"OK, Girl talk!" Black Star crowed as he dropped next to Soul on the couch.
"We're guys," Soul answered absently as he toyed with the controller.
"That's sexist," Black Star groaned. "Just fucking spill already."
Soul smirked, "About what?"
That received a firm fist to his shoulder from Black Star.
"Fuck's sake," Soul growled before rubbing at his shoulder. "You're abusive."
"You know it's out of love," Black Star cooed back before ruffling Soul's hair. "So?"
"I already told you what happened at the party," Soul grumbled before picking up the other controller and trying to force it into Black Star's hands. "Just play the damn game."
"Absolutely not." He dropped the controller back in Soul's lap. "And sure, the party, the fact that she kissed you still boggles my fucking mind but it's been like two weeks now, right? What else?"
"If you're asking me to kiss and tell, I won't." But it was more so touch and tell if anything at all. Kissing was common, but the practice that he'd assigned himself was becoming an every-time-they-met activity and he had to admit he savored every moment of it. As if he'd tell Black Star, but just last night he'd finally gotten the nerve to brush, as soft as could be, across her breast, waiting for some kind of admonishment or, worse yet, fear but got a sweet sigh instead. She, unfortunately, refused to put that one into words, a blush on her cheeks that he would never forget.
"No, I'm asking about your deal, dummy," Black Star sighed. "I can probably take a good guess at how far you've gotten, but I want to know if you've spilled yet."
The temperature of his thoughts instantly turned as his fingers gripped tighter into the plastic. "She's touched on some things."
"But you, you haven't said anything?" Black Star prodded.
A shuddering sigh left his lips. "No, that's still not…"
Black Star rolled his eyes, collapsing back on the couch with as much drama as he could muster. "So you're planning on never having sex, then?"
"Oh, fuck off," Soul growled.
"Come on, man," Black Star added another eye roll. "It's a natural activity. You know you want to, but-"
"But if she sees that shit she's going to flip." Soul's voice crumbled into a squeak as he tossed the controller. "And what if she's not ready to even be touched? You know more about what happened to her than I do."
"Don't turn this on Maka." Soul was surprised by the harshness in Black Star's voice, his own little rumble of protectiveness. "You need to get this out in the open, just like you promised."
"Fuck." Soul let his head fall into his hands.
Black Star let his hand fall on Soul's shoulder, tugging at him. "I'm not saying rip off your shirt or anything. Start a conversation."
"How?" Soul raised his head, his eyes desperately searching Black Star's. "I mean, we both know it still doesn't make any sense to you, so how is Maka, my new girlfriend that hasn't even known me a year, going to wrap her head around it?"
"It doesn't have to make sense," Black Star scoffed. "Because you're fucking right I don't get it, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. So give Maka the same chance."
Soul still felt his gut withering, mouth pulled into a deep frown. "But you loved me before all that shit. She doesn't have that."
Black Star shook his head slowly, an amused laugh trickling from his mouth. "You're stupid."
"Fuck off," he muttered.
"No, really, a complete idiot." Black Star jostled him again. "I thought I already told you, she's in love with you. Maybe neither of you has the guts to say it, but she's already in hook-line-and-sinker. You show her this and I swear it's not going to change a thing."
"So I have to."
"Dude, you already made that lame-ass deal, of course, you have to." There was the temptation to hug him, something Black Star rarely gave in to. Instead, he offered another ruffle of Soul's hair. "But again, start small. Talk to her."
Soul sighed, "Can't get easier than that."
Maka was laying on her back, Soul's fingers dragging against her collarbone again. "You've done that one," she grinned.
"Still goosebumps?"
She hummed back an affirmative before turning her smile to him. "Try somewhere new."
"Turn your head." He let his finger touch her chin to push her in the right direction and she followed it, her face almost touching the pillow. The bed moved but Maka forced herself still, trusting him even through the clenching of her gut. Soul planted his hand at her side to steady himself before he leaned in, pressing his lips on the cord of her neck. "This?" he breathed out against her skin.
