The rain came down in sheets and lightning raced across the sky as Tyrion, in a daze, headed back towards the Tower of the Hand. His cloak did little to protect him from the onslaught of precipitation that appeared to be coming from every angle and in less than a minute he was soaked to the bone. Not that it mattered, not that anything mattered after what Sansa had just said, after that kiss that would ruin all kisses for eternity. She had feelings for him, she wanted him and then she ran. From him. Why? Because she thought he would choose his position as Hand over her. No, that wasn't right. Being a Stark, she thought that much like her duty to the North there was no choice but to duty first. But there was a choice for him. One that he had already made in fact, to resign.
His jaw clenched in determination as he approached the Tower. He would find her and make her understand that she would always come first and that his unwavering devotion and loyalty would be hers forever. That he loved her. That he was hers in any way she would have him. But first he had to find her.
In the recessed entry door of the tower Tyrion saw two figures, a man and a woman, having an intimate conversation indicated by the close proximity of their bodies. As he got closer, he quickly recognized Reyna, but it took him a moment longer to realize the Gold Cloak was Ser Addam. He had of course grown up with Ser Addam, thinking him one of Jaime's few decent friends, and worked with as commander of the City Watch. It was just incongruous to see him standing there, looking so intently at Reyna while slowly raising her hand to his lips in what he imagined was a parting gesture. What astounded him further was that Reyna, rather than looking annoyed as she had at gentlemen that usually flirted with her, was smiling broadly and there was a brightness to her eyes he had never seen before. He faltered in his steps for just a second thinking 'How long was I gone and what exactly had I missed'?
But that was a secondary concern and something he would deal with later. He needed to find Sansa, now. He approached the two clearing his throat and was somewhat pleased to see that while Reyna tried to pull her hand back Ser Addam made no move to relinquish it clearly not caring who saw.
Reyna gasped, seeing him looking like a drowned rat and exclaimed "Oh Tyrion we must get you out of the rain before you catch your death!" She let go of Ser Addam's hand to pull him up the stairs and into the entry hall as Addam closed the door behind the three of them as a crack of thunder rolled across the sky.
He just shook his head, "I need to find Lady Sansa. We got….seperated in the gardens. You haven't seen her have you?"
"No." she said biting her lip. "Do you think she went to the Holdfast?"
"I don't know, but I need to find her." he said, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt.
"You need to change out of those wet clothes and find a waterproof cloak before you do any such thing Tyrion Lannister." Reyna said quite bossily with concern in her voice.
"My lady is right." Ser Addam said. "I will go check with the King's guard at the Holdfast and my men to see if they have seen her while you change."
"But you can't go out there!" Reyna protested to Ser Addam as thunder shook the tower. "It's too dangerous!"'
"My Lady Loreyna, that is quite literally my job." he bowed his smiling face a little tighter now. "The job of the Watch is to protect the people of King's Landing and I am their Commander. We do not run from danger, we run into it to help those in need."
"But…" she said as worry creased her face.
"Change Lord Hand, I will be back with news quickly. We'll make sure Lady Sansa is safe." he wrenched the door open stepping out into the rain.
Reyna rushed to the door. "Ser Addam...be careful. Please."
Tyrion saw him acknowledge her plea with a nod to his head before he disappeared into the storm.
When the door closed, she pressed her back to it. Tyrion just stared at her slack jawed.
"What... was ….that?"
"What do you mean? About Ser Addam being here? Don't you remember I was supposed to meet with him about teaching girls self defense?"
"Yes, this afternoon you were. But now it's past dinner and the man is kissing your hand and gazing at you like a moony suitor. And to top it off you are acting like a bride sending her groom to war when he's the damn leader of the Gold Cloaks going to help others in a storm." He stepped forward and gave her a huge teasing smile. "By Gods, you like him."
Reyna blushed, lowering her eyes to his gaze before replying in a challenging voice (with a heavier Dornish accent that always came out when her emotions were heightened) "What if I do?"
"Then I couldn't be more happy for both of you. Just a word of advice though, Ser Addam is good at his job and has a passion for it. If that's going to be an issue for you, I'd suggest not encouraging anything more between you."
Reyna nodded her head once to let him know she heard him and he turned to head up the stairs, his stockings sloshing in his boots with every step. He was halfway up the stairs, when he heard quiet footfalls behind him followed by a probing voice. "How did you become separated from Sansa in the gardens? Did it have something to do with this estrangement between you two that has made you both miserable as well as those around you? What exactly is going on?"
