Chapter 17: The first snow
Nick leaned his forehead against the shower wall. It had been a month since he saw her for last time but he still couldn't take her out of his mind. He missed her.
He kept asking to himself what Sabrina Spellman had because he couldn't stop thinking about her, about the way she frowned when something irritated her, the sound of her laughter or the way her eyes shone when she was talking about the people she loved. He couldn't stop thinking about her lips or how passionate she could be. Nick turned around and let the water fall in his face. He didn't know how, because he had never felt that way before, but he was sure he was in love with her.
And that was a huge problem because she didn't want to see him.
She had given him the cold shoulder weeks ago and she didn't answer none of his texts or calls. She was putting distance between them and he didn't know what to do.
He felt unable to stay away from her.
Not after that kiss.
He went out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Nick ran a hand over his wet face and hair, he had taken a decision.
Today, the first day of the new semester, he was going to talk to Sabrina Spellman.
And hope for the best.
Even when he wasn't so confident about it. At least he had to try.
But, if she said no to him again he was going to leave her alone. How hard could be not see her in a College with thousands of students? He knew he wouldn't be able to stay as her friend if she rejected him again, his heart was already too damaged to expose it to such pain.
Nick dressed with warm clothes and put on a jacket before taking his bag. He decided to grab a coffee in his way to College because he still had some time before his first class of the day.
The streets and shop's windows were still decorated for the holidays and he tried to not look at them. Nick didn't like the holidays and was glad they were over. He had almost forgotten any good memory he could've had of that time of the year. He sighed not without some nostalgic.
Memories, at least the good ones, were fading too fast from his mind, Nick hopped the bad ones were as easy to forget but they weren't. He rearranged the scarf around his neck, nothing good could come if he continued thinking about the past. There were so many things he really wanted to forget. And others he wanted to preserve in his memory but they have started to fade away little by little.
Nick had his coffee in hand and was about to enter to the building were his first class was held when he heard his phone rang, he didn't like the almost irrational hope he felt thinking that maybe Sabrina had decided to finally answer him but when he read the text he frowned and almost drop his coffee to the ground.
8 pm at my place. Don't be late.
He resisted the sudden urge of throwing away his phone. He was tired and sick of the women insistence but still couldn't avoid her commands, he didn't know how to stop the spiral he was in, he only knew he needed to find a way to escape and soon.
He didn't want to kept playing that sick game anymore.
Nick threw his still warm coffee in the trash can, he felt unable to take another sip. His stomach had stirred when he read that text message. Why did she always have to appear? Why couldn't she leave him alone at once? He wanted a new life, away from the mistakes he had made in the past but apparently these mistakes would never stop stalking him.
Maybe it was not a good idea to talk to Sabrina after all, he had to admit that she was better off without him, he was always bringing problems and he didn't want to do that to her. But the mere idea of not seeing her anymore caused was almost unbearable. He had to find a way to solve his problems and still be able to be with her, if she accepted him obviously.
He took a deep breath before entering.
Nick went through his day as normally as he could, he went to his classes and tried to pay attention to his professors but his mind was elsewhere. He was mentally preparing himself to talk to Sabrina but the day was passing by and he still wasn't sure of what to say to her.
He noticed the looks his classmates gave him. They always looked at him, but none was able to get close to him. At least not enough. It was strange, how people always tried to come close to him, to be his friend and always failed. He had always been a reserved person, he could flirt with people, talk with them and even have sex with them but he never let them get emotionally close to him, he always kept his distance, at least until Sabrina. She had been the only person he wanted to be close to and even when he was scared, he wanted to continue feeling what he felt when she was with him.
He liked the warm feeling that her smile caused in him.
He wanted to be with her, be the one who made her laugh, the one she loved. But he didn't know what she felt, Sabrina said she loved her boyfriend but the way she had kissed him told him otherwise, he wasn't indifferent to desire but that kiss was something more, he had felt something else behind the evident attraction they felt for each other.
He wanted her too. But not only in his bed, he wanted to be with her every single day and every single hour of those days. Nick sighed, he was in love.
It was so new, so overwhelming and so scary at the same time.
After his last class finished he went to the library and tried to study. He didn't know Sabrina's new schedule and he decided it was the best to wait. For a second he thought he could ask Ambrose or Prudence but he dismissed the idea.
Hours passed by slowly and he couldn't concentrate in nothing but Sabrina.
He looked at his watch. It was time.
Nick gathered his things and put them in his bag with slow moves, he could never admit it but he felt nervous, he hadn't practiced what to tell her, he had decided that the best was to open his heart to her and wait.
