Chapter 18: Us against the world
Even when it was past midnight Sabrina continued awake in her bed.
Prudence, in the bed next to hers, slept soundly. She couldn't help but feel a bit of envy because she couldn't sleep, she kept thinking about what had happened with Nick just a few hours ago.
It still seemed unreal.
Nick coming to her dorm asking for a chance.
She saying yes to him.
In the end it all came down to taking the risk or losing the opportunity. And she decided to risk it all and give Nick and the new feelings he awoke in her a chance, but now her decision had left her in a rather complex situation because now she had to tell Harvey what had happened and she didn't know how to do it.
Sabrina knew she had to tell him.
Tell him that she was feeling something for someone else. But, how to do it? She didn't want to hurt him.
But she knew in the end she would.
She let out a sigh before turning in bed, looking for a more comfortable position. She needed to sleep but couldn't stop thinking about whether or not she had made the right decision.
Was it safe to give Nick a chance or was she making a big mistake?
She didn't know.
When sleep finally claimed her she still had no answers for her questions.
Sabrina woke up early and stayed in bed for a few minutes thinking in her current dilemma.
In daylight what she had done seemed more real.
In less than an hour Nick would be there, waiting for her because she had agreed to meet him that morning. Her heart began to beat faster when she thought about him and she tried to ignore it but it was impossible. Now that she had allowed herself to feel, she couldn't control her emotions anymore.
And she didn't want to. She wanted to feel freely.
What she felt for Nick was so different to the calm and familiarity she felt around Harvey. The uncontrollable emotion that assaulted her every time she was close to Nick was something she had never felt before. And she was becoming addicted to the sensation.
Sabrina got out of the bed with a single thought in her mind, she had to tell Harvey the truth, let him know what was happening and soon, but it was not easy to tell him that he had been right, that she had met someone else and that she wanted to be with him.
Harvey was already having a bad time with the accident of his father and his temporal resignation from Art School and she was going to make things worse. And she hated herself for it.
She didn't want to hurt Harvey.
She needed to find a way to tell him, but, above all, she needed time.
Sabrina sighed. She took her time deciding what to wear that day. She couldn't help but feel a bit nervous, after all, this could be considered her first date with Nick.
"Why are you up so early?" Prudence asked from her bed, she let out a yawn at the end of her question.
"I have something to do"
"So early?" Prudence insisted, she looked at Sabrina "I didn't asked yesterday but… how was your conversation with Nick? You came back pretty late" her roommate felt her cheeks burn and Prudence smiled satisfied "I knew it! So… are you his girlfriend now?"
"We haven't talked about labeling yet" Sabrina answered her, she couldn't help thinking that maybe they should have talked about it. Prudence looked at her with a mysterious look in her face "Do you think this looks good?" she couldn't help asking. She showed her a green turtleneck sweater and a pair of black pants.
"You're asking me what to wear?" her roommate said surprised "Well, I guess that being you it's fine"
"Thank you" Sabrina replied sarcastically.
She gathered her clothes and her personal hygiene supplies and went to the shower. When she came back Prudence was still on her bed scrolling in her phone with no intentions of getting up soon.
"Can I ask you something?" Prudence said suddenly.
"Umm?"
"What happened to the boyfriend?" she asked "What was his name… Harry?"
"Harvey" Sabrina rectified "I have to talk to him"
"What are you going to tell him?"
"I don't know, Prudence, I haven't think about it yet" she lied. She had been thinking about it all night but still have no answer.
Prudence just nodded but didn't add anything else, Sabrina was finishing applying her red lipstick when someone knocked on the door.
Nick.
She hurried to finish, put on her coat and took her bag before leaving the dorm with a quick goodbye to Prudence who answered with an absent gesture of her hand and went back to put her attention on her phone.
"Hi" Sabrina said a little breathlessly when she closed the door behind her.
"Hi"
Nick and Sabrina looked at each other without knowing very well what to say to the other.
He wasn't going to admit it but he was nervous too. He had never done this before.
He had never tried to do this before.
"Did you sleep well?" Nick knew it was a stupid question and he regretted it the moment it left his lips. Where was his silver tongue when he need it? He run a hand through his hair trying and failing to hide his nervousness. Sabrina nodded even when it wasn't true "That's good… eh, ready to go?"
"Sure"
They walked side by side and left the campus in silence. While they walked their hands constantly brushed, and after a moment of hesitation Nick slowly approached his fingers and intertwined them with hers. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and looked up with a half-sided smile on his lips, Sabrina smiled back at him but there was some tightness in the corners of her mouth.
He stopped and she did so.
"Spellman?" she looked at him "Something's wrong?"
She denied with a shake of her head.
"You are uncomfortable" Nick insisted "I'm sorry"
"Don't do it" she said when he tried to release her hand "It's not that"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I like it but…" Sabrina admitted.
"But? What is it then?" she looked down unsure if she should tell him what was bothering her "Talk to me, Spellman" he asked her "You can tell me anything"
She let out a sigh. She really needed to say it aloud but didn't know how Nick would react to her dilemma.
