The Death Battles were fun while they lasted! If you want me to continue with them in another story let me know! Lets finish this!


Everyone was waiting for Zex and CC to return. Something did feel off about the atmosphere though. Why did Ironwood, Neptune, and Ozpin feel like they were in great danger. Maybe it was the fact that Zex's friends were just as powerful, if not more, then him. Zex was way more violent them the others though considering he loved to torture Neptune as well as blowing up the amphitheater again if he was pissed off enough. CC though was far more composed then Zex but seemed to have a short temper when it came to certain things. Even then they really have seen CC angry considering when they think they do he is actually just either letting off steam or just beating the shit out of Neptune.

"Why do they always beat the shit out of me!" Neptune yelled with an Ice Pack on his groin

"Because we find it hilarious" Zex said as he dropped kicked Neptune, who was in his chair, across the room and into the wall making a huge indent in it

"Why is Neptune always targeted?" Dove asked

"Again this version is a giant fuck boy so it works" CC said walking in with a cup of coffee

"Why do you have coffee?" Ozpin asked worried for CC

"Because we are about to watch two realities where Zex is about to go crazy for it." CC said as he took a sip from his drink

"JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOJO!" Zex sang as he jumped around the room

"And someone gave him forty pounds of sugar earlier" CC said as Deadpool laughed in the distance


INTRO

(*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates*)

Wiz: We've covered a lot of macho heroes here on DEATH BATTLE!, but these two are as manly and stoic as they come.

Boomstick: It's all in those sweet ass jackets. I mean, I-I guess they're pretty badass too.

"He's not wrong. The clothes make the man" CC said as Zex ran around in the background

"Should we be worried about him?" Yang asked with a sweatdrop

"No" CC said "He will crash in a little bit"

Wiz: Jotaro Kujo, the delinquent turned hero from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

"And argeuably the more famous one. Tied right up there with his grandfather." CC said as Zex yelled something about Pillar Men

Boomstick: And Jaune Arc, the wandering Fist of the North Star. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

"Master of the "delayed effect of an attack" phenomenon." CC stated as he took another sip as Zex finally was knocked out by a punch to the face

"You are awefully chatty again." Blake said as Zex was thrown across the room through a random door

"There is a lot to be said and explained today" CC said as he slammed the door shut

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.


Jotaro Kujo

Wiz: As a teenager, Jotaro Kujo was a fairly infamous troublemaker.

"A trouble maker?" Ozpin asked with a raised eyebrow

"What are those clothes?" Weiss asked

"I don't know but I like the look, even though it is a bizzare look"

Boomstick: But you can just call him "JoJo" like his friends do. Get it? JO-taro Ku-JO?

Wiz: How... bizarre.

(We see the "To Be Continued" sign after what Wiz said)

"Roll credits" CC said as a ding sound was heard

"How did you-" "Don't question it" CC said before Summer could finish her question

Popup: His bad attitude is often attributed to the absence of his father, who was touring as a jazz musician throughout Jotaro's childhood.

Boomstick: While being a high school hoodlum isn't usually a good idea, it worked out great for him, cause he toughed up a lot.

"His dad was a Jazz musician and he was never there in his life?" Taiyang said

"Yup" CC stated

Wiz: At the age of seventeen, Jotaro was arrested for brutally pummeling four known gang members, who were armed with knives and nunchucks of all things,

"Hey! Don't diss the nunchucks!" Sun yelled

with apparently his bare fists, but Jotaro had a bigger problem, he didn't know how he did it.

Boomstick: He knew he was tough, but not that tough, so he came to the only conclusion that makes sense: He was possessed by an evil spirit! (makes ghostly noises).

"Honestly a rarity to be aware of one's own strength to such a degree." CC said

"I could do that! With any one at beacon!" Yang boasted

"And yet you lost to a Neapolitan woman who was far weaker than you when it comes to strength." CC said as he dodged a chair thrown at him

Wiz: Just like my pet rat!

Boomstick: Yeah, wait, is that why he's been scratching pentagrams all over his cage?

Wiz: You'll find out.

"Run Boomstick!" Summer, Ruby, and Nora yelled

"How the hell did he get a rat possessed?" Dove asked with wide eyes

But then, Jotaro did something absolutely crazy. To prove his theory, he swiped a police officer's gun, pointed it straight at his head, and fired.

Boomstick: And that's how he died. ...Just kidding! A third arm popped out of his body to stop the bullet, of course!

"That is creepy!" Winter yelled

Wiz: This strange being attached to Jotaro wasn't an evil spirit at all, it's an entity physically generated by Jotaro himself, and inherited through his bloodline.

"So it's like passed down from generation to generation?" Glynda asked

"Kinda" CC simply stated with a shrug "more like it was awakened after a certain event"

Boomstick: Yeah, lots of the JoJo family has 'em, including his granddad Joseph.

"That's his grandpa!? He is built like a house!" Velvet said in awe

"Welcome to anime!" Zex said as he popped into existance

"You know there are people like that in the real world right" CC deadpanned

"There are?" Zex said shocked as CC facepalmed

"No more sugar for you"

Wiz: These beings are called Stands, literally because they stand by you.

Boomstick: (groans) I mean, I guess it's not wrong.

Wiz: It's so lame!

"I agree with that statement." Yastuyashi said with a sigh

Boomstick: Stands are powered by their user's life force, and turns out, Jotaro's life force is supercharged because he's got one of the strongest Stands of all: Star Platinum.

Wiz: Star Platinum has superhuman strength, speed, precision, and vision. He can even phase through bodies and affect the person's inner organs. Plus, while Star Platinum can take a solid hit, most Stands can only be damaged by other Stands or Stand users.

Boomstick: So, he's basically invincible unless he's fighting another Stand?

Wiz: Exactly, in fact, unless you have a Stand of your own, you wouldn't even be able to see Star Platinum.

Boomstick/Qrow: Oh great, so he's invincible and invisible.

Popup: Some Stands, such as Strength the Cargo Ship, are visible to ordinary people. However, these circumstances are dependent on the Stand and not the viewers abilities.

"Tongue Twister with only two words" CC said

Wiz: And when you combine all that with Jotaro's fighting skills and exceptional cleverness, they make a magnificent team.

Boomstick: That's good, 'cause Jotaro soon found out his family's old vampire nemesis was out to get him!

Popup: Dio had possessed the body of Jotaro's great great grandfather, Jonathan. Or rather, his severed head had taken over Jonathan's body. It was really weird.

"That's putting it lightly." CC muttered as Zex growled at Dio

"Wait his own head took over a body of his great great grandfather? That is really bizarre." Velvet said not realizing she set Zex up for a joke

"No" CC sprayed Zex with a spray bottle full of water

Wiz: With Star Platinum at his side, Jotaro didn't just stand up to DIO, he copied DIO's greatest ability: the Time Stop.

Boomstick: With this new power, Star Platinum can freeze time everywhere for five seconds. He can do it multiple times, though it does need a sort of recharge between uses, kind of like an ability cooldown in a videogame, or me in the bedroom, ladies, but still, he can frigging STOP TIME!

Popup: Originally, Time Stop only lasted around two seconds, but this increased over time.

"Excuse me BUT WHAT!" Neptune yelled

"HE CAN STOP TIME THAT IS SOOOOOOOO COOL!" Nora yelled

"Oh yeah" Zex said as he stopped time and repeatedly punched Neptune in the dick "Time now resumes"

Neptune hit the ground in pain as he held his groin.

"We need to put you on limit" Ozpin said as he witnessed what happened

"My story, my rules" Zex said

"At least it was until Morioh" CC said as he brought the subject back to the Time Stop

"What happened in Morioh?" Ruby asked

"It got really..." Zex started

"Bizarre" CC and Zex finished at the same time

Wiz: In Jotaro's case, he may be human, but he's strong enough to smash through stone and leap several stories. On the other hand, Star Platinum is said to be faster than light.

Popup: In "Eyes of Heaven", Star Platinum learned Reality Overwrite. However, this and other events/characters from EoH are contradictory to the primary source, and thus omitted.

Boomstick: Sure...technically he can, because he can stop time or whatever, but he can't really move that fast normally, right?

