AN: It is finally coming together and I'm presenting you with this over 7000 words epic-of-angst (with a little bit of hope in between).
For clarity's sake, Diana's backstory is taken from the Wonder Woman live-action movie. It is the version of her backstory I'm familiar with and I adore her character there. I don't know how much her origin varies in other incarnations.
Sunshine-Midnight123: You really pinpointed the essence of Dick's development in your last comment. It was really striking how much he became like Batman as Nightwing after the five-year-gap. This little plot bunny of YJ!Bruce losing it after Jason died became essentially my attempt to explain why Dick changed so much.
Light warning for mentions of suicidal thought. Nothing graphic or major. Just take care.
21. Nightwing
This time, Dick physically stood in front of the Justice League. The League had called in an emergency meeting on the Watchtower after Nightwing had informed them about Aqualad's betrayal.
His body still ached. The fight might have been staged but Kaldur definitely hadn't held back.
Nightwing relayed his report. Astonished faces stared at him. The Leaguers that had been close to Kaldur were especially devastated. Aquaman shook his head in disbelief. Zatanna clenched her fists. She shared occasional whispers with Rocket.
"But Kaldur'Ahm has always been my most loyal student", Aquaman protested.
"He feels betrayed by the true identity of his father being withheld", Dick fiddled with the bandages around his wriest.
Aquaman shook his head: "I can't believe this. You must be mistaken, Nightwing."
"I wish I was. I-", he took a breath seemingly to compose himself, "Please, watch for yourself."
He pulled up the footage of the staged fight. Nightwing's stomach clenched. He hoped that the League would believe their deception. They certainly had tried their best to make it seem real. The fight had left more than physical wounds. Kaldur had ripped Dick Grayson open with his words.
"We can help you, Kaldur. Please", the Nightwing on the footage evaded Aqualad's punches.
They were fighting in the kitchen of the Cave after they had left chaos in their wake in the other rooms.
Aqualad sent a vicious kick to Nightwing's stomach: "You didn't help, Tula. All that Bat-training and you couldn't disarm a single bomb?"
Dick fell to the floor and held up his hands.
"I'm not fighting my friend", Nightwing took off his mask to reveal pleading eyes, "You will always be my leader."
He really put it on thick to sell it. Kaldur stood still - balling his fists.
"Listen, Kaldur", Nightwing continued his heartfelt speech, "I'm sorry. I should have been better. We all should have been. But Tula saved our life. And we should honor her memory by keeping this team together."
Nightwing stood up and held out his hand. Kaldur halted as if he was thinking. Then, he moved.
Aqualad pulled Nightwing into a death grip and electrocuted him. Dick writhed in pain feeling the current run through his body. Dick twisted out of Kaldur's grip still shaking and barely able to stand. But he countered with a Wingding to the face. It broke even Atlantean skin.
Aqualad growled launching himself at Nightwing. But Nightwing threw a smoke bomb and vanished.
"Still hiding after all these years", Kaldur said.
When the smoke cleared, Aqualad was surrounded by a ring of small gadgets. Nightwing was perched on the kitchen counter. A tray with the remains of M'Ganns latest cookies was still sitting there. A reminder of what they once had.
Nightwing held a detonator in his hand.
"I don't want to do this, Kal", Nightwing said, "The team- We are sorry. We didn't want this to happen – no matter how angry you are at us."
"Carelessness is worse than failure. We've become complacent. The League and the Team haven't been on the right path for a long time."
"I know", Nightwing said, "That's why we have to fix it."
He held out his hand to Kaldur again. The Atlantean stayed still.
Kaldur trembled: "There's nothing left to fix. Tula is dead. And the Team and the League failed her."
"She wouldn't want you to turn to the dark side, Kal. Not in her name."
"I'd rather call it turning to the Light", Kaldur growled.
"Have you forgotten what the Light does? It lies and murders for its own gain. How could you join them after what they did to Connor? Not to forget hundreds of innocents."
"But the League is different?"
"The League saves people."
"I pity you, Nightwing", Kaldur scoffed.
"Pity me?", Dick frowned.
This hadn't been in the script. Kaldur was almost too convincing.
"Did you feel saved when Batman almost beat you to death – repeatedly? When he left you to be torn apart in Arkham?"
Dick flinched. This was way off script.
Kaldur walked closer: "You're the prime example for the League's sins. You are a brainwashed child soldier. The first one in a long line."
Dick didn't know what to say. His throat was dry.
"We all are", Kaldur said, "And now I'm finally seeing it for what it is. Manipulation. Orin is my king. Do you really think I could say no to him? Artemis comes from a family of villains. The League gave her a new purpose but that can easily be taken away. Connor doesn't even have a family.
