A/N Thank you for your reviews. They really are important to me and help me to see how my story is perceived. As I have often said, I am sure they affect me more that I even realize.
I still own nothing.
Somehow, Penny made it back to her hotel room before she let it all go. Falling on her bed, she cried until she had no more tears. Finally, she got up and took a shower and changed clothes. She took a couple beers from the room refrigerator and sat in a chair.
She realized now that in spite of the fact she had told herself not to be disappointed, she had convinced herself this was going to work out. That she would go off to her movie feeling confident about her and Leonard.
Now she was completely crushed. Oh, she had got him agree to four months, but what really could she do to convince him. It was clear he just didn't trust her to stand by him, to be there when he needed her.
And why should he? Again and again, she had taken the option of turning inward, of shutting him out. What could she possible do to convince him she had changed? The sad thing was, she did truly believe she was different. She did feel she had gained a deeper understanding of who she was and felt she could be what he needed.
She had tried to tell him how, after hearing what he, Amy, and Bernadette had said, she understood what she had done and what she needed to do. But it appeared she would never get the chance. Without something comparable happening to what had happened in the past, how could they know if she would act differently?
She could fully understand he didn't want to wait until something happened. He could not take the risk, he needed to move on.
She didn't intend to give up. She would keep in contact and continue to try to convince him that she had changed, that she could be what he needed, but she had little hope it would succeed. There was also a slim chance he would come to believe it on his own, but that was probably a wishful dream.
She finished up the two beers and wondered what she should do now. Was there any reason to hang around? Should she try to talk to him again? What more could they say?
No, she needed to give it some time. She also needed to get ready to leave for her movie. She decided she would contact him after she returned to her apartment.
She should say goodbye to Bernadette and the others before she left. She wondered if any of them could help her convince Leonard. She smirked; it was more likely they would support him.
Deciding she didn't want to think anymore, and discovering she was exhausted, she laid down and soon dozed off.
When she awoke a few hours later, she talked to Bernadette, Sheldon and Amy. She told them what had happened. Although they all expressed their sadness that it hadn't worked out, she sensed they were not surprised. After telling them goodbye and that she would keep in touch, she decided she should make one more call. She felt guilty she had not called him earlier, but he was the one person she did not think she had directly hurt.
Figuring he would hear everything from the others, she just told Raj she had been in town and that she was leaving for her next picture. She could tell he wanted to see her and was a little hurt she hadn't called before; but she did not want to discuss anything with him. Saying she would keep in touch, she said goodbye.
She packed what she wouldn't need for the night and sat down on the bed. Before calling the airport, she wanted to be sure there was nothing she could do before she left. After going over everything again, she was about to call, when an absolutely absurd and crazy idea hit her. She was quickly dismissing it from her mind when she strangely suddenly remembered what the dwarf had said in Lord of the Rings.
'Certainty of death, small chance of success, what are we waiting for?'
She couldn't believe she was actually considering this. Sheldon could probably give her the exact odds of this succeeding, but she knew they were likely slim and none. She also had a feeling she was not facing up to the full consequences of what she was contemplating.
But, Hell, maybe that's what this situation called for. At least she would go down fighting.
Still not quite believing what she was about to do, she called the airport and obtained a ticket to New York for early the next morning. Discovering she was hungry, she ordered room service for supper and a bottle of wine.
Finishing off the wine, she got ready for bed and mercifully fell asleep. The next morning, she found herself excitedly waiting for the hotel shuttle. She realized she did want to try this, even if it was probably doomed to failure. She now could not wait to get to New York.
She had a lot of work to do!
It took all of Leonard's willpower not to run after her, to tell her it was all right, that they could be together. He couldn't believe he had given up a chance to have her back. All the days and nights he had dreamed of her, of them.
But even as he berated himself, he knew he what he had done was necessary, not only for him but for her. After all, she had also been deeply hurt after the miscarriage. Whatever the reasons, they had not been able to help each other.
Suddenly he felt the tears come. He cried for himself, for her, for them.
After a while, he pulled himself together. He decided he wasn't ready to talk to anyone and called up a Star Trek DVD, hoping it would take his mind off what had happened. Although it didn't completely work, he did make it through the afternoon.
