Elsa yawned as she settled onto her throne. It was a familiar, comforting feeling, to sit in this chair even if sometimes she felt it was a little too confining. And too ostentatious.
But it was tradition, and there was enough change in Arendelle that she wasn't about to make a change to the royal decor so easily. Besides, it helped emphasize her authority and when dealing with the Horde or the Alliance she needed all the help she could get.
She barely remembered her morning. Jaina had been in bed with her, and her recollections of the twenty or so minutes between waking up and actually leaving the bed were foggy at best, as though she were looking at them through the memory of a hazy dream.
Had Jaina still been in bed with her? Her heart flipped, and she rubbed the arm rest, wondering if Jaina was still in her bedroom and if anyone would notice if she were to sneak out to find her. She lifted her head to rub her forehead and was just about to make the attempt when someone came in.
"Elsa! You're looking better." Anna all but flounced into the chair next to her, all bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Anna being alert this early was enough to make Elsa eye her sister warily. "I got some sleep, I think I'll be back up to snuff in a few days."
"Good!" Anna settled back, though she couldn't quite keep still, tapping her fingers in her lap and repeatedly shuffling her feet.
Elsa hid a smile behind her hand, a smile that turned into a yawn. "Sorry."
Anna rubbed her arms, shivering. "Why don't you take a rest day? I can handle petitions if something really needs your attention I'll call for you."
Anna's eagerness to help with her duties was always appreciated by Elsa, and she realized she was still a little too worn out to deal with her sister being this energetic. Which meant that Anna's suggestion had a lot of merit. "You know what? I'm not even going to argue with you on this."
She pushed herself to her feet. "I think maybe I'll pick out a book from the library and read it in the royal common room. That big comfy red chair sounds really nice right now."
"If I see Jaina I'll send her your way," Anna assured her, with an undertone that made Elsa flush.
Elsa took a step, and the crunching of ice drew her attention to her feet; there was a thin layer of ice on them marble tiles, her head snapped towards Anna. Anna was shivering almost violently, frost encrusting her eyebrows and lips, a white streak in her hair just like - "Anna!"
Anna stared at her, a thin line of blood forming from her left temple and down along the center of her face. "Elsa, I'm sorry."
The wound spread, cutting down her chest and up her right arm and the worst part, the worst part was that Anna just stared at her the whole time. Elsa turned away at the sound of footsteps, throwing her hands out as wind howled all around her.
A blast of ice struck Iduna in the heart and sent the little girl skidding along the ice. Elsa screamed in anguish, dropping to her knees hard enough to jar her teeth and scarcely noticing. She crawled towards Iduna and with shaking hands, she reached out towards her niece.
Iduna lay still and motionless, the ice spreading from her heart until she was frozen as solid as Anna had been on that day five years ago. Anna, who lay nearby dead and butchered and it was all Elsa's fault.
"That's what magic is for," Jaina said.
Elsa looked up at her, and Jaina was blurry through her tears.
"On Azeroth, magic is to harm. To fight, to hurt, to burn and freeze and boil the blood." Jaina held her hand up, energy spinning around in her palm. "And it's the same here, Elsa. We didn't bring war. You already had war. And it's only a matter of time until you realize that this is what your magic is for."
The ball of energy started to eat at Jaina's hand, growing and gnawing at her arm, and her shoulder and then started to consume her body.
Wailing, Elsa clung to Iduna's lifeless body as Jaina disintegrated before her and the magic continued to grow until the throne room, the castle and then the entire kingdom was gone. Elsa remained kneeling where she'd been, the only sound left quiet sobbing.
Something shook her, and her eyes snapped open. Jaina was staring down at her with deep concern in her eyes, her hair loose and about as tangled as the blankets around them were. Elsa grabbed her bare arm, digging her fingers in. "I…"
"It was a nightmare," Jaina assured her. "Whatever happened, it was just a nightmare."
Elsa squeezed her eyes shut, tears running down her cheeks. Jaina gently pulled her head against her chest, and she let her. "It was awful."
"I know, baby." Jaina nuzzled her cheek against the top of Elsa's head, as Elsa struggled to catch her breath without breaking out into uncontrollable sobbing. She lay there for a moment, Jaina's hand rubbing consoling patterns on her back, before she started to push away and try to get up.
Jaina caught her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes I just…" She shrugged off Jaina's arm and stood on wobbly legs. "I have to see something first. I'll be right back."
"I'll be here,"Jaina assured her. Elsa didn't dare let herself look into her eyes, as she wrapped a cloak around herself and slipped out of her bedroom.
Anna, Kristoff and Iduna had a suite to themselves, directly opposite Elsa's and never had Elsa been so grateful for her family's proximity. As quietly as she could, she opened the door to the suite's common room and crept across it to a slightly ajar door. She pushed it open and peered inside so see Iduna sleeping soundly in her bed.
