A/N - Fasten your seatbelts, folks. This ride is about to get bumpy!
For those of you who read this story previously, this is a massive deviation from the original but worry not, it will all tie in eventually.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter, I really really love reading them.
Enjoy!
Chapter 19
9pm.
I had slept for 13 hours, roused by hunger from my shallow and restless sleep.
Groaning, I stumbled blindly in the dark towards the bathroom, fumbling for the light switch and squinting my painful, swollen eyes in the sudden light that doused the room.
I looked awful. My hair was matted, my eyes tired and red, my skin looked dull and my body ached all over.
After brushing my teeth, I decided to shower in a vain attempt to freshen up and sooth my aching, tired body. My mind was reeling with the events of the past 24 hours and despite the dull throb of my head, I couldn't shake my anxiety. Mentally, I was tired yet felt stronger in my resolve and my promise to myself to be less erratic and more steadfast, but self doubt and insecurity is crippling.
It was time to start thinking first and acting later, I knew that much. My mind worked at lightening pace as I was consumed with thoughts of Edward and how I'd approach him. He'd always been so composed, so sure-footed around me and I knew that the answers I was seeking would not be easy to pry from him. His tough exterior would be almost impossible to penetrate but I had to try, of that I was certain.
I stared at nothing in particular as I brushed my hair and changed in to a pair of jeans and cream sweater, my mind thinking of everything yet nothing in particular other than my plan to eat first and tackle the issue of Edward on a full stomach. Edward, food, danger, answers and doubt, it all flashed through my mind at agonising speed making it impossible to focus.
I thought back to my first few days in this house, when Edward caught me in the kitchen. The first time I met him and I smiled back at the memory wishing I could return to that point and change a lot of my behaviour, make a conscious effort to really get to know the man that has caused so much of my inner struggles. If I had that time again there was so much I would do differently yet a lot I wouldn't change at all. It was hard to regret a lot of the decisions I had made along the way because they had led to so many good things. Who's to say that if anything changed, the outcome would be different? It was confusing and painful to discern and it was getting me nowhere. I couldn't go back in time and I couldn't fret. What was done was done and from there, I had no idea what would or could happen.
Taking a deep breath, I left my hair damp and left the room, looking out in to the dimly lit hallway before making my way towards the kitchen on slow shuffling feet, driven on autopilot.
"Chow, Bella!"
My head snapped up at the friendly greeting as I entered the kitchen and I smiled at Emmett in reply. At least I could always count on him to be consistent.
"You look tired, girl." He stated cheerfully as he sat me down at the table, pulling a chair out for me.
"Eh, thanks?" My reply came as a question but I couldn't help but snigger at his jovial attitude and childish giggle of "you're welcome."
"So..." he started after a beat, handing me a large mug of coffee before he started rummaging in the fridge and I held my breath, bracing myself for what was coming next. "Chicken or beef?" He inquired and I raised my eyebrows at him. That wasn't the line of questioning I was prepared for. "Burgers, Bells. What do you prefer?" He smirked over his shoulder. He knew exactly what he was doing.
"Either, Emmett. It really doesn't matter." I took a long drink of coffee before I turned to him fully. "I can do that though, you don't need to worry."
He waved his hand at me over his shoulder in a dismissive manner as he continued to rummage through the large refrigerator.
"Gotta be beef," he mumbled to himself, stacking his oversized arms with food before turning towards the expansive cooker. "I make a mean burger, brace yourself, oh fiery one."
I snorted as he sniggered at his own wit.
"I didn't mean to worry anyone," I whispered, looking down in to my coffee. "Sorry." I really was sorry, not thinking about those around me before I acted in haste and anger was yet another revelation about myself I needed to work on. Emmett had always made it clear that he was protective of me and wanted to keep me safe. Jasper too, in his own silent way.
