This is a work of fanfiction. All characters (except Emerald) belong to Aphmau / Jessica Bravura.
Cover Art belongs to Aphmau / Jessica Bravura.
Please don't sue me.
Knocking.
Incessant knocking.
It echoed throughout the apartment, only growing more annoying as it continued at random intervals. Just when it seemed maybe the person on the other side had given up, another series of knocks would echo around the space.
Asch frowned as he sat alone in front of the TV, letting out an annoyed grunt. The other Daemos had their own duties to attend to on the other side of the portal, but Asch found himself unable to concentrate. Instead, he had decided to take on the challenge both the princess and the guardian had presented: learn some human manners.
Granted, he hadn't known where to begin, so he'd asked the guardian that morning what she would suggest. She'd told him about a mystical sage known only as "Socky the Sock Puppet" and his fantastical adventures through the world of common courtesy. The Daemos prince didn't understand exactly what she was talking about, but the show so far had been fairly interesting...
...which was exactly why he was so frustrated it kept being interrupted by the knocking.
Eventually, Asch's patience snapped. He turned off the TV as angrily as he could, just in case anyone was watching so they would know precisely how displeased he was. He marched straight into the princess's room, not even bothering to knock as he threw open the door. "PRISONER!"
Ava sat up, staring at him blearily. "Wha...?"
"Are you not going to answer the door?!"
"Someone's... knocking at the door?"
"Yes! They've been knocking at the door." He stared at her expectantly.
"You know... you could just ignore it, right?"
"The knocking is ruining 'The Adventures of Socky the Sock Puppet'!"
"Oh no, I'm sorry you - " Ava cut herself off as his words registered with her half-asleep brain. "Wait... you're watching 'Socky the Sock Puppet'?"
"Yes!"
"You... actually like that show?"
"Yes, I do, and I'm trying to find out what's going to happen next!"
"What... episode is it?"
"The one where Socky has to help get a cat out of the tree!" Asch's face lit up unexpectedly. "I'm hoping he does it with fire."
"Why do you hope that?" Now Ava was concerned on a number of levels.
"Because Socky went to the Fire De-art-ment!"
"That's not... " The shorter woman trailed off, giggling quietly.
"What?!"
"I just think it's cute you like Socky."
"He's a very relatable human, okay?! Besides, it wasn't my idea." Asch crossed his arms, looking away as if pouting. "Your guardian Emerald said it could help me learn how to act around humans."
"Socky... is a sock... "
"Answer the door!" he shouted, any earlier calmness evaporating.
"Look, if it's someone I care about, they'll just text me. And I haven't gotten a text yet, so... " She flopped down on her side, pointedly ignoring him. "... goodnight!"
As another series of knocks echoed out, Asch glared at her coldly. "Fine! If you won't answer the door, then I'll just get your guardian to do her job properly!" He turned and stalked towards the front, slamming Ava's bedroom door shut behind him.
However, as he came to the hallway junction, the Daemos prince caught movement from the corner of his eye by the front door. Turning, he saw Emerald standing at the open door, kneeling down and talking quietly.
'Oh, of course now she decides to fulfill her duty!' Asch thought furiously, marching right up to her without breaking stride as he summoned a fireball in his left hand. "Prisoner! Why did you take so long to perform your tasks?!"
The tiny human Emerald had been talking to let out an ear-piercing shriek of terror, bolting away and heading straight towards the elevator. It frantically mashed on the call button, barely pausing for breath in its screams.
The guardian shot up, moving in front of the door to block him as she turned around. To his surprise, she didn't even flinch. "Put that away right now!" she whispered furiously, meeting his glare unblinkingly.
"Or what?!" he shot back, bringing the fire closer to her face.
"Or else I'll personally summon the nine-hundred and eleven knights to deal with you."
He hesitated, refusing to believe she had that kind of authority. "You... you wouldn't dare. Only Ava and her parents have the power to command so many warriors."
