XVIII

We commenced with Plan A, which started out alright, and then got worse as the days sped by, hurtling towards disaster like a dart meets the middle of a corkboard. I patrolled the inner perimeter with Sam, mulling over how I could get Bella to realize we were meant to be together. I drove them all nuts, so they started letting me go check in on her more often.

Forks High was on spring break, so Bella spent most of her time walking on the beach, staring pensively out at the waves with a haunted look in her eyes. Her dark hair, heavy with the salty spray, hung untamed and wild behind her, twisting like seaweed washed up on the shore. My off-gray hoodie – which she stole after insisting I do my laundry, then elbowed me out of the way when I poured bleach into the washing machine – hung like drapes from her shoulders, billowing out behind her in the wind. Dawn broke across her face when she saw me, cracking into a delighted smile, but the pain never left her eyes.

"I'm sorry for ditching you so much," I apologized one day as I ran up to meet her, grabbing her hand in mine without a second thought. "My schedule isn't usually this crazy, but the wolves are on red alert right now."

She understood, to some extent, but still scowled when I had to leave.

On Tuesday afternoon, I had the pleasure of escorting Bella to work, which just so happened to be the sporting goods store owned by the parents of none other than Mike Newton. He took in a sharp breath when he saw Bella riding behind me on the Harley, and his face turned an odd shade of purple. I waved at him, grinning a smug smile. I could afford some kindness, since I knew there was no way Bella would ever go out with someone as normal as Mike Newton. He couldn't handle crazy.

We went back to my house, where Charlie and Billy were already watching a basketball game. Bella fixed fish with Harry's fish fry while I perched on the counter next to the stove. It was the kind of moment I lived for; peaceful, normal. She had the sleeves of her light blue shirt rolled up to her elbows, dipping the filets into two different bowls and laying them out on a baking sheet.

"You guys don't have anything green in your fridge," she complained with a reproving glance at me.

"If you take over the kitchen here, I'll add another year to your total," I offered.

She rolled her eyes. "I think that would deserve more than just one year," she retorted.

My arm wrapped around her shoulders before I could tell it not to. "I thought you gave up trying to be older after the bikes."

Bella laughed nervously, but didn't shake me off. "I guess I'm still holding out hope," she joked.

Sam and Emily stopped over after dinner with a cake that would have made Stalin a capitalist. Charlie's suspicions melted from his eyes instantly, and their conversation flowed effortlessly the rest of the night. I was relieved when he finally stopped looking at me like an alien who had stolen Jacob Black's body.

Bella and I snuck out while the adults were occupied with Emily's baking. Sam gave me a meaningful look when I ducked out the door behind her, and I nodded, wishing he would trust me. We went out to the garage and sat in the Rabbit.

I was hit with a sudden sense of déjà vu, being back here with Bella, and with it came a wave of exhaustion. We couldn't go back to those simpler times anymore, when we were just two irresponsible teenagers looking for an escape. I leaned my head back, eyes closing.

"You need some sleep, Jake."

"I'll get around to it."

I reached over and took her hand, brushing my thumb against her knuckles. Her hands were always freezing, like holding ice, but they warmed up quickly against my blazing skin.

"Is that one of those wolf things?" She asked suddenly. "The heat, I mean."

"Yeah. We run a little warmer than normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand like this" – I gestured to my bare torso – "in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."

"And you all heal fast – that's a wolf thing, too?"

"Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." My eyes flipped open and crinkled in a grin. I reached around Bella to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute, then pulled my hand out with the pocketknife Billy gave me for my tenth birthday.

"No, I do not want to see!" She shouted. "Put that away!"

I chuckled, shoving the knife back. "Fine. It's a good thing we heal, though. You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead."

"No, I guess not," she conceded thoughtfully. "…And being so big – that's part of it? Is that why you're all worried about Quil?"

My face fell at the reminder. "That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead. It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly – " I broke off, a lump rising in my throat.

I continued, voice still thick. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything – I was happy." I laughed humorlessly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me – I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I – I exploded. I almost ripped his face off – my own father!" I shuddered, feeling sick.

"Is it really bad, Jake?" She asked anxiously, leaning towards me. "Are you miserable?"

"No, I'm not miserable," I said honestly. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before." I rested my cheek on top of her hair, smiling to myself.

