AN: I'm back once again. I hope everyone is well. The news sure is depressing lately, but do not despair. I have a new chapter.

Happy St. Patricks day. Since I'm 12% Irish I thought I'd post. Who knows, I may get 12% lucky 🍀🍀🍀🍀

Be prepared. This chapter was a roller coaster of emotions, but my fingers were flying over the keyboard. I hope you enjoy.


...

Historia

I ogle the drawing that the captain just handed me. We stand alone in the farmhouse kitchen as I've just given the children their baths and sent them off to bed.

"She… really gave this to you?"

The captain doesn't meet my eye. "Yes."

A sharp breath leaves my lips as I look upon Tilly's drawing again, and now my eyes burn with tears.

Tilly's reaching out to the captain at last, even if she is still too afraid. But it's progress. Instead of running away from him, she will lurk in doorways, watching him from a small distance now.

Once again, I thank the heavens for sending us that beautiful, raven-haired angel. I'm talking about Mikasa, of course.

I study the drawing more closely, stifling a snort. Tilly has captured the captain's essence perfectly from his undercut to his floppy, black hair. And let's not forget the broomstick and the white cravat too.

But he also looks sad. His mouth is turned upside down, and it breaks my heart to see how awfully perceptive she is for her young age. That's because she's experienced great pain and suffering herself.

The other children seem oblivious to the captain's grumpy exterior, but Tilly sees right through it all. I'm not sure what the two doves represent, but they, too, look sad.

"Why… why two doves? Do they mean anything?"

He breathes a sigh. "Beats me… I just thought you'd be interested, Your Majesty."

I smile and glance at the drawing again. "This is so wonderful. I can't believe how far we've come with her. I'm so proud of her… and of us. Two former, lost children making a difference after all..."

"Hm."

I peer back up at the captain, curiously. He still won't look my way. In fact, he has never appeared to be so uncomfortable as he angles his body away from me.

"Captain? Are you all right?"

He shuts his eyes, wiping his forehead, and his fingers come away with sweat.

I stare, aghast. He never sweats...

"Yeah… I'm… I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You're sweating. Oh no… you didn't catch Thomas's cold, did you?"

He gives a feeble growl. "Of course not! As if I would let that brat come anywhere near me with that runny nose."

"Well, maybe you should sit down and have a glass of water. Or tea! You're favourite."

He sighs once more and edges out the room. "I'll be fine, Historia. Keep the drawing. I'm sure you'll appreciate it more than I ever could, anyway."

I try desperately now as I find any excuse to make him stay, but I come up empty. I just don't want him to leave. I've seen far more of his back than I have his face lately, and I don't understand. It's like he's avoiding me.

"Captain, please. Don't—"

I place a gentle hand on his shoulder, yet he recoils and I step away, startled.

What is wrong with him?

You wouldn't think that this was the same man who I punched several years ago in the palace of Mitras. Back then, he had looked down at me like I was some dumb kid (which I guess I was), but right now… you would think he was looking at the Beast Titan, and it hurts.

I may as well be his worst enemy right now.

He's panting, and I can't for the life of me imagine what has gotten him so breathless. He's not himself.

"Historia… please… just… just stay away from me… f-for now… I need air..."

I feel my face crack at his words, and I've never been so perplexed. "W-what?"

"I'm going for a ride. I need to do a perimeter check. It's been days since I've done one last."

"But… it's dark out…"

"Tch, I grew up in the dark. I'm sure I'll find my way around."

Levi heads out the door once again, and now I narrow my eyes, blurting it out. "Are you trying to avoid me?"

The captain freezes in the doorway, offering me the profile of his face. Considering it's the most I've seen of him lately, I'll take it.

He doesn't speak, and I take that as my cue to go on. "You haven't looked me in the eyes all day, and you've actively been avoiding me. Have I done something to offend you?"

He hangs his head. "No."

"Then what? Do I need to bathe?" I lean down next and sniff my armpit, then wince. I have been running around with the children all day — I'm not exactly going to smell like roses.

Levi growls as if he's never heard anything so insulting, and now he finally meets my eyes, locking me in place. His piercing greys seem to cut through me like blades, and my heart won't stop hammering.

It's at that moment that I know I should keep my mouth shut, but ever the foolish girl I am, I step closer. He doesn't flinch this time as I take this opportunity to get through to him.

One of these days, I will crack him open and find his sweet centre.

"Levi, please… just tell me what's wrong. I promise I won't get mad."