"The League isn't forcing us to be heroes."
Kaldur just kept going on: "And you? Bruce Wayne took you in after your parents died in front of your eyes. A rich man who follows his crusade at night. He never even legally adopted you. You were dependent on him."
"That's what children are. They are dependent on their parents. Bruce took care of me and I'll always be thankful for that", Nightwing took a deep breath, "The League didn't threaten us."
"Because they never had to", Kaldur snarled, "We always had an implicit threat hanging over our heads. Orin could have used his power anytime to destroy my life. Artemis could have been sent back to her abusive father. They could have carded Connor off to Luthor or thrown him back into a Cadmus pot. And Bruce could have sent you back to the orphanage. No one would have wanted to take you in. Or he could have thrown you out when you were 16 – what he did if my memory serves me right."
Kaldur's grin was smug: "Open your eyes, Nightwing. Your beloved League uses emotionally vulnerable children to do its bidding. And if one of them dies, it just replaces them. I mean, look at Jason. Batman is training a new Robin, isn't he?"
"Don't mention, Jason", Dick trembled in far-too-real anger
He was letting this deception get to him.
"Jason Todd was beaten and blown up while being on a mission with a member of the Justice League", Kaldur stepped closer to Dick and challenged his gaze, "I don't see the Light letting children do its bidding."
"Kaldur, please. Let's talk about this like normal people."
"NO", Kaldur's fists trembled, "I won't let myself be discarded."
"The Light will see you as disposable, too. It is not a better option."
"Maybe not. But at least joining my father allows me to tear the League apart", Kaldur screamed, "They will suffer."
"Kal", Nightwing said, "You don't mean any of this. You are upset because of Tula's dead. Insulting me and the League is your way of-"
Kaldur hit Dick in the face. He fell from the counter and hit his head on one of the kitchen cabinets. The detonator skidded over the tiles.
"Don't go Bat on me", Aqualad towered over Nightwing.
Dick spat out blood: "What is your endgame here? Kill me? I don't even want to fight you, Kal."
"I have a proposal for you, old friend. It may be partly your fault that Tula is dead but I saw what the League – what Batman – did to you. I saw how he pushed you. I saw how you followed him every step of the way like a good little dog thinking that you were a son to him. And I saw how he walked over these sentiments."
This time, Kaldur offered out his hand: "Don't you want to turn the tables for once? We could both get our revenge."
Dick shook his head. His throat was too dry to speak. This staged fight was taking everything out of him.
"Think about the symbolic power of the first sidekick deserting the League. You could have so much influence. But you choose to stay complacent in the League's crimes."
Dick bit his lip: "The League is flawed, Kal. But it can be fixed."
Kaldur growled: "Then, we cannot come to an agreement. You had your chance. The Light will appreciate it if I bring them the first Robin as a welcoming gift."
He formed a blade out of water and aimed it at Dick's chest. Nightwing rolled out of the way. He lunged for the detonator. But Kaldur gripped him by the ankle and pulled him back.
"I have enough of this", Dick threw his escrima stick at Kaldur's face.
The crack told him that he had hit his target. Kaldur loosened his grip. Dick lunged for the detonator and pushed the button. Small fires erupted in the kitchen. Kaldur groaned and held his bloody nose. It seemed to be broken.
Dick pushed himself up and held his remaining escrima stick in front of himself. His knees were shaky.
Kaldur stumbled towards the exit. He glared at Dick. They were in a stalemate.
"Don't believe for one second that I will go easy on you out of some false sense of sentimentality", Kaldur left the room.
The footage ended and the League stared in shock. For minutes, no one made a sound.
Dick bit his lip. The weight of the situation was crashing down on him. Kaldur and him were playing the whole Justice League – people that Dick loved like family. But there was no turning back.
"I managed to plant a tracker on Kaldur during the fight", Nightwing sighed, "It was last active in the Mariana Trench until he must have found it."
"Manta loves to hide out there", Aquaman muttered.
"Kaldur went to his biological father", Dick looked at his feet to appear as a mournful friend, "We lost him."
"Maybe we can still show him the right way", Dinah said.
Green Arrow said: "There is no room for arguments anymore. He tried to kill one of his oldest friends."
"I was his therapist. How could I fail him like this? Why didn't he tell me that he had these feelings?", Dinah hid her face in her hands.
"Tula's death was too much for him. And finding out that Manta was his father-", Dick shook his head, "I wish I had seen it sooner."
"Not your fault, kid", Flash consoled him, "You had a lot on your plate."
