Levi was his own worst cockblock and he hated it.
Never mind the amount of times he and Eren had started to become heated with each other and then they heard a creak or footsteps that indicated that someone might be close by and they had been forced to pull apart. Those were far fewer than the times Levi had initiated them stopping what they were doing for some stupid reason that he couldn't quite comprehend.
Like right now.
All he had said when Eren came home from a job of clearing rodents from a nearby mine was that he looked stupidly attractive with all that dirt and soot staining his face and clothes. He had no idea where it had even come from or why he found it so attractive. Perhaps it was the trails of sweat glistening through the dirt and soot that had his mouth watering. Or maybe it was just because he had been in an odd mood lately, getting overly hot over the smallest things Eren did. All he had to do was laugh in a certain way, or wake up with bedhead and stubble and stumble drowsily to the breakfast table. Or step out of the shower in nothing but a towel with his body all rosy red in all the right places, or get close enough to Levi so that he could smell his thick scent, or-
He had to stop thinking, because it was just making the feeling worse.
But when he had asked Eren what could be wrong with him after describing his symptoms, his partner had simply thrown his head back, laughed as loudly as a jolly barbarian, and told him, "You're just itching for a storm of heaves, love. That's perfectly normal, especially for young men like us. I'm honored that I'm inciting such a reaction in you, honestly."
Well, that had made Levi red as a cheerful maid. It didn't help either when Eren had followed up his diagnosis with, "Whenever you'd like ride out that storm, you let me know, yeah? I'd be happy to help."
And so here they were, because Levi was a lustful fool who couldn't control his own urges and Eren was a horrible enabler, on his boy's bed, Levi pinned to the mattress while his partner hovered over him. The door was locked under the guise of Eren taking a nap so that no one would disturb them.
Levi's arms were wrapped around Eren's upper torso, stroking his thin white shirt while the boy kissed him hard, pushing his tongue into his mouth. He straddled him as well, placing a thigh against his groin temptingly, a silent offer for him to rut against it if he so chose. And once more, just like their last few heavy trysts, it didn't take much for Levi to get overwhelmed. He grew dizzy and began breathing hard, trying to pull himself closer to Eren but he couldn't ever seem to get close enough. No matter how many times they made out, just when he thought he got used to it, Eren would do something that would blow him away again and knock the wind out of him.
This time, his boy chanced pinching his nipples through his thin shirt, pulling them up into tiny peaks. And though it wasn't exactly pleasurable in the same way that kissing was, the slight pinch still went straight to his groin and he pushed his chest into Eren's hands.
"Jesus," he breathed. "Where did you learn that?"
Eren just snorted above him. "It's nothing really special, you silly. You don't think of your nipples as sensitive until someone else touches them."
He gave Levi a certain look, like he wanted to devour him, eyes going darker, before he pulled the neck of his shirt aside and down to expose one rosy nipple, and leaned forward to take it in his mouth. Levi bit his lip hard, so hard that he swore he was going to draw blood, determined not to make any sound so as not to alert anyone to what they were doing. His hands drifted to Eren's head, carefully holding him in place while he tightened his throat and squeezed his eyes shut, entire body tensing up as he fought to keep the pleasure inside.
Eren's tongue felt far too good, too wet, too warm, against that thin, sensitive flesh. He licked and laved at his nipple while he pinched the other one, and the two sensations had him reeling. Unable to help himself, he began rutting against his partner's leg, finding that he simply could not sit still. Eren gave a small groan of approval, before pressing his thigh more firmly against Levi's crotch, while he continued his ministrations to his chest. He even added his teeth sometimes, the tiny zing sending flushes of heat to Levi's groin. His head tilted back, and he was gritting his teeth so hard he was sure they were going to crack.
"You can make at least a little noise, love," Eren told him. "Just a bit. I want to hear you."
