"Well, uh, here to commentate with me in this glorious match is… ROLF! I guess…" Jerry announced as Rolf rushed to the other seat.

"Hmm yes, Rolf shall aid you, wrestle-boy! But later, Rolf shall prove to couch potato Kevin why Rolf is the TRUE master of the meat-slacking!" Rolf said, almost directly into the microphone.

Kevin was still unconscious, so he didn't hear any of this.

"Say, Rolf, what do you think of this match so far?" Jerry asked.

"Mmm yes, Rolf respects what he sees! The bounty of manual labor may take its toll, but it builds the character of unconsciousness in the nerves of many!" Rolf acknowledged happily.

"You heard it here, folks! And...WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN THE RING?! ARE YOU SEEING THIS ROLF??!" blurted Jerry as he watched Mandy get the ever-loving shit beaten out of her.

"Hmm yes, the Spies seem to have the advantage! Rolf has wrestled with vile-girl Mandy in the past, though such merciless activities normally make Rolf wish he were in the bedroom!" Rolf added.

The crowd cheered like madmen as the Spies started kicking Mandy while she was on the ground. Marie watched as Mandy got beaten up, and wondered if she should try and help. She figured she should do something, but when she tried to climb into the ring, the spies looked back with angry anime faces. Ah, France!

"STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!!!!!" All three spies raged, almost like demons.

Clover and Sam started to do moves on Mandy, while Alex scared Marie by spaz running at her. Marie hid in the corner of the cell, while Alex brought a table in the ring. Marie felt kinda bad not helping but figured she could use this time to come up with a new plan.

"MY GOD, THIS IS A WAR! IT'S LIKE VIETNAM OUT THERE!" Jerry declared.

"Hmm yes...but with no penny by the dollar prostitution or sharing of jellied gasoline!" Rolf added.

"RKO!! MY GOD, THIS IS BRUTAL!!" Jerry yelled as Sam RKO'd the living shit out of Mandy and put her in a chokehold.

"Ah yes, the chokehold of degradation! Rolf has had many a woman perform this dangerous move…" Rolf commented.

Mandy tried her best to get out of the chokehold as Sam eventually let go. Like clockwork, Clover had run up and drop kicked her in the chest. Mandy wheezed with pain and struggled to get back up.

"Come on Mandy, GET! BACK! UP!" Marie encouraged, shaking the ropes.

"WE TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF IT!!!!" Alex screamed while tackling Marie out of the ring.

Just as Clover reached out to punch Mandy, she twisted the arm back and lifted her into the air.

"WHAT THE HELL?! WHERE IS SHE GETTING THIS POWER FROM, SHE JUST GOT THE HELL BEATEN OUT OF HER?! SHE'S A DEMON, ROLF!!" Jerry screamed.

"OH FUCK!! SAM, GET BACK HERE!!" Clover shouted.

Rushing between Mandy's legs, Sam performed an uppercut right in the vag. Mandy dropped Clover and fell to her knees in pain.

"OOOOWWWWWWWWW, FUCK!" Mandy exclaimed.

"LOW BLOW!! WHAT A DESPICABLE ACT! SHE CAN'T GET DISQUALIFIED EITHER FOR THIS ONE ROLF, MANDY DOESN'T HAVE A COCK OR BALLS!!!" Jerry gasped at the absolute top of his lungs.

Clover got back up and kneed Mandy in the head, knocking her over. Sam rushed over to grab the steel chair for another move.

"WHAT ARE THEY GOING FOR HERE!!? MY GOD, THESE GIRLS SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED ALREADY!!" grunted Jerry.

"Yes, this is quite terrible indeed! But Rolf's interest is piqued by happenings outside of the ring!" Rolf added with a smile.

Outside the ring, Marie was getting brutally pegged in the ass by Alex.

"OH GOD, IT HURTS!!!" Marie cried out.

"WE WARNED YOUR STUPID ASS! AND NOW THAT ASS IS GETTING FUUUCKED!!!!" Alex screamed, directly in Marie's ear.

Marie cried even more as Alex put started thrusting the entire 12-inch strap-on in her ass.

"Oh God, I can't look… But I have to because It's my job!" Jerry lamented.

"If you hate what your eyes show you, then why not look in the ring? Much more interesting, yes?" Rolf suggested.

Clover did a vicious German Suplex on Mandy to get her in a belly-up position, making the crowd go wild.

"BONER SAW IS REAAAAADY!!" Exulted Sam as she climbed to the top rope with a steel chair.

"ARE YOU REAAAAAAAAAADY!!??" Clover hyped as she got into position.

"Oh no, not this move…" Mandy muttered with a gasp for air as fear welled up in her voice.

Sam jumped from the top rope to Clover, who propelled her towards Mandy. Sam did a double front flip in midair as she slammed the leg of a chair into Mandy's crotch.

Mandy immediately spazzed out, screaming in pain and rolling across the ring. Mandy couldn't even get up, she just grabbed her crotch and cried a bit while being brought to her knees in blinding pain.

