The longest chapter yet, so sorry for the delay. Enjoy!
Eleanor could see the building from several yards away, walking into the early morning. There weren't many people up this early, primarily blue collar workers getting ready to start the day. There was beginning to be a culmination of trash bags on the street, but the smell at least for now was mild enough. Nelly kept her head down, hat pulled over her ears to fight against the chill. She was wearing a wool jacket and a beanie trying to blend in with everyone else.
It was a strange sensation walking this area without Jay, but considering she was only without him because she was meeting him Nelly would just have to make due. The excitement was beginning to buzz through her as each step brough the building further in sight. Jason had a habit of surprising her. Eleanor had a feeling deep in her gut that this was going to be one of those moments. She looked at the unobtrusive building, noting the way that it blended into the ratty structures around it. If Nell wasn't looking for the building number, she probably wouldn't have really seen it at all in the first place.
The back door still had a light bulb, but the door pulled right open unlocked. Inside the stairway was lit, but not by the overhead lights that must have been shut off. Wrapped around the railing of the stairway were green glow sticks. There had to be hundreds of them lining in endless twisting strands. She could picture him sneaking off here while she slept slowly filling the space.
Not only was it a statement piece, it was the biggest hint of self expression from Jason she had ever seen. There written on the wall in glow in the dark paint were song lyrics. "Walk right up the path into the black." With every passing stair landing there was another quote. "The city below, shines up so bright."
"This place I like the best."
"I used to think that the hills were full of rich little girls and their cheap games."
The top of the stairs make her grin, a neon heart with their initials written in it. When she opened the door, the roof was perfectly cleaned, and dotted with candles. Jason stood there an awkward smile on his face, dressed in his best. He mimicked the first time they'd ever seen each other. He wore red worn down jeans, black boots, a Poison Idea t-shirt and his leather jacket. There was a boombox to his left, faintly playing classical music.
The sound came as a stark difference than the Poison Idea lyrics she'd been reading on her way up. Jay's voice was sturdy despite the way his palms were sweating. "Happy birthday, doll face." Behind his back he pulled a single red rose. Holding it out to her as she giggled.
"Who would have guessed, you a romantic." She teased coming to take it from him. Nelly gently set it down on the radio smiling up at him. Next he held out his hand, he'd rehearsed all of this a thousand times in his head.
This time his voice wasn't as steady, the confidence leaving him to be replaced by boyish charm. "Will you dance with me?" He prayed the hand he had outstretched wasn't shaking. Though he could barely hold back the sigh of relief when she took it, sliding herself automatically into the proper position. Jason had to think hard to remember which of his feet to move first.
It was an abnormally slow waltz as she smiled leading him through the steps. He tripped up a couple of times, but managed to stumble through it okay, with a fierce look of determination all the way. When the tune came to a close he sat down on the picnic blanket she'd not seen before. There was a couple of juice boxes and a pack of cigarettes sitting there next to him. Jason patted the cloth next to him with a grin. "Fantastic digs I know."
Laughing she sat down next to him cross legged reaching over to grab one of the juice boxes, his hand shot out latching onto her wrist before she could grab it. His eyes burned with fire as she looked at him, his palm was slick against her skin. "Nelly, I love you." It was a sound statement, not coming out to slow or too fast as he said it. His voice shook just enough, that she knew he meant it and the Wayne felt herself grow warm.
Her other hand came up to tossel his hair. "I love you too. Now give me my birthday fruit punch." Despite her casual reply, her cheeks were ruby red. Hearing it back made Jason smile so wide his cheeks hurt, things were finally looking up. He felt like there was a purpose left in his life. Jason let her have the juice instead pulling a cigarette from the pack and placing it between his lips.
Before he'd had time to dig into his pocket she'd already lit it for him, as he gave a mumble of thanks. It had been a long time since she'd asked, but the question came out again years later. "What is smoking like?" Same as he had before Jason let out a small chuckle.
Though instead of shooing her down the way he had the first time, afraid Bruce was going to fly out of the sky and kick his ass Jason leaned forward and kissed her with a mouth full of smoke. Laughing when she made an exaggerated face of horror at the burnt taste. "That is disgusting." She'd tasted it before when kissing him, but nowhere near as potent as this time.
He'd been right, there was no smoking for the flavor. Jason's smile slowly faded back down to a sense of soft calm as he watched her face fall. "How are you feeling?"
She knew what he was asking about, they hadn't yet had a chance to discuss her opinions of the topic. Nelly didn't want to talk about her mother, didn't even want to give her a passing thought. Yet regardless of her wishes the girl couldn't get it off of her mind. Shifting so she could lay her head in his lap, Eleanor felt the way his fingers automatically began to run through her hair, while still maintaining the cigarette in his other hand. Honestly, he was probably upset about the whole thing too.
Jay's mother was gone, left without a trace. Left uncaringly to the streets of Gotham, she decided if there was anyone to tell the truth it would be Jason. Same as if there would be anyone to understand it would be him too. "I'm angry." She whispered at at him, watching the way his lips pursed together at the statement, a deep frown marring his features. "I'm so fucking pissed and I don't think anyone else would get that but you."
He understood the anger, even the need to be angry about the whole thing. "It'll simmer down soon." His voice was casual, but he really meant to try and persuade her it was the truth. Jason was an asshole, but if there was anyone that brought out his kindness it was Nelly. "I'm sorry your father decided to ruin your birthday."