Shockingly, she leaned in closer to his face. "You really want to test that?"
"I - "
"Asch?! What did you do?!" Ava called out, running up behind him. He quickly extinguished the fireball, recalling what Rhys had said about convincing the princess they could exist on "friendly" terms with Emerald.
Before he could answer, the guardian spoke up. "His Majesty Asch here just scared the living sh - ... stuffings... out of Marlene."
"You should have answered the door, then!" Asch shot back, glaring at her. From behind the woman, he saw the tiny human run past, headed towards the staircase. "Maybe this will teach you not to neglect your duties next time!"
Emerald looked like she wanted to say something, but the princess was faster. "Just go back to your show, and don't answer the door ever again!"
He scoffed in triumph, turning around and walking back towards the TV. As he rounded the corner, he heard Emerald tell Ava "You get dressed. I'll go after Marlene and smooth everything out.".
Emerald dashed out the door, following the tippy-tap of Marlene's feet as she booked it up the staircase. 'How the hell is she so fast in that dress?!' she thought in annoyance, taking the steps two at a time to catch up to the child.
As she arrived on the 4th floor, the veteran saw the door to Mrs. Oates's apartment was standing wide open. From inside, Emerald heard a high-pitched voice declare "Grandma! There was a scary demon man at Ava's door!"
'Great... just what I needed to deal with today,' she sighed, already putting together a story in her head to explain what the little girl saw. As she rounded the corner, she hurried forward to join the child in front of Mrs. Oates. "Marlene! I am so sorry! I - "
"Oh, Emmy!" the elder woman cooed out, smiling in greeting. "So glad to see you."
"You have a demon in your house!" Marlene declared, staring at the veteran with wide eyes.
"Oh, come now Marlene. Don't fret: I'm sure the man you met was a demon in some other kind of way - "
Emerald gave her a look of horror, images of Asch trying to be romantic floating through her head. She shuddered in disgust.
" - just not in the literal sense," Mrs. Oates finished.
"But I saw it, Grandma! I saw he had horns on his head and he had fire in his hand!"
"Oh Marlene, I believe you." She turned to the veteran. "Emmy, is you 'demon friend' scary?" At her confused look, the elderly woman continued. "Marlene told me what saw and I believe her, but I don't believe that your friend is scary, since you know them so well. Perhaps he was having a bad morning." As she said the last two words, she gave Emerald a subtle wink.
The veteran picked up on the hint immediately. "Oh, yeah he was. He and Ava kind of got into a fight earlier."
"S-so your demon friend isn't going to eat me?"
Emerald let out an easy laugh. "Oh, no. In fact, Ava is a powerful sorceress who keeps him at bay, and I'm the brave warrior protecting her so she can perform her magic. So you don't have to worry: he can't do anything to you without getting past us first."
The little girl let out a relieved sigh. "That's a relief."
"Well, Emmy, I didn't realize you were into that kind of thing... "
"Mrs. Oates? Your granddaughter is right here."
"Oh, what's wrong talking about dungeons and d - "
"Dragons!" Marlene interrupted excitedly, turning to Emerald. "That's the game Daddy plays. Mommy calls him a nerd, but she still loves him and plays with him, too." The little girl's eyes went wide as she suddenly seemed to remember something. "Emmy? Grandma has a favor to ask."
"Oh, that's right." Mrs. Oates turned to face the veteran. "Emmy, I was wondering if you and Ava could watch Marlene for me today? You see, I'm watching her this weekend so my son and his wife can have a vacation. We were playing earlier and I accidentally sprained my back, and at my age it takes longer to recover."
"Grandma thought she could pick me up like she used to, but I told her I'm a big girl now!" the little girl added helpfully.
"Oh, please. I picked you up last year fine."
"I grew a lot!"
Ignoring the outburst, Mrs. Oates turned back to the veteran. "Emmy, Ava's babysat Marlene before. Do you think you could ask her if she's free to do so today? I'll pay you two a hefty sum for watching her until tonight."