"OH MY LORD JESUS IN HEAVEN, SHE JUST SPLIT HER UTERUS IN HALF! THEY'RE MAKING SCRAMBLED EGGS, ROLF!" Jerry hollered.

"I PREFER HARD BOILED! And, uh...AND OVER EASY!" Sarah yelled into the mic, having rushed over to the announcer's table.

"Yes yes, but why is this called a match? This is more one-sided than Rolf's fight with the Chinese milkman! ROLF IS THE ONLY FOREIGN PERSON IN THE CUL DE SAC!" Rolf stressed.

"That's pretty 'cool' de sac of you Rolf, but my god just look at what's happening! It's carnage in the ring tonight, and the audi- HEY!" Jerry tried to reply, as Ghost came up from behind and took the mic.

"I don't know where you are right now, Ed, but I just finished off those retard school guys." Ghost disclosed while pulling up a chair next to Jerry and Rolf. He also pulled up a chair for Sarah.

"I LIKE THE COOCHIE CRUNCHER! AGAIN, AGAIN!" Sarah chirped with laughter similar to Ed's.

Meanwhile, Clover and Sam were climbing up to the top of the cell while holding Mandy, one arm reserved for her each.

"OH MY GOD, ARE THEY ABOUT TO REPLICATE WHAT UNDERTAKER DID TO MICK FOLEY??! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT WE'RE WITNESSING HERE TONIGHT, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!!!!" Jerry screamed, about to literally orgasm with hype.

"I can't believe it. These girls are more fucked than an Afghan whore after we liberated her." Ghost commented, being weirdly specific.

"Rolf would like to know of this, how you say, hmm, liberated whore." Rolf added.

Sarah had nothing to say. She just laughed dumbly.

When Clover and Sam got to the top of the cell, they reached their arms out and Sparta kicked Mandy nearly twenty feet below. Mandy was sent crashing into the table which Alex had placed there earlier.

"Oh...OW GOD FUUUUUCK--*COUGH*" Mandy whimpered as she coughed up a bunch of blood onto the ring. What's worse is the Spies weren't even done with her.

"MANDY GOT THE BLOOOOOD! SHE LANDED WITH A THUD!" Sarah commented, doing air guitar motions.

"WE'RE NOT DONE YET!!" Clover announced as she and Sam climbed down with a fever from the top of the cell, confirming what we just said last sentence.

Sam pulled out a mic.

"We're gonna leave you more fucked up than that time we 'operated' on Sarah!" Sam bragged while pointing at Sarah.

"YOU WERE NOT DOCTORS! I DEMAND A MEDICALLY LICENSED PROFESSIONAL!" Sarah yelled retardedly, banging on the table and causing mic feedback.

Clover grabbed the mic from Sam.

"Yeah! You're going to wish we'd just kill you! Just like we killed those Butter Toast Cultists!"

Sam looked confused for a second, before remembering.

"Oh yeah, that's right! We did kill those Butter Toast freaks!"

The two shared a laugh and got ready to deal some real damage. Mandy looked on in absolute fear and still held her crotch with both hands in massive amounts of pain. She tried to get back up, but only managed to crawl a bit. Besides the crowd, the only other thing she could hear was a mix of Maries cries, and Alex's laughter. She felt as though all hope was lost.

All of a sudden another burst of fire came out as a mysterious priest-Esque figure came out.

"CAN YOU SMEEEEEEEELL…*drums crash* WHAT THE PRIEST...*drush crash* IS TOASTING??!"

As the deafening DOON...DOO DOO DOONOONOON from The Rock's theme song played, which would inevitably lead to a lawsuit or two and loud laughter from various executives, Ed started walking up to the cell like the fucking Terminator. He wore his priest outfit with the assless chaps.

"HWAHT THE HELL?"Jerry gasped, saying 'what' like Hank Hill. "IS THIS PLANNED??!"

"This is the match where boys and girls become men and women, Jerry! Like the time I sawed a frozen squirrel in half." Ghost added.

"YAY! BIG BROTHER ED'S GONNA KICK SOME BIGGY ASS!" Sarah yelled, actually clapping.

"Hmm yes, the language of...DEATH METAL!!" Rolf boomed, doing the air guitar.

Jerry was glad the commentators weren't being directly filmed, just recorded, but Ghost had something to say.

"Something tells me none of this was planned, Jerry my boy. JUST like the pregnancy of that Afghan woman!" Ghost concurred as he smoked a blunt through his mask, like Elon Musk if Elon Musk was wearing a mask.

"Ah, Afghan-bimbo bore a child? Well then, Rolf must PERFORM A DOUBLE IMPREGNATION TO IMPRESS THE BUTTER GODS!" Rolf screamed, now going completely off-topic.

Jerry didn't know how to respond to any of this.

"Pass the blunt for weedy fun fun time! You take one down, pass it around…" Sarah added.

All of a sudden, Randy Savage rushed to the announcer table and popped up a chair, and a microphone as well.

"W-What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Jerry

"The RUMORS of my retirement have been greatly exaggerated, YEAH, because I TELL YOU WHAT JERRY, THE MACHO MAN IS IMPRESSED LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS AT TONIGHT'S SHOW!" Randy yelled.

