Chapter 20 Yuletide Sorrow
The Yuletide began on the 6th of December, the day of St Nicholas.
Guests were expected from Bellevue but Elizabeth did not know when her sister would arrive from Newcastle. Although she had agreed to come, she had not specifically mentioned when in the singular letter Elizabeth had received since her sister had become a widow. Lydia was not an avid letter writer in any case but Elizabeth found it somewhat unsettling that she had not asked for coins. Who would have thought she could miss her sisters begging for a handout but she should have more reason to now, living on the small soldier's widow pension.
By midday, the Bingley carriage was spotted on the way up the driveway. It had been a month since the Darcys visited Bellevue and the reunion was thereafter. With fierce sisterly hugs and loud exclamations.
Little Charlie had healed from his colicky stomach and appeared as the angel he was with plump cheeks and a happy disposition.
Mary was talking about returning home to Longbourn after the Yuletide ended on twelfth night. Her devotees at the orphanage had not been forgotten when her service was no longer needed at Bellevue.
Tea was served in the dining room before they would exchange presents in the parlour. The door opened and Mrs Reynolds announced Mrs Wickham, into the room.
Elizabeth was stunned beyond speech when Lydia entered the parlour. She could not quite explain what she had expected from her youngest sister but whatever it was, it was certainly not this...
The elegant lady who entered bore little resemblance to the giggly hoyden that had left Longbourn over a year prior.
She wore a deep blue silk gown with a black silk shawl worn loosely over shoulders. Onyx stones shimmered in the candlelight from her neck and ears. A large one adorned her finger.
"Good evening," a deeper voice than Elizabeth remembered, uttered.
Elizabeth pulled herself together with great effort.
"Welcome to Pemberley, Lydia. Please, have a seat at the table. Frank, fetch my sister a plate and cutlery, please. You must be hungry from your travels. How is Newcastle, this time of year?"
Elizabeth was thrown off-kilter but realised she was babbling.
Lydia pulled off her glows in a tired manner.
"Positively dreary with all the family gatherings."
"Yes, I suppose it is much like everywhere else in the country, during the Christmas season." Lydia's soldier-wife friends must have left to visit family which is probably why she had deigned to visit in the first place.
"Still, it does not leave much room for diversion."
Elizabeth gathered that the old Lydia was not entirely lost behind her new sophisticated exterior. "Not much entertainment to be had during mourning though, Lydia."
Lydia snorted, "mourn that degenerate? I think not."
"Lydia!"
"Do not patronise me, Jane. You married Mr Bingley, the most amiable gentleman on earth." Lydia changed her gaze from Jane to Elizabeth. "And you, Lizzy, chose the dullest one. Mary is the only sensible among us. Never marry Mary, it is not worth the degradation. Kitty would probably accept anyone deigning to ask her. I fear she is a lost cause...
I have much more fun as a widow than I ever had as the wife of a lowly soldier. No man will ever persuade, trap or force me into matrimony for a second time."
"What about children, Lydia?"
Elizabeth could not claim any understanding of the indignity Lydia must have suffered to reach such a strong determination but she knew what she was missing.
"I cannot say I have any wish for children. Queen Anne's Lace seeds has proven effective in such matters although I can see the advice is a little late in coming, Lizzy."
Elizabeth felt her anger flare, only her husband's reassuring hand on hers, made her quench her acerbic retaliation.
"How do you like the partridge, Lydia?" Jane could always be counted on to come up with a safe topic.
"It is delicious, Jane." Lydia smiled sweetly and finally paid attention to the fare in front of her. She did not seem to have any scruples against fine dining.
Elizabeth had almost decided to invite Lydia on a prolonged stay if not a permanent one. Their short exchange made her sceptical about her own conclusion. She had Georgiana to take into consideration which reminded her that she would need to talk to her about the evening's revelations. Elizabeth was a firm believer that the number of children one had should be left in the hands of the Lord. No human being should interfere with natures course. It was important to her that Georgiana understood that although she did not vocalise her protests to Lydia in company, she did not condone the behaviour.
