The sky is blue, and bright, and a little deceiving. It looked like it was gonna be a warmer day, but it's just as freezing cold as any other we've had. We keep the heat on medium, so we don't over heat bundled up like we are, but I can still feel the frost nipping at my nose. At least the drive is pretty.
"I miss donuts."
"What?"
"Donuts," Nanda says in the back of the truck, "I miss not having donuts."
"Jessie makes donuts."
"Yeah, but they're just the ones rolled in cinnamon sugar."
"And?" Lourdes questions.
"I liked the maple bars."
"Those were trash."
"Oh, like you didn't eat them?"
"No, disgusting."
I look over at Lourdes with an arched brow. "I saw you eat a donut with maple and bacon on it in the break room once."
"That was when I was going through shit with Simon," She defends, "When I'm upset, I'll eat anything. Even gross ass maple donuts."
"I can't believe that guy at The Sanctuary used to be your dude," Nanda says, "I mean, he's not not attractive, but I don't see the appeal."
"He's got a big dick and he knows how to use it."
"Lourdes!"
"What? She's twenty-two."
I give her a look. I'm sort of protective over Nanda and her sister, I won't lie and say I'm not. I had to look after them when the world changed and they were parentless. It doesn't matter that they're both technically adults now; I still look after them.
"...How big?" Nanda asks.
"Don't answer that."
Lourdes rolls her eyes, before looking at Nanda and suggesting how big without words.
"...Hey, Pip, how big is Coach Negan?"
I nearly hit the breaks. "What?"
"While we're on the subject."
"We're not on the subject," I make clear through the rearview mirror, "And stop calling him 'Coach.' He's not your gym coach anymore."
"Sorry, it's all I ever called him until now."
"Well, knock it off."
"Fine, jeez."
Lourdes twirls a strand of her hair. "Bigger than Simon."
I step on the break a little on purpose.
Lourdes jerks forward a little, putting out her hand. "Jesus, Pippa! What the fuck are you doing?"
"I told you to stop."
"No, you shot me a look," She fires back, "That's not saying shit."
"Well, I'm fucking saying it now."
"Whatever." She grumbles. "Just fucking go, so we can fucking get home." She calls me a whore in Spanish, which she knows I understand, and mumbles a few other rude words about me and Negan.
Nanda goes quiet in the back for a few minutes. "Sorry."
"It's fine." I curtly reply.
We had gone to a town where a veterinary clinic was marked on the map. We need to keep our private supply of meds stocked up, so we've been searching anywhere on the downlow. Negan can't expect us not to hold out on him there and if so, fuck him. Medicine is crucial and can't be spared willy-nilly like our food can. Unfortunately we didn't find anything today.
When we finally get back to Halcyon, you could cut the tension with a knife. I let Nanda out of the truck before I drive it around to park it. Lourdes gets out and slams the door, trudging off to go home.
"She's got a quarter left in the tank."
"Alright, we'll fill her up."
"Thanks."
"I think Mer wanted to talk to you."
"Yeah, probably to ask about meds." I exhale, watching Lourdes walk off towards her house.
I head in the same direction after her. She hasn't been alright with me since Negan and I came home after being gone all night. I can't say I blame her, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let her get away shit.
"Hey!"
"What?" She says, not stopping.
"Don't talk like that around the Patels."
She scoffs. "They're not babies."
"I don't care, I said don't talk about it in front of them," I retort, "Especially anything to do with Negan."
"Oh, why?" She turns around. "They already know about you and him."
"Because I said so."
"I'm not one of your kids, so you're gonna have to give a better explanation than that."
I stare at her, growing more and more infuriated.
"Oh, because you still wanna bury your head in the ground and pretend people around here don't know?" She huffs with an incredulous chuckle. "I think you blew the lid off that one when you got caught climbing over the back wall."
I glide my tongue along my teeth. I think I could hit her.
She stares back at me with defiance. "People knew why you made a deal with him the moment you brought him here."
The door to my house opens up. "Hi, Mom!"
I break my hard gaze from Lourdes'. "Hi, Abel."
"Hi, Lourdes!"
Lourdes turns around. "Hi, bebé."
"We walked Cleo for you."
"Oh, thank you," She smiles at him, "I appreciate that."
"Martin said she needed a bath, so we gave her one, too."
"Martin?" I furrow my brows. "Where's Lydia?"
"Her stomach hurt, so Martin told her to go home."
I sigh. "Okay," I look back to Lourdes, "We'll continue this later."
"Yeah, we'll see." She scoffs as she walks to her house. She whistles and Cleo comes barreling out of my house and towards hers.
"Come in, Mom."
"In a little bit, baby." I smile at him, trying to ignore the people who just saw that little spat, "I've gotta go talk to Meredith."
"I wanna come!"
"Alright, come on." I take his hand.