"Retirement? What are you-" Jerry tried to ask.

"SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!!!" *BITE* Randy roared, interrupting Jerry.

Alex stopped her thrusting and stared at Ed with pure fear in her eyes.

"WHY DID YOU TWO HAVE TO SAY THAT SHIT OVER THE MIC?!" Alex screamed.

Ed slowly walked up to the ring and ripped the cage door off its hinges.

Suddenly Ed got very hyped up and went crazy.

"I AM ED! CHEESE AND MACARONI!!" Ed declared, while still maintaining his serious/angry expression.

"HE'S LIKE THE TERMINATOR YEAH, there's VENGEANCE in his eyes, yeah! Ol' Ed there is gonna put on a show, yeah, the likes of which we haven't seen since the days of the WWF!" Randy remarked while still eating his Slim Jim.

"YAY! Snap into Slim Tim!" Sarah added retardedly and braindeadedly. Yet at this point, at least Sarah was a likable person…

Alex ran back in the ring with Sam and Clover. All three started to hug each other while shaking.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO DO?!" Sam shrieked.

"ROOOOOOOAR! I AM A TYRANNOSAURUS SEX!" Ed exploded, now running at full speed right through the cell.

"Now THAT'S a sexual tyrannosaurus if I ever saw one Jerry, yeah, any gal would be LUCKY to have a man like that yeah!" Randy Savage roared, now getting hyped up as well.

"Hmm yes, Rolf always did prefer the bones of the mighty Utahraptor! However, Rolf respects your love for scavengers!" Rolf added.

"I think there's gonna be some scavenging going on tonight guys because Ed is out for prey! He's out for blood folks, and nothing's going to stop him!" Jerry sputtered.

"YAY! DO THE CLOTHESLINE ON THEIR COOCHIE BIG BRUDDER!" Sarah cheered.

Mandy crawled out of the ring, just as Ed was jumping in. Mandy fell on the ground, completely exhausted for the time being. The entire ring shook, knocking the Spies over.

"Here Ed, take one of these!" Mandy exulted, slowly bringing a table into the ring.

Ed picked the table up and proudly lifted it in the air.

"Buttered Toast Gods, give me the power of buttered toast!" Ed prompted.

"Your wish has been granted. Use this power wisely and without mercy." Butter Astolfo replied from up above.

Fun fact: Butter Astolfo is not made out of butter. He's just Astolfo covered in butter to form an alter ego.

The More You Know!

"Quick, get him while he's distracted!" Alex shuddered, trying her best to sound brave.

Alex charged at Ed, while Sam and Clover continued to cower. Ed saw her coming though and hit her directly in the stomach with the end of the table. She fell to her knees and held her gut in pain.

COUGH* *COUGH* "FUCK!" Alex whimpered.

Ed set up the table, and gave Alex a 'you're fucked' look.

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!" Ed raged.

Ed picked Alex up by the neck and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up in the air. He proceeded to chokeslam the living shit out of her, getting a wild reaction from the crowd.

"A CHOKESLAM! HOLY JESUS, I'VE NEVER SEEN IT PERFORMED SO BRUTALLY!" Jerry exclaimed.

"Well, it looks like WE GOT A NEW GRAVE DIGGER IN TOWN YEAH, even UNDERTAKER HIMSELF WOULD BE PROUD YEAH! I'm happy to say, Jerry, THIS MAN COULD BE THE NEXT FACE OF SLIM JIM IF HE WANTED, YEAH!" praised The Macho Man.

Alex struggled to breathe as she laid on the ground. Ed slowly turned around and stared at Sam and Clover. Clover stood a few feet away, holding a steel chair.

"Ohhh shit shit SHIT SHIT FUCK!" Clover shrieked, swinging a steel chair at Ed in a panic.

Ed smacked the chair with his other hand and sent it crashing into Clover's face, making her bleed a bit and fall to the ground.

"DID YOU SEE THAT, GUYS!!?" sputtered Jerry. "HE JUST SMACKED THE CHAIR AWAY LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!!!"

"THE MACHO MAN COULDN'T BE PROUDER OF THIS GUY, YEAH!" Randy Savage praised as he gave a thumbs-up of approval.

"You see fellas, that steel chair represents the sun. The sun sometimes beats the shit out of his girlfriend, the moon. Clover, there is the moon." Ghost chirped, now high off his mind.

Jerry Lawler just slowly looked over at Ghost.

"How high are you, exactly?" Jerry asked.

"HE JUST MENTIONED THE SUN! THE SUN IS NINETY-THREE MILLION BAJILLION MILES AWAY FROM THE EARTH! I KNOW LOTS ABOUT SCIENCY STUFF!!" Sarah yelled.

"That's pretty high, I'll admit." Jerry replied.

"Hmm yes, Rolf has smoked incest before!" Rolf added.

"Uhh...the word is 'incense', Rolf." Jerry corrected.

"Yes, Rolf smokes while doing it! DO YOU LIVE IN A CAVE!!?" Rolf replied, now yelling.

