Chapter 19: 32557038
October 6, 1943
Bucky woke up to a bright light blinding him. At first he thought that this was it, that his number was finally up and he was crossing over to where his mom and dad hopefully were. He was oddly at peace with the sensation; he didn't regret taking Lu's place, he only regretted not spending more time with her in life.
But then the light moved, and he was left with nothing but spots in front of his eyes and a vague sense of self preservation. A man in a hospital mask appeared in his vision, and Bucky immediately moved to grab him by the throat. That's when he realized that his arms were tied to whatever chair he was on, and another cursory attempt at movement told him that his legs were tied down as well. Panic started seeping into his veins, ramping up as the doctor in the mask began laughing.
"Ah, yes. The first day is always the most difficult." he said. Bucky was willing himself to calm down, trying to think of the instructions in the sergeant's manual that he didn't read detailing what to do if captured. He had no cyanide pills, and had a whole hangar full of people to protect. Death was not going to be an option. "You still have the will to fight. Refreshing."
"Untie me, and we can talk about fighting." Bucky growled, pulling as hard as he could against the restraints. They barely gave, digging so sharply into his skin that he had to grit his teeth not to show his pain. The doctor simply chuckled again, moving off to the side to pick up something from a table. Bucky couldn't see it due to the light blindness, but it sounded distinctly metallic. That made him start sweating. The doctor returned to his position, idly twirling a scalpel in his hands.
"Now soldier, let's just start with a nice, polite chat. Perhaps some introductions." he said, his German accent thick as he carefully enunciated his words. "Can you tell me your name?"
His name seemed like the least of his worries, and Bucky knew that was the only information they weren't supposed to safeguard. "James Buchanan Barnes. United States Army. 32557038."
"Oh, and an identification number as well? Must be my lucky day." the doctor said. "And tell me, Mr. Barnes, what exactly was the Army planning to do after your little trip into Azzano?"
"Dunno." Bucky said shortly, trying to shrug with his restraints. The first thing about lying was that you wanted to speak as much truth as you could, so that you wouldn't be caught later. Steve taught him that back when they were still single-digit ages and they were out after the street lamps came on. The doctor tsked from behind his mask.
"Now, Mr. Barnes, surely you have a different answer than that for me?" he said in what was probably supposed to be a mollifying tone, but was instead just menacing. Bucky looked him dead in the eye, seeing no spark of life from a human, only a butcher figuring out what to do with the meat in front of him.
"James Buchanan Barnes. United States Army. 32557038." he said again. Technically it was a different answer. The doctor let out an annoyed breath through his nose.
"I had higher hopes for you, Mr. Barnes. Word has it that you offered yourself in place of one of your comrades. And now this? How disappointing." he said. He rested the blade of the scalpel on Bucky's forearm, looking at it as if he were envisioning where every tendon, vein, and nerve ran. The scalpel lightly trailed down his arm, as tender as a lover's touch but sending a shiver up Bucky's spine for an entirely different reason. It came to a stop on the back of his palm. "Where are the Allies gathering their forces?"
"James Buchanan Barnes. United States Army. 32557038." he repeated. The scalpel pressed into his skin, breaking it just enough to draw blood. Bucky kept his face nonchalant; he'd had worse before. Hell, he'd been shot for fuck's sake. A door opened somewhere outside the light, taking the doctor's attention away from him. Bucky seized the opportunity, ignoring the way the scalpel tore through his hand as he turned it, grabbing the blade and sinking it into the doctor's palm. The man let out a howl of pain, quickly stepping back away from him. The pain in his hand was worth the dramatic response he was getting.
"You piece of shit-" the doctor roughly pulled the blade from his hand, raring back as if he were about to slash Bucky's throat. It would be a slow end, but at least he didn't give up any information.
"Nein!" whoever walked in said roughly. The voice sounded familiar, though Bucky couldn't quite place it. He spoke in German to his counterpart, unaware that Bucky also understood. "He is one for the Ecclesiastes project."
Bucky immediately regretted not paying attention more in church. What the fuck happened in Ecclesiastes? "Surely we can make one sacrifice, Doctor." the first man said, slapping the bloody scalpel down onto the metal tray and grabbing some gauze, trying to stop the bleeding.
"No." the other doctor spoke firmly, leaving no room for argument. Now Bucky knew where he'd heard that voice before - it'd been in the field hospital, when he was dying of infection. Dr. Becker moved into the light, grinning at him like he was winning a game. "Hello, Sergeant Barnes. So nice to see you again."
"Fuck you." Bucky said back, earning a slap across the face. It wasn't enough to make anything bleed, just enough to rattle his brain a bit. Bucky looked back to him, giving the most nonplussed look he could manage. "Sorry. Where are my manners? Fuck you, Doctor."