She rolled her eyes at that, "Nah, you saved the day. My hero." Eleanor reached out fingers entwined with his shirt to bring him down for a kiss. It was a long embrace, as he leaned over her eager for another touch from her. Jason shifted moving to lay next to her, half on his side, pressed up close. The blanket didn't supply much comfort between them and the concrete roof, but it seemed an afterthought.
Jason was more daring then he had been before, taking chances in ways he would have otherwise been slapped for. All he wanted to do was ease Eleanor's thoughts, to try and bring some semblance of peace to her. It was easier than he thought, shaking above her, sweat coating his brow. The far off look into her face or the sounds she made. Frankly he was proud of himself when they'd finished lying next to each other in the glowing sun.
It seemed an odd place, to lose one's virginity, but it also seemed like the perfect kind of place for the two of them. It cemented their relationship in a way that officials and feelings hadn't. He could feel that curling roll of possessiveness as she snuggled into his chest. His shirt was too long for her hands, falling curled up below her fingertips. The air was warm, the city was for the most part quiet.
Robin knew it was time to go back, to let her sleep on something better than the solid ground, but selfishly he pushed the minutes waiting until it was necessity. He reached over neck craning to kiss her nose. "Rise and shine doll face." She was slow to shift from her dreaming sleep, blinking up at him as she adjusted to the bright morning sun.
"How long have I been asleep for?" Eleanor asked moving into a sitting position as she kept rubbing her eyes, he always thought she was cute waking up. Unlike him, Nelly was a morning person, Jason preferred if everyone dropped off the face of the planet than talk to him in the morning.
He shrugged rolling his own stiff muscles, perhaps sleeping on the concrete wasn't his most thoughtful idea. "About an hour. I figured you could use the time to relax, instead of over thinking." Taking a moment to run through the early morning Jason felt himself blush, which was followed quickly by her own as if they were on the same train of thought. It hadn't be a mistake by any means, but it certainly did change the dynamic.
Jason hadn't thought they could get any closer than they were before, now it seemed he wanted nothing but to be close to her in more than one way. It was something he'd definitely have to try and fit into their secret life together. These weren't the kind of days that could happen often, as they both knew her father was anything but stupid, but it was fantastic when days like this were possible. He couldn't help thinking of the future, of being able to be with her freely without all the hushed whispers.
The gutter rat just hoped that day would come, he was after all in love with the White Dove of Gotham, and god knows what the people would have to say about their relationship if they ever found out. Maybe things would be different once he became the Arkham Knight, going off on his own with his own schedule in mind. No one said crime fighting had to be any every day job, she flicked his nose as Jason was busy contemplating taking Wednesdays off.
Even a rotating schedule of one night a week dedicated to spending time with Nelly, and doing more of what they'd just discovered. Covering up his own arousal at the thought with a strong cough, Jason reached out and took her hand entwining their fingers together as he smiled. It was a peaceful smile, without much of the same worry it usually held. There was nothing more relaxing than the thought of not being Robin anymore.
When he'd 'signed' up he'd been desperate for anything better than the life he had before. Though to be honest with himself, he hated it. At first there'd been excitement, a desire to rise up and prove he was more than what he came from, but it didn't take long for that drive to be replaced with a tired dread. His desire to impress Eleanor had run him for a little while, and the the desire to improve so he could protect her.
It wasn't Gotham calling him, it wasn't Batman's words of wisdom, it was a young sixteen year old brunette whose main goal in life was dancing. She made him everything that he was, Jason had always been selfish. It had been easy to not care, to steal and hit a little too hard, because what the fuck did any of those other people matter to him. Nelly had taught him compassion where before there was very little to spare, and she'd done it with such a seamless naivety that he couldn't help but love her for it.
They walked back to the train station hand in hand, she walked comfortable with his jacket, after he caught her shivering when the sun fell. She smiled as he draped it around her shoulders. Jay's blood always seemed to run hotter than most so she didn't insist that he keep it. Instead she curled her free hand inside as they walked looking at him with joy. Jason looked more carefree than she'd ever seen him.
It was something Eleanor couldn't help but hope to see more often, it was as if something had come into focus for him. She didn't want to be cocky and assume it was her, but a part believed that it was. She'd never really seen him happy unless she was in the picture. The words came casually from her lips drifting through the streets, "I love you."
He jerked his head toward her, slightly tripping on a cracked piece of pavement. The smile coming to his face so full of elation it made her smile too. He realized, looking at her and the soft halo of her face that Jason had everything in the world to lose. "I love you too."
They didn't run into any kind of problems on the way back, his arm thrown comfortably around her shoulder. That didn't stop Jason from overthinking and jumping at every noise. Hand wrapped around his knife in his kean pocket so tight he felt like he might cut himself. By the time Jason slipped into his room was about the same time Bruce came to get him. Then Jason was away again, off into Gotham back to a situation Eleanor knew for fact he didn't want to be in.
A worry ate at her gut, her feet subconsciously taking her down into the cave, it only took a few minutes for a cup of her calming tea to make it to the table before her. This was so much all at once. Talia, the frustration with her father, the increased relationship with Jason. Nelly couldn't help being entirely overwhelmed as more and more knowledge was jammed into her head.