Being here with Bella reminded me of old movies my sisters used to watch, when teenagers drove out to a secluded place and made out in their cars. I wished desperately for that sense of normalcy, or maybe I just wanted the possibility of being with her like that. She was my best friend, but her pull was impossible to ignore, and the lines between us kept getting blurred. It was like walking a tightrope, swaying back and forth, trying not to fall. I knew we couldn't keep up this balancing act; one way or another, we would tilt to one side of the wire. I hoped desperately, perhaps in vain, that she would choose me.

It was obvious that Bella loved me, though she had never said it out loud. I knew it wasn't the romantic type of love I felt for her, but lately it felt like she was starting to come around. The whole werewolf thing had been a set-back at first, then it ended up bringing us even closer. She was still scared, though, and I suspected it was because she was waiting for the hammer to fall. I had to find some way to prove she could trust me, that I would never break another promise. If I could manage that, it could be the tipping point I'd been waiting for.

"What's the hardest part?" She whispered, breaking my reverie.

"The hardest part is feeling… out of control," I said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself – like maybe you shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second… and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts – I know what that feels like…" I trailed off, looking down at our intertwined hands.

"Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?" I asked rhetorically.

She stared up at me with wide eyes, listening intently, so I continued. "And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I'm better at it than the rest of them – does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."

"Is it hard? To find yourself again?"

"At first," I replied. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it's easier for me."

"Why?" She wondered, eyebrows furrowing.

"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."

"Quil?"

"His great-grandfather," I clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."

"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"

"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance," I added in a bleak voice.

"What's the very best part?" She asked, a smile dancing on her lips.

"The best part," I said, grinning back at her, "is the speed."

"Better than the motorcycles?" She asked hopefully.

I nodded enthusiastically. "There's no comparison."

"How fast can you…?" She left her question dangling, glancing at me meaningfully.

"Run?" I finished for her. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught… what was his name? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else."

It obviously did – her eyes widened exponentially, and her arms crossed against her chest.

"So, tell me something I don't know," I said quickly. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn't it creep you out?"

"No," she said curtly, looking out the windshield.

I thought for a second, wondering if I should pick her brain some more. "Say, why'd your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?"

"James was trying to kill me – it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?"

I sucked in a sharp breath, the air scratching my throat. "He got that close?"

"He got very, very close," she said distantly. Her fingers reached over and stroked the back of the hand I was holding.

"What's that?" I asked, trading hands and examining hers with another wave of déjà vu. "This is your funny scar, the cold one." I looked closer, seeing what I hadn't been able to at the movie theater, and gasped in horror.

"Yes, it's what you think it is," she confirmed. "James bit me."

My eyes got so wide I thought they might fall out of my skull. My stomach churned with bile, and I swallowed hard to keep from screaming. "But if he bit you…? Shouldn't you be…?" I choked.

"Edward saved me twice," she whispered. "He sucked the venom out – you know, like with a rattlesnake."

She twitched at the same time I did.

My whole body was trembling as I lost my grip. The car shuddered beneath us. This was too much for me to handle; sure, I'd assumed something terrible must have happened to her in Phoenix, but not even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this.

"Careful, Jake. Easy. Calm down," she soothed.

"Yeah," I panted through clenched teeth. "Calm." I shook my head back and forth quickly, trying to clear it. I took a deep breath in through my nose, letting it out slowly through pursed lips, and then only my hands were shaking.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about," I said quickly.

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know," I said, closing my eyes to concentrate. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have… extra talents? Like the mind reading?"

Bella spoke quickly, an edge of panicked hysteria in her voice. "Jasper could… sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help Paul a lot," she teased in a weak voice. "And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…" She trailed off, gasping for air and clutching her torso like a buoy out in open water.

I was entirely in control now. My hands didn't shake when I reached out to grab her arm. "Why do you do that?" I asked. I gave up trying to tug her arm off when she kept it wound tightly around her. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"

"It hurts to think about them," she said softly, still panting. "It's like I can't breathe… like I'm breaking into pieces…" she trailed off, looking back out the windshield with the same haunted expression she wore on the beach.

I smoothed her hair, wishing I hadn't said anything. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."

"I'm fine," she gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."

"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" I asked, trying to break the sudden tension. "Neither of us can hold our shape together right."

"Pathetic," she said breathlessly.