"I hope poor Addam knows what he's getting into with you. A combination of Tarth directness with a nasty Dornish bite is not the best for a fragile man's ego." Tyrion said purposely avoiding her question.
"I have no need for a fragile man Tyrion Lannister and don't play the poor little man card with me. I know you've been hurt since your quarrel with Sansa, but I followed her that night and she was just as devastated."
Tyrion was surprised by that news. "If you must know, we reconciled our friendship." Tyrion said.
"That is good to hear." Reyna said with a guarded look on her face waiting for the rest.
"Then she kissed me and ran away and now I don't know what we are." he said finally reaching the landing and heading for his rooms, his soaked clothes leaving puddles in the hallway. Reyna remained on the stairs frozen in shock.
"What did you just say?" she said running down the hall to catch up grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around.
"What part didn't you catch the kiss or the running away?" he said defensively, his heart aching and suddenly the wetness on his face wasn't entirely due to the rain.
"Oh Tyrion." she said and he could hear the lilt of concern and compassion in her voice. She just swept the curls from his face like she would a small child.
"She told me she wanted me. That she has feelings for me. Can you imagine such a woman wanting an imp like myself? But then she said we couldn't be together because I was Hand and she is Wardeness of the North and left. Left." his voice broke hoarsely
"before I could tell her I loved her. Before I could tell her I had already planned to resign because I'm just so lonely and miserable here without her. I need to find her. I need to make her understand."
"We will."
"We?"
"Yes, Let's get you cleaned up and then we will find her and make her listen or I will lock you both in a room until you two idiots in love get over yourselves." she said, throwing open the doors to his temporary quarters. She admitted a little surprised shriek before stopping abruptly, causing him to collide into her.
Tyrion peered around her to see a very large raven sitting calmly on his desk peering at them with its head cocked to the side. It held a piece of jewelry in its beak that it dropped as soon as they walked it, squawking at them almost impatiently.
"How did it get in here?" Reyna said edging toward the fireplace as if to grab the poker. Tyrion stopped her, putting his hand on her arm reassuringly.
"I think the bigger question is how did it unlock my desk drawer?" he said as a smile ghosted his lips recognizing the charm bracelet he had designed for Sansa. Tyrion looked directly in the milky white eyes of the raven, "Hello Bran."
The raven bobbed its head and flapped its wings excitedly, picking up and dropping the bracelet once more. "Can you tell me where Sansa has gone?" Tyrion asked and was amazed when the bird threw him a look of what could only be called scorn. Of course Bran knew where Sansa was. The bird looked at him and pecked repeatedly by the charm of the Stark sigil that represented their father. It then studied him as Tyrion pondered what the message meant and cawed excitedly when the answer lit up his face.
"Ned." he pondered. Of course, the man that she loved and worshiped above all others. The father that had been stolen from her in front of her very eyes. He addressed the raven that was Bran "That's far on foot in this weather. Is she safe?" Tyrion added worriedly.
The bird bobbed its head in an affirmative gesture and Tyrion heaved a sigh of relief.
Tyrion turned to Reyna who had only started to get over the shock of witnessing Tyrion's conversation with a God-like being through a bird. "I know exactly where she's going." he said as he placed the bracelet back in the jeweler's bag and hurried to change from his wet clothes.
Sansa had no idea where she was going. She just knew she had to get away in a feeble attempt to protect what was left of her heart. It was stupid and childish to run she knew it, but she had just been so overwrought to have him so near and yet so far, knowing that he could never be hers.
Sansa found herself leaving the gardens as the thunder rolled overheard and the rain came down in torrents. Like all good Northerners her cloak, even if lighter for the Spring weather, was nicely waterproofed, but it was still difficult to stay completely dry. The smart thing to do would be to go to the Holdfast but she could not deal with Jon right now knowing how he already felt about her trying to hide her feelings for Tyrion. The tower was clearly out as much as she would love to talk about what happened with either Brienne or Reyna. Especially Reyna. Brienne was almost as bad as she was when it came to expressing her love for a Lannister.
Thank the Gods Jaime felt no such qualms and had openly and loudly expressed his undying love for her in the Great Hall of Winterfell as the survivors gathered to celebrate the defeat of the Night King. Her thoughts couldn't help but turn to Tyrion. That night they hardly spoke but a few words but she kept catching him looking at her and she kept finding her eyes seeking him out across the room. They didn't need to speak, it had already been said, she had made it clear in the crypt that they would never work. But that still didn't stop her mind from wandering to that kiss and the way he had looked at her before they fought the dead, to wondering what it would be like to ask him to join her in her chambers as the survivors left the hall in pairs to warm each other's beds.
