SLAM!

Sora jumps, his water bottle tumbling out of his hands and to the kitchen floor. He turns, coming face to face with Riku. The older man looks positively murderous.

"Uh, Riku," Sora can't help but ask, "what's, uh, what's up? Did the, um, fridge piss you off?"

"Where is she?" the silver-haired young man demands, well above what Telary would say is appropriate Gummi ship volume. "Where is that selfish, greedy, sociopathic…"

"I assume you're talking about Azlyn?"

Riku literally growls, like a dog confronting an intruder. "Oh, yes I am." Without another word of explanation, he marches out of the kitchen. Every stomp of his feet gives Sora a wince.

"Oh yeah," the Keybearer mutters, picking up his water bottle before following along behind Riku. "I'm the one in a mood."

"And is there any chance we'll be attacked before reaching the next world?" the silver-haired young man is calling up to the cockpit.

"We're pretty close to the reading," Telary replies. "So I don't…"

"Great!" Riku turns on his heel, marching once again. He moves to the opposite ladder, quickly sliding down. "AZLYN!"

Part of Sora wants to just walk away, go hang out with Telary in the cockpit. After all, Azlyn and Riku are always after each other. But something in his gut tells him that this particular confrontation merits observation. Sighing, he walks to the ladder with heavy steps.

He's just touching down as Azlyn pokes her head out of the turret bay. The sight of Riku, arms crossed angrily, merits only a knowing smile from the knight. "Yeeess?" she asks in a playful, singsong voice.

"Why are you like this?" Riku asks through clenched teeth. "Why do you deliberately do everything you can to piss me off?"

"I gotta do something to keep entertained," Azlyn replies, shrugging. "But what, exactly, are you talking about?"

"I know I've made some comments about your intelligence in the past," he says, "but I assumed you could at least read my name."

The knight just keeps giving him a flat look. "Uh, are you okay? Or has your pent up sexual frustration finally driven you nutso?"

"The cookie in the fridge," Riku explains tersely. "It was in a glass container with a sticky note attached to the top. I brought it from the castle, and I was saving it for a special snack. But I just looked in the refrigerator, and it's gone. Care to explain how that happened?"

"No idea, Rik," she answers with a casual shrug. "And I can't say I'm a big fan of you accusing me for no…"

"I saw you go into the kitchen before Sora and I went to the gym. You wanna explain how…"

"Hello everybody," Telary announces over the intercom. "We've arrived at the world, and I've got a pretty solid lock on a big source of darkness. Whenever you're ready, meet at the teleporter."

"Well," Sora says, a bit more loudly than necessary, "I guess we'll just have to put a pin in this, huh? After all, isn't the fate of thousands of innocents on a defenseless world worth more than a little disagreement like this?"

Azlyn and Riku don't say anything in reply, silently staring each other down for a long moment. Sora looks between them, the energy there so hostile he can almost see it as a visible cloud. This can't be good.

KH-KH-KH

"Well, that's two," Sora comments, surveying the new world. They've landed in yet another jungle, this one less humid than the previous. The foliage density is down considerably as well, something almost like a dirt path cutting through.

It's dark, only the barest hints of the coming morning sun in the air. The jungle teems with the expected sounds, the low hum of numerous bugs occasionally accompanied by a sharp tweet from some bird or another. If there are any predators about, they aren't making a sound.

"Hopefully no monkeys this time," Telary comments with a grimace.

"Monkeys?" Riku can't help but ask, one eyebrow raised.

"Long story."

"Not that you'd believe it anyway," Azlyn mutters, just loud enough to be heard.

"So," Sora says, loud enough to keep Riku from making a comment in return, "how about that darkness, Tel?"

There's no need for the wizard to answer, as a several screams and panicked yells come from further back in the jungle. One cry rises above them all, so loud and shrill the Keybearer and his friends wince. They start running, weapons appearing in their hands.

After a few seconds, the group reaches a large clearing. A group of people are huddled together in the middle, surrounded on all sides by a swarm of Heartless. A group of large men, their bodies oddly painted half purple and half-red, use spears and swords to try and fend off the horde. From somewhere inside the circle, the shrill scream rises up once again. The only difference now is that it contains discernible words.

"NO TOUCHEE!"

Sora's first slice goes through three Soldiers, and a downward swing as he lands takes care of another. Azlyn is beside him a heartbeat later, throwing her shield up to knock down two Powerwilds jumping from the trees above. Riku grabs a nearby vine, pulling himself up into the trees and taking on the monkey-like Heartless still scurrying within the canopy.