Lydia had finished her meal and Elizabeth rose to lead the party to the red parlour, forgoing the separation of the sexes. Opting to exchange gifts instead.
The richly coloured walls made it warm and inviting for an intimate Christmas party.
She had bought warm winter muffs for all her sisters. Mr Bingley was offered a new fishing rod to use in his lake and her husband was gifted a new hunting knife she had purchased secretly at Kaupanger.
She had an extra gift for her husband that was to be given in the privacy of her chambers. Her cheeks warmed at the thought. Scandalous as it was...
Elizabeth received a book, ribbons and handkerchiefs from her sisters. Darcy gifted her a lovely set of rubies from the Darcy vault of exquisite jewellery. The stones had been given a new setting more to Elizabeth's taste than the original.
She could not help herself... Her appreciation for the extravagant gift overflowing, she flung her arms around him and kissed Darcy on the lips. A chaste kiss but nonetheless observed by their closest relations. Charles whistled, Jane gasped while her three other sisters giggled. Elizabeth blushed crimson, stealing gazes at her husband who seemed, all together, unperturbed by her public show of affection.
Later that evening, Elizabeth donned some garments she had purchased a long time ago at Madame du Barry's. She had been too embarrassed to use them but figured it was time for bravery. The certainty that her husband would appreciate the whitework short stays that did not cover the most essential, combined with long silk stockings with white ribbons was the perfect combination of innocence and risky.
She donned the garments with Linney's aid and dismissed her lady's maid for the night. Standing in front of the reflection glass she felt utterly stupid. She had pondered if she should hurry her toilet to drape herself seductively on the bed or saunter in after her husband had entered. Looking at her own reflection made her aware that her seductive days was most certainly over. Her belly made the splits on her short stay look maternal and the dark rosebuds peaking over her stays looked like the stays had been made a little to snug, not enticing. Elizabeth stroked her belly and sighed. She could not remove the stays that were laced at the back without calling back Linney who she had told would not be needed any more this night.
Elizabeth turned sideways, trying to see her back to gauge if she could manage but her loosened hair, fell down her back and covered the lacing. She lifted her hair...
"Need any help?"
Darcy was standing on the threshold of their adjoining door. Leaning up against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles. He was dressed in his nightshirt, who tented at the significant location.
Elizabeth had no idea how long he had stood there, admiring her, but he was fully blooded and the observation made her bold. She let her hair fall softly down her back and sauntered to her husband's side.
"I believe that you are in greater need of aid than I, love." She let her hands rest lightly on his chest and trailed her fingers on the top of his arm before she strolled past him. Well aware that he liked the view. She looked back at him, over her shoulder as she put one foot on the bed.
"You may help me untie the ribbons on my stockings..."
"Always at your service, mam."
"Good, because I believe I am in need of kiss as well..."
Elizabeth tried to corner Lydia for three days before her slippery sister failed in dodging her efforts.
"Do not for one minute believe that I do not wish you the best Lydia but I do not understand how you can afford your jewels, fine gowns and keep a house when you have so often needed a little coin to tie you over the butcher bills and the like, in the past. Yet you do not seem to need anything after leaving the barracks, into a much more expensive home?"
"It is not my home, Lizzy."
"No, I suppose you are leasing but still..."
"I am not, it is at my disposal with servants and a fully stocked pantry. My attire and jewellery are gifts."
"Pray, explain to me why anyone would leave a home at your disposal and buy you expensive gifts? Unless you are..."
Lydia just looked Elizabeth steadily in the eyes.
"Please, tell me you are not..."
Still no response from Lydia.
"There is no reason, Lydia. If you do not want to live here we can figure something out. Find you a cottage with a companion, whatever you like. I am sure."
"Stop it, Lizzy. It is too late for that. You know as well as I that I cannot come here ever again. I like my new life but I am aware of what harm it could cause my sisters. I have not once mentioned that I am a Bennet nor flaunted any connections to Longbourn, Pemberley or Bellevue.
I get all the perks of a husband though with none of the disadvantages."
"Like security or children?"
