Here to be, to be Here
Volume II – Rising of the Bird of Rebirth
Chapter II – Understanding
-o-O-o-X-o-O-o-

I sighed, lowering the paper that I had been reading intently. Crossing my legs, I leaned back into my chair and tilted my head down as I closed my eyes, a frown marking my lips.

Rolling my shoulder, I thought about the current situation.

'Riser feels as if something is off. What could it be?'

The report that I had just read, was one written by my Queen. It's been a few days since I had ordered her to start writing them, starting from the first of June. Now it was the seventh of June and I've received a report from her every day since I had her start.

The specifics of the report were towards the human that I had found and saved from a Stray Devil that had so rudely entered the Phenex territory. He had begged to be trained, though I had simply waved him off towards my peerage.

There was no reason for someone such as me to train a lowly human, after all. And yet the human smiled and thanked me for some reason. I didn't understand it; if he wanted me to train him, then why did he think that me throwing him to my peerage was acceptable?

Shaking my head, I stood up from my chair and spun around, pushing the object to the side and made my way over to the windows that had been behind me. Pushing the curtain to the side, I observed the figures in the courtyard shouting as they moved around in training.

Currently, that human was training in martial arts with my Rook, Xuelan. Earlier, he was receiving weapon training from my Knights, Karlamine and Siris, and before that, it was magic training from my Bishop, Mihae. After he finishes his training with Xuelan, he'll be moving to Mira, my Pawn, to attain combat experience.

For each four, he has been spending one and a half hours with them, for a total of six hours a day. He starts training after eating breakfast and once it's finished, he eats dinner. In the middle, that being after three hours have passed, he can take a ten-minute breather.

After eating dinner, he then goes to do training towards his Sacred Gear, but that was something that he had decided to do on his own and isn't mentioned in the report that Yubelluna writes for me. However, I have noticed it anyway and have been keeping a close eye on him just in case he collapses again.

Due to him training with my peerage, as a King, I have to make sure of his progress; if he wasn't gaining anything, then he's merely wasting the time of my pieces, and that was unacceptable.

However, according to the reports that I have received so far, he has made some improvements. It seems as if his ability of adaptability is quite high for a human, as he's gotten used to the training that he has undergone already.

Vaguely nodding in pride without noticing, I let the curtains obscure the sight of the window and turned around. Tossing the report onto the desk that I had sat behind, I stuffed my hands into my pocket and exited the room with quick, annoyed steps.

A scowl graced my face as I thought about what had happened before this human brat had shown up in my life.

'That damnable newly reincarnated Devil... he defeated me, Riser Phenex!'

This was far from the first time that I had thought such a thing. In fact, I couldn't remember a day going by that I didn't think about it after having been defeated in such a miserable way. A Devil somehow possessing the ability to wield Holy Swords, and not even a regular sword, no. But a fragment of Excalibur.

It pissed me off. It made me seem pathetic; even father had chewed me out for my attitude.

What was wrong with everyone? I haven't done anything wrong! I'm just me! I'm Riser Phenex; the strongest Devil! All of the members of the House of Phenex are strong. Father, Ruval, Reyes, and even Ravel! We were born with the power of immortality. There wasn't any reason to worry about our standing; we are strong!

Ravel and I, in particular, were often called geniuses when we had started training. We were both prodigies, though in different areas. Ravel leaned more towards strategy and intellect, while I leaned towards combat and instinct.

We were destined for greatness, and yet we were defeated so easily!

'No; Ravel hadn't been taken out in that Rating Game. Only Riser was. She had sat back and watched, directing my peerage to the best of her capabilities...'

I shook my head. That was wrong. While Ravel was made a Bishop to gain experience for when she was to become a King herself, and as such, I allowed her to be the tactician in my peerage, I had overruled several strategies that she had come up with and even ignored her warnings about the opposing team, believing that as long as I was there, our victory was all but assured.

And yet, we had lost.

I had lost.

It was impossible; but it had happened, it was reality and not a dream.

Sighing, I stopped in my tracks. Looking forward, I saw Ravel walking towards me, her lips pursed, and eyes drawn in a worried fashion. It was clear as day that she was thinking heavily about something due to her forehead having creases made across it.

I almost felt like scowling and walking past her, not even giving her the time of day. However, something kept me rooted in place. It wasn't my immense love for my only little sister; it was something else, something urgent. If I had to describe it, it would be as if something life-changing was about to happen, similar to the feeling you might have before an important interview.