Alfred as always seemed to have a sixth sense for this, suddenly needing to dust the batcave, as it it were not spottless to begin with. Then after Nelly spent a good thirty minutes staring at the metal table a checkerboard was pushed into her path. The butler sliding into the other chair with a comfortable ease, before starting on setting up the pieces. Eleanor smiled at the image taking a sip of the tea he'd brought with him.
"You know Al, I think you're the only mom I'll ever need." At this he just chuckled, the soft laugh she heard so little. They played in relative silence for a long while. The sound of quick footsteps causing both of them to lift their heads toward the doorway. Dick rushed down the steps to her office, a sadness in his eyes she didn't want to understand. He rushed toward her, arms instantly coming to wrap around her like a lifeline.
Eleanor struggled out of his embrace, trying to pull away. "Don't. Nelly, please don't go out there." She pulled back harder hating the fact that he wasn't telling her anything.
Alfred's voice cut through the haze, "Is Bruce?" He didn't finish his sentence too afraid saying the words out loud would make them truth. When Dick shook his head, hers began to pound, like her brain was slamming itself into her skull, an increase of pressure. Alfred's voice came again this time it was acid, "Master Jason?"
The way Dick stumbled over his words said more than the word she barely heard. Joker. She'd seen Jason, seven hours ago grinning like an idiot on a rooftop. The news ripped her breath away. "Where is he?"
Dick looked for a moment like he wasn't going to answer so Nelly reached out and gripped his arm as hard as she could. The grip surprised him eyes flickering down to her hand but did not try and pull away. "Bruce is bringing him back, but Nell, he's gone."
Alfred stood frozen looking at the two, watching as sweet Eleanor's face crumpled. Then without a word she moved toward the main entrance, so suddenly that Dick missed when trying to grab her. She burst into the main hall, metal echoing as her feet smacked into the flooring. The sound of the Batmobile breaching the waterfall filled her ears.
The vehicle jamming itself into park. Her father exited, and as soon as she saw his face the truth knocked her legs out from under her. Eleanor fell, knees clacking against the floor, vision blurring with tears.
They never got a chance.
The sobs rocked out of her throat, arms wrapping around her waist as she watched the broken image of her father, as lost as she way in his own way. He reached into the back of the vehicle, where prisoners were kept and removed Jason. The way he dangled in her father's grip make Eleanor want to vomit.
This couldn't be happening.
All sound seemed to leave, and Nell knew enough about herself at this point to know she was going into shock. Jason was barely wearing his uniform, the one she had made for him. It hadn't saved him, nothing had saved him. There were so many lesions, blood. Eleanor couldn't help it this time vomiting across the metal plating. Gag after gag scratching her throat.
Everything was wrong.
The filth soaked into her jeans as Dick crouched down beside her, his hand coming out to wipe her face wiping the grim on his own uniform. He was saying something but Nelly couldn't tear her eyes away from the two figures. Watching the way her father stumbled up a step he'd had memorized for years, lying Jason down on a table they usually used as a workshop.
She'd barely told him she loved him.
Eleanor wanted to look away, wetness running down her cheeks. It was Dick who finally made the decision for her coming to lean in front of her so she couldn't see. He reached out picking her up like a toddler before walking her out of the Batcave.
Dick walked her to his room, past hers and Jason's. Her eyes locked to the door as they passed. He entered into the room and set her on the armchair before disappearing. He returned after a moment from his closet holding out a pair of too big sweatpants. He probably said something like you should change, but she didn't hear him.
Then all at once the sound came back again, like the roaring of a hurricane above her. Eleanor groaned before standing pulling the pants off and taking the sweats from Dick. He leaned down picking up the fabric before tossing it in the hallway. He seemed for once at a loss for words.
Bruce really had chosen a horrible time to tell her about her mother, and god yesterday was her birthday. It shattered Dick to see her look so small usually so refined and stubborn. Now she looked like a shell of everything she was, and honestly if Jason's death did this to her he worried about any other tragedies. After all, she barely knew Jason.
Seeing the growing discomfort on Dick's face, and knowing he hated not knowing what to do she brought herself to speak. "You don't have to say anything." The words barely sounded like her own. "There's nothing to say."
Nodding he just sat down cross-legged in front of her and waited. Eleanor didn't know when she had fallen asleep, but she woke up tucked into Dick's bed with her stuffed animal set next to her and a bottle of water. There was also a dress hanging off the bathroom door, black and long. It was simple, she immediately hated it.
If Eleanor could feel pain, she was sure she'd be on fire. Standing she walked slowly from the room over to her own, entering into the closet. It seemed her father wanted everything done quickly, which she understood she didn't want to think about it either. Nor would the plain dress that Dick had laid out for Eleanor even come close to being good enough.
Jason had taught her so much, and she knew that the world would never be the same. There would never be another self defense lessons, no more long breathless kisses. Nelly would never get over losing Jay; she was so glad yesterday had happened, because at least there was that burned in her memory.
The young woman dressed in silence pulling on the floor length gown, she'd made herself a long while ago, during one of her exercises with Doctor Crane. He had told her if she was afraid of death to find ways to accept it. The therapist had suggested making funeral attire for each person she was afraid to lose. She had four dresses in the closet ready, but she never thought she'd need them so soon.
This one trailed behind her around a foot, made out of thick silk (imported directly for this project); she'd done the stitching with gold dipped thread. It hugged the top of her with a turtleneck and long sleeves that ended in a triangle shape. The bottom loosened at the waist but not by much. It was simple, but it was important.