Maka sighed dreamily in reply, her hand blindly searching for him and resting on his side as she refused to move her head. "Again."
His laugh against her skin thrilled her almost as much as the next few kisses that traveled a soft line back to the collarbone he'd just abandoned. "What does it feel like?"
"It makes me feel like…" Maka's hand drifted lower, fingers toying at the edge of his shirt. "I want to touch you, too, Soul."
The breath against her neck hitched and the next press of his lips was slow, trapping his initial rambling fear against her skin. He eased back before whispering, "Maka, look at me."
She did as asked, her eyebrows narrowing. "What is it?"
"Just… keep looking in my eyes, OK?"
A hesitant smile came to her face. "Are you trying to hypnotize me?"
The way he clutched at her wrist tore all the humor from the joke. His lip trembled as he breathed out, "Please, just my eyes."
"Alright." Maka let her hand go limp in his, let him guide it under his shirt to press her fingers into the skin of his stomach. The feeling beneath her fingertips was more disorienting than anything else, a sensation that she couldn't quite place. There were hills and valleys in his skin, thin and numerous as she traced her hand from his belly button to his sternum. She was honestly more concerned with the strain on his face, the way he looked like he was both about to cry but smile at the same time.
For a moment her eyes threatened to dip and he snapped the word from his mouth, "Please." He pressed his hand over hers, stopping the motion right where she could feel the beat of his heart, it racing wildly underneath his tarnished skin. Black Star had told him words, a conversation, but honestly, neither of those were ever his strong suit, so he opted to give her what she wanted, to touch him, even if it would cost him everything.
"It feels different," she murmured.
The word shocked him. Different. Not disgusting, not weird, not terrible, not terrifying, just different.
Maka searched his face, giving time to see if his harsh effort to hold everything in would give way. Instead, he remained mute, simply squeezing her hand tighter into his chest. "Did it happen in the accident?"
"No," he managed to release from his throat.
"Hey," she murmured softly. "Breathe, Soul." It took some effort but Maka pulled her hand out from under his, bringing them both to his face. "Please, breathe."
Soul pulled the air through his teeth, letting the breath shudder back out. As another uneasy breath came from his lips she rolled towards him, pushing him off his side and onto his back. His arms instantly wrapped around her, refusing to let her get away even though it was the last thing on her mind.
Maka pressed her body against him, a strange euphoria at the moment that was instantly squashed by the new wave of pain on his face. "Can you tell me?"
Another withering breath left his mouth. "I did it."
"Soul…" She reached up a hand and smoothed his hair, wishing there was a way to transfer comfort directly from her fingers. "And you're afraid to let anyone see?"
"If you see it," he grimaced, resisting the urge to just silence himself completely. "It's disgusting. It's too much and you're never going to… you won't be able to take it."
Maka's eyebrows narrowed, her voice suddenly booming at him in that peeved tone she usually reserved for Black Star's idiot antics. "That's not fair."
"What?" Soul blinked, barely being able to register the annoyance she was flinging at him.
"You're making decisions for me," Maka griped. "How do you know I can't take it?"
"Maka," Soul's voice was soft with disbelief. "It's not normal."
"Nothing's normal," Maka sighed. "Also, what plan did you have other than me rejecting you?"
Between the irritation in her voice and the question, Soul found himself completely stumped. He gaped a few times before finally letting his incredulous answer go, "You see it and you leave. You don't see it, you still think I'm fucking weird, and you leave."
"I don't like either of those options." Maka started to pull herself away, feeling the frantic way he grabbed hold. She was able to get to sitting but he was coming with her, fingers still pressed into the skin of biceps. "I'm going to see it and I'm going to stay."
"Maka…" he groaned desperately.
"I'm sorry." She rubbed a hand over her face, slowly clearing the annoyance with her touch. "I'm not… I'm not saying you have to. Our deal is still on, and if I have to work to get you to show me, I will, but I'm not OK with you thinking you know what I'm going to do. You told me to trust you, so I want the same thing. Trust me."