I, Riser Phenex, for some reason felt anxious about talking with Ravel.

"Brother, I have to talk to you," Ravel softly spoke as she came to a stop several feet from me. I stared down at her, not saying anything. Nodding my head, I gestured for her to continue. She nodded. "I wanted to talk about... that day, and yourself."

I frowned, not understanding what she was going on about.

"What do you need to say about Riser?" However, I decided to hear her out. Ravel was a smart girl, but she sometimes had a habit of saying the wrong thing when explaining something. But regardless of that, she was my beloved little sister, and while I was a little okay with ignoring her at times, I wasn't fine with completely ignoring her words.

Even if I do disregard them a lot.

"Firstly, I wanted to ask if you were alright with how things have gone..." She looked away, biting her lip. I rolled my shoulders into a shrug.

"Riser is still Riser; he is still strong. I don't think there is a difference between then and now." Ravel shook her head, looking down at her feet as she gripped the hem of her dress.

"No, that isn't exactly what I wanted to know..." I frowned, not understanding what she was trying to get at. Allowing her a few moments to think through what she wanted to say, she finally looked up, her eyes shining wetly as faint traces of tears could be seen. "What I wanted to hear... is whether you're looking to the future, and not the past." I tilted my head, confused.

"Riser doesn't quite know what you're trying to say," I confessed, but quickly shrugged, closing my eyes. "But if you're asking if I'm planning to do something specific in the future, then I can say that I'm not contemplating anything worth mentioning–"

Interrupting my words, the sound of flesh meeting flesh was heard. A loud, yet light slap. One that stung, but not due to the force of the strike, but due to the emotional weight that came with it.

Opening my eyes, I pressed the tip of my right index and middle finger against my cheek, blinking.

Ravel had slapped me. Even as I stared down at the girl, disbelief was written across my face, I could see her arm outstretched, her lips pressed together tightly as tears shined within her eyes, begging to flow from them.

"No, that's not right!" Ravel argued with a higher pitch than normal due to her anger and sadness. "The Riser that I know... the older brother that I love... would've gone out to train and to improve himself so that his loss is never repeated, so that he can avenge his defeat! I remember... I remember watching you training every day when I was little... Why? Did you forget your own dream?" she all but shouted as her voice lost its strength midway through her speech.

I internally scoffed, but on the outside, I could only hang my head down. I couldn't refute her words, for they were true. The me back then – what separates the me of now and the me of then, was our drive, our goal, and dream. It all came crumbling down one day, yet I couldn't recall when it had started.

Ravel shook her head, continuing. "You lost to a young Devil, one who had never participated in a Rating Game before and while I will admit that her pieces wielded more quality than our own, we still held the advantage, the initiative! Strategy, numbers, experience, power! And yet, look at the result..." Balling her fists together, Ravel looked down, ashamed and frustrated. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and I realized what she had been feeling.

'I see. So, she's been holding herself back for my sake, as if expecting me to change, to do what I would've done when I was younger... She held back her emotions, let it pile up within her, and this is the result.' I bit my lower lip, anger dancing within my iris, yet I couldn't draw it forth. Everything she said was aimed directly at me, yet I couldn't refute her words, for they were true.

When I was young, I had once thought that the Phenex was the strongest of the Devils. Sure, there were those like Sirzechs Lucifer or Ajuka Beelzebub that were deemed the strongest of Devils that had broken through their limitations, but that was viewed in special circumstances. It didn't mean that we, as the proud Phenex, were any less.

I had grown up in my older brothers' shadow, but when I was remarked as a prodigy, I had started to stretch my own wings. I believe that when he had lost, that was the moment that everything started to crumble down when pressure built up within me, the pressure so great that I eventually lost everything without even realizing it.

Ruval Phenex, a man who had never lost a Rating Game since his debut, finally lost. To the Emperor, to Diehauser Belial.

It was eye-opening. I had realized that even we, the strongest of the Devils possessing the greatest capabilities, could lose. I had trained myself since then to the best of my capabilities. The pressure building up, a dam constructed as I attempted to push it back. I had succeeded, for a time.

I had gathered the strongest pieces I could, traded them for stronger pieces, and did everything I could to attain victory. I worked as hard as I could, collected information, trained myself and my pieces, and made deals and arrangements to acquire more power and political backing. And in the end, I forgot it all.

I forgot that we could lose, believing that we were the strongest once again. My arrogance clouded my mind; it was always in the back of my head, that even Ruval Phenex, my oldest brother, could lose.

