A/N: I know it's been a long time since I updated, so if you're still reading, thank you. I really appreciate those who have asked whether I'm okay or not.

I'd also like to remind everyone of the list of triggers in the first chapter. I don't want to catch anyone off-guard. Thank you.


"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."

- J.K. Rowling


The elevator pings, and the door slides open. My stomach tightens at the sight of the hallway looming in front of me; I haven't been back to this apartment since after the accident. I know coming here was my decision, but now that I'm here, my intestines are twisting themselves into knots, and I'd rather fly back to Vancouver than go through that door. Still…I made a choice. I have to do this.

My hands are trembling, making it almost impossible to put the key into the keyhole, but I manage to unlock and open the door. Before I can even turn on the lights, Naruto rolls his suitcase past me, then dramatically collapses onto the floor.

"Finally!" he groans.

"You knew it would take another hour and a half to get here from the airport," I say as I drag in my own suitcase, flick on the light switch, and shut the door.

"That doesn't make it any less tiring."

Ignoring him, I untie my shoes before going further inside. I'm not sure whether to be surprised or not, but the decor isn't familiar at all. The style is modern like I expected, but it's more from knowing Nii-san's taste rather than remembering the apartment. I guess my memory of the months after the accident is fuzzier than I thought. Even so, dread festers inside me at the thought of staying here.

But I'm too tired to deal with that. Instead, I let myself fall face first onto the leather sofa. My spine and tailbone are pulsating from sitting for so long, and I don't even want to imagine how bad the bruises are. Lying on my stomach like this should relieve the pain, but…I can already feel my hipbones digging into the cushions. I take a deep breath, trying desperately to make myself comfortable, but everything aches the moment I put pressure on it. On top of that, I still have to deal with Naruto being here.

"Wow, I've never been up to a penthouse before!" Naruto exclaims as if noticing his surroundings somehow renewed all of his energy. The pounding of his feet running all over the apartment is starting to give me a headache. It's just another apartment. It's nothing special. There's no reason for my own heart to be beating this fast.

"You didn't tell me your place was like this!" he says in awe. "The windows go all the way from the floor to the ceiling! And your balcony has a pool!"

I don't remember that either. What I do remember is how everything was so…quiet. Five and a half years ago, it was just me and Nii-san. Now Naruto is here. Everything has changed. At least there's no silence to suffocate me.

Five and a half years ago…that means the accident was around six years ago. Six years ago?

My stomach clenches again. "What day is it?"

"Uh, I don't know," Naruto says. "We left on the 14th, so I guess it's the 15th here?"

…it's the six year anniversary of the accident tomorrow. I completely forgot. Between dealing with Nii-san and school and just everything, I forgot. It's not important. It's just another day, but…

"Which room should I stay in?" Naruto finally says, and I hold in a groan. I don't want to get up. I want to sink into the sofa and never stand up again.

But I can't do that. "I'll show you the guest room," I say as I push myself up. It feels better to relieve the pressure from my hipbones anyway, but I have to fight off the dizziness that threatens me every time I stand. I shut my eyes and let the feeling pass.

"You okay?" he says.

"Yeah. Just tired."

Sighing, I walk ahead of Naruto down the hallway, then flick on the lights in the guest room on the right. It has a queen-sized bed and a bathroom, so there's no reason for him to complain.

"Here." I gesture toward the room.

Naruto's face lights up as he takes in the room. "This is amazing! This room's gotta be three times the size of my own bedroom!"

His smile is so genuine, so bright that I have to look away. "The house we have in Shirokanedai is better, but we're renting it out until all of us can come back home."

Leaving his suitcase by the door, Naruto rushes toward the bed and throws himself onto it, laughing the whole time. "Seriously? I mean, your house back in Vancouver is nice, but this place is on another level!"

Watching Naruto like this, for a moment my heart feels lighter. No. I can't be thinking about him like this. I break my gaze and focus on the wall behind him instead. Still…Naruto is here. He's lying on a bed in this apartment. Why didn't I think this through? Why didn't I really understand what this means? We'll be living together for a week. He'll be just down the hall from me sleeping, showering, and…no. I shouldn't think about any of that. There's no place for me in his heart and no place for him in my life. What's more important is that it's going to be almost impossible to maintain my diet without him bothering me about it. Nobody understands that I'm only doing what's best for myself. It has to be done. Maybe fasting is out of the question, but if I'm careful about what I eat and only have small portions, I'll be fine.

"Sasuke?"

I blink. I need to focus.

"Are you hungry?" Naruto asks. "We should grab something from the convenience store downstairs and then head to bed."

I have no choice. "Yeah. I'll go get us something."

"No, I'll get it. To be honest, you look worse than I feel, so—"

"No!" I shout before I can stop myself. Shit. He's staring at me like something's wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine.

"You don't speak any Japanese." I look away from him. "It's better for me to go."

Out of the corner of my eye I see him relax. "I'm pretty sure the convenience store will have a computer screen that says how much everything is, so I don't need to know Japanese. Just let me know what you want, and I'll grab it."

I can't get out of this. "Fine. Get a bento box with fish and hijiki. It's a brown vegetable mix." If I have to eat, I'd rather get a salad or fruit bowl, but I have no choice as long as he's with me. I don't even have to eat the whole bento; I'll throw out whatever I can't stomach.

"Got it."

"I'll run the bath while you're gone," I say. "You can go first when you're done eating."

"Bath?" Naruto says.

I stop. Even knowing he'll probably shower, I guess it's still ingrained in me to run the bath every night. "In Japan we wash ourselves in the bathroom first, then soak in the tub. We share bathwater since you're only supposed to get in the tub once you're clean. If you don't want to do that, your bathroom has a shower."

"No, it's okay." He shakes his head. "I'm in Japan! I gotta do things the way they're done here. You should take your bath while I'm gone then. I'll take mine after."

He's supposed to take a bath first since he's the guest, but at this point I don't care. I just want him to leave. I need the quiet.

"Fine." I turn away and head for the bathroom. After entering the settings for the bath in the control panel (1), I drag my luggage from the entrance over to my bedroom. I might not remember much about this place, but at least I remember which room is mine. It looks almost exactly the same as my room in Vancouver anyway. The only difference is that I left a few old books here.

Sighing, I splay open my suitcase on the floor. Before I start sorting through my things, I take out my phone and tap the screen. Nothing. Still nothing from Nii-san. Well, I was the last one to text him, so it's up to him to answer me. I toss my phone onto the bed and take my toiletries out of my suitcase before heading back to the bathroom.