"Nothing is really certain in life, Lizzy. If marrying Wickham has thought me anything, it is exactly that. I am putting a little aside for the rainy days..."
"You know I will always help you in any way I can, Liddy but..."
"I know! I did not want to come but you kept pestering me to visit and peppered me with letters. I thought if I came for Christmas you could see for yourself that I was well. You may leave off now. I guess I worried a little that you might show up on my doorstep at an inconvenient moment when Henry was at home..."
"Henry... I suppose he has a wife and children."
"He does..."
"He is never going to leave them for you Lydia "
"Dear God, I hope not. I want my independence."
"What if the wife and children show up on your doorstep?"
"Very unlikely. The factory he has in Newcastle is only one of his many businesses. She has never been to any. They live in Sussex so there is very unlikely she would turn up where he might not even be at the moment. He owns the..."
"Stop, Lydia. I do not want to know who he is."
"Why not?"
"If I am ever introduced to him or worse, his wife and children. I would like to look them in the eyes without the mental image of my sister destroying their lives."
"You are so melodramatic, Lizzy. You have nothing to worry about. Your husband is practically devouring you with his eyes. He will not stray, not yet anyway."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"All marriages falter sooner or later. In your instance, I believe it will be later."
"I believe that in our instance, it will be never." A deep baritone interrupted their private interlude from the door. "I thought I heard your voice, Elizabeth. It is time for your midday rest." Darcy stretched his hand to Elizabeth, who took it and let him pull her to her feet. A little assistance came in handy these days.
"Have you told Jane?" Elizabeth inquired as she was about to leave the room.
"No, I leave it up to you how much to divulge."
Darcy escorted Elizabeth to their chamber where she told her husband the entire sordid tale. They agreed that this would be Lydia's last visit to Pemberley. It would only give rise to speculation if they sent her off ahead of time but they could not risk their other sisters' reputation by associating with the mistress of a tradesman. Not that they would not aid her should the need arise but Lydia had chosen her path knowing the sacrifices it would cost her.
The Yule log and greenery was not gathered until Christmas Eve but the ornaments for a special Bennet tradition was made in the in-between days. Many thought that the Christmas tree had been brought to England by Queen Charlotte in 1800 but this custom was not new to the Bennets who had a German grandmother.
Since all the ornaments were still at Longbourn, Elizabeth had to make new ones. All the sisters gathered in Elizabeth's particular parlour and made wax dolls decorated with muslin gowns and beaded necklaces for the females while the male was appropriately attired as gentlemen. They made strings of almond and raisins. Tied ribbons to dried slices of oranges and apples. Elizabeth had even ordered the local silversmith to make tinsels in silver and the blacksmith to make tiny candle holders with pins to fasten on the branches of the yew tree that would be selected on Christmas Eve. All the ladies were thus occupied for days. At last, they made the tiny candles for the tree themselves. It was a tradition, mistress of the house or not...
Christmas Eve was the day to gather greenery to decorate the inside of the house, collect the Yule log and Christmas tree.
At supper in the evening, the Yule log was lit by Darcy and would burn, hopefully, as long as the twelfth night.
Christmas day was spent at service in the church followed by an elaborate dinner. The church in Lambton was filled to the brim. Rumours circulated that the Darcys were at home this Christmas and everyone wanted a glimpse of the new Mrs Darcy.
Lydia wore all black to church, she even had a little vail on her hat. Playing the part of grieving widow to perfection.
At Christmas dinner at Pemberley, they served venison from their own forest and a flaming Christmas pudding. Followed by parlour games that nobody had the vigour to participate in after the heavy meal. Instead, they gathered around the piano where Georgiana played whilst the others sang Christmas Carols.
St Stephens day was the day for charity. All the servants had their day off. Boxes with gifts were handed out to their staff in the morning. Darcy and Elizabeth drove around with the boxes to the tenants themselves. Spending most of the day, showing their gratitude towards all the people that worked tirelessly for them.