Wiz: Well...maybe. Star Platinum has matched his speed with another Stand called Silver Chariot. Silver Chariot previously defeated a different Stand called Hanged Man.

Boomstick: Long story short, Hanged Man moves between reflections at lightspeed, and Silver Chariot caught him in mid-movement.

Wiz: Granted, Silver Chariot had to use an elaborate plan to force Hanged Man into moving in a predictable direction. If Silver Chariot was truly faster than light, he wouldn't have needed to resort to such a plan, but the fact he caught Hanged Man at all is proof enough that he's at least close to light speed.

"I still call bullshit on that analysis" Zex stated "The STAND is lightspeed not user. So yeah Silver Chariot will naturally struggle against something that MOVES the speed of light"

"Are you sure about that?" CC asked

"YES IM SURE!" Zex yelled as CC sighed

"That is still impressive though" Coco said with a look of amazement

"I don't think I can ever get to that speed ever in my life" Ruby said as Summer nodded in agreement

Boomstick: So that means Star Platinum is close to light speed, too, and he's got the super strength to back up his super speed. He can lift a steamroller that's around sixty tons! He broke the top of this building off and threw it like a javelin, and then there's the time that he broke a giant monster lady's teeth that were harder than diamonds!

Popup: Star Platinum is strongest within about ten feet of Jotaro's vicinity. Any further exponentially lowers his power.

"Damn that is one strong ghost!" Yang yelled

Wiz: The definition of hardness refers to an object's protection from scratches, but we could also compare this to pressure resistance or the possibility of fracture through a diamond's cleavage.

"Oh no" Glynda said as she knew what was coming

"HA!" Zex laughed out as CC pinched the bridge of his nose

"Dear God, I think the narrator and the writers are doing this on purpose" CC stated

Boomstick: (laughing)

Wiz/Weiss/Winter: Not that kind of cleavage!

"I swear Boomstick just loves to be a pervert!" Weiss yelled

"Says the girl who attacked two god like beings over a chastity belt." Taiyang said

"Excuse me, she did what now?" Winter asked as Weiss blushed

"Your sister got pissed off that Zex and CC put a chastity belt on Jaune and tried to rip their heads off." Taiyang said as Winter looked at Weiss who was blushing

"Don't look at me like that! You would do the same thing if it was Qrow!" Weiss yelled

"No I wouldn't" Winter said as Zex gained a mischievous grin

"Oh really?" Zex said as he snapped his fingers while CC walked away

A belt popped onto Qrow as Winter stared at it for a few seconds.

"Huh? I guess you do have a lot more restraint then Wei-HOLY SHIT!" Zex exclaimed as Winter broke the chastity belt "...Next time make it out of adamantium"

The toughest diamonds break around six-hundred gigapascals. This means Star Platinum can clearly strike with a force equivalent to three million tons.

Boomstick: Turns out, diamonds AREN'T forever when Star Platinum's around! What CAN'T this guy do? Sounds like nobody could beat him!

Wiz: Maybe not, but unlike Stands, Jotaro isn't invincible or invisible, and whenever Jotaro is hurt, Star Platinum feels the same pain. In fact, when a Stand user dies, so does their Stand, and vice versa.

Popup: For dire situations, Jotaro has mastered his family's long-successful "Secret Technique." Running away!

"Live to fight another day." CC said

"NIGERUNDAYO!" They saw Joesph Joestar running away in a weird manner

Everyone laughed at what they were seeing.

Boomstick: Sure but with a guy like Star Platinum having his back, I don't think Jotaro has a whole lot to worry about. These two are one kick-ass duo, and stylish!

Jotaro: Your receipt. You can keep the freaking change.

"Ya filthy animal" CC said with an amazing reference

"OH FUCK YOU NARRATOR!" Zex yelled as he was hit in the face with a brick


Jaune

Wiz: It's the last decade of the twentieth century, and the world has been ruined. In this apocalyptic age, the strong survive and the weak kneel. Only one man challenges this new society, and fortunately, he has the literal power to do it.

Boomstick: Jaune, Fist of the North Star.

"Wow, Mama likes~" Yang said while the girls all blushed

"He still has his chasity-" Zex started as Jaune's belt landed right in front of him as he paused "...ah fuck"

Wiz: Like most important protagonists, Jaune began his journey to greatness as a young orphan.

"Mix tragic backstory along with way to make sure that they develop a close bond with their mentor/parent figure, plus they end up valuing relationships more cliche" CC said with another ding sound

"Wait Jaune was an orphan in this world?" Ruby asked shocked

"Kinda" Zex said as CC looked at him with a raised brow

"Jaune IS from the original bloodline of Hokuto Shinken after all" Zex said with a laugh

"True" CC replied "but doesn't mean this Jaune isn't an orphan"

Boomstick: Lucky for him, he eventually met old man Ryuken, who was a pretty cool dude, ended up adopting Kenshiro, along with a few other kids.

Wiz: He was also the sixty-third Denshosha.

Boomstick/Ruby/Yang: Don't shoot what? Gun safety?

Wiz: A grandmaster of an ancient Chinese martial art called Hokuto Shinken. While anyone can learn the basics of this dangerous fighting style, there can only ever be one grandmaster for each generation.

"Introducing the plot point that it becomes the point of jealousy cliche" CC said as Zex realized what he was doing

"You are pulling a CinemaSins!" Zex yelled

"Yup!" CC replied

Popup: Hokuto Shinken is over 1,800 years old!

"Fun Fact: There is a dude on Instagram named cloak_and_sai who figured out how to turn the fictional martial art into actual functional techniques!" Zex stated

"Really?" CC asked shocked

"Yeah the dude is a martial artist and decided to make it into reality! While you can't explode heads with it, you can learn to defend yourself thanks to his videos! It is still in the works though" Zex explained

"WHAT THE HELL IS INSTAGRAM!" Yang yelled in frustration from the two editors

Boomstick: So that's what Jaune set out to be, and with patience, training and plenty of muscle building, he was named the next successor of Hakuna Mata-shin. Too bad his adopted brother got pissed he wasn't chosen and killed Ryuken over it. Talk about a sore loser.

"Why did he kill his own master!?" Ruby asked with wide eyes

"Ms. Rose, People who hunger for power will never be satisfied until they get what they want, which is endless. That man does not understand that so he killed his master for power. I have lived a long time and watched as that happened over and over again. It's a sad cycle that will never end." Ozpin stated with a tear going down the side of his face remembering the past

"Note to Self: Get Ozpin some therapy" Zex said as he wrote it down on a notepad

Wiz: With Hokuto Shinken mastered, Jaune can focus his energy into his strikes, effectively killing an opponent with a single blow to their pressure points. There are seven-hundred and eight malleable pressure points in the human body, and striking any of them can cause all sorts of effects: stunning, blinding, healing, restoring memories, making people walk backward...

"That is horrifying!" Glynda yelled

"How?" Qrow asked

"That means Mr. Arc can LITERALLY make you forget who you are permanently or even force you to walk till you die" She replied with a shiver

"OH NEPTUNE!" Zex said with a smile as he looked at his seat only to see a note that said 'Gone out for snacks'

Zex stared at it for about three minutes before he finally said "You little shit"

Popup: Jaune's techniques are not limited to just the human body's pressure points, as they also have effected animals and vehicles.

Boomstick: But mostly, they just make people explode! Anyway, things started looking pretty great for Kenny, he even got engaged, but then nuclear war broke out and turned the Earth into Mad Max land. Jaune's fiance got kidnapped, and this guy used his knife fingers to draw a nifty big dipper on Jaune's chest. Seriously, how is he not dead after that?

Wiz: Miraculously, Jaune survived and began his wayward journey, wandering the wasteland searching for revenge.

"One, how did he DRAW that into his chest? It looked more like he was stabbed by it. Two, who was that?" Weiss asked

"Don't worry about it" CC said

"FEARLESS LEADER CAN MAKE PEOPLE EXPLODE AWESOME!" Nora yelled

Boomstick: And if we go by how many people he blew up, I'd say he got plenty of it.

Wiz: He really does leave a big mess behind, I can't even imagine what it must be like to clean up after one of his fights.

"They get a BIG tip" Fox joked

Popup: He is also proficient with nunchaku and stave weapons.