The humidity hits me when I open the bathroom door, and steam starts flowing out into the hallway. I shut the door behind me and undress, leaving my clothes on the counter. Bracing myself, I gingerly sit on the shower stool, only to grimace—the plastic presses into my bones as expected. I have to wash myself as quickly as possible, or the bruises will only get worse.

After a few agonizing minutes, finally I lower myself into the tub. The water wraps around me, easing all the pressure off my bones, and I can finally relax. The tub is so deep that even my tailbone doesn't hurt. I almost feel weightless. Maybe sitting in a bathtub like this is the only way I'll ever accomplish my goal.

I let myself sink under the water. I haven't heard from Nii-san in almost a week, and yet he has the audacity to text Naruto. I never thought he was this petty, that he would ignore me just because he doesn't approve of me coming back to Japan for a week. He wouldn't even give me a good reason for not wanting me to come. Maybe he's just holding on to me too tightly after…everything.

I come back up for air. I need to stop thinking about these things. It's the first time in months I've been able to take a proper bath like this. I'm back home, or as close to home as I'll ever be until Mom wakes up. Naruto is here too. I'm safe. Nothing can hurt me here.

Nothing except my memories.

Just thinking about it makes me lightheaded. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the accident, and Naruto and I are going to go back to where it happened. I doubt it'll trigger anything—I've been back so many times—but I still dread it. I know he'd rather go sightseeing, but we'll just…walk. Walk until we find something. Until I remember.

I hold my head in my hands. What if I don't remember anything? But what if I do remember everything? If I don't remember, I'll feel like I wasted both his time and mine. I still need to study and practice my recital pieces. But if I do remember…now that I'm here, I'm not sure I want to. But the gaps in my memory haunt me. I don't know what I want.

My head is starting to pulsate. I think I need to get out of here. I stand up, but it's like the floor falls out from under me. Everything is going black, I stumble out of the tub, and—

"I'm back!"

A sharp pain runs through my head, and I open my eyes. Shit. I fainted. My whole body aches, and everything is both hot and cold, but I feel too weak to get up. I'm lucky Naruto was still downstairs when I fainted, or he would have burst in here and seen me like this. A disgrace.

But the longer I stay here, the more my shoulder blades protest. I have to get up. I don't think anything is broken, so I shift my weight to my right hand and will myself to stand up.

Gravity is against me, but I grab onto the towel rack to steady myself. I catch a glimpse of the fogged-up mirror, and...even though I can barely see my reflection, there's red. I bring one hand to the top of my head. Blood.

Shit. I must have hit my head against the counter. I need to get out of here before the heat makes me faint again, but Naruto's already back. I can't let him see me like this. My body…it's an embarrassment. At least the bathroom isn't a problem. I don't see blood anywhere else, and the excess water on the floor is inconspicuous in a wet room like this. I'm the one who's the problem. I can't even take a bath without ending up like this. Pathetic.

I hastily rub one of the towels over my head, wrap it around my waist, and grab my clothes. If Naruto is already eating in the kitchen, he'll see me when I leave the bathroom. What do I do? Do I sneak out? Distract him? I have to think quickly. I have to get out before it's too late.

"You still in the bathroom?" I hear him call out.

"Yeah," I reply weakly as I lean against the wall. His footsteps echo in the hallway, slowly getting louder.

"Sasuke?" He's right outside the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm here." Every word is a struggle. "Did you get any Pocari Sweat?"

"No. What's that?

"A sports drink."

"Uh, you didn't ask for that."

"Yes I did."

"I'd remember if you had told me to get something with as weird a name as that."

"Just go buy it." I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry.

There's a pause. "Are you okay in there?"

"Buy it. I'll reimburse you later."

Another pause. "Fine, I'll be back."

More footsteps, but this time they fade, and then the front door slams closed.

Finally, I stagger out of the bathroom. Everything is spinning, and I have to keep one hand on the wall in order to steady myself. One foot in front of the other. My room is only a few steps up the hallway. Then I can rest and recover. My knees are begging me to let them buckle, but I've already fallen onto the floor today; I don't know much more my body can take. I grit my teeth and drag myself toward my bedroom. As soon as I pass the threshold, I shut the door and collapse onto my bed. Everything aches.

Am I always going to be like this?

I shake my head. It's because the bathroom was too hot. I'm fine. People faint every once in a while. I just got unlucky that I hit my head. I'll tell Naruto I'm not feeling great, then go to bed without eating anything. Tomorrow's a new day.

And as much as I want to forget, maybe I'll finally remember.


"Are you sure you didn't want to go grab breakfast somewhere?'

"I told you that I ate before you woke up."

Aoyama is already bustling with people, and the crowds only get larger the closer we get to the Scramble Crossing. I'm surprised it's still this cold in Tokyo; the morning air is cool, and even though I've stuffed my hands into my sweater pockets, I can't seem to get warm.

Naruto shrugs. "If you say so. Hey, so we're going to that big intersection in all the anime and movies, right?"

"Yeah." My body is sore, but my chest feels empty. "It's about half an hour to the Scramble Crossing from here. The site of the accident is on the way there."

The silence between us is like a wall, and I dig my hands even deeper into my pockets. I never thought I'd be sharing something like this with him. The accident, the memories…They disappeared from my mind like nothing. Why can't I disappear that easily? I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like throwing up.

Six years. Everything has changed. And nothing has changed.

The only noise comes from the sound of cars rushing by and the murmuring from people walking all around us. I figured Naruto would be more excited about exploring Tokyo, but he's taking this seriously. I glance at him, and his face is grim. He—

My body tenses. His hand is on my shoulder.

"What's that for?" I glare at him.

Naruto gives me a small smile, and his eyes are kind. "It's okay to not be okay."

My face goes hot, and I look away. Why does he always look at me like that? Does he pity me? I'm fine. I'm used to this already. It's been six years.

He lets go and stares up at the sky. "I'm glad we're here together."

"I need to buy some clothes when we get to the Scramble Crossing." I change the subject. He needs to stop saying things that make the emptiness inside me hurt even more. "You'll have time to act like a tourist for a while."

"Thanks for thinking about me, Sasuke, but I came here for you."

"I wasn't thinking about you!" The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. No. I'm being too obvious. He has a girlfriend. I wouldn't be allowed to date him even if he was interested in me. I have to just stop. He doesn't mean anything he says. Not in that way.

"Yeah, right," he laughs. "You're a prickly bastard sometimes, but you can't hide that you're a good person deep down."

"That's not true." I stare at the ground. What does he see in me? He's an idiot. Only an idiot would say something so stupid.

But I look back up only to see the skyscrapers around me becoming more familiar. The pit in my stomach grows. We're getting closer to where it happened.

"Should we have brought flowers?" Naruto says.

"And where would we put them?" I scoff.