The battle isn't quite so simple for Telary. With all of the civilians clustered in so tightly, flinging magic around seems incredibly irresponsible. Instead, the wizard decides to focus his efforts on securing an escape route. He turns to the jungle, scanning for a relatively clear path away from the attack. After a moment, he spots a grouping of thick bushes. A burst of fire clears them away, creating a narrow but serviceable passage.

"Sora!" he calls over to the Keybearer. It's actually Azlyn who looks over, the spiky haired hero a bit too occupied with a sudden rush of Powerwilds. When her husband gestures to the cleared path, she nods.

"We're moving, people!" Azlyn yells, knocking over a Heartless and skipping up to the head of the victim group. When a pair of painted men give her a skeptical look, she huffs impatiently. "Come on!"

"Running away?" says the same screaming voice from earlier. "Sounds good to me! Let's get a move on!"

With Riku and Sora providing cover, the group gets moving towards safety. A few Heartless slip out of the trees to attack from above, but Telary settles them with a massive gust of wind that sends them right back.

The emergency escape leads them into a thinner part of the jungle. The sun must be rising now, orange light slipping through any crack it can find in the canopy. Just a few yards ahead, wide open space beckons the fleeing party.

Observing from the rear now, Sora notes that the group isn't very large, maybe a dozen men and women dressed in brightly colored, light fabrics, protected by just five painted men. He hopes this is everyone they started with, rather than the result of attrition. A Powerwild tries to scurry past, the Keybearer dispatching it with a quick swipe from his blade.

Azlyn is first out of the jungle, ramming aside a trio of Shadows. The others follow her into an open field with a large hill looming close overhead. There's a dirt path cutting across the green grass, the group instinctively following it. More Heartless are springing up all around, but there's nothing for it but to keep moving. Hopefully, there's a plan in place for this group other than just panicked retreat.

If so, it had better kick in soon. The Heartless still coming from the jungle join those springing up in the field, quickly moving to surround the fleeing party. Sora and his companions press in tighter, cutting down anything coming close. Flutterings and Air Soldiers come diving in now, adding an aerial element to the battle that only Telary can effectively combat. Finally, a suddenly appearing trio of Large Bodies force the group to a halt.

"Anybody got an idea here?" Riku demands, sidestepping a Soldier's claws before cutting it in two.

"Your Majesty, what should we do?" one of the painted men says, jabbing at a Fluttering.

"Uh, um…" It's the same voice from earlier, apparently some kind of monarch. He doesn't see exactly on Mickey's level of inspirational speaking. "I, er, well I just…"

"Kuzco!" a deep voice calls from the hills. Sora looks to it, seeing a large man dressed in a green poncho, rushing down the path.

The Heartless notice as well, a contingent of Powerwilds scampering across the field. There's nothing to be done about it, too many other problems all around. Sora can't help but feel it's a bit early in the world visit for things to get this desperate.

But, of course, it can always be worse. Two Air Soldiers dive in from above, heading straight for the middle of the people mass. Telary throws up a fireball, but both Heartless manage to dodge. They dive straight down, grabbing a rail thin man dressed in red and gold and raising him up into the air.

He screeches wordlessly, identifying himself to Sora that he's the one who's been doing all of the yelling. "H-h-heeeeelp! They're touchee, they're touchee! Pacha, get me outta here!"

Since this Pacha is still too far away, and may not be as much help as the hostage might think, Sora takes it upon himself to help. He throws a look at Azlyn, tilting his head up once he's gotten her attention. The knight nods, crouching down and raising her shield. Sora runs at her, jumping up on the shield's face and pushing off as Azlyn pushes up.

It's a difficult shot, but Kuzco is being held far enough away from both Heartless that he likely won't be hit. Still, Sora has to twist midair, slicing one Air Soldier's head. He keeps up momentum on the flip, Keyblade cutting through the second Heartless. He has only a heartbeat to free one hand and reach out, grabbing the distressed Kuzco by the shoulder of his robe. The pair begin to fall, and Sora hopes Telary is watching and has time to cast Feather Fall.

The rail-thin man's screech becomes louder again, breaking Sora from his hopeful contemplation. Looking down, the Keybearer spots another Air Soldier rising to meet them. One of its arms stretches out, something clutched in its clawed hand. Sora throws his own arm back, ready to slash the creature down. But he underestimated the speed of its rise, and before he can use the Keyblade his body just crashes into the Air Soldier.

Down on the ground, Azlyn knocks a Fluttering away from her husband. His attention freed, the wizard looks up to Sora, a Feather Fall spell already forming in his mind. But the incantation dies on his tongue as a massive explosion of pink mist bursts forth from where Sora had been only seconds ago.

