Author's Note: I could have SWORN I did post this! I apologize for this being so late when it was already done for months! Hoping the wait was worth it. Also, had to create some of Fuuka's past with some help from a friend of mine, as well as creating Shinjiro's past with Miki's death and how they met up again. I hope it was sufficient and satisfying. :)
Chapter 10 :: The Past Always Hurts
September 24th
*bark bark* *bark bark*
"It sounds like Koromaru needs to go to the bathroom." Aigis turned her eyes towards the dog who was waggling his tail and spinning in circles. Everyone, minus Mitsuru and Akihiko, was downstairs watching some new TV special and to check up on the weather for the upcoming week. And to check in with the daily apathy syndrome cases since the number changes regularly.
"Or he is just hungry—wasn't senpai suppose to get him some food made?" Junpei pipped up with a response as Shinjiro walked through the kitchen, holding a food bowl. "See? I guess I was right."
Koromaru whined as he noticed his food bowl was empty. He seemed a bit disheartened as he sat in front of Shinjiro, wondering if he was going to make him some food. Shinjiro frowned and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but you're out of food. I got to go out and get some. Any volunteers?" Shinjiro turned his attention to the juniors, and Ken, in the room as no one seemed to want to help him. He crossed his arms as Minako looked around the room and felt a devilish grin on her lips. She, luckily, was sitting next to Fuuka and began to reach for her arm quietly.
Fuuka turned her eyes towards her right and began to close her book as Minako reached for her arm. Fuuka knew what Minako was trying to do, which she has been trying to get her and Shinjiro together to do some tasks. She did admire her determination, but it was starting to get a bit annoying. Fuuka felt she was smart enough to attempt to try going on a date, or an outing as friends, but she didn't have the courage to ask him out. So maybe Minako was doing her a favor? Then again, she was so rambunctious. With the air between her and Minato was cleared, Fuuka felt as if everything was going to be good. Except, Minako wanted to make sure everyone was happy, especially Shinjiro.
Fuuka felt Minako's hand not moving towards her arm, but towards her side. She gasped as she couldn't whack away Minako's hand quick enough as she felt herself let out a loud wheeze and then a small laugh soon after escaping her lips. Everyone watched her contour the upper half of her body frontwards as Minako's hand was tickling her right side. She stood straight up as she felt her laughter trickle down into a sigh as Minako turned her attention towards Shinjiro. "She volunteers as tribute, senpai!"
"Th-that's not fair! You tickled me!" Fuuka cried out as Minato and Junpei tried to stifle a laugh as she turned swiftly on them and their smiles diminished in a blink of an eye. She felt her cheeks heating up with embarrassment as she eyed Shinjiro. "Since no one else wants to go, I'll go with you."
"Are you sure? I know someone—" he glared at Minako as she just waved happily at him, showing she wasn't fazed by him, "—forced you to go but the stuff is heavy."
"Then, how about I take Koro-chan with us?" Fuuka suggested as Koromaru yipped happily as she flashed a small smile at him. "See? Koro-chan likes that. And it'll kill two birds with one stone."
Fuuka knows how efficient Shinjiro likes to be, so maybe this would show him how she thinks on her toes? Shinjiro knew he wouldn't say no to Koromaru or Fuuka, so he simply nodded. "At least get his leash and I'll meet you outside." Shinjiro walked towards the door as Fuuka began to reach for Koromaru's leash. She felt her heart jump as Minako move towards her and sat down with Koromaru on the ground.
"I knew it would work!"
"Minako-chan, how has Shinjiro-senpai not gotten back at you? You are immune to everything he says or does to you." Fuuka stated as she latched the leash on the calm and collected Koromaru as Minako grinned.
"Because he knows that I'm dating Akihiko and he has to treat me good. Er, well sort of. He knows I'm strong willed and won't be able to stop me easily."
Fuuka gave her a look of "you have GOT to be kidding me" and shook her head. "I don't know why you have it in for Shinjiro-senpai and I. He sounds like a loner and doesn't feel like bothering with…" Fuuka got up from her spot and her thoughts crossed her mind. The times where Lucia calmed Castor down, and the time her persona went berserk—she wondered if it was because of their Personas that they united quickly. No one else's Persona called out for Fuuka and/or Lucia. Only Castor and she began to wonder if maybe there was some history?