"At least we have each other," I added, smiling.

Bella seemed comforted by that. "At least there's that," she agreed.

But we were apart more than together nowadays.

I checked in on her the next day. Emily was concerned, worried about the look on her face when she ran off to the beach. I found her curled up in a ball on a patch of damp rocks, rocking back and forth with anxiety-filled eyes.

My smile disappeared. "Sorry," I said quickly.

I pulled her up from the ground and wrapped both arms around her shoulders. She shivered, then pressed her cold cheek against my bare chest with a sigh. I took her hand after a moment, pulling us back up the beach.

"I'm ruining your spring break," I worried aloud.

"No, you're not. I didn't have any plans. I don't think I like spring breaks, anyway," she replied.

"I'll take tomorrow morning off," I decided. "The others can run without me. We'll do something fun."

Bella looked up at me doubtfully. "Fun?"

"Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" I gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating.

As my eyes scanned the horizon, they fell upon the cliffs, and I had a flash of inspiration.

"Got it!" I exclaimed. "Another promise to keep."

"What are you talking about?"

I let go of her hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky, half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. She stared, still not understanding.

"Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?" I reminded.

She shivered, and I chuckled. "Yeah, it'll be pretty cold – not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?" I asked, getting more excited as I considered it.

Bella stared at the dark gray water for a few seconds, deep in thought. A crease formed between her eyebrows, forehead crumpling above them, and I wondered if she was considering my offer a challenge.

"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun."

"It's a date," I said, draping my arm around her shoulders. She wrapped her arm around my torso.

"Okay," she agreed, rolling her eyes. "Now let's go get you some sleep," she added, looking up at the dark bags beneath my eyes.

I didn't end up getting much rest. Early the next morning, Sam knocked down our door and pulled me out of bed by the ankles. I was still half-asleep by the time we made it outside, but the change in weather woke me up.

All the animals were on high-alert, scurrying into every nook and cranny of the forest for cover from the coming storm. Sam and I shifted quickly, uneasy.

What's going on? I growled, still angry from getting dragged out of a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

We found a fresh trail, Embry replied. She's hedged herself in beside the mountains. Looks like our chance, he added hopefully.

Chased her down from the Hyas Creek, Jared panted.

She's headed for the trailhead, Paul predicted.

Not if we get there first, I replied.

Sam and I hopped over the Bogachiel river, meeting the rest of the pack where the mountain sloped into the valley. The red-headed leech was leaping from branch to branch above us, while we barked and snapped up the trees, trying in vain to reach her.

All of a sudden, there was another voice in my head, raging with a familiar fury, and then a different voice, younger and scared.

Leah and Sam Clearwater were wolves now.

Sam didn't have the wherewithal to handle both situations right now, so I took over the chase while he ran back to La Push to deal with the newest crisis.

It's always something, I muttered to myself.

I didn't know girls could shift, Paul remarked.

Seth is only fourteen, right? Jared chimed in.

The leech is gonna get away from us again! Embry exclaimed, annoyed at the distraction.

Sam shifted back into a human suddenly, since neither Leah nor Seth were able to explain the ambulance sitting outside their house. He must have gone with the paramedics, because when he shifted back into a wolf, he was in the woods behind the hospital.

Harry Clearwater had a heart attack, he informed us. It's not looking good for him.

Leah and Seth howled in agony. The rest of us hesitated in our pursuit of the red-headed leech, muscles bogged down with shock and sorrow, but we pushed on, following her through the valley.

We chased her down to where the rivers converged and snaked into the Quillayute, when she lept from the trees onto the overpass, then plopped into the water with barely a splash, her wild red hair bobbing beneath the surface.

Bella! I thought with alarm, picturing the mouth of the river converging with the ocean.

You go get her. We got this, Paul thought confidently, running alongside the river with Jared and Embry.

Let's go, Sam agreed, turning and heading back towards the beach.

The others quickly lost the red-head in the rapids, but followed the river as it flowed towards the estuary, stopping at Little James Island and searching for any sign of the bloodsucker. They doubled back, sniffing the river's edge for any trails leading out of the water.

Leah's thoughts were vague and choppy, but laced with a feral anger that honestly scared me. Seth was confused and upset, but he was starting to come around. He'd been listening to us more than Leah. She was studiously ignoring us, behaving on instinct and intuition, like a real wolf. She hadn't come back to herself yet, and I wasn't really in a big rush to reveal her human thoughts. I was sure they would make me feel even worse than young Seth, whimpering in fear and confusion, worrying about his family.

