raised her eyebrows and chuckled.

"Why are you so surprised when I am so cute and cuddly?" He put on a face, pretending to be insulted.

They both continued to lie still, their physical exhaustion not fully alleviated with one short sleep interlude. Their joints ached and their muscles burned from the endless hours of standing in surgery. The air in her tent smelled of mixture of their sweat and her usual perfume.

"You understand this war just got more horrible…" She sighed, looking at ceiling of the tent. Chinese might not have had the technology, but they had the numbers. This could prolong the war by years, even decades.

"Never thought it was possible." Hawkeye whispered, his voice harrowingly haunted.

They altered their position to lie on their sides, facing each other. It was difficult to do on the tiny army-issued cot. She took those long-fingered capable hands of his into hers, lightly caressing them like the treasure they were. It's been a while since she felt so close to someone. She didn't realize how much she missed him when he was ignoring her, but now it occurred to her she probably couldn't live without him.

"Claudia, I really hate it here."

"Oh, should I move?"

"No, I mean in Korea. I almost left a sponge in a patient during that last batch." Hawkeye admitted, looking at their joint hands, rubbing hers slowly. His touch was very gentle and soothing.

"The nurses count them. Or at least are supposed to…" She objected pretty loudly.

"That's why it's almost." Hawkeye cuddled up to the warm body next to him, carefully bringing her head under his chin. "I hate this impersonal meatball stick. Cutting into one patient after another, not even remembering their faces, knowing their names. I don't think I can take this much longer."

"Remember how many lives you're saving."

"Am I, though? I stitch people up and then they're just send back to the front to try to get killed again." She let go of his hands and pulled him closer. Stroking his back, she whispered softly into his ear.

"No one can control everything. All you can do is your best and you're definitely doing that, my little surgeon."

"Little? I'll show you…" He smiled, but sort of sadly.

She opened her mouth to respond, but someone knocked on the tent's door. Lying her palm on his shoulder in reassurance, she turned her head to the exit. "Yeah?"

"Ma'am, sorry to bother you. But there's a call waiting for you. Major Sidney Freedman and he says it's urgent." Both Claudia and Hawkeye immediately recognized Radar's voice. She quickly sat up on the bed, rubbing her temples with a low sigh.

"Be right there, Radar. Go keep him entertained." After hearing Radar agree and then leave, she caught the sight of Hawkeye slowly trying to get up, his tired body protesting. "Stay here and rest. I'll be right back."

Hawkeye lied back down, closing his eyes once again. The camp outside was slowly waking back to life without his participation. Sound of footsteps hitting the hard Korean soil could be heard as people were crisscrossing the compound, trying to get to the showers and the mess tent.

Claudia returned fairly quickly and immediately started to pack her things.

"Was it something I said?" Hawkeye wondered as he watched her throwing her clothes into the army green bag.

"Sidney needs me in Tokyo and Potter agreed to let me go. I don't know what's going on, so don't ask. But it sounded really serious." She paused for a bit, looking at him. "Take care, Hawkeye."

"You're the one who'll be going through some dangerous territory. You take care." He got up from the bed, wanting to let her pack her things in peace. A honk from the jeep resonated throughout the camp, earning a few annoyed groans from those still sleeping in the next tent.

"That's my ride. Bye, Hawk." And she was gone, just like that.

He briskly walked out of her tent, watching the jeep with her and the driver until it disappeared from the view.


Claudia remained in the grips of white hot anger the whole time they were loading up the truck. She was put in charge of nurses upon her return and now was supposed to oversee the transportation of the wounded. She guessed that Colonel Potter gave her this important task to keep her busy, so she wouldn't shout at him again.

She still couldn't believe that Potter let them stay. This is war for Christ's sake. They could be on their way to a POW camp right now, the patient who they were guarding already shot dead. Her heart was beating so loudly in her chest, she barely heard people talking. God, she hoped they were safe…

Taking a few deep breaths, she calmed herself down enough to at least look fine to an uninterested onlooker. But it was tearing her inside. When she agreed to help Sidney, she didn't imagine in her wildest dreams she would come back only to be informed Hawkeye, Margaret and Radar were behind enemy lines. There the prognosis wasn't very appealing.

