The world was silent and dark, and Castiel floated somewhere in there. He painstakingly slowly regained feeling in his fingers, toes, limbs, torso. The wound Uriel inflicted on him was still numb, still healing. He slowly became aware he was not dead yet, that he somehow had managed to survive the attack. He did not think about how or why – he was still too weak to even remembered he had survived an angel attack.

The angels had left the ruins. Castiel was unaware the human corpses had been removed from the property. They had been burned or were thrown into a mass grave outside of the city limits. The angels did not give Castiel the same favor. A human resisting them deserved more respect than a fallen angel. So they left him to rot over time. None of them even checked his pulse, otherwise he wouldn't have been aware of the cold morning sun.

Two long days after the attack, he was conscious enough to act. His current position hurt. He rolled over. It wasn't any better, but it felt good to relieve his back for a little while.

Three hours later, he opened his eyes for only a few seconds after he heard something; possibly the wind that pushed some smaller debris and tugged his clothes. The sun shone in his eyes, blinded him. But he saw a chocolate bar lying a foot away from his face. He couldn't reach it yet. Not enough energy. He took note of it and drifted back into unconsciousness.

Castiel woke again at night. He opened his eyes. The chocolate bar was not a figment of his imagination. His stomach growled and realized how hungry he was. He moved his hand to take it. He couldn't – something was in the way.

A blanket lay over him. It was tucked in, so the wind would not blow it off of him. Castiel struggled to free his hand so he could fill his stomach. At long last, he grabbed the bar. The wrapping was intact – he'd have to open it himself, too.

He brought his other hand from under the blanket and tried to rip it open. His hands were weak; his energy and strength went to the still-healing wound. He was depleted, so weak he could barely open the packaging of a chocolate bar. But he continued.

The gravel moved, crisping closer. A shoe came into his field of vision and he frowned. He had not expected this. Castiel lifted his head.

It was Claire. She stared at him with disappointment. She kneeled next to him and gently took the chocolate bar from him. She easily opened the packaging and handed the food back to the angel.

"Thank you." He intended to say this, but his throat was too dry. She left as Castiel took his first bite. His stomach growled again, in anticipation of food.

After a few quick bites, he found he was too nauseous to finish it. He chewed l-slowly on the last bite, both longing for the food and dreading to swallow it. A headache developed – or it had always been there and Castiel only then noticed. Either way, his body was out of it and Castiel couldn't figure out how to fix it.

Claire returned with a bottle of water. Maybe that's why he had trouble swallowing – a dry throat was not pleasant. He forgot about the chocolate bar in his hand and stared at the bottle.

"Do you want some?" she asked. Castiel nodded to the best of his abilities. Claire slowly poured a small stream of water into Castiel's mouth. He greedily drank it and expected more, even when the bottle was empty. He had the taste for it, he needed more. Claire didn't look at him, though, but at something right behind him.

Claire left his view again. Instead of focusing on his own pain, Castiel tried to figure out what was happening behind his back.

Claire was talking. Someone else was, too – there were more than two people, and they were predominantly female voices. Castiel did not recognize any of the voices, couldn't even pick out Claire. They had to be sitting around some sort of campfire, because the dark wouldn't have given Castiel a shadow.

Claire was not alone. She had access to fire, blankets, water, food. She survived the massacre, probably because she hadn't attended and had enough means to survive without leaving the ruins for the time being. That was good, she deserved all the chances. But was it smart to stay on the spot where your friends died, where the angels could return to, to kill any survivors who returned?

As he was thinking, his mind wandered off and Castiel fell back asleep.


When Castiel woke up again, the sun was already shining. What little he ate yesterday, what little energy he gained from it, had healed his internal organs a little more, but it had not completely healed him. Yet, in his still semi-conscious state, Castiel believed he had sufficiently healed to do more things again. But for now, he was hungry. Hungry enough to move from his current position and get some.

He sat upright, in such a way that the blanket was still wrapped around him. From his new position, he noticed he had not imagined Claire being here with other survivors. The conversations were silenced as soon as they noticed he was awake.

Claire sat with three friends around a dying fire. Two of them were around her age, the other was older. The girls seemed as tough as Claire had presented herself; both seemed excellent women of color, both glared at him. The lady, a blonde in a police uniform, glared more harshly than the girls. Claire must've told them about his identity.

"I'm sorry," Castiel croaked. "I didn't mean to startle you."

His voice was a little better – the women could understand what he was trying to say. Still, his throat was dry and needed more water, or at least needed to practice talking a little. That may also help him get rid of the croak.