There's no time to be worried about that either. All around, a faint noise begins to rise, seemingly from the air itself. A pleasant tone, like a softly singing choir. Next comes light, an intense flash of yellow radiance. Everyone covers their eyes, but Telary's curiosity can't be denied. The wizard squints, barely seeing anything.

But he can just make out the fact that all around, Heartless are dying. Wherever the intense light hits one of the dark creatures, they simply burst into nothing. It lasts for a few seconds, before fading out and leaving only a sunny morning behind.

The people open their eyes, most blinking a few times to ease the adjustment. When Telary finds himself able to focus again, he's looking at Azlyn.

"What just happened?" the knight asks, rubbing the heel of her hand into one eye.

"Something convenient," Riku offers, still squinting. "Is Sora okay?"

Telary gasps, the Keybearer having slipped his mind. Not only that, but the screaming hostage he'd been trying to save. The wizard might have missed helping them out with Feather Fall, but he's still available for a Cure spell if need be.

The way they're lying in an unmoving heap together doesn't help his conscience or his nerves. And it only gets worse when he gets a good look at said heap.

KH-KH-KH

Sora stands atop an unremarkable rooftop, several stories above a bustling city. Higher buildings rise up all around him, faintly glowing with reflected orange light from the setting sun. A warm breeze hits his skin, even the faint wind loud at such a height.

Several feet away, a dragon lands on the concrete. Sora thinks immediately of his friend Mushu, the dragon's red and yellow coloration matching almost exactly. But this lizard is at least six feet tall, some additional height added by spiked-up black hair with green highlights.

The mystery Keybearer hops off the dragon's back, looking more content than Sora had seen him in any of his other dreams. There's something of a light in his eyes. His hair's a bit wild too, windswept. For the first time, he seems like a real person.

"Thank you again for the ride, Jake," the Keybearer says, nodding slightly.

The dragon shrugs. "No big deal, yo. Especially after how much you helped me out today. I might actually get around to my geometry homework tonight." There's a brief, thoughtful pause, and then, "Or maybe I'll just get to level six on Space Breakout."

"I can't say that I approve of neglecting studying," the Keybearer says reproachfully.

"Well, it ain't like I get a lotta nights off," Jake replies, his body sagging. "Today might have been a little freakier than the usual, but not by much. If I get two days off between magical crisises…"

"Crises is the plural, actually…"

The dragon rolls his eyes. "Whatever, man. Point is, the American Dragon jam is not a smooth beat. I thought you'd understand, after what you told me about having the Keyblade."

"I like the constant work, though," the Keybearer replies, his relaxed expression replace by resolve. "It keeps my mind off of… things. And even so, Jake, this blade is a privilege. I get to use its powers to help people, fight evil. I'm making a difference. And it's the same for your dragon responsibilities. The hardship is worth it, to me."

"Yeah, I guess," Jake concedes. "Still would be nice to have time to chill. Or a girlfriend who isn't my worst enemy's daughter. Or a dad I didn't have to hide half my life from."

"It's all a matter of perspective, I suppose." The Keybearer reaches into his pocket, drawing out a small object. It's a chunk of blue crustal, with a five-pointed star nested in the middle. "Nevertheless, I hope you keep what I said in mind. And thank you, Jake. You really helped me out today."

He squeezes the crystal, and it begins to glow. The light moves beyond the crystal, moving up to cover the young man's body as well. A moment later, his feet leave the roof.

"Yeah, same goes for you. Good luck, wherever you end up."

KH-KH-KH

"I think the main thing we should be mindful of," Telary is saying to someone, his nervous voice penetrating the hazy void of Sora's sleep, "is sensitivity to the condition."

"Then maybe someone should leave the room," Riku replies.

"You're welcome to go whenever you want, Rik," Azlyn shoots back angrily. "Maybe you can find more people to be paranoid at!"

"Stop it you two, or I'll make you both leave. The important thing here is Sora's condition."

"What about my condition?" whines a voice that it takes Sora a moment to recognize as belonging to Kuzco.

"You've been through this before," explains a calm, deep voice. "This kid's gonna need an explanation."

"Explanation?" Sora moans. The word is hard to get out, the movement of his mouth feeling… strange. Come to think of it, the Keybearer feels strange all over. He opens his eyes to find Azlyn, Telary, and Riku all standing over him. Each wears the same peculiar expression of nervous apprehension. "What are you looking at? And why can't I feel my fingers or toes? Guys?"