Jerry didn't reply and just continued to watch the match.

Jerry and the rest of the commentators watched on as Ed picked up the bleeding Clover and put her over his shoulders. He dropped down and slammed her back-first onto his knee, like a wannabe Bane from the Dark Knight Rises.

"OHHHHHHH, THAT'S TOO MUCH EVEN AGAINST THE SPIES! SHE'LL BE LUCKY TO WALK AGAIN AFTER THAT!!" Jerry shouted.

"YAY! Baby Sarah will have wheelchair pals! Yay, yay!" exulted Sarah while clapping.

"OH GOD MY BACK! FUCK FUCK!!" Clover wheezed, struggling to crawl across the ground.

Sam looked at Clover for a few seconds then looked over at Alex

"Hey, uh...how are you doing there, Alex ol' pal?" Sam asked.

"Go fuck yourself, you period blood headed, looking ass hoe." Alex cursed, still gasping for breath.

"Ah cool cool, I'm just gonna uh…" *BOLT*

"OH, YOU MOTHER FUCKING--"

Sam then darted like a madwoman out of the ring, until she got smacked in the chest with a steel chair from Mandy.

"OW, FUCK!! What the hell man?!" Sam growled while clutching her chest.

Mandy dropped the chair and went into a fighting stance.

"I DIDN'T HEAR NO BELL!" Mandy retorted, before socking Sam right in the head.

Sam clutched her face a bit until Mandy ran from one of the ropes and back at her, leg dropping right on her face.

"ARE WE SEEING THE GREATEST COMEBACK IN AMERICAN WRESTLING HISTORY??! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING HERE GUYS, THIS IS MADNESS!" Jerry exclaimed.

"Look! Look! Big brother is on a turnbuckle!" Sarah chortled in joy.

Ed stood high and looked down at Clover. Alex finally managed to stand up and attempted to knock Ed down. After a few steps though, she was tripped by Marie.

"GUESS WHO'S BACK?!" Marie yelled as she'd finally pulled her soaked pants back up, jumping and elbow dropping on top of Alex.

"NOW LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!!!" Mandy smirked, rushing to Marie's side of the ring and drop-kicking Alex in the crotch.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!" Alex whimpered in pain.

Mandy ran back to the other side of the ring and hoisted Sam over her shoulders, yeeting her onto the turnbuckle.

"I HAVE THE ULTIMATE FUCK YOU IN-STORE!!" Mandy scoffed, pulling out a bag of thumbtacks. She poured the tacks all over the ground, leaving Sam to watch in horror.

"Oh no, oh no, OH NO OH NO, OH NOOOOO!" Sam shuddered as Mandy picked her up, DDT'ing her into the thumbtacks.

"OH MY GOD, THE BRUTALITY OF IT ALL!! THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER, WON'T THE REFS INTERFERE??! I HAVEN'T SEEN A MATCH LIKE THIS SINCE THE LATE EIGHTIES!!!!!" Jerry screamed, as the audience both gasped and cheered even more.

"OWWW, FUCK ME THAT ACTUALLY HURTS! THAT REALLY, REALLY HURTS!!" Sam whined as tears welled up in her eyes.

Mandy jumped up and did a double stomp into Sam's crotch, making her question her life choices.

"OW, GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHYYYYY?!" Sam whined, once again.

"WHAT IS WITH THESE WRITERS AND HURTING PEOPLE SO HORRIBLY?! ESPECIALLY DOWN THERE??!" fretted Clover in the background as she watched the ordeal… Fuckng hypocrite.

Honestly, we have no idea.

"QUIET, BLOND DEVIL!" Ed yelled while jumping off the turnbuckle.

Clover was too slow to get out of the way and got crushed by Ed. He got up and laughed at her seemingly lifeless body. The ref could tell that she was out cold.

"DEAR LORD, SHE'S BROKEN IN HALF! AND JUST LIKE THAT, CLOVER IS OUT OF THE GAME!" Jerry yelled.

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL SNAPPING INTO A SLIM JIM, YEAAAAAH!" The Macho Man yelled, flexing a bit.

"That's it, Clover is out!" The Ref announced.

Out of nowhere, Mandy continued her assault on Sam. She flipped her legs off the ropes and did a Moonsault, landing right on top of Sam. Mandy finally fell to the ground in exhaustion, as Sam was getting tuckered out too.

"Heh heh heh...hehehehehe…" Mandy laughed a bit to herself from the several concussions she had endured.

"YEAH, HAH HA! HA! HA! HA HA HA HA HA, YOU BITCH!" Sam growled, proceeding to get up and attack Mandy back.

Sam kicked Mandy square in the face and dropped down on top of her knee first, slamming right into her gut. At this point all Mandy could do is crawl away, she didn't have the strength to fight back anymore.

"Uh uh, bitch! Ed, take care of Alex for me will you?!" implored Marie, as she was running up and hitting Sam in the back with a steel chair.

"OW FUCK YOU!" Sam cursed.

Alex watched in fear as Ed picked her up and pressed her against the ropes.