Dick had the League right where he needed it. The members looked at him in pity.
And there was also guilt. Dick wasn't the only one who Kaldur's words had hurt.
The stage was set for the next phase in their plan: Bringing the League back together.
The Team may be able to operate in the dark but the world needed a united Justice League.
They needed Bruce – as much as Dick loathed him right now. But Batman was the leading tactician of the Justice League, their brain. Batman would be able to outthink the Light. If the organization started to fight dirty, the heroes needed someone who would dare to play on their level.
They needed Diana just as much. She was their most powerful warrior, an icon who inspired people everywhere. She had been doing so for decades ever since she had first appeared in their world during the First World War. If the Light started to fight dirty, Wonder Woman would be invaluable in keeping public opinion on their side and being one of their powerhouses.
Dick ran his hand through his hair: "There is something I believe we all neglected. But I don't know if I'm the right one to say it. I'm not even in the League-"
The older heroes shared uncomfortable glances. Kaldur's words had definitely cut them deep.
Clark stood up. His face wore a distressed frown: "The things Kaldur said. About the League indoctrinating the Team. Do you feel that way?"
Dick sighed internally. He had known that that question would come up. The gazes of the older heroes burned on him. He tried to come up with something that didn't involve pouring his heart out to his extended family. The silence weighed heavily.
"I've never felt that way", Zatanna said, "My father always had my wellbeing in mind. After the helmet-"
She looked at Doctor Fate with clear regret: "The League and the Team were like a safety net for me. They gave me a new family and the ability to change the world for the better. I don't regret it even if it's not easy."
Rocket put a hand on her shoulder: "You got it, girl. Nothing to add to that."
Dick smiled at Zatanna. Again, she had saved him from a rough spot. Z nodded.
"With Kaldur gone, I'll have to step up to lead the team", Dick said, "It's time to think about our next steps. We need to better the communication between the Team and the League to make sure that something like Kaldur's betrayal cannot happen again."
The weight on his chest grew even more. It was the first time he had said it out loud. Leading the team seemed overbearing. Dick knew that he had the experience and the skill to pull it off. But he didn't know if his mind could withstand the pressure. Not without significant damage.
When he was younger, he had wanted to lead with all his heart. But he hadn't been ready. Now he was mature enough, but he felt like his heart wasn't in it. His heart hadn't been in a lot of things lately. His life had turned into a mechanic sequence of events.
Patrolling in Blüdhaven. A few hours of sleep (4 if he got lucky). Classes at the police academy (He had broken off uni. Partly, out of boredom. Partly, to spite Bruce. Dick had decided on a business degree when he had still hoped to win Bruce's approval. That hope was lost now.) Going on a mission with the team. Patrolling. Sleeping. Repeat.
Dick didn't have any friends at the police academy and dealing with the team was strictly business now. He used to be a people magnet. He had thrived on contact with his friends, his family and total strangers (who had quickly become friends). Now, he found himself shutting people out. Questioning their every move. If they were betraying him (like Bruce had), even if he was being irrational.
Dick hated being this paranoid. He was an aerialist. He was supposed to be bold. But he had lost his circus attitude. The openness towards people that he used to be proud of. Bruce had literally beaten it out of him.
Batman must be proud of him. Dick had become what Bruce had always wanted him to be. The mission came first, just as the Bat had taught him. Hell. He was deceiving the entire Justice League right now.
"Wait a second, Nightwing", Clark looked at him in concern, "You didn't answer the question. What do you think about what Kaldur said?"
Dick bit his lip. Batman was supposed to be the perceptive one but no one should underestimate Clark's reporter attitude.
Luckily, Dick knew how to deal with journalists. He plastered on a mask of determination: "I've already told it to Kaldur. But I think that the League can be truly great if it manages to get itself together again. We are doing good in the world and we younger heroes know that none of you would force us to continue. Kaldur twisted what happened. The League didn't exploit vulnerable children but gave them a family – somewhere to belong."
"What about Bruce?", Clark asked.
Dick swallowed the rage he felt when saying his mentor's name. He had to keep it together if he wanted to convince the League to allow Batman back into its ranks. His feelings about Batman re-joining weren't important right now. The mission came first. And the mission demanded a united Justice League.
"-I am glad that he took me in. I know that many of you had concerns about his methods. But he did what was best for me. I needed a way to get justice and Bruce gave me an outlet. Without him, I would have gone out anyway and I would be dead right now. His training was extreme and he was a bit demanding-"
Snorts came from a few of the League members.
"A bit of an understatement, Nightwing", Flash teased.