But Levi barely heard him. His face was flushed and his head was full of clouds, seeing the heaven that Eren always promised him whenever they were together like this. That wicked, frightening heat began to build in his belly again, and that so intense it was painful tingling rose and rose inside of him.
That shocked him out of whatever trance he was stuck in, and before he knew it, he was saying, "Stop…please. It's too much, I'm sorry, please don't hate me."
This tended to be the norm. Just as they both began to really get into it, just as Levi was about to reach the point of no return and Eren was about to follow him there, Levi would always force them to stop. He was still too afraid to ejaculate, not wanting to encounter the weakness and nausea that he knew would accompany it. He shook and shook, self-disgust and hatred welling up in him. Why was he like this? He could see that Eren was frustrated with him as he sighed pulled away, sitting back on his feet while Levi recovered. Or at least, he had to be. No he had never said so out loud, but why wouldn't he be frustrated with someone like Levi? Someone who was scared of sex, who had even heard of that?
"I don't hate you, Doll," Eren reassured him in the most tender voice he had ever heard. "How could I? I told you that we would go at your pace, and if I never get you out of your trousers, then that's fine. I'd rather have you as a person than be in your trousers anyway."
"Oh stop it," Levi said tightly, sitting up. He couldn't handle how sweet and virtuous Eren was being, especially when a tiny voice inside him told him that it just wasn't true. The more he refused to give Eren sex, the angrier the other boy was sure to grow with him and the more likely he was to leave him. "I just…I'm trying. I'm sorry. Just please don't leave me."
"I'm not- I'm not going to leave you," Eren replied, a bit in disbelief. "On the contrary, that should be my line. Perhaps that's why I'm trying to be so careful with you. I live with crippling fear that you'll leave me. Especially if I push you too hard, too fast."
He scooted up the bed, laying down on the pillow next to Levi while the other man righted himself, straightening up his clothes and running a hand through his hair. Eren studied him for a minute, waiting for him to say something. When he didn't, he decided to ask, "Do you mind telling me why you're so afraid? Of pleasure, when it gets too intense? Do you know the reason?"
Levi chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, unsure if he knew for sure or if he was just crazy. He played with the ends of his untucked shirttails, before placing a hand on Eren's head, running his fingers through his hair, showing him that he didn't bear him any ill will. Eren leaned into the touch like one of his dogs, and when Levi turned to look at him, he kind of looked like one of them too. His face was half buried in the pillow to the point that he could only see one green eye peeking at him, his messy brown hair fanning over the white pillow. Levi pushed it out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. He would say that Eren needed to get his hair cut, but he had to admit, he thought the longer hair looked good on him. It was getting long enough that sometimes Eren would tie it back, and that was more attractive than the older man cared to admit to himself.
"I suppose I can blame my parents for this one," Levi finally admitted. "I mean, our society as a whole tells us that sex of any kind is improper, even sex between married couples to a certain extent. One time my mother told me that if the man or woman felt any kind of pleasure during sex, especially the woman, then there was something wrong with them. It was improper, not to mention sinful and dirty, and either one of them could be sent to an asylum for it. Sex is strictly for procreation, my parents said. So any time I feel pleasure, I start to feel bad. Guilty. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. It's been drilled in me since I was young."
Eren clucked sympathetically at him, and placed a hand on his knee, rubbing little circles on it. "Ah, I've been told that too. I'm sure most of us have. I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. I did for many years too, until I became a regular visitor of the Laughing Fox and those fellows there taught me how to get rid of those inhibitions. Perhaps that's part of the reason inverts are demonized. We're more sexually liberated than our parents, and think that sex can be used for other things besides just procreation. People that love each other and are committed to each other especially should be able to have sex whenever they want, and should be able to share that pleasure together. I can see the merit until waiting until marriage where having children is concerned because you want them to grow up with two parents, but for people like us, we don't have to worry about that, so those rules don't apply to us. Do you see what I'm saying?"