Like, maybe she knew Castor and Polydeuces because Castor was mortal and Polydeuces was immortal?
She shook her head, knowing she was over thinking this. She stood up slowly and walked towards the door with Koromaru in tow. "At least a walk will be good for us." Fuuka pointed out to Koromaru as he barked happily and they left the dorm, relieved to see that Shinjiro had not left them behind.
Fortunately for Koromaru, and Shinjiro, they only had one bag of dog food left. But, since it was enough for a couple weeks, Shinjiro would have to go back after the full moon boss and get some more for Koromaru. To end their night, Fuuka suggested that they go to the shrine and let Koromaru loose. Then again, it was the one place Koromaru loved to go to besides the dorm. Surprised to see the shrine empty before the sunset, Fuuka took a seat on the bench near the sandbox. She let out a heavy sigh as Shinjiro unleashed Koromaru and joined her at the bench.
Gosh, you can cut the silence with a knife. Fuuka thought to herself as she kept her eyes to her hands in her lap, not knowing Shinjiro was itching closer to her. He had no clue why he was moving towards the smallest girl in SEES; suddenly, he moved away and felt his cheeks heating up. Fuuka sensed his weight change on the bench as she turned towards him, her head tilting.
"Too cold to sit?"
"Not really—er, just thought you wanted some room. Away from me or something." Shinjiro retorted as Fuuka felt her a small smile appear on her lips and turned to face straight ahead.
"If you are sure, Shinjiro."
He began to protest, but then grumbled some words and moved back next to Fuuka. She chuckled softly as she crossed her ankles and looked down at her crossed legs. "I know we haven't talk much, outside the dorm and out of Tartarus, but…" Fuuka closed her eyes, trying to organize her thoughts. "…Minako-chan is itching to get us…"
To talk? To date? To kiss? She wants us to do everything it seems.
"…to convey our feelings to each other?" Her words out like vomit, knowing that might make things a bit more awkward than before. "I-I know you have your secrets and I feel I shouldn't pry. But, could I at least let you know about me? The only people who know about my past is Mitsuru-senpai and Ikutsuki-San."
Shinjiro raised an eyebrow, wondering how secretive Fuuka really could be. "Minako has her reasons as to why she'd want us…to, uhh, 'hang out' but I'd like to know more about you. If you don't mind telling me. I feel privileged to be the third person to know about your past."
Fuuka wondered if he was mocking her, but decided to play devils advocate with him and humor him. She watched Koromaru lay next to her feet as she felt herself sigh softly. "Then again, it's a snore fest. But, I'll condense my life down for you in a few minutes." She moved herself a bit closer to Shinjiro so that Koromaru was more comfortable on the ground than on her feet.
"I am an only child of parents who are alive, and are both in the medical profession. I have been in and out of hospitals since I was little. We lived in a beautiful town about 2 hours from here that was near a lake. My parents couldn't figure out what would make me sick every other month. So, they decided to move to Iwatodai and see if I would get better." Fuuka sighed as she leaned her head back on the bench. "It took me until moving here that I'll be sick, no matter what. That it wasn't the atmosphere poisoning me, but my parents. They made sure I studied until I passed out."
Shinjiro turned his body towards Fuuka, a bit intrigued. "I was always top 5 in my classes, but it never seemed to be good enough for them unless I was top 3 or the top of my class. And I was so stressed out I didn't realize how bad I was losing my focus on the world. When Natsuki-chan and her friends bullied me, it was weird, but it made me realize how tiny I felt. I know they were jealous of me—but," she turned her attention towards Shinjiro, and flashed him a small smile, "if you wasn't there when Yukari, Junpei, or Minako was trying to find information about me, then I probably wouldn't awake to Lucia or I could be dead—I-I wouldn't know what would happen, to be honest." She felt herself getting flustered over Shinjiro saving her, again, unknowingly. Fuuka bit her lip and shook her head, lowering her head and scratching her cheek.
"And when Mitsuru-senpai offered me a place in the dorm, I jumped on it. Yukari-chan has no clue why I jumped on it, but to be freed from my mother and father—to be able to think and feel for myself—was a blessing in disguise."
