Please review. In these times, I need some happiness in my life :-) .
If you recognize it, it is not mine.
The following chapter contains quotes from and references to the episodes The Bug Out, Margaret Engagement and Out of Sight, Out of Mind.
This chapter is rated T.
Claudia was sitting on a hard chair, dressed only in a light black skirt and a white blouse without a coat or even a sweater. The room was so cold, she was shivering pretty wildly. Her almost white blond hair was highlighting how pale she was. Across the table from her there was an old man was sitting, looking directly at her with a stern expression on his face.
"I want to see my dad. Where is he?" Her voice was soft and hesitant, filled with fear. It was perfectly natural in her current situation, i. e. being so far away from home and being interrogated by a scary man. Still, she felt weird. They have been in the United States for ten days now without being allowed outside the building. First it needed to be determined if they were a threat to US national security or not.
"You will be allowed to see him when we are done. Now let's go back to the time of the coup."
"Oh, again? I already told you about that." She put her head in her hands, closing her eyes while sighing.
"Why do you don't want to talk about that?" His voice revealed his suspicious nature.
"I hate those people so much it scares me. It's like I'd be capable of anything, which is a worrying inclination in a doctor, isn't it?" She raised her eyes to look at the interviewer,
"It can be useful in these hard times." He said, slowly raising his eyebrow and smiling lightly.
His smile made Claudia shiver with discomfort.
Although he went to bed only in the early hours, Colonel Potter was already sitting in his office at ten o'clock sharp. He just couldn't sleep anymore, thinking about the exchange he had with Claudia. Her quotes just kept running in his head, nudging his brain awake.
"I thought as regular army you'd understood the possible ramifications of leaving them behind. But no! You just got up and left without your company clerk, the Head Nurse and your best surgeon."
Her frightened voice sounded like an alarm in his new office. He was already feeling guilty about his decision to let Hawkeye stay behind and was even angrier than Radar stayed without his permission. Him telling Claudia that Hawkeye doesn't follow orders, especially when it comes to his patient's health did not calm the situation.
"You should have tied Hawkeye up or sedate him and stuff him in the back of a bus, not let him and two other people risk capture, torture, rape and death! They could be dead already and we wouldn't even know! How would you feel having to inform their families, knowing that it was all your fault?"
Colonel Potter thought about how his time in 4077 changed him. A few years before, he would definitely ordered everyone to safety without any exceptions. And those who wouldn't want to go would be forced to by any means necessary. What was it about this war experience that made him differ from his usual patterns? Did he go soft in his older years? Was this something to be worried about? He has always taken care of his people and he needed to trust his judgement unconditionally.
Even though Colonel Potter tried not to wake Radar, knowing he probably had gone to sleep even later, it wasn't long before his faithful clerk appeared. He looked all sleepy and tired, giving his eyes a little rub before putting his glasses on and focusing on his commander.
Colonel Potter, refusing the coffee Radar was offering to get, asked to see Hawkeye. He might not be able to soothe his own mind, but he should at least try to calm down his officers. That is basically what leadership is about, putting your needs behind others'.
"You called, my dear colonel? Don't tell me we're bugging out again. I heard we can finally expect some mail…" Hawkeye was, as always in the morning, in his shirt and shorts with his red robe casually opened. His unruly hair, peppered with some grey, was even less obedient than normally during the day.
"Sit down, son." Potter gestured towards a chair.
"Oh, father. Am I in trouble?" Hawkeye grinned sarcastically, parking his bottom as ordered.
"That depends on how much shouting do you plan on doing in the upcoming weeks?"
"Colonel… " Hawkeye sighed so loudly, he almost hurt Radar's ears, who was listening from behind the doors. "It's too early to get into this."
"Can't my favorite officers just make up, Hawkeye?" Potter made his famous pleading eyes to get Hawkeye to cooperate. But the chief surgeon was looking down at the floor, his head bowed in sadness.
"We just can't agree on some things and there's nothing that can be done."
"Then you need to find a way to coexist in the same camp without tearing it down."
"Why are you only saying it to me? Are you on her side?"
"Don't get paranoid, Hawkeye. We are all on the same side, remember."
"Why do you defend her so vehemently?" Hawkeye threw his hands in the air, gesturing wildly as he spoked.