Together, we walk to the hospital. Abel talks and I listen to him explain how to properly hold a compass to get the best read, according to Martin. Martin also told them how to read a compass, but he doesn't explain that because I'm sure he didn't quite get it.
"Did you know north is up?" He points up, indicating north's place on a compass.
"What?" I sound astonished. "I thought south was on top."
"Nope, Martin said it's north."
"Well, I'll be darned," I open the door to the hospital, "You learn something new everyday."
"Yep."
Meredith and Ravinder are in the front room, which is just off from the exam and recovery rooms. Meredith is working at her desk, while Rav's over by the window with her plants and notebook.
"Hey."
They both look over. "Hello."
"Hi." Abel waves at the doctor as he passes her to go to Ravinder.
She smiles at him before looking at me."How's the cold?"
"Much better now that he's taking his medicine." I raise my brow at Abel.
"I take it you didn't find anything."
"What gave that away?"
"You're empty handed."
I give an apologetic face. "No luck. Sorry."
Meredith sighs through her nose. "Well, we're okay for now, but-"
"We need to be better than 'for now'," I finish her sentence, "I know and we'll find more."
"I know, I'm just a worry wart about these things."
"Well, I'll find some," I tell her again, "And I'll...tell Negan he can't take from our medical stock when they come again."
"You think he'll listen?" She asks, curious for the answer. Everyone's so curious of that answer.
"I'll talk to him."
Meredith nods. "Okay, I'll trust your word."
"Thanks." I glance over at Ravinder and Abel.
"SKullcap has anti-inflammatory properties." She quietly tells Abel.
"It doesn't look like a skull." Abel says, peering up at the purple flowers.
"No." She chuckles under her breath. Her fingers gently scratch her other hand and arm, which are bandaged almost to the elbow.
"What happened to your arm?"
She meets my concerned eyes and touches her arm protectively. "Oh, it's nothing."
"It's a nasty burn," Meredith speaks up, "Photodermatitis. It blistered pretty severely this morning."
"What the hell happened?"
"Heracleum mantegazzianum," Ravinder winces, "Hogweed."
"Photoxic," Meredith says, "Skin becomes extremely vulnerable to sunlight after coming in contact with the plant's sap."
"I accidentally found a stalk yesterday while I was out looking for some tansy."
"Ouch."
"I managed to sketch it," She opens her book, "It looks so pretty and innocent."
I take a look at the sketch.
"But it's really dangerous," Rav continues, "It can even cause blindness, if exposed to the eyes."
I look at her in faint horror. "What like permanently?"
"Sometimes."
"Shit," I peer down at the sketch again, "Where the hell is that so we know to avoid it?"
"It's down off Earnshaw Road," She tells me, "A few miles past the cabin."
"Jesus," I curse, "Maybe we should cut it down."
"You do that, you wanna be covered head to toe." Meredith huffs.
I nod my head, looking at Ravinder's bandaged arm. Now that I'm closer, I can see some blistering on her exposed fingers.
"Mom, I'm thirsty."
"Alright, let's go home," I encourage him along, "See ya later."
"I'm hungry, too."
"Any more complaints?"
"You don't have to make dinner; Martin's making meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
"He is?"
"Yep."
"Hm." I open the door to my house, hit with the smell of herbs. My eyes find Martin in the kitchen by the stove. "Venison meatloaf?"
"Yep," Abel says, "And corn because Martin said we need a vegetable."
"I say that all the time and you complain."
"Yeah, but I like corn."
"You like green beans, too, and you still whine about eating them." I wiggle his arm. I look over at Martin's back. "Thanks for taking over for Lydia."
"Find any meds?"
"No, we didn't."
He nods without breaking focus of mashing the potatoes.
"Hey, Mom."
I turn my head. "Hey, punk. How was your day?"
"Good," He tells me, "Hey, can I go fishing with Martin tomorrow?"
"Fishing?"
"Yeah, he's gonna go fishing tomorrow and he said I could go if you said it was okay."
"Oh, um…" I glance back to Martin at the stove, "I guess it'd be okay."
"Cool, thanks, Mom."
"Sure."
"I wanna go, too."
"You're not invited." Jolyon says to his brother.
"Am, too!" Abel argues back.
"No, you're not," Jolyon retorts, "He wasn't talking to you."
"Mom!"
"Actually, I want you to stay home with me, kiddo," I pet his head, "You still sound a little congested."
"No, I'm all better." He says, wiping his leaky nose with the back of his hand.
"Ew." Jolyon makes a face at the trail of mucus.
"Go wash your hands."
"I wanna go fishing with them, too, Mom."
"Another day," I shoo him to the bathroom, "When you're not all stuffed up."
"That's not fair." He sighs.
"Well, fair isn't fair on the same day."
"I don't like it when you say that."
"No one does." I chuckle.
"Thanks." Jolyon rolls his eyes as Abel tucks into the bathroom.