Dick smiled: "OK. He was very demanding. But I needed someone like him. Someone who showed me my boundaries but was always there when some crazy villain-of-the-week tried to feed me to some sharks. So, no. I have never regretted it."
More chuckles at the mention of the sharks. Dick hated his nickname of 'Boy Hostage' and he had done his utmost to shred the title as Nightwing. He had been successful – mostly. No one dared to say it to Nightwing's face anymore (except maybe Slade). But reminding the League of his more vulnerable, younger self was what he needed to do to get the League where he wanted them.
Dick was getting the crowd on his side. Maybe he still had more of the circus boy in him than he thought. So far so good. He had said nothing but the truth.
Now, the hard part was coming. Time to lie through his teeth: "It's true that he has lost his way recently. But as heroes we believe in redemption. And Bruce has been working hard to better himself. BC can attest to that."
"I can", Dinah said, "He has been surprisingly open in our sessions. I have allowed him to patrol Gotham again for a few weeks now. With the new Robin. The boy seems to be good for him. There have been no complaints."
Dick nodded: "Bruce is flawed but he is a good man. And he is worthy of the League."
Dick suddenly felt very tired but he forced the hardest lie out anyway. It was what Kaldur and the mission needed: "I forgive him."
The effect on the League was magical. Flash stared at him – mouth wide open.
Hal Jordan smirked in smug satisfaction: "See? I was right from the beginning. The kid is backing me up."
"Are you sure, Nightwing?", Martian Manhunter asked, "I'm sensing some distress from you."
"The last few days have been especially stressful, but I am completely sure", Dick put on his performer's smile.
That decided it. Clark nodded – a softness in his eyes: "The incident with Kaldur has shown us that we should put more trust in the Team. If Nightwing thinks that Batman is ready to rejoin, we should believe him."
Dick's throat felt constricted. Clark looked so proud of him. It was the way Dick wished Bruce would look at him. An unattainable goal.
"That leaves only Diana", Hawkwoman said, "We need her. Badly - as the last few months have shown. The Light attacked the press conference in an attempt to show the League as weak without two of its founders. And we barely defeated them."
"I'll talk to her", Dick said, "She will listen to me."
The League members nodded. Visibly relieved.
"That's it", Clark said, "This meeting is adjourned if no one has anything to add."
He seemed eager to end the discussion so none of the other members said anything.
Clark floated from his chair before even Flash could move. He pulled Dick into a hug and looked him over.
"And nothing is broken?", Clark held Dick by the shoulders.
"RT looked me over", Dick said, "I may not be a Kryptonian but I'm not made out of glass."
Clark nodded still not satisfied: "And you are sure that you are fine?"
"I'm as fine as the current situation allows. I'm settling into my new life."
"Police Academy?", Clark smiled fondly, "It fits you far more than some boring business degree."
"I thought the same", Dick said.
Bruce had been furious when he had heard about Dick's job choice. Clark's pride was a refreshing change.
("Don't you know that being a police officer involves carrying a gun?"
"I'm not an idiot, Bruce. I know what the job entails."
"Guns are a coward's weapon."
"They are a tool for an officer of the law to defend themselves. And carrying one doesn't mean that I intend to use it a lot. Just as a last resort."
"Do you hear yourself talking? You would be murdering people. Will Nightwing also carry a gun from now on?"
"He won't because it's different. As a police officer, I will be held accountable if I make a mistake. As Nightwing, no one could investigate me."
Bruce walked away. He didn't understand. He never did.)
Clark's grip on his shoulder shook Dick out of his memories. He still had this fondness on his face. Pure boy scout.
"And Team leader", Clark shook his head, "When did you grow up so fast?"
Dick laughed. He felt something within himself loosen. Clark had that effect on people. He had always offered Dick a safe haven when Bruce had become too overbearing. Choosing Nightwing as his name, after a Kryptonian legend, had been Dick's way to honor Clark's influence. – Next to it being a really cool title.
Clark slung his arm around Dick's shoulder: "I'm so proud of you, kid. You're one of the best. No superpowers needed. You'll do great things."
Dick chuckled: "You aren't that bad yourself."
"You should come over to dinner though. With Lois, Connor and me on the Kent farm. You've become far too thin."
"I will."
Dick had been a kid when he had last seen Themiscyra. Diana had often watched over him when Bruce had been occupied. It had been an exception as most of the League had never been on the island. The Amazons were extremely protective of their land since Steve Trevor had crashed near them unknowingly bringing hostile soldiers with him.
Diana had told Dick the story – sadness in her eyes. She always became melancholic when Steve Trevor was mentioned.