"I've never known what it was like to have a mother or father." Shinjiro's words cut the air like a knife as Fuuka stared at him, surprised something like that came out of his mouth. "I don't think you or many others know, but Aki and I were friends in a nearby orphanage. I can barely recall my parents and what they look like." He began with as he felt himself leaning back into the bench.
"We were there for a couple years—Aki and Miki, Ali's sister, were never easy to split from another. Granted, I was the same with them. But, one spring day, there was a fire. I found out from Mitsuru, years later, it was an electrical fire—the damn orphanage was perfect and yet, it caused Akihiko to lose a sister."
Fuuka covered her lips, her eyes grew as she felt her heart drop. "Did they find…"
"Her body? I…" Shinjiro looked up at the sky and had a sullen look on his face. "We assumed she was ashes. After that, I think we were ushered off to another orphanage—Aki barely spoke a word for months. He eventually moved out of the orphanage and into the middle school dorms once he could. I know that's how he met Mitsuru. Me, on the other hand, left as soon I could and been living on the streets since."
Fuuka rubbed her arm and felt a bit embarrassed about the topic of bring up her parents. She felt herself feeling bad for Shinjiro. But knew he probably didn't want to feel bad for himself. It's Shinjiro anyway.
"So, how did you get into SEES?" Fuuka cautiously asked and lowered her eyes, and then watched as Shinjiro got up and he put his hands in his pockets.
"…I remember Aki coming up to me, and he said that this Mitsuru Kirijo person pulled him off to the side before practice and he had the potential. He said he wouldn't join unless I lived in the dorm." He looked up at the sky, his shoulders sinking inward, and shook his head. "I didn't want to join. I didn't want any pity. Until that night:"
Shinjiro turned towards Fuuka, their eyes interlocking as she felt her heart pounding in her ears. "I awoke to my Persona. I wasn't sure why or how it happened—just that I remembered Castor made me shiver with cold chills running down my arms. I thought I was cursed. But, I joined the next day, enrolled in middle school, and that was that." His gazes shot off to the side. "…I left in my first year of high school. I had to. I hurt someone in the process. And I couldn't live with the guilt." He partially lied. There was no way she needed to know. Not yet. Maybe never.
"I see." Fuuka stated softly, as she stood up in front of him. "I wish I met you sooner, then."
He raised an eyebrow. "Why? It could have been you who was injured."
"Because then we would not have been alone." Shinjiro stared at her, blinking a few times. "Think about: Kirijo-senpai and Sanada-senpai have each other, as well as Ken-kun and Koromaru, the twins and Aigis, and Yukari and Junpei. And that leaves us, you know? So, maybe that's why I feel connected to you." Fuuka mentioned outloud, her cheeks stained pink. "If I moved here sooner, then maybe I could have joined SEES quicker and I could have saved—"
"Don't finish that sentence."
Fuuka felt Shinjiro's hands on her shoulders as he closed his eyes and opened them slowly. He didn't meant to frighten her. "You could not have saved me from my doom."
Fuck. If I tell her about Ken's mother, then it leads to the suppressants, and then everything would go downhill and she wouldn't look at me the same.
"Shinjiro…" Fuuka's voice becoming more softer. She gripped his arm carefully and tenderly. Koromaru whined softly as he began to stand beside the two figures as he looked upward. The gears in Fuuka's head turning as she asked carefully, "why does your Persona go berserk? And…how have you been able to control him until—?"
Shinjiro felt himself sweating bullets mentally and physically. He was starting to wonder why the girl who envied him had to be smart and cunning. So, he did one of the things that Minako told him to do if you wanted to silence a female in the nicest way possible: compliment her, which is what Shinjiro did not do. He simply raised his voice at her.
"You don't need to know that, Fuuka! Why are you so damn curious about my life?"
Fuuka's eyes grew as Shinjiro never raised her voice at her—he almost coddled her a little. So, she felt as if she had to be defensive herself and began to raise her voice too.
"Excuse me!? Because it seems that everything that happens to you, you never tell me! And why am I always the last to know?"
"Why do you want to know about my Persona?"
"Because I am the navigator of the group and I need to know how everyone is!"
"If you want," he used his height to lean over Fuuka, towering over her, "I could just show you the power of Castor going truly berserk." His height loomed over her and his voice was as low as a lion's roar—Fuuka felt herself cowering in fear as she could feel tears ready to sting her eyes. Fuuka cared so much about everyone, including Shinjiro, and yet he was putting up a huge wall over himself. "You know, I never ask about what you are up to on a daily basis. So why should I give a damn what you do!? I'm never curious about it!" Shinjiro's yelling got a bit louder with anger crawling into his words.
