Third Street School's Parents' Night is coming-up; however, while Charles doesn't mind bringing his father along with him, he doesn't want to bring his mother too due to her habit of embarrassing him.
Inspired by the "Recess" episode "Parents' Night"
It was a normal day at Third Street School. In each classroom, the kids were learning their lessons when, on this particular day in September, they were told about Parents' Night. Every kid from kindergarten to sixth grade was told to bring his or her parents.
For example, in the fourth-grade classroom, the teacher told Chas, Drew, Melinda, and their classmates, "Thursday night is Parents' Night, the one night of the year when all parents, mothers and/or fathers, come together and share in our positive learning environment. Make sure you give your parents these recyclable handouts, or they might miss out."
But as the teacher handed his students the handouts, Chas gulped, "Oh, boy. Parents' Night."
During recess, Chas, Melinda, Stu, Betty, and Didi were playing around the jungle gym.
"Oh, boy! Parents' Night!" cried Melinda enthusiastically. "I can't wait to show my daddy all the new friends I've made!"
Didi added, "I'm gonna show my parents the drawing I made of Moses parting the Red Sea for my art class."
And Stu, using his red blanket as a parachute, exclaimed, "I'm gonna show my folks the pet mouse our second-grade teacher keeps in our classroom!"
"Oh, that's nuttin' compared to the dead rat Stu and I just found floatin' in a bucket," said Betty.
"Ew!" cried Didi with disgust. "What's wrong with you second graders?"
And Melinda asked Chas, "What are you gonna show your mom and dad, Charles?"
"Oh, the usual," sighed Chas despondently. "I'll try to show my dad my accomplishments, while all my mom will think about is embarrassing me in front of my classmates."
"So?" asked Stu.
"So what?" asked Chas.
"Everyone's parents embarrass them," Betty replied.
"Yeah," added Didi. "Last year, my daddy told my classmates how he and mommy taught me how to walk."
"But you don't understand, Didi," said Chas. "My mom's not like your dad. She's worse! For once, I want it to be just me and my dad."
"Oh, come on, Charles," scoffed Melinda. "How bad could she be?"
Presently, the kids heard Drew laughing in that most annoying chuckle only a bully could make. "Boy, Finster," he sneered at Chas. "I'd really hate to be you come Thursday night!"
Melinda glared at Drew and asked, "What are you talking about, Drew? Why are you picking on Charles again?"
"Well, Cavanaugh," Drew replied, "it just so happens that every year since kindergarten, Finster's mom has been humiliating him in front of his entire class!"
Then he turned to Stu, Didi, and Betty and said, "I'm not gonna spoil the ending for you dumb first and second graders, but it's gonna be so funny!"
Stu begged to differ. "Oh, please, Drew! Chas' mom's not gonna be any more embarrassing than our mom! In fact, our mom may have a deep, dark secret about you!"
Daunted by Stu's revelation, Drew blurted out, "She does not, Stu!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does…"
"STOP!" screamed Chas. "I'm not bringing my mom to Parents' Night, and that's final!"
And he stormed off to sit on the swing set alone.
"Heh. See ya chumps later," snickered Drew as he ran off to the wall to booby trap a drinking fountain.
This made Melinda very curious. "It doesn't make any sense," she said to herself. "Why would Charles not want to bring his mom? I live right across the street from his folks, and she seems like such a nice lady."
"Don't ask me," replied Didi. "I've never even met her."
"There's something really weird goin' on here, you guys," said Betty.
"And the fact that Drew won't tell us what Chas' mom is like doesn't help," added Stu. "So, we gotta get to the bottom of this!"
"But how, Stu?" asked Melinda.
Stu replied with a defiant grin, "The best way is the sneaky way… a stakeout."
That night, the city lights were on when Stu, Didi, Betty, and Melinda surrounded the Finster residence, each child hiding stealthily.
Using walkie-talkies, the kids were able to communicate with each other. Behind Marvin's car, Melinda said, "Hey, Stu, you see anything yet?"
Stu was hiding up a tree as he said, "Negative, Melinda. How about you, Didi?"