I smile lightly, before being drawn back to the kitchen by the aromas. The timer by the stove tick-tick-ticks. Martin hasn't turned around once. Not even to greet me.
"Smells good."
"Uh-huh."
I bite my lip. "Can I assume you're staying for dinner?"
"Nah, I'll go," He says, "The meatloaf should be done in fifteen."
"You don't have to go," I tell him, "You cooked the meal, you might as well stay to eat it."
"I'll take some to go."
"Stay and eat."
He finally looks over at me with a raised brow. Did I sound desperate?
"You have to stay, Martin," Abel says, drying his hands on his shirt, "To make sure we like it."
Martin cracks an amused smile. "I don't need to stick around to know you'll like it."
"Yeah, you do," Abel argues, "Please?"
"Yeah, okay. I'll stay for dinner," Martin gives in, "But only if you and your brother set the table."
"Deal."
"Alright."
I smile when he looks my way, but he doesn't smile back.
…
I look at my hands which were made dry from washing the dishes after dinner. My mom always told my sister and I to keep our hands moisturised because hands can tell your age. She always told us to take care of our skin, which Audrey and I used to roll our eyes at but would then do as we were told, even years after we moved out of the house.
I miss them. I miss my father. I try not to think about them as much as possible. It doesn't do you any favors to keep looking back. Too much what ifs and guilt and regret. Like how I can't shake not waiting longer for Negan now that I know he did come to the house.
But what's worse is I chose not to look for Audrey and her family. When we headed towards Chesapeake, we could have taken a detour and gone to Richmond, but I had heard rumors about the city being completely turned over. I couldn't take a baby and a small child through a city, where the dead were bound to move in droves. I don't think my dad forgave me for that, even though he said he understood.
Martin clears his throat. "I'm gonna head home."
I look up from my hands. My eyes move across the room where one kid lays asleep on his bed, while the other is curled up on the couch. When did they fall asleep?
"See ya later."
I stand up from my chair. "I'll walk you out."
"The door's right there." He scoffs, putting on his jacket, "I can manage."
"Stop being an asshole and let me walk you out."
"Oh, I'm being an asshole?"
"Yeah," I say boldly, "You are."
"How is that?"
I twist my lips to the side. "Nevermind, just go."
"If you say so," He goes to the door, "I'll be by to get Jolyon bright and early tomorrow."
"Okay," I fold my arms, "Thanks for taking him."
"Yep."
I watch him leave."Hey."
"What?"
"I'm sorry I called you an asshole," I sigh, "I didn't mean it."
"Yeah, you did."
"Yeah…"
A smile tips in the corners of his mouth. "Take a walk with me, brat."
I look at him and I have to stifle a smile before I get my jacket. I shut the door quietly. "Where are you taking me?"
"You're walking me home."
"Because the streets are rough at night?"
"Yeah, a guy can't be too careful."
I chuckle a little. "We can't afford you getting hurt being so okayish on meds as we are."
"Just here," He says, "We've got some on hold."
"We might have to dip into the bank."
"I could go to East the day after tomorrow."
"You might have to."
"Alright."
I exhale. "The Saviors won't be here for another three weeks. That gives us time to look for more."
"Should he be taking so much?" Martin asks. "We can't provide for them if we're too sick to work or scavenge."
"I know, trust me, I have been over this with him again and again."
"Huh."
I look over at Martin. "I am trying. You know that, right?"
"I want to believe you are."
"I am."
"Okay."
I bite my tongue. "I know you saw us in the cabin."
Martin stops walking and meets my eyes.
"Or...you knew we were there."
He stares, scanning my face.
"I'm…" The words stick in my throat, "I'm sorry you had to drive off the dead for us."
"Why would you be sorry for that?" Martin huffs. "You could've died if I hadn't."
"Because...I just am."
He nods. "Well, don't be."
"I know you're pissed because of it."
He chuckles under his breath. "Why would I be pissed over that?"
"Because I took Negan to the cabin and…"
"What?"
I close my lips.
Martin looks over me over.
I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
"Night, Pippa."
"Night."
He walks the rest of the way to his house without me.
…
The boardwalk along the buildings is getting old and tired of people trampling it, so a few of us have spent the day replacing as much as we can before we're all too exhausted and sore to move. I'd rather be out looking for resources, or tending to the plants and animals, but this has to be done and I've got to be part of it. Well, I don't have to be part of it; I'm choosing to. Just because I'm the leader, doesn't mean I can sit on my ass and bark orders. That shit doesn't fly with me; you gotta be down in mud with your people in order to understand them. It's a community, not a kingdom.
"Fuck!"
"You alright?"
"Yeah," Connor sucks air through his teeth, "I just got another fuckin' splinter is all."
I snicker, wiping sweat from my brow. "Give me your hand."