"THIS IS FOR YOU, BABY SISTER!" *WHAP* Ed raged as he slapped the shit out of Alex's chest.

"GOD FUCK, THAT'S A BIG HAND! OWWW!" Alex groaned.

Ed picked up Alex again and wrapped her in the ropes. Alex dread to think about what was about to happen.

"SAM!!! WE CAN'T WIN!!!" Alex screamed, in a super desperate tone.

Even Though Sam was getting double teamed by Marie and Mandy, she heard Alex. Sam knew she was right.

"I FUCKING KNOW!!!" Sam heaved, right before getting socked in the face by Mandy.

"...Oh no, OOAAAAHAHHHHHHH!!!!" Alex screamed as Ed jumped up and landed on top of the ropes, crushing Alex between the ropes and the edge of the ring.

"Bouncy, bouncy!" Ed roared, jumping up a few more times.

"STOP, STOP! I SUBMIT, OH FOR GOD'S SAKE I SUBMIT!!" Alex pleaded.

Ed gave an 'okay' hand sign and went back to his dumb self pretty quickly.

"Okay, little Alex!" Ed yelled as he grabbed the ropes and stretched them.

"Wait wait wait, what the fuck are you--DOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING????!!" Alex cried out, as Ed let the ropes snapback, sending her flying into the side of the cell. She slammed into it like a bug and fell to the hard floor with a thud.

"OOOOH, SHE SMACKED RIGHT INTO IT!! ALEX IS DOWN! I REPEAT, THE THIRD OF THE THREE SPIES IS DOOOOOWN!" Jerry shouted.

"I pooped my pants!" Sarah added.

"THAT'S NOT THE SMELL OF POOP ON A TUESDAY AFTERNOON! THAT'S THE SMELL...OF MAAAAAAANLINESS!" Randy Savage declared.

"This gives Rolf a sign of remembrance!... Rolf must use the bathroom now. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PORCELAIN GODS!" Rolf announced before running off.

"Ha! Looks like the tables have turned you cunt!" Mandy smirked.

Sam normally would have a come back ready to go, especially for Mandy. However, no comeback would save her from just how fucked the situation had gotten.

Meanwhile, Rolf struggled to use the bathroom, making opera style Goku screams as he took a massive shit. The crowd began to feel a bit awkward at the anime screams.

"Wow, would ya listen to that?! He's about to stock the pond with big brown bass, Plank!" Johnny pointed out.

Rumbling could be heard as Rolf took his shit. Dick Cheney began to freak out in front of George.

"GOD DAMN IT GEORGE, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

Dick turned around and faced the crowd.

"ARE THERE ANY HOT WOMEN WHO WANNA COME WITH US?! PARTICULARLY A REDHEAD, A MASTER RACE GIRL, AND A BLACK GIRL SO PEOPLE WON'T CALL US RACIST?! IF SO, MEET US BY OUR TRUCK BY THE ENTRANCE!!!" Dick Cheney squealed loudly.

Sam overheard this.

"Eww, black… Wait, those three descriptions match us!" Sam realized, beaming with joy.

"Fuck off Sam, I'm-" *Coughs up blood* "supposed to be the racist one…" Clover pointed out groggily, sorta but not really recovered from being crushed.

Sam ran towards Alex and Clover and picked them up, humping then (not in a dirty way) over her shoulders, as she made her quote-unquote "daring" escape.

"Hey, where are you going?! I'm finally kicking your ass!" Mandy snapped, clenching her fists.

Mandy started having a tantrum and grabbed a steel chair, as Sam ran away faster,

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?! SHE'S HAVING A PSYCHOTIC BREAKDOWN!!" Jerry exclaimed as Mandy hit herself in the forehead with the chair.

Mandy looked around for a bit with intent to kill, as blood rushed down her head. She looked at Marie, then hallucinated and assumed it was the Spies.

"YOU COME INTO MY RING, YOU GET THAT ASS BEAT!" Mandy yelled, running after Marie.

"Uh oh." Marie quietly whimpered before running away.

"MY GOD RANDY, SHE'S OUT FOR BLOOD! IS THIS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MANLY?!" Jerry wondered.

"THE PIRANHA NEEDS ITS PREY, YEAH! THE BARRACUDA OF BADASSERY CAN'T AND WON'T BE HELD DOWN BY A THING LIKE RULES, JERRY! YEAAAAH!" Randy Savage stated, quite loudly.

"Isn't this already a no rules match though?" Ghost questioned.

"EXACTLY!!!" Randy Savage concurred.

Ed laughed dumbly as Mandy chased Marie around. He had completely forgotten about The Spies.

"Chase, chase! Pass go, collect two hundred dollars! A huh huh!" Ed chuckled to himself.

A combination of spit and blood formed around Mandy's mouth as she started getting a crazy amount of adrenaline.

"OH SHIT! ED! HELP ME! HELP ME!!" Marie begged as Mandy picked her up and lugged her over the shoulder.

Mandy tossed Marie up in the air and slammed her down chest-first on the steel chair, getting a gasp and cheers from the crowd.