"I'd like some food and water, please," Castiel then said when there came no reaction from any of the women. "If you can spare some."

For a moment, none of them did anything. Then Claire stood up. She grabbed a bottle of water and a chocolate bar, laying behind her, and threw them at the angel. He was not able to catch them, but they landed within reach.

"Thank you," he said. He reached for the bottle and downed it in almost one go. The thirst once again increased tenfold when the first drop of water fell into his mouth and he could barely stop himself.

"I wouldn't drink too much at once," Claire advised him. "It might just come right back out."

Her comment made Castiel more cautious. In his state, his metabolism may not appreciate his overindulgence in water. It was always better not to overdo it/

"No strange moves," the blonde lady warned in an accent Castiel was not familiar with. "I'm keeping my eyes on ya."

"Noted," Castiel said. He took a bite off the chocolate bar. It somehow tasted wrong, but he didn't complain; food was food and he was shoving it in.

As he ate his chocolate, he looked at the girls. None of them were very willing to help him. Only Claire was willing to provide something, but Castiel figured that as soon as he could move around on his own, this help would be soon over as well. They could use these resources themselves, but they willingly – more, begrudgingly – shared it with Castiel. That struck him as odd.

"Why are you helping me?" he bluntly asked between bites. The woman may not have expected the question or had an answer at the ready. But the answer did come.

"You're with the enemy. But right now, you're a victim, too," Kaia said. Castiel had heard their names before, but he hadn't been able to assign them to faces. Still, he wasn't very confident this was Kaia, he just hoped he was right.

"I'm not with—" Castiel paused. Where did they get that idea from? "Would I be here in this state, if I still worked with them?"

"Someone snitched," Alex said. She warily looked at him. "It could've been you."

That wasn't the case. Even if he could, he still didn't know where exactly the base was located. "I haven't been in touch with them since the warehouse. I don't want them in my life."

The women cast suspicious glances. In their minds, he just confessed to committing suspicious activities and spying for the angel. It must be confusing that in the same breath, he denounced them and implicitly declared his allegiance to the resistance these women were a part of. It seemed they focused on the negative aspects.

"I will admit I made questionable decisions and did questionable things in favor of the angels, but I never told them where this place is." Castiel never had the chance to betray them. "But I realized my mistakes and I'm willing to learn from them."

"And you expect us to believe that?" Donna asked. She believed he was spouting lies, that he gave the angel leadership their location. Why would they attack? Because he had no further use to them and so, they tried to silence him forever. It didn't work because he was much more resilient than first thought and because Claire helped him eventually.

Her question was answered with silence. Castiel took another bite from the chocolate bar, eyeing each of the girls to gauge their reaction.

"I believe you," Claire then said. Castiel raised his eyebrows. This was a welcome surprise.

"You can't be serious," Alex exclaimed. Claire turned her head.

"Yes, I believe him." They stared at one another intensely. "If he says he didn't do those things, then he didn't do it."

Castiel nodded his head to Claire. "Thank you for your support." He could use every bit of support right now, especially since a sharp pain in his abdomen signaled it hadn't been completely healed yet. Castiel lay down on his side to lighten the load.

The other women were still hesitant. It would be a lot harder to convince them of his innocence. Maybe, if they listened, they may agree with his plans for the near future. It may convince them of his true allegiance and they may offer their support and hopefully, their help.

"If you're still on the fence, I am planning to infiltrate the angel headquarters when I'm feeling better."

The women did not know what they expected the fallen angel to say next, but this was not something that they had expected.

"What?" Kaia reacted. The others just stared in shock. Claire may seem terrified at the thought. Either that or Castiel misidentified the degree of shock she was in. he did not know what caused the shock – his calmness or his words.

"I know where it is," Castiel said. "I know where I can find the leadership. With some luck, I'll be able to stop them." Or he would set an example. Whether this example would be positive or negative was something he didn't know.

"That's impossible," Alex said. Her serious tone and resigned look said enough. There was a high chance Castiel was not going to make it out of the angel HQ alive if he entered it.

"Has anyone ever tried?" Castiel wondered out loud. The women remained quiet, but they knew the answer. So did Castiel. "I'll be the first, then." And when he came to the angel headquarters, he imagined himself arriving with his head up high, his angel blade in his hand and rage in his eyes. he walked in and if anyone came towards him to fight, he would fight back – only if they attacked or intended to first. Only Uriel, Zachariah and Michael would be attacked unprovoked. He also imagined himself stepping through the door and counting the minutes, seconds to his death.

"If you wanted to die, why didn't ya say so?" Donna asked, truly curious about the motivation behind his suicidal mission. Castiel shrugged.