He offers it over as I fish out the little needle I've got in my shirt pocket. "Don't split my hand open this time."
"I didn't split your hand open the other times, you big baby." I pluck the eraser off the tip of the needle and concentrate. "Now, hold still."
"Fuck, Pip!"
"Oh, that wasn't so bad!" I hold up the needle. "I got it in one try."
"It still fucking hurt."
I laugh, capping the needle. "Wear your gloves."
"I gave 'em to Lourdes to use."
"Ah." I go back to hammering a new board in.
"Shut up."
"I didn't say anything," I steady a nail, "Except she's not even working on the boardwalk."
"She's helping re-fence the coops," He grumbles, "Her hands get cold and scrape against the wire."
"Huh."
"Oh, cut it out; can't a guy do something nice for a friend without there being some other reason?"
"Sure he can." I simply rely.
"Good."
"Afternoon."
"Piss off." Connor exhales under his breath as Walter strolls our way.
"Come to help?" I ask him without looking at him.
"No, I'm afraid my arthritis and carpal tunnel wouldn't let me be very useful."
"Didn't think so," I straighten up, "So, what do you want?"
"Oh, just taking a walk," Walter tells me, "Curious to see how the new boardwalk is coming."
"It's coming along," I lick my salty lips, "We treated the wood to help it last longer."
"Wonderful idea."
I raise my brow a little. "Something on your mind?"
Walter snaps back from looking all along the boardwalk. "Hm? Oh, no, no, nothing at all."
I refrain from rolling my eyes. "Spit it out, Walt. We're busy and I know you didn't pause your walk here for no reason."
He smiles with a fake pleasantness. "My, you have such frankness to you, Pippa. I shall never grow tired of it."
"Again, what do you want?"
"I thought you might like it brought to your attention that there is some disquietude here in Halcyon."
"Disquietude?"
"Speculation," Walt says, "From what I've gathered there is some concern about, well, loyalty."
"Loyalty?" I step closer to him.
"Well, perhaps I should say fidelity."
"That's a synonym for loyalty."
"Yes, but fidelity often refers to-"
"A relationship."
"Yes…"
I knit my brows. "My fidelity?"
His lack of reply confirms my question.
"And what relationship and I am being unfaithful to?"
"Well, again, from what I gather, there is question as to why we have cowed down to the Saviors when we have never cowed down before."
"Under my authority." I make clear.
Walt smiles again. "Yes, well, you can understand the confusion then."
I look off along the boardwalk at all the people at work. The sound of hammers suddenly is not as pleasing.
"I trust you're aware of the issue raised by your, uh, connection to Negan."
I peer back at him. "People think I'm...bending over for him?"
He abruptly clears his throat as if he's afraid he's pissed me off. "I don't know that I'd be so crude as to say that."
"Not enough to say it to me," I wager, "Is that the concern? Because I have a son with Negan and because I made an...out of the ordinary deal with him, I'm under his spell, or something?"
"It is quite a strange situation," He admits, "Especially given your…swift and shrewd ambition."
"Ambition?" I scoff at him.
"You've instilled a go-getter nature in our people since you took over that, well, tends to issue authority rather than obey it."
"We don't obey the Saviors."
"Well, we certainly yield more than we've grown accustomed to."
I cock my brow.
"I do wonder, Pippa, if this change in routine-"
"There is no routine," I deny, "We're not conquerors. Trade is an enterprise as well as communal stretch toward civilization. That can only be done through cooperation."
"Is that why East Valley is now a storage unit?"
My nostrils flare. "We're not cowing down to the Saviors. We're trading with them."
"What do we receive in exchange?"
"We're paying off a debt before we can move into equal trade."
"How long has Negan decided our debt will last?"
The grip I have on the hammer tightens. But it loosens quickly. "Let me worry about that, Walt, alright? I'm the leader now; I can handle these affairs."
"Oh, I'm confident in your abilities," He lies, "However, from what I-"
"Gather?" I question. "Tell me something; why is that you feel the personality to gather what the current reception of my leadership is?"
Walter falters, no rhyme intended. "Uh, well, I mean I-I just overheard, or people have shared their concerns with me."
"With you?" I huff in rude disbelief. "Call me a bitch, but I'm a little skeptical there, Walt, that anyone would come to you with concern."
"Well, truth be told, I went to Lisa to see how she's been dealing and she expressed-."
"Leave Lisa and her baby alone."
"I was only being neighborly, Pippa."
I breathe calmly, but I'm fucking furious.
"I'm sorry if this is unpleasant for you to hear, I was only trying to inform you of what's being said."
I stare at him, killing my impulse to hit him. With hand or hammer.
"Jesus, fuck!" Connor hollers behind me. "Pip, I got another fucking splinter!"
I exhale through my nose. "Have a good rest of your walk, Walter."
"Good afternoon." He gives a smile and trails on.