Elsa stared at her for a full minute, just watching her chest rise and fall, before she returned the door to its original position and then walked across to test Anna's door. It was unlocked, and Elsa very, very slowly, turned the knob and opened the door just enough to try to get a look at her sister.
Just like her daughter, Anna was sound asleep, but very much alive. Elsa closed her eyes, sucking on her lips as emotion momentarily overwhelmed her. Just a nightmare, just a nightmare just a nightmare. A flash of Anna's head covered in blood made her open her eyes again and suppress a whimper.
Closing the door, Elsa retraced her steps out of the chambers, down the hall and then into her own. Jaina hadn't moved from Elsa's bed, though she was sitting up, arms wrapped around her knees. She looked remarkably vulnerable and reminded Elsa that Jaina was also plagued by nightmares on occasion. Wordlessly, she dropped the cloak onto a chair and then crawled into bed, leaning back against Jaina.
Jaina hugged her close, nose against her ear and voice reassuring as she asked, "They're okay?"
"Yes. I know it was silly to check but I had to make sure." Elsa held Jaina's arms more tightly around her stomach. "And if you hadn't already been here, I'd have peeked in on you too."
"Guess it's handy to have me around then."
Elsa snorted. Her heart was still racing, but now that she'd seen for herself her family was safe, she was starting to feel calmer. Evan so, she wasn't about to close her eyes for longer than a few seconds at a time, not yet. Not if it meant seeing those images from her nightmare again.
"You're shaking."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, Elsa."
She really was shaking, she realized. Even secure in Jaina's arms, she couldn't quite escape the terror and the grief. Her nightmares were usually about hurting Anna, that much was sadly common, but there'd been something new and violent about this one. "Sometimes, I guess I imagine what it would have been like if Anna hadn't been frozen when she'd gotten between me and Hans. And my nightmares play that out vividly."
"I've seen … that kind of injury too many times to count, littering the battlefield. To imagine it being someone I loved would be horrific."
Elsa stiffened, then pulled away from Jaina's arms. She didn't go far though, simply sitting up in bed in front of Jaina. "You say that so casually."
"It was an all too frequent occurrence," Jaina admitted. Her fingers brushed the base of Elsa's spine, as if she were afraid of her reaction to being touched right now.
Slowly, Elsa relaxed and leaned into Jaina's touch. "You don't have to worry about that any more."
Jaina slid her fingers up Elsa's spine, and then trailed them back down. She repeated the gesture until Elsa found herself melting back into her. Waking up alone would have made this nightmare worse, but she couldn't help but feel a ball of anxiety center in her stomach.
❄️
Snow drifted down in a light morning flurry as Jaina took a walk through the castle grounds. She heard laughter and followed the sound to the main courtyard, where she caught sight of a pair of long pink ears and the Night Elf they belonged to. She hadn't actually seen as many of the champions as she might have liked since Dalaran had come to Earth, and she was pleased to see Yukale in particular. At the very least she could keep her mind busy...
Yukale seemed to be in the middle of building something while Iduna cheered her on.
"What's this?" Jaina asked.
"Swing set," Yukale said, trying to speak around a screw driver in her mouth. She gestured at a toolbox and Jaina reached until she found what Yukale was pointing at.
"Arclight spanner?"
"Yep." Yukale took it and tightened a nut on one of the balancing poles of this so-called swing set.
Frankly, it looked like some kind of torture device, held up by poles arranged in a triangle on either side with another connecting them and a variety of ropes and chains to, presumably, make something swing. Jaina looked dubious. "What's it do?"
Yukale took the screwdriver out of her mouth and finished screwing in a wooden plank. Giving the thing a hearty shake, she nodded in satisfaction then picked Iduna up. "They had something like this at the Darkmoon Faire and there's a painting in the castle that reminded me of it. Thought it might be good for the kiddo."
Then she sat Iduna on the plank, told her to hold on, and pushed. The girl squealed in delight as she swung up towards Jaina, then back towards Yukale. Jaina looked at the structure again, then at the ropes, and the girl on the plank. "Oh! Use your legs Iduna, you can keep it going yourself!"
Iduna giggled almost uncontrollably and Yukale took a step back and to the side to watch, though she stayed close in case of an emergency. She grinned at Jaina. "The marvels of modern technology."
"And an ancient principle," Jaina replied. She felt a momentary pang in her chest. "You're really good with children. At least this one."
"There are … toy companies on this world. I was thinking I could get into that business. At least it would give us enough money to travel. And a few other things."
"Don't plan to settle down any time soon?"
Yukale's ears twitched, swiveling forward a little as she smiled. "There'll be places to welcome us when our feet stop itching. But … while we didn't quite get everywhere, Kiska and I did spent most of our time exploring the farthest reaches of Azeroth and beyond. And now there's this whole new world just … waiting for us."
Jaina considered that. Yukale always tried to look on the positive side of things and it was something that Jaina was trying to learn how to do again. "What about those other things?"