"This version of Jaune uses nunchucks too? Awesome!" Sun exclaimed

Boomstick: Jaune had no problem killing hordes of baddies with moves like his Bone Crushing Fist, Spilling Wheel Exploding Fist and Hundred Crack Fist. Huh, seein' him kill all these people from the inside out reminds me a lot of my ex-wife.

Wiz: Um... how?

"Yes Boomstick, how does all of that REMIND you of your ex-wife?" Summer asked annoyed

Boomstick: Emotionally, Wiz.

"Oh" Winter said shocked

Most of the time, his body explosions don't even happen right away, giving him plenty of time to explain to his foes how they're about to die, right before they explode.

Geese: You think you can beat me with a finger?

Jaune: That finger struck the hidden vital point known as Gakuchu. There's no use fighting now. You're already dead.

(Geese screams as he swells and explodes)

Boomstick: Hakuna Matata

"What a wonderful phase!" CC sang

"Ain't no passing craze!" Zex continued

"No! None of that! Shame on you!" Deadpool said as he popped up

"You uncultured son of a bitch" CC said with a glare

"It's Hokuto Shinken" Weiss said with an eye twitch as the three argued in the background

isn't just for blowing up people.

Wiz: Sure! Jaune has developed a number of legendary techniques, such as the Tenryu Kokyu Ho.

Boomstick: Aka the Art of Dragon's Breathing. According to Jaune, this unlocks the full potential of his natural abilities, where a normal fighter would only use about 30%.

"That is cool!" Yang said as a fight raged in the background

Popup: He is also skilled in countering unpredictable fighting styles and slicing opponents with air.

Wiz: He can utilize Toki, or his own natural ki, to perform numerous techniques. Most of these involved punching, of course, but he can also create mirage images of himself, sense other fighting auras, and fire ki-based projectiles to attack or defend from a distance.

Boomstick: Oh, uh... and he can perform miracles, like making a mute girl speak!

Lin: JAUUUUUUUUUUNE!

Boomstick/Cardin: How the heck/hell?!

Wiz: But even that pales in comparison to Hokuto Shinken's ultimate technique. One which no previous grandmaster ever unlocked, Musou Tensei. Only those who truly understand pain and loss can apply Musou Tensei. With it, Jaune draws upon his inner sadness to enter a state of nothingness. From here, he is impervious to attacks, essentially achieving intangibility.

"So he is invincible?" Ruby asked

The screen showed Majin Kaioh defeating Jaune while he used Musou Tensei.

"Nevermind" Ruby said with wide eyes

Boomstick: He also somehow connects to the souls of dead allies and rivals, and can even use their techniques, but it's not like he needs them. He's already crazy enough on his own. He smashed the bones of a giant with a single hand, broke a metal table just by standing up, and hit a tank so hard, IT blew up!

Wiz: He's even strong enough to break a skyscraper in half!

"WHAT!" Everyone yelled

Boomstick: And then when it collapsed on top of him, he just walked through it! What a boss!

Wiz: Just the concrete in one floor of an average-sized skyscraper can weigh over 1,000 tons.

"That is WAY too strong!" Ren said

"Compared to who?" Pyhrra asked remembering the other battles

"US!" Ironwood yelled out in frustration

"Wait till you see the Superman version of Jaune!" Deadpool yelled from the background

Popup: He can endure a poison five times stronger than the typical lethal dosage of potassium cyanide.

Boomstick: (Scoffs) You think that's tough? Jaune can stand in lava. LAVA! You know how hot lava is?

Wiz: Up to two-thousand-

Boomstick: Yeah, really freaking hot, that's what! And remember that tank? Before he blew it up, it shot him square on, and did absolutely nothing to him!

"I think that this version of Jaune is overpowered" Yang said with a nervous chuckle

Seriously, this guy is manly as hell!

"Hell yeah he is!" CRDL yelled out

Jaune: Omae wa mou shindeiru. (You're already dead.)

Galzus: Nani? (What?)

(Galzus' left side suddenly explodes)


Death Battle

(*Cues: Werewolf Therewolf - Bizarre Stars)

(Note: The characters speak Japanese, but their dialogue can be seen through subtitles)

Jotaro Kujo and his grandfather, Joseph Joestar, pass a dead squirrel as they walk in the desert and come across a pyramid. They hear an engine in the distance, revealed to be Jaune driving his car up to them.

Joseph: OH NOOOO!

"Save that!" CC yelled from the background

"Why should we?" Blake asked

"Because memes!" Zex yelled out

Jaune stops his vehicle right in front of the JoJo duo and forms a large dust cloud. Jotaro scoffs as he tips his cap downwards.

Jotaro: Who are you?

Jaune leaps from his car in front of the family as he has a menacing aura surrounding him. Joseph starts growling at the enemy, but his grandson places his hand in front of him.

Jotaro: Wait old man!

Jotaro then glares at the mysterious man and points at him.

Jotaro: If you wanna go, I'll take you on.

Jaune starts cracking his knuckles and gets into his fighting stance.

Jaune: Pick the place. It will be where you die.

"Why are they instantly fighting each other? Jotaro didn't do anything." Ruby said finally questioning what is happening in these battles

"I don't think they care Rubes. After all It's very clear they just start fighting for no reason, I think that no one has a sense of negotiation or compromise in these things." Yang explained the obvious

Jotaro: You've got some balls!

Joseph backs up and starts running off as the two warriors face each other.

FIGHT!

Jaune tries punching Jotaro, but Star Platinum blocks the punch, much to the former's confusion. Star Platinum then uppercuts Jaune into the nearby pyramid. Jaune leaps off the pyramid and prepares an aerial kick as Jotaro leaps towards him.

"That had to hurt" Weiss said wincing at the uppercut

"Jaune can fly?!" Ruby said

"No, jump good" Blake stated making Zex bust out laughing

Jotaro: Star Platinum, The World!

Jotaro avoids Jaune's kick and warps past him. The confused Jaune is knocked to the ground by Star Platinum. Kenshiro enhances his vision and manages to see Jotaro's stand behind him. The road warrior and stand then get into a fist flurry and counter each other blow for blow. Finally, Star Platinum wins out and lands a punch on Jaune's face before sending him flying with a powerful haymaker.

The stand performs his Star Finger technique to finish, but Jaune jumps out of the way before retaliating with a blast of Tōki aimed at Jotaro. Star Platinum intercepts and protects him. Jaune opts to fire a wave of Tōki this time, but once again, Star Platinum stands in the way to shield Jotaro before lunging forward with another punch. However, Jaune forms his mirages and evades the attack.

Joseph: HOLY SHIT!

"And that one!" CC said chasing Deadpool down with a rabid Wolverine

"Where do they get those things?" Li Ren asked

"I don't know and I think its better we never find out." An Ren replied

"Yeah I don't want to end up as crazy as him." Ruby stated

"Okay, but do you see what Jaune is doing! It's like so many Jaune's!" Nora exclaimed

"Nora I think those are mirages things that would be used to distract his opponent so the real one can figure out how to get in close and attack him." Ren explained

"I still wonder how there are so many realities of Jaune. Is he liked by that many people?" Pyhrra asked

"I think its more of on the lines of that Jaune has so many possibilities in the eyes of these editors. Perhaps these guys keep track of every world they come across and some edit it. I think some are more of trickster

The mirages leap forward and rush at Star Platinum, who manages to fend them off while Jotaro backs away from the action. However, amidst the action, the real Jaune leaps at Jotaro, now defenseless, and thrusts his arm for a deadly strike. Jotaro manages to lean back and avoid the attack, and any further follow-ups are stopped when Star Platinum grabs Jaune and throws him, but he lands on his feet and joins his mirages. They leap forward once more and all perform the Tenha Kassatsu, firing beams of Tōki from their fingers. Star Platinum is unaffected as per usual, while Jotaro dodges the rest. He then summons his stand to his side.

"Wait what is Jotaro about to do?" Yang asked

Jotaro: Star Platinum!

Jotaro performs another Time Stop just before he can be struck with the Tōki beams, freezing Jaune and Joseph in their places.

A wave of energy came out of the screen as they turned around to see Zex, Deadpool, and CC frozen in time. Deadpool was giving Zex a wedgie with CC holding a club over Deadpool's head about to crash it against his skull.