Dick stepped out of the zeta beam and was greeted by spears to his neck. He didn't know the two Amazons who were looking at him with narrowed eyes. One of them seemed to be older and she was built out of pure muscle. The other one was nimbler and looked to the older Amazon for direction.
Dick put up his hands. They told him to give away all of his weapons. He complied.
"What is the aim of your visit, human?", the leader said.
"I would like to talk to Diana."
"Diana is not interested in communication with humans right now. Especially not if they are from the Justice League", she said, "She has repeatedly expressed her disdain for the League."
"It's good then that I'm not a member", Dick smiled.
The younger Amazon looked him over. She said something to her fellow warrior in an ancient language.
The leader frowned: "What is your name, child?"
"Nightwing."
Silence.
The older said after a while: "Diana will want to see you. She was concerned."
"Thank you", Dick took this opportunity to look around.
Themyscira was as beautiful as he remembered it. Pearl-white beaches and glistening water formed the edge of the island. They walked up a road towards a castle. Amazons on horseback passed them. They greeted their sisters.
Battle cries and the clang of swords came from everywhere. Dick could get glimpses of the Amazons training. He had always been mesmerized by the precision with which they wielded their weapons and how well they coordinated their fight moves. He couldn't suppress his grin at seeing the legendary warriors fight.
The younger Amazon started a conversation with him asking him how he knew Diana.
"I've known her since I was a child", Dick said, "She used to work with my guardian in the League."
"You are still a child", the leader said.
"Diana always calls me that. She will probably never stop - even when my body is all wrinkly while she is still in her full Amazon glory."
The younger Amazon laughed.
They reached a training ground that was situated near the castle.
Diana was sparring with a few younger Amazons. She only had her lasso while the other warriors ran at her with swords.
Diana effortlessly managed to take their weapons with the rope. She screamed instructions: "Don't leave yourselves open. Coordinate your attacks."
They needed her back in the League. Seeing her fight with so much ferocity and elegance made Dick even surer of that.
Diana halted when she saw Dick. He nodded at her.
"Keep practicing", Diana said.
The other Amazons didn't listen. They looked at Dick in curiosity. He did his best to look friendly. Diana pulled him into an embrace.
"Miss me?", Dick asked.
Diana looked him over probably to check him for injuries: "Thank, Hera. You are unharmed – as much as you will be."
"I missed you too, Auntie D."
Dick had always called her that when he had been younger. She lighted up at the nickname.
"I assume you want to talk privately?", she said.
Dick nodded. He nodded at the two guards: "Thanks for bringing me here. It was nice meeting you."
The younger one waved at him enthusiastically while the other hid a grin under her stoic facade.
"Making new friends?", Diana teased.
"Yeah, after we got off to a spear-y start."
Diana laughed at his antics. He always acted younger around her as if the last few years didn't happen. Maybe because he would always be a child compared to her.
Diana led him down to one of the beaches. They made small-talk on the way. Diana wanted to know how his life had been in the last few months.
"It's been difficult", Dick said, "Wally and Artemis have left the team and we lost a member."
"Aquagirl. May Zeus bless her. From what I've heard, she was a brave child."
"She was. Tula was amazing. She sacrificed her life for us and dozens of other people."
"I wish no child would have to sacrifice themselves for the greater good."
Dick bit his lip: "That's the problem, isn't it? We'll always be on the frontlines whether we want to or not. The world is a dangerous place. The only difference is that we choose to fight evil."
"You shouldn't have to", Diana looked at the sea.
They had arrived at a beach. Diana's melancholy told him enough.
"He landed here, didn't he? Steve Trevor?"
"Yes", Diana said, "I pulled him out of the water. He would have drowned otherwise."
"Saving people since 1918."
"I've been questioning a lot of things lately."
"I noticed", Dick said, "Remember when you told me about your adventures during World War I?"
"I wouldn't call it an adventure", Diana frowned, "It was a horrible cesspool of suffering and violence. But there was light in between. Something that was worth saving. Steve gave his life for this light and I swore to honor his memory."
"Has something changed? Did the light vanish?"
They looked at the sea.
Diana seemed thoughtful: "No. It's still as bright as it always has been. Every time I lose faith, I look at your young team of heroes and I see hope. I just wonder if the League are the right people to preserve our light."
"They are flawed. We all are."
"What Bruce did was more than flawed."
"I know. I needed some time to see that."
Diana seemed surprised: "You've always been strictly loyal to Bruce."
"He broke my trust", Dick gritted his teeth, "But he is trying to regain it. He has been taking therapy with Dinah and she has been mostly clearing him."
