Chapter Twenty-One: Aang

Her eyes were green.

A shade of green I had never seen before, flecked gold as though just kissed by the sun. I explained to her every single color we came across. She asked me to take a picture of everyone with us next time so she could see their faces.

I felt so normal.

Something I hadn't experienced in over one hundred years. I briefly imagined this is what normal teenagers do in their spare time. Here, in the Spirit Realm, I couldn't bend. Here, it didn't matter if I was the Avatar.

I was just Aang, and I had craved that for so long I forgot what it was like. It was completely different and yet absolutely the same being here with Toph. I never felt like I had something to prove or any pressures at all when I was around her.

With Katara, I always felt I had to validate myself, to show her I could give her what she wanted, it always seemed like I spent more time convincing her she liked me then her deciding it for herself.

That thought alone confused me to my core. Since when did I start comparing these women? 'There are many different types of love young Avatar.' Iroh's words hammered inside my brain searching its relevance.

I love Katara. I loved her from the moment I met her. But as I watched Toph's free spirited smile and listened to an airy giggle I never thought I'd hear, I absentmindedly wondered if I knew this woman at all.

This rock hard, stubborn, earthbender was practically floating on wistfully crafted clouds high above the element she manipulated. Her giddiness was contagious and I watched her emerald eyes shine bright as she comprehended every single color.

I had never seen Toph so carefree in all the time I knew her. The war forced us to grow up so quickly and her parents isolated her from any proper childhood she could have potentially had.

When I first met her she had this defense mechanism. She still does. As soon as she gets uncomfortable she hides away in her shell of harsh insults and blunt truths.

Her pretty face fell when I let her know we had to get back to Iroh. But she perked up right away when I told her we'd come back and see if she remembered the colors I told her about.

I sat in a meditative position and kept my hand tight around her own as I transported us back to the physical world. A slight sigh left her mouth and I watched as she happily wiggled her toes.

"Aang, what's your favorite color?" The question took me off guard but I responded with the first one I thought of.

"I've always loved the color blue." She didn't respond just as Iroh wandered around the corner, pot of tea in hand. He embraced Toph and she recalled her time in the spirit world with him.

While they spoke I wondered when I began to fancy the color blue. I wondered if it was for the sky, surrounded by my element, or if it was like the ocean, if it was like her.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Why would a guy like him even be interested?" Her airy tone from the Spirit World had all but dissipated, she sounded so...grounded.

But her statement was what really set me off. "Don't do that Toph. Don't discredit yourself for him."

Her head whipped over in my direction and I stared intently into her blank eyes, remembering the vivid green they were only a moment ago.

"I should have known better, Aang, what kind of man would actually want me?"

Her walls were up and she was slowly cocooning herself, slipping deeper and deeper to a place not even Iroh could reach.

"How do you not know your worth after all of this, Toph!" My voice was raising and my arms reached out expressing my irritation.

She slipped into a fighting stance, her cheeks stained red in frustration as long ebony hair swung in her face, I wanted nothing more than to push it out of her unseeing eyes.

Her fists clenched, "I can't even fucking see." She gestured to her wide eyes, the ghostly pale shade giving her ailment away.

I found myself in a defensive stance when I felt the earth beneath me shift. "No man wants me for me, they want the metalbender, they want the Avatar's teacher, they want the heir to the Beifong estate! They sure as fuck don't want a little blind girl!"

"I do, Toph!" her face went from furious, to confused, to outraged. I couldn't stop the pillar of hard rock from colliding with my chest. My back crashed through the solid wood frame of the house then I was outside staring at the stars.

I bent a pocket of air on the ground just before my body had the chance to smash into it. But Toph wasn't done, I watched as she gracefully flung herself through the air and landed in front of me.

"You don't get to do that! You don't get to say things like that!"

I couldn't tear my eyes away as she built walls around us. I wasn't sure if it was to keep us in or to keep others out. Either way as she pulled her foot backwards I anticipated her next move and sent a blast of air into her.

After all this time she still couldn't figure out how to defend herself against my airbending. Toph's lithe body slammed harshly into the wall she created and I watched as she fell to her hands and knees, palms outstretched in front of her.

Toph was breathing heavily. But I didn't move to her, I didn't try to console her, I didn't do anything but stand there. I looked down at my feet, feeling defeated. 'Was what I said so terrible?'

But when I glanced back up at Toph and she was gone. How could she have slipped away so easily? I looked away for only a moment.

I slammed my foot down on the grassy earth, but when my seismic senses finally detected her she appeared right beside me, having gone directly under the earth to get to me.

I was so enamored I did nothing to defend myself when she sent my body into the wall behind me. Before I could do anything she stood smack dab in front of me.

"She wouldn't want you saying those things to another woman. You don't get to pretend to want me like that, Aang. You have priorities to-"

I kissed her. Holy Spirits I was kissing her. Her body froze underneath my touch and after five seconds of her not responding whatsoever I pulled away.

I found my tongue subconsciously tracing my lips, it was herbaceous but sweet like the lychee berries that grew at the Southern Air Temple.

Her eyes were closed, her body tense, shocked even. When they opened, even though she couldn't see me, I felt like she was looking directly at me. Into me.

She didn't want that. She didn't want me to kiss her. I stood there awkwardly waiting for her to gut me right then and there.

Toph opened her mouth before closing it again, like she was going to say something but thought better of it before ultimately speaking in a voice that didn't belong to her,

"How dare you…"

Words laced with venom. With Toph's weight on her heels she looked at me once more before turning on them and walking into the house.

I stood there for a long time, trying to understand why in the world I would do that. But the longer I thought about it the more I began to realize.

Not only was I physically attracted to her, but she had a large heart and a fierce sense of loyalty that did not waver.

And she was the only person on this planet who seemed to enjoy the company of just Aang. Katara seems to like me, but her affections only came after I defeated the Fire Lord.

After the Avatar defeated the Fire Lord. I don't think just being Aang would ever be enough for her. Not truly.

But Toph understands me better than anyone. She knows what it's like to only be wanted for her prowess, and even just for her family's fortune. She has so many reasons to be desired besides the one that truly matters to her.

She spent so long under her father's roof unable to be herself, unable to bend and just be free. Even her own family was blind to who she really was.

To what she really wanted.

When Chenlei took her I immediately sent myself into the spirit world. Toph couldn't bend there and therefore, she couldn't see at all.

Once I finally found her and defeated him she looked me dead in the eyes. Her foggy grey orbs were a brilliant green and she stared at me so long and with so much intent that I believed she thought I'd disappear.

It's as if I met her for the first time all over again. The way she looked at me made me flush, like Azula shot me with lightning again.

And when my lips met hers, I felt the sparks zing their way across my body once more. Humming past my lips and down my spine all the way to my toes.

But as I caught my last glimpse of Toph walking inside the house I knew she felt nothing. And I wasn't sure what hurt more.

Her rejection of what I so clearly offered, or our friendship I so obviously ruined.