Live and Learn.
Chapter 11
Kate swung open the front door, she didn't really want him in her house, but she didn't want her neighbours to hear about her dirty past.
"I know we need to talk, but I'm not ready, I'm still pissed."
"Well, at least let me apologise."
He held out the flowers and the chocolates with a hopeful look on his face.
"I remembered, milk not dark."
She glared at him and snatched them out of his hand. She filled a vase with water as he sat at the kitchen bench, hoping she'd hear him out.
"I just need you to understand there's a reason."
She clenched her first beside her and violently smacked the handle of the tap to turn it off.
"Oh, really? A reason for bad-mouthing my relationship?"
Mike pursed his lips together, hoping he could get through a conversation without putting his foot in it. He approached and unwrapped the flowers and placed them in the vase as Kate leaned on the bench, her arms crossed defensively over her chest.
"Look, Jim was a good guy, better than I was, and.."
She interrupted, not wanting to hear him talk about Jim.
"I'm not hearing an apology."
"I'm just trying to explain, look, we never got closure, and I guess some of me always hoped that we'd..."
He hesitated, letting out a sigh.
"See, this is what you do to me, I can't get the words out, Kate, please, give me one more chance."
Kate walked into the lounge, trying to avoid his puppy dog eyes, her mind was a mess.
"I can't do this right now."
Mike stood in front of her, close, making her look at him.
"Kate, do you wonder why our arguments are always like this? So heated, so emotional?"
She stepped away from him still frustrated.
"Cos a lot has happened, Mike!"
"It's the passion, Kate, if you didn't care or I didn't care, we wouldn't be having screaming matches, we would just not be in each other's lives."
"Well, how do you explain the 18 year gap if we were so important to each other?"
"Life, but now, I can't help but think fate has brought us back here..."
"You don't believe in that crap..."
"People change, Kate, and I am sorry, I'm not trying to discredit your relationship with Jim, he doesn't deserve that."
He grabbed her hands, she tried to pull away, but he gripped tighter.
"Kate, please, I have made so many mistakes in my life, but, you were not one of them…"
She looked down at their intertwined hands, and back up to his begging eyes.
"Mike, I don't think I can do this again…"
"It'll be totally different, there's no ship, we're both on shore, we're older and wiser."
Kate closed her eyes, could she really do this again? As much as Mike had hurt her, she knew the things he was saying were true, they shared a passion that she couldn't explain. Mike could see she was thinking, he pushed further.
"Kate… please, just let me take you to dinner. Then, if there's nothing, no spark, no moment, I'll walk away, and I'll just be, Captain Flynn, the kids teacher, please..."
Kate didn't know why she felt compelled to give him a chance, maybe the past counted for something.
A knock on the prevented her from answering him, she was thankful for the interruption. She headed for the door, Mike pulled on her hand.
"Kate?"
"Just let me get the door…"
She answered the door with a stern look on her face, Charlie took a step back holding up his hands, surrendering.
"Whoa, there's that glare Dutchy was talking about!"
He laughed, not realising her mood was serious, he peered inside the house and hesitated seeing Mike.
"Oh, sorry, didn't realise you had company."
Mike stood from the couch and whispered as he walked past her.
"Thursday, I'll pick you up."
Charlie pretended not to hear, he could feel the tension in the air and glanced over to Kate checking she was okay.
"Ah, I came to apologise for my big, moronic mouth..."
Kate sighed and leaned on the door frame.
"So, Dutchy told you?"
"No, I googled you…"
She didn't know if she had the strength to deal with another guy problem, but she had given Mike a second chance, so the least she could do was to hear him out. They walked into the kitchen and she grabbed him a glass of water.
"You look hot."
He smirked as he took a sip, Kate rolled her eyes.
"Hey, just trying to make you smile, I've made you cry so, just trying to even it up a bit. So, my apology, I truly am sorry, it was the one thing Dutchy didn't tell me, you would think that's a pretty important piece of information."