Telary holds up his hands, like Sora's some kind of spooked animal. "Sora, I need you to just breathe for a second. Keep looking at me, and only me. Alright? This is going to be a shock, but…"

"What is going to be a shock?" the Keybearer demands. Despite his agitation, he follows his friend's instruction. But fear grips his heart like a vise nonetheless.

"We're just going to let you see it all at once," Telary continues. Behind him, Azlyn and Riku are carrying over a large mirror. After a deep breath, the wizard gestures to it and says, "Alright, take a look."

For a long moment, Sora can't actually comprehend what he's seeing. A four-legged, long-necked, red and black fur-covered creature stares back at him. The hair on its head is brown, familiarly spiked. A chain around its neck holds a familiar crown-shaped silver pendant.

Sora blinks, the animal responding in perfect sync. It's not until the Keybearer raises one arm up, looking not in the mirror but down at his actual hand, that the situation truly sinks in. It's no wonder he can't feel his fingers. All he's got are hooves!

"Oh, boy," is all he can find it within himself to say. "I… Oh boy."

"Wow," a deep voice comments from the room's entryway. Pacha stands just inside it, another creature just like Sora standing beside him. "He's sure taking to being a llama better than you did that first time, Kuzco. Or, come to think of it, this second time."

"Yeah, well," the transformed man replies with a sniff, "that's only because I have so much more handsomeness to lose."

"So this has happened to you before?" Sora asks, still observing his new form carefully.

"Yep," Kuzco says. "Yzma's getting major points off for originality. Then again, there is that thing about old dogs and new tricks."

"From what they've said, she uses a potion rather than spells," Telary explains, sounding oddly excited. "Which complicates things a little. Counter spells are much simpler beasts than potion antidotes. I'm sure that, with a little time to study, I could produce something."

"How much time?" Sora asks, looking down at himself again.

The wizard shrugs. "I, uh, guess it depends. But, if you're familiar with this kind of thing, Kuzco?"

"Oh, I've got no idea about all the sciencey stuff," he replies, shaking his head. "I spent half my time in that class copying off Malina. But I do know that Yzma makes all her stuff in a lab. Thinking back, I probably should have had it boarded up or something once I became emperor again. It was probably on my 'to decree' list, but…"

"The point is, you know where we can find a way to reverse this," Azlyn interrupts.

"Yeah, basically. I wouldn't be surprised if she just had a human potion sitting around like a moron."

"This all sounds pretty good to me," Sora says, smiling. He tries to ignore the weird way his lips are being pulled over his teeth. "Okay, so we go to this secret lab, find a potion or how it's made or whatever, and I'm back to normal."

"Except for the fact that the lab is back at the palace," Pacha points out. "Which Kuzco just got chased out of by monsters."

"Speaking of which," Riku chimes in, "could we get a little backstory here? What was happening before the Heartless showed up to chase you?"

"I was just minding my own business," Kuzco explains, one arm moving haphazardly as he speaks. "Making decrees, listening to problems, standard emperor stuff. Then Yzma shows up, and she's got these freaky monsters with her. She's all like, 'today's the day I become empress', and then some guards go down, and like any sane person I start running. And obviously everybody follows my lead, being the emperor and everything. So everybody who can get out of the city comes with me, those things chasing us the whole time. I took out some of them with my sweet moves, but there were a lot. Seriously, I haven't been swarmed like that since Guaca's family reunion-slash-Kuzco fanclub convention. Anyway, that's about where you guys showed up."

"Uh huh," Telary says quietly.

"What were you doing with your hoof there?" Azlyn can't help but ask.

"Uh, I was drawing it out for you," Kuzco says, rolling his eyes. "Could you not see the loose leaf paper representations of my thoughts?"

"I'm afraid not," Riku replies, fighting his own eyeroll. "This Yzma sounds like bad news, the kind of person Maleficent would just love to associate with. Did you at any point see a big tubby guy, or a guy in red with four arms?"

Kuzco shakes his head. "No, just Yzma and the monsters. Well, and Kronk. Which is weird, 'cause I thought we were friends now."

"You four seem to know about handling those monsters," Pacha says. "Heartless, you said? That trick you did with the sun coming up definitely worked wonders."

"Wasn't us," Sora says with a shake of his head. "Or at least I don't think so. I was kinda busy getting turned into a llama right about then."

"No, we had nothing to do with it," Telary confirms. "I've no idea how… Although, there was something just before the light came through. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could swear I heard…"

"Singing?" Riku completes, nodding thoughtfully. "Yeah, I heard it too."