The move was going well. In all fairness, they didn't get too settled in before they were ordered to go back. All personal effects were still packed and loaded in vehicles, just the surgical equipment needed to be repacked and the injured carefully maneuvered into the ambulances. She made an effort to keep moving and stay engaged in any activity, so her mind couldn't wondered to those three musketeers, left alone in an abandoned camp waiting for the enemy to appear.

Finally they were ready to go. Claudia was going to ride in the last bus, there was a seriously wounded soldier she was worried about and wanted to stay close in case his condition worsened en route. Claudia found out from the other nurses it was Klinger who packed her things. She was happy she bought him the materials in Tokyo.

The journey was difficult, dusty and nerve-wrecking for everyone. Claudia was sitting near the front of the bus, away from the other nurse who was on the bus. Every time she closed her eyes, there were the most atrocious images assaulting her brain. For a split second she could vividly see Hawkeye lying flat on his back, his eyes wide in shock as someone was punching him with fists so hard blood was trickling from his body. Horrendous bloody gash decorated his face just above right eye and as his eye puffed up, he was having troubles to see.

He was crying out in pain, long agonizing wails were alternated with voiceless gasping whilst his body was attacked mercilessly. He was trembling violently, trying to flinch away from the blows, always unsuccessfully in the end, but it didn't stop him from trying. His usually beautiful face was twisted in excruciating pain, sprayed with blood and smudged with dirt.

In the other nightmarish scenario she saw him striped to his skivvies with shackles around his wrists and ankles, congealed blood all over him. He lost count of how many times they cut into his already beaten body while threatening him with even more horrible things. But he didn't know anything important. He was in so much pain, he could barely hear what his interrogators were saying most of the time. Dark purple bruises appeared on his lower jaw and around his neck after he'd been choked viciously till the point of passing out.

He was quietly weeping, his eyes fixed on the female body lying motionless in front of him. By that point there were only a few shreds left from Margaret's clothes, covering almost nothing. Her normally perfectly combed blond hair were glued together by mud and blood. At first he was inclined to try to comfort her every time she was thrown back in their cell, to extend his arm in effort to touch her, but she just recoiled in terror, her eyes filled with panic.

Claudia was losing her mind, quite literally. She could hear the breathing of Margaret in her imaginations, Hawkeye's screams of horror that cut to her core. Why does the time pass so slowly when you wait for something? The journey seemed endless, waiting for the sight of 4077 original camp to come into view.

Seeing the footage of the 4077 personnel being interviewed by a war correspondent saddened her very much, even before she left Tokyo. And it was only downhill from then on. Maybe it was just the black and white color, but she had never seen Hawkeye look so sullen. In the beginning when asked if he saw anything good coming out of this war, he answered 'Yeah, me. Alive. That would be nice. If I could get out of this alive. That would be great.'

Then don't stay behind enemy lines, Hawkeye… This could be the last time I saw him, on the television screen talking about the thing he hated the most - war. Trying to crack a couple of jokes, but remain serious, his face devoid of the mischievous smile and warmth in his glare that usually went along with them. His eyes dropping before he admitted how frightened he was at times, for example when he felt a bomb explode a few feet away. Having to lean over your patient, so the dust doesn't fall into his wounds, when all you want to do is curl up into a ball on the floor under a sturdy table.

There was something special about Hawkeye, one was able to sense that even from a recording. You could tell how strong he was, having dealt with this for as long as he had, but at the same time he showed incredible vulnerability. Telling the interviewer about lying on his cot during the night and realizing where you are and what could happen to you, the dread making your heart pound so hard your cot is shaking… Speaking of the many people he met for whom killing was a casual thing and wondering how you raise a person like that. And towards the end there was a moment where he talked about trying to keep distance from the omnipresent suffering because if you bleed for everybody who's bleeding you're essentially lost.

