Chapter 21: In Your Face

Xavier Institute

7:11 PM

Tony and Val were going to have Field day with his ass. Closing his eyes, he slipped his head once more under the spray of the shower. Allowing the hot blast to rinse the remainder of the shampoo and soap from his body before shutting off the shower and reaching for his towel. Not only was he returning to the Underground in less than two weeks but for the second time he would be once more entering their bar with the same woman he would be leaving with. "Shit" he secured his towel around his waist before pushing open the bathroom door and stepping into the ice box that was his bedroom.

He'd endured Val intrusive questioning and Tony's razzing the last time he'd went and could only imagine their reactions at his second appearance would be. The Underground wasn't a pace he went for fun, he went there for two reasons, to blow off steam or to get laid. The latter he didn't do as often as he used to, there had been a time in his life where they'd been a different woman warming his bed almost every night but there had also been a time where he'd left the Underground with blood on his fists and some asshole l in a heap in the nearest corner every night as well. Raking a hand through his hair he let his eyes fall on the large red numbers of his alarm clock. T- Minus eight minutes left on the clock before, he could kiss his first round of premium alcohol good bye and no way in hell was he going to allow that to happen.

Crossing the room, he rummaged in his dresser, pulling out a pair of boxer briefs jerking them on followed by his favorite pair of Levis. Barefoot he made his way to his closet his eyes roving over the near empty closet before settling on a black button down. Yanking if from its hanger he shoved his arms into the sleeves, rolling down his collar as he made his way back into the bedroom.

He hadn't planned on going to the Underground tonight, he'd planned on something simpler, the two six packs he had in the refrigerator was evidence of that. Somewhere in the few minutes he'd been talking to Mac he'd realized that despite her teasing tone and the humor dancing in her eyes there was also a somberness to her expression that screamed escape. Despite it all, Mac had been in rare form tonight, allowing him to glimpse the woman he knew was on the other side of the stone wall she wrapped herself in. That Mac didn't come out often, in her place was a Mac that was cold, distant, and edgy.

His gaze lifted from the buttons of his shirt, his eyes meeting his reflections in the mirror. He wasn't a distant stranger to the person he sometimes saw peering back at him in her eyes. He was all too familiar with the feelings, with the sense of displacement, with the numbness, but more importantly he was all too familiar with the anger, with rage that sometimes ensued.

He reached for the sleeve of his shirt, rolling back the length until it reached his forearm before doing the same to the other. To say he wasn't glad that Mac felt comfortable being around him would be a lie. They had come a long way from their nights of unconventional therapy over beer, somewhere along the line they had evolved to a witty banter that sometimes carried serious undertones. He paused his hands stilling, hell somewhere along the way he could even concede that they'd become "Friends" the word flashed through his mind the , familiar bitter taste entering his mouth every time he considered them as "just friends"

With a final check in the mirror, he headed for the door pausing briefly to pull on his socks and boots before swiping his keys and wallet from the nightstand before stepping into the nearly deserted hallway and heading for the stairs.

Friends. He thought warily, if there was one thing he didn't want to be it was Mac's friend. There was something else there, something they'd both known for a - He paused on the stairs a low whirring reaching his ears, for a moment he thought he had imagined the low frequencies but it came again the sound peaking to higher frequency before once more dropping down to a lower more subtle pitch.

Frowning he continued down the steps, something was wrong. He didn't have to see it, he could feel it in the shift of the air currents as he made it to the bottom of the stairs, the sound of Jeans and Mac's voice reaching his ears.

"Fine, you want to be cute about this, then I hope to god you know what you're getting yourself into." Jeans voice was filled with an underlying anger he hadn't heard before. "Logan will destroy you and if you think your life is in shambles now, you wait until he gets through with you. It will be in shredded in so many pieces you won't know how to start putting it back together."

"We talking about my life or yours Jean? My life may be in pieces but it is nothing compared to the severe cluster fuck that your life is."

"This isn't about me."

"No? Because it sure as hell feels like it. "

"This is about you and you not making the same mistake that I did. You think you know who Logan is, you don't have a clue. It's nasty, it's ugly and that bad boy persona that your attracted to is nothing but a façade for the soul less bastard that he can be." Jean snapped.

He didn't need to see Mac's face to gauge her level of annoyance, with each passing moment, the frequency range dipped lower and lower, the smell of coconut and brown sugar that he often associated with her beginning to dim, replacing itself with something darker.

"Is that all he is to you? Just some severe fuck up or is that what you want me to think Jean?" Mac's voice dripped with annoyance "All he's ever been is kind and honest. Even if he is as screwed up as you say he is, you knew that when you got involved with him so save me the self-righteous bullshit."