"I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but are you sure? About the payment thing, I mean. You really don't have to do that, you know."
"Oh, I insist. After all, you two are performing a service and should be compensated accordingly." Once Emerald nodded, Mrs. Oates turned back to her granddaughter. "Now Marlene, Ava and Emmy have a few friends living with them, so please be nice to them."
"I will, Grandma."
"Yeah, we have... uh... " Emerald trailed off as realized Ava and the Daemos had absolutely no idea what was about to happen.
"Something wrong, Emmy?" Mrs. Oates seemed to have picked up on her discomfort.
"Oh, uh, no. Just realized that it's been a while since I neated up the apartment, that's all. Could you give me about five minutes to get everything put away real quick?"
"Of course. That gives us time to get things for Marlene ready to - " Mrs. Oates cut herself off as she heard her front door slam shut, the veteran already gone. "Oh... well, I guess she has a lot to clean." She let out a knowing chuckle. "Let's get you ready, Marlene."
Emerald skidded around the corner of her apartment, narrowly avoiding bouncing off the wall as she called out. "Ava! Demons - er, Daemos! All of you, please come here! Emergency Meeting Time!"
Asch leapt up from where he'd been sitting on the couch, giving her a confused look. "Why are you yelling, Prisoner?"
"Hush!" The veteran started collecting the dirty clothes scattered around, tossing them into a basket that's been left near the computer desk. "Just... hush." She noticed Ava coming out of her room from the corner of her eye, but was too focused on trying to get everything cleaned up.
"Dame Emerald, you look rather flustered."
Emerald stopped in her cleaning to see Rhys and the others standing outside the portal, staring at her curiously. Noi furrowed his eyebrows. "Is everything all right?"
"Okay, I'm going to break this down quickly for you all: Ava and I are going to be babysitting."
A casual observer would've thought she'd just announced she set puppies on fire for fun, based on the looks the Daemos were giving her. "Brutal... " Rhys murmured softly.
Leif was grinning devilishly. "Oh yeah!"
"I, uh... I thought humans were... "
"Kinder," Pierce finished for Noi.
"I'd like to see this baby get sat on!" Asch looked... disturbingly enthusiastic at the idea.
The former assassin's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Will it explode into guts?!"
"I have to say, after hearing you preach about how humanity is less murderous, I would think that sitting on babies is not something you'd adhere to." For some reason, Rhys looked... disappointed?
"Sweet crispy Christ, I keep forgetting you guys are so literal," Emerald groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Look, you don't actually sit on a baby when you're babysitting. It's... well, I guess the closest thing I can think of is it's like baby guarding."
Noi appeared thoughtful. "We've never really asked about human babies... where do they come from?"
Ava stared at the smallest Daemos in horrified shock. "Uh... "
"Noi, do you even know where Daemos babies come from?" Rhys cocked one eyebrow questioningly.
He giggled happily. "Nope!"
"As I thought."
Pierce made eye contact with the veteran. "Where do babies come from, Emerald?"
"Look, we can have a discussion comparing breeding methods or whatever later, but we are not having that talk right now. There's something more important we need to deal with first." She took a deep breath. "Look, I need you guys to be on your best behavior because Marlene is coming over, and Ava and I are going to watch her."
Leif looked confused again. "Watch her what?"
"Explode? As you sit on her?" While subdued, Asch still seemed pretty excited about the whole scenario.
"I don't think Emerald or Ava are heavy enough to explode the baby," Noi broke in.
The former assassin glanced around at the other Daemos. "Maybe one of us should help sit on the baby with them?"
"No one is actually physically sitting on a baby!" Emerald glared at him. "How much of a fucking psychopath are you?!"
"Who is Marlene?" Rhys cut in, sensing the veteran was reaching the limits of her patience.