"Man they really hate each other don't they?" Yang asked with a sweat drop

"How did they get frozen in time?" Summer asked

"That would be my doing" Said the screen "I figured it would be a bit more immersive if they too were frozen in time"

"Oh well thank you" Summer said finally feeling her headache leaving

"You are very welcome"

Joseph: OH MY GOOOO-

Jotaro steps away from the beams and Star Platinum locates the real Jaune. He then places his hand around his heart, preparing to crush it. However, the 5 seconds of the Time Stop have almost elapsed.

Jotaro: Time's about to move.

The Time Stop runs out and time returns to its normal speed, also allowing Joseph to finish his exclamation.

Joseph: -OOOD!

"That one too!" CC said as the club finally cracked Deadpool in the head

The beams aimed at Jotaro miss completely and Star Platinum clenches his fist to crush Jaune's heart. However, Jaune uses Musō Tensei and phases away from the fatal blow, appearing behind Jotaro. The Fist of the North Star then famously declares to Jotaro:

Jaune: Omae wa mou shindeiru. (You are already dead.)

"Wait how did Jaune win?" Blake asked

A flashback occurs and it is revealed that when Jaune attempted to strike Jotaro, he was just barely able to tap the stand user's chest.

"Oh shit" Sun said with wide eyes

"He dead!" Cardin yelled

But that tap was all that was needed as Star Platinum fades away and Jotaro's body starts convulsing. As every one of Jaune's victims has said before, Jotaro says in shock:

Jotaro: NANI!? (WHAT!?)

-before finally exploding, leaving nothing but his blood on the ground. Joseph looks on in horror as Jaune grunts and walks away.

Joseph: SON OF A BITCH!

"And lastly that one!" CC yelled

KO!


Results

Jaune continues walking away, leaving Joseph to mourn the death of his grandson, whose spirit in the afterlife simply tips his hat down.

Jotaro: Good grief...

(*Cues Bizarre Stars again)

Boomstick: Whoa, wait, what just happened?

"Yes can you please explain!" Winter yelled with a major headache

Wiz: Well, all Jaune needed to do to win was just get one hit in, but this matchup was far closer than that makes it seem.

"While harder to achieve against such an enemy, it makes him all the more deadly." Taiyang nodded in agreement

Boomstick: Of course it was! Jaune spent the whole time-fighting Star Platinum, who he couldn't even see. Lucky for him, once he figured that out, his ability to sense other fighting auras allowed him to keep track of SP, but no matter what he did, Jaune isn't a Stand user, so he couldn't actually hurt Star Platinum.

Popup: Jaune has seen and fought opponents who he can only detect by sensing their fighting spirit. Stands are officially described as physical manifestations of "fighting spirit."

Wiz: Then again, Star Platinum's own strength wasn't quite enough to hurt Jaune much either. One of Star Platinum's greatest strength feats involves breaking and throwing a small section of a building. In comparison, Jaune broke an entire building, let it fall on him, and acted like it wasn't even there.

"So in order for Jotaro to win Star Platinum would need to hit with a force greater than anything Jaune has ever gone against?" Ruby asked

"That is the most likely reason" Weiss aggreed

Popup: Star Platinum's distance limitations meant chasing down Jaune wasn't a viable option, giving Jaune plenty of safe space to operate from.

Boomstick: Also, while Jotaro may be skilled in deducing his enemy's weaknesses and strategies in mid-fight, Jaune's skills, durability, and straightforward approach meant there really wasn't anything for him to pick apart here.

Popup: Jaune has survived potentially fatal wounds more intense than Star Platinum typically delivers.

Wiz: Jaune did have trouble with Jotaro's time stopping and Star Platinum's speed, however, with his awesome durability plus additional intangibility when using Muso Tensai, Jaune survived the Time Stops, and the Time Stop's cooldowns between uses gave Jaune enough time to work around them.

"Yeah, Jaune was just being straight forward and trying to punch him" Yang said as everyone looked at her "What?"

"Yang YOU do that. I think that's why Zex said you and your dad are WAY to predictable" Blake deadpanned as Yang looked sheepish

"Yeah, I can't defend against that" Yang admitted

Popup: Multiple beings have taken advantage of Time Stop's limits. Stand user Bug Eaten used the environment to trick Jotaro into getting hurt despite use of Time Stop.

Boomstick: The Time Stop has been worked around by foes in Jotaro's past before, and as far as speed was concerned, Jaune may not have been faster than Star, but a mix of Muso Tensai and mirage clones were more than enough to get by. And let's be real, Jotaro never stood a chance against Jaune by himself!

"Let's see, one was trained since childhood to become a grandmaster of a DEADLY martial art while the other is a delinquent who just punches you. Yeah it's pretty obvious who would win" Winter said with a blank face

Wiz: In the end, both combatants had plenty of advantages, but Jaune's techniques and overwhelming power ended this fight.

Boomstick: JoJo didn't "Stand" a chance.

Everyone groaned, yes including Deadpool, as Taiyang, Yang, and Zex laughed.

Wiz: The winner is Jaune.


"I hope you all enjoyed that!" Zex said with a smile as a katana was sticking out of his side

"it was enjoyable" Winter said when they suddenly heard a sound of footsteps walking throughout beacon.

"What is that?" Ruby asked scared as Zex smiled while CC looked at him

"Is this that other guest you told me about?" CC asked

"Why yes it is my dragon friend!" Zex said as he gestured to the door as Neptune flew threw the room screaming and going through the wall with a body cut out

"Ouch" Glynda said with a wince

Everyone looked at the door to see something that they were intimidated by. There stood before them was a man of average height. He was wearing black robes with red trims, armored shoulder pads, and a metal belt decorated with cloth sashes. His face was covered by a mask reminiscent of a skull. On his belt was an odd metal pipe. His skin was a vibrant red with yellow eyes.

"Imperius you made it!" Zex exclaimed

"Took a little longer than I wanted. Seriously how the hell did you make a FUCKING SNAKE BIGGER THAN A DAMN GALAXY?!" Imperius asked annoyed

"Magic" Zex said with a smile

Imperius looked at him then shocked him with force lighting. Zex's skeleton was shown as it flickered back and forth.

Zex fell flat on his face as Imperius yelled out "DODGE!"

"Um?" Weiss started to say with uncertainty

"Oh hello" Imperius said "I assume you are the group he is messing with"

"Everyone say hello to my friend Darth Imperius!" Zex said with a smile and somehow instantly healed

"Hi/Hello/Greetings/Sup" were the various responses

"Pleasure" Imperius said as he turned his gaze to CC

"You must be the one helping him out as well" Imperius said

"I am, he can still be a handful at times. I mean this place is chaotic when he is around." CC stated

"How so?" Imperius asked when The Mask ran by while being chased by Ghost Rider "Nevermind"

"Yeah so you can see why he needs help now don't you." CC said as he stuck out his arm knocking down The Mask

"Yes I do, how do you put up with this insanity?" Imperius asked with a slight twitch

"When you work with this guy you kinda get used to it, plus it does help me blow off some steam from time to time." CC explained

"Glad to hear it, now let's get started on the next reality" Imperius said turning his gaze to the screen

"Why do I get the overwhelming feeling that I should run?" Ozpin asked himself


INTRO

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

Wiz: For some action heroes, it's not enough to just save the world.

Boomstick: They've gotta look good doing it!

"HA!" Zex laughed

"HELL YEAH THEY DO!" Coco yelled out to the amusement of Fox

"Its important to look your best, especially when you are saving the world." CC said with a chuckle

"I don't get why you have to look good while you doing it though?" Cardin said making everyone raise an eyebrow

"You have no class Mr. Winchester, the side that is remembered is the side with the most style" Ironwood said

"Or the side that is not dead" Qrow retorted making Zex bust a gut laughing

"Something is wrong with him." Glynda said scooting away from Zex

Wiz: Jaune "Dante" Sprada, the Devil Hunter.