She felt herself biting her bottom lip as she tried not to show how she felt weak again. It took Shinjiro a few seconds to process what he said to her and just how nasty it sounded. Her eyes began widening, her lips trembling as her tears fell to the ground and harshly clashed against her cheeks.
"F-Fuuka, wait—I didn't—"
Fuuka barely mustered enough strength to put all of her weight into her foot to slam it down on Shinjiro's foot. He never experienced a pain quite like that—and he wasn't expecting that type of pain to hurt him so much. But Fuuka's pained face was something that tore at his heart.
"F-fine. Keep your secrets." Her voice squeaking as she felt her voice leaving her body, as she kept her head down and her hands gripping her shirt around her chest. "Just take Koromaru…a-and the dog food and leave. I'll b-be fine."
"Fuuka, I'm so—"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Fuuka cried out as she turned her body away from Shinjiro and buried her face in her hands. Shinjiro didn't realize how dark he could have gotten, and yet, he felt like an ass. He felt his hand try to reach out to her—he didn't want to leave her alone, literally, at the shrine. With Takaya and Jin still running around, who knows where they could pop up. He knew that thinking of trouble landed to trouble appearing.
Shinjiro felt himself getting exhausted and frustrated. After a few seconds of no one speaking, leaving Fuuka's last words echo through the air, he grabbed the leash that Koromaru came with and hooked him up. "Let's go, Koromaru." He spoke softly as Koromaru looked up at Fuuka. Fuuka turned her body down and towards Koromaru, her eyes flickering up strongly at Shinjiro.
"Actually, I'll take Koromaru." She spat at Shinjiro as he quickly gave her the leash, noticing a tear staining her cheek, as she began her fast paced walk towards the dorm. Shinjiro followed behind, with a considerable distance between them, as he began to kick himself in the butt.
Minako is going to fucking kill me. She even did what she could to give me this chance. And I fucked it up, again.
Shinjiro's thoughts went a bit darkly, wishing deep down he could stop messing things up whenever anything is given to him. He kicked a pebble, watching it skid away from him, and knew he should be able to fix this. Granted, he just told Fuuka he didn't want to know about her life as much as she wanted to learn about his.
Shit. She really likes me. Really REALLY likes me. Oh, I am screwed.
He shook his head, watching Fuuka entering the dorm as he had to readjust the dog food on his shoulder. He gulped as he could barely make out a feminine voice—as the door slammed behind her, Shinjiro knew he was doomed the moment he entered the dorm and saw Minako's back as she unhooked Koromaru from his leash. Hearing the door click, Minako turned on her heel as she threw the leash off to the couch and got up on her feet, her foot tapping as Shinjiro prepared to get yelled at.
"Shinjiro… I do everything I could to get you both together. So, why is it that I see Fuuka coming in and her cheeks wet with tears?" Minako slowly said, her frustration building up inside of her, as she tried to stay calm. The glare was enough to make anyone quiver in their feet. "What happened?"
Shinjiro's head lowered as he dropped the bag of dog food right by the couch. "I just said the wrong thing. She wanted to know about the orphanage and my life and I snapped at her because she kept pushing!" He exclaimed as he pulled his beanie off, running his fingers through his hair. "I tried to apologize, but she didn't want to hear any of it."
Minako whacked the back of his head. Shinjiro winced as she felt herself rubbing her temple. "Listen, I knew Akihiko was really bad at establishing relationships, but I thought you would be a bit better. Please tell me you want, no, will fix it."
He nodded slowly as he kept his hand in his hair. "I do, but I'm not sure how. What if I fuck up again?"
Minako gave him a small smile and put her hand on his shoulder. "Well, hopefully third time's the charm—let's go to my room and we will write down ideas and talk about it. I'll make sure you don't mess up this time."
Fuuka has a hard time unlocking her door with her bedroom key. She had to wipe away the tears from her eyes as Yukari exited Mitsuru's room, talking about something related to school, as she noticed Fuuka having a hard time opening her door.
"Fuuka?" She called out as she turned her face towards Yukari, as she wiped her face again. "Let me help, okay?"