He shrugs. "People leave flowers at the site of car accidents all the time in Canada."

"This is a busy intersection."

"Pff, and you tell me you're not a good person."

"I'm just being practical."

"And I'm just being honest." Naruto smiles. "I have something I want, no, need to tell you, actually."

No. Don't say things like that. It makes me feel like I can't breathe. I have to get a hold of myself.

"What?"

"It's a secret!" He laughs. Before I can yell at him, his face turns serious. "We have more important things we're doing right now, so I'll tell you later."

"The chances of my memory coming back are low anyway." The emptiness inside me aches. We're almost there. "I've been back here so many times and have never remembered anything."

"Well, you never know," he says. "So I'm going to wait to tell you. I promise it'll make you happy."

Happiness is the last thing I can possibly think of right now. "We're here."

Time stops, and the air feels even colder. We're in front of the same old coffee shop. Across the street is the same old music store with the anime and idol advertisements plastered everywhere. It's an intersection just like any other. But to me, this is where my life ended.

And I don't remember anything.

I've been lying to myself all this time. I've never remembered anything at all. I've only fabricated memories based on what people have told me, based on what I think it would have been like. I can't be sure if the dreams or other 'memories' have ever been real. The dreams have always been slightly different from each other, after all. I'm standing here looking at the place my nightmares trap me in every night, and I remember nothing.

"Anything?" Naruto asks.

I shake my head. "It's just another intersection."

"To some people, yeah. But even if you can't remember the accident, you know what happened here. I'm like that too with my parents' accident."

The wind is frigid, and I wish I would just turn to ice. "My nightmares and so-called memories feel fake when I look at this place." I say. I don't know why I'm telling him this. I shouldn't be telling him this.

"Are you sure?" He cocks his head. "I remember that time you had an asthma attack when you remembered something. Your reaction made it seem like the memories were real."

"I don't know. It might have all been lies."

Naruto purses his lips. "Are there any other places we could go that might make you remember?"

"My elementary school is around here," I say. "If any of my memories are real, I was at school that day when some kids stole my copy of Genji Monogatari. I don't know where I ran off to after that."

"Let's try there then."

We cross the street and take the backroads to my elementary school. I don't think going there will help, but it's why Naruto and I came to Japan. We might as well try. He keeps looking behind us, so I don't know if he's looking for some kind of clue, but there's nothing here. More than anything, I'm glad to leave that intersection behind me. I still feel dread twisting inside of me, but at least it's starting to calm down.

The crowds thin out and are replaced by a small stream of children with randoseru (2). I haven't been back to this school since I graduated, so it's strange taking this path again. I can see the main building from here, and it looks like any other school. The tree near the gate is still there, barren until the cherry blossoms bloom next week.

As expected, I don't remember anything related to this place either. Maybe all my memories are fake.

"I guess nothing, huh?" Naruto must be able to tell by the expression on my face. "Where do we go now?"

"The Scramble Crossing." I already start walking back to the main road. "I told you I need to buy some clothes." My entire wardrobe has stretched out so much I'm sure Father is ashamed to even look at me. I've tried to buy clothes in Vancouver, but the smallest sizes are still too big. Clothes are always so much bigger in the West anyway, so now is my only chance to get some things that fit decently.

After walking for another while, Shibuya Station finally looms in front of us, and the familiar skyline from the Scramble Crossing is in sight. The murmurs around us grow louder, and the street is thick with people.

"It's so crowded!" Naruto gazes at the famous intersection in wonder.

"That's why we're not taking any trains from here until rush hour is over." I point toward the street on the left side of the 109 Building. "Let's go."

Even though I say that…I freeze. I need to cross this huge intersection, which means making my way through throngs of people. How am I going to...fit? I look down at my stomach. Even wearing a sweater, I can tell how much it sticks out. I'm fat. I'm fucking fat, and I'm going to get fatter as long as Naruto is here judging me for how much food I shove in my mouth or not. And now it's humiliating just to cross the street.

"We really should go." Naruto takes my wrist and starts walking.

His grip makes my face burn, but there's no time to think. Now I don't have a choice. I step forward, bracing myself to brush by other people, for people to have to purposely walk around me in order to avoid the fat oozing from my body. I know I'm in the way. I've only been crossing for a few seconds, and already my sides have grazed past so many people. I have to get out of here. My blood is roaring in my ears, and every inch of my skin feels like it's on fire from embarrassment.

"You okay?" Naruto says.

"I'm in everyone's way," I mutter.

"Well, there are a lot of people here." He looks around. "It's only natural we have to walk around everyone else."

"But I'm taking up too much space."

"What?"

"Forget it," I say. I did it. I made it across the street. I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand and sigh. It shouldn't be so stressful just trying to cross the street. This means I have to work harder. I still have a lot of weight to lose, and I have the self-control to get there. I rip my wrist away from Naruto's hold and continue walking. I'm fine.

As we walk further away from the Scramble Crossing, the streets get quieter, but they're still busy with commuters. There's a popular clothing store down the road from here that should have my size. I dread having to undress and try on clothes, but this is the best opportunity. As we continue walking, I take my phone out of my sweater pocket and tap the screen. Still no new notifications.

"Have you heard from Itachi?" I ask.

Naruto shakes his head. "Not since we were at the airport in Vancouver. Why?"

"Nothing." I shove my phone back in my pocket. "I just haven't heard from him in a while."

"Maybe he's busy?" Naruto says as he looks behind us.

"I guess." But he had the time to text Naruto.

We continue walking until the clothing store is in sight, and already I can feel my heart pounding. I only need to get a few pairs of pants and some shirts, so it shouldn't be so difficult. I look ridiculous drowning in clothes that have stretched out so much, wearing belts I've had to make holes in. Just get in and get out. Ignoring the salespeople who greet us, I gravitate toward the L sizes and grab whatever looks okay. I don't want to spend too much time figuring out whether something fits me or not, whether it looks any good, whether it emphasizes how fat—

I tighten and hold my breath. Naruto's hand is on my shoulder.

"Are sizes in Japan really that small?" He knits his brows. "You look like you'd take a smaller size."

My heart starts pounding. Really? Now that I think about it, I usually take an S size in Japan. Based on the scale, I've only gotten smaller than that...but I feel so fat. Disgusting. I can't believe I'd take an S, and an XS seems out of the question. Logically, I should at least try both.

Getting fat, huh?

I push that voice out of my head and grab some S and XS clothes, as well as some belts. My stomach and chest are both so tight that it's a struggle to breathe. Why? Why is everything so hard? I rush into the changing room and take a deep breath. Just breathe. You're going to be okay. I undo my belt and jeans, revealing dark scars on my stomach. I grab my stomach. This stomach, this flesh, this fat is why everything is so hard. Forget a flat stomach. I need a concave stomach to make up for all of this.