"And is he succeeding in regaining your trust?"
"It will take time. A lot of it", Dick said.
She nodded: "Never forget your worth, my child. We all deserve respect."
Dick smiled. Diana was by far his most protective mother figure. She would have fought by his side in Arkham and not left him. (And they would have torn the place apart with their combined asterness.)
He said: "I think you are making a mistake, D."
Diana grinned: "I was waiting for you to get to the point."
"You are isolating yourself. The people out there need your help. Humanity is flawed but it is still worth saving. Same goes for the League."
"They are working to get Bruce back into their ranks."
"He suffered consequences. He's been shunned by the League for months now. Deservedly. They will put him on strict regulations. The League needs you", Dick said, "And more importantly: I need you."
Diana looked up: "What changed?"
"Kaldur has turned to the Light. Tula's death and finding out that Manta is his father was too much for him. I've lost one of my closest friends", Dick said.
Diana's face softened. Dick felt horrible for lying to her. But it was all for the sake of the mission.
"I'm leader of the team now", Dick said, "I don't feel like I'm ready. And I don't feel like I have a Justice League that I can trust to back me up."
Diana stayed quiet.
"The hero community is broken right now while the Light keeps getting stronger. The intel that Kaldur alone can give them will be invaluable", Dick shook his head, "It's a nightmare."
"Why do you think I could change it?"
Dick looked at her. He was honest when he said: "Because I can trust you. You won't get lost in darkness like Bruce did and you aren't afraid to address the things others avoid. You are right that the League isn't morally infallible, but they protect millions of innocents from the Light and other threats."
Diana stayed silent for a while. Then she nodded: "I think you are right, my child. It is not the Amazon way to isolate myself from humanity. Not if it needs me."
Dick smiled: "I knew you would do the right thing."
Diana shook her head: "You've always had everyone wrapped around your little finger."
"I don't know what you mean", Dick teased.
Diana pulled him into another hug. She looked at him again – in concern: "You should eat more properly, my child."
Bruce was out patrolling again. Tim was with him. Dick kept his distance but followed them through the night. He wanted to make sure that Bruce didn't overstep his lines with Tim. It seemed peaceful.
The night was unusually quiet and Bruce took the opportunity to show Tim how to grapple. The boy stood near the ledge of a skyscraper visibly fearful.
"Remember what I told you?", Bruce said.
"You'll catch me if I fall."
"Right", Bruce smiled softly.
Was Dick seeing right? He checked twice if the lenses in his mask were adjusted correctly.
Tim took on a determined stance. He sent a line to the other side of the street.
"What do you have to do?", Bruce asked.
"Check if it's firm."
"I'll be there to catch you now but I won't always be there", Bruce said.
Tim nodded and pulled on the line: "It's firm."
"Good job, Robin."
Dick's stomach clenched. No. He would not be doing this again. This time he wouldn't be a jealous idiot. He wouldn't make the same mistake he had made with Jason. He would skip the jealous infighting and directly be a proper brother to Tim. Bruce was just making it so damn hard.
Tim took a last look at Bruce and jumped. He was a bit unsteady but he landed on the other side. Bruce followed him. They repeated it over and over. It went on for an hour and Dick was getting cold. He itched to move but he stayed behind the gargoyle he was hiding behind.
"You're getting better", Bruce said, "The last Robin also needed some time to get used to it so don't worry. You'll get there."
Tim smiled: "What about the first one?"
"Nightwing was a natural", Bruce seemed thoughtful, "The air has always been his domain. He was amazing even when he started. It's similar to your detective skills."
Dick bit his lip. He wouldn't have expected Bruce to say anything positive about himself. His mentor had been trying to apologize for months now but Dick had always assumed that it was another one of Bruce's tricks.
What could he achieve by praising Dick in front of Tim? Was he genuine? Or was he trying to stoke up a rivalry between them? Dick sighed and hid his face in his hands for a moment. He was being paranoid again – overanalyzing every step Bruce made. He couldn't stop. How should he know what Bruce was thinking after his mentor had repeatedly exploited Dick's deepest fears?
Bruce halted. He seemed to notice something in an alley and signified Tim to follow him. They crossed several rooftops seemingly tracking someone.
Dick followed. He knew that he needed to talk to Bruce. Batman was the last puzzle piece the League needed. But he couldn't get himself to do so. Even if Bruce seemed to have truly changed.
Tim must have affected him greatly. He had done what Dick couldn't. Turned Bruce back to the light. Dick had always been supposed to be the light to Bruce's shadows. At least, that was what everyone had told him. But what was he if he had failed in his singular task?
