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Dick: Good morning hope you have a nice day
Wally: That sounds sinister and threatening
Dick: Well then have a bad day damn b****
Wally: This one time this guy was going to give me a fist bump but I missed the opportunity and thought he was holding an invisible microphone so I leaned into his empty fist and said 'hello'
Dick: Um yeah that was me you did that with and it was like a couple days ago
Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't remember
Dick: How could I forget
Wally: Whoever discovered milk was doing some weird s*** with that cow
Dick: Well someone did look at a beehive and thought 'they have something delicious in there I can feel it'
Dick: How did the hipster burn his mouth
Wally: IDK
Dick: He ate the pizza before it was cool
Wally: BOOOOOOO
Wally: If we don't resist the call of the light we're no better than the moths
Dick: Wally what?
Dick: Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people
Wally: I see the logic in that statement
Wally: I was once sent to the councilor's office because I said I wanted to kill anyone with my name so I could be the alpha
Dick: Dude
Wally: What's on your mind today
Dick: Some animals don't know other animals exist
Like a lion doesn't know a squid exists
Wally: Missing out on some prime cuisine
Wally: How many ways do you know to kill a person
Dick: I know 200 ways to kill a man
Wally: What about the way where you glue a jar of rats to someone's face and then blow torch the otherside of the jar so the rats have to eat through the man's face
Dick: I know 201 ways to kill a man
Also
Are you okay? Because that sounds like something i would come up with
Has it been a long week?
Do you know that from personal experience or something
Wally: Lets just stick with 'or something' and not ask any follow up questions
Dick: What I gather from that is that you definitely killed someone and that was your method of choice
Dick: Hey, what did the policeman say to his belly button
Wally: Dick I don't like where this is going
Dick: You're under a vest
Wally: Hey I didn't like where that went.
Wally: Pls don't compliment me
I don't know how to react
Dick: Damn I felt that in my soul
Dick: I think
That is enough existing today
Dick: Sugar is gay salt
Wally: Lol what
Dick: Understood
Wally: Okay
Dick: K
Wally: Roger roger
Dick: Acknowledgement
Wally: Was just told that if I put a quarter in a ten gallon jug for a year I would end up with $9,125 and I just want to know what kind of quarters they're putting in the jug
Dick: Must be some limited addition kind
Dick: I hate when people ask me what I did today. Like look buddy I woke up at noon and then it was five pm I don't kn o w.
Wally: me- I'm gonna set a personal deadline
Me to me- He's a huge pushover, do whatever you want
Dick: I mean yeah but I feel a little attacked right now
Wally: The sun has never seen it's shadow
Dick: You know if you stayed in the shower long enough you would've realized the sun has never and will never see anything
Dick: Why do people slap the remote when it's not working
Wally: Why does it work after you slap it tho
Dick: I'm in no position to have high standards but that doesn't stop me
Wally: I feel like you want to talk
Wally: You know 60 seconds for you is a minute for me
Dick: Uh hate to burst your bubble but yeah I did
Wally: Either we use subtitles or we break up its your choice
Dick: I'm sorry… what?
Wally: Hey dude what's going on?
Dick: Teenage rebellion
Wally: Mmmmmm you're a little old for that
Dick: DUDE!
SMH DOESN'T MEAN SHAKING MY HEAD
IT MEANS SONIC MAURICE HEDGEHOG
Wally: what?
Wally: Those chickens are up to something
Dick: ?
What chickens
Wally: You know
The chickens
Dick: You're going to have to elaborate
Wally: Why is 'silly goose' a phrase? Geese are evil.
Dick: What's with this hatred/fear of geese?
Dick: We take it for granted today but a single Dorito has more nacho cheese flavor than a fourteenth century peasant would ever get in their lifetime.
Wally: I love how you're implying that the fourteenth century socialite class has tasted more nacho cheese flavors than a Dorito can provide.
Which I'm calling bulls*** on
Wally: 'Weird' is just a setting on my dryer
Dick: What's it do.
For science obviously
Wally: Obviously
It makes the clothes wetter
Dick: That is weird
Dick: I'm gonna take a nap
Or as I like to call it 'Death Practice'
Wally: Can never be too ready I guess
Dick: In my car at 4am in nothing but my underwear, eating an entire bag of cherries I stole from Wal-mart
Wally: Were you wearing clothes when you stole the cherries and then you stripped once you were in your car or were you just in your underwear the entire time
Dick: How I got here is irrelevant
Wally: So I went to an urgent care and I checked off the 'excessive crying' box on the list of symptoms and the tech was real confused and told me that was for babies.
Dick: I had a science teacher who also taught morse code until my senior year when he caught these two kids cheating on a test and having a conversation across the room in morse code by blinking. So he doesn't teach morse code anymore and those kids have to wear sunglasses when they take tests.
Wally: Was one of those kids you
Dick: No, I would never be caught.
Wally: I dislike being told 'it's up to you' because I am an indecisive person. You chose please, it'll save us both
Dick: Got asked if I had body issues
Of course I have body issues, I can't turn into a f***ing wolf
Wally: I got a confession
I still don't know which months have 30 days v. 31
Dick: I'm not a priest so…
Dick: Did you know there are enough bones in the human body to make an entire… SKELETON
Wally: Spooky