Calm down, Sasuke. You can't react like this over a pair of pants.

I take the S pair of pants and slide them up my hips. They fall right back down to the floor.

My mind is so tired from trying to figure this out. I gaze at my reflection, trying to see only 93 pounds of myself, but it feels more like 393. Is there something wrong with me? I don't understand.

Sighing, I try on the XS pair instead. They still threaten to fall from my hips, but they fit slightly better. They'll be fine with a belt, so that's done. I throw my own pair of jeans back on to hide my stomach away, then try on the shirts. Somehow, I still look like I'm drowning in the S size, but XS is all right. Fine. I'm done.

I use the crumpled clothes I tried on as padding so I can sit on the bench comfortably. Finally. I'm just so sore, so tired, and nothing I do makes any of this better. I'm not sure why I'm still trying. Maybe I should have given up and frozen to death back then.

There's a knock on the door. "Are you almost done, Sasuke?"

I stand and swing it open, only for Naruto's eyes to widen. "You look green," he says.

"It's the lighting." I brush past him. It's done. I don't have to think about buying clothes again for a while. I can relax.

Naruto keeps talking as we walk to the cash register. "So where to now?"

"I don't know. It's not like I remember where anything happened," I say as I put the clothes on the counter.

"You don't have any guesses?"

I take out my credit card as the salesperson starts scanning my clothes. "No. I only remember a dark alleyway."

"That could be anywhere," Naruto says. "Do you think it would be around here?"

"Anywhere within an hour of the school, probably."

"We should just walk around then." He smiles at the salesperson as she hands me my bag of clothes. "Walk until we see anything that makes you remember."

"It's not going to happen, Naruto," I say as I take my purchase and start walking out of the store. "For all we know, that alleyway doesn't even exist anymore. We could explore the entire city, and nothing will make me remember."

"If that's what you think, then why did we bother coming all the way to Japan?"

The morning sun hits my face, and I can't say anything. He's right. I'm the one who decided to come here. I'll never get any closure until I fill in that gap in my memories.

"We're walking around until we find something," Naruto declares as he keeps his pace with mine. "We can't give up that easily."


"Hey, are you getting hungry?"

Anxiety surges inside me, and I break into a cold sweat. I knew Naruto was going to ask me that question sooner than later. We've been walking around Shibuya for hours, and we've found nothing but endless buildings, shop fronts, and dead ends. I'd be a fool to think he'd skip lunch with me.

"I don't feel like eating," I mutter.

Naruto sighs. "I get that it's a hard day for you, but you have to take care of yourself."

"Fine." There's no way out of this. "We'll pick a restaurant with a replica food display we both agree on."

His eyes go wide with excitement. "Wait, is all that fake food in the store windows real?"

"They're models of the actual menu." I shrug.

"Ooh, what about this place then!?" He points toward the restaurant right beside us. A ramen shop. Noodles only. Too many carbs.

"No."

Naruto's mouth drops, and he looks appalled. "You can't come to Japan without having authentic ramen!"

"Maybe you can't come to Japan without eating ramen, but I can."

He pouts. "Fine, we'll eat somewhere else today, but I'm not leaving the country without having tried ramen."

His problem, not mine.

We pass by another restaurant, and the window is filled with different rice bowls and noodle dishes. Naruto stares at the food longingly. "What about this one?"

I could get a grilled eel bowl, but even then I wouldn't eat any of the rice. Leaving too much food could make him suspicious. "No."

He finally crosses his arms. "Okay, then what do you want?"

I don't want anything, but I have to pick something. Something with as few calories as possible. Something that won't make Naruto harp on me about how I have to eat more. Something safe.

And then we pass by a hot pot restaurant. I scan all the replica food—beef, pork, chicken, then vegetarian options. The tofu one seems safe. Hot pot will also make it harder for Naruto to tell how much or how little I've served myself.

"We'll eat here," I say.

But Naruto stops right outside the entrance and peers inside. "Do you think there's enough people in there?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Naruto hesitates, then shakes his head. "Nothing. We're fine. Let's go."

I shrug and push the door open. Immediately the waiting staff yell out "Irasshaimase!" to welcome us, and Naruto's eyes twinkle. I'm pretty sure Japanese restaurants in Vancouver do this too, but it must be different for him being in another country.

The restaurant is a quiet, Western-style place, but there are enough people eating here that it seems reputable. The waitress shows us to our table quickly, and Naruto is already sitting, poring over the menu even though he can't read any of it. And then there's me. I'm still standing here, worried about sitting on this wooden chair for an hour without visibly suffering. I still need to look at the menu and double check all the ingredients too. Even if the replica food seemed fine, the broth itself could be too fattening. I can't let all my effort go to waste. Am I going to blimp up during my week here? What will Father say when I get ba—

"Are you okay?" It's all Naruto ever asks me.

"Yeah," I slowly lower myself into the chair, hoping to ease the pain. I bite my lip; it doesn't help.

"How about this!?" Naruto picks up his menu and points to a picture of chanko nabe (4). There's no way in hell I'm eating that. I don't even need to read the ingredients to know it has a revolting amount of protein.

I put the bag of clothes onto the chair beside me and scoff, "Only if you want to end up being a sumo wrestler."

Naruto gives me a dirty look. "You're so picky. What would you suggest then?"

I pick up the menu and scan through the ingredients used in the broth. There's nothing unusual or unsafe, and I don't plan on drinking the broth anyway. Satisfied, I turn the menu toward Naruto and point to the picture of the tofu hot pot. "This one."

Naruto doesn't look convinced, but relents. "Fine, I can deal with vegetarian. I forget how health-conscious you are sometimes."

After the waitress takes our order, my heart starts banging against my ribs so loudly I'm sure Naruto can hear it. Now I actually have to eat the food. Relax, Sasuke. It's tofu, shiitake mushrooms, carrots, and nappa. You can eat it. It's safe. You have to eat in order to survive.

Or maybe I'd rather die.

No. I need to stop thinking like that. There was no point in escaping otherwise. I kept myself alive. Things will get better once I achieve my goals.

But I'm the one who can't even sit in a chair without pain.

"Sasuke?"

I blink. The hot pot is on the table. Naruto has already served himself a heaping amount and is staring at me.

So I take my chopsticks and start filling my bowl with the smallest pieces of food I can find. How many calories are in this? And how many am I going to put into my body? With this amount of tofu, it'll be at least one hundred calories. But it's been cooked in this broth, and after counting all the other vegetables, a serving might be three hundred calories? Four hundred? That's so many. I don't want to eat more than five hundred today, and there's still dinner I have to get through. I can't eat all of this. I can leave some in the bowl without it looking suspi—

"Do you want to go back to your apartment?"

