Sorryyyyy, this chapter took soooo long to write! I was on writers block for most of the time ugh. My brain wanted to write more Gabriel soliloquys, but I was like no, I need to write about Nathalie. And then I didn't even write about Nathalie, so you get kwamis and depressed Mari. Also go listen to Laa Da Dee. There's this amazingly heartbreaking miraculous ladybug animatic to that song. I'm pretty sure it's the only reason why I'm posting today, I mean, that sounds like an exaggeration, but after watching the animatic and listening to the song I was instantly on creative high :)

~Speckle


"I'm going back to Gabriel."

"What?" Plagg yelped. "But you can't! You just e-"

"Escaped?" Nooroo's voice was dangerously low. "I didn't escape. I left on my own because he wasn't strong enough to keep me there. And that's why I have to go back."

"But-"

"No, Plagg! I'm going! He won't enslave me like he used to, he won't use me again."

"How do you kn-"

"I know, ok?" He snapped, eyes blazing with purple fire.

Plagg hung back, unwilling to say any more. He wasn't used to this side of Nooroo. In fact, he wasn't used to Nooroo.

Nooroo stared at Plagg, whispering. "You think I'm weak."

"What! No-"

"Because Gabriel used me. How do you think it felt, Plagg? I was forced to create monsters!"

"Nooroo, I know! I'm sorry. And I don't think you're weak. I- I don't know what to think. I'm just… tired. I know that's not an excuse, but please forgive me for questioning you. I know how capable you are. I don't know what it was like for you to be used by Hawkmoth. But I'm here for you." He gestured to Master Fu and the Miracle box. "We all are."

"No, I'm sorry. For snapping at you. It's just… I haven't had anyone to talk to in so long, I guess I just forgot what it feels like to have someone around who actually cares for me. Although, I know Gabriel was getting better. He wasn't treating me so badly. At one point recently, I think we were almost… friends. He talked to me like I wasn't property. He even asked me for advice, and listened when I gave it. I gave it willingly, he didn't force me to tell him. And then he tried to help Adrien. But no one could have helped him." He shot a glance at Plagg, who was just looking solemnly at him.

"However, I can help Gabriel."

Master Fu spoke. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Nooroo's voice was tinged with annoyance, but it was fast fading. "I need to go back to him Guardian!" He insisted.

"You wouldn't stay even if I told you to, would you?"

"No." Nooroo crossed his arms.

Master Fu sighed. "Alright, I trust you Nooroo."

Nooroo's eyes softened, and he nodded once. Wordlessly, he turned and purposely phased through the wall.


Love is a nutrient. Essential. And I am deprived. But I also have too much to bear.

My heart aches for you, Adrien.

All the time, I can only feel inside me stabbing pain as if I am being hollowed out, leaving just an empty shell.

I am leaking from the inside, and nothing except you can fill that hole.

I'm stranded.

Nowhere to go.

Like a lump of lead slowly sinking to the bottom of the deepest trench in the ocean.

Useless.

It's like burning ice is slowly spreading out from my core, until I'm frozen.

At worst, it's when I remember you; I curl up as small as I can, in agony, all sound blocked against blood roaring in my ears, unaware except from my furtive rocking. At best, it's a dull, ever-present burning.

I cried, Adrien. More than I ever have. I cried salty streams, rivers. Until I felt shrivelled, and all I could do was stare into empty, space.

It hurts to blink; my eyes are that dry. Bloodshot, like every drop of water has been wrung out of me, tears collected in a bottomless jar, evaporating into nothing under the fierce glare of the sun.

Layers of me peeling away like shifting sand. When the wind blows, I break.

If I fall prey to the air, what do you think happened to me when you left?

My room seems to get gradually smaller, enclosing me, trapping me. What was previously my sanctuary no longer feels familiar, without the pictures of you. But this unfamiliarity is better than the agony I feel every time I see your face. I see the blank billboards on the streets where they have taken down the posters of you. But when they were still there I couldn't even walk past without collapsing onto a bench.

I can still hear your delighted laugh, envision your warm smile.

I want you, Adrien. I crave you.

My blankets, previously softer than feathers, are now rough boards that dig into me like sandpaper. I feel every grain, every imperfection, pressing into my bare skin.

The walls seem to get even closer, my throat mirrors the action, constricting until I have to gulp and gasp for breath. I am being suffocated by a giant hand, a mere puppet. A plaything for a cruel master, yanking on my heartstrings. Snipping one by one my ties to reality, so I slump like a ragdoll.

I yell, voice muffled by the brick that is my pillow, to a God I didn't believe in for 14 years of my life.

Why did you take him?

I thought that fate brought us together.

I thought that is was destiny when you first gave me that umbrella.

The umbrella.

I choke down a sob when I unwillingly turn my head to see it, the unassuming bundle of black fabric in the corner. Of course I kept it. Not that I need it to remember you.

There are times when I look at your empty seat in class.

I think I can feel your hand in mine, your lips brushing against my forehead.

But it's all a cruel joke played by what I thought could never betray me.

My own mind.

It's a war inside. Myself vs myself. Who will win? Or will the battle keep on raging until I wither up, exhausted, and die?

My eyes, once bright, are now dull and empty. They will never light up again because you will never light up again.

And I will have to deal with that.

Second by second.

Minute by minute.

Hour by hour.

Day by day.

But I feel I will never heal.

Why did you fricking leave me Adrien?

Part of me wishes I could curl up and slip into an endless sleep.

But sleep brings dreams.

And the hardest part of dreaming is knowing that waking up is inevitable.

My skin was snow; I melted beneath your warm touch.

Your brilliant laugh resonated with my heartstrings, which twanged along in symphony, hoping to be loud enough so that you would hear my joyful song. Conveying my feelings without words.

Your warm, genuine smile, not the fake one you put on for the crowd, your true feelings betrayed by the wistful look in your deep green eyes. It brought light to my cloudy day to see that your friends could draw that out of you. A temporary release. But when you thought no one was looking I alone saw the melancholy in your eyes. I could have helped you. But I was too late. Your pretence was so good, your walls too strong, no one noticed how bad it was until it was too late.

My subconscious mind conjures images of you.

Laughing in the park with our friends. Escaping to the cinema to watch your mother's movie. Sitting in front of me in our class.

But then I wake up and you're not there.

Marinette shut her diary, slumped onto her bed face down, and did not move. Tikki gently covered her with a blanket, but it did nothing to ease her shivering.

The kind that sets in when you lose someone who was more than just a friend and you feel there is nothing left in the world for you.


Fingers crossed, (and also everything else) I might be able to post the next chapter by... Saturday? Let's go with Saturday, I'ma be optimistic :) But no more, what was it, 3 weeks? Yeah, no more 3 week breaks.