"You're right. I did know, I knew who he was and I thought I could deal with him. There is so much more that - "

"What the hell is going on here?' He questioned stepping into the kitchen, his gaze instantly zeroing in on the three women who occupied it. His gaze flickered to Storm, watching as she shook her head, shrugging as if to say perhaps you'll have better luck than I did, before she stepped past him leaving the three of them alone.

The two women said nothing, there gazes intent on each other as if he hadn't spoken.

Jean, blew out a breath pushing her fingers through her hair her gaze cold and unfeeling as she starred at Mac "Whatever, this thing is between you" She waved her hand absently towards him

"It isn't real. He's done the same song and dance over and over again to countless women. The sooner you come to grips with that the sooner you'll spare yourse-"

"Enough!" The words were said through clenched teeth, as he let his gaze roam between the two women. Why he asked the questions he didn't know, he already had a good idea of what was happening. He'd seen it brewing in the last few weeks from Jeans cryptic conversations with him, her subtle warnings, it had only been a matter of time before she'd share her thoughts with Mac.

"You're right Wolverine. It's more than enough." Mac said her gaze flickering to his briefly. Her expression closed and guarded. He didn't need to hear the frequencies raging in his ears to know she was teetering on the edge of anger, he could feel it in the subtle shifts of current in the air that made the hairs on his arms stand on edge.

"Mac-"

She rose a hand silencing him "Don't." she warned, shaking her head she side stepped him, yanking open the terrace doors and stepping into the cool night air. He starred after her for a long moment knowing that one word held more weight with him, than any word she could have spoken. Mentally he replayed their conversation from months ago, "It never crossed your mind that us sleeping together would hurt her" Shit. He ran his tongue over his teeth, cutting a glance at Jean.

"What?" She questioned wiping down the counter before leaning against the counter to gaze at him.

"What the fuck was that Jean?"

"That." She said pointing towards the terrace doors "Was me giving a damn about a woman who I consider to be a frie-"

"Don't" he slammed his hand down onto the counter "Don't feed me some bullshit story that you've been telling yourself about what you think is going on with Mac and I. If you're gonna pull this then you damn well better start tellin' the truth'"

"So there is, something going on with the two of you then?" She asked quietly.

"None of your business. Truth. Jean. Now." He all but growled the words

"And what truth would that be Logan?"

"That, that little stunt you just pulled has nothing to do with Mac and everything to do with you and me."

"This has nothing to do with-"

"Don't" he barked "I know you well enough to know when you're lying and I don't have time for this shit. Give it to me straight or we won't have this conversation or any other. "

She held his gaze a moment before glancing away "This, is about Mac. She has a right to know what she's getting into"

"And what exactly is she getting into Jean?"

"You and I both know what getting involved with you will do to her."

He laughed the sound bitter "You got a lot of nerve. You think because we had something for a few months that it makes you an expert on me?"

"Months, try years. I've seen your track record. You drop women like you change clothes and the few months I was with you. I saw more than my fair share" She raked a hand through her hair "Do what you want Logan, but mark my words if you think Mac Is broken now, what will she look like when you're done with her? I was in pieces after a relationship with you, she will be shattered."

"We were never in a relationship." The words were snarled from between his lips "To be in one of those, you have to be present and you never were." He jabbed his finger at her "All I ever was to you was a rebellion. We made a decision, a bad one and we got burned. Now we live with the after math, however fucked up it may be. "

"Is that what she is to you? You're after math? The person you're going to use to help put the pieces back together. "Jean shook her head, "If that's what you're doing then you need to walk away. Let her sort out everything she's going through on her own."

"Stop!" He snapped "This isn't about Mac. If it were you would see that despite everything that woman is still standing. She's been in the ring and she's taking the punches but she ain't down yet. You don't get to tell me or her what's good for her or what she can or can't handle. You don't get to tell me what to walk away from. "He drew in a deep breath, his gaze flickering to hers and holding.

"Be straight with me" He said quietly

There was a long silence between them, the moment thick and heavy with everything past and present. Until finally the sound on Jean's voice cut through the stillness.

"Maybe, but we can't all compartmentalize the last year as well as you .We can't just shut our pain on and off like a faucet or shove our feelings into a box to be referenced for a later date. I'm not some damn robot and I'm sorry it bothers you that I just can't get over it!"

Her words were ripped out from a place deep inside of her pouring over him. Each word ripping open the bandage on a wound he had worked hard to bury and push past for the last nine months.