"It's okay, it's never a pleasant subject to discuss."
They sat at her kitchen bench, Charlie wondered whether he should keep discussing it.
"You know, I actually met Captain Roth, a couple of times, he was a top bloke, but, ah, I guess I don't have to tell you that."
Kate's eyes darted around the trying to stop the tears, Charlie winced, hoping he hadn't blown it again.
"Look, I know it's hard to talk about, and I guess, worse, when a dip shit is trying to ask you out, and not to mention doing a terrible job at it. But, just know, I've been here, I know how you feel."
Kate looked over to him, his eyes were focused on the glass, spinning it around in his hands.
"Really?"
He exhaled and glanced up to her.
"You got anything stronger?"
She nodded and retrieved a bottle of vodka and some ice from the freezer, walking back over to the bench she took a moment to observe him. He no longer looked like the cocky, douche bag she thought he was, he looked fragile, scared even.
She poured him a glass and slid it over to him, taking a sip from her she couldn't take her eyes off of him. He sighed and picked up his glass and downed the lot.
"My wife was killed, fighting in Iraq..."
It was the last thing Kate expected him to say, her motherly instincts kicked, she immediately put her glass down and reached over to him.
"Oh, I'm sorry..."
He looked up to her and nodded at the bottle, needing another, she poured him a double.
"So, yeah, now we can both feel awkward and guilty and umm, yeah, I'm gonna go now."
He swallowed his drink and flashed her a smile, she called out to him as he opened the door.
"Hey, do you wanna hang out, like, now?"
She scrunched up her face, wondering where that idea had come from, he reentered the kitchen.
"Really? After everything?"
"Yeah, why not, I'm in a forgiving mood?"
She grabbed the bottle of vodka and the glasses and sat on the couch, Charlie sat down next to her and raised his eyebrow at the bottle.
"Ah, more to confess?"
Kate shrugged and poured them another drink.
"It's a long story, but, I deserve this."
He laughed and clinked his glass with hers.
"So, a forgiving mood, does it have anything to do with the guy who left before? That was Captain Flynn, yeah?"
Kate sipped on her drink, trying to decide if she should explain, Charlie sat there with a goofy smile on his face, waiting for an explanation. Kate shook her head and waved her hand in the air, dismissing her dribble.
"Doesn't matter..."
"Yeah, it does, we're friends now, right? C'mon, tell your friend Charlie your secrets..."
She peered over her glass, she wasn't sure what it was about him that made her want to talk.
She placed her glass down and rolled her head back, letting out a groan.
"Ugh, I feel like it's 20 years ago, but I don't really want to sit here and dwell on my failed past relationships. "
Charlie's face twitched a little, Kate realised that she had just given away more that she intended.
"Shit…"
Charlie laughed and patted her knee.
"Well, not such a rule follower after all, huh?"
Kate was glad he found it amusing, Charlie could tell by her nervous expression that she wanted to talk.
"Is that all?"
Kate retrieved her glass and sighed.
"You know what, don't worry about it. I'm fine, moving on. Anyway, you came here just to apologise?"
"Well, I couldn't stop thinking about what a dick I was, I hope you don't mind, I got your address from Dutchy. My mother always taught me to apologise face to face."
"Wise woman …"
Charlie looked around the house, trying to get a feel for her and her life.
"So, umm, where's your mini me?"
"Ah, she's actually on a date."
"Oh, and how do you feel about that…"
She took a drink, trying to hide her nervous expression.
"Well, she left on a motorbike, how do you think I feel"
Charlie cringed and pat her shoulder.
"Yeah, it's not easy, and well, I'd tell you it gets easier, but you know it doesn't..."
"Ah, how longs it been for you? If you don't mind me asking?"
"Ah, 8 years, so you should be better at this than me!"
"Well, I don't have your dating confidence."
"It's an act, actually, you're the first I've tried it on."
He smacked his forehead with his hand and shook his head at himself.
