AN: Happy Sunday! Extra happy Sunday because you all are getting two chapters today. I thought it would be mean to make you wait between the chapters and also, there wasn't like a good stopping point that I'd be comfortable leaving a week between, so it just worked out this way.
Anywho, I hope you enjoy!
Lily didn't want to jump to any conclusions.
That's the only thing that she'd decided come the end of the day.
She was walking toward her room when she'd decided that she needed to talk to Bertram.
She was in her room when she decided that she definitely didn't want to do that tonight.
Amelia and Gwen were tidying up and she asked one of them to fetch her dinner.
"Are you sure, ma'am?" Gwen asked, holding Amelia's arm so that she couldn't rush off to get the food. "Dinner is being served downstairs in a half an hour, ma'am."
Lily sighed. "I know, but I don't feel as though I'm up for a family dinner just now."
"Would you like one of us to go and find, Ms. Mary?"
Lily shook her head and sat down on her couch. "No, I'd just like some time to myself, I think. And some dinner please."
Gwen regarded her for a moment and then nodded. "Alright, I'll go and get you some dinner. I'm sorry you're having a rough day, ma'am."
"Thank you, Gwen." Lily smiled. She and Amelia both left the room and Lily toed her shoes off and pulled her legs under her. She knew that she'd be more comfortable if she put her pjs on, but she just wasn't in the mood at the moment. She didn't feel as though she had the energy to walk across the room and get her pajamas. She didn't even think that she had the energy to reach for the remote so that she wasn't sitting in silence. She was glad that Amelia or Gwen had thought to replace the one that Mary had chucked out the window.
She took a deep and heavy breath.
James had known that Lily had had feelings for Bertram the entire fucking time.
And he'd also known that Bertram was trying to get Lily to abdicate the throne by taking advantage of those feelings and he hadn't told her.
Bertram did want the throne. And he was trying to get her to call off her wedding with James so that he could step in and take her place.
If James was to be believed.
And the more she thought about it, the more she started to think that he was to be believed. She'd been confused about his short temper after they'd gone to the schools on Friday, and she'd sensed that Bertram was playing coy when James had been outside her room and Bertram had been leaving. And then there was the issue with the paper his uncle owned and Rosier knowing more than he should.
She could really only be glad that she'd come to the realization that she didn't really like Bertram before she found out that he was trying to use her.
For some reason though, she still wanted to cry about the entire thing.
Her phone was buzzing in her pocket, but she didn't want to talk to Mary or James, and she was sure that it was one of them texting her. She set her phone on the coffee table and pushed herself up, forcing herself to go over to her closet and change. She would not sit on her couch and cry about a boy that she'd didn't give two wits about.
As for James?
Well she didn't quite know how she felt just then. She'd have to sleep on it.
Mary MacDonald: Skipping dinner I see? Would that have something to do with the two sad boys that are down here and glaring at one another every so often? Gran and I are curious.
Lily Evans: I think you were right about Bertram. I just need some time to myself tonight.
Mary MacDonald: I can respect that if I must. I am sorry about Bertram though. I didn't want to be right.
Lily Evans: I know.
Mary MacDonald: Why does James look like a kicked puppy?
Lily Evans: I don't know if I'm mad at him or not. He knew that Bertram was trying to pull one over on me and he didn't say anything.
Mary MacDonald: Should I glare at him for you?
Lily Evans: No.
Mary MacDonald: Too late. I glared at both of them.
Lily Evans: Well don't say anything. I don't know how I want to play this yet.
Mary MacDonald: Alright. Let me know if you need a sounding board or copious amounts of chocolate
James Potter: I was hoping that later would mean after dinner
James Potter: Or later this evening at least
James Potter: Alright, goodnight. I'll see you in the morning.
James Potter: I am sorry
Lily Evans: Goodnight. We'll talk tomorrow.
Lily Evans: That sounded more ominous than I meant it to. I need a phrase that means the same thing but with like, half the ominous vibe
James Potter: Thank you for clarifying. My heart stopped for a minute. See you in the morning
Lily woke up the next morning feeling as though she'd been having strange dreams all night. She pulled her laptop into bed with her and got to work on answering emails and re-drafting the speech that she would be giving that evening.
She sighed after answering just a few emails, remembering just how busy and long today was going to be. At least parliament was on recess because of the parade. That was one thing she didn't have to worry about.
After she'd finalized her speech, she emailed it to Emma to proofread and then closed her laptop and got up. She didn't know what they would have her wear for the photo shoot, or even where they were going to get pictures done, but she didn't want to talk to Bertram while she was in her pajamas, so she went into her closet and pulled out a pair of old jeans and a jumper. She always felt most like herself when she wore clothes from back home. And today, she really needed to feel like herself.