I was too busy worrying about Bella to pay them much mind. I assumed she would be at the beach, where she had been all week when I went to find her, right where the water meets the sand. Water that the red-headed leech could be in right now.

When we got to the beach, I knew Bella had been there, but the trail was older. The truck wasn't at Billy's house, either, but the familiar smell of the Chevy left a faint trail down the road. We followed it down to where tire marks skidded onto the dirt trail that lead to the cliffs.

I groaned. I should have told Billy to keep her on house arrest or something.

A tight knot of worry was tying itself up in my stomach, an ominous feeling of danger creeping up my neck. We followed the tire marks, shifting back into our human forms when we got about a hundred yards in. The woods were eerily silent, uncharacteristically still. Even without any wind, the smoky gray clouds churned in front of a sky that was the same color as a fresh bruise.

My heart thundered to a stop when we got to the top of the cliff, just in time to watch Bella fling herself into the waiting air. Her blood-curdling scream rang in my ears like I'd been hit over the head with an aluminum baseball bat.

My heart started up again in triple time, lurching forward in my chest as if she was dragging me off the cliff with her.

"BELLA!" I roared, but she had disappeared.

Without thinking, I got a running start and jumped after her. As I fell, I saw the white halo of bubbles where she must have crashed into the waves, and angled my body to land there.

I opened my eyes when I broke through the water, blinking against the saltwater.

Bella's limp body was being jerked around by the current like the rag doll my sisters used to fight over. The water was chilly even to me, so she must have been frozen numb. I didn't have time to dilly-dally, but her expression momentarily stunned me. Her eyes were closed; peaceful, content, happy, the same as when I'd seen her at the prom dancing with her bloodsucker.

I didn't pause as the current rocked us into each other, sending the air out of her lungs in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. I slung my hand under her armpit and kicked against the tug of the waves, surfacing a few seconds later.

I got her back to the beach in record time. Sam was waiting there, his face worn and tired. His hand held her up in a sitting position while I beat the space between her shoulder blades, trying to get the water out of her lungs. Saltwater gushed out of her mouth and nose, pouring down into her lap.

"Breathe!" I ordered, my voice wild with anxiety.

She didn't. Her eyes were open, with pin-point pupils, glassy and unfocused, swimming with excess moisture. Her lips were blue, and her body was shuddering violently. I smacked her back again, and another wave of water heaved its way out of her.

"Breathe, Bella!" I begged, a lump building in my throat. "C'mon!"

Miraculously, her lungs took in a sharp, raspy breath of air. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head when we laid her down on the sand. I crouched above her, resting my hand on her chest to make sure it was still moving.

"Bella?" I asked, voice tense. "Bells, honey, can you hear me?" I pleaded, but her body did not respond.

"How long has she been unconscious?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," I replied frantically, glancing quickly at the roiling waves beneath the cliff. "A few minutes? It didn't take long to tow her to the beach."

My mind was still running fast with adrenaline. I was surprised when I noticed the clouds had finally released their load; a thousand shards of ice-cold glass, striking the earth with precision and bouncing off my skin, melting before hitting the ground. Bella's breathing was wheezy, like a vacuum cleaner on the high setting. Her heart was fluttering in her chest to the beat of a hummingbird's wings.

"She's breathing. She'll come around," Sam reassured me, resting his hand on my shoulder and giving me a meaningful look. "We should get her out of the cold, though. I don't like the color she's turning…" He trailed off, looking down with genuine concern.

Sam wouldn't have admitted it out loud, but he always harbored a soft spot for the girl after finding her in the woods. It baffled some of the others, but made sense to me. She had just as much reason to hate the bloodsuckers as we did, in his opinion, and that meant she was working for the same cause, in a sense. I didn't like to think about how much she still seemed to love the Cullens, so I didn't correct him.

"You think it's okay to move her?"

"She didn't hurt her back or anything when she fell?"

"I don't know."

We both hesitated. Then, another miracle occurred.

Bella's eyelids fluttered open, blinking against the rain. "Jake?" She croaked.