"Don't repeat this anywhere, because even I shouldn't know this." Colonel Potter leaned forward over his desk, catching Hawkeye's attention. He continued in a whispery voice. "The time she spent away from this outfit, she'd been helping Sidney interview POWs." Hawkeye shifted uncomfortably in his chair, avoiding eye contact. Colonel Potter paused to give him time to absorb this news and then went on. "You can bet your belly button she lately spent unbelievable amount of her time imagining the unspeakable things she heard about being done to you and your two companions. And it's been tearing her up inside. So please be understanding."
"Can I go back to my Post-Op duties?" Hawkeye stood up, shrugging his shoulders a little.
"Of course." Colonel Potter wasn't sure if his words had any effect on the chief surgeon.
Claudia was hiding in her tent, writing letters. She wasn't in the mood to see anyone. With Frank missing Margaret and expecting a promotion he will definitely not get, he was even more unbearable than usual. His ego was so big, he seriously thought he was going to be a lieutenant colonel soon. But Claudia knew his record wasn't as spotless as Frank thought it was. After Frank tried to court-martial Hawkeye and have him killed, she sent a few reports to HQ concerning the conduct of Major Burns, which by this time made it into his file. She also got right into Frank's face and told him how lucky he was that the trial was over when they met and that she'd have done to him whatever they did to Hawkeye.
And then there was the matter of Frank's surgical skills. The previous commander didn't really engage with the army any more than he had to and Colonel Potter preferred to keep tabs on Frank than to inform the upper deck. But Claudia wanted to make sure that Hawkeye's and Frank's files reflected their skills and worth, making it clear why Hawkeye was the chief surgeon, even though Frank had higher rank. With her limited time left, she wanted to set the records straight, document Frank's incompetence and maybe help Hawkeye in the future. He was always getting into trouble.
And there she was again, thinking of Hawkeye when he came into her tent.
"Hi, Claudia. How are you?" His eyes looked much darker than normally in the shady atmosphere of the tent. He kept his distance from her at first, trying to guess how she was feeling.
"What do you want?" Her face was like a mask as she stared at him all expressionless. "Is it one of my patients?" Standing up abruptly, she then rushed towards him.
"No, nothing like that. I just needed to talk to you."
"Alright. What do you want then?" Claudia stood just a few feet away, but seemed utterly unreachable. With her hands on her hips, elbows sharply sticking sideways, she was gritting her teeth loudly.
"Claudia…" Hawkeye waited until her stare softened a bit and a little curiosity showed there, and then pulled her closer to him. She didn't hugged him back at first, but slowly lowered her hands to her sides so he could bring her even closer. His hands, one around her waist and the other around her neck, maintained a tight grip while he whispered into her ear. "Nothing happened. We're okay… sssh." It was then that Hawkeye felt her hugging him back tenderly. It was a light touch, but it was there.
Comforted by her actions, he turned to lay her head against his shoulder and began stroking her hair. She snuggled into his warm embrace, relishing in the contact with his firm body and muttering something indistinctly.
"Huh?" He pulled away a little and looked down at her, inquiring what she said.
"Do you want to get something to eat?"
"No, thanks. I like this better." He gave her a mischievous grin and immediately afterwards pulled her into a tight hug again.
"I am serious, you must have just finished your shift now…" Wiggling out of his arms, she smiled.
"Okay, but please let it be noted I protested."
"The record shall so reflect." After getting her jacket and putting it on, they both left her tent to see what the mess tent had to offer. They both had a lot of questions, but were afraid to ask them in case it would generate another argument.
As they walked in together, Colonel Potter shared a knowing look with Hawkeye, but said nothing. Some of the food looked almost edible that day, but that was just an illusion as Hawkeye realized after he sniffed it vigorously.
It took more than a few nights of sleep to offset the disruptions after the bug out, but the camp calmed down significantly when Hawkeye and Claudia were not constantly at each other's throats. The relative normalcy took another swift kick when Margaret came back engaged, and as a new, completely changed woman refused to play second fiddle to a married man. Hawkeye and Claudia got into a little heated exchange about those two ferrets, but it remained friendly.
"You know, one day you will get slapped over your fingers if you keep grabbing onto the double standard that hard…" She was lying on her side on her cot, looking over a magazine and listening to Hawkeye's voice.
"Excuse me? Double standards from me?! I adore women. I worship them. I live for them and if I wasn't such a coward, I'd die for them, too." He hummed flirtatiously for a little while.