She slipped on a pair of trainers and pulled her hair into a loose bun and did a once over in the mirror before she decided she was good to go. She needed to keep her nerve with her today. She was going to need it.
It was still early, thanks to her anxiety about everything going on, she didn't have a hard time getting up. When she checked her watch, she was surprised to find that it was only seven forty-five though.
Breakfast started at eight, so hopefully Bertram would already be up. She really didn't want to wake him up.
She didn't really want to go to his room either, but she really didn't want to have this conversation in front of other people. She already felt like a fool for having trusted him at all, and now that she thought that he might be trying to pull the wool over her eyes, she didn't want any witnesses to that. James already knew, and he hadn't told her.
She didn't know how she felt about that.
She walked quickly through the halls and then knocked on his door with three sharp raps.
She was surprised at how quickly the door was pulled open, and then Bertram was standing in front of her. For a moment, he looked confused, but then a smile started to come over his face. It was a dopey smile, a 'I'm genuinely happy to see you' smile. It was a 'James misunderstood something' smile.
And even as she stood there, basking in the warmth of Bertram's million-dollar smile, even as she let herself feel a bit taller because he was giving that smile to her, she knew that James wasn't wrong. Because even though she liked the smile, and even though she wanted him to keep smiling at her, the bad feeling in her gut was still there. The one that had been there since the beginning. The one that she had tried to convince to go away.
And she trusted James. Especially since he had told her what her gut had been trying to tell her since the beginning.
"Morning," He said, leaning up against his doorframe. "I'm not sure why you're here, but I'm happy to see you."
"I can see that," She smiled back, crossing her arms over her chest, her brain working quickly to put together a plan. She had originally just been planning to call him out right then, but now she wasn't sure. If he knew that his plan wasn't working, he might just try a new plan, a plan that she might not have any control over. If she pretended to go along with this plan, he would think that it was working, and she would be one step ahead of him instead of the other way around.
They stood there smiling at one another for a moment and then Lily shook her head. "I just wanted to ask you if you'd made a decision about working for the children's charity. If you have, I'm going to give Alice your number so she can add you to the next meeting."
He ran his hand along his jaw, "You're not the one who's in charge of those things?"
She shook her head. "I can't be in charge of everything, delegation is key. So?"
"I'd love to help in whatever way I can," He said, and she believed him. She believed that he did want to help the kids. But then his smile was gone, and she knew that he was going to bring up what happened yesterday before he did. And she felt far more ready for it now that she knew his feelings for her were false. Now that she knew she wasn't in danger of hurting him. Not that he'd given her that consideration. "Look, Lily, about yesterday…"
"Bertram, don't worry about it."
"I wouldn't have brought your phone back had I known that James was in your office with you."
"I know," Lily said, and then quickly shook her head. "I mean, it's fine. You can talk to me in front of James. And you didn't need to lie to him. I'm allowed to have lunch with whoever I want."
"I know," He said just as quickly as she had. "I know that, it's just after the conversation we had- or the conversation we didn't have, I wasn't sure-"
"I don't want to keep things from, James. He doesn't keep things from me, and I don't want to keep things from him. That's why we didn't have that conversation yesterday. That's why we're not going to have it." She looked down at her feet and kept her voice quiet as she spoke. She hoped she was playing this right, that he wouldn't see through her. She'd never been the greatest actress.
He nodded, "Are you sure though?"
"What?"
"Are you sure that James isn't keeping anything from you?"
She was thrown for a moment because James actually had been keeping something from her. "I trust him." She said, tightening her arms over her chest as she debated whether or not that was the truth. Did she still trust him? She supposed he'd kept what he knew to himself mainly to protect her. Which was the same reason she hadn't told him about her feelings for Bertram. They hadn't wanted to hurt the other. Though he had been playing with the certainty of her crown, not just her feelings.
"You don't sound certain."
She hardened her gaze and looked up at him, "You don't get to tell me how I feel about James." This came out without hesitation, without thought for how it would sound to Bertram.
He held his hands up, "You're right. You're going to marry him in a couple of weeks, less than a couple weeks, and you can feel whatever you want about him. That's how feelings work."
Lily bit her bottom lip and clenched her fists at her side. "Why do you have to do that? Why can't we just be friends?"
That seemed to be the right thing to say.
Bertram pushed himself off the doorframe and took a small step toward her. "Because I don't want to be friends."
It was the most direct that he'd been with her, and Lily forced herself not to take a step back. "Bertram you know that we can't be more than that," Lily felt as though she was in a soap opera now. He lifted his hand as though he was going to reach out and touch her cheek and she took a small step backward.