"F-5!!! SHE STOLE THAT MOVE FROM THE LEGENDARY BROCK LESNAR!!" blurted Jerry.

"Owwwww…" Marie wheezed as she slowly crawled on the ground.

"Mandy just flew the kite into the pancake factory! FLAT LIKE A WAFFLE!" Ed yelled.

"Uhh, guys? Do any of you feel that shaking?" Ghost asked while looking around.

"THE ONLY THING I FEEL IS THE FEELING OF VIIIIIIICTORY!!" Randy Savage howled, doing Pillar Men poses.

Right at that moment, Rolf could be heard yelling from the bathroom.

"BEWARE OF THE FOUL FECAL CTHULHU! FOR ROLF'S ANAL CAVITY SHALL SPEW OUT THE SON OF A DEMON!!" Rolf… Uhh, warned?

The ground shook like there was an Earthquake, causing everyone to panic.

"Well hot damn, a Red Head, Blondie, and a Darkie!" George cheered, with a big Merichan smile.

"Yeah yeah! We suckie suckie long time and all that, NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!!!" Sam shrieked.

(Please understand, we do not condone any racist, sexist, or overall just fucking dumb views of very many...well, any characters in this story. I promise, we have common sense!--Minorsmile)

"Alright you fine ladies, let's get to the truck! Alex can take the backseat with George, the redhead will sit on my lap and Mrs. ol' blue eyes can take shotgun!" Dick Cheney explained while George Bush nodded in agreement.

"Eh, alright. Wouldn't be the first time I sat on an old man. Or potentially had sex with an old man. Or--"

"We get the idea sweetheart, now get in the car!" George Bush yelled, hopping in the backseat.

Sam handed off Clover to Dick Cheney, making him squeal with waifu excitement. She hoisted Alex in the backseat and kinda harshly shoved her in, accidentally hitting her in the shin with the car door before getting her in.

George Bush began to play slow jazz as he felt up Alex.

"Oi, can't you at least wait until she wakes up to, you know...do the thingy with the people and such?" Sam asked.

"Hey, I'm not gonna have sex with her yet! Emphasis on yet…" George Bush assured.

Sam immediately realized that she had no right to call him out on the date rape. Given all the fucked up shit her and the other two had done up to that point.

"Eh, whatever. Guess I'd better get to work." Sam acknowledged with relative ease as she unzipped Dick Cheney's pants.

"You know, my favorite color is white! Wait, not like that, I mean-" Dick Cheney said way too loudly.

"No fucking shit! Now let me suck your cock!" Sam interrupted.

Clover watched groggily as her two 'friends' had sexual relations with the aged men. Though she was in no way attracted to them, she was still jealous.

"What the fuck?! Why would you ask for a Master Race girl, then not fuck her!?" Clover snapped.

"Actually, your right! I think your Darkie friend requires a hand. If you know what I mean."

Meanwhile…

"FOR THE LOVE OF WHITE JESUS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Johnny exclaimed, running off.

The crowd all made for the exits, knocking over anyone that came in their way. Unfortunately for Kevin, he just so happened to have regained consciousness.

"DORKS!" *WHEEZE* "DORKS DORKS DORKS DORKS DORKS!" Kevin cried out, as he was trampled.

"YAY, PARTY! SHIT SHIT TIME!" Sarah praised, pulling her pants down.

"YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE THE MACHO MAN...IS ABOUT TO BECOME A LOT LESS OF A MAN!" Randy Savage grunted, running out of the stadium.

"REMEMBER FOLKS, THE FIRST PART OF BEING MACHO IS TO PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY! AND FIGHTING DOODOO CTHULHU IS NOT WHAT I'M GONNA DO, YEAH!" The Macho Man panted, disappearing in the distance.

Jerry looked around as everything was falling apart. Ghost on the other hand sat and did nothing but smoke weed like a champ.

"If you want to leave, then leave. Match has already been over, and I have a job to do." Ghost casually stated.

Jerry looked at him, now confused.

"Job? What are you-"

Out of nowhere, Vince McMahon came out with Double D tied naked to a cross, and a bomb strapped to his suit.

"WILL SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THESE KINDS OF SITUATIONS PLEASE??! JUST A GENERAL WORD OF ADVICE, I DON'T LIKE STUFF LIKE THIS!!!!" Double D screamed.

"And now for the finale of tonight's pay per view, I shall make my sacrifice in the name of Allah and acquire my 72 traps!" Vince McMahon announced, super fanatically insane.

"Isn't it female virgins, not traps?" Jerry asked, not focused on how his boss had a fucking bomb strapped to his chest.

"THAT'S FUCKING LAME! YOU'RE FIRED! PRAISE BE TO ALLAH'S BUTTERY BUTTHOLE!" Vince shrieked like a maniac as he set the bomb on fire, instead of lighting it properly.

Vince McMahon exploded in a ball of fiery greatness, sending Double D flying through the air while blowing up a solid third of the arena. The rest of the people there screamed and ran away at the sight of such a metal event.