Things could go really good or really bad but he needed to stop with the incertitude.
The night was cold and few people were walking around the campus when he left the library, he took a deep breath before he started to walk towards Sabrina's residence.
He knocked on her door and waited.
She wasn't the one who opened the door. It was Prudence, she looked at him with an arched eyebrow but didn't say anything, she turned slightly and called over her shoulder.
"It's for you, Sabrina"
He heard as Sabrina dragged a chair, surely she had been studying. He was aware of each of her steps to the door. She stopped halfway.
Prudence gave a shrug to both of them before returning to the interior of the room, he was almost sure he heard her hum in her way back.
"Nick…" she exclaimed surprised "what are you doing here?"
"Sabrina, please, we need to talk"
He saw the change in her, how she let her guard up.
"We don't have nothing to talk about, Nicholas. I thought I've made myself clear"
"Sabrina…" he said her name with pleading voice but she said nothing and only looked at him with daggers in her eyes.
"Oh, c'mon, Sabrina, don't be such a bitch and talk to him" Prudence said from her bed.
Sabrina turned to dedicated her a cold look and then closed the door behind her back.
"You have 5 minutes" she told him, she had her arms crossed over her chest in a defensive posture.
"Can we talk elsewhere?" Nick asked her.
"Why?"
He looked sideways, there was some girls lingering in the hallway, attentive to each of their words in a not so subtly way. Sabrina let out a snort.
"Let me get my coat and we can talk outside"
Nick was about to tell her that outside was too cold, but apparently she didn't pretend to talk with him for long. He couldn't admit it but he was afraid she won't come out.
But she did.
They walked in silence, the air was chilly and the night dark, he looked at her under the light of the lampposts, her hair looked almost white under the light, he had never seen her more beautiful and the need to kiss her was so strong that he had to clench his fist to stop himself from doing so.
Sabrina stopped and resumed her defensive posture. She arched an eyebrow and waited.
"Go on, I'm all ears"
Nick sighed. This wasn't easy for him, he wasn't used to talk about his feelings and now here he was, about to baring his soul to her and ask for a chance.
"Sabrina…" he closed his eyes for an instant "I like you, you have no idea how much. And the way, the way you kissed me tell me that…"
"That was a mistake" she interrupted him "A mistake I won't ever make again"
"Don't… don't say that"
"That's all you have to say?" she asked and Nick felt silent, he didn't know what to say.
She dedicated him an irritated look before turning to leave, he held her by the wrist before she went too far. Sabrina stopped her tracks.
"Why did you kiss me?" he asked "At least answer me that"
"I don't have to give you explanations" her voice was sharp.
"I just need to know" he said "I need to know if you feel the same I'm feeling"
Sabrina closed her eyes. His voice was so soft, so desperate, that broke something inside of her. She turned and looked at him in the eyes, his dark eyes were on her with that look again, the one that made her knees weak and her heart beat fast.
"Nick…"
"I like you" he insisted with husky voice. He decided to take a risk and extended his hand to cup her cheek, surprisingly she let him and he took it as a good sign "I think I'm in love with you"
There, he said it. She looked at him astonished.
"Don't say things like that" she told him "not when you don't feel them"
"Who said you I'm not feeling it? I'm telling you the truth, Sabrina"
"I don't…" she shook her head "It's hard to believe you"
"Because of my past?" he asked but Nick didn't need an answer when he could see it all over her face "What I have to do…? What I have to do so you'll believe me?"
"It's not that simply, Nick… I… I"
"Tell me, at least what you feel for me. I need to know" he begged her.
Sabrina sighed, what could she say him?
The truth she decided, she was going to tell him the truth.
"I like you too" she saw hope in his eyes and felt her stomach tighten because she was going to crash that hope with her next words "but we cannot be"
"Why not?"
Why not? Because she had a boyfriend but more important, because she was scared. Scared of give him a chance only for him to stomp her heart in the ground.
"I have a boyfriend"
"I don't care…" he leaned closer to her, she felt his warm breath against her cold skin.
"Nick…" she said in a warning tone.
"Broke-up with him"
"I can't…" she closed her eyes, he was so close and she felt so weak.
"That's not the only reason. Tell me, what is it?" he asked with a soft voice "It's what the people said of me? It's that what you are scared from?"
He still had his hand cupping her cheek, he brushed his thumb against her cheek, Sabrina unconsciously leaned against his palm. She nodded.