"Meh, don't sweat it," he answered as he messed around with the food and the switches on the hob. "You're okay and that's all that matters, although..." he turned to look at me then, fixing me with a teasing glare and crossing his arms over his chest. "Next time, just let someone know what you're doing, yeah? I can keep a secret. If you want to piss Edward off, that's fine but just... let someone know."
I smiled sadly at him but nodded. "Okay, deal."
"Good." He winked and turned back to the food, his smile never faltering.
The silence stretched out before us for a long time before I cleared my throat and spoke again.
"I need to speak to him."
"I bet," he replied, sniggering a little but not looking at me.
"Is he still angry?" I wasn't sure I truly wanted the answer. Angry was an understatement the last time I had seen him.
"You bet," Emmett snorted, cutting onions and a tomato.
"So, what do I do?"
He didn't answer me straight away, instead I followed his movements as he flipped the burgers he was cooking, waiting with baited breath for his reply.
"You talk to him before he shoots some poor fucker in the head for waxing his car wrong."
"Right," I sighed, not sure if that truly helped my nerves at that moment. It was a joke, I knew that but I couldn't pretend it wasn't a real possibility with Edward.
Be strong, Bella.
"Is he in his office?" I continued, steeling myself to go down there.
"Yup," he answered, popping the 'p' and handing me a plate consisting of one of the biggest burgers I've ever seen. My eyes widened as I looked at it and he laughed at my reaction, probably not sure if my wide eyed expression was aimed at my burger, the two on his plate or the revelation that Edward was so close.
Although I had to admit, the burger was delicious and the sudden feeling of food in my body settled my nerves and made me feel a little more human as I ate it tentatively.
"I need to go down there, don't I?" I asked, placing my burger back on the plate. "He won't come to see me, will he?"
Emmett swallowed a large bite of burger before looking at me from across the table, a flash of sympathy crossing his boyish features.
"Yes you do and no, he won't," he answered honestly and I nodded. Deep down I knew he wouldn't seek me out so it wasn't a surprise. "But..." he continued, "if it helps, he wants you to go down there."
I raised my eyebrows in surprise at Emmett's words, silently urging him to continue.
"He'd rather die than admit it." He snorted, rolling his eyes and continuing to eat his food. "But his head snaps up so fast when his door knocks that every single person in this house is on edge."
"He could just be angry," I sighed, refusing to get my hopes up that maybe he was hoping I'd walk through his door.
"He's always angry, Bells." I couldn't help but snort at Emmett's teasing. "But nah, it's different," he continued, watching me closely. "He gets angrier and snappier when the door opens and no matter who it's been today, it hasn't been the person he wanted it to be. Take that as you will." He shrugged and went back to his food.
I processed the information Emmett had given me as I picked at the rest of my burger, no longer hungry and instead, anxious not to delay the inevitable any longer.
Standing up, I thanked Emmett for the food and offered to clean up but he dismissed me, telling me not to worry about and I took a deep breath before leaving the kitchen.
"Good luck!" He called, laughing to himself and I rolled my eyes teasingly at him from over my shoulder.
It wasn't a long walk from the kitchen to his office but my feet felt like led as I made my way deeper in to house, eventually coming to a stop outside of his office door. Lifting my hand timidly, I knocked a couple of times at the heavy door, cursing the pain it caused.
I heard a barked muffled "what?" So I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. It was now or never and my heart thumped in my ears as I peered around the heavy door.
"Can I come in?" I whispered as my eyes locked with his from across the room. Deep forest green meeting pale brown, neither breaking contact as he nodded and sat straighter in his chair.
He was breathtaking and my heart thudded impossibly harder, my pulse quickening as I took him in. His crisp white shirt with the top couple of buttons undone to show a slither of his perfect chest and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, strong tense forearms on display; his hair was sticking in every direction as though he had done nothing but run his hands through it and tug on it all day; his angular jaw was covered in a couple of days worth of stubble and his jaw was set hard, his eyes setting me alight as I slowly made my way further in to the room. I had never felt so physically attracted and so dangerously drawn to a man in my whole life, it was unnerving.