His eyes still don't leave me, and it's as if a storm cloud is brewing up inside them. In fact, that's what his eyes remind me of — storm clouds. There is so much he wants to tell me, but he won't allow himself. Perhaps he feels forbidden from telling me how he truly feels.

He opens those carved, bow-shaped lips, then peers down at his feet. "It's… n-nothing, Your Majesty..."

I break his three-foot rule and step into his personal space, and now I'm inches away. His breath hitches, but he doesn't take those storm clouds off me.

I must be the craziest girl in the world right now as I reach a hand up and cup his cheek, and he shudders beneath my delicate touch. Yet I go on and whisper to him soothingly as I would to a terrified horse or child. "It's okay, Levi… you can tell me. No one else has to know…"

Slowly, I brush my fingers over the smooth, chiselled line of his jaw. He closes his eyes, and it's like he's been transported to another time and space.

I look to his sculpted lips next, and carefully I move my thumb across, caressing those prominent peaks of his upper lip.

A soft sigh leaves him, and his breath feels hot against my skin. My undergarments dampen once again, and I bite down on my own lip.

I want to feel that hot breath all over my body…

What is wrong with me? I'm supposed to be the good girl, but screw that. It gets boring after a while.

Finally, he opens those steely eyes, and I gaze into those rounded, lustful pupils. My heart thumps.

"H-Historia—"

I cut him off as I throw myself at his lips, and our mouths touch at last. Levi freezes like a statue, but for the slightest moment, I feel him melting beneath my kiss.

So… this is what kissing feels like? Somehow, I always imagined it to be a little more wet and passionate, but I'm clueless.

They don't exactly teach you this stuff at the academy…

I continue my sweet caress of his lips, hoping he will finally cave and teach me how it's done. He is much older after all. I'm sure he knows what to do.

"H-Historia…" he breathes against my mouth.

"Don't…. don't talk…" I whisper between kisses, grabbing his cravat so I can bring him closer.

His body tenses beneath me, but I don't stop. I will get through to him.

"Historia…" his growl vibrates against my lips, but I go on, desperate to find that sweet centre.

"It's… it's all right, Captain. I… I can take care of you, I promise. We've… we've both endured so much… but we can make each other happy again. I know—"

"Historia… I'm warning you…"

I squeeze back tears, knowing I'm losing him, yet I hold on. "Levi… please—"

He snaps, shoving me away from him, and now I crash into the table. I cry out as I break a chair, and it takes me a moment to gather my thoughts. My body trembles as the realisation hits me.

He… he shoved me away from him…

Just like my mother once did.

Something warm drips down my nose and my hands shake. I'm… I'm bleeding, and all at once it's like I'm seven-years-old again — a pathetic, useless child who has no business being alive. The world would have been better off if the child's mother had just cut her out with a knife.

I really never should have been born…

I cover my nose, gazing up at him horrified. He hovers above me now, his eyes ablaze as he grits his teeth, and for the first time, I actually feel sorry for all those titans he killed if that's the last thing they saw before they died.

I've never seen anything more terrifying.

His hardened face cracks, and now his eyes dance with guilt as he vanishes out the room.

He's… he's leaving…

I scramble to my feet, wincing in pain as I stagger out the door after him. A thick wall of mist greets me when I rush outside, and now a shrill gasp escapes my lips. My breath fogs like a cloud.

Where did all this mist come from? Especially after the bout of lovely sunshine we've had.

I spot his silhouette bolting across the yard, and soon he disappears in the mist. My heart pounds. "Wait… Levi!"

I wrap my shawl around my body, and now I brave that awful fog. Once or twice, I lose sight of him, but then his rigid form reappears, and I breathe a sigh.

"Levi! Stop!"

"Stay away!"

"Please… let's talk…"

He stops suddenly, whirling around, and now I crash into the solid wall of his chest. I fall onto the wet grass, and when I look up, all the breath leaves my lungs…

Only a monster glares at me now.

"L-Levi…" I whisper.

He releases a thick cloud of vapour from his mouth, keeping those fierce, white eyes on me. "Don't follow me…"

His threat is loud and clear, and all I can do is watch as he becomes something other than human now.

And to think I wanted to kiss him before…

Levi darts off again, and now the mist completely consumes him as he increases the distance between us.

Despite his threat, I wobble to my feet, then rush after him.

I'm not about to give up.

He vanishes into the dark mouth of the stable next, and I pick up my pace. When I stumble inside, the horses startle, but I ignore them and continue my path down the aisle.