"You are quite resilient, Sergeant Barnes. That was a nasty infection you had in your arm." he said, as if Bucky hadn't spoken again. It was almost posed as a question, Why are you so resilient? Did he not realize that Lu had helped him? Did he think he'd healed all on his own, from one dose of penicillin?
"Thanks. I drank a lot of milk as a kid." he said. That was also true; milk always left Steve with debilitating stomach cramps, so Bucky got to drink the one they got at lunch. Dr. Becker grabbed him by the chin, looking into each of his eyes with the turn of his head. Bucky let a lot of rude and indecent thoughts go through his mind, just in case the man could read it.
"Your resiliency will be tested, and if you survive...well, we shall welcome you to our cause with open arms. What do you say to that?" He acted as if he were offering Bucky the world on a silver platter. He didn't want it.
Bucky waited a long time before responding, letting the tension build. Dr. Becker thought he was scared, or considering proactively switching sides. He was going to be disappointed. Again. "Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. United States Army. 32557038."
Dr. Becker sighed in the same way his father had a million times in life. It didn't make Bucky feel guilty at all, he was rather immune to it. "Very well. The hard way then." he said, pulling a large syringe from his pocket. He turned to the first doctor, who still looked angry that Bucky had stabbed him and that his colleague had belittled him in front of the prisoner. "Take a vial of blood."
"Yes, Dr. Becker." the man said through gritted teeth. He grabbed some rubber tubing speckled with old blood and roughly tied it around Bucky's upper arm - a little tighter than was necessary, he thought. His veins immediately grew, and the doctor allowed for little fanfare before sinking a needle into one of them. He did not take the time to sanitize the area, only to push it in and get the blood he needed. When he was done, he did not cover the wound. Dr. Becker reappeared then, mask and gloves on and holding the syringe filled with some sort of yellow liquid. Something about it made Bucky very, very nervous. He tried to shift away as the doctor carefully wiped his arm with an alcohol-soaked rag, but he held him with a surprising strength. He stuck the needle with surprising gentleness despite the rough hold on his arm, and Bucky had no choice but to watch as the syringe dumped the yellow liquid into him.
At first, he thought nothing would happen. Perhaps it would just be a sedative, or some vitamins to fortify him before whatever torture they were planning next. But then the fire came. It felt like it was ravaging him from the inside out, the burning traveling up his arm until it flared in his chest. He couldn't stop the gasp of pain then as the heat spread through his whole body, surely charring every inch of his insides. How was he still alive? How was he not burnt to a crisp?
"Take his blood again, then return him to his cage." Dr. Becker's voice seemed very distant, and this time Bucky didn't even feel the needle as the first doctor took another sample. All he could feel was fire, his jaw cramping as he clenched his teeth against the pain. He tried not to cry out, not to give them the satisfaction of his agony, but he couldn't help the few grunts from escaping. The first doctor was speaking to him, but he couldn't hear it over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. The world seemed foggy - or smoky, rather - and when another syringe appeared he couldn't even fight back.
Luckily, this one was a sedative.
Lu was the last to awaken in her cage. Logically, she knew it was probably due to her smaller stature and slower metabolism than the men, but it still scared her when she woke up to find the six of them just staring at her. She immediately shot up to a seated position, nearly losing consciousness again as gravity took her blood away from her head. Even with her vision swimming, she pushed herself away from the group until her back hit the metal bars.
"Geeze, sleeping beauty, take it down a notch." Mullens said. Her vision still wasn't quite clear, but she could hear another one of the men smack him on the back of the head. She pulled her knees in to her chest, taking slow and measured breaths as everything settled. She looked to one of the older men, Wilson. He was one that she could trust to give her answers.
"What happened?" she asked. She realized then that the men looked a little worse for wear, moreso than just spending a day or two in a cage.
"They're trying to get information." Wilson said. He sounded tired, and he held himself in a way that said his ribs were at least bruised, if not broken. Lu was confused; how could they get information if they were unconscious the whole time? She looked down at herself, but couldn't find any new bumps or bruises that weren't there before they'd been gassed. Maybe Bucky had the answer?
She turned her head to ask him, but noticed his glaring absence from the cage next to her. Wilson and the other men in her cage were gone from her mind as she scrambled to the edge, getting the attention of Dugan. "Dugan. Dugan, where's Barnes?"
Dugan ran his hand over his mustache, hesitating to answer. "They took him." he said, in the same way a child talks when they don't want to get in trouble. Equivocation, she thought the word was. Her annoyance at him hiding the whole truth momentarily clouded over her panic.