"Me three," Azlyn chimes in.

"Interesting that you would say that," Pacha says, scratching his chin. "All my life I've been told that when the sun hits these hills…"

"Oh, this again," Kuzco remarks.

"Interesting," Telary says, a small smile forming at the corner of his mouth. "And they haven't come back yet, so it's a good bet the protection lasts."

"Only as long as the sun's up, I'd imagine," Riku points out. "I've never heard of anything like that happening before, a safe spot from Heartless like this. Unless you've got a Cornerstone of Light sitting around somewhere."

"Oooh, ooh!" Azlyn suddenly declares, bouncing up with her hand raised.

The silver-haired young man regards her dully. "I think someone needs a potty break."

She glares hard at him. "Stuff it, Rik. I was going to say I remember something else like this. That Notre Dame kept all the Heartless out too."

"Oh, yeah," Sora agrees. "That was weird but helpful. Just like this singing hill thing."

"It might be a phenomenon worth studying," Telary agrees. "Plus, it would make sense for the Keyhole to be around here somewhere."

"What's a Keyhole?" Kuzco asks.

"If we find it, we can keep this world safe from the Heartless," Sora explains. "It's usually hidden somewhere special, and this place just might qualify."

"Well then get on with it! Consider it a mission from your emperor!"

"I'm not sure it would be that easy," Riku says, drawing a whine from Kuzco. "If this Yzma lady is in league with Maleficent, she'll be searching for the Keyhole too. But it sounds to me like things are pretty personal between you and her. Just how badly does this lady want you dead?"

"Enough that she tried to poison me at a dinner party, accidentally turning me into a llama," the emperor replies. His arm is moving again, providing visual aids no one else can perceive. "Tried to kill me multiple times in a madcap chase around the kingdom. And after that failed, she followed me to school, disguised herself as the principal, plotted increasingly elaborate ways to make me flunk out, usually involving some sort of potion-based animal transformation, so I couldn't become the emperor. That happened about once or twice a week for like three semesters. And after I did become the emperor in spite of all that, she summoned evil creatures to just try and end me once and for all, not caring who gets hurt in the process."

"So, a fair amount then?" Telary says incredulously, shaking his head.

"Which makes me think, Keyhole or not," Riku says, "we can expect an army here as soon as the sun's set. I agree with Sora in prioritizing a way to put him back to normal. Pacha, could we get to the palace and back before sunset?"

The llama herder scratches his chin thoughtfully. "I think it's possible, if the main bridge is holding. Things might get close, but… Yes, it can be done. If you have a good enough guide to get you through the jungle."

"And I'm just betting you know exactly the right person for the job?" A woman steps into the doorway, wearing a yellow dress with red patterns all across the fabric. There's a toddler in her arms, smiling obliviously. "Pacha, if what I've been hearing about those creatures is true…"

"Then we'll need this young man's help," the shepherd interrupts, speaking gently. "Which means he needs my help. Sorry, Chicha."

She sighs, looking at him fondly. "I know. As annoying as that heroic streak of yours is, you wouldn't be the man I married without it." Smiling at each other, the couple exchange a sweet kiss.

"I just think you're crazy," Kuzco interjects. "You won't see me leaving this perfectly safe hilltop to go running around the icky, evil-thingy infested jungle."

"Well, of course not," Pacha says. "You're needed here, Kuzco. As emperor, it's your job to make sure your subjects aren't panicking. Be the leader they need you to be."

The llama's haughtiness melts away as his jaw drops. "Huh?"

"That is generally the emperor-slash-kingly thing to do," Azlyn agrees.

"Yeah, yeah, I know that," Kuzco says, scoffing loudly. "I'll make sure nobody panics. Nope, no panic here. Not at all, not one bit. Man, this fur really heats you up. Anybody else burning up?"

"I think I'll stay behind too," Telary offers. "I'll need to do some studies on the potion's effects anyway, which Kuzco will be useful for. I can scout around for the Keyhole as well. And if you don't make it back here before sunset… Well, I'll do what I can."

"Cool," Sora says with a smile. He turns to Riku and Azlyn. "That means it's a road trip for us!"

"Maybe that's not such a good idea," Riku suggests, throwing a brief glance at Azlyn. "Telary might need help if sundown comes, and…"

"Yeah, sticking with my husband is part of the whole marriage package," the knight chimes in herself. "So…"

"No," Sora interrupts, somehow forceful and cheerful simultaneously. "I think I'll need to have the both of you with me, you never know what's lurking around the corner on a quest like this. And, good as I am, I'm not exactly sure I'll be the most effective Keyblade master around if I have to swing it with my mouth."