The rules didn't apply to them…Levi rolled that sentence over and over again in his head. That's right. As people who were different from the mainstream citizens wandering around, looking to court someone of the opposite sex, he supposed that was true. The rules of sex and love were already different for them in one sense, so why not in another sense as well? Levi hummed in contemplation, still stroking Eren's hair.
"It's…It's okay if we feel pleasure during sex," Levi said hesitantly. "Because we're not trying to conceive a child. We're just in love and want to make each other feel good."
"Exactly." Eren nodded against his pillow. "Again, it took me years to get over my own fears, so it might take you years as well. But when you're ready, I'll be here."
Years? Levi shook his head. He was far too impatient to wait years for anything. Always had been. Even the thought of having to wait years to get his degree had annoyed him. No, he would get over this one way or the other, and soon.
After that failure, Levi began to develop a plan as to how he could conquer his fears. As much as he wanted to take giant leaps, he knew he was going to more than likely do baby steps instead. If he did too much too fast, it would most likely make things worse. Eren just touching him anymore, even just platonic, friendly touches while they were in the company of other people made him hot and stupid for him. This was getting ridiculous. He hated being such a mess, such a contradiction. If Eren touched him absently he wanted him, but when the boy gave him what he wanted he'd freeze up. So how could he get over this if even just touching him was becoming a problem?
Well, he supposed he would just have to come up with a solution that didn't involve touching.
Then, out of the blue, it came to him. He just sitting at work, an awkward place to be of course when thinking about sex, but his mind wandered to it nonetheless, when he remembered Eren's sketchbook. Such an odd thing, but it was the answer to his problems. That night when he got home, he didn't waste any time before he was racing to up Eren and pulling him into his room, shutting the door behind them.
"I have an idea," Levi explained breathlessly and intensely, "on how we can get me more comfortable with sex."
"It must be a good one if you had to lock the door behind us," Eren said with a grin.
The older man nodded. "I thought of your sketches, and all the men you've drawn before, down at the pub. How they were all naked…I thought, well, perhaps you might want a new model."
He looked away for a moment, blushing. It was so pretty on him that Eren couldn't resist reaching up to touch his warm face, running a thumb over his cheek. To make sure he was hearing him right, he asked, "Do you mean you want me to draw you?"
"Please. I figure if I can- I can get used to you looking at me, that might help."
Eren's throat suddenly felt as if he had swallowed sand. Just the mere idea of seeing Levi naked was enough to send his thoughts into a nosedive. How was he going to get through that drawing without giving away his lust? Most likely he wouldn't, but hopefully Levi wouldn't mind? He supposed he could only wait and see.
So, a few days later when everyone either had the day off or they were out of the mansion, they headed down to a guest bedroom that was hardly ever used, but still completely furnished. The bed in the middle of the room was as soft and luxurious as every other bed in the house, the blankets and canopy a deep read with gold trimming. Levi went in wearing a robe while Eren followed behind him, trying to remain stoic and failing. His face cracked into a nervous smile, and Levi looked over his shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked.
Eren shook his head, laughing to himself, unable to meet his eyes as he said, "Nothing. I just…I'm going to see you naked. I'm one lucky piece of shit."
Levi rolled his eyes clear to the sun, but then said, "You are. No one has seen me naked but my parents and my doctor."
Oh, why was he like this? Why did that turn Eren on when it really shouldn't have? Alright sure, he had seen most of Levi's naked upper body, but he had never seen him completely naked before. His precious Levi, giving him all of his firsts. It brought him a strange sort of pride, that the older man trusted him this much to allow him to see him like this.
Eren motioned for him to sit on the bed, and Levi did so, looking at him expectantly, tilting his head like Prince when Levi asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. Eren stood in the center of the room awkwardly for a moment, letting out a breath that made his cheeks puff out and patting his thighs because he didn't know what to do with his hands.