Naruto's chopsticks are set on the table, and he's staring at me again. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"It's the six year anniversary of the accident," I blurt out. It's better he knows. Now he's less likely to ask me about food.

His eyes turn sad, and he nods. "I figured it was something like that. I'm sorry, Sasuke. We still have the rest of this week to find your memories if you want to go home now."

"No, I'll keep going," I say as I pick up a piece of tofu with my chopsticks. I hold it away from me in disgust at first, but then brace myself and shove it in my mouth. It's soft from being boiled and slides down my throat easily, but it feels like sludge."

"Okay, but don't push yourself," Naruto says. "So where did you want to go after this?"

"The closest wards around here are Shinjuku and Minato." I attempt to swallow another piece of tofu. My stomach tightens and tries to reject it, but it still makes its way down my throat. "We've walked in a circle and are close to the Scramble Crossing again, so we can take the train up to Shinjuku."

"Oh, I've heard of that place!" Naruto exclaims. My face gets hot whenever his eyes glitter like that. "What's there again?"

"Entertainment districts and government offices, mostly."

"Where do you think you might have gone that day?" Naruto asks while continuing to shove food in his face.

I pick at my lunch. "I didn't have any reason to be there or in Minato. It's just a guess."

"Okay, let's head there as soon as we're done." Naruto grins as he serves himself even more hot pot. He looks so happy to be eating, and I can hardly stand to even look at what's in my bowl. That just means I have more discipline than him. That has to be it.


The train is quiet. It's still early enough that most of the car is empty, so Naruto is sitting, but I'm standing beside him by the door instead. I'd rather not deal with the pain of the seat against my bones, and my stomach already hurts from the food I forced into it. I'd probably feel better if we walked to Shinjuku instead, but the train is faster, and I need to get back to the apartment early enough to study.

"By the way, are you visiting any friends or family while we're here?" Naruto says, and his voice sounds so loud in the emptiness that surrounds us.

I shake my head while making a face at him to shut up. There are still a few people on this train, and I don't want them staring at us. Besides, I don't have any relatives that are still alive, and he'll argue with me if I tell him I never had friends here.

Naruto smiles sheepishly, and we continue to ride in silence. The bag of clothes bounces against my knees every time the train hits a bump, and I'm just glad there's enough empty space for me to fit.

"We get off at the next stop," I say quietly. But when I glance down at Naruto, his face is white. His eyes keep shifting toward the back of the train, and his fists are clenched.

"What?" I whisper.

Naruto shakes his head as he takes out his phone. He types furiously, then shows me the screen.

We have to get off this train right before the doors close.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I give him a look, only for him to start typing again.

We're being followed.

A chill runs through me. I don't understand what he's talking about. Naruto's not playing a trick on me, is he? I don't think even he would stoop this low, not after everything we've been through. Is this why Nii-san told me I couldn't come to Japan? Is this why he called Naruto and not me? Is it…is it…Oro—

No. He's in prison. It's not him this time.

"Okay," I say. "I know this train system better than you. I'll pull your wrist when it's time to run."

My chest feels tight. The PA system is already announcing the next stop, but I can barely hear it over the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. I have to calm down. Breathe. I have my inhaler in my pocket, but I can't make any unnatural movements. I can't even risk looking around the train car to see who's following—

The doors slide open. Naruto stays still, but he's tense. Any moment now. Right after the doors finish ringing and they announce the doors are closing, we go. There's barely anyone on this train or the platform, so the doors won't stay open for long.

Ringing. The doors are ringing. I move my hand as discretely as possible, at first only letting it brush by Naruto's hand. Then, slowly, I latch my hand onto his. It's sweaty and cold like mine.

The doors have stopped ringing, and the announcement is playing. Any second. It'll be all for nothing if we run out a second too soon or a second too late…

Now.

I yank Naruto's hand and run out of the train. I don't even care whether anyone is in our way, whether the station staff are yelling at us, nothing. I just run. Run until we blow past the ticket gate, until the sun hits me in the face, until my legs are crying for me to stop. But slowly, Naruto starts to pull in front of me. I've worked so hard, and he's still faster than me? I'm still too weak. I have to run. My lungs are on fire, and I don't know where we're going, but I have to run. Run, run, run…

Naruto finally slows down and pulls me into an alleyway. As much as I want to let my knees buckle, my body will hate me even more if I fall here. Instead, I drop my bag to the ground and sit on top of it. We're still holding hands. All this time we've been holding hands. Our fingers are interlaced, even if they're white from clutching each other so hard.

But I pull away. This doesn't mean anything to him.

Closing my eyes, I lean against the grimy concrete wall and fight to catch my breath. My body is clammy, and my heart feels like it can't take anymore. I have to relax.

"Where are we?" Naruto's voice sounds so far away.

I try to answer, but I can't; I don't have it in me.

Suddenly I feel body heat next to mine. I peer open my eyes. Naruto's sitting beside me. He's too close.

"We're safe now," he says. "I think we got off on time. I don't see him around either."

"Who?" I pant.

"Some guy has been following us, I think since this morning," Naruto says, his face grim. "He looked pretty shady. Maybe yakuza."

"Yakuza?" That's ridiculous. There's no reason for the yakuza to be following us around. Father has never done any underground business dealings like that…has he?

"I dunno, but maybe this is why Itachi told me to stay with you."

My lungs are slowly starting to cooperate with me. "The yakuza don't usually get involved with foreigners, so that would make sense."

I finally have the strength to push myself up and stagger toward the main road. The street is lined with giant neon billboards, hostess clubs, and bars, though they're all closed until evening. Between that and the red gate at the end of the road…I know where we are. This is not good. We shouldn't be here. I try to look away, but my eyes are fixated on that payphone (4). That green payphone in front of the convenience store.

Something is wrong. A searing pain rushes through my brain, and bile rises in my throat.

"Where are you!?"

"Please come get me."

"Kabukicho (5)," I whisper. The memories are leaking out.

"What?" Naruto says.

"The red-light district. It's not safe here."

"Seriously?" Naruto hastily gets up and follows me out of the alley. He has so much energy you'd never know he just ran for his life. "Do you know the way back?"

Before I can answer, there's a tap on my shoulder. I jolt and whirl around—

It's a police officer. He doesn't look pleased. "What're you kids doing here?"

"What're you doing here? Where are your parents?"

My brain is lashing out at me, and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it back. "We're tourists." I glance over at Naruto to make my point. "It's March Break in Canada."