"Well…" She looked back at Iduna. "There's a number of orphans that came through, too. I've been spending a lot of time with them and we've grown close to this Draenei girl, Dornaa…"
"I can't think of any better potential parents."
"Yeah, and this world … well it's not perfect, right? But it's better. Their wars are less earth-shattering. I won't have to fight, and - her ears drooped, "I can't begin to tell you how tired I am of fighting. Seeing those Faceless Ones again, it was too easy to resort to muscle memory."
"Peace is a constant vigil." Jaina folded her arms and closed her eyes. She felt Yukale's sentiment on a spiritual level. But she also knew if they weren't careful, it would be too easy to start up conflicts all over again.
"Why is that so easy?" Elsa's voice cut into her thoughts, and Jaina saw her standing near the swing.
"Why is what?" Yukale asked. "Fighting?"
"Yes."
"It just…" Yukale seemed to flail about for an answer. "It just is. I mean, I hate it. Like I don't hate the excitement and being in danger, but I hate hurting people, and I want it to be different here. There are other ways to get thrills."
"Thrills?" Elsa asked, furrowing her brows. "How can you get thrills from that?!"
"She means-"
"I want to hear it from her."
Yukale folded her arms, her head tilting to the side. "Have you ever jumped off a cliff?"
"I'm sorry?" Elsa looked taken aback.
"There's a surge of adrenaline when you're in danger. When the ground is rushing up at you and the wind is screaming in your ears. And then, at the last moment, you stop yourself. A parachute, a glider, and you land safely." She twirled her hand. "A fight is like that. When you're in the moment and one wrong move means you die. That's what I mean. I don't like it, but that's the way it is. I vastly prefer contests where no one dies, but when I'm defending myself or someone else, I'll do what I have to."
"You jump off of cliffs for fun?"
Yukale shrugged. "This one time before the Dark Portal reopened Kiska and I jumped off of Teldrassil-"
Chuckling, Jaina interjected. "You're an adrenaline junkie we get it."
"Point being, I can get that rush without hurting someone. I never wanted war, I never wanted to fight my friends in the Horde."
"You keep talking about peace but you're as willing to pick up arms as anyone," Elsa said, looking between them and clearly implicating Jaina in her statement.
Jaina pressed a hand to her chest. "You would have us do nothing when someone tries to take an axe to our heads? Burns a farm? Slaughters-"
"This isn't Azeroth!" Ice crept out from Elsa's feet, the air suddenly attuned to her magic. Jaina started to reach out to Elsa, but one look from her made her drop her hand. "This is Earth. And yes, we have our problems. We have murders and wars and betrayals. No country is without sin. But this is Earth and war is not the default state!"
"I read up on some of your histories-"
"And I read up on yours," Elsa snapped. "Do our enemies deserve to die simply because we judge them to be evil? Who's the judge? What if they're wrong? Who gets to decide that?"
Elsa was trembling, fear and anger warring on her face and her eyes sunken in. This time Jaina tried to pull her into her arms. "There's no single judge. There's just… "
"One side does something and the other responds," Elsa whispered, "Then that side does something worse, and the first side responds. And it keeps happening and it keeps getting worse until the world is burning and it's all you can do to keep yourself and the people you love alive and how is that any way to live?"
"It's just the way it is." Jaina cupped Elsa's cheek. "Was. The way it was."
"You're still afraid." Elsa pushed Jaina away, lifting her hands to her head. "You have to stop being afraid. No one knows better than I do what problems fear creates."
"Elsa," Jaina dug her nails into her palms, unsure of where this had come from or how she might have missed Elsa's anxiety over it. "There are always going to be dangers, and there will always be a risk of needing to fight."
"On Azeroth." Elsa turned away, taking part of Jaina's fracturing heart with her. She picked Iduna up and walked briskly away.
"I think," Yukale whispered, catching Jaina's hand before she could follow, "That you may want to give her a few hours."
"I said all the wrong things." Jaina pressed her palm into her eye.
"Well, yeah."
"She's not entirely wrong," Jaina conceded. "I've been here months longer than any of you and while I feel like it's all burned out of me, I can't … I can't stop thinking about every possibility, every way I might need to hurt people to protect people. I don't even know where to start."
Yukale stared at the swingset for a long moment, then picked up her pack. She started fishing around in it. "We'll always need to be armed. To skin and hunt and eat, that sort of thing. But…"
Making an 'aha' sound, she withdrew a sheathed dagger. The insignia on the sheath and hilt had long ago worn away. Yukale held it out to her. "I've got a few more in Dalaran, with the weapon ban in Arendelle and all, but it's habit to keep that around. I've had that since Hyjal. The first time. The Third War was my first war."
"Mine too," Jaina whispered, staring at the weapon. "What do you want me to do with it?"
"Transmute it," Yukale said. She looked back at the swingset. "How about into a toy?"