"The angels need to see me," he said. "The people, too. They need to understand we won't stop fighting, no matter what. If I go there, nobody will be able to ignore it. They'll see it."

A fallen angel attacking the headquarters in favor of the resistance and a more democratic world, for a world where angel rule was greatly diminished – the press wouldn't be able to ignore this. Some free spirits would take note and try something else. Some who were more cautious would grow even more cautious. His actions would have varying consequences, based on his success rate.

"You'll die," Alex said.

"Most likely," Castiel responded. His sigh was one of a soldier tired of fighting a war that lasted an eternity and longer. He was tired, he was done, but he couldn't stop now.

"Why would you want that?" Kaia wondered. "Why not just run and never come back. Live to your natural death."

"I am nobody," Castiel said. "I do not belong to any group. That was different, part of an evil group. Might as well make sure my life led to something good. "


The next morning, Castiel was able to stand on his feet again. It was a great accomplishment to him, and he did not care that every few steps he lost his balance. At least he was somewhat mobile again.

Kaia, Alex, and Donna were happy about his newfound mobility, too. They were mostly concerned with having to take care of him for any prolonged amount of time. But Castiel rested and the remnants of the wounds had been fully healed. Only some numbness remained, one that resembled his intestines and stomach not agreeing with him, but all outside and inside wounds were gone.

Despite the limited mobility, Castiel prepared to go on his quest to kill the higher-ups of the angels. He stocked on food and water the group could spare and stuffed it into the pockets of some coat lying around. It was dirty, but it was in better shape than most clothes retrieved from under the ruins.

When it was almost time to leave, Claire came to him. They were silent for a couple of moments. Castiel knew she was feeling sadness, melancholy, loss – she and her friends had given up on him, were convinced that he was going towards his death. He had to agree with her.

"Are you really going to the angel HQ now?" Claire then asked.

"Not immediately," Castiel responded. "I will first visit Crowley, another fallen angel. He's been working together with Dean."

He didn't need Crowley to join him in his crusade. Castiel did believe it would be an ideal situation if something or someone powerful enough would distract some militia on the lower levels, so that Castiel would more easily reach the higher-ups without being dead seconds after walking through the front door.

"Do you know where he is?" Claire wondered.

"I can find him," Castiel said while making eye contact.

Claire tilted her head. "You don't know."

Castiel shrugged. "I can find him." Crowley couldn't be that hard of a person to find. If they asked for him on the streets, someone would notice and Castiel would almost instantaneously be brought to the man he'd been looking for.

"And you're going to ask him to help you?" Claire asked, a skeptical tone in her voice. She did not believe someone would risk their lives to help one angel reach a nearly impossible goal. Especially if he asked another fallen angel.

"If he can create a diversion to help me last longer inside the building, that would be enough." Then Crowley could leave, since Castiel could not force him to stick around. He could get time and support, but not physical participation.

Silence followed, during which neither Claire nor Castiel looked at one another. Claire took a deep breath and turned her head to him.

"You know there are other ways to continue the fight, right?"

Castiel nodded. "I know." He then looked at Claire. "I need a resolution. They took everything from me, nearly killed me twice. I found you and they almost took that, too. And they're doing this to many others. I cannot allow them to continue like this for much longer." If Castiel did not do anything about it, he would just wither away, suffer, and wish he had taken action sooner. He would not be able to forgive himself for such negligence.

"Then I'm in," Claire said. "I'll help you."

Castiel nodded at her. "Thank you." While he didn't completely agree, he had no authority over her. She made her own decisions and Castiel could not stop her.

The conversation didn't end there. Something still needed to be said, something Claire could no longer carry on her own.

"I don't know if you would like to know, but I, er…" She paused. "If you'd like, I can tell you your name."

At first, Castiel did not respond at all. He only blinked a couple of times, trying to process what was just said. Then, he shook his head.

"Not yet."

"No?" Claire asked. "Why not?"

"I haven't earned it back," Castiel told her. This was not the right time. "I'm no longer that person. I would say the name has no meaning, but it does hold value. Yes, I'd like to know, but not yet. Maybe after I kill Michael and Zachariah."

"That's a deal," Claire said. They shook each other's hands to seal the deal. "So, where do you think this Crowley is hiding out?"

"I don't know," Castiel said. He was convinced they'd find him. "I guess we'll have to look around."

And Castiel and Claire looked at one another and at that moment, they must have reconnected. After that moment, he felt like he was a father again. A shitty father, but a father nonetheless. And she was his daughter because she had accepted him back into her life.

It was good to know at least she was on his side.