After a moment of looking everywhere around the room except at Levi, he finally asked, "Do you mind if I do a few sketches of you in different poses? There's lots of furniture in here to work with."
Levi shrugged. "Sure we can. Just tell me where you want me."
"Hmm…." Eren began looking around the room again. There were so many possibilities: an armchair, a desk, and even a fireplace. He figured he should start with the most obvious and have Levi lay on the bed. "Alright, you can um, lie down. Put your feet up towards the pillows and your head down towards the end of the bed."
"Do you…do you want me to undress now?"
"That would- if you still want, I don't want to make you do anythi"-
"Eren, shut up."
"Shutting up."
Levi laughed a bit at that, and Eren found himself laughing as well. However, that laughter was gone the second he untied his robe and let it pool around his waist. Eren's mouth went dry when the other man stood up and let it fall away completely. It was clear Levi was trying his hardest not to look at him as he picked up the robe and tossed it on the bed. Was he afraid he'd see disappointment there? He knew what he saw in the mirror every day, but he never thought anyone else would see it. Did Eren like what he looked like at all?
Evidently, when he was finally brave enough to look the other boy in the eye, despite the fact that his face felt terribly hot and he felt dizzy with embarrassment, he saw that yes, his blush was being mirrored by Eren, perhaps even tenfold. He could see that shining gaze flickering over every inch of his body, eyes half lidded and hazy. It was as if he had gone into a trance, forgetting what he was there to do. Levi felt his skin prickling pleasantly everywhere Eren looked.
But still, he couldn't but ruin the moment a bit by clearing his throat and offering Eren a teasing smile. "Focus, Aurora. You have a job to do, remember?"
Eren snapped out of it at those words, but his blush didn't fade. Instead, he stuck out his tongue at him and replied, "Yes you cheeky thing. Now lay down."
Levi did as he was bid, laying in the pose Eren wanted, the boy also directing where he should put his arms and legs. "Put your hands by your face, yeah, like that. Now straighten one leg and bend the other a bit- perfect."
He pulled up a chair near Levi's head, slightly at an angle so that he could see three quarters of his body. He was on the side of his bent leg, which hung off to the side, offering him a tempting view of his flaccid cock. It was hard to get ahold of himself when faced with that, when all he wanted to do was take it in his mouth and suck on it until it was hard. He swallowed, and told the older man, "Alright, keep your eyes on me. Don't smile."
Levi took a deep breath, trying to do what he was asked. It was difficult to do so when Eren looked so cute and so serious. All he wanted to do was smile at him. At the same time, all he wanted to do was smile at Levi. He looked beyond adorable; the pose he had him in looked like he had been caught by the observer laying there and was daring him to do something with his naked body, curious dark eyes fixed on Eren.
The boy sighed heavily and finally opened to a clean page in his sketchbook, before setting pencil to paper. He wasn't going for anything detailed. Rather, he decided he would do a few quick, somewhat messy sketches for the most part, before perhaps detailing one of them later.
It was certainly going to be impossible to choose which one though. He had figured Levi would have a beautiful body based on the glimpses he had had of it, but this was beyond anything he could have imagined. Levi was easily the prettiest thing he had ever seen in his life, ever. Laying there against the deep red blankets, his pale skin practically glowed against it, like a brand of moonlight resting on a velvet brand of fire. He just didn't look real, and certainly didn't look human. He looked like a creature of fable, like an elf or a fairy that had graciously allowed Eren to try and capture his unearthly beauty with his pencil. But there was no way his mortal self would ever be able to capture every lovely detail of that body, though he would try his hardest. Levi really did look like Snow White, a male version of her. His skin was as pale and delicate as porcelain, blue veins visible along his wrists and the inside of his thighs. His eyelashes were as long as a woman's, fanning over his cheeks every time he blinked. His hipbones pushed against his thin skin, sharp and delectable. He wanted to badly to bite them. There was even an enticing dark trail of hair traveling down his lower belly, before giving way to a dark patch of pubic hair, framing a gorgeous, pink cock. His cock rested on a firm, dark sack, the sign of his virility. Heavens, and his thighs looked so thick and strong, beautiful and smooth. Between them was a dark valley where he knew his entrance was hidden. Perhaps he could convince him to show it to him in a later sketch.