"I prefer the real Dante" CC said as Imperius smirked

"Ah, Dante. A demon slayer. I've looked over his resume, and if I could, I'd recruit him for the Empire. His strength would certainly help against the Zakuul Empire." Imperius said

"Why didn't you call me?" Zex asked "I could bring them all along too and we can fight together" he gestured to the audience

"Because I don't want you turning them into psychopaths like you" Imperius deadpanned

"I'm not that bad" Zex said

"You torture Neptune like everyday." Weiss said with a blank expression

A montage began showing Neptune blown up, stabbed, thrown, broken, burned, and even chased by random creatures.

"oh" Zex said sheepishly

Boomstick: And Bayonetta, the Umbra Witch.

All the guys began to blush at the woman on screen.

"Are those guns on the back of her legs?" Yang asked confused

He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win... a Death Battle.


(*Cues: Devils Never Cry - Devil May Cry 3*)

Wiz: Take a walk down Slum Avenue and you'll find all sorts of hangouts for the scum of the underworld. The Bullseye Bar, a random strip club, and even a run-down service shop called "Devil May Cry."

"I wonder what the story is behind the name?" Ruby asked as the editors all looked at each other with grins

"Because even a Devil May Cry" Zex said putting on a pair of sunglasses

Imperius smacked him on the back of the head "Corner now."

"What! Im not-" Imperius pulled out his saberstaff and pointed at him "GET IN THE FUCKING CORNER!" "OKAY! OKAY!"

"What is your secret?" Yang asked as she never seen Zex move so fast in his life

"Sweetie" Summer started making Yang turn to her "its called having authority" Summer said with a sweet smile that made the editors freeze in fear

"NOPE!" CC jumped out a window that randomly appeared

Zex ran through the wall as Imperius used the force to run out of the door.

"How did you do that mom?" Ruby asked

"It's called being a mother dear. No matter how powerful a man can be, you always fear a mothers wrath" Giggled Summer as the boys shivered as they each remembered when they each pissed off their moms. Not a very fun time.

Boomstick: But the services they're selling aren't like washing your car or fixin' your plumbing. Oh no! Long as you got the cash, this shop specializes in delivering demonic beatdowns. Who's crazy enough to try and make a living this way you ask? His name is Jaune "Dante" Sparda.

"So Jaune is a demon hunter? Awesome!" Ruby said with a sparkle in her eyes

"I wonder how many demons Jaune has hunted?" Blake wondered

"Probably a lot" Ren said as Zex popped his head through the hole he made

"Is it safe to come in now?"

(*Cues: Lock & Load - Devil May Cry*)

Wiz: From the very beginning, Dante's life was always unusual. Born from the unholy union of a human mother and demon father, Dante and his twin brother Vergil had their first supernatural encounter at the young age of eight.

"Wait what does that mean?" Winter asked

Boomstick: Yeah, see, his demon dad was a badass who singlehandedly conquered the underworld and imprisoned its demon emperor, Mundus. But after Dad died, Mundus' minions felt brave enough to take some revenge, by slaughtering his family, leaving Dante an orphan. Bummer. Hate it when that happens.

"What is it with the heroes becoming orphans at some point?" Scarlet asked

"Because they need to make it hurt in their life when they are children unfortunately" Blake said remembering these types of stories

Wiz: With his mother gone and his brother assumed dead, Dante was left with only one option: Become the ultimate demon hunter, and perpetuate the cycle of vengeance.

Dante: This party's getting crazy! Let's rock!

Dante struggles to turn on his boombox until he karate chops it.

Everyone started laughing at how the jukebox didn't work while Blake only thought one thing.

"I want him"

(*Cues: Devils Never Cry - Devil May Cry 3 again*)

Wiz: Despite the dangerous nature of his occupation, Dante always maintains a carefree spirit when dispatching devils of the underworld.

Boomstick: It's part of his charm. Hell, when you've got abilities like Dante's, why not be a little cocky? He's faster than the mortal eye can see, strong enough to grapple with the underworld's toughest demons, and straight-up man enough to shake off being stabbed through the chest like every god damn day!

"Wait what?" Glynda asked

Wiz: That's thanks to his regenerative ability. In fact, all of that is made possible due to his demonic heritage, and made even more deadly by his plethora of weapons, his favorites being his dual pistols and enormous sword.

The girls all started to giggle.

"God damn it" Zex said

Boomstick: Like any proud weapon owner, he gives his tools of destruction pet names. His guns, Ebony and Ivory, specialize in long-range shots and rapid-fire barrages respectively. These hand canons are so powerful they can each obliterate demons in a single shot.

(*Cues: Taste the Blood - Devil May Cry 3*)

Dante shoots off Echidna's head without looking.

Dante: I think that look suits you better.

Boomstick: Rebellion is a large, magical sword given to him by his pops, which can cut any demon down to size in the blink of an eye. He's also got his brother's sword, Yamato, which can cut through dimensions!

"Jaune has a sword that can cut through DIMENSIONS! That is awesome!" Nora said excitedly

"I wonder who his brother is?" Ren wondered

"It starts with a R and ends with an N" CC said with a chuckle

"HUH!?" Ren yelled out

Wiz: Throughout his adventures, Dante also collected a wide assortment of additional weaponry called Devil Arms, physical manifestations of powerful demons he has defeated.

Boomstick: Remember Mega Man? It's that, but on steroids.

"Who?" Yang asked

"No one" Zex replied with a smirk

Wiz: His armored Gilgamesh gauntlets increase his striking power, letting him shatter huge monoliths with a lethal one-inch punch.

Boomstick: With Lucifer- the backpack, not the devil- Dante basically throws infinite lightsabers. He's also got an electric guitar, which is literally electric, ice powered nunchucks, grenade launchers, shotguns, and, I kid you not, a briefcase that can transform into 666 different weapons, ranging from a giant Beyblade to a flying turret gun. He even has a Cowboy hat named Dr. Faust!

"What can a hat do?" Weiss asked

They watched as Dr. Faust flew out of his hand and onto his head. They saw a long red scarf formed around his neck. A light suddenly came on as he stood there in a Micheal Jackson pose and began to dance. He continued his homage with the same sounds and as he finished sparks came from out of no where as he finished with a pose.

"That was ridiculous" Winter said pinching the bridge of her nose

"That's our Jaune" Ruby said giggling

"And that's the Dante we know!" Imperius said with a laugh

Where does he possibly keep all this stuff?

Wiz: Really, really deep pockets, or perhaps it's one of his Styles, abilities he's also acquired from defeating demon bosses. With Doppelganger Style, he can duplicate himself, with Trickster Style, he can teleport instantly, with Royalguard Style, he becomes a nigh-impervious dreadnaught, and he can even slow down time with the Quicksilver Style.

"He can stop time again!?" Ironwood yelled

"Why is all the Jaunes we have seen so damn powerful and weird?" Sun asked

(*Cues: Blackened Angel (Battle) - Devil May Cry 4

Boomstick: On the rare occasion Dante feels he needs to get serious, he enters the Devil Trigger, a transformation which taps into his demonic heritage to unleash his true devil form. Devil Trigger dramatically increases his strength, speed, and healing power, and he can fly!

"I want that form" Ironwood said

"No, no form for you." Ozpin said

"For once I like you Ozpin" Imperius said

Wiz: Being so well-armed, Dante is more than capable of handling entire courts of demons on his own, although this doesn't stop some of his allies from joining in from time to time. This includes Trish, a demon lady who occasionally fights alongside him, and happens to resemble his deceased mother... talk about giving somebody an Oedipus complex.

Boomstick: Hey, if I may quote an old family saying, "If she's not directly related, she's safe to be dated".

Wiz/Weiss: That explains a lot.

"Why am I not surprised" Glynda said with a sigh

Luckily, and quite surprisingly, that avenue was never explored, thank God.

(*Cues: Shall Never Surrender - Devil May Cry 4*)

Boomstick: Dante is a walking, talking, feat achieving machine. One time, after getting impaled by four demons at once, he pushed one so hard, it exploded and dropped a ceiling fan on the other three, all while eating a slice of pizza. Oh, and when their friends showed up, he challenged them to a game of billiards.

Dante fires a bullet from his gun to knock the balls into the demons, knocking them out cold.

Boomstick: He won.

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" Yang yelled

"Who is sherlock?" Blake asked

"I don't know" Yang said as Imperius and CC glared at Zex

"WHAT!"

Wiz: Dante has run down the side of a building so fast he caught fire, similar to a spacecraft reentering the atmosphere at approximately 17,000 miles per hour.