The New Year came and went. Nothing untoward had happened but Elizabeth was apprehensive about the possibility of her sister's secret being discovered. It was beginning to take its toll on her. She was looking forward to twelfth night and the end of her families visit with anticipation. She had initially planned a small ball but fortunately had not sent out the invitations yet when Lydia divulged her new occupation. The plan had been shelved for a later date and a small family party had been agreed upon in its stead. In addition to Lydia's disgrace, she had her own to occupy her thoughts. The time for her confinement drew nearer and she could not avoid that her thoughts occasionally strayed to her birth mother. Heaven forfend if both scandals should erupt at once. She would single-handedly destroy her husband's reputation, perhaps forever. The stellar Darcy name would be dragged through the mud and land with a thud in the gutter because Fitzwilliam Darcy had chosen to marry a simple country maiden. Her thoughts was too maudlin to bear mentioning in her husband's presence.
She had not confided in any of her sisters. Jane was too honest to entrust with a secret. Lydia had not been an option for many reasons but Elizabeth had contemplated confiding in Mary. She could keep a secret but Elizabeth felt that the knowledge of such a burden, she could not ladle upon her sister just because she was trustworthy.
It was the day before the holly and greenery would be taken down and burnt when an express rider was seen approaching in a wild gallop.
The horse and rider skidded to a halt at the bottom of the steps of the portico. The rider dismounted and ran up the stairs, taking two steps at the time.
This scenario was watched with trepidation from the blue parlour where the kissing bow was currently being taken down.
"Fitzwilliam?" Elizabeth called from her advantage point by the window. Darcy came up beside her and followed the aim of her gaze.
"I will tend to it." Darcy left the ladies but he soon returned past the door, talking to someone with a voice she knew. She heard the door shut on what she guessed was the study.
"Excuse me a moment," she addressed her sisters and left them with their assignment. She was not allowed, by her firm husband, to climb any chairs nor ladders to retrieve the now sad looking greenery, anyhow. She was easily dismissed.
Elizabeth approached the study, muffled voices emanated through the door but she could not discern what they were saying. Undecided, she stood with her hand raised, ready to knock on the door when it opened on its own.
"Elizabeth, I was coming to fetch you. Two souls of one mind," Darcy added like an afterthought.
A gentle hand on the small of her back guided her inside.
She slowly approached the obviously grieving man. The sight told her that all hope was lost.
Richard sat, wet from the snow and dishevelled from his ride with his head in his hands, sobbing in a chair in front of Darcy's desk. Fitzwilliam looked utterly lost.
"Anne..."
Elizabeth immediately understood and knelt before Richard, clasping his hand.
"I am so sorry for your loss, Richard. I cannot even imagine the pain you must suffer..."
"Thank you, Elizabeth. Grief is like a furious ocean with monster waves washing over you. I should be like a mountain, unfazed by the howling gales but I am not. I am the little boat, tossed around like I was nothing, seconds away from being pulled down to the bottom of the sea. "
"The babe?" Elizabeth had to know, regardless of the pain she must be causing, dreading the reply.
"It was too early..." Richard sobbed. Unashamed of showing his emotions in front of his closest family.
"She lived when I left but she was too small, Elizabeth. She is probably gone now...
Anne wanted to call her Elizabeth. She said the name would add strength and courage to her character. Being named after a Queen and the fearless Mrs Darcy."
"Some babes make it, even though they are born a month premature."
"It is more than a month, Elizabeth. No, it is hopeless..."
"Who is caring for the child at the moment?"
"Mother Catherine and Mrs Collins are doing everything they can but I know in my heart that their attempts will be futile. It is my punishment for acting rash and selfishly. Heedless of the repercussions it would have for my Anne. It is better that I am not there when her time comes."
"We both know that is not true, Richard. Regardless, I refuse to believe that the almighty would let an innocent child pay for any perceived sins of its parents. Society might but not the Lord who asked the small children to come to him...
Let me think..."
Elizabeth let go of Richard's hands, sat back on her haunches and worried her lips with her fingers. Her eyes flickered while a solution came to mind. It might be futile but Elizabeth was not ready to give up on the child of her friend until all hope was lost.
"Order the carriage, Fitzwilliam. We are going to Rosings."
"So near your confinement? Absolutely not! I will go with Richard if you insist but..."