"It's Harvey" she replied with her eyes still down "I don't know how to tell him, that you and I..." she hesitated a bit "He had been going through a difficult time and I don't want to hurt him more"
Nick didn't say anything at first, he brought his free hand to her chin and made her look at him. When she finally looked into his eyes, he talked.
"Take your time, the right moment will come eventually"
"Doesn't it bother you that I don't tell him right away?"
He shrugged.
"What matters to me is that you are well" he told her and Sabrina didn't know how but she was certain he was honest. She liked him even more for that "Tell him when you're ready, it's fine for me. I can wait"
She kissed him on the cheek leaving him astonished. A warm sensation spread through his body overwhelming him, there was something infinitely sweet in the gesture.
"Thank you" she told him as explanation for the kiss "For understanding me. Harvey is also my friend and I don't want to hurt him"
Nick nodded, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"Breakfast?" he asked trying to lighten the mood.
She smiled at him and this time her smile reflected in her eyes.
"Yes, please, I'm starving"
"Let's go, then"
He didn't let go of her hand, not even when they entered to the café and the cheerful bell of the door greeted them. They sat at a table by the window, Sabrina took off her scarf and coat before taking a seat. The atmosphere inside the café was warm and cozy, perfect for a winter morning in which the scarce snow of the previous night still accumulated on the sidewalk. Nick took off his own scarf and coat and sat in front of her.
"It's a bit strange, isn't it?" he commented and Sabrina looked at him confused "This. Us"
Sabrina shrugged.
"I don't think strange is the right word… it more like, new. Different"
Nick nodded.
"Sabrina… I…"
Nick couldn't say more because at that moment the waiter arrived, they ordered hot chocolate and croissants. Once the waiter left, Nick and Sabrina stayed silent, he didn't know how to continue what he was about to say to her, the moment suddenly broken by the interruption. The awkwardness returned and neither of them was sure of how to behave around the other.
They stayed in silence looking everywhere except the other eyes until the waiter returned with their order.
"This smells delicious" Sabrina commented after inhaling the aroma of the hot chocolate, she felt the need to break the ice and end with the awkwardness of the situation.
"They serve the best hot chocolate I've ever had" he told her.
Sabrina took a sip. She took her time to relish in the flavor of the warm chocolate.
"Mmm…" she exclaimed "You're right. It's the best I ever had too, but don't tell my aunt Hilda I said so or she'll kill me" Sabrina added with a smile.
When she lifted her eyes, she saw that Nick was looking at her with an expression that was a mix of longing and something else she couldn't quite recognize.
"What?"
"You are beautiful, Spellman"
"Nick…" she said in a tone between reproach and wonder.
"It's true" he said "You are"
"There is no need to flatter me, you know" she hesitated before saying her next words "I want to try this, Nick"
Nick extended his hand to take hers, his thumb brushed her skin giving her goosebumps. He smiled at her.
"Thank you" he said and she looked at him confused "For doing this, for giving me a chance"
"Why?" she couldn't help ask "Why me?"
"You probably won't believe me but you're pretty special, Spellman" Nick told her "Your fearless and passionate, you care for the others and… God, I even like your stubbornness" he admitted with a smile, she smiled too "You don't let the challenges stop you, you face them. And you make me feel different... You made me a better person"
Sabrina was speechless. The deepness of Nick's feelings for her was bigger than she had imagined, this wasn't a game or a simple whim for him. This was something more and it scared and pleased her in equal parts.
"You're a good person, Nick" she said but he denied with his head "Yes, you are" Sabrina sighed before talking, she nibbled her lower lip. He had been honest with her and she needed to be sincere too "At first, I was scared of what I was feeling for you… but I can't live my life thinking what´s if? I won't lie you, I'm still a bit scared"
"Don't be" he squeezed her hand "I won't hurt you"
"I know" she told him "You made me feel different too, Nick"
She smiled at him and Nick smiled back, and just like that she knew they'll be fine.
She had made the right decision.
Sabrina and Nick were walking back to her residence after their breakfast together, things felt different now, they were more relaxed, holding hands and laughing about something Nick had just said. When Sabrina looked at the front of the residence she saw Elspeth, she was looking at them with a shocked expression on her face. She stopped and Nick did it too.
"Sabrina?" he followed the direction of her gaze confused by her sudden quietness, an understanding expression appeared on his face when he saw Sabrina's friend in front of them "Your friend is looking us" she nodded, her eyes still on Elspeth "Spellman, are you ok?"
"Ah… yes, of course it just…"
"You don't want people to know that we are together?" Nick couldn't help but ask, Sabrina noticed some insecurity in his voice even when he tried to hide it.
"No" she said vehemently "It's not that but… People will start talking and I don't like it"
"Let them talk, Sabrina. At least this time everything they say is going to be true" he brushed her cheek.
She leaned towards him and gave him a kiss, Sabrina pulled away from him and looked at his eyes, she smiled.
"I'm don't care if people knows about us, Nick" she told him. Nick nodded.