"Pip!"
I take another look at the people I've been working side by side with all day. "Yeah, I'm coming, darling."
"Fuck, it's a big one."
I take out my needle. "It's not that big."
"Bigger than the rest," Connor winces looking at it, "What'd that jackass want?"
"Oh, nothing," I sigh, "Just to tell me people are questioning my fidelity to Halcyon."
"Bullshit."
"Mhm." I barely agree.
"Fuck!" He flinches his hand back.
"Sorry."
…
The sun is bright today. The winter air is nice and crisp, but warmer than usual. Perfect day to do laundry and not worry about it raining or snowing.
"It's not fair." Abel sits at the table with a pout. "Why does Jolyon get to do everything?"
"He's older and he does not get to do everything."
"Does, too," Abel sighs, "He got to go fishing and today he got to go with Martin and Connor on a trip."
"It's not a trip, baby," I tell him, "They're working."
"I wanna work, too."
"You're getting over a cough."
"Dad even lets Jolyon do cooler stuff than me."
"Well, Dad got in trouble for the cool stuff he let the two of you do."
"When's he coming back?"
"Three weeks," I turn off the stove, "That's three rows on the calendar."
"That's a long time."
"It'll go by fast," I tell him, "It always does."
"Can we stay at his house next time?"
"No," I quickly answer, "Because by then it'll be Christmas and you're staying home with me. Dad's place doesn't celebrate the holidays."
"Why not?"
"They just don't."
"Well, maybe Dad can be here with us."
"Maybe." I sit at the table. "How many pancakes?"
"Two."
I take two pancakes from the stack I made and begin cutting them in pieces.
"Hey, you didn't put butter on them."
"We're out of butter," I reply, "I'll have to get some more today."
"Is Lourdes coming?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because she doesn't want to."
"Okay…" Abel twists his mouth in thought, "Hey, Mom?"
I smile. "You and Jolyon sound so much alike sometimes. What is it?"
"How come Jolyon doesn't call Dad Dad?"
I pause cutting his pancakes to look across the table. "What?"
"He doesn't call him Dad," Abel says, "He calls him his name like you do."
"Oh…" I slide the plate to him.
"I called him Negan one time and he asked me if I was raised in a barn."
I snicker as I make my own plate.
"How come Jolyon gets to call him by his name?"
"Um, well…" I bite my lip, "That's because Jolyon has a different dad."
"He does?"
"Um, yeah," I exhale, looking over at him, "Before I met your dad, I met Jolyon's dad and we had a baby."
"Jol?"
"Yeah, Jol."
"Where's Jol's dad?"
"Um, well...he lived in Texas, which is far from here."
"Is he alive?"
I don't like to think about Eugene and how I didn't look for him either.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"Was he nice like Dad?"
I scoff. "Way nicer than Dad."
"Oh," Abel pokes a square of pancake into his mouth, "Were you his wife, too?"
"No, we weren't married" I tell him. "But I'm not your dad's wife either."
"That's not what he said."
I glance up. "What?"
"Dad said you were his real wife."
"When did he say that?"
"When we stayed with him," Abel tells me, "Jolyon asked if those ladies were all really Dad's wives and Dad said yes."
I try not to look bitter as I stab my pancakes.
"But he said they weren't his real wives," He goes on, "He said Lucille was his real wife." He looks at me confused. "How can he be married to a bat?"
"He's talking about a different Lucille, honey," I clarify, "She died a long time ago."
"Oooh," He nods his head, "That makes better sense."
I smile at him. "Um, so...when did Dad say I was his real wife?"
"He said so after," Abel continues eating, "Well, he didn't say you were his wife really. He said he you were like Lucille ...Who is a lady?"
"Yeah…" I sigh through my nose.
"So...you aren't his wife?"
"No, honey, I'm not. We talked about this before, remember?"
"Oh...yeah."
"But not being married doesn't mean that your dad doesn't love me as much as...his wives, or that I don't love him as much."
"Does he love his wives?"
"That's a question you'd have to ask your father."
Abel nods his head. "You love each other?"
"Of course we do."
"Okay."
I smile a little. "You having fun?"
"Mm, no."
I chuckle. "What? I made breakfast for lunch!"
"So?" He shrugs. "We had breakfast already."
"Yeah, but we had oatmeal and toast for breakfast," I point out, "We're having pancakes for lunch."
"That doesn't make it fun."
"Gee, way to make me feel like a lame ass." I wryly mumble. "Well, what do want to do?"
"Hm…" He thinks about it. "I wanna milk a cow."
"The cows were milked this morning."
"Aw!" Abel puts his cheek in his hand. "I wanted to squeeze the utter."
"The utter?"
"Yeah, you know, the thing that sprays milk out."
"Oh, the teat."
"Yeah."
"Huh...well maybe tomorrow morning."
