AN: Because friends will always roast other friends and Machias' S-Craft line in CSIII is equal parts awesome and roastworthy.


Open Mouth, Insert Foot

The sight of his four friends (three human, one feline) staring at him wordlessly after the battle had concluded should have been a warning sign in itself.

"What?" Machias asked, growing increasingly unnerved by the silence as the seconds ticked by. "Is something the matter?"

Emma cleared her throat and averted her eyes.

Rean coughed, one hand busily adjusting the collar of his jacket.

Alisa simply grinned.

Celine grinned harder.

And just like that, he understood. He wished with all his might that he hadn't, of course, but he did.

"… I said it out loud, didn't I?"

"Oh yeah," Celine replied merrily, sounding almost as if a fresh bowl of milk had been set down in front of her. "Y'sure did. 'You failed your inspection', huh? Really?"

Goddess, it had sounded so much better in his head.

"Be honest," Alisa jumped in, her eyes twinkling with a mischievous sparkle as the painfully familiar blush began to spread across his cheeks. "How long have you been waiting to use that one?"

Celine cackled. "Since graduation?"

"Earlier, maybe."

"Hey, can you blame him?" Rean said, crossing his arms with a firm nod. "It's a good line."

Three pairs of disbelieving eyes - thank you for the support, Emma - immediately fixed themselves upon the Ashen Chevalier, who for his part could only chuckle weakly and turn his palms upwards in resignation.

"… Okay, it's not. But hey, the stuff you did with the guns was really – "

"Oh, yes! Y-Your marksmanship has certainly improved, Machias. You should be very proud," Emma hastily chimed in, the corners of her mouth curling upwards in spite of what must have been a furious attempt to fight the smile down.

Well, it was the thought that counted.

"I'll take the compliments in the spirit they were offered," Machias said with as much dignity as he could possibly muster under the circumstances. "So, are we done with this now?"

"Dunno," Celine mused. "I guess it depends on how many more inspections these critters plan to fail."

"Hmph. I suppose that's a no," he grumbled as Alisa broke into a fit of helpless giggles, slumping against a visibly amused Rean, and beside him Emma discreetly moved her lips next to his ear, whispering.

"You know… it could always be worse."

He rolled his eyes. "I fail to see how."

"Jusis," she said patiently. "Or Fie. Or Jusis and Fie."

He paused momentarily, shuddering as those horrifying possibilities sank in.

"And on second thought, you make a compelling argument."

"I usually do," she teased, punctuating her words with a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling away and grasping his wrist, their companions none the wiser. "Come on. I'm sure this will be forgotten about before you know it. Besides, anymore sulking and we'll get left behind."

"I-I'm not sulking!"

"Mm-hmm. Whatever you say, Inspector."