Hawkeye's face lightened up for a short while when he talked of reading Hemingway before knowing what war was like. Claudia's heart skipped a beat then, because it meant Hawkeye was actually miserable, not just the version of him in black and white.

The sudden realization that the scenery was looking familiar startled her from musings. They were there! It's amazing how happy people were to be back at the very same camp they usually despised. There wasn't time for warm welcomes and grateful prayers when they arrived in the compound and found Hawkeye, Margaret and Radar alive and well. A few cheers and laughs were the best they could do in such a hurry. Radar ran over to Klinger, checking on his animals and Margaret rode with Colonel Potter on his horse. Hawkeye greeted BJ and Father Mulcahy and then jumped into a jeep with the nurses. Once the whole convoy arrived into the compound, they all went back to their duties, frantically running around and transporting everything back to their place. Claudia's relief was simply indescribable as she saw those three figures standing in the distance. Finally she could breathe more easily, her mind pausing the horrible scenarios that had been playing in her mind for hours.

Hawkeye jumped into the ambulance, where Claudia was adjusting a patient's bandage. "Is that alright, now?" She asked, putting final touches to it. The hurt man that was lying on a stretcher nodded slightly and then winced slightly with pain.

"Hello, Claudia. Did you miss me? How was Tokyo?" Hawkeye whispered to her, all smiles.

"I can't even look at you, you should get your head examined…" Claudia was very focused at checking the patients, so they could be taken to Post-Op as soon as it was ready to receive them.

"Excuse me?"

"No, I won't! You need to grow up and stop doing stupid stuff." Walking along the ambulance, she came to another injured solder, examining his condition.

Hawkeye took a few steps, catching up with her and grabbing her hand. "I couldn't have just left him here." He blurted out forcefully as she turned towards him.

"I wasn't suggesting you should've." She jerked away from his touch, answering even more firmly. "But risking three lives for one spine is unreasonable."

"He would've been paralyzed…"

"He'd have lived. Which can't be said for the three of you if you'd have been captured."

"I… " His voice trailed off.

"Go help set up the Post-Op and OR." As he opened his mouth to protest, she quickly continued. "Dismissed, Captain." Pointing her finger to the door, she avoided his surprised gaze.


Nobody got any sleep until the whole camp was put back to normal. Well, maybe normal is a strong word and back to functional would be better. All patients who could be transported were being shipped out, so at least that lifted some weight of everyone's shoulders, however there was already talk about a big push coming up.

Claudia and Hawkeye were behaving like a match and gasoline, igniting disagreements wherever they went. Their shouting could have been heard throughout the whole camp, but at that point everybody was so tired, they just shrugged it off. Colonel Potter and Radar have been buried in paperwork, trying to update just about all the people in the US military on 4077th's new position, so they didn't even have time to think about the screams they heard.

The unlucky doctor sent to the Post-Op shift first was Frank, who was so out of it, he didn't even moan about it. They were only three patients lying there, so there won't be much malpractice for him to do anyway. Claudia relieved him after a few hours, because she was driven crazy by lying awake in her cot, not being able to sleep. Frank was glad for the help, probably exhausted from blowing his whistle nonstop during the bug out and left very shortly. Nurse Baker and I engaged in a stimulating conversation that distracted me enough to forget for a while. She was very excited about her upcoming R&R and her older sister just had her second child, a gorgeous little girl named Alicia.

The night went by pretty uneventfully, just one patient was suffering from nightmares, so they needed to wake him up every time he started to scream. Radar went to sleep early in the morning, totally spent and Colonel Potter followed him after checking up on the Post-Op situation. He and Claudia just exchanged a few cold stares and he was on the way to his bed.

Claudia's body was sending her signals that it actually wouldn't mind getting some rest, when her wishes were fulfilled and the doctor replacing her walked in. Hawkeye was still sleepy, slowly putting on his white coat over his crumpled army greens. He sighed very loudly as he tucked his hands into his pockets, looking around the quiet Post-Op. His glance finally rested on Claudia sitting at the table, scribbling something on a piece of paper.