Fuuka nodded as she held up her key and backed away from her door as Yukari opened the door and turned back to Fuuka. "Thank you, Yukari." Fuuka's voice was calm as she entered the room and had Yukari stand in the entrance way.
"Fuuka, do you want to talk about it?" Yukari asked as Fuuka nodded her head, realizing that she wouldn't mind a listening ear, even if it's from the one person she wasn't expecting to help her.
After sitting down on her bed and taking a moment to try to calm herself down and relax, and blowing her nose a few times, Fuuka took a deep breath and composed herself long enough to talk to Yukari. "So, Shinjiro and I went to the shrine, to walk Koromaru because he loves the place." Yukari nodded, knowing Koromaru would go live there if he could. "We sat down and let Koromaru roam around as we talked. I mentioned my past and how I moved to the city. Shinjiro mentioned about how Akihiko-senpai and him met up, and we talked about his family as well." Fuuka stopped as she wondered if she should divulge Yukari in his past. "And then when I told him if I moved here sooner, perhaps I could have saved him from his doom that his past brought him. I then asked him why his Persona went berserk and how did he control it before I came around and—"
Yukari picked up the cue and nodded slowly. "And he got mad and basically shut you off immediately?" Fuuka nodded. "Well, Shinjiro-senpai always seemed to be the quiet looming one. You were trying to change that, and perhaps it was too much for him. Granted, I don't know him as well as our other senpais, but I could only assume. Maybe he has some demons that he doesn't want no one to know."
"But, how come I can open up and tell him about me when he won't even tell me the simplest of things, like his favorite color or food." Fuuka retorted as Yukari shook her head.
"Boys are complicated. From what I've gathered, I think you BOTH need to apologize. Him, because he should listen and not shut you down. And you, Fuuka, because you should have dropped the subject when he didn't want to answer. Then again, he tried to apologize and you wouldn't let him have a word out." Yukari crossed her arms and felt herself feeling conflicted. Should she really speak the truth? "I think you have a higher reason to apologize. Yes," she held a finger up before Fuuka could protest, "he was in the wrong. But, you didn't stop and think of the consequences, did you? And that isn't like you."
Fuuka didn't like when Yukari spoke the truth. Because most of the time, she was right. Fuuka laid back in her bed and closed her eyes, her arm draped over her eyes. "Oh no. You ARE right. I think and then speak. And yet, I spoke and didn't think about his feelings at all. Everything was so heated I just wanted to know more about him."
"Because you love him?"
"Because I lo—" Fuuka sat up quickly and felt her cheeks heating up. "I-I don't want to say those words outloud just yet. He hasn't said it to me, s-so I don't want to jinx myself." She stated matter-of-factly and turned towards Yukari. "I do, but I know he won't say it verbally. It's Shinjiro after all."
Yukari did a small nod and pulled Fuuka up to her feet and joined her. "Correct—and the only way to fix this and win his heart is by letting him know you are sorry." She walked her to the door and began to open it. "Besides, I'm sure he feels the same way."
"Really?" Fuuka asked, a small smile on her lips appeared as her heart beat a little quickly. She walked towards the door as she nodded slowly. "I should be the bigger person and apologize first." Fuuka popped her head and body out together as she saw out of the corner of her left eye Shinjiro and Minako leaving her room, smiles on their face, and a disfigured Shinjiro putting on and buttoning his pea coat.
Yukari poked her head out of Fuuka's room as she saw Fuuka standing still and looking at her left. She was about to ask until she saw Shinjiro and Fuuka's eyes locked in a heated gaze. Yukari knew this was going to be another ruined chance for Fuuka to attain happiness. Fuuka felt her hands moving together in front of her, trying her hardest to think and not act, over and over in her head. The silence was heavy and the tension was dense—Minako began to speak but Shinjiro put a hand in front of her, shaking his head and knowing he would have to explain.
"It's not—"
"—what it looks like?" Fuuka finished Shinjiro's sentence as he felt as if Fuuka's aura was becoming heated and yet, felt like a Mitsuru execution with the icy glare she gave him that was full of pain. She felt her bottom lip trembling as she felt her heart drop and her eyes swelling up with tears again. Once again, she felt weak and defenseless, all over a boy she fell for and has broken her heart.