Ava had picked up on it as well. She placed one hand on the woman's arm, gently coming up beside her and taking over. "Marlene is Mrs. Oates's granddaughter."
"The wise sage Mrs. Oates?"
"So Marlene must be someone important," Leif concluded.
Emerald began speaking again, her eyes closed as she tried to calm down. "Marlene is a child and Mrs. Oates is her grandmother. Mrs. Oates needs me and Ava to take care of her for a few hours, sooo what that means is that you guys need to either stay inside your place until she leaves or... you need to be on your best behavior out here."
Rhys turned his head slightly to one side as he mulled over this new information. "Does this mean Marlene is another who is under your protection?"
"If that's how you guys understand it, then sure. Why not."
"Also, you have to put your horns away and put your human clothes on," Ava added, noticing how they were all still just standing around.
Leif began speaking slowly. "So... you aren't sitting on the baby?"
"Just GO!"
The Daemos quickly ran back through their portal, Asch bringing up the rear. Just as he was about to go through, Emerald called out to him. "Asch!"
"What?" The Daemos prince turned towards her.
"You need to be in attendance. Marlene already saw you."
"M-me?!"
"Just do it," Ava sighed, tapping Emerald on the shoulder as the two women turned away. Once they heard the sound of Asch passing through the portal, the shorter woman turned to the taller. "Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of wound up."
"Gee, ya think?" The veteran reached into her pocket and pulled out a $5. "Can you go put this in the new Swear Jar and meet Marlene at the door for me? I'm gonna finish cleaning up in here."
Ava took the bill. "Is... is there anything bothering you? Aside from the mess in the apartment right now?"
Emerald visibly hesitated before shaking her head. "Not right now, no." She turned back, a light grin firmly plastered on her face. "Why don't I start water for some hot chocolate? Just try to stall Marlene for a few minutes before letting her in, yeah?"
Ava gave a small nod, watching her roommate fly into a flurry of activity as she finished cleaning up the living room. She was about to ask the veteran what was really going on, but was interrupted by knocking. 'That must be Marlene. I guess it'll have to wait until later,' she thought, heading towards the front door.
Emerald met them just as Ava shut the front door. "Hey kiddo, how ya' doing?" she asked, lightly ruffling the child's hair.
Marlene groaned lightly. "Ugh, I'm not a kid, you know!"
"Oh, I do that to all the kids I've babysat. Ask Ava: she can tell you about some of the things we used to do when our parents had to work late."
The child's eyes grew wide. "You knew Ava when she was little?! How old are you?"
"Marlene!" Ava looked mortified.
To her relief, Emerald laughed it off. "Old enough to know not to answer that question with a number." She took the child's candy bucket and placed it safely on the kitchen counter, glancing into the living room. "You ready to meet the 'scary demons'?"
Marlene nodded nervously, immediately hiding behind Ava and clutching the back of her shirt.
The veteran smiled to her roommate. "Well, lead the way."
Ava rolled her eyes and walked out, not pleased to see all five Daemos sitting calmly on the couch. 'Seriously?! They all came?!' she groaned mentally. 'Well, at least they're sitting on the couch.'
At a gently nudge in the side from Emerald, she shook herself back to the present moment. "Oh, that's right! I need to introduce you to my friends." She pointed from left to right. "Marlene, this is Rhys, Leif, Pierce, Noi, and Asch." She glared at them. "Guys, say hi."
"Are you gonna sit on her?" The former assassin still seemed unable to accept the true reality of babysitting.
Before she could answer, Marlene spoke up. "Ava? Are one of these guys your boyfriend?"
"I am," Asch declared confidently.
"Oh, heck no!" the girl declared, stepping out from behind Ava and standing between the two women. She glared at the Daemos prince. "You were the one who scared me before. He can't be your boyfriend, Ava!"
Emerald barely covered the bark of laughter that bubbled up, but did hold her hand down to the child for a high-five which was promptly delivered.
