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Wally: To be or not to be

Dick: Is you is or is you ain't


Dick: The fact you thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

Wally: It worked

Dick: That's not the point


Dick: You spend your whole life gathering guests for your funeral

Wally: Thanks now I'm depressed


Dick: Do you ever think the guy who came up with the phrase 'One Hit Wonder' came up with anything else

Wally: This hurts my brain


Dick: I remember this one time Jason gave me a get well soon card

Wally: Well that was nice of him

Dick: No it wasn't

I wasn't sick

He was telling me to be better


Wally: So I went to the grocery store wearing a mask and gloves because the CDC said that was all I needed to keep myself protected.

THEY WERE WRONG

EVERYONE ELSE STILL HAD CLOTHES ON

Dick: dude what?


Dick: Apparently because of the coronavirus, tourists have been far and few between. So the monkeys that live in these places have started swarming the villages because of the food shortage due to the lack of tourists.

Wally: I will admit that I did not have 'monkey gang war' on my Coronavirus bingo card


Wally: If you could have any superpower what would it be?

Dick: Hindsight

Wally: That's not helpful

Dick: I see that now


Dick: When life gives you onions

Make onionade

Wally: Huh

Dick: Well life isn't exactly handing out good things right now.


Wally: I believe I can fly… I got shot FBI

Dick: All I wanted was a chicken wing


Wally: How long does you ideal hug last

Dick: 38-45 minutes

Wally: That really impractical

Dick: You said ideal not realistic


Dick: FACT OF THE DAY! The only reason you can't dig a hole through the earth and come up the other side is because your shovel would melt.

Wally: Mmm hmmm, now hear me out. What if I bring a second shovel and put it in the fridge beforehand to make sure it's cold

Dick: Yeah okay, I think that could work in your favor


Wally: An octopus is just a wet spider

Dick: HEY That's my job


Dick: My brain is fired

Wally: You mean fried

Dick: Y'know what, my brain is fired too. Collect your things, I've had it with your s****


Dick: Teach a man to fish and he'll turn around and try to teach you to fish like he invented it and you're an idiot

Wally: Bad day?


Wally: When Donkey asks Shrek what his name is, Shrek pauses before telling him Shrek, and I'm convinced he came up with it on the spot


Dick: Work till you can afford a giraffe

Wally: Odd flex but okay


Dick: Are snakes long necks or long tails

Wally: …

YOU CAN'T SEND ME THINGS LIKE THAT AND EXPECT AN ANSWER


Dick: Good friends knock, best friends break in

Wally: That doesn't make what you did okay


Wally: I want to call someone a prick but I need to be low key about it

Dick: Call them a cactus

Wally: Ah, thanks


Wally: I've been alive for a relatively long time and not once have I seen a Chinese restaurant commercial

Dick: Because they know we don't need it.


Wally: Did you seriously tell that security guard you couldn't leave because you were 'allergic to following the rules'?

Dick: I was trying to buy time, and needless to say I don't think that man had ever been that confused.


Wally: The government is making us quarantine so they can change the batteries in the pigeons

Dick: I know there are alot of pigeons but this is taking an absurd amount of time.


Dick: Just a friendly reminder that R2-D2 helped Anakin fly to Mustafar, making him an accessory to Anakin's war crimes

Wally: Don't do R2-D2 like that.


Wally: I am so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose

Dick: The energy of this text is dark and mysterious.


Wally: What do you think would happen if a man was injected with all types of viruses and diseases at once

Dick: He would probably not feel very good unfortunately


Wally: Why is it, any other time in my existence I don't have any problems with my face, but the moment the CDC is like 'don't touch your face' my face is like 'itchy time'?

Dick: IDK but I feel your pain


Dick: If there is a new moon every month where does the old one go?

Wally: Quarantine is really screwing with you isn't it.


Dick: In this world it's milk or be milked

Wally: It's really not


Wally: Adding lmao doesn't hide your hurt

Dick: Yes it does lmao


Wally: Waterproof socks

Dick: How do you wash them

Wally: Waterproof water

Dick: Soooo…. Lipids?


Dick: Do you know what to do if you're bitten by a tarantula wasp?

Wally: Die I assume. Anything with that name is the direct spawn of Satan himself and I am meant to die if it comes in contact with me


Wally: The Rock has refused to confirm whether he is sedimentary, igneous, or metamorphic

Dick: I need answers!


Dick: I love how we've gone from suiting up for war to everyone needing to stay home as far away from people as possible


Dick: Cheese is just loaf milk

Wally: I expect nothing less from you


Wally: COUNTRY GNOMES

TAKE MY BONES

Dick: TO A PLACE

THEY DON'T BELONG

Wally: WEST VIRGINIA


Dick: You can't run from your problems forever

Wally: I'm fast

I'm very fast


A few things... First of all I am tired of being 'essential personnel' but at the same time I'm glad because unlike most people I am allowed to leave quarantine. Second, please all of everyone wash your hands and be nice to your healthcare workers, we are out in the thick of it and we are trying our hardest. Third don't forget to find something to make you smile in these times in crisis. This too shall pass and in the grand scheme of things it's not as bad as it could be. Everyone keep your chin up we've gotten this far and as long as Mcdonald's is open I'm not going to panic and neither should you. Also y'all have no idea how hard it is to do anything with 5 week old kittens running around, chewing on your feet.
Stay safe and 6 feet away from each other out there. :D :D :D :D :D