I really didn't want to lose him but I didn't want to fight either. I had to do this.
Lowering myself in to the leather chair across from his desk, I took a deep breath and picked at my nails in a show of nerves, bracing myself to speak.
"Edward," I started, my facial features softening even though his didn't. It was almost as though he was waiting for me to either start a fight or run, but he didn't know I was determined for neither of those things to happen. "I need to speak and I need answers, a lot of answers." He continued to look at me, his face remaining impassive and I took that as a sign to continue. "I need to get this off of my chest and you need to let me speak, okay?" It took him a couple of seconds but eventually he nodded once and I carried on. "I need to know everything about the danger I am in." He opened his mouth to speak but I raised an eyebrow, pleading with him and he closed his mouth again. "I need to know who the danger is, why they're a danger to me and exactly how much trouble I'm in." He shifted in his seat a little, his eyes quickly shifting from my own, to his desk and back to me again and his jaw flexed but he remained silent. "I need to know everything that ties your life to mine, including Mike." His eyes narrowed at the the mention of my ex's name but that was the only hint of emotion he showed and as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. "You can't keep me in the dark anymore because it's eating me alive." My eyes began to water against my will and I took a deep shaky breath to steady myself but not before I noticed his hardened features softening a little, a flash of guilt sweeping over his eyes quickly. "And I need to apologise," I sighed finally, looking at his confused glance and the need to explain myself further overcame me. "I know I've been...difficult," I continued, "I've fought you at every turn, defied you. I've been stubborn and flighty and I realise that I have no claim over you, no right to act that way." Again, he attempted to speak but stopped himself this time. "I have a tendency to act before I think and that's stupid, I see that now. But you're no angel, either." I smiled a little as he huffed under his breath but allowed me to continue. "You blow hot and then ice cold and it's confusing. It's not fair and it makes me insecure and question everything. You can't keep pulling me in only to push me away again.I know..." I cleared my throat in a vain attempt to clear my mind and stop my voice from disappearing in to a whisper. "I know I have no claim over you and that's fine." He raised his eyebrows at that. "It is, honestly. I have no claim over you. None whatsoever. And I probably never will." His gaze was unnerving, his expression and demeanour giving nothing away and my resolve faltered a little as my heart sped up. I truly wanted to claim him. "I eh, I just need to know what's going on in my life right now. I need to know the dangers so I can make a plan and I'll get out of here, I'll disappear, I swear." His eyes narrowed at me this time and his body became even more rigid as my heart broke at the possibility of leaving this man behind but I couldn't play these games anymore. I couldn't continue to walk on egg shells, not knowing where I stood.
We held each other's gaze from across the desk, the air around us crackling and my heart thudded in my chest awaiting what was to come.
"Are you finished?" He asked finally after the drawn out silence and I envied his ability to remain so calm and poised whilst I crumbled inside. I nodded my head, sniffling a little, breaking his gaze and looking at my intertwined hands.
"What is it you want from me, Isabella?" My eyes shot to meet his, his question taking me off guard. It wasn't where I expected him to start. That was what I assumed to be the harder questions for him to answer. Maybe he was praying on my weakest spot, it would have been the perfect move.
"What?" Was all I could ask in reply as I scrambled inside to think of a better answer.
"You heard," he sighed, his silky voice sounding bored yet his burning gaze telling me otherwise. His eyes were blazing but he was too calm to be angry.
"I..." I fumbled, not sure what to say. What did I want? I wanted him. All of him. But my self confidence had taken a beaten recently and I couldn't find it within myself to say it straight up. Inwardly, I was determined but I couldn't make my voice comply.
'Boyfriend' felt like such an immature word when faced with the man before me.
"Exclusivity?" He offered, raising an eyebrow and I bristled at his almost mocking tone. I was losing my footing and in typical Edward fashion, he knew exactly how to read me and make me falter. He was much better at this than I could ever be.
Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders. I had nothing to lose here.