Boomstick: And he's even capable of taking out others just as overpowered as himself. like his brother Vergil, who was not dead, but evil.

"WHY AM I EVIL!?" Ren yelled

Wiz: He stopped a colossal punch from this titanic monster without breaking a sweat, shrugged off bombardment by meteors, and eventually avenged his mother by defeating the demon lord Mundus, in space.

"As long as its not that damn leprechaun" Zex said with a sigh

Boomstick: You may be asking yourself, "Can anything stop this guy?" Yes. Dante does have a limit to how much punishment he can take, but if there's anything that could take him down, it's his own cocky attitude.

Wiz: In the words of the ancient Chinese philosopher Laozi, "There is no greater danger than underestimating your opponent."

"That is so true" Taiyang said as Li Ren nodded in agreement

Boomstick: I'm gonna have to disagree with old Laozi here. I'm pretty sure there's no greater danger than telling a woman those pants do, in fact, make her ass look fat.

"FUCK YOU BOOMSTICK!" The girls yelled

"Well I mean" Neptune started as Imperious grew furious and threw him across the room and electrocuting his groin as Dashade, also known as Khem Val, began to chase Neptune while he was on a unicycle.

"Zex I do not like this version of Neptune." Imperious stated with an angry expression

"Yeah I have been meaning to replace this version of him with a better one." Zex said

"Then why haven't you?" Yang asked

"Because it's fun to torture this one!" Zex laughed

"You can still torture this one while having a better one here dumbass" CC said

"Oh yeah" Zex stated

Sid: You bastard!

He runs at Dante and leaps at him, Dante aims his gun at Sid.

Dante: And jackpot.

"And there is the famous line" CC stated

He fires, striking Sid.


BAYONETTA

(*Cues: Advent of the Angels I - Bayonetta*)

Wiz: From the angels of Paradiso to the demons of Inferno, there is a name feared by both the light and the dark, and her name... is Bayonetta.

"YES!" Imperious exclaimed "Bayonetta is one of my favorite Smash Bros. characters to play as!"

"She is really beautiful" Weiss said in awe

"I can't believe such beauty exist" Ozpin stated as it reminded him of Salem

(*Cues: Tokyo Game Show - Bayonetta*)

Boomstick: To any normal guy walking down the street, she may look like your average seven-foot-tall

"SHE IS SEVEN-FEET-TALL!?" Glynda exclaimed

"It must be so hard to find clothes in her size" Winter said in sympathy

"She has an amazing sense of fashion" Coco said as Velvet nodded in agreement

gargantuan amazon woman with good fashion sense (Coco: I just said that!), but Bayonetta is actually one of the last Umbra Witches, a clan of mystics allied with demon-kind.

Wiz: Named Cereza upon birth, she spent her early life growing up in outcast due to her parents being from rival clans, her father, a Lumen Sage, and her mother, an Umbra Witch.

Boomstick: See, the Sages and Witches had one rule to follow: Don't make babies with the opposite clan, because according to prophecy, it would bring on the destruction of the universe. So naturally, it was only a matter of time before somebody couldn't keep it in their pants. (sighs) Pulling out works every time, but the last time.

"Why am I not surprised Boomstick said that." An Ren said with a blank expression

"So she is the reason the Umbra Witches are nearly destroyed, perhaps she should have been killed the moment she was born." Ironwood stated

Darth Imperius grew angered by Ironwood's way of thinking, but he wasn't about to waste his Lightsaber on this tin man.

"Why you...!"

The Lord of the Sith jumped at Ironwood as a cartoon dust cloud materialized with shouts of pain coming from Ironwood and various profanities being yelled by Imperius. The two rolled along the floor in their dust cloud before going through a door that shut behind them.

"aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAAA-HAAAAAAOOOOOHHHHH!" shrieked Ironwood.

All was silent as the video paused. Nobody dared to make a sound as they wondered if the General of the Atlas Military was dead now. They got their answer when the man poked his head through the door.

"Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on." Ironwood said.

As he walked through the door, everyone recoiled back in shock while Qrow, Summer, Yang, Taiyang, Winter, and even Glynda, tried to hold back their giggles. Zex and CC were on the floor laughing at this point. The man's entire upper body has been shoved into a trombone! A series of A & B flat notes played with each step he took before he took his seat again. But as the sliding handle of the trombone slid down, Ironwood opened his mouth releasing a final note. Darth Imperius returned and took his seat as he dusted his hands off.

"Sorry you had to witness that, folks." Imperius said

"DO IT AGAIN!" Zex yelled out while laughing

(*Cues: Friendship - Bayonetta *)

Wiz: You would know. With the pact now broken, war ensued between the two factions, in the end, only two witches survived; Cereza, and her rival/future friend Jeanne. Hoping to prevent the apocalypse, Jeanne used a special dagger to seal away Cereza's memories and put her into a five hundred year-long coma.

Boomstick: When Cereza woke up from her epic power nap, she took on her new name, Bayonetta, and set out to find her lost memories. Luckily for her, she had just the right weapon for the job: her hair!

"Say what now?" Sun said shocked

(*Cues: Love is Blue Equipped - Bayonetta 2*)

Wiz: As an Umbra Witch, not only does her hair serve as her clothing-

Boomstick: Which I'm having a really hard time deciding whether or not that's hot, or just disgusting.

"Disgusting" Sun said

"How so?" Yang asked

"Because who uses hair as clothes!" Sun said

Wiz: She can also use it to summon the demon Madama Butterfly to aid her in battle. This technique; the Wicked Weaves, creates portals for the giant demon to deliver devastating punches and kicks.

Boomstick: Bayonetta can also walk on walls and ceilings with Witch Walk, and even transform into animals to fly, run super fast, and dodge attacks.

Wiz: But her most useful technique is Witch Time. By slowing down time itself, Bayonetta can dodge practically anything while unleashing a barrage of attacks.

"Oh great she can stop time too!" Qrow yelled out exasperated

(*Cues: One of A Kind - Bayonetta*)

Boomstick: Bayonetta is basically a tall, sexy armory. She wields gauntlets called Durga which attack with fire and electricity, a huge scythe that rots the souls of its victims, and a freaking lightsaber called Pillow Talk. She has a bow that fires poison arrows, a chainsaw made of dragon scales, a massive hammer that can cause earthquakes with every strike, and even ice skates which attack with ice. Obviously.

Wiz: But her most beloved weapons are her four pistol set called Love Is Blue. Rather than swap between them like a normal person, she somehow manages to wield all of them at once by using not only her hands, but also her feet.

Boomstick: How does that work? Does she have like, some kinda weird thumbs on her ankles or something? That would kinda detract from the hotness factor just a bit-OH MY GOD! She's covered in hair, and she uses her feet like hands... she's a monkey! MONKEY WITCH!

Bayonetta: This is awkward...

"Are you kidding me Boomstick" Winter said with an eye twitch

"How stupid is he!? It's clearly her using magic!" Weiss yelled out

"I mean it is possible" Imperius said

Wiz: I highly doubt that. She probably just uses some sort of magic (Weiss: SEE! Even Wiz agrees with me!). Speaking of magic, when Bayonetta wants to unleash her full potential, she triggers her 'Umbran Climax.'

"HA!" Zex laughed as a chair was thrown at him

Boomstick: *Chuckles*

"Damn it Boomstick" Glynda said

Wiz: ...Which increases her strength and lets her summon Madama Butterfly's full unrestrained power. When fully unleashed, Madama Butterfly can shatter huge meteors by headbutting them.

"That is one powerful demon" Velvet said with wide eyes

Boomstick: Ah, climax.

"Fucking damn it" Winter said with a twitch

(*Cues: Fly Me To The Moon (Climax) - Bayonetta*)

Boomstick: By herself, Bayonetta has pulled off some impressive feats. She's strong enough to kick military jets into the air, headbutt skyscrapers across the city, and even throw satellites with her legs in outer space. Oh, by the way, she can survive outer space.

Wiz: Using Witch Time, she was able to defeat this thing in only a matter of real-time seconds. Even without Witch Time, her reaction speed is astronomical! For example, when a Lumen Sage stopped time to position newly fired bullets about three feet behind her, she managed to not only turn and identify the incoming threat, but also dodge all 16 of them. Considering regular bullets travel around 2,500 feet per second, she must have pulled all that off in less than 1,000th of a second.