He couldn't stop himself from shivering, nor the flush of heat that made his abdomen tremble, his lungs unable to inflate sometimes for several beats. Why was this so arousing? Was it because he couldn't stop himself from imagining what he would like to do to all of this perfect skin revealed to him for the first time? Or because he was so into capturing every dip and curve of his body on paper?
To stir himself even more, or perhaps to put Levi a bit, since he knew he liked to be talked to when he was nervous, he praised, "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, Levi Ackerman. Out of any man I've ever drawn and had the pleasure of seeing naked, none of them compare to you. You're a creature in your own league. I feel like I'm witnessing something holy, something rare. I just hope I can capture your beauty appropriately."
Levi frowned and averted his eyes for a moment. "Oh please. I can't be. Erwin and Jean are far more attractive than I am, and I know you've drawn both of them. Even Armin is adorable. I'm…not."
"Hush. You're positively otherworldly, at least to me. Perhaps love makes people seem more beautiful to us, but I don't see anything wrong with that."
Levi shook his head. "You're far prettier than me. You're all…warm, with nice curves and firm lines, bright eyes like the sun."
"See?" Eren pointed out. "And I would disagree with you, saying that you're more attractive. You're like the moon, all soft and glowing. I feel like a mortal caught in the glen of a fairy, and I'm just hoping you choose to spare my life. I'm waiting for you to offer me food that I would definitely eat so that I could stay in your world forever. You look like you should be surrounded by jewels and pearls, or flowers of every shade. You make my heart tell me to give you everything."
The older man's heart throbbed in his chest, and his throat tightened unexpectedly. Why did Eren say things like that, things that utterly blindsided him and made him so happy that he cried? Just a couple years ago after his parents died, he never could have imagined having a person that cared for him this much ever again. He always thought he would be alone. Now he had a man that practically worshipped the ground he walked on, a man that he would also do anything within his power he possibly could. Sometimes his love for him genuinely terrified him, but mostly it made him feel powerful and safe. He sniffed, resisting the urge to wipe the warm tears away that welled up in his eyes before sliding down his cheeks. Eren clucked at him and reached forward, wiping them off his face.
"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to make you cry," he apologized. "I only speak the truth."
"I know, you moron," Levi grumbled. "Even if I don't believe you."
Eren laughed, continuing to draw, his whole arm moving, sometimes in large strokes, or sometimes just his wrist moving in small, quick strokes. Once he finished that sketch, he told Levi to stay in that pose with a few minor alterations.
"Look towards the window," he instructed. "And spread both your legs. Put a hand over your crotch, though."
"You're so lewd, Mr. Jaeger," Levi teased. From the tone of his voice however, he sounded comfortable with the instructions. "You're lucky I love you and want to please you."
"You don't have to do anything to please me, you know," Eren reassured him. "If you're not comfortable, you can tell me."
"I'm fine. The longer I'm naked, the more comfortable I'm getting. And well, I want you to like my body. I don't know, I want to show you as much of it as I can, a little at a time." He paused, laughing a bit, and then added, "Plus, I have to admit, it is fun to tease you, and to see how much you want me."
Eren laughed deep in his chest in a way that sent a shiver down Levi's spine. As he moved down towards the lower half of the other man's body, he patted his knee, saying, "You're a naughty little minx. The whores in the brothels have nothing on how seductive you are."
Levi shrugged. "I only know how to seduce you. I don't think this would work on any other man, nor would I want to seek out any other man."