Didi was hiding in a bush as she said, "Nothing back here, Stu." Presently, she saw Chas emerging from the back door to take out the trash. "Wait a minute! I think I see something. A person."
"Who is it, Didi?" asked Stu. "It's too dark up here for me to tell."
Didi replied, "It looks like a nine-year-old boy heading for the garage."
"Heads up, Betty!" said Stu. "He's coming your way."
Chas opened the trash can to put away his trash, only to find Betty hiding in it.
Betty sprung up and shouted, "Hiya, Chazzy!"
Frightened, Chas cried out, "What are you doing in here?!"
"Is there anything wrong with sitting?" asked Betty.
"Get out of here, Betty! And what are you doing in that tree, Stu? Didi, why are you in that bush? If it has anything to do with my mom, then I told you I wasn't bringing her, and that's final!"
And Chas ran into the house. His friends' attempt to see his mother was a most miserable failure.
"Well, so much for the sneaky approach," sighed Stu.
"Yeah, from now on, we gotta be direct," added Betty.
And Melinda said, "To-morrow, after school, we're goin' in. Somehow, someway, we're going in."
The next day, after school, by the Finster residence, Betty was having Stu drink water from a hose.
"You think this is gonna work?" asked Didi.
"It has to work. It's foolproof," Melinda replied.
Then Betty said to Stu, "Drink it down, Stuie! Drink it down!"
Presently, Stu cried out, "Please! No more! I'll burst!"
"Fair enough," said Betty as she turned off the hose.
And so, Melinda, Didi, Betty, and Stu, the purple-haired boy clinging to his crotch as he squirmed around, went to the front door as Didi rang the doorbell.
Didi said, "Okay, Stu. You know what you're gonna say?"
"I gotta go to the bathroom!" cried Stu.
"Perfect!" cried Betty as she smacked Stu in the back.
Chas opened the door to see his friends and asked them, "What are you all doing here?"
"Tell him, Stu," said Melinda.
"I gotta go to the bathroom!" cried Stu.
And Melinda said, "He's gotta go to the bathroom."
"Okay, I'll let you in," said Chas. "But under one condition: don't disturb my mom."
"Oh, good!" said Betty. "Stu's ready to burst!"
And so, Stu, Melinda, Didi, and Betty went into the house. While Stu dashed for the bathroom, the girls stayed behind with Chas.
"So, what are you really doing here?" asked Chas.
"We want some answers, Charles," Melinda replied.
Confused, Chas asked, "What are the questions?"
Betty replied, "Number one: what's the deal with your mom?"
Didi added, "And number two: why won't you bring her to Parents' Night this year?"
Chas replied, "I told you: my mom embarrasses me. And Drew's been taunting me about it since kindergarten."
But the girls didn't understand just how embarrassing Chas' mother could be. Melinda said to Didi and Betty, "That's it! We're seeing Mrs. Finster!"
Horrified, Chas blurted out, "Wait! Wait! All right, all right, I give in. I'll let you girls see my mom, but not now."
"When?" asked Melinda.
Chas replied, "I'll bring her and my dad to Parents' Night."
"Well, that seems fair," said Betty.
Presently, Chas and the girls heard the flushing of a toilet, and Stu emerged from the bathroom with a sigh of relief: "Man, that was worth it!"
After Stu had reunited with the girls, Melinda said, "Okay, Charles. Now that Stu has used the bathroom, we'll see you at Parents' Night."
Stu, Didi, Betty, and Melinda quietly left the Finster residence as Chas said to the others, "Okay, see you guys later!"
But then, his face fell as he thought about all the times his mother had embarrassed him on Parents' Night, and he muttered, "I had to open my big mouth…"
Thursday Night was Parents' Night at Third Street School. Every kid had brought his or her parents along so they could see his or her accomplishments over the years.
Howard's parents, Mr. and Mrs. DeVille, passed by Principal Solomon on their way to their son's third-grade classroom. Principal Solomon said to the DeVilles, "Hi there! Glad you could make it! Your son, Howard DeVille, is a great asset to our school."
In the third-grade classroom, Charlotte was showing her mother, Mrs. McSell, her excellent tastes in fashion.
Showing her mother her fashion magazine, Charlotte pointed to a beautiful designer dress and said, "This is the dress I want to get for my birthday."