"Have you ever been in a relationship, Edward?" I asked, determined not to allow him to turn this around on me and I raised an eyebrow when he didn't answer straight away.
"I'm not the relationship type," he shrugged eventually, unwavering. He was goading me, sizing me up, his mind calculating my every move, every word and he was using that against me. Yes, he was turning the tables on me and if I didn't feel such a heightened state of emotion and apprehension, I would have applauded his ability to pick up on the small details and use them to his advantage.
"Okay," I sighed, taking a chance and calling his bluff despite the loud crack of my heart. "Well, since you cleared that up rather quickly and dismissively, let's move on and talk about what we can do to get me out of your hair."
I watched as his eyes shifted a lightning speed. His posture remained strong and intimidating, unwavering but I noticed his moment of weakness and it spurred me on. It seemed I could read him better than he gave me credit for.
"So, can I leave the State and live a normal life?" I pushed. "Can I run far away and hope for the best?"
He was deathly silent as he regarded me.
"No," he finally answered, his voice cold but his stare burning.
"Why not?" I continued to prod. My heart was breaking and pounding at the same time but this was my opportunity to get all the answers I sought and possibly move on with my life. I needed this -whether it was a harsh lesson in heartbreak or a freeing step in the right direction, was yet to be determined. I could cry and break later but at that moment, I had to play his own game.
"Because they want you."
"Who, Edward? Who wants me?" I pried, determination taking over. I needed answers, I needed clarity.
"Laurent," he shrugged, sitting forward a little in his chair and resting his elbows on his desk. "I've told you this."
"And Laurent is a...rival? I enquired and he raised an eyebrow. He didn't think I truly wanted to know. He was challenging me.
"You could say that," he nodded, humouring me with the answers I was seeking.
"Stop being so vague, please," I pleaded, growing tired of the back and forth. "This is my life you're casually dismissing and almost mocking."
"I'm not dismissing or mocking your life, Isabella. Don't ever presume as such." His tone was threatening again, his voice harsher and defensive. He almost looked hurt.
"Then tell me!" I almost shouted, rapidly growing more and more exasperated. "You're making this more difficult than it has to be." Met with silence and a steely glare, I continued. "I'm trying to figure out how to free you from me. You don't want me so help me leave! I'm trying to help you." I was exhausted and hurting, my own words cut through me like knives at the realisation that he didn't want me. It hit me like a freight train and I willed the tears to stay away. This was the only way with Edward.
"They'll find you. They'll hurt you." His voice was softer, quieter this time and I inwardly cursed myself for pitying the battle waging so clearly within him.
"Laurent?" I asked and he nodded silently, his head bowed almost defeatedly. "Why?"
He looked at me again, he was measuring my resolve and trying to figure me out. I stayed silent, waiting him out and eventually he sighed, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
"Because of me," he clarified. I remained silent, hoping he'd continue and breathing a timid sigh of relief when he did so. "I put you in this situation."
I scrunched my face in confusion, not understanding.
"One eye witness account to the death of man that didn't even trigger an investigation, isn't putting me in this situation, Edward." I couldn't understand why he assumed this was his fault. He didn't know I'd be on that rooftop. I was an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire.
He barked a laugh and it was a cruel sound, I flinched.
"This isn't about the rooftop, Isabella. That was taken care of."
"Taken care of?" I asked hoping for clarification, willing him to keep going.
"Yes," he answered, finally letting go of his hair and sitting upright again. "They know who you are, Isabella," he sighed.
"Laurent knows? I know. This information isn't exactly new... He wants me because of what happened on the rooftop that day, it's no surprise he found out who I am." I was voicing my thoughts aloud, almost rambling but I was trying to figure it out and work through it. He was giving me the information I wanted, albeit begrudgingly and he was making it difficult but he was answering my questions and I had to keep the momentum.
"I'm not just talking about the shit from the rooftop," he growled, his frustration evident. He didn't want to tell me whatever I was grasping at, that much was clear.
"I don't understand," I feebly countered. What more was there?