She wore her emerald necklace with it, and went into her bathroom to pull her hair into a severe bun, not a hair out of place. Nelly tried to keep another breakdown in check as she went through her daily routine: brush teeth, wash face, clean under fingernails, try not to cry again. After about ten minutes she went back out into the hall stopping to stand in front of Jason's door.
Before she could do something she could regret Alfred's voice came down the corridor. "Eleanor." He'd dropped the Miss for the day it seemed, and honestly if anyone had known about her and Jason it would have been Al. From the way his age seemed to show, she figured so. Going toward him she reached out and took Al's hand.
They shared a look before she was trying not to cry for what felt like the hundredth time. Nelly wrapped her arms around Al the way she hadn't done in years and cried into his shirt. His arms came to curl around her protectively, waiting until she was ready.
It seemed to a point now, in Alfred's opinion, that the Wayne family was cursed. They had all the money in the world, but the ones they loved died around them as if of plague. It seemed such a tragedy that Eleanor face the same type of harrowing her father had, even if it was at a little older of an age.
It was in the way she clung to him, that reminded him so much of Bruce. Yet Bruce even as a child had not often shown his pain. Bruce had fallen in on himself during his mourning, he'd gotten angry lashed out. Eleanor didn't seem angry. Yet she'd never mimicked her father in many ways. Alfred was worried that she would fall in on herself too, but perhaps in a different way. Alfred just prayed this wouldn't push her to try and take up the cape, two in the family was enough. "Shall we go?" He asked softly.
She nodded taking a step back, but kept her hand on his arm. Alfred led her down the stairs slowly noticing the way that she was shaking. Dick waited at the bottom, glancing over her outfit in surprise. She looked almost twice her age in it, regal and duchess like. She changed arms when she hit the floor, giving Alfred a chance to pull the car around to the front.
"Where's father?" She asked glancing at Dick in concern. Eleanor wasn't the only one falling apart.
Dick shook his head in response. "I don't know. He took off after...and he hasn't been back yet." Eleanor didn't really have a response for that, so they just waited at the front of the manor in deafening silence. She didn't take her hand off of Dick's arm and he didn't say anything about it.
It was about then when the dissociation really set in. She began to watch the scene unfold from a ways away. Dick opened the door for her, and she'd paused before sliding onto the leather interior seats. They were taking the black Lincoln, she thought that was fitting.
Rounding the back of the car Nightwing moved next to her close enough their knees touched, but she felt cold anyway. It wasn't a long ride, as they were travelling to the church right outside of Wayne lands, close enough their own private graveyard was attached. Her grandparents were buried there, among many older members of the Wayne family.
As the car spun along the anger was starting to seep in with the pain. It crept in until it was almost everything.
The dark consumed her thoughts all in one fell swoop, she leaned forward trying to bend herself in half. Dick's hand came out to rub her back whispering soft words of comfort she didn't understand. He was being more touchy than usual, but considering the situation she wasn't all that surprised. The anger took her breath away, shaking in the back of the car as they drove pulling up in front of the building. Alfred didn't say anything just seemed to wait patiently for Eleanor to be ready to exit, it seemed they were all focused on her today.
It wasn't until she looked up and saw her father in a black three piece that she reached for the handle. She'd worried he wouldn't come. Climbing out of the back of the car she approached the figure, Nelly knew the man well enough to know generally how he was feeling. Though he stood like the picturesque image of Bruce Wayne the billionaire she could see the agony hidden in his blue steel eyes.
Just like her, Batman would never recover from this. It was a failure too great for anything but a deep self loathing and pain. He expected her to blame him, he expected them all to. That was the main reason she didn't, couldn't blame him for it. She knew better than anyone how reckless Jason could be, how impulsively he could act from time to time.
"Hey dad." She whispered wrapping her arms around him, the same way she had hugged Alfred earlier. It wasn't often she called him anything but father, dad seeming to be saved for situations too close to be anything else. Bruce wrapped his arms around her small frame, tucking her head under his chin as he held her. It occurred to him even more now how important it was to pay attention to his daughter.
She wasn't a plant that needed water once and awhile. Eleanor deserved better, he'd gotten beautiful parents, parents that loved him endlessly. What had he given Nelly in return other than an absent father and a nonexistent mother, her childhood was spent worrying about if he was going to come home. It was a horrible notion, knowing that he'd failed so completely in helping Eleanor, in giving her the childhood he had had.
Jason's death shook the girl in a way that he'd never seen before, yesterday and her reaction to her mother had been surprising enough. He wondered if the reaction was because she knew so few people. She no longer attended group Ballet, nor went to an academy. Really the only people she ever saw were the four men, and now there were three.
Bruce leaned down in her ear whispering low, voice scratchy from misuse, "I'm sorry, Nell."
That was another thing not done often, the name Nell was far less used than his traditional Eleanor. The pain in her father's voice was unmistakable. She didn't say anything, knowing those little words were like mountains, so she just hugged him a little harder before pulling away.
They all entered together into what should have been an empty church. Yet there was a woman inside, tight black catsuit looking out of place in the empty church. Bruce stepped forward, glancing around to make sure there was no one else in attendance, the pastor wasn't even present yet.
The woman stood, turning, with a stoic look on her face. They all recognized her in an instance, taking in the shape of nose and lit of the chin. Eleanor stepped forward, Talia stepped to the side into the walkway. They looked at each other, Talia in a small sense of subtle wonder and Eleanor in a venomous rage that made her muscles start to shake again.