"Don't think I don't see what you're doing here," Riku warns the Keybearer. "Azlyn probably doesn't, but I…"

"Think again, Rik," she counters venomously. "Of course, you tend to stick with a thought once you've got it, no matter how…"

"I see Sora's point," Telary interrupts. "So I'm going to insist on both of you going with him."

"Thanks, Tel," Sora says with a grateful nod. "You'll see, both of you. The old roadtrip bonding exercise can't fail!"

"Okay, then," Pacha says good-naturedly, not quite comprehending the argument that just took place. "Well, just give me a second to kiss the kids goodbye, and we'll go right away."

The shepherd leaves with his wife, Kuzco following along behind. The emperor looks incredibly nervous.

KH-KH-KH

Yzma leans back in her newly acquired throne, closing her eyes and just letting the feeling of utter satisfaction sink in. After years of waiting, numerous humiliations, countless failed plots, she has what she's always wanted. Hopefully for good this time.

She wears a purple dress, sleeker than her usual and long sleeved. A collar of peacock feathers flairs out behind her, her black wig, er, completely natural hair slicked back. An ensemble fit for royalty.

Kronk stands beside her, the bulky henchman looking vague as ever. He hadn't seen the need to adjust his wardrobe for this occasion, resorting to his usual purple, blue, and gold outfit. If time permits, he might just see about getting a more elaborate hat.

"Doesn't it feel good, Kronk?" Yzma asks, smug satisfaction dripping from every word. "Back on top, just like we're supposed to be!"

"Oh, it definitely does," he agrees, grinning broadly. "Sure, I had to betray my principles once again, falling back into old habits I should have developed out of by now. But at least it was all worth it. I, uh, hope."

"Trust me, Kronk, it is," the new empress assures him, grinning smugly. "Soon, Kuzco will be brought before us, a pitiful little llama once again. Just think of it, having our very own jester to amuse ourselves with!"

"Are you gonna, uh, make him balance on a rubber ball?" Kronk asks, unsuccessfully fighting to keep eagerness out of his voice. "And… juggle?"

Yzma chuckles, rubbing her hands together delightedly. "Of course, of course. Can you imagine, him trying to catch the balls with his llama hooves? It'll be a riot!"

"Ooh, ooh, we can put him in one of those one-man band uniforms…"

"And have him march around the city! Oh, Kronk, this is going to be brilliant, brilliant, brrrrilliant!"

The sound of a dark portal opening disrupts the pair's merriment. At the bottom of the steps leading up to the throne, Pete emerges from the darkness. "Oh, I wouldn't go making no happy dance plans just yet, you two!"

Yzma throws him an imperious look. "So, the sorceress's obsequies little toadie returns."

"No, Yzma," Kronk interrupts cluelessly. "I've been here the whole time."

His mistress doesn't even waste a glare on that one. Her focus remains on Pete. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your big revenge scheme gettin' all blowed up," Maleficent's minion informs her. "The sun came up on that hill, and blammo, no more Heartless!"

"Th-that's absurd!" Yzma protests, rising to her feet.

"And believe you me," Kronk adds, "we know all about absurd around here."

"I ain't gonna disagree with ya there," Pete says, shrugging. "Never seen nothing like that before. Just somethin' about them hills, I guess. Can't even snap up a single dark portal there, but anywhere else is fine."

"The sun," Yzma mutters, her fists clenching tight.

"Despite all that, though," Pete continues, the corner of his mouth turning up in a grin, "not a total loss. That potion of yours worked like a charm!"

That brings at least some measure of composure back to Yzma. "You mean Kuzco is a llama again?"

Pete nods. "Yep, and even funnier, Sora hisself managed to get caught up in the spray, so now he's a llama too! Don't that just beat all!"

"It certainly does," Yzma agrees, gleeful once more. She sits back down on the throne, scratching at her bony chin. "It would seem I have managed to bring the Keyblade master down to a level never achieved by even Maleficent."

"Well, I guess," Pete concedes grudgingly. "But not much good when he's found a place you can't get to him."

"He's gotcha there, Yzma," Kronk chimes in. "Unless Kuzco, who's also a llama now and probably wants to be human again, tells him about the secret lab, and then he tries to come get it, thus crossing miles of territory where he would be vulnerable to Heartless attacks, not to mention any kind of trap you'd want to set here. But, y'know, what are the odds of that?"

A long moment of silence follows, until Yzma turns to Pete with a smile. "And that's why I keep the big lug around. Well, that and to reach the top shelf."