"They know who you are. They know who your father is, who your fucking fiancé is..." He was getting more and more wound up by the second and I inwardly scolded myself for finding it so sexy.
"He's not my fiancé anymore," I weakly huffed and Edward rolled his eyes in response.
"It doesn't matter." His voice was cold and lifeless and he spoke through gritted teeth. "They will hurt you."
I opened my mouth to ask him to clarify but a shiver worked its way down my spine, a cold chill seeping in to my bones. My tie to the police was important to them.
"My dad," I stated, swallowing hard.
"And Newton," Edward nodded. "Both of them will do what it takes to keep you safe. If your safety is threatened, Laurent will have both men at his disposal. Police reports, important evidence, past convictions, endless information at his fingertips to manipulate and... dispose of."
My eyes widened. "They think I'm the key to the Chicago P.D database?" I asked, scoffing.
Edward nodded in reply.
"That's not how that works," I growled, shaking my head. "My dad may have access to some things and Mike, others, but they can't just erase shit. They can't manipulate anything-"
"It doesn't matter what they can and can't do. It's what Laurent believes and he'll try fucking anything. They're low and desperate and you're a chance they can't pass up. That and..." he drifted off, cutting himself short, a flash of worry taking over his features.
"And what?" I challenged slowly, tilting my head and waiting for him to continue.
He released a long slow breath out of his nose before he spoke again.
"They think you're important to me." Edward almost whispered, his eyes focusing intently on his hands.
"But I'm not so..." I sighed, jumping in my chair at the ferocity of which he snapped his head back up to meet my gaze.
"Fucking hell," he seethed, standing abruptly and his chair crashed to the floor. "It doesn't matter," he continued. "You tie me, your dad and Mike fucking Newton together." I watched on as he started to pace, his hands gripping his hair again and I wanted to reach up to stop him from pulling it out. "You don't get it," he laughed bitterly, turning to face me. "You're a little puzzle piece that could help them win the whole fucking game..." He continued to pace back and forth, scrunching his face, rage emitting in waves across the room and I couldn't understand why he was so angry.
"What aren't you telling me, Edward? Why do they think I'm so important?" I couldn't help but feel as though something wasn't quite fitting in place. Being tied to two police officers wasn't enough of a reason for Edward to keep me under lock and key. Being the witness to a crime may well have held stead originally but not now. One eye witness wasn't enough to drive a man hunt, surely. There had to be another threat, another reason as to why I was still here. Sure, my dad was high ranking in the police but Laurent couldn't have been stupid enough to believe that would get him far enough in to a database to manipulate records and evidence, or whatever it was he wanted access to.
"I challenged him." Edward eventually broke the silence that had stretched out between us as both our minds reeled. He looked truly pained for the first time, it was evident that he was struggling to tell me this, that he didn't want to.
"I don't understand." My voice wavered and betrayed me as fear overtook my senses.
"You need to understand..." my eyes snapped to his and my eyebrows knitted together at his pleading tone. "You need to listen, to it all. From the beginning."
I took a deep breath as the dread seeped in and I nodded my head slowly, not trusting my voice in that moment.
I watched as he continued to pace the length of the room but his shoulders had sagged, his eyes were closed and he appeared flustered for the first time since I had known him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as though he was struggling to find the words.
"Spit it out," I growled, my teeth clenched and my breathing shallow. He was either blowing the whole situation out of proportion or I was about to be proverbially kicked in the gut, I could feel it.
"When you first came here," he eventually spoke, coming to a stop at the opposite side of the room and meeting my gaze, "I needed to find out what threat you posed to me. I needed to keep you close and away from Laurent and his...amateur glorified fucking street gang." I nodded as he took a breath before continuing. "I needed to find out everything about you in order to..." he stopped himself from continuing yet again and huffed towards the ceiling.