"Excellent choice, Charlotte," said Mrs. McSell.
In the first-grade classroom, Didi led her parents, Boris and Minka Kropotkin, to her teacher and said, "Mom, Dad, this is my first-grade teacher."
The first-grade teacher greeted the Kropotkins, and she said to them, "Kosher beef sausages? They're homemade."
Boris replied, "Beef sausages can wait. Wanna know about our Didila's first word?"
Minka snapped, "Boris! I thought you promised me you wouldn't embarrass Didila like you did last year!"
Boris blushed, himself embarrassed by his own wife.
In the second-grade classroom, Stu showed his parents, Lou and Trixie Pickles, his second-grade teacher's pet mouse. "This is the pet mouse I've been talking about," he said.
"Stuart Pickles!" cried Trixie. "You're telling me that you've befriended a mouse?!"
"Oh, for the love of Mike!" said Lou. "It's just a mouse! When I was Stu's age, we thought nothing of finding herds of elk on the playground!"
As for Betty, she showed her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Giselle, a picture she drew of the dead rat in the bucket of water she had found earlier.
"EW!" cried Mr. Giselle. "What's wrong with you?"
But Mrs. Giselle tousled up Betty's hair and declared, "That's my girl!"
And she and Mr. Giselle laughed out loud.
And all along the school, Melinda showed her father, Christopher Cavanaugh, her new friends: "You probably know Charles from earlier, but I've made lots of friends from the different grades. This is Didi from the first grade. Stu and Betty are from the second grade. And Howard and Charlotte are from the third grade."
Presently, Melinda and her father heard some annoying laughter. It was Drew laughing at an annoyed Chas.
"And who might that be?" asked Christopher.
Melinda rolled her eyes and said, "That is no friend of mine. That is Drew Pickles. He likes to pick on me and Charles and all the other kids at school. He's exactly like that rude older boy who made a mess of our farm two summers ago."
Meanwhile, Drew shouted at Chas, "So, Finster, where's your momma? I see your daddy, but not your momma!"
Chas could only glare at Drew as Chas' aunt Muriel watched and went away to alert her brother about this.
"I'll bet you probably chickened out and denied your momma access to Parents' Night!"
"I was afraid this might happen," sighed Melinda to herself.
Glaring at his adversary, Chas replied, "Lay off, Drew. I told my friends that I would bring my mom to Parents' Night with my dad."
"Yeah, right!" sneered Drew. "Here's what Stu and I learned from our pop: never make a promise you can't keep."
"Oh, get out of the way so my dad and I can see our teacher!"
"Why don't you make me, Finster?"
"Because you're stronger than me, and it's not fair!"
"Then ask me nice…"
Chas only glared at Drew.
"Say pretty please with sugar on top… Say Drew Pickles is the smartest, most handsome boy in school!"
"Get out of the way!"
"If you can't be any nicer than that…"
Chas' father, Marvin Finster, walked in just in time, and his sister Muriel showed Marvin what was going on. Marvin was horrified to see Drew turn Chas upside down and make off with his money: five dimes, seven nickels, nine quarters, and a penny.
Chas was fighting back tears when Stu, Melinda, Didi, Betty, Marvin, and Muriel all approached him in sympathy.
Marvin said to Chas, "You and your mother were right all along. Drew's a real jerk."
"I'll say," added Stu.
Muriel, baring her fist, declared, "It's a shame that it's wrong for a grown-up to punch a child!"
"Now, now, Muriel, there's more than one way to deal with bullies," said Marvin. "Lucky for Charles, he has me to make him a man and put up with Drew's bullying." And he said to Chas' friends, "I taught him to swim on his first birthday. Took him all the way to Lake Michigan with a life preserver and some dry toast."
"Wow, Chas," said Betty. "Your dad's great! In fact, he's the coolest dad here!"
"I'm glad you showed him to us, Charles," said Melinda as she placed her hand on his shoulder.
Chas blushed as he said to the others, "Gee, thanks, guys. At least, this night can't get any worse."
Suddenly, Chas and his friends heard an all-too-familiar voice: "Charles, there you are!"