His face remains stern. "This isn't an area for you kids to wander around in. I'll show you to the train station."

No. Not when my head is about to burst. "Our hotel is down the road," I reply.

The officer frowns, then looks at Naruto before looking back at me. "Fine, but I expect you to head straight there."

I bow at the officer as he walks away, then turn to face Naruto. "It was here."

"What?"

My brain is pulsating against my skull, and it takes everything in me to speak. "What happened that night. It was here."

I take a step back into the alleyway. There's no light, but I can feel something there.

"Stop crying, you little bitch."

I clutch my head in pain. Something is calling me toward that dead end, that darkness. I don't know what it is, but it makes my mind feel like it's inverting and squeezing itself. I can't stay here. It'll swallow me.

No. I want to resist. I don't want to resist. But my feet are on autopilot and take me where I don't want to go. That darkness. The light grows faint as the darkness consumes me, and all I can smell is tobacco and blood.

Blood?

"SASUKE DON'T!"

And then my eyes adjust to the darkness. There's a door. A backdoor to this building. My hand grabs onto the doorknob, but then I pull back. Once I open this door, there's no going back.

I sense Naruto's warmth beside me, and I know I have to open the door. I can't run away. I'm not that pathetic. I need to remember what happened that night in order to understand why everything has turned out this way. Maybe I'll finally have a chance to make things right.

I turn the doorknob…

It's locked.

"Shit," I mutter. "Not after all this."

"S-Sasuke," Naruto's voice sounds shaky, and his face is white. "I think we should get out of here."

"What?"

He points to the ground by our feet. It's a knife. Covered in blood.

"Fucking kid!"

"GET HIM!"

No.

NO.

NO

What have I done?

The memories flood back into my brain and I can't make sense of them. Too many colours, scents, images, blood, too much blood, screechinG, NO NO NONONO


"See you tomorrow, Sasuke-kun!"

I wave back at one of the class representatives—it makes her giggle for some reason—then rush downstairs. That student council meeting took so long that the sun is already going down. I have to hurry in order to make it to cram school on time. There are no teachers around, so I run down the hallway and throw open the classroom door. I shield my eyes from the sun as I grab my randoseru from the cubby, then toss in my notebook and pencil case, but…something is wrong. My bag seems too empty. I rummage through my things and find my phone, wallet, textbooks…

Gone. It's gone. Mom's book. Genji Monogatari.

I double check, triple check, but it's not there. My hands go clammy; Mom will be so disappointed if she finds out I lost her book. But I definitely had it with me today! Someone must have taken it.

I race down the stairs to get my outdoor shoes. Maybe I can catch whoever took my book before it's too late. I fling my shoes off and stuff them in my shoe locker, and as I'm grabbing my outdoor shoes, I notice someone waving to me from the school gate.

"Looking for this, Uchiha?" he shouts. I can't make out who he is, but he's holding a book. Genji Monogatari.

"Give it back!" I yell as I finish stuffing my feet into my shoes.

"You'll have to catch us first!" he sneers as he breaks into a run, and I take off after him. I don't even know who he is, let alone why he would steal Mom's book. I spend most of my time studying, and if I'm not studying, I'm with the student council or music club. But that doesn't matter right now; all that matters is getting Mom's book back.

My feet fly faster than I thought possible. Despite how far ahead that thief originally was, I'm gaining on him quickly. His back gets clearer and clearer, and by the time we reach the main road, I'm only a few seconds behind him. Having to swerve past all the other people slows me down, but it slows him down too, and eventually he's right in front of me. Finally, I lunge forward and grab the boy by his shoulder. He stops, but before I can snatch the book from his hands, he smirks and hurls it across the street.

My heart stops. Mom's book. It's going to land on the street. There are cars coming. I'm too late.

But the book narrowly clears the street and lands on the sidewalk. I sigh with relief; her book is safe. I can still get it. But that's when I notice him. Waiting across the street is another boy in our uniform, and he bends down to pick up the book.

"I said give it back!" I shout at both of them.

"Not until you transfer to another school, Uchiha!" the boy in front of me taunts as the other one takes off with the book. I don't even know who either of them are. At the same time, I spend so much time studying that I barely know my own classmates. Maybe that's why they're doing this.

I sprint down the street, waiting for a break in traffic before crossing, but I already know I've lost. It's getting harder to see the thief as more people fill the sidewalks, and by the time I make it to the other sidewalk, I can already feel my pace slowing down. No. I can't let them take Mom's book away! But I can't even see the boy anymore. He could easily run into a store or the backstreets, and I would never know. No. I have to keep at it. I'll get it back. I have to!

So I keep running. I keep running until my lungs are raw, until my legs don't want to carry me any farther, until I just can't anymore. I don't want to give up, but there's no sign of Mom's book. My legs are shaking, and I double over, panting as I try to catch my breath. My vision is fuzzy, and I…I've lost it. I've lost Mom's book.

I look up at the sky. It's dark. Wait. Cram school! What time is it? I check my pockets, but my phone isn't there. I reach into my randoseru

…I left my randoseru in the classroom.

Where am I?

The sky rumbles, and suddenly I feel something wet on my cheek. Rain. It starts as a trickle, then pours down from the sky. I barely have the energy to drag myself underneath a store awning for cover, and I end up drenched anyway. I could almost laugh. It's a cold, rainy night, and I have no idea where I am. I don't have my randoseru, my phone, or even my student ID, and I'm probably really late to cram school. I can't even get to my cram school since I don't know where I am. What do I do? Father is going to kill me, and Mom definitely won't be happy either, especially when she finds out about Genji Monogatari. I have to at least find my way home.

I check my pockets; I have one hundred yen. That's more than enough for a phone call from a payphone. After I finally have enough energy, I trudge out from under the awning and follow the main road. If I walk far enough, I should reach a train station eventually. I don't have my train pass with me, but I'll be able to call Mom. Once we figure out where I am, she'll come to pick me up.

But the farther I go, the less I recognize any of the scenery around me. The sky turns black, and I haven't even found a payphone yet. I know they're not as common as before, but still…I need to call home. It's getting really cold out. My clothes are soaked, and my shoes squish every time I take a step. All the stores and neon signs light up the darkness, and there are people everywhere, but…I feel lost. Alone.

"Hey Nii-chan, we've got a hot selection of girls!"

"Come in and snuggle up with one of these babes!"

The air has changed. The streets are lined with men advertising bars and cabaret clubs, and all the lit-up signs are of women in their underwear. Drunk men are jeering as they stride down the sidewalk, and they reek of tobacco and alcohol. I…I think I ended up in Kabukicho. This isn't good.