His brows furrow. "Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Cleo has teats," He looks over at me, "Can Lourdes milk her like a cow?"
I stare. "...No, she can't."
"Then how come she has them?"
"Because all mammals have them so if they have babies, they can make milk to feed them."
"Oh, so if Cleo has babies, she would have milk?"
"Yeah."
"...And they'd drink the milk...from her teats?"
"Would you stop saying teats?"
"Why?"
"Because it's a weird word."
"Sorry," Abel says, "But would they?"
"Yes, just like the calves do when they're born."
"No, they drink from the utter."
"Yes, but the utter has...teats which let out the milk," I set down my fork, "You know what? Let's move on."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because I said so."
"Okay."
I sure hope this talk of teats and wanting to squeeze them is just childish curiosity and not Negan springing out of him.
"Why don't we do something fun?"
"Like what?"
"Hmm….we could stay inside and take a nice cozy nap."
"Mm, no."
"Alright, what do wanna do?"
"Pip?" There's a knock on our door.
"Hold on, baby." I get from the table, touching a hand to Abel's head as I go to answer the door. I open up to Nanda. "Hey, what's up?"
"We've got a visitor." She tips her head to the left.
"Negan?" I look in that direction, wondering why the hell he's so early.
"No, not exactly," She says, "But he's a Savior."
I grab my jacket off the coat rack. "Stay with Abel, would you?"
"Is it Dad?" Abel asks, peeking over the back of his chair.
"No," I reply, "I'll be right back, okay?"
I head towards the front of Halcyon. I don't know if I'm curious or anxious to learn why whoever's here is here. Or more importantly why Negan sent him.
A dinged up silver truck sits just past the gates it drove through. A man, who I don't think I recognize leans against it with that air of cool superiority that most Saviors adopt. He lights a cigarette with a grin on his lips and then blows the smoke in Lourdes' direction. She makes a face of disgust, before noticing me approaching.
The man causally follows her gaze, looking over at me with no sense of importance of who I am, or fear of who I am.
"Howdy." He says.
"How can I help you?" I reply curtly.
"Paula sent me," He rudely exhales a breathful of smoke towards me, "She wanted me to take a look around. Make sure y'all are behaving."
"We don't answer to Paula."
"Sure you do," He takes a drag, "She's in charge of the nearest outpost to you."
"Your outpost doesn't come to collect. Negan does."
"Paula is Negan," The man smirks, thumbing his chest, "And I'm Negan."
I stare, not amused. "Well, we're just going about our daily lives, walking the line, so you can tell her that. Sorry your trip was so short."
The man snickers under his breath. "Did Negan fail to mention how shit works to you, legs?"
I keep my gaze fixed, but my heart picks up. "No, he made things clear."
He smiles, blowing smoke. "Cool."
"Pippa." Lourdes gives me a look like she wants to know what the hell am I doing.
I look back at the man. "You want to look around?"
"Those are my orders," He takes a gander from where he's standing, "Check for oddities, or inconsistencies."
I nod my head curtly.
"But first..." His eyes look me over again, "How about a little refreshment?"
"You want something to drink?"
"If you don't mind."
I arch my brow. "Right this way."
"Pip." Lourdes calls me again.
"It's alright," I tell her, "We've got nothing to hide."
She gives me another look that he can't see.
I start to walk off and the man follows me.
"I'm Pete by the way."
"Pippa."
"I remember you," Pete says, "When you tried to break into our outpost. And you killed our men."
"Yeah, that was me."
"And Negan still kept you alive."
"He had a good reason to."
"I can see that."
I don't acknowledge his looking. I open the door to my house. Nanda and Abel look over from the table.
"Where's Dad?"
"He's back home," I reply, "This is Pete."
"What's he doing here?"
"Nanda could you take Abel for a little while?"
"Yeah." She gets up from the table.
"But we're supposed to do fun things together."
"I know, I'll make it up to you," I kiss the top of his head, "I'll make brownies for after dinner, how about that?"
"Can't I stay here?"
"No, I've got some boring work stuff to take care of."
Abel sighs. "You're always working. Even when you say you aren't going to."
"I know, I know." I gently close the door as Nanda takes Abel out.
"Cute kid."
I turn to find him spread out on a chair at the table, picking over the food. "He takes after his father."
Pete looks at me. "He's really Negan's?"
"Yes."
"So, you're really Negan's baby mama?"
"Yeah." I grumble.
I hate that phrase. It's only slightly humorous when Negan says it in his way, but even then I cringe.
"Huh, I thought he mentioned it before."
"He did?"
"Yeah, he said you were some woman he'd fool around with before the change," Pete informs me as he chews, "And that 'apparently' you got knocked up."
I wish I could scoff but that is how it was. I still don't like it.
"The man's got good taste, I'll say that much."
I look at him, unflattered.
"You are quite the sight."
I breathe. "Would you like something to drink?"
