As requested by TheEmeraldDoe

"Please can you let me kill Zuko? It would make things so much easier," Ozai begged Ursa. "Please. I'll stop leaving my dirty socks on the floor. I'll stop calling him a little bitch whenever he fucks up a firebending form. After all, I can't call him a little bitch if he's dead!"

Ursa gave up on the "you can't kill him because he's our son and I don't want him to die" argument. She had to try something else, and the idea that came to her was glorious. "What if we just killed your dad instead?" she suggested.

Ozai gasped in awe. "Ursa, you're a fucking genius."

"I know," she said dismissively, and lowered her voice. "Listen, I, uh, know a guy. I know I've been telling you that I'm involved with shady black market people just for the weed… well, and the anarchist literature, but… I can hire someone to, y'know…" She made a slicing motion across her throat.

"Litty titty," Ozai whispered.

"You're gonna have to banish me for this. Just so it's not suspicious," she said. "And I can't deal with you anymore, to be honest. You're the worst person I've ever met. It's especially annoying when you have bad dreams. You always call that one guard Steve into bed with us and have him hold you and caress your face until you fall back asleep. Listen, I'm gay too, but at least I have my trysts in private."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it bothered you so much!" Ozai groaned. "And you're just gonna leave me with the kids? You know I can't raise them on my own."

"Just let your brother deal with them, and do not touch them." She grabbed his shoulders. "Promise me right now that you won't touch them."

"Can I touch them with fire?"

Ursa sighed and made the horrible mistake of disregarding the statement. "Well, let's meet our contestants," she said.

The first hitman Ursa introduced to Ozai was a guy they called "Silent But Deadly." They met him down in the opium den, right next to the reading-books-where-the-dog-dies den.

"So you're, like, a ninja or something?" Ozai asked, extending his hand to shake.

Silent But Deadly said nothing.

"I'll take that as a no." He retracted his arm.

Silent But Deadly stared them down. He was silence. He was the sound between the notes of a song. He was the crowd holding its breath as the performer geared up for their final act. He was the emptiness of interstellar space. He was the calm before the storm. He was death.

"Can we find a different guy?" Ozai whispered, not daring to break eye contact with Silent But Deadly. His third eye did not blink.

"Yeah, this guy creeps me out, and I don't know how I'm supposed to negotiate with him if he doesn't talk," Ursa whispered back.

They met the second assassin in a seedy bar on the outskirts of the city. She was what one could only call a "bad bitch," and she was juggling men with one hand while holding seven mugs of beer in the other, which she chugged all at once.

"You know I don't kill people," she said once Ursa had pulled her aside. As they spoke, she beat up a man twice her size with only a pinky finger — and without looking. "I only track them down. What happens after that is none of my business."

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving the palace soon, for good… and I want you with me," Ursa murmured huskily into her ear.

The bounty hunter smiled slyly and raised her eyebrows. "In that case, just give me a time and a place to meet. I'd love to finally be able to spend more time with you…" She twirled a finger through Ursa's hair. "Just thinking about all the things we could do together is making me—"

Ozai cleared his throat loudly. "What was it you said earlier about having trysts in private?"

"Oh, sorry," she said. "I must be going. I have things to attend to, after all." She left with a wink.

The third assassin they met in an alleyway. "Ursa, this is just a cabbage merchant," Ozai said.

"No, he's much more than that, I assure you," she replied. "Look what happens when you try to walk away with a cabbage without paying. It's code for wanting to hire him for a hit." She picked up a cabbage and started to head down the street.

"Miss! Miss! Where do you think you're going?" the merchant cried out once he noticed. He lunged forward so abruptly that the whole cart toppled over, and he cried out a forlorn "my cabbages!" Amused at the man's distress, Ozai set his produce on fire and laughed at him.

"Okay, so maybe he was just a cabbage merchant," Ursa said, tossing the cabbage into the burning heap while the man sobbed. "Let's get out of here before someone comes after us."

Silent But Deadly seemed like their best bet. Sneaking him into the palace was easy enough — they used Ursa's weed-smuggling tunnel to reach the throne room. Azulon sat amidst the flames, surprisingly not yet dead from heat stroke, especially in his old age and with all those heavy robes on.

"Okay, Silent But Deadly, do your thing," Ozai commanded.

Silent But Deadly inhaled deeply, his third eye glowing. A sudden explosion tore the room into fragments, the deafening boom setting off car alarms and making dogs bark several dimensions over. Azulon's guts sprayed everywhere. It was metal as fuck.

"What the hell?" Ozai screamed to make himself heard above the ringing in everyone's ears. "That wasn't silent!"

"But it was deadly, and that's what counts. Besides, the silent part of his name refers to how he never talks, dumbass," Ursa grumbled, wishing that Azulon's brains hadn't splattered all over her clothes. It had been a nice dress, and now it was ruined. "Aight, I'ma head out. Smoke weed every day."

And with that, Ursa vanished. The scheme had been completed.