"I am here to relieve you, so don't bite my head off. Where's Frank?" His voice was low, lacking the usual melodic intonation. He reached into his pocket, revealing a piece of toast and biting hungrily into it.

"I told him to get some rest, since I couldn't fall asleep." Claudia got up and walked down the aisle of beds to the first patient. Picking up the chart, she showed it to Hawkeye. "Private Rosmann, two bullets extracted from right thigh and four broken fingers. Physically he's on the mend, but mentally, who knows. He is suffering from terrible nightmares, screaming out loud etcetera. He barely slept tonight. Watch him closely, please." Hawkeye was watching her closely, his eyes piercing her in accordance to his surname. He stood quite far away from her, so much further than normally. They were still uncomfortable around each other.

"I will." He did not make a joke or add a little flirty note to his answer.

"Lieutenant Merv here has been running a little temperature since we came back. We think he caught some infection during the bug out. The chest is healing nicely, but I am still worried about his leg. The infection there is pretty nasty. He'll be needing more penicillin, maybe increase the dose if necessary."

"Yeah, I think you're right." Hawkeye sat down on a chair, reading the lieutenant's chart in detail. Claudia couldn't take his eyes off him. She almost lost him not so long ago. Remembering how terrified she felt on the way to the camp, not knowing what they'd find once there, she swallowed with difficulty. Her throat constricted painfully with the memory.

"Claudia? Hello! Earth to Claudiaaaa!" Hawkeye interrupted her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, the last one is Corporal Lance. He took a bullet in the chest. It narrowly missed his heart."

Looking at the various numbers describing patient's state, Hawkeye mumbled. "Lucky Corporal…"

"A lot of luck going around these days…"Claudia answered swiftly as Hawkeye raised his eyes to look at her.

"Claudia." He said, obviously annoyed.

"I am grateful for it. But I wish you'd use your head more, goofball."

"We're not getting into this again. I did the right thing." His body language equaled a long ice age.

"Did you even think it through before staying behind and letting Margaret and Radar stay too?" She crossed her arms, looking straight into his blue eyes.

"Stop talking to me like I'm five years old!" He exclaimed ferociously.

"Then don't act like one. Do you realize what would happen to you three? Have you thought about that?" Hawkeye noticed her eyes beginning to water slightly. "They would shot your patient dead. Chances are Radar would've been killed instantly and if not, he'd be starved to death in one of their monstrous POW camp. And what do you think would have happened to Margaret? Can you imagine witnessing what they'd do to her? You'd probably be kept alive and tasked with looking after the other prisoners of war, trying to make a difference without any medicine at all."

She didn't raise her voice, au contraire, she quietly said those horrible things to him. Seeing her distress, yet also not wanting to say what he did was wrong, Hawkeye was trapped. He opened his mouth a few times during her monologue, but closed it quite quickly. What was he supposed to say? He didn't think about what would happen. He did as he was trained to do, look after his patient, refusing to break his promise to protect human life. The last thing he wanted to do was put more people in danger. It never crossed his mind Radar would stay. Or Margaret. She probably felt like had to as a career army officer, since some draftee doctor was staying. Hawkeye thought back to when Margaret had asked him if the enemy raped female prisoners. He wanted to ask Claudia to go talk to Margaret, but lacked the courage to do so.

She went on. "How would you handle that, huh? And what about your dad? Don't you want see Crabapple Cove again?"

"That's such a low blow…"

"What? Reminding you that you have something to live for? This is war, Hawkeye! People kill people here – in cold blood. Did you forget that?"

"Don't you dare tell me that like I haven't noticed. I've been here living with rats, enjoying dysentery and putting violated bodies back together long before you even heard of Korea." His voice carried far in the quite Post-Op environment.

She took a step towards him. "You have no idea about what I've been through, Mister!"

Sorry for the wait, but I had so many papers to write before the universities closed and also I just couldn't get this chapter right. It has been really crazy…

Please take care of yourselves!

Next chapter or the 20th will be rated MA due to some explicit content.