Finally, I spot a bright green payphone outside a convenience store. My heart skips a beat, and I run up to the booth and shut myself inside it. I dig out the hundred yen coin from my pocket, but I'm shivering so much that it's hard to slide it into the machine. Still, I manage to dial Mom's cellphone number. The phone starts ringing as it waits for Mom to pick up, and—

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Oh, Sasuke!" Mom cries. "Where are you!? Your cram school called me saying you hadn't shown up, and I've been so worried."

"I'm sorry, Mom." I fight back tears. It feels so much better knowing I'm not lost anymore. "My classmates stole your book, and, and—"

"Shh," she says. "It's okay. What's important is that you're safe."

I sniffle. "Please come get me."

"Of course, Sweetie. Where are you?"

"I think it's Kabukicho. I'm at the payphone outside a convenience store. There's a building across the street, and it's the only one that doesn't have any lights on."

"Are there any other landmarks?" she asks.

"I'll look," I say as I peer out the phone booth. "Oh, there's a red gate down the road!"

"The ichiban-gai gate? Okay, I'm on my way," Mom says. "Don't go anywhere! Wait inside the convenience store."

"Okay Mom," I say, relieved. "See you soon."

"See you soon!"

The phone clicks, and I hang up. At least she wasn't mad at me. I know Father will be, but if at least Mom is on my side, it'll be easier. I'm sure Nii-san will convince Father not to punish me.

I go to wait inside the convenience store, but the moment the rain hits my skin, I start shivering again. I forgot how soaked I am. If I go into the store like this, they'll kick me out for getting water all over their floor. I'll have to wait out here. It should be safe as long as I don't get too close to the bars and clubs.

The convenience store door chimes beside me, and a police officer steps out. He looks at me and frowns. "What're you doing here? Where are your parents?"

I bow slightly. "I got lost, but I called my mom, and she's already on her way to get me."

The officer strokes his chin and looks at me for a while, but finally opens his umbrella and holds it over my head. "You shouldn't be alone here. I'll wait here with you."

I'm safe now. "Thank you."

The rain doesn't let up, the sound of it hitting the umbrella deafening. Pools are forming in the uneven parts of the sidewalk, and the officer shuffles his feet, but keeps the umbrella steady. "How did you get lost?" he asks.

I hesitate. "Some kids at school took one of my things, so I chased them trying to get it back."

"Those rascals," he mutters. "Schools shouldn't allow bullying like that."

Suddenly, static sounds from his pants. The officer fumbles through his pockets until he pulls out a walkie-talkie.

"The suspect was seen running near the Kabukicho ichiban-gai gate," a voice says through the static.

"On my way," the officer says before looking at me. "Sorry, kid, but I have to go. Wait across the street under the awning until your mom comes."

I nod, and the officer runs off as he continues mumbling into his walkie-talkie. I make sure to look both ways before crossing the street, then take cover under the building entrance. It's even darker and colder here, and my clothes are sticking to my skin.

"Hey, what's a kid like you doing here?" A voice sounds from behind me. I turn around, and even though the building is still dark, the front doors are open. There's a man standing there wearing a white suit and sunglasses. There's something about him that…scares me. My eyes travel down to his hand. He's missing his pinky finger.

Oh no. Yakuza.

"I'm just taking cover from the rain." I bow deeply. "I apologize. I'll leave now."

"Get your ass out of here." The man jerks his head toward the road.

"Wait." A man in a red suit steps out of the darkness, and before I can react, he grabs me by the shoulder. "This uniform. Ain't it familiar?"

The man in white squints, and then his mouth upturns into a greasy smile. "Oh yeah, I remember. It's from that escalator school down in Shibuya."

"Oho, it's from that school." The one in red snickers. "The boss is gon' be happy with this one."

No! I pull away and break free of the man's grasp, then start running as fast as I can down the street. It's not too—

…it's too late. A large hand grips my shoulder again, but this time I can't get away. I try to scream, but one of the men covers my mouth, and the sound dies in my throat. I fling my legs out and try to kick them, but they drag me down the alleyway beside the building. The lights get dimmer and dimmer in front of me, and I know…I've been kidnapped.

"Stop trying to get away, kid, or we'll knock you out," one of the men says as I keep resisting, keep throwing my limbs around, anything to get away. If they take me now, I might never see the light again.

"We can't hurt him, or we won't be able to set the ransom as high," the other one says.

Ransom? My heart starts beating out of my chest. They're going to hold me for ransom. That at least means they don't want to kill me, right?

"They'll be more desperate to pay if we do hurt him!" One of them laughs. My stomach is in knots, but I still struggle as hard as I can. Finally I feel the back of my foot make contact with one of them.

"Fucking kid!" one of them swears as he removes his grip from my shoulder, but it's not enough for me to break loose. I try so hard to get away, but I can't move—

CRACK

"How could you bring this kid in when he doesn't even have a phone?"

My head is pounding. I try to open my eyes, but the light is too bright, and it makes my head hurt even more.

"He doesn't even have ID! How are we supposed to get a ransom for him when we can't figure out who he is, you fucking idiot?"

"Sorry, boss!"

My blood goes cold. I must be inside the yakuza hideout. They knocked me out. What do I do? Pretend I'm still unconscious? Wake up and give them Father's phone number? I'm scared. I'm so scared, and Father will kill me for getting myself in this situation. I should have gone straight to cram school after the student council meeting.

"Do we chloroform him until we figure out what to do?"

"What, is your brain the size of a fucking turd? We can't get any information on him until we make him talk!"

"Sorry, boss!"

I'm in huge trouble. What do I do? What do I do? My brain is pulsating against my skull, and there's something warm dripping down my face. Blood?

Wait, what about Mom? How long was I knocked out for? She might be looking for me outside the building by now. She must be worried. She'll call the police, and then they'll come looking for me, right? I have to pretend to be unconscious for as long as possible in order to buy time. It'll all be okay.

WHAM

My eyes shoot open. Pain tears through my chest as the man in white rams his foot into me, and vomit rushes up my throat. I try to swallow it, but I can't stop coughing, and it takes everything in me to not throw up. The man grabs me by my shirt.

"What's your name, kid?"

"U-Uchiha," I manage to stammer, still coughing. "Uchiha Sasuke."

"Uchiha, huh?" a voice says from behind him. There's a bald man in black looking down on me. "Now I'm convinced he'll be useful."

FWOOMP

I cough even harder after the man throws me back to the ground. I need to get out of here, but how? I study the room; there's barely anything in here except for four men…five men? I can't see straight. But there's too many.

"Listen up, kid," the bald man says. "You're going to call your daddy right now and tell him to deposit five hundred million yen in our account. And if you don't, we have some customers that would be interested in a young boy like you."