"I do make a great stepladder," her minion agrees.

"We'll be taking this one on ourselves," Yzma declares, steepling her fingers. "My world, my potion, my rules."

"You sure about that?" Pete asks. "Llama or no, this kid and his pals are a tricky lot. And then there's finding the Keyhole to consider…"

"The Heartless can keep up their search," Yzma says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Let me worry about all of that."

Maleficent's minion still seems uncertain, but after a few moments manages a shrug. "Well, I guess you're right. And I gots some stuff to take care of elsewhere too, so… What the heck? Ya just might get lucky at that!"

"We're probably due," Kronk remarks. "I mean, we fail a lot. Seriously."

"Thank you Kronk," his mistress hisses from the corner of her mouth. To Pete, she offers a smile. "Well, a good day to you then!" She waits, grin plastered on, until the fat cat is gone. Once his dark portal fades, she turns to Kronk with a sinister expression. "I assume you know what I'm going to say?"

"Uh," the bulky dullard replies, forehead scrunching as he makes a serious effort at thought. "That Pete's a cat-man, and you're a cat-woman, so…"

"TO THE SECRET LAB!"

"Oh, good," Kronk says, wiping sweat away from his forehead. "My suggestion was creeping me out just thinking of it."

As ever, it seems to take only a single leap for the dastardly duo to reach their destination. As tradition dictates, Yzma stands to Kronk's left, one arm raised triumphantly in the air. "Pull the lever, Kronk!"

He does so, reaching out to the boar's head statue jutting from the wall and tugging down on its left tusk. Kronk waits for the wall to spin and deposit he and Yzma in the roller coaster. Instead, he only hears a loud crash beside him. "Darn," he whispers before turning to look. "I really thought I had it worked out that time."

Kronk turns, face-to-face with an imposing black box that's landed where Yzma stood. It's rather impressive, ringed by thirteen red locks and decorated with an odd, spiked silver crest filled in with red. He's caught up in looking at it for a moment, before he hears faint sounds coming from beneath it. Straining his ears, he can just make out the words, "Wrong lever."

He pushes the box aside, revealing a bruised and battered, but nowhere near as injured as she should be, Yzma. She stands, scowling as she brushes dust off of her arms and dress.

"What, uh, what's that all about?" Kronk asks, gesturing to the discarded box. "Seems kinda important. What's in it?"

His mistress scowls at him. "I don't know. But don't you want to buy Kingdom Hears IV and find out?" She sighs again. "Alright, pull the other one."

Kronk does so, and this time things work as intended. The wall swings around, depositing Yzma and Kronk into their purple, scary-faced rollercoaster car. As the safety bar swings down, Yzma licks her hand and smoothes back the purple feather atop her head.

"Welcome back to 'Secret Lab Coaster'," a pleasant male voice greets them over a loudspeaker. "We've made a few upgrades since your last visit, and we hope you'll enjoy them. Liftoff in three… two… one… GO!"

The coaster starts off down the tracks, the surroundings lighting up suddenly to reveal a swirling field of green and blue. Two small cannons pop up in front of Yzma and Kronk. The henchman grabs his enthusiastically, but Yzma doesn't even bother.

"Oh boy," Kronk yells, practically vibrating in his seat. All around, tiny colorful blocks of matter start springing up, large yellow and orange cues to the side and, for some reason, big purple hoops right down the middle of the track. Upon getting a good look, Kronk sighs. "No, no, no! Not the KH1 Gummi mechanics! What a ripoff!" He continues to pout until, a few moments later, the simulated space fades out and the car starts picking up speed.

They move down the spiraling track, dropping from one stretch to another until finally reaching the end. Empress and henchman fly forward as the car slams into a stopper. They both turn a flip midair, landing next to each other with white labcoats and blacked-out goggles. After a quick high-five, the pair rush into the lab proper.

"Curse that infernal sun!" Yzma complains, placing her hands on the edge of a table stuffed with glass vials, beakers full of liquid, and bunsen burners. "My true nemesis! All my life it's done nothing but take from me, even my ultimate triumph!"

"Uh, what?" Kronk can't help but ask. "Yzma, you've never even mentioned the sun before. At least not as a source of any kind of hatred."

The empress looks at her minion as if he's grown a second head. "What are you talking about? It's an essential part of my backstory, characterization, and motivation."

"Afraid not. I know I forget a lot of stuff, but I'm pretty sure I would remember something like that. I mean, the whole kingdom is sun-themed for gods' sake!"