"See, why did I just tell you that? April and I married straight out of uni, she was my first long-term relationship. So when I tried to get back out there a lot had changed, for some reason women only responded to me when I was this douche bag guy."
Kate giggled, it's exactly what she thought of him the first time she'd met him.
"Well, you nailed that… that pick up line, my god."
"Oh, that one is my favourite! But anyway, I don't like the douche bag version of Charlie, but can't find many that respond to the real me, the widow me…"
"Well, I've got nothing, sorry. I just don't date, it's easier."
"Yeah, I worry they think they will always be compared to a dead person, and, I mean, I don't blame them, who wants that? Like, is it not okay to talk about her?"
"No, they shouldn't make you feel like that."
"I don't think they're making me feel like that, I think it's me."
"Well, I shouldn't be giving you dating advice..."
"And why's that?"
"Even my relationships before he died were a disaster, we even broke up at one stage. Oh, god, I can't believe I told you that!"
"It's okay, Kate, stop apologising. Look, we've both experienced a similar loss, maybe we can try to work this out together. I mean, even if it is just as friends."
She looked up at him and smiled, she had resisted going to support groups thinking they were pointless, but talking to someone in the same situation was actually reassuring.
"Some times I think it was a dream, that this isn't my life, you know? How is it possible that I found the perfect guy, and then he dies, disarming a bloody bomb? And then, I'm pregnant, a single mum, Jim was the sensible, calm one, not me. Then, when I think about Maddie growing up never knowing her father, god it breaks my heart!"
Tears streamed down her cheeks, she tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming.
"Great, now I'm crying, are you sure you wanna hang out with a mess?"
"Okay, how about I tell you something that generally makes me cry, then we'll be even? Sound good?"
Kate nodded as she plucked a tissue from the box.
"Okay, so, it sounds morbid but April and I would prepare for this, we knew there was a realistic chance that something could happen to either of us. We'd always make sure we'd tell each other our true feelings, we'd try to face time every chance we got, never went to bed angry. We always confronted our problems, because we never knew when the last time would be the last time, but as much as we did this, well, I guess we were mentally prepared but not emotionally. I think it became a bit routine, sounds stupid, but you don't actually think it's gonna happen to you. When my Commander broke the news to me, I was angry, angry at her for dying, what a jerk, huh? Like, how dare she make me go through this alone…"
Tears overflowed Kate's eyes, it was refreshing to hear someone be so open about their loss, something that she never was, especially with strangers.
"You're just making me cry more..."
"Sorry, I call it my superpower! Okay, lets talk about something else… back to kids, I've got two girls."
Charlie took out his wallet and handed it to Kate.
"That's Grace, she's 20, in Melbourne, she's at RMIT, and Molly, she's 18 and followed in her mother's footsteps and is at Duntroon."
"Doesn't that scare you a little?"
"Yeah, every day, but I'm not gonna stop her living her dream, just because I'm scared…"
Kate let out a small groan, Charlie wrinkled his face thinking she was mocking him.
"What?"
"How are you so, like, reasonable? Wise, even?"
"Hey, I think we need to be, there's no point being unhappy, we don't know how long we've got."
She rolled her eyes, and he snatched back his wallet.
"Ugh, there it is again!"
"But, you're proud that Maddie's followed in your footsteps right?"
"Absolutely, but that' doesn't mean I'm not scared for her life every day, I've been out there, I know what it's like, trust me, I don't really wish that on anyone."
"Yeah, okay, but why did you do it?"
She shrugged.
"I dunno, I wanted to serve my country, have a purpose."
"So, apart from the obvious, why are you scared for her? What terrible things have you seen?"
Kate wasn't normally so willing to divulge her darkest secrets, but for some reason, one she couldn't explain, Charlie made her want to talk.
"I've seen plenty, I'm sure you have too, it's more what I've done that scares me."
Charlie hesitated at her somber mood, she dropped her head and exhaled sharply.
"I killed a woman…"
Charlie wasn't expecting something so serious.