"I have three months still to go, Mr Darcy."
"Ha, two and a half at the most."
"Plenty of time then..."
A glaring competition ensued. Elizabeth rose heavily from the floor and approached her husband with her hands planted firmly on her hips.
"I will tell Mary to pack up and go with us."
"I can escort Mary back to Longbourn if she so wishes," Darcy retorted.
"She is not for Longbourn, she must come with us. She has experience in saving a babe with little hope of surviving. She rescued an infant that was left on the thread of the Meryton church. We need her."
"Truly?" It was Richard who had found his voice.
"Yes, she volunteered at the orphanage in Meryton when Mrs Shirley broke her arm. They found an emancipated infant on the thread of the church which she nursed back to health when others had quite given up on the child. Babes, even new-borns, can be resilient."
"Richard and I will take Mary to Rosings while you rest at home, Elizabeth."
"Let Mary travel alone in a carriage with two gentlemen without a chaperon? I think not..."
"I will find a maid to accompany us."
"Yes, I would prefer to have Linney with me to Rosings."
"You are being deliberately obtuse, Elizabeth."
"Not at all, Mr Darcy. I believe that pleasure is all yours."
"I believe I should wash off some of all this road dust..." Richard excused himself. Belatedly aware that there was little dust in the winter but he did need to dry up and get out of earshot of the bickering master and mistress.
The Darcys paid him no mind in their ongoing battle of wills.
"Fine, we will take it slow," Darcy relented.
"Thank you!" Elizabeth kissed his cheek and was out of the door before her overbearing husband could change his mind.
She went in search of Mary first and begged her assistance. Mary agreed, pleased to be of service.
Next, she sought out Mrs Reynolds to prepare for a long absence from her duties and make arrangements for their travels.
Lastly, she informed Lydia and the Bingleys about their imminent travelling plans. Jane immediately offered to take Lydia home to Bellevue for the last few days of her visit. She was eager to show her youngest sister her new home while Lydia did not mind the change of scenery.
Farewells were exchanged at the evening meal. The Darcy carriage would leave at first light to utilise every minute of the short winter day. The Bingleys chose a more leisurely approach with the comforts of a babe to consider.
They entered Rosings Park, five days later. It had been a gruelling cold and unpleasant journey. Elizabeth had been wise not voice any complaints lest her husband should get the idea into his head of returning forthwith to Pemberley.
Lady Catherine met them in the foyer. Grief had aged her ten years. Large tears sprung from her eyes when she saw them enter.
"I knew you would come..."
Elizabeth approached her and grabbed her hands. Anxiety pooling at the pit of her stomach.
"Pray, tell me we are not too late. The babe?"
"She is hanging on but barely. I suspect she holds on to see her father."
"No, she is waiting for Mary. Thank you, Lord, for this mercy. Mr Cole, take my sister Mary to the babe."
Mr Cole gestured for the obvious stranger to follow him but Elizabeth found that she could not postpone their first meeting and decided to follow. She could learn from Mary and relieve her sister when needed.
The little girl was tiny. Her skin was practically translucent but she looked perfectly formed with a sweet countenance.
Mary went straight to the crib and touched the child.
"She is too cold, bring me some heating bottles. Three should suffice."
She lifted the infant from her crib and lay her on the exposed skin on her chest.
"She needs warmth."
"We are having a hard time feeding her. It is difficult to make her swallow and even harder for her to keep it down." Mrs Collins stepped forward from the shadows of the room."
"What have you been feeding her?"
"Cream, mostly..."
Mary turned to the butler who had ordered a footman to fetch heating bottles.
"Mr Cole, can you inquire if there is any goats milk to be had?"
"Certainly, Miss Bennet."
The Butler disappeared to investigate the possibilities for fresh goats milk.
Everyone deferred to Mary's wisdom, even Lady Catherine obliged her without many objections. Richard was the only one taking pains to avoid the nursery but he questioned Mary at every meal to his child's progress.