Boomstick: And then there's that one time, when she killed God. You know, by scissoring (The Girls: YOU ARE DOING THAT ON PURPOSE!) her hair with Jeanne's and punching the creator's soul across the entire solar system into the sun!

Wiz: Okay, obviously Bayonetta's feats and abilities are absolutely ridiculous, but she is sometimes rather inconsistent.

"Okay how is she inconsistent?" Qrow asked curious

Boomstick: Despite her reaction time, she's been caught off guard by enemies ranging from a half-god called Lobster or something like that, and even a plant monster that managed to grab her out of the air.

Wiz: But regardless of whatever weaknesses she may have, Bayonetta's achieved more than anyone could possibly imagine, despite being 100% human.

Boomstick/Neptune: Wait, she IS human?! Dibs.

"Yeah no." Imperius said as he chucked him across the room

Bayonetta: All right, let's dance baby.


BATTLE

(*Cues: Out of Darkness (Prologue) - Devil May Cry 4*)

Dante arrives on the top of a very tall clock tower, which contains a chapel inside. He sees a tall chair in the middle with a small Bayonetta doll and picks it up to examine it. While looking at it, Cereza arrives (dressed in priestess attire) while holding a book.

Bayonetta: Another wandering lost soul I see?

Dante is impressed by the woman's looks, and tosses the doll back onto the chair while walking over to talk to her.

"Wow she is pretty stealthy when she wants to be huh?" Winter said shocked

"Well she did fight demons for a long time so it's not surprising she needed to pick up on some stealth skills" Blake explained

"She looks more of the run and gun type of person though" Sun said

"Maybe but she is fighting demons who look usually four times bigger than her" Blake said as she returned her attention to the fight

Dante: Lost? Nah. I'm looking for something called the Left Eye. Care to give me a hand? Could be fun.

Bayonetta: Hmph, I see. But if you're looking for the Left Eye, that would either make you an angel...

(*Cues: Genocide - Devil May Cry *)

Bayonetta holds out her book and Dante walks over thinking she's offering it to him, but she starts shooting at him. They both try shooting as she leaps over Dante and takes off her priestess outfit revealing her true clothes. They both get into a gridlock after firing a few shots and she winks at her opponent, with the Left Eye flashing.

Bayonetta:... or a demon!

"Well your not wrong there Bayonetta" Yang said

FIGHT!

They both exchange blows of gun-fu before Bayonetta uses Madama Butterfly's foot to kick Dante to the floor. Dante quickly gets up. They fire more bullets and Dante ends up catching one in his mouth that he spits out. Bayonetta laughs as she avoids Dante's bullets while firing her own. Dante leaps high into the air to avoid as his opponent follows suit and grips him between her legs (similar to Dante's fight with Nero in DMC4). He escapes her grip and the two kick each other backwards.

(*Cues: Blackened Angel (Battle) - Devil May Cry 4*)

Dante lands as Bayonetta gets out Kafka and aims at him.

Bayonetta: Take this!

Dante avoids the arrows at first and then slashes them while firing more bullets. He charges at Bayonetta with Rebellion. She dodges it and uses Witch Time.

Bayonetta: Too slow~

"Did she just..." Weiss said with wide eyes

"I think she did" Taiyang said shocked

She uses the slowed down time to land multiple hits on Dante with her hair and uppercuts him. She uses a Madama Butterfly kick to send him into the Iron Maiden, which closes and traps him while impaling him in multiple places.

Bayonetta: Mmm, what a disappointing finish...

"Oh my oum, is she doing that on purpose!" Coco said shocked

Bayonetta starts walking off, but Dante breaks out of the Torture Attack while brushing his shoulder.

Dante: That all you got, sister?

Bayonetta giggles as she takes out the Rakshasa.

Bayonetta: Ah. Looks like you're more of a man than I thought!

"She is" Ruby confirmed

Dante: C'mon!

Dante sends multiple energy waves out of his sword which knocks over multiple chairs in the chapel. Bayonetta dodges all of them and activates Witch Time for the last attack. She charges at Dante, but Dante activates Quicksilver allowing him to fight at her speed in time to counter her and send her back.

Bayonetta: What?

Dante: Haven't used this in a while. Still got it!

"Does it really work like that?" An Ren asked

"I don't know honey" Li Ren said confused as well

They clash their swords multiple times before Dante sends her back and kicks a chair her way.

Dante: In the money!

Bayonetta slashes the multiple chairs her way but is caught off guard by a chair that hits her in the back of the head, as a result of Dante teleporting behind her.

Dante: Ha ha ha! Jackpot!

Bayonetta: You're a naughty boy hitting a girl like that. You need to be taught a lesson!

"All's fair in love and war" CC said

Bayonetta takes out Arluna and clashes with Dante using the whip with Rakshasha on her feet.

Dante: Ho ho ho! Now this is what I'm talking about!

Bayonetta: If you liked that, you're gonna love this. Avavago!

Bayonetta summons Gomorrah, which roars at the white-haired demon hunter. Dante salutes with a smug look as the large demon devours him. Dante isn't chewed up and opens up the large monster's jaw from the inside.

Dante: Phew! Your breath stinks!

"Then give it Tic Tac" Zex said

"Or ya' know a mint" Weiss said exasperated

"That is what a Tic Tac is." Deadpanned Zex

"Different. World." Imperius reminded

"Oh yeah"

Dante escapes from the demon's mouth and takes it down with a few slashes of Rebellion. Bayonetta takes out Takemikazuchi and tries slamming Dante, who blocks is using Gilgamesh. The blow sends them to the next floor of the building. Dante quickly activates Quicksilver again as Cereza sneaks up on him with a blow with Rakshasha and they both point their weapons at each other.

(*Cues: Max Anarchy OST- Find You*)

Bayonetta: This is where we part ways, love.

Dante: After you.

"Why does it feel like they are flirting!" Qrow yelled

Trish arrives on the scene driving her motorcycle towards the center to intervene.

Trish: Dante!

Dante pushes Bayonetta back as Trish sends the cycle towards his opponent. Bayonetta stands there as Jeanne appears to kick the bike back at Trish, who slashes it in half with Sparda, resulting in an explosion.

Dante: C'mon Trish, you missed!

Trish: Oh, don't be a baby. Let's finish her off!

"Giggty" Quagmire said

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE!?" Zex yelled as all three entities tackled him

The Devil May Cry team gets ready to fight.

Bayonetta: Jeanne.

Jeanne: Cereza. Having some guy trouble?

Bayonetta: Not to worry, I've got this one handled.

Trish: Wait, we're getting paid for this one, right?

Dante shakes his head and starts running.

Dante: C'mon!

"Yeah you don't need money for every little thing" Yang said

"Food, water, shelter, and clothes you CLEARLY don't need money for huh?" Weiss said with a smirk

"Don't patronize me" Yang replied

Trish tosses her scythe at Bayonetta, who hits it back with her hammer. Dante then starts trading blows with Jeanne before Trish comes to assist him. She electrocutes Jeanne, allowing the two to perform a team attack on her.

Trish: This is gonna hurt!

As Jeanne's knocked back, Bayonetta takes out Chernobog which clashes with Dante's gauntlets. Dante takes out Agni and Rudra to slash at her before calling his partner.

Dante: Trish!

Trish: Bye-bye!

Trish kicks Bayonetta with an electric kick and clashes with Jeanne again, this time wielding the Angel Slayer. Jeanne tries slashing Dante who manages to punch her with his gauntlets.

Dante: What's wrong? Can't keep up?

"STOP WITH THE INNUENDOS!" Glynda yelled

"That wasn't one though" Ruby said innocently

"How are you this innocent after having a night of passion WITH JAUNE?" Ironwood asked as he finally got out of the trombone

"Don't question it" Taiyang said with a chuckle

Trish tries kicking Bayonetta, but Cereza turns into multiple bats and activates Witch Time to kick both Dante and Trish back.

Bayonetta: So close.