No one said a word, the whole space quiet and waiting for something to happen. Dick moved closer to Eleanor hand slipping inside his suit pocket for one of his staves. He'd had just about enough of seeing Eleanor upset for the rest of his life. His fingers wrapped round the metal allowing Nightwing to take solace in the protection it provided him. Nelly stepped forward staring at her mother. They had a small height difference, but Nell was still growing.
She would come into her own, Dick was sure of it. The start of feminine beauty was already there. Nelly took another step forward, before reaching into her handbag and pulling out the little knife she always carried with her. A Swiss Army knife with its little screwdrivers and innocence.
Eleanor never took her eyes off the woman opening up the small blade with practiced ease. It caught everyone who knew her entirely off guard when after the blade was opened she threw it at Talia. It wasn't a light throw, it soared into the air directly for its target and if the assassin hadn't side stepped it she would have at very least been cut.
It was impulsive and angry and nothing like the calm and collected Eleanor they all understood. Nelly took another step forward holding out a hand to stop the two heroes behind her. Bruce had gone to stone, watching the two with rapt attention. There were seventeen steps between the women, the clack of Wayne's shoes echoed through the church.
Talia didn't react simply waited, unfazed by the attack, the smallest hint of a smile spreading across her face. When Eleanor finally reached her Talia spoke, "So there is a little bit of me in you."
At first Eleanor didn't respond, not wanting to say the only reason she had a backbone was because Jason had nurtured it. That she owed almost everything she was to his kindness, to his love for her. To tell them all now seemed to be giving away the only precious thing she had left. So instead Eleanor didn't say anything to her, only stared long and hard as the seconds ticked on.
Then all at once her voice came out like ice. "You've not been invited. Get the hell out." Even Talia looked taken aback by the amount of rage in her voice. But then the older woman's eyes softened and she nodded. Today her daughter had loved and lost; she knew that pain well. Talia reminded herself of why she was there, and the gift she was trying to give her little girl before walking away.
Once the woman had left, Eleanor's hand came to rest against one of the pews holding on in a death grip until she allowed herself to fall into it. Alfred was already making a list of new therapists in his head. The service that followed was a disservice, but again she didn't say a word. When it came to carrying the coffin, it seemed to come to a silent conclusion on how they would do it.
They each took a corner, and though Dick and her father didn't let Eleanor carry much of the weight it felt like the world was on her shoulders. It wasn't raining or anything else as poetic, it was slightly cloudy with air so stagnate she swore she could smell the trash from the city. It wasn't a long walk to the pre-dug hole.
From there the pastor asked if anyone wanted to say a few words, just like in the movies. At first there was silence before Alfred stepped forward to speak, Bruce watched him out of the corner of his eye. "Master Jason, was quite frankly a mess when he came to us. But I watched him grow, and change slowly into the kind of boy that wanted people to be proud of him. By the end, Master Jason was no longer a Todd but a Wayne. The manor will never feel the same."
It was bold things for Al to say, but if anyone could get away with it it was him. The pastor looked around to see if anyone else would say anything, they didn't. Right before the coffin drop Eleanor reached into her purse and placed a pack of cigarettes on top. "For the road." She whispered breathing in the familiar smell of nicotine.
For once Alfred did not say a word, only pulled a zippo lighter from his pocket and set it with the cardboard pack. Eleanor started crying again when they put her closest friend in the ground, it wasn't the same sobs as before instead soft slow heavy tears that rolled down her face.
Her father was the first one to turn and walk back toward the manor, Dick following close behind after giving Alfred a look. He watched her age before his eyes, looking more like an ancient being than a sixteen year old girl. The crane waited in the distance for them to walk away, knowing well enough not to ask the Wayne family to move.
Eleanor didn't look at the butler, only asked a question so soft he was lucky to hear it. "You know don't you?"
Alfred smiled, in response reaching out to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "About the early morning rendezvouses? Or the way he watched you when you weren't looking? The chaste love blooming between you? Or the way I never saw either of you truly happy unless you were with each other? For awhile, I followed the two of you; I was worried, but I stopped after a few nights. There was nothing that boy wouldn't protect you from. I hope you know that he loved you, because he did. Master Jason didn't believe in much, but he believed in you." Eleanor nodded still staring at the casket.
"He told me he loved me yesterday, for my birthday." She sighed low and deep. "Can I say a few words?"
Alfred nodded his consent, hands moving to cross behind his back. "Jason Todd, was a train wreck and I liked him the moment I met him. He was rough, and he always said what was on his mind. He showed me Gotham, he showed me what it was like to be normal. Jason taught me things I would never have known if I never met him. I am in love with Jason Todd, and I will never forget him."
It felt good to say out loud, she wanted him to hear it. She prayed he would hear those words echoing wherever he was. Kissing the tops of her fingers she touched the wood before beginning to walk away, Alfred following close behind.
She stood at his bedroom door again, now late into the night. Nelly had been standing there for too long, part of her desperate to go inside. The other part wanted to nail boards across the door to preserve it exactly how he left it. Her need for his closeness won out and she slipped inside quickly closing the door behind her. The lights were off making her have to blink quickly to adjust.
Everything was as she remembered it. It had only been a week, the longest in her life. She'd spent most of that time lying in bed, Alfred coming to and from with food. Her father had taken to burying his sorrow in being Batman as he'd always done and Dick had returned to Bloodhaven. Though he'd told her six times to call him is she even remotely needed him.