I thought it was impossible to lose. And I was proven wrong. The pressure that had built up within my chest had finally burst forth, and it spiraled out of control.

I held my head down with my eyes shut closed tightly as I breathed hot air out between my lips, letting my shoulders slump. 'Perhaps that human has had an effect on Riser somehow. Riser seems to be thinking about a lot of things recently.'

Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to Ravel who hadn't said another word. Shyly looking up at me, hoping for something, anything, that showed that I was the Riser that she remembered, I offered her a thin smile and warm eyes, surprising the young girl as evident by her widened eyes.

"Riser knows," I finally spoke in a low, defeated tone. "Riser knows that he hasn't been acting the way that he has lived thus far... Riser, no, I... think I've lost my path. However, I don't know what to do. What could I do?" I held my hands up, staring down at my shaking palms, a strange look on my face. "The Phenex is supposed to be the strongest, but Ruval lost. We are supposed to be the greatest, yet I lost. Why? What am I missing?" I shook my head, lowering my arms as I stared down at Ravel whose eyes widened at my hollow look. "What can I do to reclaim my pride as the strongest?"

The two of us stared at one another for what felt like an eternity, until Ravel smiled, a relieved expression caressing her face. "Yes, that's exactly how my brother should be acting..." wiping her dress sleeve against her face, obscuring her eyes for a moment, she continued. "I believe that you should talk to our eldest brother. It's been some time since the two of you have sat down and talked, right? Perhaps he knows exactly what to say at a time like this." She frowned, a blush blossoming upon her face. "I fear that if I did, I'd say something wrong...

I chuckled, shaking my head. "No, I believe you've done a fantastic job waking me up." I breathed in through my nose, before releasing a moment later. "Yes, perhaps that is just what I need to do. Riser will see you later, no... I wish for you to deliver a message to my peerage for Riser." Ravel nodded, accepting the task. I paused for a second, letting the message play through my mind a second time before speaking it aloud. "Tell them to meet me in three hours in my personal training grounds in the back of the Phenex manor. They shall not be late. Inform them of this, will you? ...and thanks."

"Yes, of course, older brother." Ravel bowed her head, a pleased look etched onto her face. I sniffed indignantly, a smirk on my face revealing my true feelings, walking past her without another word. Ravel remained in place even as I turned the corner, holding back tears that I knew were covering her eyes and feeling relief that I had finally decided to get my act together.

'Truly, I wish I could punch my past self in the face for not realizing this earlier.'

Ignoring such drivel, I directed my feet to take me to a small study in the corner of the Phenex manor. The reason for going there is due to hardly anyone going to such a place or near it, and I wanted privacy for when I contact Ruval.

It only took a couple of minutes and a lot of fast walking to reach my destination. Closing the door softly behind me, I looked around the room for a second and then found an appropriate place for one such as myself to sit.

Sitting down upon the plump leather sofa, I breathed out a relieved sigh, before tension seized hold of my body once again. It was time to contact my oldest brother. Much like what Ravel had said, the two of us haven't talked in a little over a year.

Ruval had left back then to train with his peerage so that he could pay back the Emperor for his previous defeat many years ago. 'I remembered hearing that he had said that he found a worthy teacher to help train him and his pieces, but could such a thing be true for a Phenex?' I shrugged to myself as I closed my eyes, picturing my brother's face.

Bringing a hand up to my right ear, I let my magic power flow outward, forming a signal towards my brother. Even though I couldn't sense his magic power, the Phenex blood connected us. That and magic was sometimes really convoluted and weird.

It only took a few minutes for the call to go through, the first thing I heard from the other side was the sound of a small explosion.

"H-hello?" A voice cried in a slight panic as a small bang was heard. "Not the best time to be calling me, but how has it been Riser?" The voice of Ruval floated through the connection easily, and while it seemed as if he was dealing with something major, I decided to ignore it in favor of asking him my own questions.

"Riser has missed you Ruval, but I'm not here to just chat. I wished to ask you a question, one that I hope would help me in my situation."

"Okay? What is it you want to know?" Ruval spoke over the sound of a second explosion and the sound of rushing wind could be heard as well as rocks hitting the ground with a barely audible explosion.

"Riser wants to know... I want to know how to be strong even when I have lost."

"...Huh?" Ruval's voice sounded confused, but after a few moments, he managed to work out what I had wanted to know. "I see, so you lost in a battle?" I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. After a few seconds and some shouting, Ruval continued. "When you lose... that's it. You hit the ground, but you can just get right back up. It might sting, it might hurt. You might even wish that you were dead, but, hold on a second!"