"Oh…"
"She shouldn't have even been there, her brothers were the criminals. She was taking potshots at the crew and I instinctively fired back, it only took one shot and she was gone. She was only twenty, she was at uni, such a waste of a life. I've never told anyone that, well my crew know, but I haven't told Maddie."
"Kate, I'm sure you had no other choice, and she wasn't completely innocent if she was there and firing a gun at you."
"Yeah, Dutchy tried to reassure me that he would have been a goner if I hadn't fired back."
"Oh, I remember him telling that story."
"Yeah… second worst day of my life…"
"Okay, let's change the subject, I was trying to cheer you up, not drown you in tears."
He felt a little bad for making her relive the past, he picked up the tissue box and handed it to her.
"I don't think I've cried like this since I locked myself in my room after Jim's funeral."
He let out a chuckle and playfully whacked her on the arm.
"Hey! I did that too!"
He reached over and grasped her hand, squeezing it a little.
"So, someone gave me some advice, and as lame as it sounds, I think it helped."
Kate leaned in, waiting for a smartass remark.
"You must give up the life you planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for you."
The smile dropped off her face, moments later she burst out laughing, Charlie whacked her on the arm.
"Hey! I was serious!"
Kate muffled her laugh with her hand, trying to compose herself.
"No, it's true, it's just, you're totally not the person I thought you were."
He poured them another drink and handed her a glass.
"I'm gonna take that as a compliment!"
A few hours later they had lightened up, half a bottle of vodka had definitely helped. She threw her head back in a fit of laughter as Charlie reminisced about his posting with Dutchy.
"Man, I thought he was impulsive on Hammersley…"
"Yeah well, I know he means well, sometimes he's just a little… enthusiastic?"
"Yeah, you can say that again…"
The front door opened and Maddie entered with Tyler, she stopped seeing Charlie sitting on the couch with Kate.
"Oh, umm, Lieutenant Butterworth…"
He stood from the couch, hoping that it wouldn't be weird he was there.
"Hi kids, have a good time?"
Tyler nodded and sat on the arm of the chair.
"Yeah, great riding weather…"
Kate let out a small groan.
"Oh, don't remind me of that bike."
Maddie whacked her on the arm.
"Mum it's fine, he's a great driver!"
Maddie sat next to Tyler and intertwined her hand with his, Kate's eyes darted from their hands to Charlie. He could see she was a little thrown and cleared his throat distracting her.
"So, we're were just swapping Navy stories."
Tyler shifted forward in his seat, eager to hear more.
"Oh, got any good ones about Captain Flynn, you know a bit of leverage?"
Kate, Charlie and Maddie gave each other wary glances, Kate cleared her throat to change the subject.
"Anyway, you wanna stay for dinner?"
"Yeah, that would be great!"
Kate looked in Charlie's direction, he put on his best dazzling smile.
"Charlie, would you like to…"
"I thought you'd never ask…"
He took out his phone and opened the UberEats app.
"What does everyone like on their pizza?"
Kate got up hearing her phone buzz, it was Mike.
"Can't wait for Thursday. "
She hesitated and looked back at Charlie and the kids who were having a laugh.
Maddie jumped up from the couch distracting her attention from her phone.
"Mum! Please tell them pineapple is a fruit and does not belong on a pizza!"
Tyler tickled her waist, making her fall on top on him.
"Well, tomato is a fruit, and it's all over pizza.."
Maddie squealed as his tickling became more intense, Kate walked over to intervene.
"Okay, okay... she's gonna pass out, I'm serious, it's happened!"
Kate sat beside her and wrapped her arm around Maddie.
"And, my baby is right, it doesn't belong on a pizza."
Charlie's jaw dropped as he shook his head.
"Kate McGregor, I never! Well, that's it, I'm sorry, that's my deal breaker, we can't live happily ever after now!"
Charlie tried to hold in his chuckle as Kate scoffed and gave him a friendly shove.
"I'm heartbroken!"
End Chapter 11.
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