Witnessing Edward struggle verbally wasn't something I ever thought I'd see. The usual deadly collected man was fighting to find the correct words or fighting a way to deliver the blow that was coming, I couldn't decide. "It's true that originally you were nothing more than a witness I needed to keep from Laurent, but then I found out you were tied to both Charlie Swan and Mike Newton." I nodded to show that I was following along but I was no longer looking at him, I couldn't tear my eyes from the spot on the floor in front of the large fireplace that graced the wall Edward was standing close to. "I saw an opportunity." My face twisted in confusion but I didn't speak, allowing him to continue and listening like he had asked me to. "I orchestrated a plan. To draw him in." I heard him exhale through his nose. "I challenged him. Taunted him... with you."
At that revelation, my head snapped upwards, meeting his gaze with my own wide eyes. I couldn't speak, I was frozen in place as my mind sped back to my time here at the beginning. He had asked me about my family in this very room, referred to me as a pawn in this very room. Pieces began to click in to place but the details were scrambled.
"In the beginning, he was interested in you and wanted to begin proceedings to get me to court. The lawyer who died that day, his wife wanted to start an investigation but the only chance of that happening was if there was any form of proof that it wasn't suicide. For that, they needed you and your account of what really happened on that rooftop."
His explanation was met with nothing but silence, so he continued.
"It was only when I started to dig deeper in to who you were that I found out about your connection to two police officers. You became more valuable at that point."
"You thought you could use me against my dad and Mike instead of Laurent." My statement was nothing more than a whisper as I processed his words.
"If only I was that innocent," he sighed and swallowed hard looking at me. His eyes looked almost pleading and his face appeared paler than it did before. "Bella, I..."
I barked a laugh at his use of my nickname although there was no humour in my tone. "Oh, it's 'Bella' now, is it?" He had the audacity to look scolded but I couldn't find it within myself to bypass the feeling of dread settling in my stomach. "What did you do, Edward?" I growled.
"I told him to come and get you. I baited him." I watched as the mask he wore worked it's way back on to his features and the coldness descended upon him once more. He knew this was bad and the only way he could deliver it was through brutal hard honesty.
I let his words linger and settle in the air around us.
"I was the one who told him who you were and about your connections to the police. I was the one who endangered your life further. I played that shit up, I manipulated your importance."
A broken sob escaped my lips against my will as the reality crashed down around me. Laurent wanted me for my connections to my dad and Mike because Edward had told him as much.
"Why?" I choked, feeling the tears as they escaped and cascaded down my face.
He took a steady step towards me before thinking better of it and stopping where he was.
"Because the lawyer's wife died. The investigation was no longer a threat but I..." He swallowed hard again but didn't move. "I needed to draw Laurent in, I needed to keep him coming at me so I could get rid of them all one by one."
"You killed her." I stated. Somewhere within the onslaught of information being fired at me, that little nugget of information was clear. He eradicated her because she was a threat.
"No. Not technically," he whispered and I scoffed knowing exactly what he meant. He doesn't like to get his hands dirty.
"You made the call."
"Yes," he confirmed, his voice cold and I nodded. It was the only thing I could do. But it was making more sense the more I thought about it.
"And then you realised that your one chance to keep Laurent's attention on you was gone. He wouldn't need me anymore."
My tears had ebbed and a numbness had taken over. I welcomed it.
"Yes," Edward confirmed quietly yet again.
"So you found out about my dad and Mike and decided to use that angle instead." It wasn't a question, I knew exactly what he had done.
"Yes."
"But why would he care enough to continue the hunt for me?"
"We're a prideful bunch, Isabella." His voice was low, just above a whisper. "He was angry that I took out his one shot against me. I won, again, but I had something he would find extremely useful."
"You had a hostage with a family of police officers."
He nodded but didn't speak. His eyes wouldn't meet mine.
"You made it a game. You made me a game."
He nodded silently again, a deep frown taking over his features.
"You could have let me go once the lawyer's wife was out of the picture."
Again, he nodded but still refused to meet my gaze.
"Instead you taunted him. Challenged him with me."
"Yes," he whispered.