With that, Ruval began to shout some obscenities towards something, which triggered several explosions. However, after that set of explosions, they stopped completely. 'Most likely whatever training he was going through was put on pause. Though Riser didn't really pick up most of what Ruval had said.'

"Okay, I'm back," Ruval said, though his voice sounded a little far away. A moment later, and he fixed the problem. "Sorry, I kind of got sent flying through a few mountains." I quirked an eyebrow up but didn't ask for him to elaborate on what was going on his side of things. "Anyway, you want to know how to deal with loss and how to come back from it, right? Well, simply put, figure out your weaknesses and work on them and then train your basics and go from there. The Phenex are strong because of their immortality which exists because of our powerful regenerative abilities, but forget about that completely, okay?"

"Forget about it? Why?" I asked with a frown, to which Ruval hastily explained, almost short of breath.

"Well, if you rely on a certain power, then while you could become strong, if it gets countered somehow, then you'll be screwed, especially if the power is some type of healing ability. In this case, regeneration towards the self." He paused for a second as he drank something, most likely bottled water. "If you disregard this quality of yours and focus on taking attacks and training up your body and magic, then when in an actual battle, you'll be able to fight through a whole lot more than what you could before.

"If I had to give an example, I'll use my match with the Emperor from years back – you remember it, right?" I frowned but didn't say anything. Knowing that I probably remembered it all too well, Ruval continued without really waiting for my reply. "I fought Diehauser with all that I had, but I couldn't really do anything to him, so I relied on my regeneration to fight back against him. However, as you saw, it didn't really go too well. If I was stronger physically, magically, if I could manipulate flames and wind more accurately, perhaps things could've gone differently.

"What I'm trying to say, is that Diehauser doesn't rely on the House of Belial's special ability, while I relied on the House of Phenex's ability. Because of this, there created an obvious gap in our abilities. If I could match him with my basic abilities, then I could've drawn out the match and defeated him with my ability of regeneration, but because his basic specs were much higher than mine... well, you know what happened."

"I see," I replied absentmindedly as I thought about what he had said. A lot of it makes sense, such as figuring out my weaknesses and working on getting rid of them, and also improving my capability. However, saying to not rely on the House of Phenex's ability? 'How could Riser not utilize a weapon like that?'

As if predicting my thoughts, Ruval explained his reasoning. "By not relying on our regeneration, it will become stronger as our body becomes stronger. If you get used to severe pain, then you can face down any opponent as long as you have the magic power to supply your regenerative abilities. Plus, there are small wounds that could be overlooked but are healed anyway. If you were able to control how your power heals yourself, then you could essentially only focus on wounds that could get in your way. But a scrape, or a bruise? Those can be ignored.

"I suggest you to find a teacher to help you with your pyromancy as well. While we might be of the House of Phenex and fire and wind might be as easy to us as breathing, finding a second perspective could be useful. I'm currently training with an actual Phoenix right now, me and my peerage, so if you ever get the chance to approach one, I'd suggest doing it.

"You could also go to a Dragon. I believe the former Dragon King Tannin is a good choice to go to, considering his power and that he is now a Devil. Plus, I hear he's a pretty mean teacher, so he might be of use to someone like you. Anyway, I don't have much more time than this, is there anything else you need to know?"

I thought about everything that he had said up till now.

Finding my weaknesses and eliminating them, working on my basics, not relying on my regeneration, finding a Phoenix or a Dragon to help me become stronger, and...

"No, I believe Riser should be fine with what you have said."

Ruval chuckled a bit. "Then, I have to go. It was nice speaking with you, little brother." I nodded, knowing that he couldn't see it, a smile on my face.

"And you too, oldest brother."

With those words, Ruval cut the link between us, the magic circle that had been spinning around my right ear with the symbol of the Phenex dissipating like shattered glass. After a moment, I leaned back against the sofa, closing my eyes as I pressed my index finger and thumb against the bridge of my nose.

"I feel as if Riser will have a headache from this, so Riser shall take a short nap as Riser thinks through his plans... Riser should also stop speaking like this, but it's a rather big habit."

Chuckling at that, I gradually began to relax my body and began to plan everything out, first from my meeting with my peerage that I scheduled through Ravel, the human boy that I had saved, and the future, of what I want to accomplish and how I wanted to do it.

With a grin marking my face, I made myself as comfortable as I could, and slept.