"Oh, no," groaned Chas as his mother, Shirley Finster, approached him.
"Oh, my little muffin man," she said. "I was worried sick over you!" And she kissed his cheek, pulled him up from the ground, and swept the dust from off his pants.
"Oh, mom! Please!"
But Shirley led Chas into the fourth-grade classroom, Stu, Didi, Betty, and Melinda following them.
Shirley turned around and said, "Oh, these must be your little friends. Let's see. Now, I know Stu and Melinda already, but you must Mimi and Greta." Didi and Betty gave her weird looks as she got their names all wrong. "Tell me, Charles, is it true that you have the crush on Melinda?"
"Mom!" cried Chas.
"Say, would you kids like to see some pictures of my little muffin man when he was just a baby?" And Shirley showed Stu, Didi, Betty, and Melinda a photo album containing all of Chas' baby pictures. "Here he is when he was six months old."
"That's a very unusual crib, Mrs. Finster," said Melinda.
"It's a puff pastry," Shirley replied. "He smelled like butter for a week."
"Why me?" groaned Chas.
The fourth-grade teacher saw Marvin and Shirley Finster and said, "Ah, so you must be Miss Finster's brother and sister-in-law."
"Indeed, we are," said Marvin. "I'm Marvin."
"And I'm Shirley," said Shirley.
"Ah, welcome to Parents' Night, Mr. and Mrs. Finster," said the fourth-grade teacher. "Would you like some crisp cookies?"
"Oh, thank you," said Shirley as she helped herself to a cookie. It was then when she noticed, to her dismay, that Chas wasn't enjoying himself.
Melinda whispered to Stu, Didi, and Betty, "Well, I guess we finally know why he was embarrassed of his mom."
Feeling guilty, the four children went straight for Shirley, told her all about why Chas didn't want her to attend Parents' Night, and led her to him.
Shirley asked, "Mind if I join you?"
"Sure, pull up a desk," said Chas despondently.
As she sat down, Shirley said, "Your friends explained to me why you didn't want me to attend Parents' Night this year. I know I embarrass you, but there's something very important I want to say."
"What?"
"I forgive you."
Chas was taken aback. "You forgive me?"
"That's right, Charles. You see, one day, you're going to feel so bad about being embarrassed by us, and I just want you to know that I understand how you feel."
"How could you possibly understand how I feel?"
"Well, when I was your age, my papa used to embarrass me so much I didn't want to bring him to public events. By the time I was twelve, I tried not to bring him to my sixth-grade graduation."
"Really?"
"The thing is, honey, no matter how much I embarrass you, your father and I are always gonna love you because you're our only child, and we're your only parents."
As Shirley was about to head for home, with Marvin and Muriel looking on, Chas said, "Wait, mom! There's still a half-hour left of Parents' Night."
"Well, come on then!" exclaimed Shirley as she, Marvin, Muriel, and Chas enjoyed the rest of the night.
But as the Finsters were about to greet the other kids' parents, Drew entered the classroom with his parents, as well as his ill-gotten money collected in a bag.
"Oh, no! Not Drew again!" groaned Chas.
"Don't bother him," said Muriel. "He's not worth your time."
Drew said to the fourth-grade teacher, "Mom, pop, this is my teacher."
"So, you must be Mr. and Mrs. Pickles," said the fourth-grade teacher to Lou and Trixie. "I'm afraid your son has been having a behavioral problem lately."
"Behavioral problem?" asked Lou.
"He's unkind to his classmates, lies to the other kids, and even steals from younger and weaker kids."
"He ought to be ashamed!" exclaimed Trixie. "And to think he stopped wetting the bed this year!"
As Drew overheard that, he looked at Stu, who smiled confidently to confirm that what their mother has said was true.
Drew was horrified that his deep, dark secret was let out, and he dropped the bag of coins and ran off screaming.
This allowed Chas to seize the opportunity to take back his coins (five dimes, seven nickels, nine quarters, and one penny). "That's three dollars and eleven cents precisely," said Chas as he put his money in a safer place: his pants pocket.
And off Chas went with his parents and his aunt Muriel, all laughing together at Drew's comeuppance, to enjoy the rest of the evening.