"Right," He sighed. "You know, eventually you're going to realize that you can't just keep doing what everyone else wants you to do. Eventually you're going to have to take care of yourself too. You're going to have to do what you want."
And that was probably the entire reason that she'd fallen for anything. He said things that she wanted to hear someone say, mixed in with all the shit that normally came out of his mouth.
"This is what I want," She held out her hand and looked at her ring. "I want to do what I believe is best for my country and my people." She took another step back. "And if that's not something that you're okay with, then I think that your stay here needs to end earlier than planned."
He re-crossed his arms over his chest and watched her for a moment. Then he took a step back and nodded. "If that's what you want, then that's fine."
"It's what I want." She repeated.
"Alright." He leaned against the doorframe again. "Have fun getting your picture taken today."
"Thank you, I will." Lily pressed her lips together and decided to take the dismissal and turned on her heel and started walking away.
Emma found her as she was walking down to get breakfast.
She was wearing glasses that morning, her hair was a bit more wild than it normally was, and when she saw Lily she sighed loudly and pushed her glasses up to the top of her head.
Then she sneezed.
Lily took a step back. "You're not feeling well."
Emma took a deep breath and looked up at Lily, her glasses falling off her forehead and bumping against her nose. She straightened them and then shrugged, "I'm fine. You can't wear that."
"I know that." Lily said. "But I didn't want to eat in whatever you were going to have me wear for the pictures." Emma pulled out her phone and squinted, pushing her glasses closer to her face. "Emma, you can have the day off if you need it." She said, knowing that she couldn't tell Emma to go home. Emma didn't take time off. "Of maybe just a few hours."
"I took something a few minutes ago, it'll kick in soon," Emma waved off her concern and then put her phone in her pocket. "Alright, yes, you can go and eat. I forgot about that. But we're still on track." She shook her head again. "You eat, and then we'll head out. I already have a trailer on site, and we'll get ready there-" She held up her hand and sneezed again. "We'll be back by noon."
"You don't have to come." Lily tried again. "If everything is all set up, you can go curl up in bed with a cup of tea and take a nap."
"I'm fine, it's just a cold."
Lily was doubtful, but she nodded. "Alright, then I'll go and have breakfast." Emma nodded.
"I'll be down in a bit."
Lily was so distracted by Emma that she forgot that James would be in the dining room when she got down there.
And so, she forgot to decide how she wanted to handle things with him.
Instead, she walked in and was surprised to see him sitting in his chair, staring down at his plate, a fork in one hand and his hair in the other.
"Morning, darling," Anita smiled at her. "I see that you decided to take advantage of your morning off." Lily looked down at her clothes and smiled.
"Emma is sick." She said, walking over to the table and kissing her gran on the top of her head before she took her head. "I told her to take the day off."
"She won't. She'll be fine. If she gets worse, I'll send her home. She can't say 'no' to me." Anita reached out in front of her and picked up a small orange pill. "Extra vitamin C." She put it next to Lily's plate.
"I didn't want to ask her anything," Lily picked up the pill and her glass of water. She swallowed and then looked back at Anita. "Where is the shoot taking place?"
"Out near the cliffs. Emma did a great job with the concept. You'll be in maroon and gold and white, and I helped pick out your dresses-"
"I could have helped pick out my dress."
"Dresses. Yes, but I did it for you." Anita tapped the back of Lily's hand with her finger. "Is there a reason that the two of you haven't said a word to each other?" She moved her hand off Lily's and toward James.
Lily took in a breath and sat up straighter before she looked at James. And he looked back at her. She saw the unease in his eyes, the uncertainty and the hope.
He'd lied to her. And it might have been hypocritical of her, since she hadn't been completely honest with him, but she wasn't happy with him. She wasn't angry either, not exactly.
She looked back at Anita and shook her head. "I don't think so." She looked back at James. "Good morning."
His smile was thin and false. "Morning."
"Have you been to the cliffs before?" She asked. She and James needed to talk some more, but she didn't want to do that in front of her Gran, and she didn't want to discuss Bertram with her Gran just then either.
"I have," He nodded. "Sirius and I have actually gone diving off the cliffs."
"Well there will be none of that today." Anita chuckled, "Diving off cliffs, how did that ever become something that people wanted to do?"
James shrugged, and this time his smile was real. "It's fun."
"Good morning, everyone!" Mary walked in much more awake than she normally was at this time. And she was dressed very loudly. "Everyone tell me that they like my outfit!" She spun around as she pranced to her seat.