She shook her head. Is that where her feelings for him had begun or was it before that? In King's Landing? Or was it somewhere mixed up all in the middle? She had dreamt of Tyrion for years starting on her voyage to the Vale and with each passing year and with each inferior and cruel man she met, she had come to be that much more fond of her Little Lion Husband. But now it was so much more than fondness, she loved him.
Not fully aware of her surroundings lost in contemplation and the feel of Tyrion's lips on hers, she found herself at the gates of the Red Keep looking down into the city below. Far, far in the distance she could see the spires of the rebuilt Sept of Baelor that was set to be completed in the next few weeks. In fact, she and a few others were set to get a private viewing of the memorial for the victims of the wildfire explosion this week. But more importantly, Jon and Sansa would be able to see the statue of their father that was also being dedicated. Rumor had it a talented Lysene sculptor was able to use some sketchings found in the Keep of Ned during his brief tenure at Hand and brought them to life.
Father. What she would give to hear his deep gentle voice, to feel him hold her one more time! She wondered what he would have to say about her predicament of having to pick between duty and love. Without thinking she started heading out the gates, the guards being far more concerned about the weather and people trying to get back in the Keep than those leaving it. The thought of seeing her father's face, his true face in something other than memories drove her forward despite the thunder rolling overhead and the torrential rain. She hadn't gone more than a few blocks in her fugue like state, when she began to feel a tingling sensation that she was being followed. Panic set in as she realized how foolish she was to be out alone in the city as she recalled the riot in Flea Bottom where she was almost gang raped. She whirled around, her ever present stiletto released, to see a giant of a man in the shadows. "Sandor?" she said weakly, the thoughts of her savior from the riot foremost on her mind. But it couldn't be Sandor, he had sailed with Arya for the West after she had devoted herself to his recovery after nearly dying battling his brother and he had thus pledged himself to her in turn. The other men of that size she knew were dead, the aforementioned Gregor and the gentle Hodor. She smiled as she suddenly remembered another, "Francis?" she called to the shadow.
"Lady Sansa." he said as he approached her. "I was returning to the barracks at the Keep when I saw you slip out the gates. It didn't feel right to leave you unescorted. The King and Queen not to mention the half-man would have my hide if I let something happen to you." His broad face looked at her seriously, "I gather your errand is very important to be out on such a night as this without waiting for a guard."
"Yes, I need to see my father." she replied. "At the Great Sept."
He regarded her quizzically, before giving her a simple nod and gestured that she should lead the way. In the building up above tucked under a ledge, a raven shook its body to disperse the rain drops on its feathers and regarding the humans below gave a self-satisfied squawk.
The main body of the new Sept was complete but there was scaffolding in parts still surrounding it as dozens of artisans paid homage to the Gods in the stone carvings of the building. Off to one side a two story area was completely covered in canvas, from the look of them old threadbare sails, forming a gigantic tent. They were to remain in place until the great unveiling of the memorial and sculptures later in the week.
Sansa could see the glow of a lantern where two of the frayed sails intersected and headed towards it. Francis pulled the canvas flap aside for her to enter, startling the young Gold cloak on guard. He reached for his sword in fright at the sight of the giant man, but Francis with lightning fast reflexes for a man of his bulk restrained him gently. The young man's eyes went wide at the sight of the colossal man in front of him and even wider as Sansa dropped her hood and he recognized the King's sister. He dropped to one knee, imploring "Forgive me my Lady."
"My good man there is nothing to forgive. I was in the wrong and should have announced myself. You were doing your duty. How about my friend here take you to the tavern across the way and I buy you both a pint so you can get out of the damp? I won't be long, I just wanted a few moments of solitary reflection with my father's statue before the public unveiling. I'm sure you understand." Sansa said sweetly to the flustered young guard.
She pressed a coin in Francis's meaty palm and he slapped the guard on the back. "Let's give the Lady some privacy. We can still keep watch from across the way."
Sansa gave him a thankful look and resolved to figure out how she could entice him to take Pod's place as her shield when she returned to Winterfell.
A moment later she was alone in the cavernous makeshift tent. The worn canvas was torn in some places creating a half dozen of so small waterfalls, adding to the cave-like feeling. But compared to the deluge outside, it was still a refuge from the storm. Grabbing the lantern, she tried to orient herself. In the center of the memorial, was a replica of the massive statue of Baelor the Blessed for whom the Sept had been named. Along the periphery she found statues of other notable Westerosi figures including Queen Margarey and a plaque listing all those who had perished in the explosion. Her finger traced the name of Loras Tyrell, remembering the handsome knight she had hoped to wed, only to have her dreams dashed as her betrothal to Tyrion was announced. The irony of it all, she thought miserably.
