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Wally: To be or not to be
Dick: Is you is or is you ain't
Dick: The fact you thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Wally: It worked
Dick: That's not the point
Dick: You spend your whole life gathering guests for your funeral
Wally: Thanks now I'm depressed
Dick: Do you ever think the guy who came up with the phrase 'One Hit Wonder' came up with anything else
Wally: This hurts my brain
Dick: I remember this one time Jason gave me a get well soon card
Wally: Well that was nice of him
Dick: No it wasn't
I wasn't sick
He was telling me to be better
Wally: So I went to the grocery store wearing a mask and gloves because the CDC said that was all I needed to keep myself protected.
THEY WERE WRONG
EVERYONE ELSE STILL HAD CLOTHES ON
Dick: dude what?
Dick: Apparently because of the coronavirus, tourists have been far and few between. So the monkeys that live in these places have started swarming the villages because of the food shortage due to the lack of tourists.
Wally: I will admit that I did not have 'monkey gang war' on my Coronavirus bingo card
Wally: If you could have any superpower what would it be?
Dick: Hindsight
Wally: That's not helpful
Dick: I see that now
Dick: When life gives you onions
Make onionade
Wally: Huh
Dick: Well life isn't exactly handing out good things right now.
Wally: I believe I can fly… I got shot FBI
Dick: All I wanted was a chicken wing
Wally: How long does you ideal hug last
Dick: 38-45 minutes
Wally: That really impractical
Dick: You said ideal not realistic
Dick: FACT OF THE DAY! The only reason you can't dig a hole through the earth and come up the other side is because your shovel would melt.
Wally: Mmm hmmm, now hear me out. What if I bring a second shovel and put it in the fridge beforehand to make sure it's cold
Dick: Yeah okay, I think that could work in your favor
Wally: An octopus is just a wet spider
Dick: HEY That's my job
Dick: My brain is fired
Wally: You mean fried
Dick: Y'know what, my brain is fired too. Collect your things, I've had it with your s****
Dick: Teach a man to fish and he'll turn around and try to teach you to fish like he invented it and you're an idiot
Wally: Bad day?
Wally: When Donkey asks Shrek what his name is, Shrek pauses before telling him Shrek, and I'm convinced he came up with it on the spot
Dick: Work till you can afford a giraffe
Wally: Odd flex but okay
Dick: Are snakes long necks or long tails
Wally: …
…
…
YOU CAN'T SEND ME THINGS LIKE THAT AND EXPECT AN ANSWER
Dick: Good friends knock, best friends break in
Wally: That doesn't make what you did okay
Wally: I want to call someone a prick but I need to be low key about it
Dick: Call them a cactus
Wally: Ah, thanks
Wally: I've been alive for a relatively long time and not once have I seen a Chinese restaurant commercial
Dick: Because they know we don't need it.
Wally: Did you seriously tell that security guard you couldn't leave because you were 'allergic to following the rules'?
Dick: I was trying to buy time, and needless to say I don't think that man had ever been that confused.
Wally: The government is making us quarantine so they can change the batteries in the pigeons
Dick: I know there are alot of pigeons but this is taking an absurd amount of time.
Dick: Just a friendly reminder that R2-D2 helped Anakin fly to Mustafar, making him an accessory to Anakin's war crimes
Wally: Don't do R2-D2 like that.
Wally: I am so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose
Dick: The energy of this text is dark and mysterious.
Wally: What do you think would happen if a man was injected with all types of viruses and diseases at once
Dick: He would probably not feel very good unfortunately
Wally: Why is it, any other time in my existence I don't have any problems with my face, but the moment the CDC is like 'don't touch your face' my face is like 'itchy time'?
Dick: IDK but I feel your pain
Dick: If there is a new moon every month where does the old one go?
Wally: Quarantine is really screwing with you isn't it.
Dick: In this world it's milk or be milked
Wally: It's really not
Wally: Adding lmao doesn't hide your hurt
Dick: Yes it does lmao
Wally: Waterproof socks
Dick: How do you wash them
Wally: Waterproof water
Dick: Soooo…. Lipids?
Dick: Do you know what to do if you're bitten by a tarantula wasp?
Wally: Die I assume. Anything with that name is the direct spawn of Satan himself and I am meant to die if it comes in contact with me
Wally: The Rock has refused to confirm whether he is sedimentary, igneous, or metamorphic
Dick: I need answers!
Dick: I love how we've gone from suiting up for war to everyone needing to stay home as far away from people as possible
Dick: Cheese is just loaf milk
Wally: I expect nothing less from you
Wally: COUNTRY GNOMES
TAKE MY BONES
Dick: TO A PLACE
THEY DON'T BELONG
Wally: WEST VIRGINIA
Dick: You can't run from your problems forever
Wally: I'm fast
I'm very fast
A few things... First of all I am tired of being 'essential personnel' but at the same time I'm glad because unlike most people I am allowed to leave quarantine. Second, please all of everyone wash your hands and be nice to your healthcare workers, we are out in the thick of it and we are trying our hardest. Third don't forget to find something to make you smile in these times in crisis. This too shall pass and in the grand scheme of things it's not as bad as it could be. Everyone keep your chin up we've gotten this far and as long as Mcdonald's is open I'm not going to panic and neither should you. Also y'all have no idea how hard it is to do anything with 5 week old kittens running around, chewing on your feet.
Stay safe and 6 feet away from each other out there. :D :D :D :D :D