But it didn't stop there. Marlene turned to stare up at her. "Emmy, what about you? Are any of these guys your boyfriend?"
She shook her head. "Not right now." She glanced briefly at Rhys. "They all seem more interested in Ava, anyway. I'm just here to make sure nobody gets hurt in the meantime."
Apparently, this wasn't an answer the little girl wanted to hear. She pushed past both adults and climbed onto the coffee table, planting both hands firmly on her hips. "All right, listen up!"
"What is she doing?!" Emerald whispered furiously to Ava.
"I have no idea!"
"Ava has been my babysitter since I was a kid!"
"Aren't you still a kid?" Rhys interrupted, raising an eyebrow.
"No, I'm not! Shut up!" (Emerald barely contained another outburst of laughter at her words.) "Ava deserves the best!"
"I agree," Pierce cut in softly.
Noi's eyes sparkled happily. "Yep! Princess Ava deserves the best!"
"Ooo! I like you two." Her face grew serious again. "But you guys can't ignore Emmy, either! From what I've heard, she is super awesome too and deserves a piece of this action!"
Asch rose from the couch, almost beside himself with indignant confusion. "Where does this tiny human get off thinking she can command us to - "
"I know your secret! You're all demons!"
It went deadly silent in the apartment as soon as Marlene uttered those words. Asch even fell back onto the couch as everyone stared at her in open shock.
"M-Marlene?" Ava asked in a tiny voice.
"My grandma told me all about how these boys are looking to be your boyfriend." The child smiled at the older women. "You two deserve the best out of the bunch, so I'm going to help you!"
"Oh my God, you're just as assertive as your grandmother, only tinier... " Emerald murmured softly. "What monster has Mrs. Oates created?"
"The monster of truth!"
Ava shook her head in shock. "You grew up too fast! I remember when you were tinier and shy: what happened?!"
"Second grade happened!" She turned back to face the Daemos. "All right, listen up unworthy demons!"
"Hey, she's pretty scary... " Leif suddenly didn't seem so sure of himself anymore.
Rhys chuckled softly. "A worthy opponent."
"We're going to play a game called 'Princesses and Waiters'." Marlene pointed at the Daemos. "You guys are the waiters and Ava, Emmy, and I are the princesses. Whoever can do all the tasks required gets to marry Ava and Emmy."
A chorus of excited exclamations rose up from the couch, ending as Pierce declared "Finally!"
"We have been attempting to talk to Princess Ava and Dame Emerald about marriage." Rhys looked sideways at the adults. "I'm glad someone got to it."
"Hey, that's Princess Emmy to you, buster!"
"Marlene, you don't know what you're doing," Ava murmured in despair.
Emerald nodded. "I have to agree. This seems... a little intense. Especially for whoever ends up in second place and gets stuck with me as the 'leftover'... "
"Relax, girls! I'm about to get us a Spa Day!" Marlene turned back to the Daemos. "All right! First task is making hot chocolate!"
Most of the day passed by in a flurry of activities.
Between hot chocolate, tea parties, pony races (Emerald and Leif ended up paired together, winning the race once Marlene closed her eyes so the former assassin could "phase" ahead), dolly playhouse, cookies, and video games, the Daemos were completely wiped out as the sun began to set behind the city skyline.
"I... I don't know... how much more of this I can take," Rhys gasped out, staring tiredly at the coffee table.
"It's all stupid, pointless tasks," Asch grumbled, staring at the ceiling from his spot on the floor.
Noi grinned tiredly. "I enjoyed being a pony, though. I got my hair brushed!"
"And sugar cubes," Pierce added from his spot near the fireplace.
"All right, boys!" They all started as Marlene charged out of Ava's room. "Here come the brides!"
Ava and Emerald came out slowly behind her. Their clothes had been replaced with two toilet paper "dresses", their bras slightly visible beneath the thin coverings. "Marlene... " the former muttered, obviously not at all happy about the situation.