At last she came to the statue she had come looking for, and almost dropped her lantern as the life-size stone carving of her father came into view. The sculptor was not just talented, but a genius. Unlike the statue in the crypts that had been destroyed during the Long Night, it looked as if Ned Stark were frozen in time. Slowly, she dropped to her knees not caring that the cold stone floor seeped through her damp clothes.
"I miss you father. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way. I was never meant to lead the North. It was supposed to be Robb not me. Even Bran was trained more than I was as the second son! I try everyday, I do, but I feel like I'm some sort of impostor. I wish I had learned more from you but I have had to learn as I go. I am a slow learner and my teachers often only taught me what I didn't want to be. Everyday I try to make you proud and serve our people as you would." Sansa implored to her father's spirit.
"I wonder if you'd recognize me or any of my siblings now. Could you imagine what we would have become? Would you have wanted our lives to turn out as they had? Jon became the King of Westeros. Arya saved us all and became the Bringer of the Dawn. Bran evolved into something otherworldly and powerful. Meanwhile your silly headed eldest daughter whose only goal was to marry a prince and have his babies now sits in your place and rules….alone."
"I should be happy with this. I'm proud to carry on your legacy, truly I am. I just can't help but wonder what things would be like if things were different. If Bran were Brandon Stark and not the Three-Eyed Raven, if Robb or Rickon had lived, would I be able to fulfill other dreams of mine?" she traced her finger on the ground in contemplation. "When I became Wardeness of the North I was thrilled to have a purpose, to have people to care for and look after as my own dreams of a family were long gone. One cruel man after another saw to that and I didn't think I could ever bear to let another one in my life. How could I ever trust a man again after Ramsey or Petyr?"
"But I did find one man over the years who became my friend, who was always kind to me and who I came to trust as much as my family. And I've done something foolish and wonderful all at once by falling in love with this man who I can't be with. I don't think you would have picked him for me, nor would I as a girl ever picked him for myself. But he's good. So good to me. He's kind, the kindest man to me outside of our family. He's brave, gentle, and strong just as you promised me. And so, so clever, at least most of the time. He's the Hand to Jon and Daenerys and is fantastic at his job. As much as I love and admire you, it wasn't a great position for you. Political games were not your strength, but he's born for it. That's why we can't be together. He belongs here and I belong in Winterfell. I knew this but I acted on my feelings anyway and I think given his reaction he may feel the same for me and now I've hurt us both."
"So that's why I came to see you. I just don't know what to do." she said her voice thick with anguish. "I can't stay here even if it means I get to stay with the man I love. I belong in the North, I know this but the thought of spending my life alone as the last of the Starks is a burden I don't think I can bear. So where does that leave me? Please help me father. Please!" A sob escaped her throat as the tears finally escaped and ran down her face.
Sansa wasn't sure how long she wept, but she knew she had never felt more low and exhausted. It had been a fool's errand to come here, to risk life and limb, just to see a statue and she felt just as lost and heartbroken as when she arrived. Trying to gather up enough energy to move, she was startled when a large black feather fluttered to the ground. She was so surprised by the feather that she didn't hear the soft scrape of boots on the floor until a small familiar figure stood next to her wiping her tears from her face with his thumb and murmuring her name with tenderness.
Far to the North, a young man sat in a wheeled chair underneath Winterfell's heart tree. His eyes clearing from the cloudy white of warging, he focused on the albino wolf whose head rested in his lap. Stroking Ghost's head gently he said "The wheels are in motion, the players are in place, and now the rest is up to them. We leave regardless of the outcome for the land beyond the Wall in two moons time. A wolf needs a pack, and yours awaits. I've done all I can to help Sansa find hers as well."
Soooo, it's been a month. Longest I've ever taken to update. I got super discouraged at the beginning of this chapter with the GOT fandom after a nasty encounter with some Dany-stans. I'm down if you love Dany and want to bash on D&D and pretend Mad Dany never happened. But there is no justification for mass murder. Sorry. And don't you dare say the mass murder was Tyrion or Sansa's fault!
Of course after that, the world went to hell and frankly writing fanfic felt less important. Be kind to healthcare workers (like me) and those stocking your food. Please stay at home, wash your hands, and give us hospital workers a chance. Also take time to unplug from the news and social networking and do some selfcare.
Much love,
Foxy