It was strange how the days went back to the way they had been before, as if Jason had never existed. He'd been there for three years, taking over her life from the very first day. Now all at once like a snuffed out candle it was back to being the four of them again. Nelly hated how easy it was to go back to old habits, like the ache in her chest should have killed her. Though she knew deep down if she let herself never get back up Jason would be tossing and turning in his grave.
At the very least she needed to make him proud. Eyes finally adjusted she took a moment to look around, as if seeing it with new eyes for the first time. His bed was messy, covers tossed to the edge of the bed, pillow crooked. She touched the satin pillowcase leaning down to breath in the scent of him before it disappeared forever. As always his desk was littered with papers, school work left undone.
The tutors had hated him. He was several grades behind in math and english, handwriting slanted and each letter a different size. His leather jacket was hanging on the desk chair, she pulled it reverently off the back and slid it on. It felt familiar, having been draped around her a thousand times before. Eleanor searched the pockets. Shoved and slightly crushed in the right internal pocket was a half smoked pack of cigarettes and a cheap neon green lighter. On the right side was the same newspaper clipping he had given her, just a different copy.
It was carefully 'laminated' with a plastic bag, piece of cardboard and tape. Inside the external pockets was a barely used pack of mint gum to keep Alfred off his trail, a sharpie, and a twenty dollar bill. She placed everything back where she had found it careful not to change anything. Moving she flipped through the piles of clothing taking several shirts, his favorite Poison Idea sweater and a pair of boxers.
Next she glanced under his bed, reaching into the secret alcove in the bed frame she knew he liked to hide things. Her hand came in contact with cold metal, pulling it away in surprise before reaching for it again. The .45 was perfectly cleaned, having recently been gone through, fully loaded. She looked at it for a moment before folding it in one of the shirts and padding back across the hall to her room.
She put his clothes away in her closet, slipped the leather jacket over her own desk chair and placed the gun in her jewelry box under the first compartment of earrings. Happy with everything she went to see if her father was back yet, he hadn't returned in several days now and she needed something to keep her busy. Two days previous she'd tried to track down her mother, but the woman was already long gone.
It had been strange seeing her for the first time, knowing that was the woman who had given birth to her and thrown her away. If she hadn't been so distracted she was sure she would have had more to say. Her father hadn't mentioned anything else, just left that fucking duffel bag on the table in the main room. She still hadn't opened in, though she found herself staring at it again.
Her father's voice surprised her, he was in full cowl, must have just gotten back, probably due to the nasty looking gash across his shoulder. "I've never opened it."
Eleanor rolled her eyes, "Then it's going to stay closed." She walked over to the first aid supply pulling out the metal briefcase and walking back over to him. They had enough supplies to easily stock a small doctor's office for a couple weeks. Popping open the tab she reached for the stitching supplies, going through the process of sterilizing the rounded needle and her hands in silence before threading it.
In the beginning he hadn't wanted her to help with stuff like this, but in the last year or so had been calmer about it. Actually actively letting her look at some of his wounds, once he realized it made her feel better. Besides it would be a hard place for him to reach himself. Nelly had enough knowledge to get a nursing degree, she could be a doctor like his father. Bruce found himself tracing her actions with his eyes, looking for similarities in her and the man he remembered.
She had Thomas's steady hands without a doubt, as she cleaned the wound without any sign of disgust. Maybe it was easier for her, having no idea how it felt to have her skin scrubbed off and disinfected. "Are you okay?" She sounded small when she said it, peaking at him through her hair. This part was always the hardest, the talking.
Bruce nodded, blinking hard when she inserted the needle and began the suturing. Alfred would be happy he wasn't doing it himself again.
Eleanor's next question came out through ground teeth, the anger she'd gotten from him. "Did you find him?" The word Joker hung like a curse between them.
"Yes. I just turned him in to Arkham." He watched the words register across her face. First surprise, followed by betrayal, then that same anger again. He understood, he wanted to kill him too, but nothing would ever change even if he let himself fall. He'd never be her father again if he did that.
To his daughter's credit she finished the stitches before she spoke to him again, but the cool way she spoke told Bruce all he needed to know. If he thought she was mad at him when he'd told her about Talia, then it was nothing close to the ice cold dismissal she held now. As if she didn't even want to look at him, Bruce felt his heart pound at the look, feeling the endless hopelessness of it all.
He placed his head in the palm of one hand not saying anything in response as she spoke. "You should clean that again in a few hours." That was it, that was all she could say then she was walking away and Bruce was once again wondering if he should go after her.
Eleanor walked quickly back toward her bedroom, slamming the door as hard as she could, shaking the frames on the wall. Wanted to scream she buried her head in her pillow feeling like a child all over again. The unfairness tasted like rotten fruit on her tongue, he was still alive. Everything he had taken, and yet the Joker still lived. Feeling ready to choke on her rage Eleanor curled up under the covers to try and ground herself.
It took the Clown Prince of Crime six days to break out of Arkham, and the palpable rage came all over again. Her father was busy going toe to toe with Black Mask in another part of the city, he'd tried to start up a new slave trade side business and her father had to focus of nipping that idea in the bud. She understood why we wasn't focusing on the Joker, but at the same time knew that there was a very easy solution to a very big problem.