"See you tomorrow?" he asked her and Sabrina agreed. He kissed her a last time before leaving.
She continued walking towards the residence, she knew Elspeth would have something to tell her about what she had just seen. Sabrina took a deep breath to prepare herself.
"Tell me that what I just saw is not real" Elspeth said when Sabrina was reaching her side "You… and Nick Scratch? Together?"
Sabrina shrugged one of her shoulders.
"Yes, we are together"
"I don't understand. You said you were just friends" Sabrina bit her lower lip "Are you sure about what you are doing, Sabrina?"
"What do you mean?" Sabrina said, her tone slightly on the defensive "Elspeth?"
"He had a bad reputation, Sabrina, he is a player and…"
"He is not playing with me if that what you are implying"
"How can you be sure?"
"I trust him, Elspeth"
"Sabrina…"
"Elspeth, look" Sabrina sighed "I don't want to be rude but you don't know him, Nick is... Yes, I know he has his past but I'm not going to judge him for it. He told me it's over and I believe him"
"You really like him"
Sabrina felt her cheeks blush a bit.
"Yes" she admitted "I do"
Elspeth sighed.
"I'm sorry, Sabrina, I didn't mean to meddle in your life but…" she shook her head "You're right I don't know him and shouldn't have talked as I did but people talk and I can't help but worry about you"
"I know" Sabrina sighed "But you have to believe me, I trust him. I really do"
"I don't want to see you hurt, Sabrina. That's all" Elspeth insisted.
"I know" Sabrina repeated "You're a good friend, Elspeth"
"Just be careful, Sabrina"
"He won't hurt me"
Sabrina was surprised, after all her doubts last night now she had more clarity about the situation. About the sincerity of Nick. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, she knew she had done the right thing and couldn't help feeling a little upset at her friend's suspicion. While she didn't know Nick as well as she wanted, she could recognize the sincerity in his gaze and in his words.
"Everything is going to be ok, Elspeth" Sabrina told her "I should go now" she added "I need to get some books for my class"
Her friend nodded understanding.
"See you later, then"
"Yeah. See you" Sabrina said before continue walking in direction to her room.
Nick had just arrived to his apartment after finish his afternoon tutoring and was hanging his coat when he heard his phone ring, he took it out of his pocket hoping it wasn't Amalia again. She had insisted in contacting him, calling and texting him constantly since he told her no.
Maybe he should change his number so she couldn't try to contact him anymore.
But it wasn't Amalia who had texted him. It was Sabrina.
Did you get home? said the message.
That simple message meant a lot to him and Sabrina didn't know it. It was the first time in a very long time someone cared for him and the warm feeling caused by the message although foreign was pleasant. He smiled and was about to answer her when someone knocked on his door.
I just got home, he wrote quickly, I'll call you later.
Whoever was waiting outside knocked again, Nick sent the message to Sabrina before opening the door. He was surprised to find Ambrose Spellman in the other side.
"Scratch" Ambrose said in an atypically serious tone
"Ambrose"
"We need to talk"
Although confused by his friend's words, Nick stepped aside to let him enter.
"What do you want to talk about it?" Nick asked him after closing the door "Please take a sit"
Ambrose didn't.
"When did you intend to tell me?"
Nick looked at him confused.
"Tell you what?"
Ambrose looked at him with a raised eyebrow, this time on his face there was no trace of his usual relaxed attitude, he was strangely serious.
"When were you going to tell me about you and Sabrina? Ah?"
"How…? How did you know?"
"News fly fast, Scratch" Ambrose sighed "Look, Nick, you are my friend but Sabrina is the more important person for me and… And even when part of me really like the idea of you two together… I know you and I don't want to see her hurt"
"I won't hurt her, Ambrose" Nick told him "I know I don't have the best reputation in the world, I've acted badly in the past but… It's different with Sabrina"
Ambrose's eyes narrowed. Tonight, he wasn't his friend, he was a man on a mission.
"What are your intentions with her?" he asked.
"What do you mean, Ambrose?"
"You know what I'm talking about, Sabrina won't be a girl you can use and discard later and I'm not saying this only because she is my cousin, I'm telling you because I know her, she'll stick around, so if you're only looking fun you should look elsewhere"
"I know, Ambrose. I'm not playing with her" he looked at him in the eyes "I care for her, I really liked her and I promise you I would never hurt her"
"Take care of her" Ambrose asked him "I'm surprised she decided to be with you" he wasn't going to tell to Nick about what he had talked with his cousin but he never expected Sabrina to do something like that, she was so stubborn in her love for Harvey, he couldn't help wondering what had made her change her mind "Although she want to pretend she is a mature woman Sabrina is still too naïve and I don't want to see her hurt"
"I won't do such a thing, Ambrose" Nick insisted "You must to believe me"
Ambrose nodded.
"I appreciate you, man but if you harm a single hair of Sabrina's head I'll forget we've ever been friends" Ambrose's words sounded threatening, and if it had been anyone else Nick would have been angry, but he knew his friend was simply worried about Sabrina "And I'll kill you"