I find him at last, dressing Silver.

"Levi, please… c-come… come back inside... I'll… I'll make you tea…"

His jaw clenches as he fastens a harness around that beautiful mare. "No. I'm leaving. This has gone on long enough. There's a war on the horizon, and I'm here playing shining knight to some floozy who can't keep her hands to herself. I'm not your Brave Knight!"

The captain spits the last word as if its venom on his tongue, and I pause. "W-what…?"

Levi fixes me with those scorching eyes. "I found that book. Nothing but pure filth… I thought I knew you better than that, Your Majesty..."

Something strange comes over me now, and I shut my eyes, taking calm, steady breaths.

So that's what happened to that book. I never even got to read it. One of the nannies handed it to me when she found it hidden in the children's library, and she told me that it should never see the light of day again.

Even though I never saw a single page, I can still put two and two together.

How dare he… No one accuses me of being a floozy. Not even Captain Levi.

He finishes dressing Silver, and now I open my eyes, joining his side. Just as he places a foot into the stirrup, he peers my way, scowling at me as if I'm the most disgusting creature he has ever laid eyes on.

"What?"

Without warning, I raise my hand, slapping him hard across the face.

He falls completely silent.

I gasp in horror, staggering back as quickly as I can.

I… I just slapped Humanity's Strongest… and he's maaad

But darn… it felt good.

Now that's the slap I should have given him two years ago. Mikasa and Dimo would be proud. Hey, even Ymir.

A red mark burns his pale cheek, and soon it forms into the shape of my hand. I gush with pride.

I… I just did that.

My pride is short-lived though as he cuts me with one of those penetrating death stares, and now his eyes are as sharp as steel. "You'll regret that…"

His voice is barely a whisper. I know I should be running for the hills, but a sudden wave of courage flows through me, and I step right up to him now. "Yeah… well… what are you gonna do about it, huh?!"

A hush spreads over the stables. Not even the horses make a sound now. All the while my heart's in my mouth, but I hold my ground.

Levi's eye twitches, and now he regards me as if I'm the most despicable titan he has ever had the misfortune of looking at. But then to my surprise, he turns his nose away and gives his "Tch".

I widen my eyes. Did… I just win?

Yet I can't rejoice, because he swings his leg over Silver's back and grabs her reins, and he doesn't even look my way.

I scoff. "So, you're really going to leave then?"

He doesn't take his impassive eyes off the road ahead, and my body pricks all over. He's so cold. "It beats sitting around here all day playing your glorified babysitter. You can find someone else to protect you. I'm done. I'd be happy if I never had to lay eyes on this farm again."

My heart skips, and I struggle to breathe. "So… are you just going to leave the children too? Are you going to leave Tilly?"

He snaps and jerks his head my way. "Don't you fucking dare bring them into this!"

I don't waver under his hateful glare or disgusting language. "You know as much as I do that your leaving will break their hearts, Levi..."

His face breaks for the slightest moment, but then he shuts his eyes, putting on his frozen mask once again, and now he gives Silver's flanks a kick.

She moves off.

He really is leaving.

I squeeze my eyes, fighting back tears. "They… they were wrong about you, Levi… You're not humanity's strongest or bravest... You're just a coward. Erwin would be turning in his grave if he saw the man you were right now."

I can tell he's resisting the urge to climb back down from that horse, and beat the living poop out of me for using his late commander's name in vain, but I don't care. He knows I'm right.

The tears escape now, but I don't stop as I spout more hate. "You… you're a bastard. Go on, leave! I never want to see your face again!"

My screams echo through the stable, and now he stops inside the door, swivelling around in his saddle, and I see that ruthless thug from the underground again at long last.

"Well… from one bastard to another. So long, Your Majesty..."

Finally, he gallops off into the night, and I drop to my knees.

He's… gone.

And I'm no longer safe.


AN: Well, there you have it. A whirlwind of a chapter indeed.

I really brought out their toxic traits here, but this is what I've found while writing them. Historia has abandonment, rejection, and self-worth issues, and Levi finds it hard to get close to people. Hence why he pushed her away. I just expanded on those feelings from deeper, psychological level.

I hope it is still true to their characters. It fits in with the manga at least since Levi is violent by nature.

Levi comes off worse. He does get glorified a lot in this fandom, but still... I apologise about that. But this chapter wrote itself. As I said, my fingers couldn't keep up.

Please forgive this version of Levi. He's been through a lot.

Well, onwards and upwards.

CartoonPrincessSigningOff.