I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and found two new messages received. One was from Cody, and the other from Brandon. I took a seat on my bed, and was uncertain of being back on the S.S. Tipton.
To: Cassidy M.
From: Brandon P.
Hey girl, I was wondering if you wanna hang sometime. I'll be on the S.S. Tipton this year, and I have major news for you. Hugs only, 😊.
To: "Her" 😡
From: Cody
How can we be friends again when you refused to answer me two years ago? You've been avoiding everybody who loves, and cares for you. What is there left of our friendship or relationship? 😢
I kept rereading both messages with a hole in my heart. As I was about to reply, Zack walked into the room with uncertainty evident on his face.
Our eyes met for a brief moment before either one of us spoke.
"So, what are you up to?" Zack asked, and glanced at the phone in my hands.
I sighed, and set the phone down on the bed next to me. I wasn't up to anything yet, but I was sure that I was going to get into more dangerous territory when school started. I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly closed it because, I was at a lost for words.
Zack took a seat next to me, and placed his hands on his lap. He let out a heavy sigh, and I was glad that my phone hadn't been sat on.
"Cassidy, this is getting tiring. I've done nothing, but try to be your friend, and get you to open up to me, but you've decided on pulling away from your loved ones, and I don't understand why. We haven't shared anything except dull, and painful silences." Zack huffed with bitter anger highlighting his tone, "I've been here for you over the past two years, and you continue acting as if this whole thing is an absolute waste of your time."
I gulped at his words because, I knew he was right. I not only wanted a friend, but I needed a friend. I guess I needed to try, but the only problem with me was I couldn't force words out of my mouth even when I tried. I guess I had become a mute.
"I understand what you're saying, but you don't understand the silent battle I've been having to face on the inside. I can't just talk anymore when I want to because, my mind refuses to let it out. I lost my best friend, and gained someone who thinks that it's easy for me to just open up to said person with no problems when I can't." I explained with tears forming in my eyes. Why can't my life be simple?
"I get that you're going through something, but I'm here for you." Zack huffed, and placed a hand on top of one of mine.
I knew it was time to tell him the truth.
"Did Cody tell you why we're not speaking?" I asked, and my eyes met the floor.
"No." Zack shook his head.
"He told me he loved me two years in a text message. I didn't return the affection, and I can't." I said as silence engulfed the room for a few seconds.
"Ah, right, because, the whole family thing, right?" Zack looked as if he knew, but he didn't.
I shook my head, and breathed out.
"No, things changed two years ago with all the drama, depression, and me starving myself silly when everybody exchanged hateful words." I answered trying to forget about it all.
"You do need to start eating more, and I get it." Zack stated.
"She's not my mother, never has been, never will be. You, and Cody are not my brothers, and never will be because, I've accepted the fact that everybody is cruel, and heartless. Friends, and people who care maybe, but you jerks will never be my real family." I went on to explain, and part of it was just because, of my anger, and hurt.
Zack looked angry by my words, and didn't know what to say. He looked to be thinking about something to say.
I picked my phone up, and typed in the words I had been meaning to type in.
To: Brandon P.
From: Cassidy M.
Sounds good, yoko. Lots of love, 😘.
To: My Ex-Bestie
From: "Her" 😡
Forget me trying to make amends when it clearly won't work. You're both troubled losers who will never understand what you put me through then, and what you're doing to me, now. You're right, there's nothing left. We ain't even family, in fact, we may as well be enemies. 😡😡😡
I felt a stab of pain in my heart as I through the phone against the wall. I heard it crack, but I didn't care as I heard a gulp from Zack. I was losing my temper, and stability, but what did it all matter when I was lost, hurt, confused, and in a world of anger?
"Cassidy, there's no good reason for you to feel unwanted. We have always treated you like apa-"
I cut him off there when he said 'we have always' cause' when has he ever treated me like apart of the family? Two years ago, when both of the pathetic losers claimed to 'love' me. I held my hand up to stop him from speaking.
"Who's we? Cause it ain't you. You, and Cody both are jerks for claiming to love me, and it's pathetic that I'm the only one actually hurting." I informed him as I felt something wet leave my eyes. I was crying, great, just great. I saw the regret, and sadness in his green eyes.
"Cassidy, I didn't mean to-"
"Whatever, Zack. Your words are as meaningless as anything Cody has to say to me at this point. I'm glad no one truly cares." I cut Zack off, and spoke through gritted teeth. Before, anything else could be said I was out the door, and hurrying to the Skydeck.
"Cassidy, my favorite troll!" Brandon pulled me into a friendly embrace once he spotted me.
I felt awkward during the hug, so I remained with my arms at my side as I looked around the Skydeck to find Cody, Bailey, Woody, and London at the Juice bar.
"What's the major news? Aren't you like older than us?" I quickly asked with other questions on my mind.
Brandon sat us down at a table to talk, and he softly placed a hand on my knee.
"I'm not that old, and I wanted to come out to you as being into guys." Brandon shot me a warm smile.
I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion as I processed his words.
"You're gay!" I giggled aloud causing surrounding people to stare at the two of us.
Brandon smiled, but placed a hand over my mouth.
"Yes, but I haven't told anyone else." Brandon told me as he watched me with cautious eyes. He looked as good as ever, so I shouldn't have been surprised.
"What?" I asked as he sighed, and took on a serious look.
"It's not going to get an easier if you're suffering alone, Cassidy. One day, you'll wake up like James, and take the exit if you let things go on the way you are. You're suffering, and afraid to open up to the people who matter, but I'm begging you to give those people a chance." Brandon gave my knee a soft squeeze.
His words caused me to look at the juice bar to see that Zack had joined the others, and they were all staring in our direction except for London, and Woody.
Cody was glaring, Zack was concerned, and Bailey understood.
I bit my lip, and focused my attention back on Brandon.
"Maybe, you're right."
"I am right."