"Dugan?" she asked again, her voice shaking slightly and betraying how worried she was. Dugan looked down at his hands, and before he could come up with a satisfactory answer Mullens cut him off.
"Listen, Princess. You're here, untouched, and he's gone. Do the math." he said. Lu spared a glare over her shoulder at him, her ire rising as she spotted the anger in his own eyes. What, was he mad that he got taken and she got left behind? How in the hell was she supposed to help that?
"Dugan?" she said, looking back at someone more trustworthy. Behind her, she heard Mullens moving away, saying something under his breath that she couldn't quite hear. Dugan looked a little bashful.
"I don't know for sure what happened...but when they gassed you, he yelled something to them in German. And they took him instead." he said. Ice replaced the heat in her blood, her stomach dropping to her shoes.
"No. No, tell me he wouldn't be so stupid." she said. Dugan gave a dry laugh and a sad smile, shaking his head. One of the other guys shifted to their side of the cage, looking just as pitiful.
"You know as well as I do that he is, in fact, that stupid." Falsworth said, resting his hands on the bars. She finally stood up then, ignoring the lightheadedness as she paced in her small corner.
"But why? Why would he do that?" she said, her heart thrumming painfully in her chest. Why were the rest of the guys from her cage back, but he was still gone? How long ago did they take him? When had the others returned? So many questions swirled around in her head, but she couldn't grasp onto any of them. It was unlikely they would have any answers anyway.
"I could take a guess." Dugan said with a smirk that caused a blush to rise unbidden into Lu's cheeks. She was saved from having to continue that conversation as the elevator sounded again, the doors opening and spilling light into the dark room. Two more people in hazmat suits, with a single body on a cart between them. The person was obviously still alive, twitching and moving slightly in their unconsciousness. The light behind them kept her from making out the details of their face, but the hair...she wanted to say it was familiar, but was afraid to hope so.
She finally let out a breath as the cart stopped next to her cage, letting her see Bucky's face. He was obviously in pain, even when asleep, but at least he was alive. The men stood across at his cage, holding two batons that sparked with electricity and swatting them through the bars at the occupants, who backed away into the corner. While she still had a moment of opportunity, she reached through her own bars, grasping Bucky's clammy hand. Even unconscious he gripped her fingers tightly, not wanting to let go. And she didn't want to let go either.
"No!" one of the men said. It was probably one of few words he knew in English. He smacked her arm with the baton, the charge going through both her and Bucky at the contact. She stumbled back, falling to the side and nearly crashing her head into the metal bars as she sank to her knees. Her heart was palpitating thanks to the electricity, making her feel like she couldn't breathe. Her skin was singed where the baton had hit her, the scent of burning flesh making her stomach roll. She heard the metal clang as they opened the cage next to her, dumping Bucky onto the floor. She forced herself to look up, to make sure that he was really there.
They closed the cage and left without another word, the scraping sounds of the elevator deafening as it echoed through the large room. His cagemates hesitated, looking at him on the ground and wondering what to do.
"Doc?" Dugan asked her this time. She didn't know if he actually knew she was on the medical staff, or if he'd simply heard Bucky call her that. She thought about saying the usual response - not a doctor - but it died in her throat. That answer was between her and Bucky.
"Lay him on his back. Stabilize his head." she said, her voice quiet but steady as she tried to make her assessment from ten feet away. The men leapt into action, moving Bucky's arms and legs and trying to turn him. "Gently! Gently. We don't know where he's hurt."
"We didn't get this special treatment." Mullens remarked from the corner. Lu didn't think he deserved a response, and instead maintained her focus on the man she actually cared about. Once Bucky was settled, an Asian man stepped forward.
"Hey, I'm Morita." he said, rolling his eyes as she flinched at his appearance. "Yea yea yea. I'm from Fresno, Doc, chill out." he added, latching onto the nickname that Bucky started and that the boys in his cage were spreading. Dugan rolled his own eyes at the man's response, crossing his arms.
"Sorry, I - sorry." she finished lamely. She knew they were in this together, and that there was more than one country that made up Asia, but she also still remembered the glaring red eyes from the Japanese planes as they flew past Pearl Harbor. She pushed down her prejudice, knowing that it was unwarranted and unnecessary at a time like this.
"I have some field medic experience, but I'm not certified like you. So you gotta tell me what to look for." he said, kneeling down next to Bucky. He was still now after the electric shock, too still for Lu's liking.
"Is he breathing? Or is anything blocking his airway?" she asked. She didn't know how much knowledge or experience Morita had, so she was going to have to start with the basics.
"ABC's? On it." he said, checking Bucky's airway and breathing, and then pinching his fingertips and lower legs to check for circulation. "Good to go. Next?"