After it finished, he was wondering what he should do next, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it to see it was Bernadette.
She spoke up, "Hey, Leonard. We all wanted you to know that Penny called us and told us what happened." She hesitated and then said, "We are all so sorry, Leonard, that it didn't work out." She moved forward and gave him a quick hug, "Everyone is over at 4A. We got Chinese, why don't you join us?"
Leonard realized that sounded good to him. Telling her yes, they headed over to Sheldon's and Amy's apartment.
The others had bought Raj up to speed and they all decided they would wait for Leonard to bring it up. When he realized they were not going to say anything, Leonard gratefully enjoyed a pleasant meal and evening with everyone.
After the others had left, Amy asked him, "How are you doing, Leonard? Can we do anything to help?"
Leonard smiled at her, "I am still a little numb. I know I did the right thing, but that doesn't stop it from hurting."
Sheldon spoke up, "Do you want to spend the night here?"
"No, thank you, but I'll be fine."
Amy interjected, "We'll see you tomorrow. If you need any of us for anything, we are all here for you."
"Thanks again, Guys, I may take you up on that later."
They exchanged goodnights and Leonard returned to his apartment.
He was afraid he wouldn't be able to sleep, but found he was exhausted from all that had happened.
For the next week, Leonard concentrated again on work, spending long hours at the lab. Amy insisted that he spend time with them and he was grateful for their support.
He wondered if he should call Penny, but decided he would wait and see for a while, hoping she would call him. For the first couple nights, he had again doubted his decision, but as time passed, he felt more comfortable with it.
After working Saturday morning at the lab, not wanting to dwell on the fact it was a week since his talk with Penny, he stepped off the elevator and almost ran into Sandi.
She smiled at him, "Hi, Lenny. It's good to see you. I stopped by a couple of time but you weren't home."
"I have been busy at work." He moved away from her, but she followed after him, "Do you mind if I come in for a moment, there is something I would like to discuss with you."
Leonard wanted to say no, but decided he had no good reason to avoid her.
When they were in the apartment, Sandi began, "Since our last talk, I realize I really do like you. Is there any chance we could go out? I was hoping you might be free now."
Leonard was surprised but then wondered if it might be a good idea to get out and have some fun. He also had to admit he would like to spend some time with Sandi. But then he thought of Penny and the four months. Would this go against what he had agreed on?
Sandi looked at him, she sensed something was bothering him and she had an idea who was causing it. Gathering her courage, "Are you all right, Lenny, you seem sad? Does all this have something to do with Penny Lawrence?"
Leonard was caught off guard, he knew he should just say no, it was none of Sandi's business. But he probably owed her some kind of explanation.
His deciding what to do had taken too long and Sandi went on, "I thought so. What's going on between you two? Is she bothering you?"
For a moment, Leonard wanted to tell her everything but knew he wasn't ready for that. "It is between Penny and me. We are still trying to work something out." He looked in her eyes, "As much as I would like to go with out you, I need to get this settled."
Sandi found herself getting a little angry, she wasn't used to being turned down; but then she realized she really didn't know what was going on.
"Alright, Lenny. I will leave you alone for now, but I warn you, I can be awfully persistent when it concerns something I want. Just be sure I am the first to know when you do get whatever it is all straightened out."
Leonard smiled sadly, "I really do like you, Sandi, and I assure you that you will be the first to know."
Sandi nodded and then without warning, thrust herself against him and gave him a passionate kiss.
She stepped back, and seeing the look on his face, "Just to let you know what you are missing."
As the first month passed by, Leonard was resigning himself to the fact that nothing was going to happen. No one had heard from Penny and when anyone called, they just got voicemail.
He had slowed down a little at work and was returning home on a Friday night. When he tried the elevator, he found it was held up somewhere. As he reached the third floor, he was stunned and found himself trying to catch his breath as he looked ahead to apartment 3B.
The door was open and Penny was standing there, dressed the same as she was sixteen years before. As he stood there gaping, wondering if he was hallucinating, she turned and seeing him; smiled and said, "Hi."