It was close to one in the morning when she finally came to a decision. Standing she slipped on her black boots, and Jason's jacket. She quietly crept into the cave going to her little back office and grabbing one of the spare Robin masks before pushing it into her pocket and taking the back door out into the night.
Eleanor took the train, relishing in the feeling of movement into the lower city, she looked down when she heard the crinkle of the plastic from her pocket carefully pulling out one of the cigarettes and looking at it. It seemed as good of a day as any to make a bad decision.
She wasn't sure if Jason would be proud or disappointed with how fast she figured out how to light the stick. It took a second to really figure out how to smoke, it sounds silly but it was hard to convince her brain to let the smoke into her lungs. The coughing fit that followed made her smile.
On one of the many times she'd asked him what it was like to smoke, he'd responded with a clever grin, "Like it's killing you and making you smile at the same time." She missed him so much already. Jason always had something to say, even if he acted like he didn't. His best form of honesty was sarcasm.
She'd learned everything she knew about him primarily through sarcasm riddled statements. Eleanor had long figured out he assumed no one was listening to him to begin with. You can't spill secrets if no one is remembering them. If there was anything that she ever made sure to remember it was the secrets that spilled so freely from his lips.
No one would ever believe that Jason Todd would have been a romantic man, a loving husband even. To them Jason was a delinquent that died young. The fact that Gotham wasn't in mourning, like they would be if she had died made her more intent on trying the cigarette dangling between her fingers.
The second time made her cough just as hard, and she was reminded of the way he'd kissed her on that rooftop. There was no pain there to remind her this could kill her however and by the third time she barely coughed. One bad idea was going to turn into one bad habit. Eleanor went through three more on her ride to the last stop. There wasn't anyone on the platform when she got there, she'd never been in this part of town alone.
Feeling the comfortable metal against her back where she'd put the gun, carefully with the safety on in her jeans waistline, she made her way up the stairs. Gotham was never what one would call quiet, people were always out and about. There were certainly areas with less people, like this station, but as she exited the stairway she was met with lights.
The trash strike was in full effect at this point, the stench invading her nose in a way that made her want to breath through her shirt. Trying her best to walk around the bags littering the city she began her search by neon lights. There were a few people out, a couple girls hanging around, freezing in small skirts and crop tops.
Not wanting to be rude she gave them a smile and they smiled back. "Sweetheart, you shouldn't be out this time of night, you need some dinner money?" A tall blonde asked, turning around to give her a look. Eleanor looked just like another one of them.
"Where's your cutie of a boyfriend?" Another asked, apparently her and Jay were more memorable than she thought. At this question Eleanor froze, staring at the woman for a moment too long.
The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "The Joker killed him." From the look that must have been on Nelly's face and the stark words all three woman made noises of dismay and circled into a group hug. That was something she'd never gotten used to. The kindness of Gotham, where people assumed everyone was a cheating bastard. Nelly saw people like this, kindness in the strangest of places.
They held her for a moment before pulling away. "I'm so sorry."
"He was such a sweet boy, the way he looked at you, most women don't get that."
"How are you doing?" The words of support came flooding in and she smiled, unsure of how to thank them until she remembered the money shoved in her jean pocket.
"Thank you, I'm okay." That was a lie they all knew how to tell. "But I need to find him." She didn't have to specify. The women all got stern, one going as far as to cross her arms.
Her earrings danced as she shook her head. "No you don't."
Eleanor pulled out the grand in hundreds out of her pocket and handed it to them. The brunette took it without complaint. "I'll find him anyway. He'd not hurting anyone else."
The one who took the money gave her a calculating look before seeming to come to an agreement while the other two continued looking concerned. "We got the call to avoid Darren Gate." It was a park about six blocks up, old and worn like everything else in this part of town.
Eleanor nodded, before walking in that direction, the street walkers watching in silent memorial of someone else Gotham would take. Turning into a back alley she stopped for a moment taking a second to lean against the cold stone, trying to keep her breath under control. For the first time she let herself feel it, the fear of being here without him to protect her.
At most Nelly had self defense training, but nothing as rigorous as Robin's own training. Joker was a well known maniac, one that even her father had struggled with in the past. Most of his injuries came from Joker, yet here she was with a pistol and a desire hoping that was enough. It was a terrifying thought, but she chose to center herself taking another slow breath.
Taking one final breath, she pretended she was Jason. Not Jason Todd the wannabe boy wonder, but the street kid who stole Batman's tires. Slipping on the Robin mask when she was sure no one was looking, she let her body calm back down to an even rhythm.
As soon as the mask settled, she pretended completely. Her heartbeat slowed, and then she was ready moving quickly down back alleys toward the park, she held onto that anger. It was the only thing keeping her moving. The park was in view now, and she could see a figure sitting on top on the jungle gym.
The moon was out tonight highlighting everything in view, she wasn't close enough to really see any details, just the faint outline and moonlit shadows. He was kicking his legs, the way some children do at the doctor's office, head tilted back leaning on his arms. Park like this should have at least had one or two kids loitering, but it was just him.
No one wanted anything to do with the clown. She moved forward trying to keep her steps light, she paused again now that she could see clearly. Eleanor could hear him, humming something, singing parts and going back to humming again. Though it seemed mostly gibberish to her. He wore a purple suit, with an orange shirt and brown oxford shoes.