"Oh, just wait until we have to put all this paper back up," the veteran murmured to her. "There's no way in hell I'm wasting this many rolls on something like this."
"And the winners of the brides are: " Marlene paused, mimicking a dramatic drumroll. "Noi and Pierce!"
As expected, it was instant chaos.
"There is no way Noi is getting Ava!" Asch growled, staring down as his smallest knight.
Leif pulled out his knives, barely containing his rage. "I'll kill you for her!"
"Let's go!" Pierce shouted back, brandishing his broadsword.
Rhys shook his head tiredly. "Violence is never the answer. But in this case... " He trailed off as he drew his staff.
Emerald stepped forward. "You guys know this is just a pretend wedding, right?"
Five simultaneous cries of "Huh?!" rang out as the Daemos put away their weapons of choice.
Marlene nodded, glaring at them. "Look, I don't have the Power of Attorney to make it legit. My certification is from Play-Doh."
The veteran shook her head. "And in what world do you guys think a child is the one to decide who gets to marry anybody, let alone a princess?" She glared again, taking in some of the residual mess from the day's activities as she sat down on the couch between Leif and Rhys. "And so help me if you all even think about running out before you help clean this mess up... "
"So... Princess Ava is still open to marriage... " Asch murmured tiredly.
Leif glared at them. "So all of that was for nothing?!"
"Yep!" Marlene shouted out happily. "But now I see how much you guys love them, and that's nice to know." She looked between the women. "And I'm sure they see that too."
"Well... at least we've proven to Ava and Emerald we can handle children and... " Rhys trailed off, eyes growing droopy.
One by one, the other Daemos began to pass out until only the spectacled Daemos remained awake. "Whoa... " Marlene whispered, looking around. "They fell asleep... "
Rhys scoffed. "Obviously, I am the better... " He cut himself off as a large yawn escaped.
Emerald hesitated a moment, but then reached over and began to play with his hair. He looked over at her blearily. "It's okay," she murmured quietly to him. "You helped me get some rest yesterday: let me return the favor tonight." She twirled a few strands of his hair lazily around her finger. "Relax."
He closed his eyes completely, leaning heavily against her shoulder as he finally allowed himself to sleep.
"Wow, look at that." Marlene took in the scene before her. "They're all taking a nap!" She paused as a large yawn ripped from her own mouth. "I may need one, too."
Ava let out a soft chuckle. "Come on, Marlene. You can take a nap in my room."
Once Marlene was securely tucked in, Ava came back out to check on everyone. She barely managed to contain a squeal as she saw Leif had also fallen against Emerald's other shoulder, effectively pinning the veteran on the couch.
Ava motioned to the two Daemos weighing her down and raised an eyebrow. The veteran rolled her eyes before carefully shrugging her shoulders.
The shorter woman gave out a small laugh. "You know, for all the gloating they do about being powerful and deadly warriors, they sure can't keep up with an eight-year-old."
Emerald gave out a little laugh as well, before looking thoughtful. "If they're going to be sleeping out here, you might want to cover Pierce up." She nodded towards the ceiling. "He's right underneath the air vent, and you know how long it takes Jake to covert the building over from A/C to Heat."
Catching the look Ava was giving her, the veteran shook her head just enough to stop her from saying anything. "Look, do you really want to deal with any of these guys getting sick? Because I don't."
Ava nodded. "Fair enough." She retrieved the spare blanket from the laundry room, carefully spreading it over Pierce. Once she'd finished, the shorter woman turned back to her. "You gonna be okay there?"
Emerald nodded again. "Yeah. They're pretty out of it. Should be good at least until it's time for Marlene to go back to Mrs. Oates."
"Well, I think I'm gonna go take a nap as well. See you later." Ava went back into her room, carefully shutting the door so as not to wake anyone.
The veteran glanced around at the scene before her, suppressing a yawn of her own. "You guys did a good job," she murmured, resting her head against Rhys's hair and closing her eyes.