"Is he bleeding from anywhere?" she asked, pressing her face between the bars to try and see better. A scoff came from behind her, likely from Mullens, but she ignored it. "You may have to look close."
"Looks like there's some needle marks up here." Morita said, pointing to a dark patch on the inner elbow of Bucky's olive green henley undershirt. "There's also a slice here on his hand, but it doesn't look too bad. Neither one of 'em's seeping, anyway."
"Good, that's good. Any broken bones?" she went down the list, holding her breath as he gently patted Bucky down, looking for any gross deformities in his skeleton. He looked up, shaking his head no. Lu thought about instructing him in reflexes, or neural checks, but decided that would be too much for now. Instead she sat back on her heels, not taking her eyes off Bucky.
"What's next, Doc?" Morita asked, still poised to continue the examination. She could feel her shoulders sagging, and made an effort to try and sit up straighter, despite the protest from her body.
"Now we wait for him to wake up." she said. It didn't come out as confidently as she was hoping. Morita nodded, standing back up and giving Bucky some space. Every minute seemed to crawl by after that, all of them watching to see if there was any movement from him. The elevator clattered back to the floor and they all looked in a panic, wondering if it would be their turn to get gassed and taken. But it was just the same people in hazmat suits with the bags of food, going through the same motions of tossing them onto the roof and allowing them to drop into the cages. Falsworth was one step ahead of everyone, moving to snatch the bag out of the air before it could land on the unconscious Bucky. He was back to twitching in his sleep, his face contorted in pain, but Lu much preferred that to the eerie stillness of earlier.
The lights went out shortly after that, and Lu was giving herself a headache as she tried to see in the dark. She heard as the men organized in their cage, laying down to get what little rest they could. But she stayed awake, curled up in the corner closest to the other cage, waiting to see or hear anything from Bucky. Her eyes strained and began to fatigue, her body begging her to rest like the others. It's dark, her neurotransmitters said. Dark means sleep.
She wasn't sure when exactly she succumbed to the fatigue, but she did snap awake some time later. At first she thought it was just her own anxiety that woke her, but then she heard a whisper in the dark. "Doc?"
"Barnes? Hey. You're okay." she said, reaching out in the dark towards his voice. Once again, she was reminded that they couldn't touch each other, but the ghost of his hand still lingered on her fingertips. What she would give just to hold him right now!
"I dunno. That shit hurt pretty bad." he whispered. She liked to think he was speaking so softly so as to not wake his neighbors, but she had the sneaking suspicion that he just couldn't physically speak louder at this point.
"Where at?" she asked. It felt stupid as soon as the words left her mouth.
"Everywhere." he answered. She heard him take a sharp breath in pain, then fall silent. The pain wasn't the same as it was before, but it definitely lingered. But the thing that worried him most was that this was the first round, the warm up; the bigger fights were coming up. He was silent for a long time, longer than she liked.
"Barnes?" she asked, hearing him breathe again. "You alive?"
"Yea." he said, in an effort to sound fine. It made his chest hurt. "Yea, Doc, I'm alive."
"Barnes?" she asked again, this time quieter, gentler. "Why did you tell them to take you instead?"
The air left him for a different reason other than pain this time. Why would she ask him that? Especially now, of all times? He thought the answer was obvious, the words coming up and sticking in his throat. Because I love you, of course. But he held them in, choking them back down to the part of his heart that these Nazi bastards would never get to.
"I'm not saying it, Doc." he said. He shifted slightly, looking to the spot where her voice was coming from. "Not here. Not like this."
"Barnes…" she trailed off, leaving the question or statement or reply hanging in the air between them.
"You're a smart girl, Doc. I think you know." he said, trying to bring up some bold flirtation that he would have given at a different time. It fell flat. "Now, get some rest. I'll still be alive when the lights come back on."
"Damn well better." she said, her own humor not as present as she'd hoped. He heard her shift to get more comfortable, and followed her lead. The metal floor of the cage was anything but cozy, but it was leagues better than the chair he'd been in earlier. The pain was even starting to ebb away, leaving him with a dull warmth instead of the fire. He could live with that. He could come back from that.
He had to. After all, he promised he'd still be there in the morning.
Our poor baby Bucky! Being all tough! I'm curious, cause one (excellent) reviewer mentioned which timeline was their favorite - which one is yours? 1943, or 2014? I love them both, tbh.
I seriously can't thank y'all enough for your love on this story. I cherish each and every review, and they're what keeps me going! I almost wasn't gonna write this week after the stress of everything going on in the world, but I felt it might be a fun piece of escapism. I hope it brought a smile to y'all's faces.
Please let me know what you thought!
-XM