"Because doing so would ensure that he kept coming at you. I was bait."
"Yes."
"Pride, anger and competitiveness." He remained silent as I processed all the information. "You could continue to take them out as long as you kept them coming at you. Minimal effort, maximum impact."
It's a funny thing, trauma. Whether mental or physical, your body processes information and it slows down everything around you. Adrenaline stops the pain in the moment and it clears your head for a while, serene clarity, a brief reprieve from the agony of the truth of the situation threatening to suffocate you.
"That's why you invited to me to dinner that evening."
"Yes."
"You wanted to get information out of me, information you could use to draw Laurent in."
"Yes."
"It's why you allowed me to attend the party you held in the garden."
"It's the reason I held the party."
And again, the tears started. Clearly adrenaline wasn't enough to stop all of the pain. He had been parading me, taunting Laurent by throwing a party knowing I would have been seen.
"Was Laurent at the party?" I asked and he scoffed in reply.
"No. I'd kill him before he even stepped foot on my property. Even he's not that stupid."
"Then why?"
"Because people would see you, his people were looking for you. Word would travel fast and he'd be blinded by anger that I was so blasé with you and the possibility that I had an important ally at my disposal. He'd step his game up thinking that I didn't care enough to keep you locked away. That he wasn't enough of a threat for me to feel challenged by him. He'd want to prove a point. "
"And you thought you'd fuck me as an added bonus?" I finally addressed the elephant in the room. "Did you taunt Laurent with that too?"
I heard his sharp intake of breath right before he appeared in front of me and crouched down to meet my eye.
"Fuck, no, Bella." He grabbed his hair again, cursing under his breath as he scrubbed and tugged at his scalp. "That's when it all changed for me." He took a deep breath and steadied himself by bracing his hands on the arms of my chair. "I saw you that night and I wanted you. I'll admit, I thought nothing of it at the time but I was drawn to you and I fought it as hard as I could but... I thought," he whispered, sighing and then carried on, "I thought if I allowed myself to take you that I'd get over it, be done with it and carry on but I couldn't!"
I sniffed and wiped at my face with back of my hands.
"I became protective of you," he spoke softly. "I didn't want Laurent to get to you. It stopped being a game for me that night and started to be about keeping you alive. Keeping you in my life... I was no longer set on using you to draw him in and became set on keeping him away."
My vision was blurred as I tried to process everything. It made sense.
I was originally brought to this house for insurance, to make sure Laurent didn't get to me in order to start court proceedings against Edward, until he could sort the mess his men had created that day. So he made the call to take out the one person who could kickstart an investigation -the lawyer's wife. That could have been the end of it, he could have allowed me to leave the State and disappear. But he quickly realised that Laurent's draw would ebb, that with me he had something that would ensure Laurent kept coming and he'd have a means to wait him out and take them all down. An easy game of cat and mouse for Edward. So he told Laurent about my ties to the police, made me a sought after commodity and to sweeten the deal, made it a game, a challenge he couldn't turn down. Edward had effectively told Laurent to come and get me. He had paraded me to taunted him further. It was all a lie. Edward had never been interested in me, he had used his looks and status to draw me in.
He used me.
Slowly, numbly, I stood from my seat but kept my gaze on Edward as he remained crouched down mere inches away.
"I need to leave," I whispered in to the space above his head, not trusting my voice in that moment but I didn't fail to notice his head shaking desperately.
"You can't," he pleaded and not for the first time, his guard was down, but this time it was completely shattered. "Bella, please believe me," he begged, his worried eyes imploring me to listen and trust what he was saying. But I couldn't, it was too painful to accept and I needed space to come to terms with the information I had been given. I wasn't running, I wasn't fighting -I had no fight left. I felt empty, I needed to get out, I needed to get away from him.
"I'll give you the keys to my penthouse, you can stay there..." I looked down at him, shaking my head slowly. "Please, Bella, I can't... I can't let you go. You can't hand yourself to him."