"Not today," he croaked.
Maka eased forward, pushing his back against the wall as her chest pressed against his. "Not today, then, but now I need you to look me in the eyes."
"Maka…" He forced his eyes to meet hers.
"It's different, but as far as I'm concerned we're even." She pressed her hand to his chest, trying to let the joy of being this close again overtake her, filter into her words. "Your scars we can see, mine we can't. That hasn't stopped you, and it won't stop me."
Again, words were never his strong suit, dissolving in his throat as it closed to force back a sob. Instead, he brought his hands to her face, cupping her jaw to bring her lips to his. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"You're not allowed to apologize," she grumbled back as she pulled his hands from her face. "Just tell me what this feels like." As she pushed his hands down between them, Maka leaned in and began a line of kisses from just below his ear to the collar of his shirt.
"Like I need you," he whispered desperately. "Like I want this to never end."
Serena was trying not to let it turn into a panic, keeping it just at bay as dizzying anxiety. Soul was coming to the office, and that wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary. She was the one that made that deal in the first place, that if he wanted to live on his own he needed to check-in at least once a week, come out into the bright sunshine and fresh air to trek to the building just to say one or two syllables to his mother or father. He'd followed it loyally, too, although he was more likely to see his father than her, a painful reminder that she hadn't been the perfect mother to him.
Today was different, though. He'd called her, arranged an actual time rather than just appearing so he could get lost in the bustle of meetings and clients. Not to mention he'd made sure it was noon, necessitating her to order food and anticipate a lunch date with her son. Scott had oddly begged off, giving her an even stranger cryptic reply of, "You enjoy some time with your son," before making sure to schedule a meeting in the same slot. The struggle against the developing concern seemed endless.
That is, until Soul walked into the office, groomed and with a soft smile on his face. She could read his own apprehension but it wasn't exactly worry but more nervous embarrassment, a little bit of rosiness starting on his cheeks immediately as he walked in. "Hello, darling," she cooed, offering him a hug that he accepted, those usually motionless hands giving back what he was receiving.
"Hey, Mom." He didn't let the hug last too long, instead drawing a hand over the spread she'd put out on the conference room table. "Is the whole office joining us for lunch?"
Serena huffed before sitting down in one of the conference chairs. "Well, I assumed what you didn't eat I might be able to talk Black Star and Liz into finishing."
He followed her lead but sat across from her, hands folding behind his head as he eased the chair back. "That's right, you're a tight crew now, huh? Black Star told me he talks to you weekly," Soul raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"And Liz just about every other day," Serena added. "And I will embrace the guilt of being a nosey mother especially since Black Star was more about keeping tabs on you, but you know Liz could use some mothering."
"Yeah," he sighed as he tried to blow off the dark voice whispering in his ear about his own needs for mothering. That's not what I'm here for. "About keeping tabs, mom…"
Serena slipped a hand to her mouth as a precaution, her habit of instantaneous replies often driving her sons in the opposite direction of her intention.
"Look," Soul let his eyes drift away from her, focused on the grain of the table, "I know you saw something the other morning, after the party."
Something is right, she wanted to snap but let her fingers reign it in. "Your father and I did."
"Well, that's…" How many times did he practice this in his head? Even with that all of the words turned to sand in his mouth, making him pause for breath as if that would bring them back to life. "So, I guess, just what you assumed is probably right."
Serena blinked at her son before letting out a soft, breathy laugh. "How about a simple yes or no? What I assumed is that you're with her, Maka Albarn. Am I correct?"
"Yes," Soul mumbled. "But-"
"And it's going well?" Serena leaned forward, reaching her hand out to her son.
All the argument he had expected that he prepped for wasn't there, and he suddenly found himself floundering against such a mundane question. Without thinking, he took her hand to anchor himself into the normalcy of the conversation. "You know the first time you met her? When I told you I was in trouble?"