…Customers…? What is he talking about…?

"He means we're gonna pimp you out unless your parents give us the money," the man in red says from the back of the room.

I don't understand what that means…but it means they're going to do terrible things to me, right? My hands start shaking, and I try so hard not to throw up, but my throat is burning.

Suddenly a door slams open, and another man in a suit comes running in. "Boss, we've got an intruder!"

The bald man spins around to face him. "What?"

"It's some lady looking for her kid!"

My stomach lurches, and I can't help it; vomit spews out of my mouth. I start gagging at the smell of my own acid, but my insides won't stop convulsing, and I continue to spill vomit all over the floor. Mom. It's Mom.

Another man struggles to drag in a woman. Her hair is covering her face, so I can't see her, but I know it's Mom. I know those flat shoes, her favourite skirt, that purple blouse.

She lifts her face. Mom.

"Let him go!" she screams, and the man jerks her forward until she collapses onto the ground in front of me. She's drenched in rain, and her whole body is trembling.

"MOM!" I shout, tears spilling down my face.

But her eyes go wide. "Don't hurt him!"

WHAM

Pain bursts inside me again, and I clutch at my chest. My throat is raw from coughing so hard, but there's nothing left inside me to throw up. All I can taste are acid and metal.

"Stop crying, you little bitch," the man in white says. "This is your lucky day."

"Hmm." The bald man crouches and takes Mom's face in his hand. She tries to pull away, but he won't let her. "You're a pretty one, aren't you? It's too bad you're too high-profile to sell."

Mom's face contorts with anger, and she spits with so much force it hits him in the face. Rage flashes across his face, and he stands back up.

"Boys." He wipes his face with his sleeve. "You can have her."

"NO!" She tries to stand, but the other men in the room rush her and pin her to the floor. No! I have to help her! I try to shift my weight, try to stand up—

Everything goes white. Pain explodes in my head, and all I can do is fall back to the floor. No. I can't get up. My vision returns, and I can see Mom screaming, trying to fight them off, but there are too many of them, and…I can't move. I can't help her. I'm useless. All I did was try to get her book back, and now Mom…she's…

I shut my eyes, but I can still hear the sound of fabric ripping, men laughing, Mom crying…

No. I can't let this happen. Even if I can't stand, maybe I can find something that'll help. Anything. All the blinds are lowered, and only half of the fluorescent lights are on. There are some crates, but the room is mostly empty. It's like some kind of warehouse or secret room. But there has to be something in here.

And that's when I spot it. There's a crate near me, but the planks aren't nailed properly, and there's an opening near the bottom. There's something shiny inside…I think it's…a knife.

A knife.

I look back at Mom. I can't see her well because of the men on top of her, but…they're…thrusting and…they're doing something awful to her. I have to save her! I push myself up again, only for pain to shoot through my head. I clutch my temples, wait for the pain to pass, but it doesn't help. Still, I manage to stay sitting upright. Mom's screams pierce the air, and I hold back tears as I slowly drag myself toward the crate. I peek behind me; the bald man still has his back to me.

I get to work. I hold back my tears and my pain as I stick my hand as far into the bottom of the crate as I can. I don't care how the wood splinters rip into my skin. I don't care that the serrated blade is tearing at my fingertips. I have to get this knife out. My fingers stretch as far as they can, trying to slide the knife toward me, and…

Finally. The knife slips out of the crate, but it clatters to the floor.

Oh no.

The bald man turns. He first looks at me, then the knife. He sneers.

"SASUKE DON'T!" Mom shrieks.

Something erupts inside me. I grab the knife, jump up, and lunge toward him. A guttural shout that doesn't belong to me somehow comes out of my mouth, and I plunge the knife into his chest. There's resistance at first, but I push even harder, and the knife goes all the way in. A bloodstain blooms around the knife, and the man staggers backward. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. And then the light fades from his eyes. His knees buckle, and he falls to the ground in a heap.

I…I killed someone. I killed someone.

"Boss!"

There's shouting coming from all directions, but it's noise. It's all noise. Static. Blood. Blood everywhere. I killed someone. I killed someone.

"Fuck you!"

"GET HIM!"

"SASUKE!"

I feel someone yanking my wrist, and my head snaps up. It's Mom. Her hair is disheveled, and her cheeks are stained with tears, but she's still here. She's alive. She's okay.

Before I can even think, we bolt out of the room. My head is screeching in agony, but my legs somehow keep moving, and eventually I feel the coolness of the rain on my skin. My eyes sting with tears, but we're going to make it. Mom stumbles—she's missing a shoe—but she doesn't fall. Finally, I see our BMW up ahead.

"Get in the car, Sasuke!" Mom shouts as she pulls open the door and races to start the car. She speeds off before I even finish buckling my seatbelt.

"W-we're going to be okay, Sasuke," Mom stammers. "We got away. Just breathe. We're going to be okay."

But she's speeding faster than ever. Cars keep blaring their horns at her, and even with the windshield wipers going, it's hard to see from all the rain. She doesn't even have her seatbelt on.

"Mom, you need to slow down," I say as I click my seatbelt. It's stained with the blood from my hands, blood that isn't my own. That's right. I killed someone. I killed someone.

I killed someone.

The car swerves, and my surroundings come into focus again. Mom's knuckles are white from clutching the steering wheel, and she keeps weaving between lanes.

"Mom, we're going to crash if you don't slow down!"

But she doesn't respond. "We're almost home," she whispers, and her hands start shaking as we blow through a red light at the intersection.

I stare at Mom's profile. There's a white glow behind her. It keeps getting brighter and brighter.

It's too bright. It's a truck.

The last thing I see before the light overpowers me is Mom trying to smile.

"MOM!"

CRASH


This…this is not what I was supposed to remember.

Everything…everything really is all my fault.

I've made a terrible mistake.


(1) Modern Japanese baths are automated and have electronic panels to control them. They have options for things such as steam, water volume, and temperature.

(2) Randoseru are Japanese backpacks most commonly used by elementary school children. They're durable and usually made of leather, which makes them expensive.

(3) Chanko nabe is a type of hot pot typically eaten by sumo wrestlers in order to help them gain weight.

(4) Pay phones are still relatively common in Japan and can be found in places like convenience stores and train stations.

(5) Kabukicho is in Shinjuku and has the highest crime rate in Japan. It's known for a lot of yakuza activity, cabaret clubs, drinking, and prostitution.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I've continued writing scenes involving fainting and issues with food because I want to emphasize how never-ending, how tiring this is for Sasuke. Unfortunately, this is just life. I tried to simplify the writing slightly for the flashback as well to represent Sasuke's age.