I was over her face in a heartbeat, arms resting on either side of her face. "Oh!" I gasped in relief, melting above her and oozing into the grainy sand. I blinked, dripping water down from my hair. "Oh, Bella! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"J-Just m-my throat," she stuttered, blue lips quivering from the cold.

"Let's get you out of here, then," I said quickly.

I slid one arm under her shoulder blades and the other behind her knees, picking her up effortlessly. Bella was ridiculously light – like picking up a discarded feather from the ground. She was also frozen solid, so I hunched my shoulders protectively around her, taking the rain on my back. Her head lolled over my arm, neck limp, eyes staring vacantly toward the furious water.

"You got her?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I'll take it from here. Get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam."

Sam nodded, then turned and ran into the trees.

I half-jogged through the rain – trying not to jostle her head too much – up the beach toward the road. It was sure to get back to Charlie if I strolled through town sopping wet and covered in sand, carrying his semi-conscious daughter, so I planned to cut through the woods. I didn't really expect Bella to start asking questions, but I probably should have.

"How did you find me?" She rasped. Her voice sounded like two cheese graters rubbing against each other.

"I was searching for you," I explained. "I followed the tire tracks to your truck, and then I saw you jump, and heard you scream…" I shuddered. "Why would you jump, Bella? Didn't you notice that it's turning into a hurricane out here? Couldn't you have waited for me?" Anger filled my voice as the overwhelming relief got washed away by the rain.

"Sorry," she muttered. "It was stupid."

"Yeah, it was really stupid," I agreed, nodding and spraying drops of rain onto her face.

She looked up at me with solemn, guilt-ridden eyes.

"Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're jumping off cliffs behind my back."

"Sure," she grated. "No problem."

I heard her try to clear her throat as we dove through the underbrush, then felt her wince.

"What happened today?" She asked suddenly. "Did you… find her?" She shuddered.

I shook my head as we made it to the road, crossing the forest in thirty seconds when I didn't have to go at a human pace. "No. She took off into the water – the bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That's why I raced home – I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. You spend so much time on the beach…" My voice cracked on the last word.

"Sam came back with you… is everyone else home, too?" She asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Sort of," I qualified when she squinted up at me in suspicion.

Then her eyes widened in realization. "You said… hospital. Before, to Sam. Is someone hurt? Did she fight you?" Her voice jumped up an octave, still too hoarse to sound like herself.

"No, no. When we got back, Em was waiting with the news," I lied, avoiding the topic of Seth and Leah. "It's Harry Clearwater. He had a heart attack this morning."

"Harry?" She shook her head, absorbing my words. "Oh, no!" She cried, voice breaking. "Does Charlie know?"

"Yeah. He's over there, too, with my dad."

"Is Harry going to be okay?"

My eyes tightened against tears I wasn't willing to shed in front of her. "It doesn't look so great right now."

"What can I do?" Bella asked, sounding devastated, as we walked through Billy's front door.

"You can stay here," I replied, dumping her on the couch. "I mean it – right here. I'll get you some dry clothes."

I pulled on a pair of dry cut-off sweats, then threw my hair back into a ponytail. I dug through the closet, trying to find something from my pre-wolf days, and coming up empty. Finally, I gave up and picked my warmest sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants I hadn't gotten around to cutting into shorts yet.

I threw the pile of gray cotton at her. "These will be huge on you, but it's the best I've got. I'll, er, step outside so you can change."

"Don't go anywhere," she begged, eyes flying wide open and hands twitching on the couch beside her. "I'm too tired to move yet. Just stay with me."

I sat on the floor next to her, my back against the couch. It felt like years since the last time I'd slept. Seeing her on the couch, pale and weak, had dissipated the rest of my anger, leaving a numb, blank feeling in its wake. I leaned my head on her knees, trying not to wince at the cold.

"Guess I could rest for a minute," I said, then a yawn ripped itself from my throat like a silent roar. My eyes closed, and I was given a brief reprieve from this life I didn't ask for.

I dreamed about a mermaid. Her hair spun wildly around her calm, moon-like face, hovering in the water. She was wearing a white cape that draped around her like milk as it pours into a glass. She smiled, revealing green teeth crawling with algae. Her skin was so pale it glowed against the dark turquoise water, reflecting light on the shimmering current. When her eyes opened, they were vacant and glassy, with pin-point pupils staring back at me in the middle of her chocolate-brown eyes.