Zuko
Worst Parts
This was … awkward. Flying through the air on the back of an air bison should be the most freeing feeling in the world. But even above the clouds, Zuko felt incredibly trapped by Katara's obvious hatred of him. She sat on Appa's head, holding the reins, never once turning to look at him in the saddle. At first Zuko had been excited that she had let him come on this trip, he thought it meant things between them were healing. But the longer she ignored him, the more worried Zuko became. If she still mistrusted him this much, then Katara was beyond caring what happened to herself.
When the sun began to set, he scooched to the front of the saddle. "Katara?" She gave no indication that she heard him. "Hey, we should land, make camp for the night." Nothing. "You should be rested when we meet up with the Southern Raiders."
She turned her chin. "Don't worry about my strength."
Zuko recognized that hard flint in her voice. It was something he had felt, for many years, while hunting the Avatar. It made Zuko sad. But he crawled away from her and did his best to sleep in the air.
They made a good team. Even Katara wouldn't be able to deny that. Their infiltration of the communications tower was seamless. They'd gotten in, retrieved the information, and escaped without alerting anyone in the Fire Nation to their presence. Their attack on the Southern Raiders was even better - an entire crew dispatched and the captain captured. Zuko often told the little voice in the back of his head that harbored hopeful thoughts for his future with Katara to shut up and go away. It was harder, though, when they were obviously such a good match. She had to see it too.
It wasn't until they cornered the captain of the Southern Raiders that Zuko worried he might have made an error in judgement. They battered the captain to the ground. Zuko had his foot on the man's back. But the captain kept his story, pretending he didn't know anything.
"Let him up," Katara said.
Zuko did as he was told. Whatever Katara needed on this venture, he would do it.
The captain nervously pushed himself up. Then his head twisted violently. One arm shot backwards. Awkwardly, the man got to his feet. He shook the entire time. Odd, choking sounds came out of his mouth.
"What?" Zuko glanced back at Katara and saw that her arms were outstretched, her focus on the captain. "Katara? What are you doing?"
"Tell me what happened to my mother!" she screamed.
Tears leaked out of the captain's eyes. He still couldn't move under his own control. All of his limbs and muscles and movements were under Katara's control. Zuko had never seen anything like it. It was - it was terrible. It was awful. Zuko had seen a lot in his life, but this he could barely look at.
Whatever she needs.
This wasn't her. Not who she wanted to be. There would be a day, soon enough, when she regretted the control she exerted over this man. And what would she think of her friend, the partner that didn't stop her, then?
"Katara…"
The captain sagged to the floor. He no longer shook and though he gasped for breath, it was his own body doing it.
"It's not him," she said. Her voice was hollow.
"How do you know?"
"The eyes." She was already turning to leave.
"What was that?" Zuko asked later, when they were in the air again. Katara had joined him in the saddle, letting Appa find the way to their next destination.
Katara didn't pretend to misunderstand his question. She averted her eyes and clenched her jaw.
"It's terrible," she said. "Bloodbending. It was developed by a waterbender, while she was imprisoned. She did horrible things, harmed innocent people. She was a monster. She wanted me to be like her - I guess I am."
"You're not," Zuko said.
When she looked at him, her expression changed for the first time since they had begun their journey. For the first time she gave up the charade that she was a lone wolf. When she looked at Zuko, she needed something from him.
"How do you know?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Everyone's got dark and light inside. Bloodbending - its the darker part of you. But you aren't defined by your worst parts, or your best. It's a combination of all of those things. And… I've seen you. Katara. You're better than your worst impulses."
"Are you talking about me? Or you?" Katara asked. Her blue eyes were bright, challenging him.
Zuko sat back on his heels. This was it. He had to do it. "Katara. I'm sorry. I've owed you an apology for a long time. A really long time. I've been too scared to say it. But, if we're talking about regrets then - my biggest regret is Ba Sing Se."
Katara's expression was unreadable.
"You - when you were put down there with me, you had no reason to trust me, or even to let me live. Even so, we found a way to survive. Together. We relied on each other. And…" Say it. "I broke that. Smashed it. Of all the terrible things I've done in my life, that's the one I worry I'll never be able to make up for."
Katara picked at her nails. When she spoke, she didn't respond to him. She didn't accept his apology; she didn't reject it. "So then what do I do when I meet him tomorrow? What if… what if bloodbending isn't my worst impulse? What if my biggest regret isn't in my past?"
Zuko didn't know if he could touch her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and make her feel safe, for even a moment. But he knew that wasn't a good idea. Not yet. So Zuko put his hand next to hers on the saddle and let her choose. She looked at his hand and looked at his face and didn't move. Zuko felt disappointment swell through his body like a waterfall, but he drained it away. He was good at that.
"Aang is going to have to kill my father," Zuko said. "It's the right thing to do, in this situation, even though it's a terrible act. And… I'm going to have to help him. Kill my father. I may never be forgiven for that. We're all being pressed by problems we didn't start. But we're the ones who have to finish them. If tomorrow you choose to finish what the Southern Raiders started, it doesn't make you a bad person. All of the good you have put into the world is more important. If this is what you need to do to move forward - it's what the world needs."