"I like beer."
"I don't have beer."
"Whiskey?"
"I don't drink," I tell him, "I've got water, milk, and iced tea."
"Anything hot?" He asks. "It's cold as fuck out there."
"I'll make coffee."
"Thanks, legs."
"If you call me legs again, I'll pour it in your lap."
Pete smiles into a chuckle. "I see why Negan likes you."
"Trust me, he doesn't like me."
"Oh, I think he does."
I put the coffee on. "What is it that you're looking for?"
"Pardon?"
I stifle an eye roll at this numskull. "You said you were sent here to make sure we were 'behaving.' What exactly does that mean?"
"Oh," He nods, "Means I was sent to see if y'all are being compliant with the rules."
I cross my arms. "What other rules do we have other than making sure we have your cut at the end of the month?"
"Negan doesn't want you fraternizing with anyone outside of us."
"We haven't come across anyone else," I tell him, "We keep to ourselves."
"Unless you want to kill 'em for their meds."
I give him a look.
"Aaand he wants to make sure you aren't lying on your books," Pete tips back in his chair, "Which is a big no-no."
I furrow my brows. "I'm sorry, did Paula send you, or did Negan?"
"She got the orders from the big man," Pete tells me, "I wasn't busy, so she sent me. She doesn't like you all that much."
"The feeling's mutual."
Pete chuckles. "Women."
I disregard that remark. "So, Negan thinks we're stockpiling?"
"He's got a hunch that you may be hiding shit when it's that time of the month, so he wanted to catch you off guard I think Paula said."
"Why didn't he come to catch us off guard himself?"
"Because it's grunt work."
I nod, nibbling on my lip.
"So, after coffee, I'll take a look around, if you don't mind," Pete says, "Which I have a feeling you won't."
I look up at him.
He stares back. "Unless, of course you wanna just come clean to anything now?"
My eyes fall as I go to pour the coffee. "What would happen if we were found lying about what we have?"
"Negan's a hardass for the rules," He informs me, "Aside from not killing one of you for killing three of us, he usually never lets shit like this slide."
"So…" I watch the black liquid fill the mug, "Someone would die?"
"Or someones."
I bring him his coffee with a contrite quietness.
He looks up at me as he takes the mug. "You have anything you wanna say, legs?"
I meet his eyes.
"Spilling your guts before I start looking might do you some good."
My lips part. "I...I want to be cooperative."
"That's good," He sets his mug down, "Cooperation is always a good route."
"But …" I look off.
"But?"
I look back to him. "Negan might misunderstand the situation."
Pete's eyes scan mine.
"He's quick to conclusions," I hold my elbow, "Always has been with me."
Pete listens, waiting for my confession.
"He's got such a temper, as I'm sure you've seen."
"Oh, yeah." He nods.
My brows puzzle slightly. "You saw him...kill before?"
"I've seen what disobedience can result in," Pete drinks his coffee, "We've got pictures."
I grow more with dread. I make myself look down at my hands "I don't want him to think I'm being uncooperative."
"No, you don't."
"It's just…" I bite my lip, "He wouldn't understand. He blows his lid at everything I do."
"You've been fudging your inventory?"
I glance up. "I'm a single mother. I have to look out for my children. Make sure they have enough to eat. I don't know if you can understand. Are you a father, or...were you?"
"No," Pete shakes his head, "Never had the displeasure."
I walk the room, holding my elbows. "Is there anyway he might be lenient?"
"Negan isn't all that lenient," He gravely says, "Unless, of course, it behooves him to be."
I turn my head. "You think he might let me take the blame instead of someone else?"
Pete taps his finger against his mug. "I think he might be willing to...look the other way, if you were willing to comply with what he wanted in return for your transgression."
I look right at him. "I'd comply with anything, so long as my people would be safe from harm."
He pokes his tongue with his cheek. "That's what a good leader would do."
"Do you really think he'd look the other way?" I ask him. "You're Negan, too, aren't you?"
"I am," He nods his head, staring at me, "And I think he would, if you proved to be apologetic. Submissive."
I bring my lips to a close, not breaking eye contact. "I am more than willing to be just that, if it would make the transgression go away."
The two of us exit the house. I find Lourdes nearly pacing outside. She stops when she sees us.
I look at her. "I'm going for a walk."
"A walk?" Her brows furrow deeply.
"Yes," I tell her, staring, "I'm taking Pete to the cabin."
Lourdes' eyes search mine in utter confusion and stress.
"I'm going to take care of things."
…
The sun beats down through the trees. It's definitely an unseasonably hot day. I'm nearly sweating through my jacket.
"How much further?" Pete asks, drudging behind me.
"Not too much further," I breathe, "We're almost there."
I walk, scanning my eyes as I pass tree after tree.
"Goddamn, it's hot."
I form a faint smile. "I like it when it's hot."