There were voices coming from an alley. Apparently, a quick weapons deal. Routine for Batman. Dick thought about leaving but stuck around.
The new dynamic duo dropped down in the alley. There were sounds of bones breaking and Bruce screaming advice at Tim. It seemed like they had everything under control. Until more gangsters joined.
Bruce increasingly looked at Tim who struggled with his opponent. He didn't seem to be an already capable fighter like the streets had molded Jason into. Dick perched on the ledge. He bit his lip in worry. Bruce was keeping his back open while he was making sure that Tim was safe. A gangster saw Batman's weakness and creeped closer with a knife.
Nightwing jumped down and landed on the gangster's shoulder using him as a springboard. The guy fell to the floor from the momentum. Bruce looked at Dick in surprise.
"Watch your back, Batman."
"I'm a bit rusty", Bruce said.
Hearing his admission almost made Dick halt. What had Dinah done to change him so fundamentally? He almost was like the Bruce Dick had known as a child.
Together, they easily took out their opponents. Tim called in the police.
"Why are you here?", Bruce looked at Dick.
"I wanted to see if the reports were true. A changed Batman is supposed to be in town."
"What do you think?"
"I'm not sure yet. But I can't leave you like this if you are truly rusty."
"It almost sounds as if you are worried", Bruce smiled.
Dick stayed silent. He crossed his arms.
Tim looked between them: "I think it would be so cool if Nightwing could patrol with us."
"I can show you all the places that give Robin a free snack", Dick ruffled Tim's hair.
The kid was adorable. And he had a lot of potential. Still, Dick was uncomfortable at the idea of a new Robin. At least, Bruce treated him with respect – even if it could be false.
He grappled up the building.
Dick came back to the cave – only because of Tim's puppy dog face and to see Alfred. He looked around. The Batcave hadn't changed much.
Bruce briefed Tim about patrol giving him things to improve and even praise. Alfred took the kid up to the manor.
Then, there was silence. Nightwing kept his back to Bruce still keeping his mask on. It helped him make the hard decisions – he had to make for the mission. Kaldur had contacted him from a burner phone telling him that everything was going according to plan and that he was getting closer to Manta. It was time for Dick to keep his end of the bargain.
"We have to talk", Bruce said.
Dick turned around. Bruce was without his cowl and in sweatpants. He really had changed. (Or had he?) Dick crossed his arms waiting for Bruce to talk.
"I'm sorry", Bruce said, "I hurt you. And I violated your trust multiple times. All because I was occupied with revenge."
Dick stayed silent.
"I thought that I had lost the whole game with Jason's death. That the Joker had irreversibly proved me wrong. That the only way to find meaning now was to kill the Joker as the last act of Batman."
Bruce walked closer to Dick: "I'm honest with you, Dick. I often thought about ending it after killing the Joker. You saved my life when stopping me and I have to thank you for that."
Dick's arms fell to his side: "You would have just left Alfred and me alone?"
Bruce flinched: "I was so caught up in losing Jason that I didn't see what I still had."
Dick's throat felt dry. Bruce seemed vulnerable. His face was ashen and dark circles were under his eyes. Dick internally cursed. How could he still be angry at B if his mentor had admitted that he had been basically suicidal? Still, Dick couldn't just fall back to Bruce's side. Not when he remembered how Bruce had been ignoring him while Dick had fought for survival. Or how Bruce had stabbed a needle in Dick's neck while he had hugged him.
"I would never want you dead, B. Not even after everything that happened. Suicide is never the answer."
"I know", Bruce lowered his gaze, "I've been feeling this emptiness since Jason died. It's gotten better since Tim. But there's still a lot missing. You are missing."
Dick couldn't keep himself from biting back: "I thought I was inadequate."
Bruce flinched again. The desperate look didn't suit him.
"I didn't mean what I said in the months after Jason's death."
"For not meaning it, you repeated it quite often", Nightwing turned away from Bruce.
Bruce walked closer. It was rare that Dick was the one with the mask. Normally, it was him with the naked eyes desperately trying to get through to Bruce who didn't want to listen.
"Please, Dick. Let's talk. Without the mask. That was always so important to you."
"You never took off your mask."
"I was a coward."
Dick stayed silent. How was he supposed to reply? Bruce had backed him into a corner again.
Bruce reached out towards Dick's shoulder. Dick let him but he kept his arms crossed and evaded Bruce's gaze.
"The way you handled the last few months was admirable", Bruce stepped closer, "You built your own life in Blüdhaven all on your own under incredibly stressful circumstances."
"But you don't approve."