"Well shit, looks like he took himself out… We should get out of here now." Ghost commented.

Mandy looked over for a second, blood still rushing from her head and various other body parts.

"SHIT'S LIT BRO! HOT FUCKIN' DAMN! SUBMIT ALREADY MARIE! I'M GONNA LIGHT A FIRECRACKER IN YOUR PUSSY!" Mandy demanded, for...some reason.

"THIS ISN'T A FUCKING MATCH! AND I SUBMITTED FIVE MINUTES AGO! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" Marie shrieked as Mandy got her in a Boston Crab.

Double D was suddenly sent flying across the ring, landing on both Marie and Mandy. Double D's cock landed directly in Mandy's mouth, calming her down quite a bit.

"HEY!! THAT'S MY MAN, GET OFF!!!" Marie complained.

"I woulf, buf hith cock if in mah moufthf!" Mandy replied as she pulled his cock out.

Mandy looked up at Double D and got back to her normal state of mind, realizing he's just her type.

"Oh...WOW YOU'RE SO CUTE!" exulted Mandy as the blood started to blind her.

"GOD FUCK IT'S IN MY EYES! HOW MUCH HAVE I BLED TONIGHT, FUCK MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING ELSE!" Mandy screamed, trying to wipe the blood out.

Marie looked on and realized Double D's harem increased to an odd, yet evenly hot, five.

Mandy got up and immediately began sucking Double D's cock some more, thoroughly enjoying herself. Marie's hair suddenly shapeshifted into fire.

"HEY! PISS OFF, THAT DICK IS MINE!!" Marie fumed.

"I'LL WANK YOUR DAD WITH MY FUCKING BLOOD!" Mandy threatened.

"Wait...what?" Marie asked, now kind of disturbed.

"Ohhh...I wouldn't try and stop her if I were you. I'd imagine she's very adamant about this kind of thing. I've come to accept that I attract crazy women for some reason..." Double D added, completely defeated.

"Grrr...FINE! GIMME THE BALLS AT LEAST!!" Marie demanded, running at Double D.

Marie ran up to Mandy and Double D and began sucking both testes at once, making Double D feel like a fucking chad.

"Hey, this is actually nice! WOW!" Double D exulted.

After a few minutes of grotesquely pleasurable taste and dick sucking, Double D blew the hardest load he'd ever blown in his life.

Before Mandy could suck any more, she passed out and fell to the ground.

"Oh well. More for me!" Marie beamed, proceeding to keep giving Double D the time of his life.

Ed stared and laughed as the ground rumbled more.

"Huh huh! Suck suck suck! LIKE A FAST FOOD STRAW!" Ed yelled.

The rumbling got louder as Lee and May ran up to rescue their sister from the incoming shitsplosion.

"WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE MARIE, SUCK COCK ON YOUR OWN TIME!" Lee asserted, pulling Marie off of Double D.

May lugged Double D's cross out, dragging it across the floor.

"Hey WAIT a second! We can't just leave her here!!" Double D yelled, pointing at Mandy.

"Sure we can!" Marie replied, very casually.

"I mean yeah, but we shouldn't. It was pretty funny watcher her kick your ass, Marie." Lee added.

Marie flipped Lee off.

Ed ran back over and placed Mandy over his shoulder, proceeding to point to the exit heroically.

"LET US RUN, LIKE THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCADICKS!" Ed cried out as he ran forward.

"CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!!" Ed yelled again, the Kankers following behind.

"Duel of the Fates" from Star Wars could be heard in the background as Ed and the Kankers charged away from the impending shitsplosion.

Eddy and everyone else ran away furiously, only for Eddy to trip on a piece of rubble and fall.

"OW!!! Friggin- OWWW!!!" Eddy scratched, as his nuts and face were repeatedly trampled.

Eddy looked up to see that people were catching up to him, and quickly.

"What the--AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Eddy yelled as Ed started to trample him.

"RUN FOR IT LIKE A NINETY PERCENT OFF SALE AT POPEYES!!!" Johnny screamed.

"Did someone say KFC??!" burst Ed, refusing to perpetuate the stereotype.

Lee stopped when she noticed Eddy laying nearly motionless on the ground.

"Oh that's right, you're here too! Well, come on hubby!"

Lee picked up the broken and battered Eddy and carried him off on her back. Her shoulder kept hitting him in the package as she ran, making him yelp in pain each time.

"OWW! OWWW! OWWWWW!!!"

"MAN UP SWEETIE, IT'LL HURT WAY WORSE THAN THAT IN BED! GOTTA MAKE SURE MY MAN IS TOUGH!!!" Lee asserted.

As they finally made their escape, the metal structures started to give away. The place was about to come crashing down, potentially killing all who might be inside. Though no one was actually inside… Well, no one except for Kevin.

"D...D...Dorks…" Kevin wheezed, not knowing what was happening around him.

This would have been his end, but fore chan itly :D was actually on his side for once. A massive, thunderous explosion of shit came out of the restroom area, getting all over Kevin.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRJKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!" Kevin howled like a shit-covered coyote.