Why was it that everything Levi was saying tonight kept turning Eren on? Was he just that hard up, or was it just Levi? He figured it was just the magic of Levi. He could have recited tax laws to him, and as long as he did so in that deep, hypnotic voice of his and looking at Eren in that certain way, he was completely gone over him. At this angle, it appeared as if Levi looked completely subservient, prepared for the observer to do anything to him. His legs were spread vulnerably, the only thing protecting his modesty being his hand, as if trying to cover himself up uselessly. He looked so fragile, so exquisite, like a marble statue carved by the Greeks. A living statue whose abdomen collapsed and expanded, ribs pushing against his skin and retreating as he breathed. It was hypnotic, and sometimes he got so caught up in watching the motion that he forgot to draw.
He put Levi in a few more poses that evening before he declared himself finished. First, he had Levi sit in the armchair, legs draped over one arm while he leaned his back against the other, lips parted while he held onto one of his knees. He looked every inch the cute, bratty young man Eren knew him to be like that. To finish off with, Levi laid on his hands and knees, behind in the air while his head laid on one of the pillows on the bed. He looked at Eren over his shoulder, eyes half lidded in a way he was not directed to, a seductive come hither look directed at his boy.
"If you're not careful, you're going to make me throw this thing aside and mount you like a dog that smells a bitch in heat," Eren said casually, not looking up from his sketchbook. His face was extremely red while he said it.
"I must be doing a good job then," Levi remarked. "Now hurry up with that, will you? My back is beginning to ache."
"I know, I know," he reassured. "You're doing a good job. Your back looks good like that. Just remember what Mikasa always says, 'beauty is pain.' Don't forget that."
"You're going to be the one in pain if you don't get a move on."
"Alright you, don't get your gaying instrument in a knot, I'm drawing as fast as I can."
To his credit, Eren did finish soon after that, adding the last few details and darkening a couple of lines. Even after Eren gave Levi his okay to put his robe back on, he kept working, sitting down on the edge of the bed and beginning to add more details to more of his sketches, trying to take away the messier lines and make it look more like an actual person. Levi sidled up behind Eren, still tying his robe around his waist, placing his chin on his shoulder so that he could watch him work. When he saw himself looking so lewd on the pages of his sketchbook, his face went up in flames, unable to believe that that was really him. He was normally so prim and proper, worse than a virgin before marriage. Had Eren really brought this side of himself out of him? Or had it always been in there? He buried his face in the back of his neck.
"I feel like I look like a toffer of the worst kind," he mumbled.
"You do not," Eren admonished. "Besides, you said you'd only do this for me. By definition, that means you're not a whore, and you don't look like one. You look positively stunning."
"Well…" Levi finally sighed, "I suppose that was rather…fun. Freeing, in a way. I liked posing like that for you, and I liked you looking at me like that. So I guess the next step is you touching me, and I think I'll enjoy that, for sure. I um, I think I enjoyed you looking at me far too much. I'm surprised you didn't notice that I had a partial erection through half of this."
"Oh I noticed," Eren laughed. "I drew it too. It was delicious, added very nicely to the art. If you ever let me do this again, I think next time I'd like to bring in some props. I thought to myself that I believe you'd look great with some jewels around you, either wearing them or on the bed next to you. Or perhaps some flowers, or other pretty things."
"Mmm, I wouldn't mind posing again for you," Levi said. "Perhaps we could do that one more time before I decide to let you touch me…teasing you is far more fun that I thought."
"And you call me a brat."
Levi laughed and kissed his cheek, still amazed at his boy's ability to see beauty where he thought there was none and give it flesh. Even more miraculously, he was able to do something that no one else had been able to do in Levi's life: convince him that hewas beautiful.
A/N: Alternate title for this chapter: In which Levi wants to be drawn like one of Eren's Laughing Fox boys, lol. So I'm going to go on an updating binge, because I feel like we could all use a bit of escapism right now. Expect a chapter either every day or every other day for a while. I hope you enjoy!