Bruce bit his lip - Batman actually showed signs of being nervous: "I talked to Clark about you being a police officer. He- He gave me a new perspective. You are devoting your life to helping people."
Dick felt frozen. Bruce's face seemed open. He looked at Dick in something akin to admiration. It was what he had been wanting for years.
"I'm proud of you, son", Bruce wiped a strand of hair out of Dick's forehead.
It was a casual, comforting gesture. A little sign that Bruce cared.
"S- Son?", Dick's chest clenched.
Bruce had never called him that. Dick had always been a ward or protegee.
"Yes. You're my son and I took way too long to realize that."
Dick was still frozen. His brain went into overdrive. Bruce thought of Dick as family. He cared. He wasn't counting the days until Dick was 18 and he could cut all ties. Dick wanted to reach out to Bruce. He wanted to hug his father and bury his face in his chest like a little kid. Because everything would be OK.
Dick reached out to Bruce but he halted before he touched him. His paranoia was coming full circle. Bruce knew how much it meant to Dick to be seen as a son. To get Bruce's approval. What if he was using the same old tricks again just as he had in the Watchtower cell? Then, he had also pulled Dick into a hug just for a needle to end up in Dick's neck.
Dick blinked back tears. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't he just take good things at face value like he used to?
Bruce noticed his hesitation and stepped forward. He opened his arms. The environment flickered. Bruce's sweatpants turned into a Watchtower prison garb. The stone walls of the Cave into metallic surfaces.
Dick's breathing quickened. He felt like the walls were caving in on him – like Bruce was caving in on him. Dick shoved his guardian away.
Bruce frowned. His eyes dripped with hurt.
"Not this time", Dick rushed towards his motorcycle.
Bruce looked as if Dick had slapped him.
He followed Dick: "Please. There is something I need to tell you.
"Is it about the mission again?"
"No. It has nothing to do with Batman and Nightwing."
Dick scoffed. Batman and Nightwing were the only thing they were still talking about. The only thing Bruce still needed Dick for.
Bruce became increasingly desperate: "Stay here."
"You can't order me to do anything anymore."
"Please."
Dick halted and turned around: "I'm telling the League that we resolved our issues so that you can rejoin."
"Why?"
"Because the League needs you."
"There's more to it", Bruce narrowed his eyes, "You are planning something."
"I'm leader of the Team now. I have to think of the mission first."
Bruce flinched: "Don't make the same mistakes I did."
Dick frowned. Irritated. Bruce had always told him that Nightwing was too soft. Dick had never wanted to be Batman. But Bruce had continually pushed him into the direction until Dick hadn't been able to take it anymore. Bruce got what he wanted. And now he wasn't happy either? Could the guy ever be satisfied? Or was Dick just fundamentally too broken to be loved?
"I've never wanted you to become like me. I told it to Diana years ago during a League meeting. It's true that I lost sight of that idea in the last few months. But I stand by it. Don't become as destructive as me", Bruce's gaze softened.
Dick put on his helmet. Another layer of protection. He didn't want to think about what Bruce had said.
"I know I pushed you. I told you that everything that made you who you are is wrong. Being open towards people. Being able to ask for help. Trusting them. I called you weak for all these things but I was wrong. These things are what makes you great. What makes you better than Batman."
Dick halted. He wanted to turn around. To believe Bruce. But he couldn't. He had lost all these abilities that Bruce praised him for.
"I'm not like that anymore", Dick whispered.
He scoffed at the irony. He hadn't been enough when he had been himself and now that he had changed he again was not enough.
"You will be again", Bruce said, "That's your greatest strength. You always bounce back no matter what the world throws at you."
Dick ignored Bruce's words. It was too painful to think about them.
He swung himself onto the motorcycle: "I'll patrol with you in the next few weeks because of Tim. He's still too inexperienced to watch your back. And I can't afford any of you to be out in the open. We'll work together purely on a professional basis – just as you've always wanted."
Dick started the engine.
Bruce looked like a kicked puppy (a weird look for Batman). It gave Dick a spiteful sense of satisfaction.
"Will you at least be home for Christmas?", Bruce asked.
Dick halted. He hadn't expected that.
"For Tim and Alfred", he drove away.
Dick kept his tears at bay during the way to Blüdhaven. On the highway, an unknown number called him.
"Yes", he said.
"I have intel and not much time. Meet me in Blüdhaven."
"Spot 5", Dick said, "I'll wait there."
They had decided on different meeting locations to make it harder to track them.
"Are you okay?", Kaldur asked.
"I'm great", Dick said.
It was one lie in a long chain of lies.