"Rolf has relieved himself of the eldritch horror!" Rolf stated proudly.

Rolf immediately noticed the destruction all around him. He didn't really care, and kinda found it cool. But then he noticed Kevin. His alpha instinct kicked in, and he knew he had to once again rescue the beta.

"Must Rolf play coy to the failures of mankind? Fear not! Rolf will avoid covering his hands with the abomination from the intestines of sin!" Rolf yelled, raising his fist to the heavens.

Rolf pulled some pubes off himself and threw them on Kevin. Kevin would have been discussed, but he had been through too much to care anymore.

"ROLF MUST SAVE MOTORCYCLE BOY KEVIN USING THE PUBES OF HIS ANCESTORS!" Rolf raged, getting too into and kicking Kevin.

"Dorks…" Kevin wheezed, wondering when the nightmare would end.

Rolf lifted Kevin over his shoulder LIKE A MAN WOULD!!! With alpha and a bit feral instincts, Rolf rushed out of the arena. Just in time to, escaping right as the place completely collapsed.

He met up with every other important character and stopped to catch his breath. The others watch on as the arenas flames burned away anything that wasn't metal.

"Hey wait a second??! What happened to John Cena?!" May wondered.

"I'm uhh...I'm sure he got out." Marie replied.

As if God himself was listening, John Cena came running out screaming. His shorts were burning and probably hurt a lot. Still probably better than what the Spies did or would do to him though.

"Wow! Talk about a burning bush!" May exclaimed.

Lee smacked her over the head.

"You idiot! That joke only works with girls!"

"I like da girlsies…" An unconscious Mandy muttered in her sleep.

"Eugh, how'd she get so bloody?! Did she just go through puberty or something??!" Lee questioned.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I...somethin' or other…" Mandy yelled with a snore.

"No, she just hit herself with a steel chair like a psycho. And got hit with steel chairs by the Spies. Wait, weren't you watching the-"

"Wait! Where are the Spies?!" Double D asked while looking around nervously.

Everyone got a little worried and frantically looked around. To their surprise though, The Spies were nowhere to be found.

"WE HAVE TO GET YOU ALL TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE I HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE MORGUE!" Ghost screamed out of the blue, in his glorious British accent from his helicopter.

This scared the shit out of everyone. How did Ghost even get a helicopter??!

"You know what, he's right. My man's nut sack needs some rest." Lee commented.

"YOU JUST FIGURED THAT OUT!?" Eddy screamed.

The Kankers and Ed brought Mandy, Eddy and Double D onto the helicopter. They noticed that Jerry was the pilot, and got a little worried.

"Uhhhh, have you ever flown one of these before?" Double D asked, trying to hide his concern.

"No, but Ghost said I could fly it! SO HOLD ON TIGHT, LIKE MANDY'S POONTANG!!!" Jerry beamed.

"Wait, what?" Marie asked, quite concerned.

"How do ya think she got into the match! She suckie suckie long time!" Jerry shouted over the loud helicopter blades.

The helicopter lifted off from the ground and was about ready to leave. Jerry abruptly stopped though when he saw Rolf running at them while holding Kevin.

"DO NOT FLY THE VEHICLE OF THE ANGELS YET, ED BOYS! ROLF HAS A PACKAGE FOR THE MIGHTY STORK!" Rolf yelled as he carried Kevin over his shoulder.

"D……dorks…and stuff…" Kevin commented.

"ROLF WILL RELEASE MOTORCYCLE BOY KEVIN FROM GRAVITY ITSELF!" Rolf shrieked to the stars above.

"What is he talking ab- HOLY SHIT!!!" May yelled.

Rolf attempted to chuck Kevin into the helicopter. He completely missed though, and Kevin landed face-first onto the concrete.

"D...D…" Kevin was too hurt to even say, Dorks.

"MUST ROLF FLY TO THE HEAVENS AND BEQUEATH THE GRAVITATIONAL PULL OF HELL ITSELF TO MAKE KEVIN LAND IN THE VEHICLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT?? DO NOT TEST ROLF'S PATIENCE, ANCIENT ONES!!!" Rolf shouted, now very angry.

Rolf once again threw Kevin. This time though, Kevin made it onto the helicopter.

"No more waiting, off to the hospital we goooooo!!!!" Jerry announced, clearly pumped to be flying.

Rolf watched on as they flew out of in the distance, and smiled with glee.

A very familiar voice could be heard as they flew off.

"I wonder how tough Kevin's testes are!? MAN UP, uhh, MAN!!!" Lee yelled as she kicked Kevin in the balls.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORKS!!!" Kevin cried out once more with feeling. The feeling of a testicular holocaust.

"Ahahahah! Kevin shouldn't be alive right now." Sarah commented.

Rolf was a little confused, but then remembered something very, very important.

"Rolf must now go lay his pipe into Kevin-boy's ex-girlfriend, ENOUGH PIPE TO BUILD THE FOUNDATION OF ONE THOUSAND SEPTIC SYSTEMS!!"

Rolf walked off to do just that… All while no one did anything about the big ass fire that was still raging on.