"You're telling me you haven't noticed how many times Frank talked about his wifey right in front of Margaret and how it hurt her? What did you do then? Probably laughed it off if you even register it." She closed the magazine and switched her full attention to the handsome doctor who was keeping her company. "But now that she found herself a future that doesn't include him and Frank's going all loopy, suddenly you care. Margaret deserves a man who will make her a priority, not fleeing happiness from someone who just wants to pass time between home visits. To be fair I shouldn't be surprised you don't understand."
"Hey! I resent your tone." He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes before smiling widely. "But I like your fiery nature."
"What I told you before about playing with fire?" She displayed her white teeth in a big smile, winking at him.
"I forgot because I got lost in your eyes, my princess." Hawkeye leaned forward to look directly into Claudia's eyes and gave her a cheesy wink.
"No, no, no… Don't you dare! It's an insult to my uniqueness. You call Margaret a princess as well." She raised her eyebrows to express her annoyance.
"Okay, I'll come up with something else, my queen." Hawkeye indicated a little bow to appease his companion.
"Oh, I like that." The sound of her laugh filled the tent.
Claudia wished for a calm night shift and god, how wonderful it would have been if that happened… The uproar didn't register particularly quickly on her consciousness, she only took it in when the crowd of people poured through the door and she saw Hawkeye holding his face and heard his creaking voice raised in agony. She didn't expect to see him until he was supposed to relief her in a couple of hours.
After she fully woke up, in a quick succession she noticed BJ standing barefoot near Hawkeye holding his elbow, Colonel Potter dictating some orders to Radar and all the nurses nervously moving around.
"Colonel, send everyone away. I'll deal with this." Claudia's tone left no place for negotiating, and she was the doctor on duty. She pushed through the tangling limbs of medical personnel and took Hawkeye by his shoulders. She could feel his body shaking heavily as the crowd dispersed and only Colonel Potter remained by her side, describing what happened.
Listening cautiously, concentrating on every word, she ran her hands up and down Hawkeye's back. "Hawkeye, come with me, but keep your eyes closed. I'll help you, okay?"
With his hands still shielding his eyes, he followed her gentle hand leading the way. In the new silence, Hawkeye could hear the opening of the doors right before they stepped through them and the clucking sound they made when closed. All those screaming voices and hands jabbing at him were gone, the only sensation he felt was Claudia's touch.
"I give you something for the pain, but I need to examine you first, yeah?" Prior to her speaking, he heard both of their footsteps echoing in the examination room. He just nodded slightly, because he couldn't find the fitting words. There was some commotion as she was probably preparing the instruments and medications and the disinfectant. His breathing got quicker as he knew what was coming.
"Try to keep still, alright? I know it hurts and I'm sorry." Her breath tickled his neck, but he didn't comment on it. She touched his face gently, prepared to push his hands slowly out of the way, but he recoiled abruptly, flinching away from the contact.
"Ssssh…" He heard Claudia whispering into his ear, stroking his shoulder a little. "You're in good hands, honey. I'll take care of you."
Seeing those tiny metal pieces lodged in his beautiful face was breaking her heart. She needed to take them out and disinfect the area, knowing all too well it would hurt like hell. "Alright, eyes tightly closed for now, please." She took his hands into hers, and gingerly laid them on her around her waist. "Keep your hands busy here, just let me work."
Trying to ignore his wincing in pain, she got rid of the metal and cleaned the burns. She could tell how much he tried not to cry out in pain. His face was twisted with pain and every once in a while a soft whimper escaped his lips.
His hands rested gently on her body and after a while they slid down to her behind. His movement was very hesitant, she could barely feel his light touch as he began moving his hands in circles on her cheeks. Feeling her body go rigid, he stilled and asked: "Are you tense because I'm hurt or because I am touching you?" His voice didn't carry a flirting quality or a joking one as it so often did.
"Sir? Ma'am?" Radar came rushing into the room, his voice all panicked and high, interrupting the intimate moment.
"Radar since you have four eyes, can I borrow two?" Hawkeye said, trying to mask what he was feeling.
"You know I would help if I could, sir."
"Radar, I need you to go get a purple packet from the left pocket of my yellow robe. You probably find it hanging in my dresser."
"In the green tent inside a gloomy greyish country on this grim forsaken planet." Hawkeye continued Claudia's description.
Radar frantically ran to Claudia's tent and found the said robe. Slipping his hand into the left pocket, he experienced a nice softness of the fabric against his skin. Thinking for a moment about how forbidden it seemed to be in the tent alone, he paused. Then remembering himself, he reached further into the pocket and pulled out a purple packet of something. Not wanting to keep Claudia and the hurt Hawkeye waiting, he exited the tent without looking at what it exactly was.
