An update for you beautiful people :)

Just want to put a trigger warning at the beginning here that eating disorders are discussed in this installment.

S : Shape of You - Ed Sheeran
Requested by FrenchBenzo

I'm in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body
And last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with your body

Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Oh—I—oh—I—oh—I—oh—I
I'm in love with your body
Every day discovering something brand new
I'm in love with the shape of you

When Clarissa Morgenstern was fifteen, she stopped eating.

Not completely, but she stopped enough that her already petite frame lost the little weight that it held and her cheeks went from rosy apples to gaunt.

Her parents were going through a nasty divorce—turned out that her mother was seeing her father's partner on the force, Luke Garroway, and her father was out for blood—and her brother had decided to drop out of school and join the army, given he was now eighteen and he wanted to get away from the whole mess that their home life was now. Simon Lewis had gotten an internship at an accounting firm that his parents full heartedly endorsed, given that was what he wanted to get a degree in once he left school, so they were glad he could get a jump start. Her grades were steadily declining in her classes because she just couldn't focus with everything that was happening at home and every time she got in front of her easel, which was usually her escape that helped with everything, she just drew a blank.

All she saw was helplessness in a swirling, black pit.

So to try and get some semblance of control, she limited her eating.

She didn't realize people around her were even paying attention, because it felt as though she was completely alone, with her parents and her brother and Simon focusing on other things.

But Jace Herondale noticed.

The guy next door who she used to be friends when she was younger but as they grew up, they had just grown apart.

He noticed and it helped.

When Clary was eighteen, she was just starting to come out the other side.

It had been a long progress, which had involved her weight dropping below eighty pounds and her being admitted to hospital on and off for almost two months and having to take her classes by correspondence for a while. Her parents had come through for her, putting aside their differences to support her. Her brother also got in contact with her as much as he could, skyping her through his boot camp and from the base once he was deployed. Simon didn't understand a lot—but neither did Clary, most of the time—but he loved her, and showed her that. She also got close with another girl who went to the same group therapy that she did, Kaelie Whitewillow, which helped.

And then there was Jace.

Clary didn't think she would have ever made it through without Jace.

He made sure she always had a ride to her group therapy, always had support after her appointments with her psychologist. He never watched her when she was eating in the same way that her parents did, but she also never pushed things around her plate and underneath her napkin or dropped them on her lap to hide later like she did with her parents and the doctors.

Part of that was because she didn't want to disappoint him, and that was something that she worked on with the psychologist, because she couldn't get better for Jace, she had to get better for her.

And so she did.

It was hard, and she cried a lot, and sometimes she slipped up, and things got so much that she stopped eating for full days at a time and it felt as though she was right back where she was three years ago.

But she was stronger than she had ever given herself credit for, and even though it took her longer than she thought it would, she had graduated high school and she was going off to NYU to pursue her art career. She was still living at home, she was going to commute from home, something that she had chosen to do, although the relief was very evident on her mothers face when she had told her. Jace was moving out, so was Simon, and her psychologist had said that it was up to her at the end of the day; it would be a good step forward for her, give her a lot of independence, but she was also going to be starting university, which was something completely new, and maybe having something solid, like her home with her mum, would be a good thing to return to at the end of each day.

It was for the best.

She was happy with her decision.

When Clary was twenty-one, she was she pretty sure she weighed the most that she ever had in her life.

That wasn't to say that she was heavy, because she most definitely wasn't, but when she finally took a minute out of her very busy schedule to look at herself in the mirror, she realized that she was a bit more rounded than she was before. She hadn't stepped on the scales since she was nineteen, at her last hospital appointment where Jace had been holding her hand the entire time, but she dragged a set out of one of the boxes in her spare room and stepped onto them.

One hundred and twenty pounds.

There was no sinking feeling in her stomach.

There was no panicking squeeze of her heart.

She got off the scales and walked back into the bathroom and looked at her reflection again.

Her cheeks were a little flushed, since she had just gotten back to the apartment after her morning jog with Maia Roberts, one of the girls who was in her uni class. She actually had breasts now, that were pressing against the sports bra she had on under her grey singlet—and they weren't tiny things either, they were actually a decent shape—something that Jace praised on an almost nightly basis as his mouth worshiped them. Her stomach wasn't flat, it had a slight curve, but only a slight one. She couldn't count every single one of her ribs. When she turned side on, she had a bit of an ass as well.

Jace came into their bathroom, raising his eyebrows at her as he looked at the way she was staring at himself. Clary's eyes slid from the mirror and to Jace, and he saw that there was slight apprehension there.

He was worried that she was being critical of herself.

She wasn't.

She went out at least twice a week for dinner; with Jace, with one of her parents, with Kaelie, with Jace's cousins—Alexander and Isabelle Lightwood—or with one of their other friends. She had fun and she had a full meal, and she would always order dessert, even if it was to split with someone else.

She didn't count the calories.

She ate healthy, but if she was going out on a coffee date with Magnus Bane, who was taking the same classes as her, she would add extra sugar to her coffee and she would order one of the fudge brownies that she loved so much.

She went for jogs with Maia and her and Isabelle had a standing yoga date.

She looked after herself.

"You're fucking gorgeous," Jace told her, his voice gravelly, and as Clary met his eyes, she believed him. She smiled, before wrapping her arms around him and kissing him hard. He easily lifted her up and put her ass on the edge of their vanity unit, quickly stripping them both of their clothes.

When Clary was twenty-six, she was pregnant.

She was going to be having two little babies, a boy and a girl, wrapped around each other in her stomach. She was only a month off her due date, but her midwife and doctor both expected her to go into labor within the next few weeks.

Weight wasn't something that crossed her mind.

Jace doted on her hand and foot, his excitement clear on his face whenever he looked at her.

Sometimes it got just a smidge frustrating, because he wouldn't even let her do the dishes or tie her own shoes, but when she got home from work—she was determined to work right up until the moment she couldn't get herself up—with swollen feet and an aching back, she was never more grateful.

She grumbled about the stretch marks on her sides, but it was never anything serious.

She sighed about having to get new bras because she was bursting out of her own, but she enjoyed shopping for maternity ones with her mother and Kaelie.

And Jace smoothed his hands over her shoulders, down her arms, over her rounded stomach and then around her thighs, resting on her ass, on a daily basis, whispering his love for her over and over again. They would be lying in bed at night, and he would have rubbed both of her feet thoroughly until they were no longer throbbing, and he would tell her what an incredible thing she was doing, bringing their babies into the world, and Clary would feel tears in her eyes.

She blamed pregnancy hormones, and that was definitely a big part of it, but she was just happy.

So happy.

There's been quite a bit of binge watching happening in this household, the Transformers series, all the Toy Story's, Schitts Creek, 24 and a lot of old RuPaul. Oh, and of course, Tiger King, which was just...One hell of a trip. Holy hell. What have you guys been watching?

And of course, my top ten songs this week;

1) Smiling When I Die - Sasha Sloan. 2) Why Are You Here - Machine Gun Kelly. 3) Who - Lauv featuring BTS. 4) Kissing Other People - Lennon Stella. 5) Fuck It I Love You - Lana Del Rey. 6) Hope Is A Dangerous Thing - Lana Del Rey. 7) On - BTS. 8) Forever - Fletcher. 9) No Time To Die - Billie Eilish. 10) Too Young - Louis Tomlinson.

I hope you're all staying safe and sane, wherever you are xx