Serena smiled softly, focused on the connection of their fingers. "Yes, but I assume you apologized."
"I did, and since then, I just… Mom, I'm not keeping secrets from her. She knows about Wes, about the hospital, about, well, most of the stuff." Not all, since he still hadn't had the guts to let her see, just touch and what agony that was. But definitely an agony he wasn't going to share with his mom.
First, there was the wave of jealousy again that she was quickly able to squash, but the sudden urge to cry was more difficult and Serena found herself pressing her hand to her mouth again. "That's wonderful, darling. That's really…" It was impossible to fight against it and the tears hit her cheeks.
"Mom," Soul was squeezing her hand, the anxiety of telling her fading away in the face of her tears.
Serena cleared them from her face as she put on the smile she always reserved for him, the one that had only appeared after he was born. "I'm just worried," she refused to let her voice falter into a whisper. "Foolishly worried." Serena pulled her hand away from his, using it to clear the tears from her cheeks. "But I'm bound to be that and I'm already feeling awfully nosey. So I'll insist that you tell me what she's like."
"You met her," Soul offered quietly.
"Yes, but only twice and only for a second each time," she reminded as she leaned on her elbow, that smile widening. "At least three facts that I don't know, please."
Soul brought his hand back to fidget at the wrinkles in his pants. This line of questioning tossed his stomach like a ship at sea. He'd never had to put her into words, form her into anything other than what she was because how could he? And how lame would it sound if he admitted that the best way he could describe her was she was that feeling that you got when the sun hit your face for the first time? "She goes to school with Black Star and Liz. They've actually been hanging out the past year."
Serena raised a finger in reply, her smile pleasantly stretching.
Soul's eyes focused on the table, drifting from dish to dish. "She's teaching me to cook for myself."
"Oh," Serena cooed. "Really?"
"Yeah," he couldn't help the dreamy smile pulling up the corner of his mouth. "I made her lunch the other day."
If Soul had been looking at Serena he would have noticed a new glow, much of that worry starting to be shelved. "And you didn't burn down the kitchen?"
"Made a mess," Soul chuckled, "but no fires." He took a second to meet her eyes and found that he desperately wanted to feed her smile. "I guess last is she works at a bookstore. I'm pretty sure if she could she'd just read all the time. You leave her alone for a second and you come back to always find her with a book in her lap."
Serena chuckled softly, "How does that go with your movie obsession?"
Soul shrugged, "I thought it was impossible but she can tune it out. Once her eyes are on that page she's gone." He let a few memories drift over his mind, the way it felt to have her pressed against him, the book almost in his lap so she could put her head just right on his shoulder.
Serena knew how the next line would fall but couldn't stop it from leaving her lips, "And you, darling, you're happy?"
This was always the hardest question, happiness such a muddled word for Soul. That was a slippery, intangible thing for him, but had he felt it since she came around? "I think I can be," he murmured.
She only offered a thoughtful hum in reply. "Alright, I tortured you enough. Will you eat or…?"
"I'll stay, Mom." This succeeded in exploding the grin across her face, leaving Soul to bask a little in the glow and the thought that regardless of the awkwardness he'd offered her a part of his life again.
Serena allowed for his silence, filling it with jumbles of information she'd compiled since the last time they had met. Soul chewed thoughtfully through each one, offering only his regular monosyllabic replies in return. The reports began to run dry and Soul fidgeted in the subsequent quiet, no comfort in the lack of his mother's melodic voice.
Soul finally cleared his throat, offering his hand back to her. "Mom, the thing with Maka…"
Serena tried to hold it in, tried to focus just on the renewed touch with her son.
"I think," he huffed, trying to find some of the courage that he had thought he'd come in the room with. "I want to talk to you, too, Mom. I know I didn't give you the chance, and I should, so I want to try."
A trembling breath left her lips. "I didn't exactly give you a reason to," she murmured as she squeezed his fingers in hers. "But, please, let's try."