"I'm sure I've mentioned it," Yzma says, looking thoughtfully upwards. After a moment's consideration, she shrugs it off. "Well, maybe I should just explain it to you." The lights dim, and somewhere in the background a piano starts playing. "When a woman acquires a certain age, and the men who adored you no longer swoon, it pays to avoid sunlit days, and live by the light of the kindly moon…"

"Uh, Yzma," Kronk interrupts, the piano music abruptly stopping, "what, uh, what're ya doing?"

His mistress throws him him a murderous glare. "I'm about to explain my motivation in song, you imbecile! All the big villains do it!"

"Sure, sure," her minion replies, holding his hands out for peace. "And I'd normally be all for it but, um… This might not be the right medium for it." He throws the quickest of glances to his right, catching a quick flash of the fourth wall. "If y'know what I mean."

The lights go back up, Yzma throwing her hands into the air. "Fine, Kronk, fine! The sun gives off light, light gives me wrinkles, darkness is the opposite of light, so if darkness covers the universe I'll never grow old and stay beautiful forever. Got that?"

"Sure," Kronk replies with an easy shrug. "Makes perfect sense to me." To himself, he mutters, "Mighta missed the train on 'staying' beautiful, though."

"What was that?"

"Nothing Yzma."

The empress's glare lasts a few more moments before fading. "Alright then. As annoying and damnder-than-thou as Maleficent is, I couldn't help but be intrigued by her cause. I was reminded of a story my father told me, back in the days when he was alive and working as the royal mortician."

Yzma moves to her potions cabinet, pushing it aside to reveal a relief carved into the wall behind it. It depicts a large, snakelike creature with the wings of a bat, coiling itself around the sun. Kronk can't help but shudder at the sight. "Ooh, that's… something."

"Long ago, a secret society existed on the fringes of the empire," Yzma explains. "A cult, some would call it, dedicated to a deity of darkness and the everlasting night. A creature called Supai, Bringer of Darkness. Supai was the enemy of the sun, leader of an army of dark soldiers. Soldiers just like…"

"Ooh, oooh!" Kronk cries, raising his hand and jumping up and down in excitement. "I know the answer, I know what it is! Pick me, pick me!"

"Ugh. Yes, Kronk?"

"Just like the Heartless, right?" The henchman pumps his fist in the air. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"Indeed," Yzma confirms, her voice a weary deadpan. When she continues her tale though, she manages to find more excitement. "Legend says that Supai once succeeded in bringing on the night, but he was defeated and the sun returned once more."

"Bummer," Kronk says, shaking his head. "Okay, so now that I know all about your secret motivations and relevant world building, what's our plan for dealing with the Keyblade guy anyway?"

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked, Kronk!" Yzma glides forward, returning to the lab's main table. "As you said, Sora will most likely be coming here in search of a way to reverse his transformation. I'll simply set a trap for him here. Let him get within reach of what he wants, only for it to slip through his fingers."

"You mean hooves, actually."

"Yes, I suppose I do." Straightening up, Yzma gestures to the chemistry set in front of her. "And while he's making his way through the jungle, I'll be here, working to complete my greatest potion yet! Once it's completed, there'll be no need for the Heartless. I'll simply go to that village and grab Kuzco myself!"

"What kinda potion is it?" Kronk asks, leaning forward even though all of the chemistry stuff is impenetrable to him. "Like a lion? Or a unicorn? I know it's kinda stereotypical, but a dragon would be awesome!"

"Oh, better than all those Kronk," Yzma replies, rubbing her hands together with wicked glee. "Better than all of those combined!"

And so the evil empress sets herself to work, while high above, the sun continues its long journey across the sky, moving towards night.


I'm here, I'm back, I'm okay! This took a lot longer than I planned to get right, and along the way I had a lot of annoyances I had to contend with in real life. Nothing apocalyptic, or even that bad, but finding time for writing was pretty heinous for a while. But I'm here, and doing Emperor's New Groove, so hopefully my enthusiasm for this world carries me forward.

NOTES: The Yzma backstory is taken from the film's first draft, called Kingdom Of The Sun. Aside from the Yzma stuff, though, it sounds like it was heading towards being a typical Disney Renaissance era "Epic musical" flick, so I'm glad it ended up as the zany comedy we all know and love. I'm making a few references to Emperor's New School, the Disney channel series spinoff of the movie, but nothing major enough to require anyone be familiar with it.

Well, there's my apology and my trivia. Shoutouts to Bezerker21, DJ Scales, and goddragonking for reviewing the last chapter. Until next time, which will most definitely not be over two months from now.