Her skirt was denim and short, she had bright pink leggings on, a thick, black, jumper, her rainbow Doc Martins again, and her hair was wild and springy with a neon yellow headband keeping the curls off her face.
"When does he get in?" Lily asked, smiling at her best friends.
"Excuse me," She bit her bottom lip and gave Lily a look.
"You look ah-maze-ing." Lily said as dramatically as she could manage. "When is Reggie getting in?"
"Not for hours and hours still, but he could surprise me." She looked over her shoulder toward a plant before she took her seat.
"He's supposed to get in after the parade." Anita answered Lily's question for Mary. "He has a maths exam to take this morning, so I don't think he'll be hiding behind any potted plants." She said this to Mary.
"You never know," Mary shrugged. "He could have just said that to throw us off the trail."
"He could have," Anita nodded. "I don't think he did though."
"That just makes me think that you're in on it." She looked at James, "Right?"
James raised his brow and nodded. "It does sound like she knows something." James looked at Lily, probably confused as to why Mary wasn't glaring at him like she said she had been last night.
And then Mary realized that James was giving Lily a look and gave her a look of her own.
Lily sighed and looked down at her plate.
Why couldn't they just have a nice, quiet day here at the castle?
"I'm excited to meet, Reginald." James said, noticing the questioning look that Mary was now giving him. He managed to distract her, Lily wondered if he'd done that for her or for himself.
"You're not going to be mean to him just because your mate thinks he's a git, are you?"
"Nah, Sirius is a git. I'm sure Reginald is great." James grinned and picked up his orange juice.
"He is." Mary grinned. "He got me these shoes for my birthday,"
"They suit you."
"They do." Mary was done being distracted now and Lily felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She sighed again, not having noticed Mary texting at all.
Mary MacDonald: Have you two not talked yet?
Lily Evans: Can we not do this? It feels like secondary school.
Mary: Well you keeping secrets from me also feels like secondary school
Lily: When did I keep secrets from you in secondary? And you already know the gist of it all
Mary: You didn't tell me that you were a princess for like two weeks after you found out
Lily: That hardly counts
"Girls, put your phones away, please." Anita pressed her lips together.
Mary: That def feels like secondary
Lily: agreed
James face almost made Lily laugh when she looked at him this time. She didn't laugh though, that would have been mean. But she'd never seen him look so unsure of himself before. James was always the calm and confident one of the two of them. He took things in stride and knew how to keep his cool. And here he was, looking as though the top of his head was going to fly off to the other side of the room.
"So what are you going to do all morning?" Lily asked Mary.
"I normally find ways to entertain myself you know." Mary shrugged, filling her plate. "But I'll probably do some homework- or pretend to at least. I'll mostly just wait for Reginald to pop out from wherever he's hiding so I can snog him silly."
"He has a test this morning, Mary," Anita reminded her again.
"Gran, if you keep saying that, she really is going to think that he's coming early." Lily warned, because it did almost sound like she was trying to cover for him.
A while later, Emma reappeared and ushered James and Lily out of the room and toward the front of the castle.
"It's a bit of a drive to the cliffs," She said, her nose making her voice sound even worse than when Lily had spoken with her earlier. "But we won't be there long, everything is going to run smoothly, and we'll be back with plenty of time to get ready for the parade."
"I don't doubt it." Lily nodded, doing her best to keep her distance, but hopefully in a way that didn't make it obvious that that was what she was doing.
Emma must have noticed anyway because when they reached the door, she sighed and turned toward them. "I don't want to get either of you sick, that would be a tragedy this close to everything that's going on. We all have so much to do, but I also don't trust anyone else to make sure that everything goes smoothly today, or I would go home. I'll ride in the front with Moody and I won't touch anything, and I won't breathe on you."
"I'm not worried about getting sick," Lily tried to assure her, but she was worried about it. She'd gotten the flu last year during a state function and Rosier and the men in his pockets had spent the evening bashing her for not being there and caring little for Gryffindor customs and traditions.
She couldn't imagine what they would say now that they were trying to take her crown away.
She wondered what Bertram would do.
Her stomach churned and she smiled at Emma. She should probably tell her what was going on.
Though, maybe when she wasn't sick.
"Alright, he's here," Emma opened the door and waved them out ahead of her. James stayed near her as they walked down the stairs and opened the door for her before Moody could get there. She muttered her thanks and then climbed into the car, glad that Emma hadn't made her change her clothes before they headed out. She'd be much more comfortable in her jeans and jumper than she would have been in a skirt and jacket during an hour-long car ride.
She also thought she might need the extra comfort for the conversation that she knew was coming.