"You handed me to him," I corrected, my eyes narrowing. "I did nothing!" I sobbed loudly, my voice returning, driven by the pain and agony slashing through my body. "I did nothing to you!"
"I know," he whispered, looking at the floor and screwing his eyes closed.
"I don't want to die," I cried silently, the magnitude of the situation Edward had purposely created taking me by surprise and breaking my heart further, tearing me apart from the inside. I was too young to die, too free to spend my life running, too fragile to fight this battle on my own. There was no way for me to win this and come out on top. Either way, I lost. If I stayed and allowed Edward to protect me, I'd suffocate in resentment and pain. But if I left Edward behind, I'd be in danger and Laurent would kill me to prove a point, in retaliation to Edward's challenge. Neither options involved truly living. The latter involved death but the former involved surviving over thriving and I wasn't nearly weak enough to choose the first option, not unless he took care of Laurent and regardless of my will to live.
"I'm going to go stay with my dad," I stated, my voice hollow and void of emotion but unwavering. He tried to speak but I raised my hand, palm towards him to stop him. "I'm going to pack a bag, borrow a car and here's what you're going to do..."
His eyes met mine as I looked down on him but he didn't fight me, he stayed silent and continued to listen.
"You're going to find Laurent before he finds me. If you feel anything for me," my voice cracked as I grasped at the only chance I had of living a relatively normal life, "you'll fix this mess the only way you can."
I watched as he nodded and stood slowly, his tall lean frame towering over me.
"I'll fix this," he whispered, his hands twitching by his side. "I promise you I'll fix this and I'll keep you safe."
"And my dad," I added, waiting before he nodded in confirmation."Good." My eyes stayed trained on his fists as he clenched and unclenched his hands. "You owe me that much."
"I do," he agreed silently, taking a tentative step closer to me but his close proximity was too much and I took a step back shaking my head. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I swear on my life I'll end all of this, for you."
I nodded, trying my damn desk to believe and trust his words before taking a deep breath and heading for the door on shaky legs. The soft call of my name from across the room broke me from my trance and I looked over my shoulder back to Edward.
"Take any of the cars, please. But you need to know," he took a deep breath, his right hand settling in his hair as he looked straight at me, his brows furrowing and his expression pained. "I will continue to protect you, wherever you go. I will do everything and anything to keep you safe, you need to believe that."
I nodded, closing my eyes briefly against the pain and anguish tearing me in half.
"And you'll need this." I squinted at what he held in his outstretched hand and made my way feebly back towards him. It was a credit card. "Promise me you'll use it?" He asked, tugging on his hair with his free hand and urging me to take the plastic being held out to me. "For gas, for food, for a plane ticket out of this damn country if you need it. Just..." he sighed, "take it and use it for anything and if you need help, if something happens..." he scrunched his face in pain. "If you feel like you're in danger, call me. Please, Bella, promise me you'll call me if something happens, if something goes wrong and my men can't protect you, or if someone gets to you?" He rummaged within his desk drawer when I took the credit card and handed me an iPhone.
"Okay," I muttered, pocketing both items. My instinct was to thank him but I swallowed my manners before taking one last look at the man before me, the man who could enrage me, enthral me, who could set my body and mind alight with one look; the man who I had fallen for, the man who excited me, terrified me and in turn, broke me.
A silent tear descended my face as I tore my eyes from him, reaching for the door handle and leaving the office.
I don't know how long I stood there for, numb, broken and terrified but a loud crash from within the office broke me from my daze and I fought my instinct to run to him, to tell him that it was okay and to bring a halt to the damage that was obviously tearing the room apart behind the closed door.
Taking a deep snuffling breath, I propelled myself forward.
I had to leave and trust Edward to keep me safe, to finish this mess he had started.
A/N - Ahh, don't kill me!
To cushion the blow, the next update will all be from the perspective of our dear, Edward.
As always, show me some love and let me know what you're thinking, what your predictions are, who you want to punch etc... let me have it. I'm ready... kinda.