"Do you?" He couldn't care less.
"Yeah," I say, "I like feeling the warmth on my skin." I look back. "I can take all these layers off and bathe in it."
Pete's eyes meet mine and he smirks.
I turn my head forward. "So, why didn't Paula come? Seems like something she'd enjoy doing seeing as she hates me."
"She didn't want to see your kids," He answers, "She doesn't like kids."
I nod my head. She used to. She doesn't want to see my kids. Jolyon.
"But shit's better with me around, don't you think?" He chuckles. "I'm way less strict than that bitch."
"Yeah, good thing."
"Good thing," He repeats, "And things can remain that way, you know?"
"Can they?"
"They can."
I lick my lips. "How would that work? With Negan coming here?"
"You'll have things hidden before he gets here," Pete says, "And I'll keep that underwraps for you, if you're a cool customer."
"That's me," I dryly reply, "Always cool."
"Glad to hear."
I stop in my tracks as we make it to where I've led him.
"Why you stopping?"
I stare, not answering his question.
"Hello?"
"Aren't they pretty?"
"Aren't what pretty?"
"The flowers," I turn, "Aren't they pretty?"
Pete looks at the stalks. "Oh, yeah, real lovely." He looks at me. "Where's the cabin?"
"Half a mile."
"What?" He scoffs. "Why the fuck did we walk?"
"It's such a nice, sunny day. I thought we could get some fresh air." I take off my mitten and reach out, plucking the white flowers.
"I didn't follow you for fresh air." He retorts.
I pick up my gaze, smiling a little. "We could stop here."
"What?" He furrows his brows.
"The grass is soft under these flowers," I explain, dropping the ones I've had between my fingers, "We could do it right here."
"On the ground?"
I smirk. "It's the one place Negan hasn't had me."
Pete looks from the ground to me.
"But has always wanted to."
He slowly begins to smile, agreeing to.
I curl my finger and he comes. When he's close enough, I grab his shirt and rotate him and I. He seems to like my sudden eagerness. With my hands, I close his eyes, walking him closer to the plants. I then playfully yet forcefully shove him backwards.
"What the-" Pete falls on his ass into the wild patch. "Goddammit!"
"I'm sorry," I say, looking down at him, "I just got excited."
He winces as he sits up. He sniffs and rubs his eyes, opening them. Pete sniffles against, as if trying to shake away allergies. He blinks and rubs his eyes again.
I stare. "Are you alright?"
He uses both hands to deeply polish his eyes. He blinks over and over. "I...I-I can't see."
"What?"
"I can't see," His head turns from side to side, "I can't fucking see!"
I stand and watch as he frantically gets himself up.
"I can't see!" He screams, putting his hands over his eyes. "I can't see! My eyes! They're fucking bruning! I can't see!"
I suddenly go to him, but he swats at me and the air.
"My eyes!"
"Let me take you to the doctor!" I grab hold of his arm and tug. "I'm trying to help you!"
"I can't see!"
"Sh!" I pull him along. "You'll attract the dead."
I guide him through the woods back home to Halcyon. He goes quiet, or quiet enough not to bring in drifters. He bemoans himself, covering his rashy eyes.
"I can't see."
"Put your hand down," I tell him, "You'll make it worse."
"I can't see." Is all he can pathetically wail.
The sun is on our backs as we walk. It's not much farther. When we reach the back wall, I call for help.
I bring Pete through Halcyon. "Get Meredith." I order someone, any one of the bystanders looking on with horror.
"I can't see."
"Shh," I soothe, "It's gonna be alright; I'm taking you to the doctors."
Meredith comes out of the hospital. She stops and stares.
"He can't see," I inform her, "I think he fell in some hogweed."
She looks from his already blistering face, neck, and hands to me. She takes him gently but urgently towards the building. Ravinder stands by the door, staring in shock. We briefly make eye contact, before she follows Meredith.
"Pippa."
I look over at Lourdes. She, along with Martin and Jolyon, who must have come back while I was gone, and a crowd of people gather.
"What the hell happened?"
I inspect my hand that's starting to burn. "I took care of things. Of Halcyon.
"What?"
"He can't report our hoarding, if he can't to see it." I look up at her.
Lourdes furrows her brows.
"Take whatever you brought from East back," I tell Martin, "They'll come for him if he doesn't return by tomorrow."
He nods, staring perplexingly at me.
"What are we supposed to tell them about their guy?" Lourdes asks. "About what happened to him."
My eyes find Walter in the crowd. "We'll tell him he stuck his nose where it didn't belong."
I turn and go into the hospital.
Thanks for reading! Hope you all enjoy!
CLTex: She'll definitely have a lot to handle as things start to fray with the Saviors. This is minor, but only the beginning and unfortunately Pippa will have a lot on her plate, though of her own fault.
Guest: Thank you! :)