"I don't want to be just another notch in your belt"
"You will not!" he vehemently said "you are so much more than that to me"
Nick leaned his forehead toward hers, his was breathing heavy and so was hers. When Sabrina looked up, she saw sincerity in his eyes.
"Give me a chance" he asked.
"I'm scared..." she confessed "I don't want you to hurt me"
"I never would. Sabrina, I'm being the most honest I've been in my whole life" he told her with soft voice "You have no idea what you're doing to me."
"I don't know if I can believe you"
"Let me show you" he whispered "Please…"
It was he who kissed her this time. It was a slow and tender kiss, although she could feel despair beneath the surface. There was something in the way he kissed her that made her feel weak, Sabrina clung to his shoulders, he still had one of his hands on her cheek gently caressing her, while with the other he had drawn her by the waist. She melted against him.
There was something in his kisses telling her that she could never have enough.
Her heart was beating so hard that it was almost painful.
Nick separated from her lips just a few inches, she could feel his breathing agitated against her own lips. She wanted to kiss him again but also knew it was wrong, very wrong.
"Give me a chance" he asked again "I promise I'll take good care of your heart"
He waited for Sabrina's answer, he was nervous, unsure of what she would tell him. He had stripped his heart in front of her with the hope that she would give him a chance at what they were feeling and he didn't know how he would do to endure a negative response. Could they at least still be friends? He doubted it, not when the need for the other was almost palpable every time they were together.
Sabrina didn't know what to answer. She couldn't keep denying what she felt for him, but it was true when she told him she was afraid. Trying to have a relationship with Nick would be like jumping into the void.
Exciting and risky at the same time.
He still had his arms around her and she had hers on his shoulders, she reached out one of her hands to touch the curls in his nape. He let out a content sound.
"If I give you a chance... you promise me you won't hurt me?" she asked and he nodded "And that you stop will flirting with others"
"I have no eyes for anyone but you" he told her with a smile on his lips. She had never seen him smile like that, he seemed genuinely happy.
"You do know how to be cheesy, Scratch," she replied with a smile.
"Is that a yes, Spellman?"
She nodded.
Nick lifted her up to him and turned them around, they both laughed in the middle of the night. When she had her feet on the ground again, they looked at each other with a smile in their faces.
They kissed again.
Sabrina couldn't help thinking that what she was doing wasn't right, but even if it was bad, why did it feel so good?
"You should go in" he said with his lips still over hers "it's getting too cold"
She nodded but did not separate from his embrace. He gave her a peck on the lips before releasing her.
"Go inside" he insisted "I don't want you to get sick"
"See you tomorrow?"
Nick nodded.
"Do you have time for breakfast?" he asked her.
"Yes. Is 9 am good for you? My first class is at noon"
He gave her another peck.
"Perfect"
Nick liked the smile he saw on her lips. He promised himself not to break the promise he had made to her. He was going to take good care of her heart.
"Go inside" he insisted. Sabrina walked back to the building, he followed her with his eyes, before entering she turned to see him.
He gave her a smile and she smiled back at him. She couldn't help it, she needed another kiss from him so she ran back to him. They kissed again, it was a long and passionate kiss.
They were so immersed in what they were feeling in the other arms that neither of them noticed that it had begun to snow. When they separated to take a breath Sabrina saw snowflakes in Nick's hair, she ran a hand through his curls.
"It's snowing" she told him.
He looked up and saw the snow slowly falling, then he looked down to see her again. She was more beautiful than the first snow of the year. He kissed her again and was sure he could never get tired of doing it.
After one last kiss they separated, Nick waited until Sabrina entered the building to walk back to his apartment, he heard his cell phone ring and took it out of his pocket.
Of course it was her.
"Where are you?" the voice demanded. Nick let out a sigh trying to give himself courage.
"I'm not going"
"That's not a decision you can make, Nick"
"Yes, it is. I'm sick of this… game of yours"
"We will discuss this later"
"No, we are not. I told you, we are over"
"What it's this?" the woman said "Are you trying to leave me?"
"We are over" he insisted.
"What? Why could you end with me?"
"It's my decision"
"You will regret this. You are nothing without me"
"I don't care" he said and he mean it.
"You need me" she insisted "You know it. Sooner or later you will come back, you always do, Nick"
"Not this time"
"Stop this foolishness and came here and I may forgive your attitude"
Nick hung up the phone, he was sick of listening her. He knew he would have to face the consequences of what he had just done but he didn't care, he was going to keep the promise he made to Sabrina and to do so, he had to cut every tide he had with Amalia.
He was sick of being her toy.