He found Hawkeye lying on a gurney with a piece of cloth over his eyes with Claudia protectively looming over him. "Oh, thank you, Radar." She said when he handed her the goods. She ripped the wrapping and revealed more little packets inside. "Here, this one is for you, my little brave soldier." Giving Radar one of the packets, she smiled. "But you have to promise to stay safe." She already talked to him about his decision to stay with Hawkeye and Margaret and he agreed with her it was a great risk. He also said he would never leave Hawkeye's side, which was Claudia's main point of complaint really. Hawkeye's decision could have had consequences for many people apart from him alone, which he definitely didn't contemplate beforehand.
"Oh, I intend to, ma'am. Thank you." Radar said and with a little bow he left.
"Hey, what did he get?" Hawkeye wondered, trashing his hands in the air. "Oh, he's gone again. That little fink."
"Be a patient patient, please. I'll secure the dressing to your head so you can sit up." She checked up on the bandage twice, tugging at it to make sure it was appropriately fixed and asking Hawkeye if he was comfortable. He always nodded silently, but didn't answer. "Yeah, there you go. This is for being such a good boy." After he sat up, she handed him a little packet, but then it dawned on her he wouldn't be able to unwrap it. Her inner voice scolded her as she proceeded to reveal the delicacy. "Wait, I'll unwrap it for you. And here…"
"Oh! A cookie!" Hawkeye's voice was finally not full of pain. He hungrily bit into the cookie, savoring the sweetness. "Mmmm. Yummy…"
"Not just any cookie, but a real delicious cookie, huh?"
"Is that what you call me when I am not around?" Hawkeye smiled, his left hand probing air to find where she was. Feeling her walk into his reach, he encountered her body and then leaned against it, chewing on the rest of his reward. Feeling her hand running through his hair, he focused on trying to relax when he heard the door open. Not knowing who it was she turned to where Claudia's head approximately was, hoping she'd clue him in. Apparently she knew what he was thinking, because she didn't leave him in the dark for long.
"Colonel …"
"So how's our stallion doing?" The Colonel asked, looking at the two doctors in tight embrace.
"All we can do now is to wait for the specialist." Claudia said, not letting go of Hawkeye. "How are things on your end?"
"Major Houllihan will move to the Nurses' tent, accompanied by her space heater."
"Boy, did our Major have to be mad…" Hawkeye whispered, feeling so fragile just hanging onto Claudia. He felt like he would just disintegrate without her presence, the scariness of his situation was paralyzing him. Blindness would get him out of Korea, but what would he do with his life? Medicine was his life, he couldn't remember wanting to be something else. As much as he didn't want to think about the possibility, his mind apparently wasn't going to let him rest, playing numerous horrible scenarios in his head.
"Better than frozen." Claudia objected.
"I am not so sure… You remember how crazy she gets when she's mad?"
"I also ordered an inspection on all heaters and other electrical things. I don't want other accident." Colonel Potter simply ignored Hawkeye's comments and continued speaking.
Claudia listened to him with Hawkeye in her arms, planting a kiss on his cheek and rocking him gently like a baby. He was clinging to her with all his might, doing his best to calm down, but it was a losing battle. The Colonels shared a distressed look and Colonel Potter was finally able to see the tears in Claudia's eyes. Her eyes dropped to Hawkeye's trembling frame, signaling to Potter not to comment on her emotional state. Sensing his presence was no longer desired, Potter encouragingly squeezed Hawkeye's hand and after a few kind words left swiftly.
"We're alone." Claudia said, just to break the deafening silence.
"Oh?" Hawkeye snuggled further into Claudia's t-shirt, inhaling the remnants of her perfume. Claudia planted a light kiss on the top of Hawkeye's head and continuing to hold him close as he turned a bit to her and afterwards she traced his lips with her forefinger. She could hear him inhale sharply and then felt the grip on her body tighten. Of course she understood the pain he was in on top of the overwhelming dread he was feeling and it was crushing her. She just didn't know what to do to make him feel better.
"It's gonna be okay, sweetie." Claudia whispered. He responded by shaking his head bitterly. "Sssh… I am here for you."
Sorry for the late update, but if I thought I was busy before the Uni closed, I was REALLY mistaken. Suddenly all the teachers want papers instead of exams, class participation etc.
Hope you are all safe and healthy and will stay that way!
Next chapter will be rated MA for explicit content. If you don't like that sort of thing, skip it and continue with chapter 21.