All things considered it was tailored well and in good condition, from shoulders down he looked like a regular eccentrically dressed man. The face ruined that image completely, stark white skin, hair a contrasting razzled green. Even then perhaps that wouldn't have been the worst, a bad sense of style. It was that smile, wide with thick yellowed teeth, spread too wide to be natural. Scars spreading up coated in red paint. The mouth made the rest of his face seem too small, inhuman.
Eleanor considered trying to shoot him from the alley, just out of sight. She went as far as to pull the weapon out, thumbing the safety off before deciding she'd never make the shot. Jason had never gotten that in depth with her training, she'd never asked. She wished she had now.
Creeping out of the shadows she came to the only valid option, a face to face encounter. Nelly's only hope was to catch him off guard enough that she could shoot him. He didn't look armed, but that didn't mean much in Gotham. Besides she was sure he could easily kill her with his white gloved hands.
Focusing once again on being 'Jason' she strolled across the grass. Once he spotted her the humming faded into silence, just the padding of her footsteps.Don't be afraid, you have to commit to a gunshot. Only shoot when you know you have to, because every shot will impact something. Be aware of your surrounding, and always if you're going to shot someone who is trying to hurt you. Shoot to kill, because they will do the same whether or not you are willing to.
There had been a protective anger underlined in his words even in her memory. A fierce desire to maim anyone who even considered laying harm to 'his girl'. It made her smile, even now as she stared down Jason's killer. She had expected him to say something, not look at her with those expectant eyes. Eleanor always thought he'd be a talker, he was with her father.
Then the clown trilled like a bird, not just like any bird, like a robin. She knew the sound well, she'd learned how to make that tune just to tease Jason. Hearing it from the Joker reminded her like a bucket of ice water why she was standing here against Batman's nemesis. He trilled again, this time the smile widening at her stillness.
"This isn't about the worm food is it?" His voice came out high, like breathing in helium from a balloon. "Little birdy just wanted to learn how to fly." He hopped down from the top of the playground landing solidly where any normal person would have stumbled.
Eleanor swallowed and lifted the gun straight at his forehead, no chances. She really meant to pull the trigger immediately to take him off guard, but her palm was coated in sweat and the weight of the gun made a tremor appear, the metal glinting as it shivered in the moonlight. Joker watched it with interest, taking her in as if waiting for an answer.
Then he started laughing, the sound echoing through the park and making her hand shake worse. It was unlike any laugh that she'd ever heard, as if someone had stripped away a part of his vocal cords to make a a foreign pitch that she was sure would have hurt her ears. It was also in the way he smiled at the gun though, like it was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen.
""He gets to feed the worms he used to eat." Joker giggled again holding out his arm as if he we performing comedy.
The tone was rife with connotation, and amusement. She could taste copper in the back of her throat, her hand began to still, grip tightening. There was no remorse, no regret, only fierce happiness and pride. No one would miss him.
Nelly waited watching, finger going to rest on the trigger. This only seemed to spark him on more, he jilted slightly toward her suddenly, causing Eleanor to take a step back. Then he pressed his forehead against the barrel of the gun and smiled again, "I knew you wanted to play. Knew it, knew it, knew it!"
Eleanor let out her own soft laugh, and she watched the way his eyes turned to glitter in interest. She pulled, the gun went off, metal spinning across the pavement. An anger not fully understood burst out of her, as she lunged for the fallen gun. The Joker moving with her, like a shadow both reaching, ignoring the figure standing on the rooftop that had smacked the gun away.
Nell's shoulder made impact with the ground years of ballet being the only thing that saved her from dislocating it. He was laughing again as her fingers impacted the handle, ripping it around to try and point at the clown, firing again into the sky. Dick hit the ground in a somersault that made her want to smack him across the face.
Finally getting the villain in sights she went to shoot him again only to have Nightwing knock the gun out of her hands, catching it in mid air. Joker, having confirmed that his favorite bat wasn't there to save the day was already halfway across the field. She moved to her feet ready to bolt right into hand to hand combat if that was what it took when Dick grabbed her by the collar.
At the first sound of the fabric behind the leather starting to rip she froze. Eleanor turned toward him slowly, locking eyes with the man she'd known basically since birth. "Let go."
To Dick's credit he didn't rise to it instead his hand seemed to tighten and a sadness filled his eyes. "Never." Against her will he pulled her into his chest, "Killing him won't change anything." Dick knew that too well, he wanted to kill his family's murderer, but even when Zucco was killed on the streets it didn't ease any of his pain.
Sure it pushed him to become who he was, bringing Nightwing into existence. That didn't mean he was about to let the girl he'd been watching over his whole life kill someone and regret it for the rest of her life. Then there was the fear under that, if she fell like Harvey Dent or Jonathan Crane that no one would be able to protect Gotham.
Dick wouldn't be able to fight her, hit her. It would destroy Bruce, but he'd seen what this city did to people and he could feel the anger coming off of her in waves. "I'm right here." His voice came down to whisper into her ear. "Nelly it's going to be okay." He really didn't know when it had happened, when she'd stopped being the kid sister. "Come back to me."
She went limp when the Joker disappeared around the corner, Nightwing having to literally catch her before she fell. "He's gone." The young woman whispered, pain palpable in the air. "What do I do now," She went to say Dick's name but faded off instead the name spoken silent between them.
Determined to be a rock he pulled her to her feet. "Why do we fall?" The words instantly pulled a reaction from her, a sob ripping out of her throat as he picked her up, the second part of the phrase coming out a raw whisper as he looked at her. "So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."
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