The first days there was little to report other than she seemed to respond better to goats milk than the cream from the cows. She was still tiny and fragile though but a wet nurse had been found. Providing the babe with adequate nourishment. Days turned to weeks before little Elizabeth, who all had agreed should go by the moniker Ellie to avoid confusion with her namesake, began to improve her weight.
"The lassies are always stronger than the lads," the wet nurse pronounced when the doctor had been particularly pleased with the progress. It earned her a scowl from the good doctor that encouraged her to keep her opinions to herself for the future.
By the middle of February, it was apparent that the babe had pulled through her first ordeal by smiling brilliantly. She showed a penchant towards Mary and her wet nurse, Agnes. Her adorable pout might make an appearance if anyone else picked her up, although she tolerated, Elizabeth and Lady Catherine more than the housekeeper and Mrs Collins.
Mr Darcy, however, was beginning to feel the urge to return his wife home to Pemberley, most keenly. He was certain the babe his wife carried was his heir although Elizabeth teased him frequently that she must deliver him five daughters before an heir could be expected. He would not mind a miniature version or five of Elizabeth's running around on Pemberley grounds but it was Darcy tradition to have the heir first and then a sister. In many of the generations past there had been only two children. Darcy fervently hoped that he and Elizabeth might be blessed with more but time would tell...
"Elizabeth?"
"I am in here," Elizabeth called from her dressing room. Darcy followed the sound and found Linney busy arranging her hair before dinner. Linney had witnessed many of their previous discussions, it would not deter Darcy. He had the utmost confidence in their current personal servants.
"We need to return to Pemberley, soon..."
"I agree."
Darcy had expected his wife to oppose and immediately got suspicious.
"Have you had any more pains?"
"No, no more than usual. Why do you ask?"
"Because you agreed a little too easily to my request to return home..."
Elizabeth turned in her chair to face her husband.
"I have no more wish than you to give birth at Rosings, Fitzwilliam. I want our children to be born at Pemberley."
"We are in agreement then?" Darcy showed the relief he felt on his countenance.
"Yes. I will ask Mary if she wants to go to Longbourn or back home with us, before dinner tonight."
Elizabeth turned out to be a little late for dinner that evening, as was her husband and emergency measures had to be taken to restore her elaborate hairstyle...
They hastened down to Lady Catherine's favourite parlour and were immediately directed to the dining room.
Darcy wasted no moments in announcing that their time had come to head home. Some protest was made but Darcy stood firm.
"Will you accompany us to Pemberley, Mary, or would you prefer Longbourn?"
"I..." Was all Mary could utter before she was interrupted.
"Absolutely not! Who would care for Ellie if Mary departed?" Surprisingly, it was Richard who objected to Mary's departure. He had spent more time in the nursery when the immediate danger of losing his child had passed. His observant mind had noticed Mary's quiet but particular care for his daughter and how everyone deferred to her opinion. Not to forget the child's marked preference. Mary was an unusual combination of unassuming but confident. She was pious but no longer recited Fordyce's sermons at every turn. The orphanage had opened her eyes to life's real struggles but also made her believe in her own abilities without having to lean on other peoples opinions.
"Mary cannot stay in a widowers household, Richard..." Elizabeth remarked, quietly.
His defence came from an unlikely source.
"Nonsense, she can stay with me. I am known for my interference in all matters, substantial or not. I am taking Mary under my wings to protect her from suffering by the comparison with her more beautiful sisters."
"Lady Catherine!"
"Aunt Catherine to you, Elizabeth. I am known for my frankness as well. I see no reason to change..."
"Please, Elizabeth. There is no need for a battle on my account. I have no use for beauty."
"You are very pretty Mary..."
"Thank you, Elizabeth but you are my sister and are obliged to speak well of me."
"I am not! I did not say you were not beautiful, Mary. I merely pointed out that you are not quite as beautiful as your sister. You do not suffer by comparison to most of the debutants of London, I dare say."
"Let us discuss more important matters than my appearance. I will be happy to stay and take care of Ellie until she is completely recovered, as your guest, Lady Catherine."
The matter agreed upon, they proceeded to discuss more inconsequential matters.
*Georgian Christmas tradition from (historic-UK).