"You ended things with me." He sucked in a harsh breath" You. Ended. It. I was invested, I was all in consequences be damned and you walked away. "He shook his head "Was I supposed to walk around here like some lap dog? Did you want me to come crawling back the moment you decided you wanted something different? " He scrapped a hand over his face "The only reason we're having this conversation is because the truth came out about us and you want a fall back guy. "

"Is that what you think?" Her mouth dropped open in disbelief "I ended things because what I was doing wasn't fair to you. To Scott, to me. I –I loved you both. And screw you for thinking otherwise"

"Jean-"

"Don't "She warned "You're making a mistake."

"My mistake to make."

"Then you're a fool."

He braced his hands on the kitchen counter his head dropping between his shoulders trying to ease the tension that had set in there. They were talking in circles, rehashing the past and making it current with the small remnants of the future. "This ain't about Mac," He said evenly "Hell it ain't even about you and me. This is about you."

"No-, it isn't-"

He lifted his gaze watching as emotion after emotion raged through her eyes as she fought some internal battle within herself. She may have been being honest with him, but there was something else she wasn't saying.

"Yea," He said slowly "It is. So whatever it is just tell me."

She glanced away, unable to hold his gaze "You still matter to me Logan."

She may have well of just splashed ice water on him. The weight of her words hung between them like a thick smog, it was a loaded statement. One he would have jumped at the opportunity to explore in the past, but not now he felt nothing. There was a hollowness, inside of him where his feeling should be when it came to her.

"No, you don't get to pull that card that with me "He said tightly "Not after everything that's happened."

Her eyes narrowed on his face "It's the truth. I still care about you- "

"I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not the guy your run to when you got bored or when you and Cyc aren't seeing eye to eye. "

"You never that to me Logan, you were so- much more"

His head snapped up meeting her gaze, "Doesn't matter, whatever we thought we had was toxic."

He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself "I never meant to hurt anyone Logan. I ripped my life to shreds, and I tore Scott's heart into pieces. Yours too and for that I'm so-"

He rose a hand silencing her "Don't apologize to me. "

"Why? Why won't you let me?" She asked, her eyes searching his "I hurt you and I -"

"We made a decision and it was a bad one. " He said harshly "I made a choice knowing full well what could happen. So save your apology Red. I don't need it. This is you looking for closure not me."

Absently she swiped at a stray tear as it trekked down her cheek" Fine, You go do whatever it is you're going to do. But I'm not wrong Logan. You like the chase, you like going after the thing you can't have and when you have it, you drain it. You use it up until there's nothing left but a shell of the person it was before. You can think I'm selfish or jealous."

She shrugged "and maybe there's a part of me that it is, but I do care about Mac. I know what being with you will do to her Logan. You may not mean to, but you will shatter Mac's world into more pieces and whatever else happens to her because of your selfness will be on you."

Sighing he turned away racking both hand through his hair. "You wanna spew your hurt, and anger at someone Jean, you throw it at me cause that's who you're really mad at. Leave Mac out of it." He didn't bother waiting to hear her reply, he yanked open the terrace doors stepping into the cool night air and making his way towards the garage.

He had gone nine months without having that particular conversation, nine months of shoving the feelings he he'd had for Jean into a box and effectively closing the lid. A lid she had blasted open inside of 5 minutes, he didn't want to feel what he was feeling. The pain had ceased to be a gaping wound inside of him, but that didn't mean at times it didn't ache. He rounded the corner of the mansion stopping short at the sight in front of him.

Mac had pulled his motorcycle out into the drive way and was leaning against it. She rose an eyebrow at his approach. Her eyes studying his thoughtfully before she reached over to unclip his helmet, before holding it out to him. "Looks like the second round will be on me too." She offered quietly.

He regarded her wearily, his eyes closing as he fought to shrug off his conversation with Jean. "That's the best thing I've heard all day."

"Yeah, well maybe we should do something about that." She said stepping closer, and pressing his helmet into his chest.

Slowly he reached out taking the helmet from her and closing the last few steps to his bike. He threw his leg over the body, starting the engine and pulling his helmet down over his head. He felt her climb onto the back of the motorcycle, her arms lightly encircling his middle.

"You okay?" She asked, her voice a low murmur into the helmet microphone.

He pulled the clutch, shifting the bike into gear and hitting the ignition switch, propelling them down the drive way and through the property. He didn't know how to answer her, so he didn't. Instead he did the only thing he could think of. He reached up briefly squeezing her hand before he pulled them off the property and jetted them down the road into the darkness of the night.