She nearly hits them with an uppercut from Madama Butterfly. The two Umbra Witches assume a stance as Dante takes out Pandora, which morphs into a missile chair and fires just as Trish uses Maximum Voltage. Bayonetta and Jeanne turn into panthers to avoid all the attacks and jump out of the window onto a falling clock. Their opponents follow suit.

(*Cues: Bayonetta 2 - Aesir*)

Jeanne clashes with Trish and her flying sword.

Jeanne: Where'd you get that outfit, a thrift store?

Trish: You're one to talk, that color looks terrible on you!

Trish levitates her sword to stab at Jeanne but misses.

Jeanne: Ugh, bitch!

Jeanne kicks Trish off the clock and jumps after her. Dante sees his partner flying off.

"Did she just insult her choice of clothes?" Velvet asked

"Yup and she retaliated with insulting the color of her said clothes" Coco said

Dante: Trish, wait!

Bayonetta takes out Shuraba and takes advantage of the distraction.

Bayonetta: Best pay attention, boy!

The two demon hunters clash until Bayonetta teleports behind Dante. Dante teleports in response and activates his Devil Trigger mode. Bayonetta powers up and sends multiple Madama Butterfly punches at Dante, who blocks and dodges all the punches. Bayonetta then pulls her trump card by summoning the full Madama Butterfly, who charges up a powerful punch.

Bayonetta: Pretty or not... don't fuck with a witch!

"CONTEXT" CC said

Dante blocks the punch and sends a clone after the demon to kick it back. He then takes out Yamato and fires off one shockwave, which slices off Madama Butterfly's leg and causing it to fall on the remaining knee. Dante launches another shockwave, which passes through its head and sheathes Yamato, causing Madame Butterfly's head to explode. Bayonetta is shocked to see the demon go down.

Bayonetta: No! That's not possible!

"Why do people always say that?" Cardin asked

"I guess because it was supposed to be impossible." Ren said

"But nothing is impossible!" Ruby yelled out

"So a human can sprout wings and fly?" Weiss said as Zex cleared his throat showing wings on his back

"Yes" Zex laughed

"Go to hell Zex!" Weiss retorted

The two clash with each other until Dante is stabbed by Shuraba, taking him out of demon mode. One of Bayonetta's Love is Blue guns drops to the ground.

(*Cues: Burial Knocked Down Exhaustless Lucifer - Devil May Cry 4*)

As it turns out, both were stabbed with their respective swords. They step back, but while Dante shows no pain, Bayonetta is mortally wounded and falters back.

Bayonetta: Augh, not possible...

Dante activates Lucifer on his back. He throws the spike projectiles to the side and then upwards, all of which home in on Bayonetta and puncture her even more, leaving her screaming in severe pain.

"That is a little over kill" Summer said with a wince

"And shooting a broken demonic sword repeatedly with arrows isn't?" Blake asked

As she struggles to get up, Dante takes out a rose and gently tosses it at Yamato's handle.

Dante: Bullseye.

"What is that rose supposed to do?" Ruby asked

The moment the rose hits the sword handle, Bayonetta explodes into bloody chunks.

"Woah!/Holy Shit!" Yelled out the audience

"Can I do that?" Ruby asked

"I hope not!" Cardin yelled out

"Ruby you are a human, not an explosive rose. So I doubt you can do that" Weiss stated

The clock finishes falling down and Dante lands in the streets of Fortuna as he reclaims his swords and sheathes them.

Dante: How come I never meet any nice girls?

"Because dating is hard" Zex said with a sigh

KO!


RESULTS

Dante walks off with Shuraba still placed in his chest while Bayonetta's soul is dragged into Inferno.

"I can't even be angry that was one fabulous fight" Imperius laughed heartily while clapping

"That is horrifying" Winter said holding onto Qrow

(*Cues: Forza del Destino - Devil May Cry 4*)

Boomstick: Worst. Date. Ever!

"HOW WAS THAT A DATE!?" The Audience all yelled out

Wiz: Yeah, they even lost their friends... I-I think? What happened to Trish and Jeanne? Are they still fighting?

Boomstick: Well, I'll show you how I think it went down in my new show: DBX!

"What idiot gave that bumbling, drunk, stupid, idiot his own show!?" Weiss yelled out

Wiz: Wait, what? Did you actually do analysis on your own?

Boomstick: Heh heh, hell no! I'm just gonna make them fight!

"Why am I not surprised" Weiss said with a sigh

Wiz: Ugh, you would. In what actually matters, it's true that Bayonetta's satellite throwing feat trumps any and all of Dante's physical displays of strength. However, Dante edges out in every other category.

Boomstick: His arsenal matched and exceeded Bayonetta's blow for blow. Hell, even a giant demon like Madama Butterfly is nothing new to this demon slayer for hire. But most of all, Bayonetta didn't have many ways to actually kill him. I mean, the dude shrugs off mortal wounds every day like they were bug bites! Both can take a bullet, but unlike Dante when Bayonetta's stabbed, it hurts! That's why avoiding attacks was her specialty.

"That makes a lot of sense. Considering Jaune could instantly heal from any form of damage it was near impossible for her to really kill him out right. She would have to wear down that ability first!" Glynda said in shock

Wiz: But she can only dodge for so long against somebody like Dante. Early in their careers, Dante and Vergil obliterated each and every raindrop in a twelve-foot radius, briefly creating a completely open space in a rainstorm. Up to 30 raindrops can occupy a cubic foot on average, meaning they destroyed 108,000 raindrops in less than a second. Without any extra abilities or styles. Even with Bayonetta's absurd reaction speed, Dante striking so much space in so little time far outclasses anything she's had to avoid.

"That is impressive!" Yastuyashi said in shock

"Imagine trying to dodge a sword swing that fast." Fox said

"Try dodging a sword swing that can cleave through a damn building at blinding speed" Mumbled Zex

Boomstick: Even when she tried avoiding him with Witch Time, Dante's Quicksilver evened the playing field, basically making it useless.

Wiz: It was just a matter of time before Bayonetta suffered the fatal blow.

"That does indeed suck to hear, but I have a feeling those two would be more on the lines of partners than enemies" An Ren said

Boomstick: Well you know what they say, hair today, gone tomorrow.

Everyone groaned expect Zex, Taiyang, and Yang who were laughing.

Wiz: The winner is Dante.


"Well that was fun! Sadly I have to go now, I have to help Zex prepare a viewing for all of you as it does take some time and Zex would just blow it up on accident AGAIN." CC explained

"Do you really have to go?" Zex asked

"Yes I have to do that and work on some projects of mine. I'll be back once this is all ready!" CC said raising his hand

"Alright man! See you when its all ready high five!" Zex yelled about to give him a high five

"NO WAIT DON'T!" Imperius yelled out as they gave a high five sending out a shock wave

"Uh...oops" CC said "Im gonna go"

"Probably for the best" Zex agreed

CC used his arcane tentacles to shake Neptune like a soda can before he disappear in a tornado of papers and arcane energy.

"Well I have to make my leave as well." Imperius said

"Wh-" Zex stopped as he saw Imperius's armor cracked "Oh...sorry"

"It's alright just remember me and you are gonna invite me to another one of these" Imperius said with a glare

"I will! Just kinda hoped you will stick around a bit longer" Zex laughed nervously

"Oh no I'm just walking back to my ship to get my armor fixed. Shouldn't take too long" Imperius said as he walked towards the doors

Before he was about to exit the doors he suddenly sent a shockwave of Force Lightning at Ozpin, setting the man on fire before he started running around screaming like Squidward, but louder than Homer Simpson.

"BURN, SOUL PARASITE! BURN!"

When he was done Ozpin was a smoldering heap on the ground as he walked out the door.

"Are you okay Professor?" Ruby asked as Ozpin let out a high pitched moan

"I got ya Ozzy" Zex said as he snapped his fingers healing him

"What did I ever do to him?" Ozpin asked

"Oh he is one of the many editors in the multiverse who wanna murder you" Zex stated

"Oh" Ozpin gulped

"Don't worry he won't kill you because you are MY verison. If you were the prime version then you would be dead." Zex explained

"I'll keep that in mind as I try not to get on his bad side" Ozpin said quickly as Zex popped out of existance


Finally I got this chapter out! Special thanks for SaurusRock625 and Compostcreator for joining me in this chapter! See y'all later!